Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 2, Episode 24 - Bwar and Peace - full transcript

Kick and Gunther travel to the Old Country.

♪ Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski, buttowski

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski



♪ kick buttowski! ♪

Gunther: The place:
The old country.

The time: Many wolf moons ago.

The lingonberry pies: Delicious.

The entire town was in
danger from mount eruptus,

An active volcano that threatened
to end the lives of all vikings.

But fearless warrior thor thorsen
built a spring-powered airplane

And he bravely
launched himself in.

Appeasing the angry volcano.

Thor thorsen perished that day,

But his heroic sacrifice
saved the old country,

Which remains whole in all
of its glory to this day.

Including the pies.

(cheering)



And every year they honor thor
by choosing one lucky contestant

To re-create his heroic launch at
the annual thor thorsen festival.

Gunther, my friend, when they see
how awesome you are in this video,

You'll be like the kick
buttowski of the old country.

It's been a lifelong goal
of mine to honor my hero

And get my clothes
mountain spring fresh.

I envy you, gunther.

What you're about to do is
pure historical awesomeness.

More importantly,
how do i look on camera?

Like thor thorsen himself.

Let's do this!

Bwar! Oops!

Oh, no! I ruined the shot!

Huh?

Don't worry, gunther,
just keep filming.

I'll do the rest.

Gunther: Whoo-hoo!
This is awesome!

Can you believe it?
My video got two million views.

And my underwear smells
mountain spring fresh.

See, gunther,
i told you your video would be awesome.

(groaning)

My spleen!

It's you, baby. Boy from video!

Kick buttowski is
one of my favorites!

He's awesome, baby!

Old country mayor?
Old country mayor?

You win the contest!

You're coming to old country to
recreate the thor thorsen launch!

Bwar!

Gunther: Say, what?

Bwar!

You honor our ancestors
with your awesome-ness.

Thanks, guys, although it was me in
the video, gunther is actually...

All hail, kick buttowski!

Vikings: Bwar! Bwar! Bwar!

Gunther: My other spleen!

(sing-song tone) free
buttowski vacation!

Thanks for being such
a good viking, son.

Actually, dad, gunther is...

Did you know that the old country had
the first postal system in the world?

Because i sure knew it.

Are you sure you
don't wanna come?

Oh, we'll find plenty
to do while you're gone.

(both giggling)

Dad: Here we are, family.
The old country.

Now, don't be alarmed
by their exotic culture.

(screams) look at those clogs!

They're so ugly.
I must have them!

Now brianna, we are not here to spend all
your father's hard-earned money on shoes.

Uh-huh, that's right.

Good work. He bought it!

Now let's put brad's
college fund to good use!

Brad, are you sure you
don't want to go to

The old country post
office tour with me?

No way, dad.

I'm gonna find me a babe that
loves, honors and obeys the brad.

And there are no babes
at the post office.

Ho-ho, i beg to differ.

Have you ever seen the amelia
earhart commemorative stamp?

(growls)

Okay, gunther,
before the festival,

We need to tell everyone that you
are gonna recreate the launch,

And by the time we leave here,

Everyone will know
your name is...

Kick buttowski!

(all cheering)

Uh, no, no,
the person you really want is...

(vikings yelling)

I guess we'll just tell them
later, then?

Ow! My third spleen!

Tour guide: Up ahead
is four shadow park,

You'll see the full
scale working replica of

Thor thorsen's famous
spring loaded airplane

That he heroically
launched into the...

Yeah, yeah, good stories.
Post office up next on the tour?

For the last time, no!

So we're headed to the post office.
Sweet!

(gunther grunting)

Aw, why so heavy?

Gunther. Kick?

Mayor: Where's kick buttowski?
Must find kick buttowski.

Gunther,
we have to clear this up...

Kick? It's not supposed
to be like this.

You're supposed to honor thor.
Not me.

Mayor: Hey, there he is!

Kick buttowski,
the only one who will honor thor.

This is gonna be massive, baby!
Bwar!

Vikings: Bwar! Bwar!

This is all a big
misunderstanding.

The real viking is gunther m...

Vikings: Yeah! Kick, kick! Kick!

