Kevin Can Wait (2016-2018): Season 1, Episode 11 - Kevin's Bringing Supper Back - full transcript

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What are you doing, babe?

I got to get the kids up for school.

What? No! Get some rest.

Your man is home now. I got you.

Well, that's sweet, honey,
but it's a whole routine.

I mean, Sara...
She's gonna call you some names.

I'm not gonna lie.

She finds your weak spot,
and she just... she digs in.

And then Kendra gets mad at Sara

'cause she's making too much noise,

and Jack is, like, a whole other story.



Babe, it's a 20-minute routine.

I think I can handle this.

Okay, but you're gonna
be right back here

asking me to do it.

- Oh, am I?
- Mm-hmm.

Kendra. Sara.

My little princesses, time to get up.

Leave me alone! I'm sleeping.

Leave me alone. I'm 21.

Dad!

What the crap?! Kids are up!

Oh, look at my man's
whippin' up breakfast.

Oh, yeah!

I got to say,
I'm not hating the view from back here.



You like it when I whisk, huh?

I do.

It's mesmerizing, like a lava lamp.

Let me break it down for you, then, huh?

Ooh!

Oh, honey, honey, honey,
now it's just lava.

Yeah. I felt it.

Kendra, don't touch my lacrosse bag!

I'm serious.

No, it's disgusting,
and it's getting washed.

Okay, no, it isn't 'cause
we haven't lost in 10 games.

There's a reason for that.

Yeah, because it stinks so
bad no one will cover you.

All right, guys, just Febreze it.

Come on. Sit down.
Have some breakfast with me.

No, Dad, I can't, okay?
I'm gonna be late for class,

especially now that I have
to pull over and throw up.

Hey, buddy! I'm making
you some pancakes.

And I'm gonna make them
in the shape of a T-Rex

with the little arms and everything.

You're gonna love them, all right?

Okay? Hey!

Hey, buddy!

No kiss goodbye?

What's going on with this family?

What are you doing?!

It's like I shined a light
on a possum in a Dumpster.

Please, like I haven't watched you

eat an entire Thanksgiving
dinner over the trash can.

If your parents would have put
a chair at the table for me,

I wouldn't have had to.

Come on. Just settle in.
Have a pancake with me.

I can't. I got to go.

I'm late. I love you. Bye.

Unbelievable.

Oh, do I smell some griddle cakes?

Oh, back in London,
my Nana used to make these for me.

Yeah?

Yeah, and I remember on rainy days,

I would hide beneath the counter,

and, uh, I would reach out

to try and catch the...
the hot drippings.

But Nana knew that I was there.

She encouraged the... Mr. Gable?

Okay, what... W-what's he doing?

I think he's cleaning his pizza.

Nope, just blotting off the grease.

What, do you think
you're better than us?

I'm trying to eat healthier.

Yeah, well, it's coming off
super aggressive to the group.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, guys, we're up on shuffleboard.

Whoa.

Hey, Kyle, did you call your guy

about the Billy Joel
tickets for Sunday night?

Yeah.
I called him, I asked for five tickets,

he laughed at me, and hung up.

So I think they're totally sold out.

Man, I've never seen him live.
I'd love to do that.

All right, so I guess we'll do,
uh, football at my house Sunday?

Oh, wish I could. I got a thing.

- What thing?
- Family thing.

Every year around this time,

we all go up to a cabin
in the Adirondacks,

just a bunch of Motts running
around wild in the woods.

It's the greatest.

We even go to the bathroom outside.

How is that different than at home?

Because it's a family tradition.

The kids love it. It
keeps us all connected.

Come on. You got stuff like that, right?

Yeah, I mean, we...

You know, we don't do the
bathroom thing, but we, uh...

You know, every time McDonald's
brings back the McRib,

we definitely get
together as a family unit,

and, uh, it's pretty special.

I'm getting another beer. You in?

No, no, I'm out of here.
You guys are useless.

Come on. Do it. Go, go, go, go!

- Aw, come on!
- We're good.

I gave him some story

about wanting to spend
more time with my family.

He bought that?

He didn't seem that drunk to me.

But... But you really
did get the tickets?

Oh, yeah, five up front, boys.

Kevin is going to lose his mind.

Yes! Let me see the tickets.

Well, I-I-I don't have them.

I mean, I have them,
but I-I don't have them.

