Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021–2022): Season 2, Episode 5 - The Unreliable Narrator - full transcript
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Allison Devine?
Everybody wanted
to get out of here.
You at least had a shot.
You need to get
Gertrude's death certificate.
I think I know someone
who can help us with this.
This is someone I know
at City Hall.
They'll get you
whatever you need.
After this, I'm done.
I'm faking
my own death.
My dad has a new girlfriend.
We're going to set up
Pete.
I do not want to sleep
with Diane.
Excuse me?
Him and Kevin
were joking.
To who? To not drinking alone.
Everything's going
to be fine.
It's the security footage
from Vermont, right?
Ugh.
Hello.
For who?
Huh?
I-I thought you said
"good morning."
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
You're too much!
I just came by to bathe
with your father.
You know, two birds,
one stone.
What are the birds?
And what is the stone?!
Ugh.
Better take this out.
It lets me hear,
but it doesn't mix well
with sudsy Pete water.
Yeah. Wouldn't want it to zap
your brain and kill you.
Oh! I know I'd be laughing,
but I can't hear you!
Ah!
I didn't say that!
That is
so out of context!
And what is that doing
in there?
A hit job. What?
I'm just reading the article,
which you stole from me!
There's a whole paragraph
in here
about your high school
swimming career
from like
a thousand years ago!
And a picture!
That space could've been used
for my quips, goofs,
and timeless maxims.
Where are my maxims,
Allison?!
"She was poised to have
her own legacy
but chose to end her swimming
career after her junior year."
Ooh.
Allison didn't finish something.
How is that news?
"You can find her working
at the Defto's package store."
A real blow.
What the hell?
I don't even work there anymore.
I mean for me.
But I have figured out a way
to take back my narrative.
The Worcester Wild Dude
has been put in charge
of the city's Fourth of July
fireworks display this year,
and it seems like a surefire way
to bring back
all the deep respect
which I so richly deserve.
I'm gonna reply in a way
that sounds like I'm listening,
but I'm really not.
That's the spirit!
Hey, uh,
Neil's coming over later
to help me sync up explosions
with random Aerosmith songs,
so...
Ah.
A little waxy.
The caller you've reached
is unavailable.
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, this is, uh,
this is Sam's friend Alli...
Al... ice.
Alice.
Uh, he told me that you could
help me out with some documents
from city hall.
Anyway, let me know
if you can meet up tonight.
Okay. Thank you.
Bye.
Oh.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Hm.
Oh.
Hi.
You didn't tell me
you were coming over.
I know.
And you cut your hair.
I had to do something.
It feels like
something's off,
and this seemed like
a dramatic gesture or whatever.
The haircut?
No.
Coming over.
I've barely heard from you
since my birthday.
I'm sorry.
I-I just... I've been busy.
Since when are you
too busy?
You once texted me
while arresting someone.
It's just...
It's just bad timing.
I'll call you later.
No.
No, you won't.
Is there something,
like, goin' on?
Yeah.
I've been trying to figure out
how to talk to you about this.
I just never
figured it out.
So I didn't talk
at all.
Okay.
Can you...
I'm just gonna say it.
Okay.
And think abot
how you want this to go
before you respond.
Tammy, just say...
Do you want to move in
with me?
I just like having you around.
That's all.
Actually... you might be
the best thing in my life,
and I want to spend
all my time with you.
I think it could be really good
for both of us.
Okay.
You can respond at some point.
Uh...
Well, um...
I'll call you later.
I heard you and Chuck
patched things up.
Patched like a Band-Aid
on a bullet hole.
Good for you.
No one stays together anymore.
You bet.
I know that thing with Tanya
seemed bad,
but... you know,
I love my Miller Lite.
But that doesn't mean
I'm not gonna sip from some Sam
- if there's an open bar.
- Buddy, there's a line.
I am talking to...
Yeah.
Excuse me.
Uh, tell Chuck, um,
he still owes me
for his bowling dues, okay?
Thank you.
Guy's been my doctor
since I was 2.
Even then,
I knew he was a dick.
Six-pack's $7.89.
That's two dollars cheaper
than usual.
I, um, I used my
employee discount for you.
Just this once.
Don't get used to it.
Well, shit.
♪ Go out on the town and see
what's happening all around ♪
Hi.
Wow.
Yeah. Well, not the worst answer
I was expecting.
Well, I think it's generous,
considering.
Y-Yeah.
No. I agree.
But you just kind of walked away
the other night.
You're not gonna tell anyone,
are you?
I'm not gonna tell
anyone.
I'm not sure anyone
would believe me anyways.
Thank you.
And thank you for putting me
in touch with the city hall guy.
I, uh,
left him a message.
He texted me, and he's gonna
get me what I need tonight.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I just need to find
$100 somewhere, but...
No.
No what?
I'm not giving you
the money.
I didn't ask for it.
Okay.
No. I didn't.
No, but you said it in that way
you always do,
where I know what you need,
so I just give it to you.
Okay, but that's not
what I'm getting at.
That's just what you do.
Yeah, and maybe that stuff
was worth it
when I thought we might actually
be together.
Wow.
Uh... huh.
Everything okay?
Hmm?
You look lost.
Oh.
Uh... Um, no.
I just...
Um... would it be cool
if I kind of hung out
and drank one of these
here?
Technically
that's illegal.
Right. Yeah.
S-Stupid.
But I do it all the time.
Knock yourself out.
Thanks.
Hey, um...
would you want one?
Um...
What...
What'd you do?
I didn't do... I just grabbed
a beer. I didn't do anything.
Patty will be here soon,
so I'll be out of your hair.
It's fine.
You're still gonna meet up
with this guy?
Yeah.
Why?
Is he scary?
I don't know.
I only texted with him.
I got his number
from one of Jenn's uncles.
I sent him money.
He made my liquor license
happen.
Mm.
You know, Allison...
you don't have to do this.
Yeah, I know Kevin's a clown,
but...
I'm not doing this
'cause my husband's a clown.
You can get out of here.
I know how to lock up on my own.
I already sent Maggie
and Jesse home.
But, um, I'm gonna stick around,
just in case anyone wanders in
and needs a place to wait
for the power to come back on.
What kind of idiot wanders into
a dark restaurant in a blackout?
♪ Who let the dogs in?!
♪ Who, who, who, who, who! ♪
Why, why, why?
Well, I tracked
your phone location,
and I realized
that this empty diner
is the perfect spot
to spend a blackout.
Infinite food,
ample seating.
And Lorraine to throw to
the angry hordes as a sacrifice.
