Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 13 - Fishtail - full transcript

Looking to put an end to the "Lady of Laos" fiasco, Kevin travels to Canada in search of Tyler. However, his priorities quickly shift when Kevin realizes that deceiving Tyler actually means...

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---
Previously, on "Kevin
(Probably) Saves the World"...

- I'm a messenger from God.
- Oh, good.

I'm here to guide and protect you.

The only job you have
in life is to build up

your spiritual powers through acts

of kindness and selflessness.

God is going to show you how
to find the other righteous.

Is this ship called Cayuga?!

I don't know if she's
right, but I believe

in what we're doing.

- I'm sticking with Yvette.
- Your loss, man.



Mind if I join you?

- I don't think I'd be good company.
- That's not possible.

Yeah, my lady from Laos,
we've been in communicado.

She lives in Victoria, British Columbia.

Even her name sounds Canadian.

Leslie Nielsen.

Someone's pretending to be me.

I knew it! I knew it was you!

Well, where is he?

He quit! Decided to go to
Canada to fight for love.

Kevin! Let's go!

You're going to miss your flight!

Yeah, I'll be right down!

I don't know why you have
to come to Canada with me.



I can handle breaking up with Tyler.

Yeah, but not the aftermath.

Someone needs to be there
to pick up the pieces.

And why did you pick Victoria?

I saw a special about it
on the Travel Channel.

They have a beautiful,
waterfront market,

and I pictured Leslie Nielsen
enjoying walks through there.

Quit referring to Leslie
as a real person.

Well, it's hard not to, okay?

I painted a really vibrant
portrait of this woman.

Oh, I land in Canada
late this afternoon,

but I need you to wait for
me before you do anything.

No, no, no, no waiting. We have to go.

Yeah, absolutely. [CLEARS THROAT]

Remember, don't pull the
trigger until I get there.

Well, I'll be waiting for a while

- if you forget your plane ticket.
- Oh! Thanks.

[GASPS] You okay?

Yeah. Ye... ye... yeah.
I'll meet you there.

Okay.

_



♪ In the valley of the sun ♪

♪ I met my only one ♪

♪ While rolling down
the lovely desert trail ♪

DAVE: You sure about that?
One more card?

New player.

♪ Maybe I was ♪

Hi, Dave.

Surprised to see me?

Uh, not really.

I was actually waiting for this.

Hm.

For a chance to say, "I'm sorry."

Even though "sorry" might
not be good enough.

You're sorry?

And ashamed

that I doubted you.

And that I tried to interfere
in your work with Kevin.

- Any time you're ready.
- Okay, would you...

Cool out, you got time.

Yvette, you were right about everything.

I didn't come here to gloat.

[SIGHS] I have something to show you.



Sweet muscular McConaughey, is that...

A cut.

I cut myself on a piece of paper.

[GASPS]

Is there somewhere else we can talk?

Uh... Yeah, hold on.

Bust. Bust.

And bust. I'm going to
need a shift change.

Let's go this way.

_





Excuse me, have you seen this man?

No? His name's Tyler.

[BELL DINGS]

Hi. You haven't seen this guy
by any chance, have you?

Tyler?

Um. Dang it.



[SNIFFLES]

Oh, no. I told her to wait.

Hey, buddy. Hey.

Kev!

What are you doing here?

I just came to check up on you,

and I think I came just
at the right time.

Are you okay? Did it all
go to hell with Leslie?

Oh! [LAUGHS]

No, man. I got a fish
hook stuck in my hand.

- Oh.
- It's still stuck to the fish.

I thought it was a sign of good luck.

[CHUCKLES] And it is!

Because the K-train just rolled up!

Hey.

Why are you covered in fish scales?

Why are we covered in fish scales?

I got a job!

You got a... job?

You haven't even been here for a week.

Well, love can't wait.

And this market is
Leslie's favorite place.

Oh, really?

Yeah, she's bound to come
by, and when she does...

[IMITATES WHOOSHING SOUND]

Cupid time!

