Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Brutal Acts of Kindness - full transcript

My life was going pretty terrible.

I lost my job, had to move in

with my sister and my niece.

And then, things got weird.

I wouldn't do that.

Super weird.

- Am I still asleep?
- No.

In every generation,

there are 36 righteous souls.

You are the last of the righteous.

You are on a mission to bring

balance to the Universe.

- Who are you talking to?
- She can't see me.

She's done a pretty good job

convincing me she's real.

You don't make protecting you easy.

And now I have to do something

I haven't had to do before...

Put others before myself, help people.

I am the last guy you'd ever
want to save the world,

but I think I can figure it out...


Did that meteor give you superpowers?

Did it?

Uh, superpowers?

That's... What's so...

Why would you even ask that?

Because I've seen weird stuff.

Reese, you have... That's not...

Reese, that is the craziest

thing that I have ever heard.

Do I have superpowers?

First of all, if I did have superpowers,

do you think I would be
keeping it a secret?

I knew he wouldn't give
me a straight answer.

... kind of hurts my feelings 'cause

- I've always wanted superpowers...
- But that's fine.

He already told me
everything I need to know.

... trying to, like, live in
the world with normal powers,

not even... I don't even
have normal powers.

The more he talks like a crazy person...

... medium-regular-guy type of thing...

... the more I know
I'm closer to the truth.

... because if you're not hydrated,

then you can start to see things...

Something happened the
night the meteor fell.

There was a guy who
thought he had superpowers

'cause he was on drugs,
and he jumped off a cliff.

And I have a theory.

- _
- It's the classic origin story.

Meteor falls to Earth...

I wouldn't touch it!

... normal idiot touches it.

Idiot acts weird, heads home,

goes to sleep, and then
the changes begin.

Idiot will never be the same again.

♪ Eating breakfast, eating breakfast ♪

But what kind of powers does he have?

I've already seen a couple.

He might be immortal.

He can definitely float in thin air.

♪ Goes right in my tummy ♪

But is that all, or are there

more powers I haven't seen yet?

Maybe he can move things with his mind.

♪ Tastes so good ♪

Hey! Why?

I thought you'd stop it.


You wasted all of my favorite cereal.

The meteor did something to him...

... and I'm gonna find out what it is.

Re-sync for Plutonium version
by senckyz



I have certified mail for Kevin Finn.

I can take it for him.



You taking Reese to school or what?

She'll be late.

Uh, no. She's off...

Teacher conference day.

Are you sad because my parents
used to dress us alike?

Because I have about 15 years of

photos that will make you weep.

You were darling...

Both of you.

We still are.

Time passes so quickly here.

And none of you realize it until it's...

It's too late.

In a blink of an eye, it's over.

These two babies will never exist again.

Hey, are you okay?

Kevin, you in there?

Yeah. One second.

- Hey, Reese.
- Hi.

You look... tired.

Oh. Um, I'm not.

Hmm. Must just be your face.

You knocked, right?

Here, this just came for you.


So, what is it?

It is my last severance check from work.

It's just in time...
The well was running dry.

Now it's sushi for breakfast every day.

Is that a joke?

I guess not.

Can I ask you a question?
It's kind of important.

As you can see from
the quiz scores, Reese...

She really started out the term strong.

That's great.

Every time I ask her how she's doing

in school, all I get is "good."

Eh. Well, you know Reese.

She does not like to be
the center of attention.


I... Actually, I-I found the place

that she expresses herself the best.

It's... It's in her writing.

Oh, yeah, I know. She's always

writing in that diary of hers.

Oh. Sorry.

She gets mad when I
call it that. Her journal.

Well, that's actually...

It's kind of why I'm excited to see how

she does with this next assignment.

The students will follow and interview

someone they admire,

and then write their history.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

We're trying to teach them how,

oftentimes, history is shaped

by the historian, you know?

Well, some of my work is classified,

but I still have some great

stuff for her to write about.

Oh. Uh...

Reese... Reese said she
was gonna ask Kevin.

Kevin? Oh!


Gr... Great.

- Kevin.
- Right?

She... That's great.


Well, I'm sure he'll be thrilled.

- No. Absolutely not.
- Come on! Please?