My guy has them. And
he's in Poughkeepsie.

Whoa. That's two hours away.

It's not a problem. I'll drive.

We can all enjoy each other's company.

Why do we all have to go?

This guy's a little sketchy,

and I could use the backup

in case this whole thing goes sideways.

Donna?!

Donna?!

Hey.

Lower your voice.

You're sitting on a bucket.
What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

It looks like you're on lunch break

in the back of a Chinese restaurant.

Are you hiding from the kids?

And you.

It's Friday night.
I'm... I'm reading my book.

What's the problem?

This is the problem right here,

and this morning with the kids.

Nobody's sitting down for breakfast.

It's... You know what it is?

We have no traditions.

Well, I do.

On Friday nights,
I sit on a bucket and I read my book.

I mean, until now.

Now I got to find a new hiding spot.

I'm telling you,
we are dropping the ball, all right?

What?

We... Yes, we got to start
doing things together.

Mott's family's killing it.

Oh, Mott. Now it makes sense.

Jolly Green Giant gets in your ear,

and there goes my Friday night.

I'm telling you, we're gonna start
doing things together as a family.

This is important.

We do tons of stuff together.

Really? Name some.

Okay, um, we go to mass.

- That's one.
- Christmas.

Technically, that's mass.

You get on these kicks,
and you're unstoppable.

- This isn't a kick!
- Really?

How is this different from,

"I'm gonna learn karate
and open up my own dojo"?

I pulled a hammy.
It set me back a couple belts.

Okay, well, I know I promised

that I'd never bring this up again...

Not...

- but do you remember...
- Stop it.

- "Let's grow our own"...
- Donna, no! Nah!

"potatoes"?

I told you not to do that.

Hey, you ruined our backyard,
and it cost $1,000

to grow four potatoes
that turned out so weird

that we were scared to eat them!

Okay, you know what?

I love you, but you have zero vision.

Do you know how many things you can make

with one single potato?

- And here comes the list.
- Yeah, I'm telling you...

Baked potatoes, French fries,
potato skins, hash browns.

You want Italian? You got gnocchi.

Hey, you want to eat healthy?

Potato salad.

And I'm not even mentioning

the all-purpose vehicle of spuds...

The mashed potato.

And I know I'm forgetting one, too.

Yeah, you can also make vodka,

which I would kill for right now.

No, that is not it. Look, come on.

Let's just do this. We'll have fun.

All right, all right,

just... just... just...
Just don't force things.

I-I'm not gonna force it.
I promise you...

Got it! Tater tots! Boom!

Chaka Khan! Whoo!

First family tradition...
The classic... "Monopoly."

- Yeah, no... Yes.
- We're giving it a shot.

"Monopoly."

I must warn you,
I play at a very high level.

Okay, well, do you want to be banker?

I'm pretty good with money.

I'll have to take your word for that,

considering I've never
seen you with any.

Okay.

Okay, Dad, are you
sure we should do this?

Because last time we played,

Jack ended up with the
thimble stuck up his nose.

I was smelling it.

It happened. Get over it.

Well, I don't think that's gonna be a
problem because there are no pieces.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
It's okay! It's okay!

- Hey, look, we don't need pieces.
- What?

We... We will make our own.
Honey, you are a set of car keys.

Uh, Jack, you are a cheese doodle.

Do not smell it.

Uh, Kendra, you are gonna be

Kenny Chesney's boot from this magazine.

And, Sara, you are a Jets coaster.

And, Chale,
you are a Jets coaster upside down.

Babe, this is crazy.

- We're playing.
- All right.

Okay, we can play.

Let's all just hope that Sara doesn't
start crying like she always does.

She'll be fine. Okay, I wasn't crying,

so say it one more time
and you'll regret it.

Okay, you know what?

Get it over with because you
are being such a big brat.

I don't know why you're
getting mad at me

because all the time,
you're trying to control my life.

I know you're wondering why
game night didn't work out.

I'm not wondering that at all.

Well, here's why.

Nobody says, "Let's play 'Monopoly'."

They say, "Hey, power's out."

We might as well play 'Monopoly'."

You literally said,
"Let's play 'Monopoly'."

We can sit here all night
pointing fingers at each other,

but we need to find a family tradition

where we can all get along!

Okay, well, that's not gonna work.

I mean, Chale's living in the garage.

