Kevin Can Wait (2016-2018): Season 1, Episode 19 - Showroom Showdown - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
Hey, Mom. So, um, I know I told you that

my guest list for the
wedding was locked,

- but I have a couple more names.
- How many more?

No, just... 17.

What?

Honey, no. No, no, no.

The reception hall is only so big,

and some of your dad's friends,

they... they take up a lot of space.

A lot of space.

- Sara.
- What? I'm agreeing with you.



Okay, well, I have to invite Enzo.

I mean, he's my boss.

And he's already asking me, “Hey, kid.
Where's my invite?

I already rented the shoes.”

I mean, do we really need... What?
Like, the Hendersons?

Well, you know, maybe we don't

since Sara called their baby ugly.

They probably won't want to come anyway,
so no.

Crossin' them off. Ooh, that feels good.

You're welcome.

But still, we have way too many guests,

and we are way over budgets.

Okay, well, Mom, if it helps,

I can pick up extra shifts at work.



No, honey, you're already
working almost every single day.

Your dad took a job with Rootger

down at the warehouse at Best Box.

And Chale is... cheering us on.

Oh, hey.
Uh, coffee and an egg sandwich for you.

Yeah, what is, uh, what is this?

One of the eggs looked a little funky.

- So, you know, just in case.
- Oh.

I don't need it.
Uh, this area, it can take a punch,

you know what I'm sayin'?

All right, so which part of the wedding

- am I working for today?
- All right,

so if you put in eight hours,
you can pay for...

one slice of cake.

How much is this cake? Let me see that.

N-no. That's it. We're
going with Yodels.

Every table gets a Yodel.

All right, that's Rootger. I gotta go.

Oh, by the way, uh,
I invited him to the wedding.

Rootger's coming?

Yes, and he's bringing his girlfriend.

Her name is, uh, Floor. That's right.

Rootger and Floor,

come forth to the dance floor.

Mm. Mm.

Yo?

Mr. Gable, are there any job openings

down at the warehouse?

- For you?
- Yes.

I'm just... You realize
it's a warehouse?

It's where boxes are lifted
and moved around and stuff.

And it's just...
It's not the greatest gig for people

with bird bones.

I'm a lot stronger than you think,
Mr. Gable.

All right, you know what?
I will see if they're hiring.

- Okay?
- Thank you, sir.

All right,
are you squeezing my hand to prove

how strong you are?

- No!
- Okay.

Come on, guy.
You're sweating all over the boxes.

Makes it hard to read the barcodes.

It's crazy hot back here, man.

Where's the air conditioning?

Oh, that? That's, uh, in the spa area.

Right next to the waterfall.

It's a warehouse, guy.

Hey, uh, I noticed you're out

of the, uh, the Bluetooth
headphones thing.

I'm gonna go up front
and let them know that...

- Ah, don't do it.
- What?

Come on, you're looking for
an excuse to go up front

into the air conditioning.

What?

Yeah. Trust me, it'll kiss your skin,

you're gonna love it,

and then you're gonna have
to come back here and melt.

Like a plastic bag against
the side of a toaster.

It's not about the air conditioning.

Gable.

Hey, Mark.

Uh, just wanted to come up
and report that we are, uh,

we're out of the Bluetooth headphones.

Okay. Got it. Thanks.

Yeah, it's a popular item back there.

People...
they don't like their wires, you know?

They say in the future,
no wires, you know?

That's really what we
sell here is the future.

Anything else?

How 'bout them Mets, huh?

I mean, Syndergaard...

That guy stays healthy, we are gonna...

We're gonna be in it.

We're gonna be in it for the long haul.

- I'm not really a sports guy.
- No, you like movies?

'Cause I love that Sandy Bullock.

Isn't she fantastic?

I will see anything she is in.

Her or Liam Neeson, right?
With the scary phone voice.

“I'm coming for ya.”

Kevin,
you think you're the first warehouse guy

to make pointless conversation

just to stay in the air conditioning?

Oh, Mark!

Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark...

Saying my name a bunch of
times is not gonna work either.

Here's the deal...

I feel like I'm being
underutilized in the back.

I should be out here on the sales floor.

I don't tell a lot of people this,

but my passion, from when I was born,

has always been electronics.

- Really?
- Yes, you know... your TVs...

computers, and... vacuum things

and... and, uh...
those strips, you know,

with, like, a lot of plugs you can do...
like a...

Lot of options on those things.

Those things are sick.

Please don't make me go back there.
It's very hot.

Should've never gone out there.

Told you. So it's even
hotter now, right?

It's like we're inside a bag of popcorn.