You're not doing a report on my life.

Write about your mother.

I already know everything
about her. That's boring.

Please. Your mom is so cool.

Did you know she got all
A's until the 11th grade,

which, as I say it, doesn't sound cool,

but you just need to trust me.

- No, I don't.
- Well, the answer is no, okay?

Definitely no, infinity no.

Okay? Now, I got to run,

because I'm late now to do the...

Things that I do.

Reese is gonna be a problem.

I can't lie my way out
of what she's seen,

so what should I do?

She wants to grow up so badly.

Help her appreciate her childhood

while she still has it.

Why are you so sad?

Are you still homesick?

Look, I'm not used to dealing
with all this human emotion.

I mean, sadness, fear, regret.

It's this place.

Mm. It's overwhelming.

Can I do anything to help?

No. Focus on your job. I just...

I just need to find my inner peace.

I know it's in there somewhere.

Mm. There. Better.

Oh. Easy.

29 large is giving me so

much inner peace right now.

Get out a sweet hundo for myself.


What is it?

$12 and a coupon for lip balm?

- _
- No! Come on!

I want my money!

The Universe thinks you need lip balm.

Let's get some.

But... money.

I'm not sure what to do.
Do I just, like...

Buy $12 worth of these?

Hey, um...

Quick work-related question...

Are your lips dry?

Ugh. I left my wallet at home.

I might have cash in the car.

- Uh, how much is it?
- $13.46.

I'm gonna have to run home.

Uh, you know what?

I... Here, I'll get it.

- What?
- Yeah.

No, uh, you don't have
to do that. That's fine.

No, no, it's all good.
I even got a coupon.

$12 even.

Thank you. That's so... nice.

You're welcome.
Uh, enjoy your moist lips.

And your, uh, turkey jerky.

I will.

- Thanks again.
- Mmhmm.

You want your receipt?

Oh. Uh... ah, sure. Thanks.

Okay, we're done. It's easy.

I'm pretty sure there's more to do.



I have a bad feeling about this.

- What?
- Where this is going.

The Universe is gonna make me give

away all my money. I can feel it.

And why is that bad?

Because it's my money.

Kevin, money is just paper.

- It's worthless.
- Actually, that's not true.

Um, it has a specific worth
written right on the bill.

Worthless, unless you're
using it to spread joy.

When you were an investment banker,

you hoarded money, you worshiped it.

How did it make you feel?

Fine. Rich.


Let's make up for that.

This is the perfect
time for a lesson about

the incredible rewards you reap

by simply being generous to others.

Fine. Let's... Let's be generous.

Let's... just do it.


- What?
- I'm doing it.

Popsicle stick?

Does anybody like free ice cream?

Free burritos. Come get 'em.


Is that a prescription?

Can you read that?


Just need to fill...

... uh, that... whatever that
writing says right there...

For a loved one.

Okay. Uh, can I see your insurance card?

Oh, I-I don't have insurance.

Oh, that's no problem.

- It'll just be a moment.
- All right.

How do you feel?


Aw, come on!

Deep down in your gut,

how does it feel to make
those people happy?

- Honestly?
- Yeah.

It's pretty amazing.

I know! I know!

So, uh... what's my reward?


Yeah. You said, um, there
would be "incredible rewards"

once I gave all my money away.


Uh, yeah. This.

This is the reward... the way
you're feeling right now.

- Right.
- Right.





You thought the reward was

- getting all your money back.
- I did. Kind of. Yeah.


think about all the good you did today.

Kindness is infectious.

Now, the people you help
will be much more inclined

to help someone else.



Uh, without insurance,
your total is $540.

Of course it is.

That's all my money.

Insulin. Maxwell Owens.

Uh, hey! Sorry.

Uh... Uh, we just moved.

Do you have the, uh, address on file?

801 Creek Lane. 801 Creek Lane.

Hi. Is, uh... Is Maxwell home?

I-I'm Max.

Oh, good. Um, this is for you.

Who are you?

- Uh... I...
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Can I help you?

He brought me my insulin.


Max, go inside.

- What the hell is this about?
- Um, nothing.

I'm just a... Just a friend, kind of.

You're a grown man giving
drugs to a teenage boy.