What?
It's one of Kevin's
less funny bits!
Lorraine lost her hearing aid,
so today's been
a bit of a struggle.
She did?
'Cause I found...
Oh, no, no, no.
No... No time.
Uh, we've got to get
this dump
turned into a luxury shelter
ASAP!
Sammy, you got any screws
to hang a projector screen?
I'm looking to fire up
my "Blue Bloods" DVDs.
There's no electricity,
Kevin.
Uh, correction, Sam.
They have no electricity -
the rest of Worcester...
because they don't have
Kevin's generator.
We, on the other hand...
♪ Ahh-h-h-h-h ♪ Ahh-h-h-h-h ♪
You have a generator.Yeah.
Well, it doesn't seem
like it,
but Kevin is prepared
for any disaster.
Otherwise, he'd die first. Pshh!
Yeah.
I guess.
Yeah, right.
Oh.
What are you doing here?
Allison told me to come.
She didn't say there'd be
other people here,
even though she knows I hate
other people.
Everyone, it is time to revel
in our electricity
and superiority.
All right. Now, where do you put
the batteries in this bad Larry?
Oh, no.
The what?
Yeah. What?
I took all the 9-volts
out of our smoke detectors
for this thing.
It doesn't take batteries.
It takes gas.
Like that riding mower you got
that chopped Neil's toe off.
I apologized for that,
Patty.
Yeah...
You said "Que sera"
and threw his toe in my yard
somewhere.
Please tell me
you found it.
Uh... yeah.
Patty, let's go find
some fuel.
Allison, be reasonable!
It's a blackout!
I can't send
two helpless women
out into the post apocalyptic
wild to die
because I made the first mistake
of my life.
Kevin, your father's a priest,
and your mother's a nun.
Think about it.
Your whole life
was based on a mistake.
Oh... All right.
I...
Go look for gas, then!
Okay.
You're leaving me? Yeah.
It'll be a blast.
Kevin's a real clown.
It's true.
Even my tears are funny.
What are you doing?
Volunteering to help Kevin?
No, I'm not.
I'm getting
the death certificate.
Tonight.
Gertrude's.
Wait. How?
Sam got me the number
of this shady guy at city hall,
and he texted me back
saying that for 100 bucks,
he could get me
the paper.
So... we should go.
Okay.
W... Really?
Yeah.
Let's do it.
I-I thought
you were gonna say
that we should wait for
the electricity to come back on
or for you to find
a Valium.
Ah. I don't think
it'll be any less sketchy
if we wait till the lights
are on.
Besides,
I got to do something
instead of sitting at home
in the dark, stuck in my head.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Let's go.
Oh, shoot.
I forgot to steal money
from Kevin.
I don't have any cash
on me.
We'll stop at the salon.
It's right there.
Okay.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Nice haircut,
by the way.
Thank you.
Sammy, my man.
I'm gonna make some popcorn as
soon as we get this genny going.
Question for you...
Do you have any butter,
hopefully of the tub quantity?
Yeah.
In back.
Great! But... No!
Don't go in there!
Don't stand between a man
and his butter, Sam!
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
Sammy...
are you living here?
No.
Oh, Sam,
the mattress is imprinted
with the outline
of your ripped bod.
Thank you.
But yeah, I've slept here
a little bit lately.
Stuff at home.
Just a rough patch.
Sammy, if you were having
relationship issues,
you should have come
to me.
I'm Mr. Marriag.
Just ask my wife.
I would, but you tossed her
into a high-crime area
during a blackout.
Okay.
I'll do it.
Do what?
I'll take you on
and save your marriage.
I'm gonna give you
a true storybook ending,
just like
"Romeo and Juliet."
That story doesn't end
the way you think it does.
You correct your wife
like that?
Yes.
And that's
lesson number one.
That's not necessary,
really.
Um, I'd actually appreciate it
if you kept this to yourself.
Forget you saw anything.
Yeah.
Loud and clear.
Whoa-ho!
Whoa!
That was a very interesting
sex story
you just told me
in there, Sam!
And the fact that it happened
just last night
with your very own wife?
Whoo!
That makes it even sexier.
Wait.
Something is... off.
All the lights, son.
Where's my generator?!
It was right here.
I know where it was, Ne!
Where is it now?
Well, it couldn't have just
walked out of here.
Uh, Sam...
...marriage lesson
number two...
Don't say stuff
that's insultingly obvious.
Now... if Sam's very astute
observation is correct
and it didn't just walk
out of here on its own,
then that means that...
one of you stole it.
Not me. What are you
talking about?
What?!
It's dark in here.
Well, it's a blackout.
Okay.
You said you needed $100?
Uh, just $71.
Thank you
for being honest.
Here.
This is easier
than breaking into Cindy's.
It's nice to have a door.
Well, Allison,
we're not breaking in.
I own the salon.
The illegal shit happens next.
Hey, someone's just handing us
a piece of paper.
We're not knocking over
a liquor store, so don't worry.
Okay.
Okay.
Here... $71.
Do you not believe me? Sorry.
I've had some trust issues
with money
on account of, you know,
my marriage.
I'm glad to hear it,
actually.
Okay.
Now for the illegal shit.
Okay.
Police. Open up.
Should I worry now?
Hey, Patty!
Sorry.
Didn't know it was you.
- Bye!
- Cops don't wave. Why are they waving?
They were at a party
at your house last week.
Oh, God. They're gonna tell
Tammy they saw us.
Is that bad?
Well...
Unlock the door!
Well, it's very obvious
that we're talking about them,
so why don't you go...
go answer the door?
Door.
Hey, Patty.
Ah!
H-Hi.Hi, Officers.
So nice
to see you again.
Right back at yo use.
We spotted the flashlight,
thought it was looters,
you know?
What were you two doing here?
Well, this is my
salon, and... Uh-huh.
Yes. And we were just getting,
uh, Patty's purse...
Yes. Thank you... and, uh,
we were gonna leave.
We can give you a ride
to the house.
Earn us a few extra points
with one Ms. Ridge way.
Uh...
We're, uh...
We're just... We're going
to our friend's house.
Mm-hmm. Gonna just
kind of hunker down there.
Shelter in place. Shelter in place.
- Yeah.
- On foot?
Uh-huh.
Yes. Yep.
'Cause she does live
quite close by.
Great.
Then we can drive you.
No.
We just don't want to disturb
you while you're on duty.
Ladies, stop trying to act
so brave.
Let us give you a ride
to the goddamn house.
