Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 2, Episode 29 - Crumbs!/Stay Cool - full transcript

Kick must keep Mom's cookies away from Dad, a relentless cookie-fiend.

♪ Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski, buttowski

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick buttowski! ♪


Now, to protect the cookies.

Honey, have you seen...

No, i haven't.
(chuckles nervously)

I'd love to help you find
whatever it is you're looking for

But i've got something in the oven.
I mean, fridge. Not oven.

Nothing whatsoever in the oven.

There's nothing to eat. Mom!
There's nothing to eat!

Help me, kick.
Can i have a snack first?

You're the only one i can trust.

But, mom, i...

Quickly, where no one can hear.


You must guard these
cookies from your father!

I spent all day baking these

And i need them for my
shuffleboard game tonight.

Uh, can't you just give him one?

No! Your father goes
crazy for my cookies.

He can't eat just one.

He'll stop at nothing
to devour them all.

I'll leave the house as a decoy.

And hopefully your
father will follow me.

But if he doesn't,
you're on your own.

Protect the cookies
with your life.

You have my word, mom captain.

Good luck, kick buttowski.
I'm counting on you.

Now to hide these...

Coo, coo, coo coo, coo...
Hey, there, sport.

What you got there?

Uh, i got to go to my room now.

Have fun in your room, son.

While you can.

(laughs maniacally)

(exclaims) cookies. (thud)

Mmm. No wonder dad
goes crazy for these.

Dad: Hey, kick,
can you give me a hand in the attic?

I'm organizing the
christmas decorations and...

Sorry, dad. I can't right now.

Oh, just spot your old man,

Make sure i don't
fall down the ladder?

Oh, dad,
i really can't leave my room.

I'm helping gunther
with math homework.

(mimics gunther) i don't know
about this fraction, kick.

Just add a decimal point and a
percentage sign and you'll be fine.

Dad: Oh, but, son,
i really need your help

With these ornaments and lights.

Not to mention that
creepy electric santa.

I'll just lift this
heavy stuff on my own.

(dad whistles)

(crashing) (grunting)

Kick, help me.
Maybe, it wasn't a trick.

I'm hurt bad.

(cat yowls) (dad groans)

Not buying it, dad.

Ah! The reindeer
antler, it burns!

(crashing noises)

Dad? Are you okay?

Ho ho ho.

Maybe he did need help.

Give me the cookies! (screams)


How did you know?

I always know.

(laughs menacingly)

Ho ho ho.

Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Take that.
You dumb little saint nick.

Santa ain't getting
cookies this year, kick.

I am.

What am i doing?
Come on, harold.

You don't need these cookies.

Yes, yes we needs them.

We must have the sweetness.

No, no, no. Kick's a good kid.

He's just doing what
his mother told him.

(gasps) we takes the cookies.
And we eats them.

hard to argue with that logic.

Cookie town, here i come.

You'll have to find me first.

Let's make a deal, son.

I'll give you, let's see,

$2,478.63 for all the cookies.

You're carrying $2,478.63?

Are you taking the deal? No.

Then i'm only carrying $11.92.

Give it up, dad! I promised mom
i wouldn't let you have them.

But you see, son,
i made a promise to my stomach.

Now, give me the cookies!

He's crazy. Mom was right.

Gotta call mom.

(line ringing) pick up, pick up.

Give me the cookies or your
brother gets deodorized.

Please! Help me, dillweed!

Don't let him
destroy my man musk!

The ladies love it. I'll do it.


You don't seriously think i'm gonna
give these up to save brad's hygiene?

(both laughing)

Enough. I can't believe you
didn't help your own brother!

You would've helped gunther.


(gasps) gunther!

(door opens)

Hold on, buddy, i'm coming.

Safety first.

Gunther, you're okay.
Of course, i am.

So you haven't seen my dad?

Nope. I definitely haven't
seen your handsome dad.

Say, can i see the cookies
you've got in that tin?

Yeah, sure, buddy.

My mom wanted me to hide
these cookies from my dad.

(gasps) wait a second.