What? Ew. No. That sounds gross when

- you say it like that.
- Okay, I don't know what you're up to,

but I want nothing to do with it.

Okay. But still here.

- No.
- Well...

- You... you have to take it.
- No, I don't have to do anything.

- I'm just trying to help.
- We don't want your help.

But I...

Reese, come on!

You're gonna be late for school.

What kind of mother turns

down medication for her son?

A good one? She's not wrong.

I am a total stranger
offering her kid drugs.

Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh.

I'm... I'm feeling...

I don't know what this is.

Frustrated. I'm feeling frustrated.

- Mm.
- It's very unpleasant.

Yeah. That's pretty much my baseline.

How are you supposed to help someone

when they won't accept it?

Some people are too proud to
admit they need help, that...

They think it means they're weak.

I get that. I've done that.

I don't get it.


It's a setback.

But we just have to
figure out another way

- to get the medicine to him.
- No. Forget it.

We're not spending
any more time on this.


Okay, I know that you...

You're new to feelings
and everything, but...

But this is clearly
your emotions talking.

I want them to shut up.

Well, you could try to do what I do

and stuff it all down into
a dark, terrible place

and deal with it in therapy later.

It's great advice.

That is great advice.

Hey! Hi. Ready for school?

Let's go.


What is this?

Oh, that's...

Just some medicine I had
to pick up for a friend.

You know Max Owens?

Do you know him?

I know who he is.

He goes to my school.

Oh, my God. That is great.

Would you give that to him for me?

No. - Why?

Because. No. It's weird.


I will you let you do your report on me.



You can interview me, ask me anything,

as long as you get that medicine to Max.

I mean, I...

I don't even know him.


You don't have to make out with the guy.

- Shut up.
- Reese.

Think about all of the
amazing, interesting things

I have to tell you about my life...

So many secrets to share.

- Fine.
- Great.

I'm interviewing you tonight.

I'm unavailable, actually, ton... Ow.


- Yeah?
- Hi.

Um... sorry.

Um, Kevin, my uncle,

wanted me to give this to you.


That guy was your uncle?


And why did he do that?

I don't know. He sometimes
does weird, nice things.

Well, I-I could use a refill.

Tell your uncle I said thanks.

Hey, Max. Let's go.

Yeah, I'll be right there.

All right.

We got it.

The grant for large-scale
invisibility optics...

We got it... Full funding!

- Amazing.
- I know!

I can make an airplane disappear,

yet Reese still chooses Kevin.

Not at all following what you're saying.

I'm sorry. It's stupid.

Reese has this project,

and instead of doing it about me,

she chose Kevin... Mr. Fun Time...

Who basically just eats
yogurt all day long.

I thought you liked having
your brother around.

I do. I love him.

It's just, you know, this is
the story of my life, okay?

I do all of the hard work,

and then Kevin swoops in
and everybody loves him.

Don't be so hard on yourself.
You're really fun.

I mean, I can't come up
with a specific right now,

but generally speaking, you are fun.

I know that. Yeah. I just
need to remind Reese

that I am not all work, no play.

I'm the perfect one-to-one
work-play ratio.

Just... don't remind her like that.








We're camping!

Are you surprised?


We haven't gone camping in

the yard since I was like 10.

I know. I know! I've missed it, too.

I have, like, tons of
biology homework tonight.

That's perfect...

Biology under the stars.

Come on. It'll be fun.

Just you and me, just us girls,

no pesky distractions.

I found your old sleeping bag.

Come on!

- See, isn't this fun?
- Mm-hmm.

Everyone thinks that
Kevin's the fun twin,

but I know fun... Big time.

Mom, did I do something wrong?

What? No. Why?

You're just not acting like you.

Are we camping?

- Yeah, but it's...
- I love camping! Incoming!

I brought all those, um,
floor marshmallows.

- You want one?
- No.


More for me.

Did you know that I once fit 40

of these in my mouth at once?

You can put that in your report.

Actually, don't, because

I think I could beat it tonight.

I got a bigger mouth now than I did.

You've always had a pretty big mouth.

♪ Can you throw them over your ♪

♪ shoulder like a Continental soldier? ♪

♪ Do your ears ♪

♪ Hang ♪

♪ Low? ♪

Camping is so fun.