Kendra wants to be living in the garage,

but instead, she's in a tiny
room with her baby sister.

I mean, tensions are gonna erupt.

So let's work that tension out.

Well, what do you want to do?

You gonna wrap their
hands in bubble wrap

and just let the fists
fly like a Thunderdome?

That's a little extreme, okay?

But you're close.

Welcome to the first annual
Gable Bubble Ball Tournament.

Dad, I can't move.

No, it's okay, sweetie.
None of us can move.

It's sort of like you
combine soccer with an MRI.

See, Chale gets it.

Wait, Dad, what are the teams?

No teams. No rules.

What?

Ready? Go! What?! Ohh!

- Aah!
- Ow!

Kendra!

Ohh!

Aah!

Oh!

Kevin!

Ohh!

Boom!

Mommy's coming!

Jack!

I'm okay!

Famous last words...

"You're in a bubble.
You won't get hurt."

Okay.

He didn't get hurt.

He bounced down a hill.

Lightly. He's fine.

Well, then, why did we take
him to the hospital, hmm?

As a precaution...

"pre" caution,
which means it's before caution.

Mm-hmm. Then why did
they want to X-ray him?

This is so crazy. 'Cause they're
already paying the guy at the machine.

What's he gonna do, sit
there in a lead vest

listening to audio books all day?

Come on. He's getting paid.

Press the button. That's all.

Honey, look, I know that you
want to build family traditions,

but they have to grow
organically over time.

I know.

I just... I just wish we had something.

That's all.

Well, we'll always have waking
the kids up with the air horn.

- That was awesome.
- That was awesome.

Jack shot out of his shorts.

I'm not kidding.
I've never heard a higher-pitch scream.

- Yeah.
- Okay. Good night.

- Love you.
- Love you.

I got it.

I got it!

What?

Supper.

What? No.

You can't eat this late because
you always get nightmares,

and then you wind up
kicking me in your sleep.

Not now. Tomorrow.

Sunday supper.

- Think about it.
- Oh.

"Monopoly" was a bore fest, right?

Bubble Ball was crazy dangerous.

Sunday supper is right
in the sweet spot.

We gather as a family. We eat. We grow.

We learn about each other.

Oh, you are relentless.

Okay, fine. Here's the deal.

You get everyone to the table,
and I'll make supper.

- Done.
- All right.

And I'm thinking meatloaf.

Okay.

No, I mean now.

Wha...

Kyle, what are we doing
at an abandoned rest stop?

We're waiting for Billy
Joel tickets, okay?

This is where Jeff wanted to meet.

This place is a little sketchy.
Why don't you call your guy?

I don't have his phone number.
We talk through Facebook.

That's what people do now.

There are so many red flags here,

I'm out of red flags.

Hon?

Home run on the meatloaf.

Not hating the sides, either.

Vegetable medley!

So, Dad, just to be clear,

do we have to sit here
until we're all happy?

Judging by the tension
around this table,

I'm thinking you may
need a lot more meatloaf.

I'll try the cornbread.

- I'm happy.
- You hear that?

This kid rolled 3/4 of
a mile in a beach ball,

and he's happy, okay?

I almost died, but I didn't.

- To being alive!
- Aww.

Nice! Nice, Jack!

And I'm gonna build on that.

Now, when I was a kid,
we used to go around the table,

and we'd all say one thing
we were grateful for.

Oh, that's nice.

- Mm.
- Yeah.

I am grateful for cauliflower.

Because after staring
death in the face...

Okay, Jack, Jack,
we... we get it, buddy.

You're kind of hogging
the ball a little bit.

Saralicious, let's go with you.
What do you got in the tank?

- Come on.
- Okay.

I'm grateful for the two years

that Kendra didn't live here.

Sara. No, no, no. You know what?

I'm grateful for the
ability to shower and read,

two crayons that don't
appear to be in Sara's box.

- Hey, guys, guys, guys.
- Okay, okay, sorry I'm coordinated

and I don't want to spend
my life in a library.

Did you guys hear that?
Sara knows what a library is!

Oh, gut punch!

Jack, that's not helping.

This cornbread is so
light. It is like air.

Okay, sorry I'm not perfect like you!

Okay, here we go with that again.

- Girls, girls!
- I just...

Honey, you want to step in here, please?

Yeah, I do.
I'm tired of every single one of you

fighting me about doing stuff together,

except for Chale,
and he's not even in our family.