That is, uh...

A plan.

I know everybody back home

probably thinks I'm crazy.

But this is right where
I'm supposed to be.

I hope you didn't come all this
way to try and drag me back.

I just came to be here for you.

No one's dragging anyone any... [GRUNTS]

- Whoa!
- Jimbo!

Jimbo!

Your anchor fell off again!

- Oh, man!
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]

I got you, man.



[WIND WHISTLING]

I've... I've been here before.

I don't doubt that for a sec.

You're a worldly S.O.B.

No, no, not like that.

You're right, Tyler.

You are exactly where
you're supposed to be.

And I am, too.



We thought the themes in "The Crucible"

would work perfectly
in a dystopian future.

Think "Blade Runner."

Ooh. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I love it.

And, you know, I totally see how we can

work in some of the
stuff from the movie.

'Cause "The Crucible" is
all about trials, right?

Ooh, what if we stage our trials

like the interrogations
from "Blade Runner"?

You know, when they have
the machine that looks

into the guy's eye and they
ask all the questions?

The turtle in the desert?

Okay, who here has actually seen

"Blade Runner"? Show of hands.

The... the sequel?

Movie trailers don't count.

Guys, if you're going to be
influenced by something,

it's kind of... It's
good to have actually

seen it, so why don't you
give it a watch, come back,

I'll re-watch it, too,
and then we can just...

We can discuss, and that
will be our homework.

Sound good?

All right, I'll see you next week.

Reese, awesome work.

Well, I feel stupid.

It's fine. We'll just get
together and watch the movie.

Hey, this is cool.

The Alamo Drafthouse
in Austin is showing

a 35-millimeter print of "Blade Runner,"

Thursday at midnight.

Who's in?

- Me.
- I'm in.

- Yes.
- Yes!

Okay, perfect.

Did it hurt?

A little, I suppose.

Have you licked it?

I... I have not.

May I lick it?

Not if you want your tongue back.

Has anything like this
ever happened to you?

Up until now, I thought
we were impervious.

Is this the first time
you've been injured?

Yeah, and whatever caused
me to be vulnerable

is only temporary.

How do you know?



[SCREAMS]

I ran some tests.

That was amazing.

Please don't do that anymore, ever.

I mean, what if whatever
happens, happens again.

And what if it's not just
a papercut next time.

I... [SIGHS]

I'm freaking out here.

I need help, Dave.

I can't believe you're
coming to me for answers.

Why?

I... I can't go to the others.

They hold me up on a
pretty high pedestal.

Any weakness could
create panic, but you...

You see me for who I am.

You have to come back.

Seriously?

If I get hurt again,

I can't have Kevin out there alone.

- What do you say? I'm back.
- [SIGHS]

Team Kevin forever.

Great, now...

One more thing.

You can't tell Kevin any of this.



- Canada?
- Yeah, apparently Kevin thinks

Tyler is being catfished.

Well, it sounds like a
very possible scenario.

I mean, Tyler is super trusting.

You know, I once saw him
loan a guy a hamburger.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Yeah, it was good of
Kevin to go after him.

Yeah. It's sweet, right?

For him to be so worried about a friend?

- Yeah, Kevin's a good egg.
- Mm-hmm.

And I'm trained to judge character.

- Oh, really?
- Mmhmm.

How would you judge my character?

Caring.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Passionate.

To the point of crazy.

And the smartest person I ever met.



Hm.

You really think I'm the
smartest person you ever met?

Without a doubt. [CHUCKLES]

Same with the other stuff.

[SIGHS]

Guess we better...

Call it a night.

Um...

I mean, we don't have to.

You want to come in for a little while?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd like that.



[BELL DINGS]

Is business always slow here?

Aw, yeah.

But it gives me time to
keep an eye out for Leslie.

Oh! And time to learn this!

[AUSTRALIAN ACCENT] G'day, mate.

- Oh!
- I'm Bernard the sea bass.

Put me with some shrimp on the barbie.

[LAUGHS]

Are sea bass from Australia?