How did you know there
were cookies in here?

Um, x-ray vision?

X-ray vision, huh?
Then what's under my helmet?

Another helmet?

Huh. Lucky guess.

Well, why don't you just
show me the cookies, son?

I mean, best buddy.


I know it's you under that
mask, dad.

Now take it off.

(groans) what're you
doing, kick?

It is you.
Well, why did you call me son?

Why do i do a lot of things?

Hey, kick, got any of those
groovy cookies your mom makes?

Hi, gunther. Oh.

I mean,
i'm the real my son's friend!


You will never
get these cookies.

Where are your legs?

You don't want to know.

He'll never get me up here.

I tried to be reasonable, kick.

No you didn't! Oh, right.

Now, give me a cookie. No!


Here i come.

You're gonna have to
pay for that tree.


Thank you, majestic.

Oh, kick! Where'd you go?

Come on, daddy wants to
help you with your homework.

(ringing doorbell)

Kick! How can i help...

(gasps) mrs.
Buttowski's cookies, in my home.

Are you mad, child?

Mr. Vickle,
nobody else will help me!

I need to keep these
away from my dad!

It's no use, kick.

Give up the cookies.

Don't let your father do
to you what he did to us.

Our efforts to keep him cookie-less
only fueled his appetite

And one by one we fell.

No. I promised my mom.

I won't let him
eat these cookies.

Don't be a fool, kick.

The next time your father comes
knocking there will be no escape.

Dad: Cookies, are you home?
(banging on door)

You're on your own, kid.

(banging on door)
(doorbell chimes)

(doorbell chimes rapidly)

Hey, kick.
I got you a new skateboard.

Why don't you stop so
i can give it to you?

(cat yowls)

(doorbell chiming)

Mr. Perkins, you gotta let me...

Hey, clarence, what's wrong?

Dad: Oh, kick! Cookies smookies.

You mother made cookies
again, didn't she?

And these are said cookies.


Then there's only
one thing left to do.

Automated voice: T-minus
three, two, one.

Lift off.

Aw, biscuits. But on the bright
side, sayonara, kendall!

What have you done to my house?

Oh, you're still here.

Kick, come now, son.

Your old man's heart
ain't what it used to be.

I can't be running all
over town looking for you.

You know,
only the cookies will help me.

Is that your dad
looking for cookies?


Dad: Cookies!

Help me protect the cookies.

Woman: Sorry, nobody home.

Help me protect the cookies.
Man 1: Just moved.

Help me protect the cookies.

Man 2: Good bye, mellowbrook.

Help me protect the cookies.

Fancy bumping into you.

Here let me help you up.


I need those cookies, kick.

No, dad! I won't let you.

Just one.


(yells) stand back!

Or i'll soak them,
ruining their crispy texture.

No! You wouldn't,
they're so young!

Mere babes!
They did nothing to deserve this!

Just try me. Mom's orders are
to keep you from eating these.

No matter what.


It's over, dad.

Or is it?

At long last, my precious.


Dad: Crumbs!

Come on, come on.


Oh, kick. There you are.

Mom, i did it.
I kept the cookies away from dad.

Great! Now hand them over.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I guess this is the way
the cookie crumbles.

(laughing maniacally)

Give me the cookies, kick!

Kick, what are you doing?
No! (chomping noises)

(car honking)

(gasps) kick! The cookies!

I did it! Dad didn't eat them!

You weren't supposed
to eat them either!

Oh, kick, i shouldn't have burdened
you with this responsibility.

Oh, maybe i shouldn't
have made those cookies.

i should have just made a cake.

Cake? Ew.

That's okay, mom.
I learned a valuable lesson in all this.

And what's that?

I must have more
of those cookies!

(laughs) mookies, mookies!

(both yelling)

Dad: Hot, so very hot.

Ah. Good thing i'm in here
with my dearest cheap-o-chill,

You're worth every penny.

Mmm. Sweet, tingly coolness.

Brianna: I'm going in, teena.
Cover me, with lipstick.


Unhand my clock, sister.