- Mr. Gable.
- Chale, what are you doing here?

I told you that I wanted a job,
so here I am.

I want to contribute to the wedding

just like everyone else.

And I know that it is hard work,

but I am not afraid to get these dirty.

You know what?

Coming down here shows guts and
initiative, and I like that.

I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna go up front.
I'm gonna talk to Mark.

Can't promise you
anything, but we'll see.

How are we still over on our guest list?

I won't go. You give me 20 bucks,

and I make sure Sara doesn't go either.

You're both going.

You know what the problem is
is that all the single people

we invited get a plus one.

So that means that 20
people we love get to bring

20 losers that we gotta feed.

It's called a wedding.

Yeah, too bad we can't
make all the single people

be each other's dates.

- Well, wait, wait, hold on.
- What?

Well, who says that we can't do that?

What, randomly pair people up?

Well, let's not do it randomly.
Let's put some thought into it.

All right, what about, um,
what about your friend Steve?

He's single and attractive.

How 'bout we pair him up with,
uh, this girl Shana?

No, they're cousins.

But are they first cousins?

Because if they're not,
that's not that weird.

No, that's still really weird.

Hey. Kev around?

Some of the boys at the
fire station went hunting,

and he said he wanted some venison.

Oh. Deer meat... in a CVS bag.

Well, I had to grab
some cortisone cream.

Eh, it's a long story.

Uh, hey, Uncle Kyle,
who are you bringing to the wedding?

Uh, I'm not sure yet.

It's either gonna be, um, Crystal,

that lovely gal from Shop Rite,

or my buddy Chad, also from Shop Rite.

Okay, but if you haven't
asked anyone yet,

we might have the perfect girl for you.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

You have my attention.

Oh, jeez. Oh.

- This thing's startin' to leak.
- Ew, ew, ew.

- Blood on the floor. Sorry.
- Okay, outside, outside. Please.

Okay, quick, let's find someone for him.

No, Mom,
all of my friends are way too young.

What about... what about Kate?

- For Uncle Kyle?
- Mm-hmm.

Are you crazy? No.
She's a partner at a law firm

and she paid her way through law school

by being a fitness model.

Yeah, well,
you know what else she is, is single.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mom, no, I don't know. That's...

No, no. Kendra,
you need to get on board with these cuts

because as of now, we have 12 people

eating Yodels in their cars.

Do I need the belt?

Yeah.

It's for back support,

but you're wearing it like a halter top.

- You gotta get it down low.
- Ohh.

Uh, thanks for getting me in here,
Mr. Gable.

Yeah. No problem.
Come on, I'll introduce you to the guys.

Of course you know Rootger.
Over here we got Gator,

that's the Goat,
and right here is Dynamic Bob.

Hey, welcome to Best Box.

Bang. Dynamic.

Everybody seems to have a nickname.

Will I be getting one?

Probably gonna stick
with Chale. No doubt.

Hold on to me.

I thought Chale was your nickname.

Chale is actually my given name.

Oh, then you need a nickname.

Uh, how 'bout Scott?

Uh, I'm not sure that's actually...

Too late, Scott. The die is cast.

All right, guys. We've
got gamers out there.

I'm gonna need hard drives. 5400 RPMs.

Oh. Uh, actually, sir, for gaming,

you might want to go with the 7200 RPMs.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm totally sorry, Mark.

It's a rookie mistake right there. He...

No, it's...
it's just that the 5400s can't keep up

with new gen games.

Plus the 7200s are more expensive,

so bigger profit margins.

This is embarrassing.

- Say goodbye to Scott, everybody.
- Yeah, sorry.

You know what? Kid makes a good point.

Grab the 7200s.
I'm gonna upsell these nerds, hmm?

Hey, if you really want
to stick it to 'em,

you know what you do?

You sell them the 7300s.

They don't make 7300s.

They don't make 7300s.
Here, get the 7200s. Go.

Where's the skinny kid?

We're back on the clock.
He's probably in the bathroom.

"His system can't handle the
roach coach food. “Ooh”"

Never mind. He's back.

Great news.
I've been moved to the sales floor.

Can you believe that?

You've only been here,
like, three hours.

I know. It's been a whirlwind.

Oh, and I just made my first sale.

The customer's kind of in a rush,
so if you could...

giddyup, that'd be great.

Is there a problem, Mr. Gable?

I'm sensing some hostility here.

You're sensing that?
That what you're sensing?

I get you this job and you leapfrog me?
Not cool.

I don't understand.
I'm... I'm making more money.

Now I get to contribute to the wedding.