[NORMAL ACCENT] No idea.

But the few customers we
have seem to really love it.

[BELL DINGS]

These... Uh, these customers,

are any of them really nice, like,

righteous even?

Kevin, this is Canada, man.

Everyone here is really sweet.

It's nuts.

- Right.
- Hey, kid.

What did I tell you about
playing with the product?

Boomerang!

You get me every time
with that bit, you.

- Gus Alevrofas, Kevin Finn.
- Oh.

Kev's my best bud from back in Texas.

Well, I hope you came to talk
some sense into this guy.

I mean, get him to come home.

Cayuga!

Um, what is that? What's Cayuga?

My boat. I used to haul most
of this stuff in myself.

Well, well, well.

Hello.

[MUSIC SWELLS]

[MUSIC STOPS]

Hi. [CHUCKLES]

Well, they, uh... they make
them friendly in Texas.

Yeah. [CHUCKLES] Ah!

Hey, Tyler. Talk to me.
How did we do today?

Same as yesterday.

Damn it. I'm about to lose my ass.

Nobody's buying fish these days?

Not here. Not anymore.

When my dad was running this place,

there was a butcher on that side,

there was a cheesemonger
over on this side

and my dad's line was double theirs.

What happened to the butcher?

Oh, long gone.

All the old places got forced out

like they're trying to do to me.

You know, the landlord
has to make room for

artisanal bread and fancy
little knick-knack shops.

Just found out today they're
raising my rent again.

Just a matter of time now.

Hey.

Gus, this is the Kevin I
was telling you about,

the one who helps people.

Maybe he can help you?

You want to try a run at my

heartless landlord about the rent?

Um...

[AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]
I'd be happy to, mate!

[NORMAL ACCENT]
It's better when he does it.





REESE: Mom, have you seen my backpack?

Never mind, found it.

Nate. Nate.

- Hm?
- You got to get up.

Reese is up.

She's just not ready for me
to have slumber parties yet.

[LAUGHS] And, even if
she is, I am not ready

to have a discussion with
her about that, so...

- I need to leave.
- Yeah, you need to leave.

Okay. [GROANS]

Got to admit, this isn't
exactly how I expected

our first time together to end.

Me either, but it doesn't mean
it was any less wonderful.

Magical.

Now will you please climb out my window?

- [LAUGHS]
- It's an old house.

There's really creaky floors,

and Reese has got ears
like a hawk, so...



My keys. I left them downstairs.

I put them on the table!

- Who does that?
- There was a key dish!

Um, that's what it's there for,

and I'm very glad you
used it, but, hm...

I have an idea.



- Hey!
- Good morning!

How'd you sleep?

- Fine.
- Yeah, I slept great.

Just... like a log.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- [SIGHS]
- Who's that?

That's a great question.

Great question.

Nate!

It's Nate.

Morning.

Oh, my goodness.

What are you doing here?

Well, uh... I just,
uh, got off my shift,

and I felt like making
pancakes for some people.

And I figured that since you
guys are my favorite people,

that I'd come over to...
To make pancakes for you.

Oh, that was... That was a great idea.

Isn't that a great idea?

Did you forget to bring the stuff

to actually make the pancakes?

You know, funny enough, I was so excited

that I neglected to stop at the store.

Well, yeah, but you know what?

Lucky for you, I've
got all of the things

to make pancakes in the
pantry, so we are good.

- Wow, very lucky.
- Yes, we're very lucky.

So lucky.

Just completely. So lucky.

I'm, uh... just going
to leave these here.

Yeah, that's the right tray.

Are you kidding me? I love Gus.

You do?

- Sure. I wasn't always his landlord.
- Oh.

My folks have been here as long as his.

I've known Gus since
I was a little girl.

I must have been, like, 8 years old

when he gave me my first oyster.

Like, as a pet?

To eat.

Oh, right. Oh, yeah.

Oh, thank you.

Well, if you love Gus so much,

why are you jacking up his rent

- and trying to push him out of here?
- Is that what he told you?