(gasps) not till i'm
done with his makeover.


Let go. No, you let go.

No, you. You!

You! You!

(both gasping)

Huh? No!
My precious air conditioned air!

Breathe! Breathe!

Both: We broke it.


Hello, tankini lumberjacks.

Told you i'd be back.

And the brad never breaks
a promise to a magazine.

You! You did this!

You broke the only thing that makes
summer in this house tolerable!

Huh? I don't even know
what you're talking about!

Do you know how much
the repairman costs?

We're talking
hundreds of dollars!

At least tens.

It wasn't me! I swear! I swear!

All right, bri, time for us to come
clean and confess that it was us.

Bradley! You're grounded!
For the whole summer!

Brad: No!

On second thought,
i have a whole summer of stunts planned!

None of them in my room!

And i'm leaving for teena
sometimes' camp sometimes.

Sometimes a camp,
sometimes a salon!

I will not miss it!

But what about brad?

Do you want to spend
your summer grounded,

Or do you want brad to?

All we have to do is stay cool.

You're right. We can do this.

We can do this, no problem.

Brad: Why? I've been framed.

(screaming) why?

I see you feeling guilty.

Just stay cool,
no one will know we did it.

Ah, only 17 hours
till camp sometimes.

The clock is ticking!
(brad sobbing)

(gasps) the clock!

Gotta get rid of the evidence.

Goodbye, summer.

Goodbye to all the things
that i had planned.

Going to the moon, winning the
lotto, and getting a real girlfriend.

I guess i don't feel that bad.

Brad's summer plans
are ridiculous.

Even got tickets for the gnarly
games for me and the dillweed.

Oh, the depression.

Brad was going to take
me to the gnarly games?

Oh, the guilt.

Kick, go inside.
You're blocking the slight breeze.

(man whistles)


Yeah, take a picture
it'll last longer!

(camera clicks) hey,
give me that picture!

Hey, brad. How's it going?


Cheer up, bro.
This won't be so bad.

I mean, look at the bright side,

You still get to watch
tv, play games, work out,

Eat bad food, and stay up late!

All summer long.

And maybe this'll cheer you up.

I brought you your tankini mags
you had stashed in the bushes.

How'd you know where my
magazines were stashed?


I, uh,
think i hear mom calling me.

Enjoy your solitude, bro.

Yeah, brad.

I gotta do the right thing.

I can't take this anymore.

Brianna: Kick,
you gotta help me.


I can't take it anymore!
It's just too much!

I know! Me too! Let's tell dad!

Huh? I'm talking
about camp sometimes.

We're only allowed 12 suitcases.

How am i supposed to
pack my summer wardrobe

Into just 12
extra-large suitcases?

There's no way i can be
seen without at least 20!

Oh. That's also what
i was talking about.

Wait a minute, you were getting
ready to blab, weren't you?

If you make it so
i can't go to camp

I'll make sure you
never do stunts again.


Just give it a few days.
The guilt will fade.


Well? Is that nervous
lip-bite a yes? Or...

(whispers) never. Again.

Maybe, bri is right.

I just need to give it a few
days and everything will be cool.

Hot, so very hot. (groans)

Dad, are you okay?

Oh, my poor, poor cheap-o-chill.

What has brad done to you?

Oh, why couldn't brad
be more like you, kick?

You've always been the good son.

You'd never betray me like your
cheap-o-chill murdering brother.

Why? Oh, why? Oh why?

Dad. I've got to tell
you the truth. I...

Love you very much. We both do.

There goes two good eggs.

Oh, kick,
what are we going to do with you?

So yappy, yappy, yappy.

Now am i crazy, or did we not
just agree to keep it a secret?

The guilt is too much!
Brad doesn't deserve...

(chuckles) poor,
defenseless little brad?

Brad is a doofus!

How soon you forget
what he does to you!

But he was going to take
me to the gnarly games.

Oh, kick. He probably just
wanted to humiliate you.

Like when he dyed all
your jumpsuits pink.

(chuckles) that was
actually pretty funny.

Like when he put cement tires on
your bike during your gully jump.