In no time at all,
I've transformed
Sam's depressing
office apartment
into a makeshift...
interview room!
Sam lives here?
Totally.
Pretty hot goss, huh?
Come on, man.
You told people?
No. No, no, no.
No, no.
But it'd be some
pretty hot goss, right?
Look, I obviously know
it wasn't you,
but I know you're protecting
Diane.
Why would I protect Diane?
Diane hates me.
You're clearly protecting
Pete.
Why would I protect Pete?
I hate Pete.
You shouldn't have accepted
that doughnut.
- Now I've got your prints.
- Prints for what?
You claim to have seen nothing,
but did you hear anything?
What?
A generator thief
says what?
"A generator thief
says what?"
A generator thief
says what?
Huh?
A generator thief
says what?
Sorry.
I can't hear you.
Tammy's a changed woman
since you came around, Pat.
Always swore she'd never date
another neighborhood gal...
or a smoker.
Yeah. You got her breakg
all the rules.
Yeah, and I swore
I'd never talk to a cop
without a lawyer present,
but here we are.
Hey, we should all give her
a call together.
Yeah, I think... I think she
would get a kick out of that.
No.
Thank you.
Jesus, it's hot.
You look like Diane
getting a hot flash.
You okay?
Patty?
Stop being so weird.
Just act normal.
We're... We're in a car
with your friends.
You think we could roll
the window down?
In February?
Yeah.
Uh, she's... she...
She gets carsick.
She's...
She's getting carsick.
Lovely article this morning.
What?
The profile
in the paper?
I didn't know Kevin's wife
was such a phenom.
Ah. Or that you
worked at Defto's.
Oh!
Uh, there's our friend's house,
just on the corner.
We can get out here.
Yeah. What?
It's... That's half a block.
No, we'll take you
all the way there.
No, that's okay.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Go.
Thank you.
Oh...
Go.
Allison, you got to get me
out of this thing.
Oh. My seat belt's stuck.
Hold on.
I don't care
about the seat belt.
I'm gonna throw up.
Stop.
Get out of the car.
Out of the car.
Okay. Okay.
Bye.
Thank you.
Quickly.
Bye.
Have a good one.
You too.
Yeah.
What is wrong with you?
I got hot.
You freaked out.
I know.
But who is this guy?
You know?
He's willing to break the law
for 100 bucks.
And Tammy knows
those guys.
Is something going on
with you two?
Kind of.
Let's just get the cops
to leave.
Yeah. Thank you.
The house is here.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You're welcome, ladies!
Why aren't they leaving?
Because God hates me.
Well, whoever
this guy is,
I hope he at least looks
respectable.
Over here.
Ow.
Oh.
I am so sorry.
I think we must have
the wrong house.
Oh, you must be Alice.
Yes.
That's her.
So glad you made it.
Uh, quick question, dear,
before you come in...
What are those goddamn pigs
doing parked on my street?
Huh?
Yeah, 35 years of my life I gave
to those city hall pricks.
My best years.
But I believed
in civic duty!
And back then,
you think it was some picnic
being the only woman
at that place?
Yeah. That's right.
Geez. Oh, then I get
"let go"... by e-mail!
So, uh, yeah, I guess civic duty
is a one-way street.
Could have taken that place
down, too.
The stuff I saw.
Mm. Yeah.
Well, I am... I am so sorry
that happened to you.
Yeah, so now
whenever I get a call
from someone looking for
a liquor license
or some mousy delinquent
and her goth friend
looking for
a death certificate,
I'm like,
"Hey, show me the money!"
Goth? Thank you.
I changed my hair.
Ah! Bingo!
Here it is.
Okay.
Oh, boy.
Slow.
What is this?
Keys.
Uh, no.
I-I know.
I know they're keys,
but why...
Where's the
death certificate?
Oh, the records room
is on the third floor,
through the clerk's office.
And here.
Take these flashlights.
And good luck.
Good luck?
Yeah.
Power's out.
No one's there.
This is kismet. What does that mean?
And I cannot vouch
for the condition for the place,
'cause after I left, they hired
someone's delinquent nephew
to take over, so...
So you want us
to break into city hall?
I'm not doing it.
Right.
Right.
Thank you.
Are we really gonna break io
a government building?
You heard her.
She said it's the perfect time.
Shouldn't we stop
and talk about this?
Where's that ever gotten us? Oh.
Sam, let's get down
to brass tacks.
Why am I a suspect?
I was in here with you
when the generator was stolen.
You're not a suspect.
This is time for us to work on
marriage lesson number 16.
Can I be a suspect
instead?
Now, Sam, what do you know
about funniness?
What? Geez.
You sound like Lorraine ever
since I stole her hearing aid.
You did?
That's awful.
No, no, Sam.
That is funny.
And funniness is
my greatest strength.
Well, that
and my muscles...
and everything else,
including my brain.
So you think I need to be funny
to get my wife to like me again?
Oh, absolutely not.
You're too hot
to have a sense of humor.
Me, on the other hand, I am the
rare exception that has both.
You need to find your thing
and use it...
you know, your strength
that makes you so lovable,
you can get away
with whatever you want.
I don't have that.
Come on!
Don't sell yourself short.
Play up that, uh,
sensitive thing you got going.
You know, tell her...
tell her that you're broken.
Tell her that you guys can fix
each other.
Tell her you're in AA.
I'm in AA.
Score!
- Hey. Here we go.
- Yep, yep.
We're doing this.
We're doing this?
Well, we got the ke.
The power's out.
- It's kismet, right?
- I guess.
I'm still not sure.
It'll be easy.
It makes me so nervous
when you do that.
Do what?
Think things are easy
when they're not.
It'd just make me feel better
if you'd admit
this might not be
the best idea.
Well, that just feels like
negative thinking.
Ah!
Wait!
An alarm needs electricity.
This thing's dead.
It's city hall.
They probably have some
crazy advanced backup system
for stuff like this. Patty, this is
Worcester City Hall.
- Look at this thing.
- Don't...
Oh!
See? Easy.
Simple.
Mm.
Well, after some
amateur detective work
that I'm sure
even Scruff McGruff himself
would be proud of,
I've correctly deduced
who the thief if.
All right. Which one of these
losers was it, Kev?
Well, Neil, I'd say
it's the biggest loser of all.
Because you stole the generator!
And you've lost weight recently.
Congrats.
What?
You can't be serious.
I'm as serious
as Dad's coronary event,
which they're now classifying
as "inevitable."
What?
I have nothing
to leave you.
You've been sabotaging me
all day.