That's not the point, Chale.

You've been working here half a day,

and they bump you up into
the room with the A/C

and the fancy shirts and... Ooh!

You think you're better than us?

No, no. It... It's not that at all.

We have different abilities.

You have a very low center of gravity.

Which is fantastic for getting
beneath heavy appliances.

And I have a...

degree in computer
science and marketing.

Yeah, let's not forget your PhD

in kissing the boss's ass.

I'm sorry?

Yeah, you know what this is?
I'll tell you. Ageism.

- Ageism?
- Mm-hmm.

Jerry is our top salesman, and he's 74.

Oh, please. He's the token gray.

People are only buying things from him
'cause

they think he's gonna die.

If you could just send
this back on the belt,

I need to get back out front.

It's boiling in here,
and I am beginning to shvitz.

So I said, “Hey,

“I'm not gonna bill
you for getting the kitty

out of the tree, but someone's
gonna pay for these pants. ”

Wow. Brave and funny.

Yeah, and sometimes,
both at the same time.

Yeah.

I, uh, put out a grease
fire once at a comedy club

and stayed for open mic night.
Yep, came in second. Whatevs.

Kyle, you are too much.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- How's it going?
- No, Mom, what are you doing here?

Well, I came to check up on Kyle.

He's doing great. Look.

Did she just touch his arm?

Yeah, and she's been
doing the hair flip.

And I think I even saw a lip bite.

Ohh. She likes him.
Wait, what's the catch?

Does she have low self-esteem?

No, no. She's crazy successful.
I don't get it either.

It's just that I've never seen a woman,
like,

touch your uncle's arm.

I mean,
if it wasn't like a repelling gesture.

Or, like, putting on
a blood pressure cuff.

But, anyway, I have seen enough here.

I'll go get to work
onsome other couples, huh?

Okay.

- I'll text you names. Bye.
- Okay, bye.

So let's just say I'm pretty much banned

from the Empire State building.

Me and King Kong.

Ugh.

Hmm?

Yesterday, one of our back
room brothers betrayed us.

He sold us up the river for nothing.

Sorry, I'm ashamed of myself.

Not you, Bob.

The man you've come to
know as Scott is gone.

He left us behind like a
candy wrapper at a Mets game.

You know what?

We may not have air conditioning

or those fancy coffee machines
with the little flavored pods.

Oh, I love those.

The hazelnut blows my face off.

Yeah, they're awesome.

But you know what we do have back here?

We got unity, all right?

Now alone, we're just single fingers,
but together,

we ball up into a fist, a fist of power.

Hey, Gable. Jerry called in sick.

You want a shot at sales up front?

I'm just gonna need a minute.

What's up?

Mr. Gable, what are you doing here?

Just waiting for the store to open.

Getting ready to chow
down on a nice Danish

compliments of the beautiful
break room they got there

only for salespeople.

So you're working up here now?

Well, Jerry's sick,
and Mark called me up to the bigs.

What's the matter?
You threatened, Scotty Boy?

Not at all, because when Jerry returns,

you'll be heading back to the hot box.

Mm, not a chance.

Once Mark sees my insane people skills,

the only person going back
to the hot box is you.

Dream on.

I'm already the top salesman.

Oh, and, uh... out here,

they don't call me Scott,
just “The Machine. ”

Well, Machine,
I've already felt the cool air,

the nice poly blend against my skin,

so I'm doing everything
it takes to stay out here.

That's what's happening.

That's pineapple.

Oh, man.

Oh. I gotta...

Thank you for shopping at Best Box.

Your warranty is in the bag.

Hey, you looking at the 65-inch 4K, huh?

It's a game changer.

"You'll be sitting at home
watching “Wheel of Fortune”"

You'll think you're sitting
on Sajak's shoulders.

Kevin Gable, sales associate.

Is this one of those smart TVs?

Oh, yeah. Smart as
they come. Watch this.

Sit. Stay.

Let's get this bad boy tied
to the roof of your car.

We'll get you home.

I think I'll look around
a little bit more.

Okay, but the sale's not
gonna last much longer.

It says it's on sale
for the whole season.

That sign's, like, two years old.

Personally, I find that
a good sound system

is as important as the picture itself.

Now with these,
you get the movie theater experience

without ever leaving the house.

Trust me, he knows a lot
about not leaving the house.

Uh, I will check that these are in stock

and I'll be sure to
get you a great deal.

Thank you. By the way,
where are you from?

We love your accent.

Birmingham, England.

I knew it. Told you.

Your co-worker's wonderful.

With that accent, he
could sell me anything.

Not bad for a guy who's
just out on parole.