(groans)

(grunts)

Tour guide: Thus ends our
tour of the old country.

Oh, boy!
That was some tour, huh, bradley?

I wonder what else
there is to do.

Come on, dad. We've been from one
end of this town to the other,

And still i haven't
seen a single...

(gasps) viking babe.

Viking babe!

What do you say i buy
you some meatballs?

Hey, horned viking babe,
you hit me harder than the black plague.

Excuse me, do you have gps?
'cause i'm lost in your eyes.

Don't make me mace you.

Aw, man.
Old country brad strikes out

Worse with girls than
mellowbrook brad.

Almost as bad as
australian brad.

Why g'day, babe. Ahhh!

Cheer up, bradley.

As an attentive father,
i know exactly how to cheer you up.

A historical reenactment tour!

Eh, the only thing that will cheer
up the brad is to con a babe into...

Holy matrimony!

So flowing, so
glorious, so beautiful.

Oh, don't i know it.

Why! Hello, gigantic
reenactment dream girl that i...

(grunts)

Hey! For the last time,
you're a viking re-enactor!

You must stay in character and abide
by the rules of the ancient vikings.

Can ancient viking
babes turn me down?

They can, and they should.
Unless you've got a dowry.

Aw man, i had mine
removed in fifth grade.

No, no, no.

Ancient viking men would offer gift
of livestock to a girl's father

In exchange for marriage.

And then she can't turn me down?

Ooh,
the brad is gonna take a bride

The old fashioned way,
with farm animals.

Let's start with
you, cutie-boots!

(screams)

Mayor: Welcome to the 1000th
annual thor thorsen festival.

In a few short minutes, and after this
non-viking finishes cranking it up,

Our honorary viking and primetime
player, kick buttowski,

Will recreate thor's launch
into this replica volcano.

This is gonna be awesome, baby.

And here he is, folks!

Vikings: Kick! Kick! Kick!

Come on, gunther.
We've got to set the record straight.

You may as well just go
ahead and do the stunt, kick.

They want to see the guy in the
video, not me.

No.

You're my best friend!

And you're doing the
launch on your own,

Like you should
have the first time.

Really?

Of course!
And it's gonna be awesome!

Everyone will love you.

You're finally gonna get your
chance to honor thor thorsen.

Let me just make sure you're
lined up for the launch.

Let's do this! Bwar!
Kick: Gunther, no!

Oops!

Biscuits.

(in spanish)

Sir, we speak english here.

(gunther screaming)
(exclaims in spanish)

I'm never gonna be animal-rich.
Ahhh!

(screams)

Yeah, animal-rich brad!

Can you believe the deal i got

On these authentic
nordic weapons and wicks.

And just look at these
spectacular purple tights!

(gunther screams) well,
that was unfortunate.

Guess we'll just have to
spend more of dad's money.

Look out!

(screaming)

Gunther, are you in there?
Are you all right?

Yes, fortunately i ran out of
spleens in that last sequence.

Here, let me help you out.

The thor thorsen
festival is ruined.

Who would sink to
such lowly depths?

It was that little girl!

Get that little girl!

(vikings yell)

On second thought,
you should just stay in there.

Gunther: I blew it, kick.
I'm a failure.

I might as well just face
this angry mob like a man.

(vikings yelling)

Could it be?

(vikings gasp)

Thor thorsen has returned.
All hail, thor thorsen.

Vikings: Bwar!

Who me? Oh no.
I'm no thor thorsen. I'm gu...

Of course he is thor thorson!

You honored your great
warrior and he has returned!

Kick! What are you doing?

Just trust me. Here he is, folks!
Thor thorsen!

Vikings: Thor thorsen!
Thor thorsen! Thor thorsen!

And now we hail you.

Vikings: Bwar!

We must praise you.

Vikings: Bwar!

And we must honor you as the
greatest viking of all time!

Vikings: Bwar!

(vikings cheer)

(vikings cheer)

(vikings cheer)

Let's see.
That's two bull, four horse,

Three pig and
twenty-five chicken.

Here change.
Reenactment daughter is yours.

Now, we need to hire a new one.

Yeah, brad-groom.