You bailed
on fireworks practice,
which is why I shot 'em
too low,
which is how I blew up
that giant electrical
transformer this afternoon.
Wait. So it's your fault
the power is out?
No.
It's Neil's fault!
Gosh.
Weren't you listening?
No.
I was listening.
You really believe, aftr
everything we've been through,
I'd steal from you?
Not only do I believe it,
I know it to be true!
In fact, this case is wide open
and slammed shut.
Just like the car door,
which I caught Dad's hand in
earlier today.
Did I apologize
for that yet?
You said "Que sera."
I don't even know
what it means.
Hey.
Are you okay?
Whoa.
Yeah.
It's very... official.
You ever been here
before?
Whenever Neil has
his court dates.
Wow.
So weird that Worcester
City Hall is so nice
and the rest of the town's...
Worcester.
It's not all bad.
Oh.
How you feeling?
Like maybe I should've
kept things off my mind tonight
by reading a nice book.
My friend Judi gave me
"The Secret Life of Bees."
Okay.
Okay.
Pull!
You did it.
Oh.
I hate it
when I'm right.
I'm not finding it.
Well, it's got to be
in here.
We had a small change
of plans,
but sometimes you just got to
roll with it, right?
Well, we didn't have
a plan.
Don't you think...
No, no. No.
Because when I think too h
about something,
that's the second I start
talking myself out of it, okay?
That's not true.
Well, maybe not for you,
but it is for me.
You've known me for 15 years.
Have I ever done anything?
You...
No.
I can't even blame Kevin for it,
'cause it's always been true.
I make excuses, and I bail,
and I make excuses, and I bail,
and, "Allison, you just always
make excuses and bail!"
Jesus.
I'm sorry.
Ah.
I just need to fid
this thing tonight,
and I can't let
a little trespassing
or some shitty nephew
who can't alphabetize
create any more excuses.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, but you must know...
What?
Gertrude Fronch.
It is a terrible name,
but I found it.
Ha!
Hang on.
Wait.
W... Really?
You don't actually believe
any of that?
That's bullshit.
You are not
some hopeless screw-up.
Okay.
No.
Don't do that.
I'm here.
I've been here,
standing next to you.
If you're some loser
who can't do anything,
I follow your lead...
what does that make me?
I guess you are right
sometimes.
What?
Kevin, you caused
a citywide power outage,
raided my diner,
and basically held everyone
in here hostage.
I think you owe us
an apology.
Yeah.
We're... upset.
And you should say you're...
sorry?
Apologies are like tears.
Everyone has to let them out
unless they're a real man.
Dad, you taught me that!
I-I never said that.
What?
How come I can't get through
to you today?
Because Kevin stole
her hearing aid.
What?!
What?!
Okay.
Hold on.
In my defense...
it has been pretty funny.
And did you do this
before or after you caused
a citywide emergency
where hearing would be crucial?
Oh, way before.
You have to take responsibility
for something, Kevin.
Anything.
Oh, Neil,
I'm so glad that you're back
from your little...
crying thing.
Will you please remind
these fine people
of some of
my good qualities?
I got nothing.
See, Neil kn...
Wait. What?
I guess you're pretty good
at accusing people
of stealing
your dumb generator.
Yeah.
And causing blackouts.
Yeah. I'm starting to think that
maybe I should cause a blackout.
Kill him!
What?
Uh, I...
Hit him!
The lights...
They're back on!
Hey, look!
Well, will you look at that?
Everyone was all mad
at me,
and the generator
wasn't even missing!
It was right here,
under this table!
Oh, I bet you all feel
real stupid now.
But how did it get
over there?
It's on wheels, D.
It must have just rolled.
Sam, you're probably gonna
want to level out this floor.
That's a real hazard.
You're a hazard.
Ha!
That's the spirit.
All right, gang.
What do you say we have
some more laughs about this
over a few dozen beers,
yeah?
You go ahead.
I'll catch up as soon
as I level out my floor.
Don't worry, hon.
We'll get you a new hearing aid.
What?
It's a good thing
you're so good at sex.
Damn right I am.
That was intense.
Blackouts do that.
People go nuts.
People do.
That explains all that stuff...
outside.
Probably related
to the whole blackout thing.
- Huh. Yeah. Totally.
- Sure.
Yeah. I mean, it has to be
a blackout thing.
Chuck still has
his sawed-off, so...
Right.
Of course.
So...
You hid the generator,
right?
What?
Come on.
Pete would never.
I don't even think Lorraine knew
there was a generator.
And I didn't do it,
so...
♪ I found you... ♪
Are you smarter
than Kevin?
Not if you ask Kevin.
Huh.
Yeah. Okay.
I did.
Think of it as payback
on Kevin
for trying to set me up
with Pete.
Hmm.
♪ You know that's true ♪
So, what are you gonna do,
rat on me?
♪ I found my someone... ♪
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go to Dunkin'.
♪ ...the day I found you You want anything?
Sure,
if you wouldn't mind.
Light and extra sweet.
Oh.
Oh, n...
No, I'm not gonna, like,
get it for you.
I was asking
if you want to come.
♪ Lonely days have passed ♪
Whatever.
Fine.
Fine.
♪ I'm glad I found you
♪ At last ♪
It's weird wanting something
so bad and finally getting it.
It's new.
Yeah.
I'm moving in with Tammy.
You are?
Yeah. She'd been acting
really weird recently.
So I went over there thinking
she was gonna break up with me,
but she just asked me
to move in.
And you said yes?
No.
But I'm gonna.
You won't live here
anymore.
Neither will you.
Hey.
I'm happy for you.
Good night, Gertrude.
Night, Patty.
Hello?
Hey.
Thanks for coming by.
Hey.
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah.
Tonight was terrible.
I was so annoyed
with Kevin.
No, not annoyed.
I was, uh, disgusted.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He kept giving me
terrible marriage advice.
Like... awful things.
But I-I think...
I think I do a lot of it,
and...
I don't know that I'm actually
that much better than him.
You should have
your job back.
It was wrong,
the way I fired you.
I made it about me,
and... and... I'm really sorry.
I do want to help you.
Um, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
- No.
I'm... I am so sorry.
It's okay.
I'm so sorry.
Oh. Oh.
Okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
So you're still mulling
how you're going to
fake your own death?
Like I said,
I haven't...
figured it out yet.
Allie,
you're stalling.
You haven't packed yet?
I shouldn't read into this,
right?
Absolutely not.
Oh...
This is the last thing
I need to do.
The last thing.
- One...
- Uh-huh.