He's still wrestling with some demons.

But just make sure you
get your credit card back.

Hey, I know why you're outselling me.

Because I took the time to read
the manuals on our products?

No, it's the stupid fake accent.

Oh.

'Ello.

Fancy a subwoofer, do you?

Just looking around,
but I need one that's HDMI-compatible.

Oh, you're in luck, mate. They all are.

That's an interesting accent.

- Where you from?
- Right around London.

Where exactly?

By the bridge, the... London Bridge.

After it fell down.

They rebuilt it.

Really?

'Cause I used to live in London,
and nobody talked like you.

Noggin was kicked by a
horse when I was young.

These are all excellent headphones.

These are more expensive,
but they're the best.

Rootger?

- Oh.
- How about those Mets, huh?

Huh.

Hey.

I need a favor. And
why would I help you?

Traitor.

'Cause I'll buy you lunch, and... and...

You can eat it right here.

I so badly want to say no right now,

but you have found my Achilles' heel.

Hey.

Well, hey, there he is, the ladykiller.

I brought you guys some new venison.

I don't think that
other stuff was venison.

- Nobody ate it, right?
- No.

So I think we know who your
date for the wedding's gonna be.

- Yeah.
- Oh, you talking about Kate?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, that'd be a hard pass.

What? Why?

Nice gal, but, uh, you know,
the smile was a deal-breaker.

Didn't love the shade of her choppers.

What? Her teeth are white.

Mm. More of an eggshell.

I need like a new golf ball white.

Okay, so, let me get this straight.

We set you up with this
incredible girl who's into you,

and you don't like her because her teeth

are not golf ball white?

New golf ball white.

Plus, the girl's got emotional issues.

When I pulled over to get
her Crest whitening strips,

she flipped out on me.

“I hate you.
I'm not going to the wedding.”

Unstable.

Okay, Kyle. You're aware that you're 52

and you live alone

and you're kind of shaped
like a peanut M&M, right?

What are you waiting for?

I'm waiting for the full package.

Can you believe that?

Okay, but actually,
if Kate's not coming to the wedding,

that means no Kate and no plus one

and that's two people we just saved.
Ka-ching.

You know what? You're right.

You held a mirror to my face,
and I didn't like what I saw.

This is what I do. I sabotage myself.

That's why I'm alone.

You know what? I'm...
I'm gonna call her.

Her teeth were fine. What... but...

But were they?

- Mnh.
- You know?

I mean, really?

- Dingy, right?
- I don't know...

Yeah, see? I knew it.
You know what? Forget her.

I deserve better.

I'm sorry.

Uh, I thought we had them in stock,

but the guys in the back
are saying that we're out.

Oh, okay. Well, thanks, anyway.

Hey, anybody looking for a XP 700?

Yeah, well,
some of us see “not in stock”

and they just give up.

Others, we go the extra mile.
Hi. Kevin Gable.

Let's get you rung up.

What's going on here?
This is the third time

the guys in the back told
me something is out of stock

when clearly it is not.

I don't know, but as far as sales go,
I am slaying it.

"I just unplugged “The Machine”"

Here you go. Have a very blessed day,

and remember us for all
your electronic needs.

Mr. Gable, are we not on the same side?

Are we not just trying to
raise money for the wedding?

We are. I'm just better at it.

Excuse me, can one of
you grab me an AX 200?

I'm kind of in a rush.

AX 200. I close this puppy,

I'm top salesman for the day.

- Not if I get to it first.
- Hey, you...

Rootger, Rootger, I-I
need your help quick.

I need an AX 200 right away.

I'm on break. Union rules.

We don't have a union!

We should.

Hey, there's an AX right there.
Bob, Bob. AX 200.

Right there, that box.
Give me that, please.

- Oh, no problem.
- All right. Come on.

Just need to inventory it first.

Oh, you're killin' me.

Low battery.

- Just kick it into second gear!
- Kick what into second?

Just give me the box. Throw it!

Ah, sir, I got your AX 200 right here.
Just take it!

You gotta take it.
Oh, that's a belly burner!

Take it, sir! Sir, take it!

Sir, no!

No!

Can I interest you in
our extended warranty?

Oh, hey. You know, I was thinking, um,

out of 162 games, if the Mets'
pitching can just stay healthy

for, like, half of them,
we would be in good shape.

Get back in the hole.

Fine, but I want you to know,

back there, we are a band of brothers.

So you can just stay up
here by yourself and rot.

All right.

Dynamic Bob?

Yeah.

Out here in the cool air
and the natural light,

he blossomed.

Go.