(sighs)

You did it! You achieved your
dream of honoring thor thorsen.

You're right, kick.

Not only that,
you actually became thor thorsen.

You're right, kick!

And now the old
country honors you!

You're right, kick.

And look! No matter where you
go, everyone bows down to you.

You're gonna be the envy of the
cul de sac when we get home.

Home? I am never going home.

(vikings cheer)

Vikings: Bwar!

That's right.
You're never going...

Wait, what?

Gunther?

(door locks)

(gunther over phone) so i
know you'll agree with me.

Staying in the old country

Pretending i'm thor thorsen and living
in a castle treated like i'm royalty.

Ta-ta!

(phone beeps)

(creaking)

Kick, i know you're sad about gunther
staying in the old country forever,

But as an attentive father,
i know just what will cheer you up.

The post office tour!

(grunts) if they'd
only open their doors.

Brad: The brad has done it,

By using his charm and good
looks and farm animals,

The brad has found someone to
love and honor and obey him.

Especially obey.

Hey, dad, can i get married?

Sure, jason. Have all the soda you want.
Open, open, open, open!

Yeah, brad.

Bwar. Dearly beloved,
we have gathered on this day...

Uh, mom?
Are you seeing what brad is doing?

Yeah, yeah.
Matthew can do what he wants.

What happens in the old country
stays in the old country.

Gunther? That's right,
ladies and gentlemen,

It's the great thor thorsen.

He's never leaving the old country.
Ever.

Will he have a commemorative stamp?
(gasps)

Gunther!

Gunther, wait!

Uh, kick! Don't forget,
our flight leaves in three hours!

Oh, i sure hope he doesn't get
wrapped up in something ridiculous.

Yeah, husband!

Gunther! Gunther! Gunther!

Thor?

Oh, hi, kick. I've officially
changed my name to thor thorsen.

Well, thor,

I'm heading back to mellowbrook
in three hours, and...

Male viking: Thor! Thor!
Wait, wait. One sec.

Cheese.

Photo op. So, you were saying?

The plane to mellowbrook
is leaving soon and...

Be sure to write, okay?
I'll send you an autographed picture.

An autographed picture? What?

I know, i know.
You're wondering how thor thorsen

Has time to write
to all of his fans.

You're not thor thorsen.
You're gunther magnuson!

You don't belong here.
You belong in mellowbrook.

I do belong! They need me here.

But i need you.
You're my wingman!

"Wingman"? Oh, i get it now,

That's all i am to you.
Just a wingman.

No, gunther,
that's not what i meant at all!

I don't believe it.
Kick buttowski, jealous.

Jealous?

You said it yourself, kick.
You envy me for what i was about to do.

And now that i've done it, you can't
stand not being in the spotlight.

Spotlight? Gunther,
this whole time i was trying to help.

Vikings: Thor! Thor! Thor!
Wait, wait. One sec.

Cheese.

You were saying?
This is ridiculous!

It's because of me that
you're thor thorsen anyway!

Oh, that's right.
Take all the credit.

And now you want me to
go back to mellowbrook

And be your dumb little wingman
for your dumb little stunts.

Male viking: Thor! Cheese!

Where was i? Oh, right.
Dumb. Little. Stunts.

You're the one that messed
up your own launch. Twice.

You failed too, kick.

The only difference is,
my failure got me all of this.

And you'll just remain
a suburban daredevil.

Gunther, come on.

Ah! I have turned away
and folded my arms.

But gunther... Ah!

Turned and folded.
Do not make me unfold them.

Could this day get any worse?

(gasps)

Yeah, married brad!
How do you like me now, kangaroo?

Yeah, married brad.

(creaking)

(rumbling)

Mount eruptus. She has awakened!

What do we do? No way.

We're doomed!

There's only one person that
can save us from certain doom.

So, what? Like another ribbon
cutting or morning talk show?

Bigger than that, baby.

We again need the
ultimate sacrifice.

The fate of the old country
depends on thor thorsen.

Ooh! Fate of the country.

Well,
thorsen is as thorsen does.

Sure, i'll do whatever you need.

Thor will save us.
This is gonna be epic.

(vikings cheer)

And now to four shadow park.