Two...
- Allison.
- Yeah?
---
Allison Devine?
Everybody wanted
to get out of here.
You at least had a shot.
You need to get
Gertrude's death certificate.
I think I know someone
who can help us with this.
This is someone I know
at City Hall.
They'll get you
whatever you need.
After this, I'm done.
I'm faking
my own death.
My dad has a new girlfriend.
We're going to set up
Pete.
I do not want to sleep
with Diane.
Excuse me?
Him and Kevin
were joking.
To who? To not drinking alone.
Everything's going
to be fine.
It's the security footage
from Vermont, right?
Ugh.
Hello.
For who?
Huh?
I-I thought you said
"good morning."
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
You're too much!
I just came by to bathe
with your father.
You know, two birds,
one stone.
What are the birds?
And what is the stone?!
Ugh.
Better take this out.
It lets me hear,
but it doesn't mix well
with sudsy Pete water.
Yeah. Wouldn't want it to zap
your brain and kill you.
Oh! I know I'd be laughing,
but I can't hear you!
Ah!
I didn't say that!
That is
so out of context!
And what is that doing
in there?
A hit job. What?
I'm just reading the article,
which you stole from me!
There's a whole paragraph
in here
about your high school
swimming career
from like
a thousand years ago!
And a picture!
That space could've been used
for my quips, goofs,
and timeless maxims.
Where are my maxims,
Allison?!
"She was poised to have
her own legacy
but chose to end her swimming
career after her junior year."
Ooh.
Allison didn't finish something.
How is that news?
"You can find her working
at the Defto's package store."
A real blow.
What the hell?
I don't even work there anymore.
I mean for me.
But I have figured out a way
to take back my narrative.
The Worcester Wild Dude
has been put in charge
of the city's Fourth of July
fireworks display this year,
and it seems like a surefire way
to bring back
all the deep respect
which I so richly deserve.
I'm gonna reply in a way
that sounds like I'm listening,
but I'm really not.
That's the spirit!
Hey, uh,
Neil's coming over later
to help me sync up explosions
with random Aerosmith songs,
so...
Ah.
A little waxy.
The caller you've reached
is unavailable.
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, this is, uh,
this is Sam's friend Alli...
Al... ice.
Alice.
Uh, he told me that you could
help me out with some documents
from city hall.
Anyway, let me know
if you can meet up tonight.
Okay. Thank you.
Bye.
Oh.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Hm.
Oh.
Hi.
You didn't tell me
you were coming over.
I know.
And you cut your hair.
I had to do something.
It feels like
something's off,
and this seemed like
a dramatic gesture or whatever.
The haircut?
No.
Coming over.
I've barely heard from you
since my birthday.
I'm sorry.
I-I just... I've been busy.
Since when are you
too busy?
You once texted me
while arresting someone.
It's just...
It's just bad timing.
I'll call you later.
No.
No, you won't.
Is there something,
like, goin' on?
Yeah.
I've been trying to figure out
how to talk to you about this.
I just never
figured it out.
So I didn't talk
at all.
Okay.
Can you...
I'm just gonna say it.
Okay.
And think abot
how you want this to go
before you respond.
Tammy, just say...
Do you want to move in
with me?
I just like having you around.
That's all.
Actually... you might be
the best thing in my life,
and I want to spend
all my time with you.
I think it could be really good
for both of us.
Okay.
You can respond at some point.
Uh...
Well, um...
I'll call you later.
I heard you and Chuck
patched things up.
Patched like a Band-Aid
on a bullet hole.
Good for you.
No one stays together anymore.
You bet.
I know that thing with Tanya
seemed bad,
but... you know,
I love my Miller Lite.
But that doesn't mean
I'm not gonna sip from some Sam
- if there's an open bar.
- Buddy, there's a line.
I am talking to...
Yeah.
Excuse me.
Uh, tell Chuck, um,
he still owes me
for his bowling dues, okay?
Thank you.
Guy's been my doctor
since I was 2.
Even then,
I knew he was a dick.
Six-pack's $7.89.
That's two dollars cheaper
than usual.
I, um, I used my
employee discount for you.
Just this once.
Don't get used to it.
Well, shit.
♪ Go out on the town and see
what's happening all around ♪
Hi.
Wow.
Yeah. Well, not the worst answer
I was expecting.
Well, I think it's generous,
considering.
Y-Yeah.
No. I agree.
But you just kind of walked away
the other night.
You're not gonna tell anyone,
are you?
I'm not gonna tell
anyone.
I'm not sure anyone
would believe me anyways.
Thank you.
And thank you for putting me
in touch with the city hall guy.
I, uh,
left him a message.
He texted me, and he's gonna
get me what I need tonight.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I just need to find
$100 somewhere, but...
No.
No what?
I'm not giving you
the money.
I didn't ask for it.
Okay.
No. I didn't.
No, but you said it in that way
you always do,
where I know what you need,
so I just give it to you.
Okay, but that's not
what I'm getting at.
That's just what you do.
Yeah, and maybe that stuff
was worth it
when I thought we might actually
be together.
Wow.
Uh... huh.
Everything okay?
Hmm?
You look lost.
Oh.
Uh... Um, no.
I just...
Um... would it be cool
if I kind of hung out
and drank one of these
here?
Technically
that's illegal.
Right. Yeah.
S-Stupid.
But I do it all the time.
Knock yourself out.
Thanks.
Hey, um...
would you want one?
Um...
What...
What'd you do?
I didn't do... I just grabbed
a beer. I didn't do anything.
Patty will be here soon,
so I'll be out of your hair.
It's fine.
You're still gonna meet up
with this guy?
Yeah.
Why?
Is he scary?
I don't know.
I only texted with him.
I got his number
from one of Jenn's uncles.
I sent him money.
He made my liquor license
happen.
Mm.
You know, Allison...
you don't have to do this.
Yeah, I know Kevin's a clown,
but...
I'm not doing this
'cause my husband's a clown.
You can get out of here.
I know how to lock up on my own.
I already sent Maggie
and Jesse home.
But, um, I'm gonna stick around,
just in case anyone wanders in
and needs a place to wait
for the power to come back on.
What kind of idiot wanders into
a dark restaurant in a blackout?
♪ Who let the dogs in?!
♪ Who, who, who, who, who! ♪
Why, why, why?
Well, I tracked
your phone location,
and I realized
that this empty diner
is the perfect spot
to spend a blackout.
Infinite food,
ample seating.
And Lorraine to throw to
the angry hordes as a sacrifice.
What?