That hurt. A lot.

Or what about when he glued
your helmet to your head.

I live with those
scars every day.

This is your chance
to even the score.

Give him a taste of
his own medicine.

With more of his
medicine for dinner.

And more of his
medicine for dessert.

Now, get out there and show
the world how cool you can be.

i need you to untie me first.

(scoffs) brianna's right.
I can deal with this, no problem.

Brad totally deserves this.

Hello there, dillweed. Brad!

I wondered how you knew
about my tankini mags.

i did a little investigating.

And guess what i found?

A new brain?
Yes, i found a new...

I mean... What?

No! I found something so
diabolical, so sinister, so...

Sure it's not your brain?

I mean,
it sounds like your brain.

No, it's this.


I never expected a
betrayal like this.

But i knew it was you.

You broke my heart, dillweed.

You broke my brad heart.

You may as well tell dad
and get it over with.

I can't live with
the guilt anyway.

Oh no. No, no, no, no.

I won't rat you out.

I've got my own
brand of punishment.

Something much, much worse.

Because you'll never
know when it's coming.

Fine. I'll just tell dad myself.

I'll make sure that you
never do stunts again!

(laughing maniacally)

Ow! I just slammed
the door on myself!

Yeah, brad.


I made everyone
some delicious soup!

How sweet!

Aw, thank you, bradley!

Hope you enjoy it.
It's good enough to be a last meal.

Ah! Get it off! Get it off!

I'll make my own lunch.

Here you go, brother.
I refilled the propane tank for you.

(brad laughs maniacally)

Brianna! Brad knows!

He's trying to
get revenge on me.

He tried to get me
with piranha soup,

And blowing up dad's grill.

Oh, you're being paranoid!

Brad makes a delicious soup,

Dad buys cheap grills.

Just calm down, it'll be fine.

No! I have to confess!

Ah, atomic peppers
for an atomic lover.

Dad! I... (brianna yells)

Little known fact
that spicy foods

Cause you to sweat more,
which cools you down.

And i've got the hottest
peppers known to man.

How's about we all stay cool
with some fresh lemonade?

Made it special, just for you.

Real special.

Kick, drink the lemonade!

You need to stay hydrated in
this horrible oven of a house.

Yeah, drink it!
It will help you stay cool.

Hmm. That wasn't so bad.

Wonder why they're called
delayed-reaction peppers?


Hey, the inspector's here.

Let's get to the bottom of this.

Everything okay in here,
inspector finecomb?

You're gonna be my punching
bag all summer long!

And there's nothing you can do.

The problem is obvious!

And if you tattle on me,
your stunting days are history!

It's broken...


No more stunts.

Punching bag.

Enough! Brad didn't break
the air conditioner!


It was me. I broke it!

(both gasping) wait. What?

You? You! You.

The betrayal! It burns!

So what's it gonna be, dad? Huh?

Lock him in the
basement till he's 30?

Let him out to use the bathroom
once a year on his birthday?

Maybe take off his helmet
and see what's under there?

I'm sorry, dad.
I should have confessed.

You're darn right you
should have confessed!

And you're gonna find a
way to pay for the ac!

Whoa, now!
Let's all take a step back!

Okay, that was fun.

Now as for this ac
unit, no one broke it.

Harold simply bought the cheapest
air conditioner known to man.

Only person to blame
is dad buttowski.

(gasps) don't gasp!

You know you bought the cheapie!

I'm surprised it
lasted this long.

Fixing it's gonna cost you big.

Do you, uh, take brad bucks?

Like i told you last winter, no!

I'm sorry i blamed you, son.

It's okay, dad.
I would have blamed you, too.

Well, now that everything's
straightened out...

Oh, no, you don't.
You lied to me

And i know just the punishment.


(both laughing)

Stay cool, brad.

Stay cool, dad.

(both laughing)

Oh, this is the last of it.

See you dorks at
the end of summer.

Whoa! Be careful, driver,
my life is up there.

Nothing ever happens to brianna.

(girls yelling)

(all cheering)