Reese, did you know that
we used to come out here

with our mom and dad?

And it was a real dumb idea, because...

I don't know if you knew this...

But there was a serial
killer in this town?

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember this.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it was very scary,
'cause he would wander around,

maiming innocent victims with a rake.

No. No serial killers use rakes.

It was a sharp...

Sharp rake.

It was as sharp as an Axe!

It was an Axe.

And he would sneak up...

Aah! Reese, he's right behind you!


Come on. Are you made of wood?

You know what we need? We need s'mores.

Come on. Who doesn't love a s'more?

I'm on it.

Why haven't you done it yet?

- What are you talking about?
- Give the medicine to Max.

I did.



You better not be trying to
get out of our interview.

I'm not. It's just, I...

I thought that was the last thing.

I must have more work to do.

How'd the handoff go?

I don't know.


All of his friends were around.

Oh. Were they jerks?


But they were just
staring at me, like...

Like, "Who is this random girl?"

Is everything okay at school?

Yeah. It's fine.

I want you to tell me

what's going on, Reese,
so I'm gonna start

shoving this marshmallow into
my nostril until you talk.

Go ahead. Do it.

I will do it.

I wish there was another way.

- Oh. Look.
- You're disgusting.

Are you gonna tell me what's going on?

- Stop!
- There's only one way to stop...

If you tell me... tell
me what's going on!




When my dad died, everyone

kept asking how I was doing.

I just didn't want to talk
about it all the time.

That's understandable.

Except then I was the girl who

didn't want to talk to anybody.

And is that true?


Sometimes, I don't want to be alone.

Who wants a s'more?

Mom, I'm sorry.

I really have to finish this.


I'll have s'mores with you.


What's all this?

I forgot about this 401k that I had.

I can cash it out, with a penalty.


Well, I figured, once
Max got his medicine,

this would be over, but still no vision.

So, I think I'm supposed
to give away more money.


Plus, I have some stocks I can sell.

You have grown so much.

It's just money.

Oh. Okay.

Oh! Oh, I hate these emotions.

Every... Everything is
just right at the surface,

but I love that you're doing this.

You stay away from my son,

and you stay away from me!

I don't understand why you

won't take help for you son.

You know, you think you're
a hero because you bought

one month's worth of insulin for Max?

What about next month?
What about next year?

Fine! I'll... I'll buy it
as long as you need me to.

You know, I don't need your charity.

You're just being stubborn.

I work three jobs to take care of Max,

and I'm still almost $30,000 in debt.

And no matter how hard I try to

- crawl back, it just gets worse.
- Wait. $30,000? That was

basically the amount
of my severance check.

Oh. Well, lucky you.
Have fun spending it.

I already did.

Wait, look, look, look, look...
I'm truly, truly sorry.


I was just trying to be nice.

- I'm sorry.
- It's fine.

It's not your fault. I, um...

I guess I just needed an
outlet for all my anger.

Well, I'm... Just so you know,

I'm always happy to get yelled at,

so you can vent away.

I'm Kevin, also, by the way.

Emily. I'm sorry.

It's just all getting a
little overwhelming.

My deadbeat ex took our son

off of his health insurance

as revenge because Max
wanted to live with me.

And I lost my insurance

when I changed jobs, so...

I just keep opening up credit cards.

And now you can't climb out of the hole.

I don't care if I'm a
million dollars in debt.

I'd do anything for that kid.

And I guess I shouldn't be surprised,

but Jason hasn't paid a penny
in child support, either.

His own son? Mm.

That's evil.


Doesn't sound great.

That is a nice way to put it.

Tell her she'll get her money back.



- What?
- What?

Just tell her.



Okay. Just breathe.

Are you having a stroke?

- Forget it! I know what to do.
- Ah...


No. I have to go. Um...

We'll... I'm... We'll keep in touch.

Thank you for... Yes, I'm fine.

I'm just... There's, uh um

I'm gonna figure some things out.

Walnut Apple Crumble for the lady,

and for the constable...
Pudding with a spoon.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

So, I camped out with Kevin last night.

Mm! Roughing it.