It's one of Kevin's
less funny bits!
Lorraine lost her hearing aid,
so today's been
a bit of a struggle.
She did?
'Cause I found...
Oh, no, no, no.
No... No time.
Uh, we've got to get
this dump
turned into a luxury shelter
ASAP!
Sammy, you got any screws
to hang a projector screen?
I'm looking to fire up
my "Blue Bloods" DVDs.
There's no electricity,
Kevin.
Uh, correction, Sam.
They have no electricity -
the rest of Worcester...
because they don't have
Kevin's generator.
We, on the other hand...
♪ Ahh-h-h-h-h ♪ Ahh-h-h-h-h ♪
You have a generator.Yeah.
Well, it doesn't seem
like it,
but Kevin is prepared
for any disaster.
Otherwise, he'd die first. Pshh!
Yeah.
I guess.
Yeah, right.
Oh.
What are you doing here?
Allison told me to come.
She didn't say there'd be
other people here,
even though she knows I hate
other people.
Everyone, it is time to revel
in our electricity
and superiority.
All right. Now, where do you put
the batteries in this bad Larry?
Oh, no.
The what?
Yeah. What?
I took all the 9-volts
out of our smoke detectors
for this thing.
It doesn't take batteries.
It takes gas.
Like that riding mower you got
that chopped Neil's toe off.
I apologized for that,
Patty.
Yeah...
You said "Que sera"
and threw his toe in my yard
somewhere.
Please tell me
you found it.
Uh... yeah.
Patty, let's go find
some fuel.
Allison, be reasonable!
It's a blackout!
I can't send
two helpless women
out into the post apocalyptic
wild to die
because I made the first mistake
of my life.
Kevin, your father's a priest,
and your mother's a nun.
Think about it.
Your whole life
was based on a mistake.
Oh... All right.
I...
Go look for gas, then!
Okay.
You're leaving me? Yeah.
It'll be a blast.
Kevin's a real clown.
It's true.
Even my tears are funny.
What are you doing?
Volunteering to help Kevin?
No, I'm not.
I'm getting
the death certificate.
Tonight.
Gertrude's.
Wait. How?
Sam got me the number
of this shady guy at city hall,
and he texted me back
saying that for 100 bucks,
he could get me
the paper.
So... we should go.
Okay.
W... Really?
Yeah.
Let's do it.
I-I thought
you were gonna say
that we should wait for
the electricity to come back on
or for you to find
a Valium.
Ah. I don't think
it'll be any less sketchy
if we wait till the lights
are on.
Besides,
I got to do something
instead of sitting at home
in the dark, stuck in my head.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Let's go.
Oh, shoot.
I forgot to steal money
from Kevin.
I don't have any cash
on me.
We'll stop at the salon.
It's right there.
Okay.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Nice haircut,
by the way.
Thank you.
Sammy, my man.
I'm gonna make some popcorn as
soon as we get this genny going.
Question for you...
Do you have any butter,
hopefully of the tub quantity?
Yeah.
In back.
Great! But... No!
Don't go in there!
Don't stand between a man
and his butter, Sam!
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
Sammy...
are you living here?
No.
Oh, Sam,
the mattress is imprinted
with the outline
of your ripped bod.
Thank you.
But yeah, I've slept here
a little bit lately.
Stuff at home.
Just a rough patch.
Sammy, if you were having
relationship issues,
you should have come
to me.
I'm Mr. Marriag.
Just ask my wife.
I would, but you tossed her
into a high-crime area
during a blackout.
Okay.
I'll do it.
Do what?
I'll take you on
and save your marriage.
I'm gonna give you
a true storybook ending,
just like
"Romeo and Juliet."
That story doesn't end
the way you think it does.
You correct your wife
like that?
Yes.
And that's
lesson number one.
That's not necessary,
really.
Um, I'd actually appreciate it
if you kept this to yourself.
Forget you saw anything.
Yeah.
Loud and clear.
Whoa-ho!
Whoa!
That was a very interesting
sex story
you just told me
in there, Sam!
And the fact that it happened
just last night
with your very own wife?
Whoo!
That makes it even sexier.
Wait.
Something is... off.
All the lights, son.
Where's my generator?!
It was right here.
I know where it was, Ne!
Where is it now?
Well, it couldn't have just
walked out of here.
Uh, Sam...
...marriage lesson
number two...
Don't say stuff
that's insultingly obvious.
Now... if Sam's very astute
observation is correct
and it didn't just walk
out of here on its own,
then that means that...
one of you stole it.
Not me. What are you
talking about?
What?!
It's dark in here.
Well, it's a blackout.
Okay.
You said you needed $100?
Uh, just $71.
Thank you
for being honest.
Here.
This is easier
than breaking into Cindy's.
It's nice to have a door.
Well, Allison,
we're not breaking in.
I own the salon.
The illegal shit happens next.
Hey, someone's just handing us
a piece of paper.
We're not knocking over
a liquor store, so don't worry.
Okay.
Okay.
Here... $71.
Do you not believe me? Sorry.
I've had some trust issues
with money
on account of, you know,
my marriage.
I'm glad to hear it,
actually.
Okay.
Now for the illegal shit.
Okay.
Police. Open up.
Should I worry now?
Hey, Patty!
Sorry.
Didn't know it was you.
- Bye!
- Cops don't wave. Why are they waving?
They were at a party
at your house last week.
Oh, God. They're gonna tell
Tammy they saw us.
Is that bad?
Well...
Unlock the door!
Well, it's very obvious
that we're talking about them,
so why don't you go...
go answer the door?
Door.
Hey, Patty.
Ah!
H-Hi.Hi, Officers.
So nice
to see you again.
Right back at yo use.
We spotted the flashlight,
thought it was looters,
you know?
What were you two doing here?
Well, this is my
salon, and... Uh-huh.
Yes. And we were just getting,
uh, Patty's purse...
Yes. Thank you... and, uh,
we were gonna leave.
We can give you a ride
to the house.
Earn us a few extra points
with one Ms. Ridge way.
Uh...
We're, uh...
We're just... We're going
to our friend's house.
Mm-hmm. Gonna just
kind of hunker down there.
Shelter in place. Shelter in place.
- Yeah.
- On foot?
Uh-huh.
Yes. Yep.
'Cause she does live
quite close by.
Great.
Then we can drive you.
No.
We just don't want to disturb
you while you're on duty.
Ladies, stop trying to act
so brave.
Let us give you a ride
to the goddamn house.
In no time at all,
I've transformed
Sam's depressing
office apartment
into a makeshift...
interview room!