Somehow i knew we'd
all be going there.

So many shoes!

Best post office ever!

Till death do us part!

I can't believe i'm gonna
lose my best friend.

Life in mellowbrook
will never be the same.

Oh, gunther,
can this really be the end?

(reporter on tv) can
this really be the end?

I'm outside thor
thorsen's castle,

Where thor thorsen himself has volunteered
once again to save the old country

By launching himself
into mount eruptus.

What? I've got to stop this!

I can't let gunther
sacrifice himself.

So, what's this big
sacrifice thingy anyway?

Ooh!
Is there gonna be a barbecue?

I guess you could say that.

Yummy. But just an fyi,
thor thorsen does not do potato salad.

Oh,
dear sweet reenactment bride,

How i will love you and cherish
you and lavish you with...

That will be $50 extra
for the gargantuan babe.

Fifty bucks? That's it.
Deal breaker.

You only want me for my money.
Be gone with you.

(sighs)

The brad

Is so alone.

(sobbing)

Oh, would you look
at these stamps?

(sobbing)

Bradley! Do a head count.
Don't want anyone left behind.

Brad: Dad, mom,
bri, kick, gunther.

Yup, we're all here!

And the brad is sad.

(sobbing)

Oh, will i ever find
true love again?

Well, hello, babe. I...

I think i'm in love.

Wow! Quite a turn out for
a barbecue in my honor.

I still don't do potato salad.

Well, i suppose i
should say a few words.

Citizens of the old
country, centuries ago,

Thor thorsen sacrificed
himself for our people

By flying into a volcano
and stopping the eruption.

Mmm-hmm.

And now this big time player,
thor thorsen has returned to us

In the greatest time of need.

Mmm-hmm.

And once again thor
has volunteered

To save the old country
from certain doom

By launching himself
into mount eruptus.

That's right. I... Say what?

In closing and from
the bottom of my heart,

I just wanna say,
been nice knowin' ya!

(screaming)

(screaming) stop!

Wait! I cannot let this happen.

Kick? You came back for me?

Even after all the horrible
things i said to you?

Of course i did, gunther.

I'm the one that
got you into this.

If i wouldn't have told
them you were thor thorsen,

None of this would
have happened.

I don't know. Maybe i deserve
to be launched into the volcano.

No! The man you are about to launch
into the volcano is not thor thorsen.

Show them, gunther.

(vikings gasp)

Are you serious, baby?

Hey! That little girl
is not thor thorsen!

Wait! Sure,
he may have ruined your festival,

And sure he may have
pretended to be thor thorsen

And falsely led you to believe he was
going to save you all from certain doom!

And sure, you may think he has
disgraced all of viking-dom

With his mere presence.

Thanks, kick.

But the man you are about
to launch into the volcano

Is the proudest viking
you will ever know!

And i am honored,

I am honored to be
his best friend.

You really mean that?

Yes.

(sobbing)

Will you come home?

Oh, kick, yes!

Oh, gunther!

Oops.

(gasping)

(gunther screaming)

(bird twittering)

Oh, man.
Such bravery, such sacrifice.

Hey! That little girl
saved the old country.

All: Bwar!

Wanna get lingonberry
ice creams?

I'm down with that.

Vikings: Bwar! Bwar! Bwar!

(screaming) gunther, you did it!

You saved the old country.

I did?

Hey, yeah! I did!

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen,
if you look out to your right,

You will see two kids
flying a wooden plane.

(both screaming)

(rattles)

Gunther, what's happening?

This plane wasn't built to
land, kick!

It was built to
crash into a volcano!

Kick, take the controls!

I can't do this on my
own, gunther!

We have to do this together.

I know, kick.
You take the controls

While i become a wingman.

It's who i am.

Let's land this thing.

(both grunting)

You did it, kick!
You landed the plane!

No, gunther. We did it.

We? We.

We! We! We! We! We! We!

(gasps) it finally happened.

The french are invading.

We must do battle.

(screaming)

Here we are at the
base of mount eruptus,

Where in just a moment we
will see the new statue

Dedicated to the one who
saved the old country.

Girl girlsen.

Eh, i'm comfortable with that.