Gus says that everything is
changing and you want him gone.

Well, he's right.

Everything is changing,
so I decided to pivot,

focus on specialty
foods, local artisans.

That is pretty smart.

And to be honest, I raised
Gus's rent by, like,

$30 a month, if that.

$30? That's all?

He pays way less than everyone else.

I lose money on that stall
because I like him.

Hm.

So, okay... so this is a hard
"no" on the negotiation?

If you want to negotiate,
start with Gus.

Get him to update his stall a little.

Our customers would love
an upscale fish stand.

I guess I can give that a shot, yeah.

Um... Oh, do you mind if I take a mint?

Oh, please.

Gus shamed me into eating
a bunch of raw tuna,

and it's a real nightmare
in there, breath-wise.

I make myself sick every time I talk.

And those are for everybody, right?

Oh, yeah, as many as you want.



[VEHICLE BEEPING]

- Hey.
- Hey.

How did it go dealing with the man?

The man is actually a very nice lady

who likes Gus a bunch and wants
to keep him around here.

So I don't think she's the problem.

But I got one of these.

I'm good, man.

What's wrong?

I really thought I would have

seen Leslie at the market by now.

I mean, she's got to get a hankering

- for fish at some point.
- [CHUCKLES]

[AUSTRALIAN ACCENT] Right?

Ty, what happens if Leslie comes
by and it doesn't work out?

You know, I mean, like,
what if she dumped you?

[NORMAL ACCENT] That
ain't happening, Kev.

I... of course, but just theoretically.

Well, obviously, I'd
abide by her decision.

A woman's agency must be honored.

That's very mature.

Then I'd collapse into
a blubbering heap,

go immobile for 7-14 days,

you'd have to carry me to the airport,

roll me into bed, feed and
clothe me for a while.

But then, yeah, I guess I have closure.

And we wouldn't have any unfinished
business up here in Canada.

But that's just theoretical talk.

Yeah. Yeah, just, uh...



No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You're still invisible, aren't you?

Mm-hmm.

No, no, no dinner table is complete

without the fine foodstuffs that

you people are unloading, so...

Then let's give you guys a hand.

Whoo!

Got a second to talk?

Really great pancakes, Nate.

- You think so?
- Oh, yes.

It's really nice having you over.

Cheers.

Well, maybe we should
do this more often.

Totally.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, hey, have you seen "Blade Runner"?

A while back, but yeah.

Inspired my love of origami.

Cool.

Well, I need to see it as
research for our next play.

We're doing a dystopian,
futuristic "Crucible."

- Hm, sounds very drama club.
- Yeah.

Well, um, they're having
a midnight showing of it

in Austin, and a bunch of
us were going to go see it.

Is that your way of asking permission?

You are your friends
in Austin at midnight

on a school night with
no adult supervision?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, no thank you. No.

But it's for school.

Everyone's going. It's
practically a field trip.

Reese, ask your uncle what
happened when he snuck out

to see "Rocky Horror
Picture Show" in Austin.

It was a total disaster.

Mom and Dad were up all night.
They called the cops.

Because it's Kevin!
He's always a disaster!

Okay, well, you're not...
You're not wrong there.

But the answer is still no.

No.

Fine.

[CHUCKLES]

I don't think she even liked
my pancakes that much.

Have you gone full insane?

No, lots of things have happened,

and the plans have changed.

Where the hell have you been, anyway?

I... [CLEARS THROAT]

I felt like we needed
an outside consultant.

DAVE: Hey, Coach.

I know.

I was a first-class tool,

and, um, I don't blame you
if you're mad at me, but...

Welp, here come the waterworks.

Welcome back to the team.

- Okay.
- Yes!

Okay, okay, okay.

Can I please go break up with Tyler now?

No, no, no. You can't. Okay? Not yet.

Tyler is leading us to the
next righteous person.

I've seen things here,
things from my vision.

I got dragged by a boat.

What does any of that
have to do with Tyler?