Yeah. And at first, I
was pretty mad at him,

but, I don't know, ended up having fun.

What'd he do now?


I was just blaming him for

something that wasn't his fault.

I was frustrated that I cannot

keep up with Reese's moods.

I mean, one minute we're best friends,

and the next, she's
kicking me to the curb.

Sounds about right.

Think of yourself when
you were a teenager.

I was perfect.

- I hung out with my mom all the time.
- All right.

Well, think of any other
teenager in the entire world.

I mean, they're complete irrational

jerks for like eight years.

Just got to weather the storm.

No. No.

I do not wait for problems
to solve themselves.


I just need to figure out a
way to get into her head,

you know, get some common ground.

I wish I could... see into her brain.

- Uh, no, you don't.
- Yeah, I do.

Look, I don't need her to
tell me everything, but...

Just basically everything?


Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's happening here?

I can't try your dessert?

No. You can't just have my pudding.

- That's... gross.
- Why?

Pudding is basically cold soup.

I mean, would you eat
somebody else's soup?


All right. Fine.

Have a taste.

- Okay.
- I can't watch this.

Looks like her ex-husband lives her.


Are you feeling all right?

Got a little fired up for
a moment, but I'm good.

You know, I never
understood road rage...

Calm one minute, insane the next.

Now I get it.

Except you weren't driving,
so it was just rage rage.

Well, it passed.

Regardless, I think her
ex-husband is the key to this.

Be kind. Maybe he'll be kind, too.

Hey, are you Jason Owens?


I-I-I wanted to talk to

you about Max and Emily.

What's she whining about now?

She's... She's not.
She just needs your help.


- Yeah.
- But I don't want to help.

Hey, come on, man.

I mean, we're all in this together.

No, we're not.

Tell Emily if she can't
afford the medicine,

then maybe she shouldn't
have had a sick kid.

What the hell are you doing?

I am not sure.

Make a fist.

- Uh, I don't really...
- Make a fist, now.

Like this?

Whoa! What are d...

I am so sorry! I'm...

Can we talk about this?

Aren't we supposed to talk
about things like this?

Enough talking!

Aah! Ow!

Okay. All right.

- I'm so sorry!
- Mnh-mnh!


I... I really don't
want to be doing this,

but I am, and I can't stop!

I'm sorry!


Kevin, will you please say something?

- Mm!
- Kevin.

Why are you even asking?
If I'm your little puppet,

why don't you just make me talk to you?

I'm sorry. I-I saw red, and

I couldn't control myself.

So you controlled me instead? Not cool.

I've never done anything
like that in my life,

and I've had a very, very long life.

I'm truly sorry.

Do I have to keep worrying

about you flying off the handle now?

I don't know.


Hi. I, um...

I brought you some of
your child support.


I thought you were just being crazy.

I-Is there blood on this check?

Should I ask?


Uh, look, I know this
doesn't even come close

to solving your problems,

- but I am not giving up, okay?
- Okay.


I, uh...

I've never met anyone like you.

Everything in my life seemed
dark and hopeless, and

now I see a tiny light.

You mean me. I'm... I'm the light?

- Yes.
- Okay. Just, uh, making sure.

- She means me.
- Oh, Gosh.

One milkshake. Enjoy.

I ordered a turkey wrap.

Yeah, I know. But you need a milkshake.

I can tell.

It's my superpower.

What's got you down?

I'm writing a school paper about Kevin.

Oh, finally. My boy's getting some ink.

Can I read it?

I mean, there's not much to read.

Said he was "busy" today.

So far, I know he can stuff

a bunch of marshmallows in his mouth.

Oh. How many?

It's not important.

Maybe I could ask you some
questions about Kevin.

Ah, I don't know. I was kind of

saving for his Wikipedia page.

But you're family, so shoot.


Do you have any idea
why Kevin would fill

a stranger's prescription for them?

Hmm. Not sure.

Kevin's always been pretty giving.

I remember, back in high school,

we had a teacher who got
hurt in this car accident,

and he put together this
whole fundraiser for her...

This big thing.

Wow. I didn't know Kevin was

like that when he was younger.

Oh, yeah. He got the Engineering Team

to volunteer at this, uh...


Hold up.