Sam lives here?
Totally.
Pretty hot goss, huh?
Come on, man.
You told people?
No. No, no, no.
No, no.
But it'd be some
pretty hot goss, right?
Look, I obviously know
it wasn't you,
but I know you're protecting
Diane.
Why would I protect Diane?
Diane hates me.
You're clearly protecting
Pete.
Why would I protect Pete?
I hate Pete.
You shouldn't have accepted
that doughnut.
- Now I've got your prints.
- Prints for what?
You claim to have seen nothing,
but did you hear anything?
What?
A generator thief
says what?
"A generator thief
says what?"
A generator thief
says what?
Huh?
A generator thief
says what?
Sorry.
I can't hear you.
Tammy's a changed woman
since you came around, Pat.
Always swore she'd never date
another neighborhood gal...
or a smoker.
Yeah. You got her breakg
all the rules.
Yeah, and I swore
I'd never talk to a cop
without a lawyer present,
but here we are.
Hey, we should all give her
a call together.
Yeah, I think... I think she
would get a kick out of that.
No.
Thank you.
Jesus, it's hot.
You look like Diane
getting a hot flash.
You okay?
Patty?
Stop being so weird.
Just act normal.
We're... We're in a car
with your friends.
You think we could roll
the window down?
In February?
Yeah.
Uh, she's... she...
She gets carsick.
She's...
She's getting carsick.
Lovely article this morning.
What?
The profile
in the paper?
I didn't know Kevin's wife
was such a phenom.
Ah. Or that you
worked at Defto's.
Oh!
Uh, there's our friend's house,
just on the corner.
We can get out here.
Yeah. What?
It's... That's half a block.
No, we'll take you
all the way there.
No, that's okay.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Go.
Thank you.
Oh...
Go.
Allison, you got to get me
out of this thing.
Oh. My seat belt's stuck.
Hold on.
I don't care
about the seat belt.
I'm gonna throw up.
Stop.
Get out of the car.
Out of the car.
Okay. Okay.
Bye.
Thank you.
Quickly.
Bye.
Have a good one.
You too.
Yeah.
What is wrong with you?
I got hot.
You freaked out.
I know.
But who is this guy?
You know?
He's willing to break the law
for 100 bucks.
And Tammy knows
those guys.
Is something going on
with you two?
Kind of.
Let's just get the cops
to leave.
Yeah. Thank you.
The house is here.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You're welcome, ladies!
Why aren't they leaving?
Because God hates me.
Well, whoever
this guy is,
I hope he at least looks
respectable.
Over here.
Ow.
Oh.
I am so sorry.
I think we must have
the wrong house.
Oh, you must be Alice.
Yes.
That's her.
So glad you made it.
Uh, quick question, dear,
before you come in...
What are those goddamn pigs
doing parked on my street?
Huh?
Yeah, 35 years of my life I gave
to those city hall pricks.
My best years.
But I believed
in civic duty!
And back then,
you think it was some picnic
being the only woman
at that place?
Yeah. That's right.
Geez. Oh, then I get
"let go"... by e-mail!
So, uh, yeah, I guess civic duty
is a one-way street.
Could have taken that place
down, too.
The stuff I saw.
Mm. Yeah.
Well, I am... I am so sorry
that happened to you.
Yeah, so now
whenever I get a call
from someone looking for
a liquor license
or some mousy delinquent
and her goth friend
looking for
a death certificate,
I'm like,
"Hey, show me the money!"
Goth? Thank you.
I changed my hair.
Ah! Bingo!
Here it is.
Okay.
Oh, boy.
Slow.
What is this?
Keys.
Uh, no.
I-I know.
I know they're keys,
but why...
Where's the
death certificate?
Oh, the records room
is on the third floor,
through the clerk's office.
And here.
Take these flashlights.
And good luck.
Good luck?
Yeah.
Power's out.
No one's there.
This is kismet. What does that mean?
And I cannot vouch
for the condition for the place,
'cause after I left, they hired
someone's delinquent nephew
to take over, so...
So you want us
to break into city hall?
I'm not doing it.
Right.
Right.
Thank you.
Are we really gonna break io
a government building?
You heard her.
She said it's the perfect time.
Shouldn't we stop
and talk about this?
Where's that ever gotten us? Oh.
Sam, let's get down
to brass tacks.
Why am I a suspect?
I was in here with you
when the generator was stolen.
You're not a suspect.
This is time for us to work on
marriage lesson number 16.
Can I be a suspect
instead?
Now, Sam, what do you know
about funniness?
What? Geez.
You sound like Lorraine ever
since I stole her hearing aid.
You did?
That's awful.
No, no, Sam.
That is funny.
And funniness is
my greatest strength.
Well, that
and my muscles...
and everything else,
including my brain.
So you think I need to be funny
to get my wife to like me again?
Oh, absolutely not.
You're too hot
to have a sense of humor.
Me, on the other hand, I am the
rare exception that has both.
You need to find your thing
and use it...
you know, your strength
that makes you so lovable,
you can get away
with whatever you want.
I don't have that.
Come on!
Don't sell yourself short.
Play up that, uh,
sensitive thing you got going.
You know, tell her...
tell her that you're broken.
Tell her that you guys can fix
each other.
Tell her you're in AA.
I'm in AA.
Score!
- Hey. Here we go.
- Yep, yep.
We're doing this.
We're doing this?
Well, we got the ke.
The power's out.
- It's kismet, right?
- I guess.
I'm still not sure.
It'll be easy.
It makes me so nervous
when you do that.
Do what?
Think things are easy
when they're not.
It'd just make me feel better
if you'd admit
this might not be
the best idea.
Well, that just feels like
negative thinking.
Ah!
Wait!
An alarm needs electricity.
This thing's dead.
It's city hall.
They probably have some
crazy advanced backup system
for stuff like this. Patty, this is
Worcester City Hall.
- Look at this thing.
- Don't...
Oh!
See? Easy.
Simple.
Mm.
Well, after some
amateur detective work
that I'm sure
even Scruff McGruff himself
would be proud of,
I've correctly deduced
who the thief if.
All right. Which one of these
losers was it, Kev?
Well, Neil, I'd say
it's the biggest loser of all.
Because you stole the generator!
And you've lost weight recently.
Congrats.
What?
You can't be serious.
I'm as serious
as Dad's coronary event,
which they're now classifying
as "inevitable."
What?
I have nothing
to leave you.
You've been sabotaging me
all day.