All of it.

We're here because we followed Tyler,

but if you break his
heart, Tyler goes home,

and he can't, because he is
at the center of all of this.

We have been leading him
on for so long, Kevin.

I know.

I...

[SIGHS]

What do you think?

Whether you do it today or tomorrow,

the guy's still going to be bummed out.

I'm not sure, though. I don't know.

No way!

That's me!

That is me making snow angels.

Aww, cute.

[LAUGHS] It's just like my vision.

The Universe wants us here.

That... it... it's sending us a message.

- [GLASS SHATTERS]
- What?

- What are you doing?!
- What?!

You said there was a message
from the Universe in the...

- No, that's not what you meant. Okay.
- Dave!

All right, I'm sorry.
Apologies all around.

Sorry I'm a little rusty.

Wow. Get another one.

Surprise.

Hey!

I just figured you could
use a little pick-me-up.

Oh!

And, uh, I don't know.

I just wanted an excuse to see you.

Aw, I like this.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, so, um, did Reese say anything?

Was she on to us?

No, not at all.

If you could have seen yourself
climbing out of my window,

it was so ridiculous.

[LAUGHS] I haven't climbed
out of a girl's room

like that since high school.

It was kind of fun, though.

Yeah. Yeah, it was.

We could do it again,
um, if you wanted to.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- I do.
- You do?

- I do.
- Okay, how's tomorrow?

Um, I will even let you sneak in.

Okay, okay. But I can't
climb up that drain pipe.

I mean, I almost died on the way down.

Oh, no, no, no, don't worry.
I'll leave a ladder out for you.

I got a bunch of them in the garage.

You have a bunch of ladders?

Just the usual ones.

You know, aluminum, fiberglass,
steel, platform extension,

step, multi-position,

and, um... oh, I have a
little bit of scaffolding.

You're the best.

[BOTH LAUGH]



You asked permission?

I didn't know what else to do.

You sneak out.

I think it's really adorable
that you asked your mom, though.

- I'm sorry.
- Girl.

Let's meet at Coolidge
Street bus stop at 11:00,

and nobody else pull a Reese.

[LAUGHTER]

It's okay.

So, Gus, after talking to
Shea, I was thinking...

No.

Well, what if we take the stand and...

No.

Just update it a bit, you know?

Still no.

I knew where you were going there.

I don't want to fit in with
these fancy new stores.

It's an old fish market.

It will always be an old fish market.

But it was... It was new at some point.

Was it?

Opening day... I haven't changed a thing

since my dad and my uncle Angelo

bought this place in 19-hundred-and-56.

No, you have not.

I'm not about to modernize it now.

Not gonna happen.

You know, tell you what, fellas.

I'm gonna call it a night.

Tyler, lock up when you go, okay?

[AUSTRALIAN ACCENT] Ay, captain.

He just doesn't want to be helped.

[NORMAL ACCENT] [CHUCKLES]
Hey, Kevbo, check this out.

You got to have a strong core
to toss a fish that big.

Yeah, probably.

Oh. Heavy.

[LINE RINGING]

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

- Hello?
- Reese? Hi.

It's your handsome and
strong uncle Kevin.

That doesn't sound like
any uncle Kevin I know.

Har har. Sick burn.

I was just calling to tell you guys

that I might be in Canada a
little longer than I expected.

You're in Canada?

Love you, too. So, how's
everything else going there?

Not great.

Mom won't let me go to a midnight movie,

and it's your fault.

My fault?

Yeah, you got caught sneaking out

when you were in high
school and, basically,

ruined Austin for everyone.

Oh. That.

I totally would have
gotten away with it, too,

if we hadn't taken the bus like idiots.

The thing stops running
at, like, 1:00 A.M.

Next time I sneak out of the house,

I am definitely gonna drive.

Um...

Ah!

Dude, you got to try fish tossing.

So fun.

I'm surprised no one does this anymore.



[INDISTINCT SHOUTING IN DISTANCE]

So you showed yourself to the guy, huh?

