Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 1, Episode 5 - Kickasaurus Wrecks/Battle for the 'Snax - full transcript

A local football team owner asks Kick to be the half time entertainment.

♪♪ [theme]

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick, kick ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪
♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪





Okay. What next, kick?

Go set up the target,
and i'll get the fuel.

Right. Woo-hoo!

[bell dings]


Hey, short stuff,
you look like you need a little help.

Such a cute little boy.

[clears throat]

Hi, can i be...

Hello. Hello.

Oh, there you are.

[laughing] just the soda.

Well, that's a pretty big
soda for a shrimp like you.

Nobody calls me shrimp.

Okay, okay. [register dings]

[shuddering] sheesh.

Sensitive, aren't you?
[doorbell dings]

I tell you, gunther,

All my life i've
been called shrimp.

But one day soon,
that's all gonna change.

My gosh,
is that your baby brother?

No! Shh!

Ixnayon the aby-bay.

He's so cute.

You want cute?
I'll give you cute.

[cat yowls]

How's that for cute?

That was big, kick.

Do you want me to
set them up again?

We're gonna need more soda.
[horn honking]

[horn blaring] [cat yowls]

♪♪ [electro]

[eastern european accent] hello.

I am rowdy remington.

You, boy in helmet,

You just exactly what
i am looking for.

I am needing half-way

For my newest purchase,

The mellowbrook arena
footballing club.

Halftime show, huh?
What do you got in mind?

You. You are going to be big.

Big? Big?

I'm gonna be big.
[engine revving]

[crowd cheering]


Hey! Oy! Hello.

Something is wrong
with your friend.

He's in the zone.

Where do i sign?

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
let me take a look at that?

"Res ipsa loquitor,
habeus corpus,

Ad infinitum." you're good.

♪♪ [marching drums]
[crows cawing]

[whistle blows]



Rowdy, babe.

The dressing rooms? Fab.

But i'm gonna need you to replace
those grapes with pineapples.

Kick only eats
fruit with spikes.

Yes, yes, i will take care.

Where is this kick anyhow?

Somebody say my name?

You ready?

We just need to iron
out one last detail.

Did you want kick to do the
triple-gainer kick-twist

Or the full 720
half-caf grindout?

Ha ha ha!

You guys, you crazies.


What is this?

It's your shrimp costume.

I tell you,
he exactly what i am looking for.

See? He only person
in mellowingbrook

Who is small enough
for shrimp outfit.

[girls giggling]

Oh, i don't think so.

He's smaller than my daughter.

Look at that tiny guy.
He's adorable.

[overlapping chatter]

Oh, he's so cute.

I'm not cute!


And i ain't no shrimp.

I'm out of here.

Hey! Where you are going?

We have contract for
big halftime show, bro.

[sighs] fine.

See you at halftime.

Kick, what are you gonna do?

He wants big, i'll give him big.

♪♪ [rock]

[whistle blows] [buzzer]

[crowd murmuring]

Oh, boy!
Halftime show is about to start.

Shrimp boy is going to be big!

Ladies, gentlemen,

And fellow garlic
prawns fanatics,

You deserve only the finest
in arena football shows.

So i'm pleased to present to you

Kick buttowski! [crowd cheers]

Oh, boy!

And kickasaurus rex!

Kickasaurus what?

[engine revving]

[men screaming]

Now this is a halftime show.


Where did those
cars coming from?

I... Found 'em.

[alarm chirps]



Peoples come to see shrimp boy!

Not today.

[engine powering down]


[electricity crackling]

Aw, man.



It's controlling itself.


Hey, kick,

If you're there,

Then who's driving rex?

That's my car!

Aw! Come on!

It seems the scoreboard has
given rex a mind of his own.




[siren blaring]


[whistle blows]

Hey, bro, what are you
going to do about this?

I'm gonna stop it,
free of charge.





[crowd screaming]

Oh, no! Looking at my arena!

Lawsuits a plenty.

Oh, mamishka.




[shouting continues]

What are we gonna do?

You create a distraction.

I'll shut him down.



Hey, rex! ♪♪ [dance]

Your mother's a station wagon.

[engine revving] [roars]

I think i got his
attention, kick.

Now what?

Hey, rust bucket, over here.






Boo! Boo! Boo!

Hey! I want my 12.50 back!

This looks bad, kick.

We gotta do something fast.

You're right, gunther.
I gotta do something.

Something big.

Boo! Boo! That was really scary.

[crowd cheering]

[whistles] yeah!

See! I telled you.
Shrimp boy is big.

[cheering continues]

♪♪ [rock]


Note to self: Adjust
angle on ramp.

[birds squawk]


Note to self: Land
on softer trash.

[flies buzzing] [sniffs]

Mom! Dad! Hurry!

It's almost lunchtime!

'Sup, bjorgen?

[speaking fake swedish]

Tell me about it.