Hold the phone. Aw, man.

Yep. That wasn't Kevin.

That was Amy.


- Yeah.
- My mom?

Yeah. All that stuff that I

said before... that was Amy.

In my defense, their mom used to

dress them alike all the time.

It was this creepy twin thing.

I think you mom might
actually be my best friend.

My mom did that?

Yeah. She was great.

You should write a paper on her, too...

Like a, uh, companion piece.

I think I have enough information.

Thanks, Tyler.

Oh, hey. Is it cool if
I finish your shake?


Oh. Hey.


Sorry. What's your name again?

Reese. Cabrera. Reese Cabrera.


You know, my mom said, at first, she

thought your uncle was a huge creep.

But it turns out, he's
actually a good guy.

He grows on you.

Uh, hey, a-a couple of us are

gonna go see a movie tomorrow.

You want to come?

I don't know. Um...

Okay. I'll come.

Cool. Uh, we're gonna
meet there at about 5:00.


- Bye.
- See you.

I've got a hot take...

Kindness is dumb.

If I hadn't tossed away all

my money to random people,

I'd have 30 grand...
Exactly what Emily owes.

I could've helped her
get back on her feet.

But instead, I failed.


I can't even control my emotions

enough to keep you safe.

That's my only job.

Well, at least we can
be failures together.

Hey, lip balm guy. It's you.

Yeah, I saw you over here
mumbling to yourself,

and I didn't know if I should, uh...

- Oh.
- ... interrupt.

- Yeah.
- I just had to stop and thank you again

- for what you did the other day.
- Oh. It was nothing.

Made me smile for the rest of the day.

You know, if more people
did stuff like that,

the world would be a better place.

Well, we can dream, I guess.

Well, if there's anything
I can ever do for you,

just give me a yell, or at
least let me buy you a beer.


Sorry. I thought I had that on vibrate.

"Rick Thomas, Attorney at Law."

Yeah. Two first names.

It's tough to get a judge
to take me seriously.

Uh, you take care.

"Specializing in medical insurance

litigation and claim denials."


I have a friend who might want

to join us for that beer.



Okay. Yeah.

When did you stop being my little girl?

Sure. Kevin's a superhero.


Mom, you home?

In my room.

I wanted to talk to you.

I was wondering if I could do

my history project on you.

I only asked Kevin because

I just wanted to figure
out what he was up to.

Oh, I think we both know
what Kevin's been up to.

That's my journal.

When exactly were you gonna tell

me that you've been arrested?

Okay, well, retroactive
coverage should be easy.

And any bills that aren't paid
immediately we can appeal.

That is incredible.

Thank you.

Thank you.

All I did was buy some lip balm.

I want you to take a look...

I'm gonna use your bathroom.


Can anyone tell me where I am?

Please don't be there anymore.

Please don't be there any... Oh.

Kevin? You all right?


Yeah. You've been in there a while.

Do you need some Pepto?

I'm okay.

I'm okay.



Everything is, apparently, fine.

Your friend is a miracle worker...

And so are you.

I can't believe it.

You're more than just a tiny light.

You're a medium-sized light, at least.

Now, you're going too far.

- Did you need to...
- He's... No, no. It's fine.

You just... How long was I in there?

A long time.

- Come on, be happy. We won.
- I am happy.

And I'm exhausted.

It's making me insane to go from sadness

to rage to happiness to God

- knows what next. Whew!
- Most people go through that

before lunch every day.
That's life... Highs and lows.

How does anyone get anything done

with all this stuff running through you?

Well, most of life is spent

in between, so you just remember

that, when you're down,
that's temporary.

And when you're up,
that's also temporary.

And then, when you're down again...

So, you... You saw a tiger?

No. I was chased by a
tiger through a jungle.

What do you think that has to do with

the other things you've seen...

Butterflies, canoes, a mariachi band?

Well, I don't think the Universe

is trying to tell me who
the first righteous soul is,

it's trying to tell me... where.

We'll keep working on it.

But do you mind if I sit
out here for a moment

until I settle into an in-between place?


I'm gonna ride this high
all the way to the pantry,

see if there's any new cereal.


What's wrong?


You need to go upstairs,
pack your bags, and get out.