He's as pure-hearted as they come.

Still, it was a mistake.

I take full responsibility.

If we came here following Tyler

and he was following
me and that leads us

to a righteous person,
that means the Universe

planned for me to show myself to him.

Yeah. And for Kevin to
make up a fake girlfriend.

And for me to break his heart.

Why... Why would hurting
Tyler be part of the plan?

Because, and please take this
with the utmost respect,

the Universe can be
a real jerk sometimes.

Mornin'.

I know how we're going to help Gus.

You guys might want to
limber up a little.

It's going to get weird.

Well, let's get weird.

- Yeah!
- Let's do this!

Excuse me! Pardon me!

What's happening?

These fish guys...
They're putting on a show.

Excuse me.



[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Aww, all right, Keavy D!

All right.

Here she comes!

[CROWD "OHH" S]

[CHEERING]

[LAUGHS]

Back at ya!

Incoming!

[LAUGHS]

Two mackerels!

Two.

All right.

Whoa!

Whoa.

Hey, oop.

And now for the big finale.

[CHEERING]

It's all in the core.

Oh, please. I'm doing all the work here.



All right.



[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Okay. Who wants fish?



Tonight, tonight, tonight
I'm coming with,

but I have a new plan.

- Oh, really?
- So I found out the buses

stop running at 1:00 A.M. so
we'll totally get stranded,

and then we'll get caught for sure.

So, we're driving instead.

Um, I don't have a car.

I do.

Okay.

- Can I get you anything else?
- I just meant to ask...

There's no way my beautiful
Leslie misses me now.

- Thank you.
- There you go.

Just a matter of time
before she's drawn to me

like a moth to a fish-scented flame.

Yeah, I, uh, can't wait to see her.

Hey, fellas. It's show time.

All right.

- Oh!
- We want a poem!

[BELL RINGS]

- Poem!
- All right!

Please put your hands
together for Gus...

- Oh...
- The last of the legendary fishmongers!

- [APPLAUSE]
- WOMAN: Give us a fish, you sexy beast!

I see Canada eating the
fabulous fish that he fetches.

Canadians chowing down

on some fresh, daily catches.

Like the salmon, the flounder,

the tiny sardine, the cod,

the perch, or the tasty sea bream.

- [APPLAUSE]
- Gus pickles your herring,

shares suggestions for pairing,
and does so with caring.

Simply said, if it swims

in the sea, he'll provide it

for thee with glee provided

you bring enough cash.

Because this fish ain't free.

- Hit it.
- Yeah!

♪ For goodness' sake ♪

♪ I got the hippy hippy shake ♪

♪ Yeah, I got the shake ♪

♪ I got the hippy hippy shake ♪

♪ The hippy hippy shake ♪

♪ Well, now you shake it to the left ♪

♪ You shake it to the right ♪

♪ You do the hippy shake shake
with all of your might ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, come on shake ♪

♪ Whoa, it's in the bag ♪

♪ The hippy hippy shake ♪

[CHEERING]



Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[CHEERING]



♪ Well, now, you shake it to the left ♪

♪ You shake it to the right ♪

- Ah!
- ♪ Do the hippy hippy shake ♪

♪ With all of your ♪

- Oh!
- Oh, my goodness!

[GASPING]



[CROWD MURMURING]



Dave?



Okay, okay.

Come on, Reese.

Reese, you're cool.

Reese, you got this.

Yeah, okay, okay.





Big one. Yes. Okay, key.

Perfect. If Kevin can do it...

[LADDER RATTLING]

[ENGINE STARTS]

Come here.

[ENGINE REVS]

No, no, no, no, no. Stop,
stop, stop! Aaah! Aah! Aah!

- [GRUNTS]
- [GASPS] Oh, my God!

[GROANS]

Oh, my...

What were you thinking?

What if you had actually
driven somewhere!

You could have done real harm!

I am so sorry. How is your shoulder?

Do you think you might need X-rays?

You better hope he doesn't need X-rays.