Oh, i don't need a menu.

I'm gonna have the usual.

Bring it on.

[clears throat]

One nordic stew!



Best nordic stew in town.

Glad i beat the lunch rush.

This is the lunch rush.

No customers, no
money, no business.


[blows nose]


All this work for nothing!

What do you mean?
You've got the best food in town.

i'm afraid the time has come.

The time? What time?


Time to close restaurant.

Feel shame.

Move back to old
country like coward.

What? What?

Leave mellowbrook?

Leave kick?

What will i do without
my best friend?

Are you sure this is safe?

Oh, yeah.

We do this all the
time where i'm from.


What would life be like
without my best friend?

Is the landing pad
ready, gunther?

Don't worry, kick.
I'll catch you.

I'm sure glad we are friends...

We are friends...

We are friends...

We are friends...

We are friends.


[all sobbing]

Hang on.
I'm not losing my best friend.

[sniffs, slurps]

And i'm not losing my
favorite restaurant.

And gunther's not doing
stunts with some dutch kid.

It's too late!

We leave in just two wolf moons!

I don't know what
a wolf moon is,

But i'm gonna fix this. But how?

I don't know.

[engine revving]

[birds twittering]

[doorbell chimes] i got it!

Now i know.

People these days,

They want more from their
restaurants than just food.

They want a theme.

A theme?

♪♪ [disco]

How we find theme

When all we have is war mace,

Rubber torch,

Chain mail,

And battle axe?

Exactly. People want awesome.

And what could be more
awesome than vikings?


They want you guys.

And all the cool
things that go along

With your barbaric heritage.


Did he just call us barbarians?

Oh, let us hear the boy
out, magnus.

Trust me,
this idea is gonna kick buttowski.

♪♪[ Rock]

Today is a great day,

For they will say
that this is the day

People came in great numbers
to eat at the battlesnax.




Finally! A customer!

[moo] howdy.

This old heifer's mighty hungry.

Is this here cattlesnax?

[all sigh]

Two doors down.



A customer!

Is this where i can buy
some straddle slacks?

[all sigh] four doors down.


Is this the bank?



I don't think this is
working, kick.

Maybe a theme
isn't quite enough.

Maybe they want more.

Maybe they want entertainment.

In ancient days,

When warriors craved
the delicious,

Nutritious nourishment
at reasonable prices,

They first did battle.

♪♪ [bagpipes]

Dinner theater! So classy!

[both shouting]

[metal sounds] [clicking]


[clatter] [roars]



[blows raspberry] [bell dings]

What a cute little restaurant.






Enjoy your meal.

I think i'm gonna be sick.

I don't understand.

We did everything you said.

Back to the old country.

Where you really do have
to fight for every meal.

[bears snarling]

If only battlesnax could
have drawn a crowd.

Something to remember me by.

I'm sorry, gunther.

I'm sorry, everyone.

I give up.

[speaking fake swedish]

Kick buttowski.

You're right.

I am kick buttowski.

And kick buttowski never quits.

[women] ♪ never
quits, never quits ♪

Back to the
restaurant, everyone.

Battlesnax needs a crowd,

And drawing a crowd
is what i do best.

But how?

I don't know.

[engine revving] now i know.

[video game beeping]

[coin clatters]

[woman] oh! My hair!

Come and get it.

[barking] aah!

[crowd screaming]

[whistle blows]

[whistle blows]

Oh, yeah! Touchdown!


That's right. Uh-huh.

Who's kick buttowski?

Come and get it, boys.

And if anyone has any reason

That michelle and chris
should not be married,

Speak now, or...

He took the bride! After him!

Breathe in relaxation and
let go of all negativity.

The peace...

Get that viking!

[crowd screaming]

[video game beeping]

[horn honking]

You promised a crowd.

No time.
We need to move quickly.

Gunther, bjorgen, the door.

[crowd clamoring]


Helga, nordic stew.

Magnus, fan.

Hurry, kick.
I can't keep them back much longer.





Wait for it.

Now! Fan.

[man] follow that kid!

Mmm. [sighs]

[all] mmm...

[bodies thudding]

Wow, this is good. Delicious.

2, 4, 6, 8!

Battlesnax is super great!

So unique.

So norse. [slurps]

Eating this nordic stew brings
me such levels of peace.

I'm going to eat here for
breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I'll never eat
anywhere else ever.

[both grunt]

[register dings] great
work, kick!

Looks like we don't
have to move back

To the old country after all.

I'm not done yet.

diners of mellowbrook!

Today we saved battlesnax!


Now onward to valhalla!

[wood creaking] ah, biscuits.

And now with drive-thru service!


[speaking fake swedish]

Thanks, bjorgen.
I know just what you mean.

♪♪ [accordion]

♪ No one will be friends ♪

♪ With the little sad boy ♪

[bears snarling]