- Working on it.
- Let me land this plane.

Now, friends will come and go,
but your family is forever.

You guys want to fight, fight.

I'll tell you this,
though... Look around,

'cause this is the only family you got.

I guess I'm just stressed
out with school and work,

and I took it out on you.

I'm sorry.

Now, there you go.

I'm sorry, too.

I guess I was just used
to having my own room.

It's actually not horrible
having you around.

Wow.

That was sweet. Very mature, Sara.

I could have washed
that jersey weeks ago.

I just knew that the
smell drove you crazy.

It's cool.

Sorry I rubbed it on your pillow, too.

Oh, no, no, no. That's all right. I
switched it with Jack's like a week ago.

What?!

Okay, see, now,
this is all I wanted right here!

Now I'm gonna grab a beer.

The thing with the pillow
is a little disturbing,

but this is awesome.

Just keep... Keep it flowing, okay?

Come on, really? You had to?

That is so gross.

My face was all...

Honey, did you see that?

They were actually communicating.

That was incredible. You were right.

Of course I was right.

And you know what? We are not done.

We're gonna watch a movie,
maybe some charades,

another movie.

Who knows where the night takes us?

- All right, I'll go set it up.
- Mm-hmm.

- Hey, honey, you're amazing.
- It's what I do's.

Kyle, what's up?

Okay, long story.

No, short story... Your
brother's an idiot.

We just spent a half-day in a rest area

waiting for some guy
to bring us tickets.

Tickets?

Yeah... Billy Joel.

We're taking you to the Garden, guy!

Yeah!

But he... he's sold out.

Not if you know a guy at a
rest stop in Poughkeepsie.

The Piano Man, baby!

Be ready 'cause we're
picking you up in 20.

Yeah! Yeah!

- Whoo-hoo!
- Billy Joel!

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hey.

So, Chale's got this hilarious game.

You put a Post-It on your forehead

and you're a celebrity or
you guess it or I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,

did you know that
tomorrow's a school day?

I-I-I just didn't know.
I just was completely...

The kids need their sleep.
I was thinking that.

- I was...
- Honey, it's 6:30.

Yeah, I know, but they need 12 hours.

You should know that as a school nurse.
That's kind of embarrassing.

I just feel like I went too hard again.

You know, I went kind
of full potato, and...

No, no, no.
We're having fun in there. Come on.

I know, but you can't change
them all in one night.

It's like when you get braces on.

You don't have straight teeth that day.

Okay, here's the game, Mr. Gable.

- Oh!
- We're all celebrities.

- Right. Yeah. Everyone can see...
- We have a card on the head.

You're Clint Eastwood, okay?

Mr. Gable has won round one.

I just think we need to
pull the plug on this now,

you know, for the family.

Yeah, it's probably best.

It is. It is.

Plus you went a little nuts
with the gravy down there.

You might want to change your shirt

before you go see Billy Joel.

Billy who, now?

Goody's wife just texted me
asking if I wanted to get coffee

because you guys are all
going to the concert.

You guys are getting coffee?!

Oh, that's awesome.
We're all gonna have fun!

That is so cool.

What do you want me to do, all right?

They surprised me with tickets.

Honey, I get it, all right?

I mean, you love Billy Joel.

He's your favorite. I get that.

But you just accomplished

something pretty special in there.

So... I don't know,

where do you think you should be?

It's still rock 'n' roll to me!

This is a great tradition.

Thank you.

I wish you were at the concert with me,
Donna.

I'm telling you, Billy Joel was on fire.

He closed with "Piano Man."

20,000 people just waving
cellphones in the air.

They don't do lighters
anymore, you know? No?

Which is good. You
don't burn your fingers.

Remember, you'd be like, "Yeah! Aah."

I think it's great
that you're so excited,

but you should save all that
for next Sunday's supper.

You know, it's gonna kill at the table.

And this is... is more
of a quiet tradition.

Wow, you get on the
bucket and you change.

I'm just trying to read my book.

Yeah, I'm just trying to
tell you about my night

- with Billy Joel.
- Oh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

I'll remember this

next time you want to talk about
"Downtown Abbey."

- It's "Downton Abbey."
- Yeah, whatever.

You know what? I'm out of here.
I don't need this stuff.

Oh, legs are asleep. Oh.

Yep. That happens.

Yep. Ohh!