- I'll be fine.
- I'm so glad. I am so mad!

I'm sorry.

Yeah, well, you have a
lot of time to think

about it because you are
so supremely grounded.

- For how long?
- Forever.

Well, my friends already
think I'm lame for asking

permission so I guess
things can't get any worse.

Yeah, well, okay.

You can just march on upstairs now

and tell your little friends
that you got busted

sneaking out of the house because
you hit a police officer

while stealing my truck.

I have to say all those words?

Yes, word for word.

Should I say that he was
sneaking into your room?

Not those words.

I'm sorry. That was super-stupid.

Apology accepted.

Are you angry or happy?

It's getting hard to track.

I mean, I know what
she did was terrible,

but [SIGHS] she has friends.

Great?

Six months ago, she was just

cutting herself off
completely to everyone.

And, I don't know, look at her now.

And now she's got a
bad-ass story to tell

all her friends while she's grounded.

Well, I'm glad my bruised ribs

could cement your
daughter's street cred.

Oh, me too! [GIGGLES]

- Ow, ow!
- Oh, sorry.

- Don't... Please, just be gentle.
- Hmm.

♪ When I see you walking, I see heaven ♪

What in the world happened to you?

Oh, I, um... you know,
I just got sick of

the fishy smell, so I
decided to head home.

No, no, no, no, no. You're hurt.

Hurt? [CHUCKLES]

Please.

No, my foot's just hot.

You see, I'm icing it back down to

its regular temperature, is all.

- But... what... What's that?
- Oh, that's nothing.

- Stand.
- Yeah, that's nothing.

Stand.

[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]

Okay. See?

That? That's not nothing.

Okay, fine.

I was sliding into third in
a rec league softball game.

It was the Dealers versus
the Cleaning Ladies.

- Happened last week.
- Last week?!

All this time, you've
been happy as a clam

to let me go on thinking I'm
the only one getting hurt.

What's wrong with you?!

Okay, well... I just wanted to help!

You would have never let
me back on Team Kevin

if you knew that I was just
as damaged as you are.

Why... why is this happening to us?

- Well...
- [SIGHS]

You know, uh, I have a
theory about that, actually.

Look, we've been interacting
with human beings

ever since we got here, and
now we're getting injured,

you know, we're feeling pain,
we're feeling emotions.

Oh, God, the emotions.

To be blunt, I... I think
we're becoming more human.

We're also gaining more humanity.

You say that like it's a good thing!

It is a good thing!

It's because of humanity that you wanted

to tell Tyler the truth.

It's because of humanity
that we can freely admit

to ourselves that we're not perfect.

That's something neither you or
I would have ever done before.

Look, Th... this place, these people,

they've changed us. That much is true.

But have you considered that

maybe that's for the better?

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

TYLER: I ruined poor Gus.

Destroyed his business.

This is completely my fault.

No, it's really not.

It is.

No.

What am I even doing here?

I came out, chasing Leslie,

and I don't think that's
happening either.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Why would anyone even want
to be with me, anyway?

On the bright side, I'm heading
back to Texas, pronto.

Wait. No. Um...

What if you stay here
a little while longer?

It just feels like someone will show.

You know what? Let's go get a drink,

and maybe we can come up with

another strategy to find your lady.

- Okay.
- Okay. [LAUGHS]

Thanks for being such a good friend.

We need to tell him now.

Um, go get us a table.
I'll be right there.

First round's on me.

[CHUCKLES]

We're this close to finding
another righteous person.

Tyler is our key.

No reason to let all
this work go to waste.

He's hurting. All of this is
starting to feel very icky.

This coming from the person
who gave me a lesson

on how to lie to my sister?

Well... I've changed.

I'm with her.

Look, we can figure out a way to

find the righteous without Tyler.

You guys, you're supposed to help me,

not make my job more complicated.

So I'm... okay, I'll decide
when to tell Tyler the truth

about his lady from Laos. Okay?

TYLER: What do you mean?

What's the truth about Leslie?