You bailed
on fireworks practice,
which is why I shot 'em
too low,
which is how I blew up
that giant electrical
transformer this afternoon.
Wait. So it's your fault
the power is out?
No.
It's Neil's fault!
Gosh.
Weren't you listening?
No.
I was listening.
You really believe, aftr
everything we've been through,
I'd steal from you?
Not only do I believe it,
I know it to be true!
In fact, this case is wide open
and slammed shut.
Just like the car door,
which I caught Dad's hand in
earlier today.
Did I apologize
for that yet?
You said "Que sera."
I don't even know
what it means.
Hey.
Are you okay?
Whoa.
Yeah.
It's very... official.
You ever been here
before?
Whenever Neil has
his court dates.
Wow.
So weird that Worcester
City Hall is so nice
and the rest of the town's...
Worcester.
It's not all bad.
Oh.
How you feeling?
Like maybe I should've
kept things off my mind tonight
by reading a nice book.
My friend Judi gave me
"The Secret Life of Bees."
Okay.
Okay.
Pull!
You did it.
Oh.
I hate it
when I'm right.
I'm not finding it.
Well, it's got to be
in here.
We had a small change
of plans,
but sometimes you just got to
roll with it, right?
Well, we didn't have
a plan.
Don't you think...
No, no. No.
Because when I think too h
about something,
that's the second I start
talking myself out of it, okay?
That's not true.
Well, maybe not for you,
but it is for me.
You've known me for 15 years.
Have I ever done anything?
You...
No.
I can't even blame Kevin for it,
'cause it's always been true.
I make excuses, and I bail,
and I make excuses, and I bail,
and, "Allison, you just always
make excuses and bail!"
Jesus.
I'm sorry.
Ah.
I just need to fid
this thing tonight,
and I can't let
a little trespassing
or some shitty nephew
who can't alphabetize
create any more excuses.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, but you must know...
What?
Gertrude Fronch.
It is a terrible name,
but I found it.
Ha!
Hang on.
Wait.
W... Really?
You don't actually believe
any of that?
That's bullshit.
You are not
some hopeless screw-up.
Okay.
No.
Don't do that.
I'm here.
I've been here,
standing next to you.
If you're some loser
who can't do anything,
I follow your lead...
what does that make me?
I guess you are right
sometimes.
What?
Kevin, you caused
a citywide power outage,
raided my diner,
and basically held everyone
in here hostage.
I think you owe us
an apology.
Yeah.
We're... upset.
And you should say you're...
sorry?
Apologies are like tears.
Everyone has to let them out
unless they're a real man.
Dad, you taught me that!
I-I never said that.
What?
How come I can't get through
to you today?
Because Kevin stole
her hearing aid.
What?!
What?!
Okay.
Hold on.
In my defense...
it has been pretty funny.
And did you do this
before or after you caused
a citywide emergency
where hearing would be crucial?
Oh, way before.
You have to take responsibility
for something, Kevin.
Anything.
Oh, Neil,
I'm so glad that you're back
from your little...
crying thing.
Will you please remind
these fine people
of some of
my good qualities?
I got nothing.
See, Neil kn...
Wait. What?
I guess you're pretty good
at accusing people
of stealing
your dumb generator.
Yeah.
And causing blackouts.
Yeah. I'm starting to think that
maybe I should cause a blackout.
Kill him!
What?
Uh, I...
Hit him!
The lights...
They're back on!
Hey, look!
Well, will you look at that?
Everyone was all mad
at me,
and the generator
wasn't even missing!
It was right here,
under this table!
Oh, I bet you all feel
real stupid now.
But how did it get
over there?
It's on wheels, D.
It must have just rolled.
Sam, you're probably gonna
want to level out this floor.
That's a real hazard.
You're a hazard.
Ha!
That's the spirit.
All right, gang.
What do you say we have
some more laughs about this
over a few dozen beers,
yeah?
You go ahead.
I'll catch up as soon
as I level out my floor.
Don't worry, hon.
We'll get you a new hearing aid.
What?
It's a good thing
you're so good at sex.
Damn right I am.
That was intense.
Blackouts do that.
People go nuts.
People do.
That explains all that stuff...
outside.
Probably related
to the whole blackout thing.
- Huh. Yeah. Totally.
- Sure.
Yeah. I mean, it has to be
a blackout thing.
Chuck still has
his sawed-off, so...
Right.
Of course.
So...
You hid the generator,
right?
What?
Come on.
Pete would never.
I don't even think Lorraine knew
there was a generator.
And I didn't do it,
so...
♪ I found you... ♪
Are you smarter
than Kevin?
Not if you ask Kevin.
Huh.
Yeah. Okay.
I did.
Think of it as payback
on Kevin
for trying to set me up
with Pete.
Hmm.
♪ You know that's true ♪
So, what are you gonna do,
rat on me?
♪ I found my someone... ♪
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go to Dunkin'.
♪ ...the day I found you You want anything?
Sure,
if you wouldn't mind.
Light and extra sweet.
Oh.
Oh, n...
No, I'm not gonna, like,
get it for you.
I was asking
if you want to come.
♪ Lonely days have passed ♪
Whatever.
Fine.
Fine.
♪ I'm glad I found you
♪ At last ♪
It's weird wanting something
so bad and finally getting it.
It's new.
Yeah.
I'm moving in with Tammy.
You are?
Yeah. She'd been acting
really weird recently.
So I went over there thinking
she was gonna break up with me,
but she just asked me
to move in.
And you said yes?
No.
But I'm gonna.
You won't live here
anymore.
Neither will you.
Hey.
I'm happy for you.
Good night, Gertrude.
Night, Patty.
Hello?
Hey.
Thanks for coming by.
Hey.
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah.
Tonight was terrible.
I was so annoyed
with Kevin.
No, not annoyed.
I was, uh, disgusted.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He kept giving me
terrible marriage advice.
Like... awful things.
But I-I think...
I think I do a lot of it,
and...
I don't know that I'm actually
that much better than him.
You should have
your job back.
It was wrong,
the way I fired you.
I made it about me,
and... and... I'm really sorry.
I do want to help you.
Um, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
- No.
I'm... I am so sorry.
It's okay.
I'm so sorry.
Oh. Oh.
Okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
So you're still mulling
how you're going to
fake your own death?
Like I said,
I haven't...
figured it out yet.
Allie,
you're stalling.
You haven't packed yet?
I shouldn't read into this,
right?
Absolutely not.
Oh...
This is the last thing
I need to do.
The last thing.
- One...
- Uh-huh.
Two...
- Allison.
- Yeah?