So, yeah, um...

About your lady from Laos.

Um...

Sh... um...

I'm your lady from Laos.

I don't understand.

I was the one writing to you.

You were pretending to be Leslie?

No, no.

There... There is no Leslie.

What are you talking about?
I-I met her in Laos.

Like...

But... but the e-mails
that you were getting

weren't from, um, whoever you met.

They were from me. I made up her name,

her life, everything.



- Why?
- I-I was trying to let you down

as her so you'd have closure, and I'm...

I'm sorry.

I know how it sounds,

but I was doing it to help you.

You were trying to help me?

Yeah.

Whoa, look.

Here's the two geniuses.

[CHUCKLES]

Gus, I...

I'm so sorry. I...

Are you serious?

Yeah. They're shutting you down.

No, no, no. That's just temporary.

I'm going all-out for the
whole performance thing.

Building up the vintage feel,

showing people how it used to be.

And, uh, Shea is going to help me

get this whole thing together.

Whoa. [CHUCKLES]

I have to tell you, you're a godsend.

Oh, I don't know that... That's, uh...

That's a bit much.

No. I've been trying
to get him for years

to get him to do anything
to save his stall.

I can't thank you enough.

Oh.



[INDISTINCT TALKING]



That was a great cab ride to my house.

Thank you.



[ENGINE STARTS]

[SIGHS]

- Hey!
- Hey.

Welcome back. How did it go?

Good, I think.

You think?

Last night's a little fuzzy.

Huh. So good, then?

That is two hours of my
life I will never get back.

They had to watch "Blade
Runner" for school.

- Oh.
- Why are we doing

a dystopian future again?

Why don't we just do "The
Crucible," but in Salem?

- I love that idea.
- Um...

Since you're back, uh,
do you think you could

watch the kids for a little bit?

Sure. What's going on with you?

I'm just going to go
break into Nate's house.

- I'll explain later.
- You know what? Don't. I...

No, you're not getting it.
It's like the sexy thing.

Stop talking!

Well, because it's like,
I'm going to break

in, but it's, like, a
cop-and-robber thing.

Will you please, please,
honestly, please...

I'll throw up all down this hall.



Dave, I thought you'd stay with Shea.

You know, keep the new
righteous person safe.

Oh, we decided that Dave is going

to stick around here for a while.

Oh, cool.

Why?

Yvette and I are working on
a new screenplay together.

- No way.
- No, I'm just kidding around.

I'm not really... Not into Canada,

so we put Wayne up there.

You know, he likes hockey and Drake.

Oh, who doesn't love Drake?
He is one of the most

talented people on God's green earth

and has charisma for days.

- I concur. He's also naturally funny.
- Effortless.

He's a national treasure like
The Rock is for America.

- Ooh!
- Right?

Don't get me started on The Rock!

Okay, okay, everybody loves The Rock!

Um...

Hey, can I just maybe ask
you guys a quick question?

Um, okay. I get how our last
righteous person was a baby.

Babies are innocent and pure, but, um...

But what about Shea?

I mean, there wasn't really anything

special about her.

There isn't anything special about you.

That's harsh, but okay.

Listen, we don't need 36 super heroes.

We need 36 normal people with
goodness in their hearts.

Hey, Kevin.

What can I do for you this fine day?

[CHUCKLES] I... I actually I'm not sure,

but, um, how about that trip, huh?

[CHUCKLES]

I mean, everything after Gus is...

It's a bit of a haze for me

but, uh, we must have
tied one on, right?

Like in Laos.

You might have. I took
off right after that.

- Oh, you did?
- [LAUGHS] Yeah.

After what you did to
me, I couldn't stand

to look at your face for another second.

Tyler, again, I'm so sorry.

Oh, no, no, no. Don't apologize.

I'm glad you did what you did.

- [LAUGHS] Okay.
- Now I don't have to waste my time

with someone who's
clearly not my friend...

At all.

That's not true.

You know what?

I'm going to get someone
else to take your order.

I'm done here.