Just Shoot Me! (1997–2003): Season 7, Episode 24 - Strange Bedfellows - full transcript
Finch and Elliot become rivals over a mutual male friend whom they both have an emotional connection with. Nina's dead friend Binnie shows up in her dreams.
- Okay, last order of business,
our magazine is being harassed.
Has anyone heard of
a feminist organization
called Women on Women?
- Oh, yeah, I checked
out their newsletter.
It's not what you think.
No lesbians, boo.
- They're threatening
a boycott of Blush.
According to them we
promote bad body image.
- Oh, that's ridiculous.
We promote good body image.
Thanks to us and the
do-gooders at Maxim,
more women than ever
are ashamed of being fat.
- Um, I think what
they're saying, Nina,
is that women are
more than their bodies
and shouldn't have
to be objectified.
- Chesty has a point.
- Maya, I'd like you
to talk to these people
and try and get
them off my back.
- Fine, I'll see what I can do,
but, as the poet Adrienne
Rich once pointed out...
- Great, meeting adjourned.
- Hey, I'm sorry I
missed the meeting.
I was having coffee
with my new buddy Jake,
and I just lost track
of time, you know?
- You weren't there?
- You see this kind of mocking?
See, I don't get that
from my friend Jake.
In fact, we were just
talking about our fathers,
and it was so intense,
it was so intense,
we actually cried.
- If you had sex with this
guy while watching Cabaret
it would be less gay.
- You know, it is so sad
that you can't even conceive
of two heterosexual
men having a legitimate
emotional connection.
- I'm plenty sensitive
with my guy friends.
The other day, Kevin
fell over the railing
and bounced down
two flights of stairs.
I tried really
hard not to laugh.
- Is he alright?
- He broke some ribs.
- Maya Gallo?
- Yes.
- Naomi Bergson, Women on Women.
- Oh my God.
It is such an honor to meet you.
I saw you speak when
I was at Columbia,
and it completely shaped
the way I think about myself
as a woman.
- Aw, I'm very flattered.
A little surprised, though,
given you work for Blush.
Oh, well, uh,
I guess back then
I didn't see myself
working at a fashion
magazine either, but...
- The money was good,
and a gal's gotta eat.
- Exactly.
- You're a whore.
- Excuse me?
- I'm sorry to be
so blunt, Maya,
but you've
sacrificed your morals
to peddle sex for a living.
What does that
sound like to you?
- I do not think it's fair
to say that I peddle sex.
- Your lead article reads,
"Sex, don't give it away,
"make him pay for it."
- That title is ironic.
It's not an article about
trading sex for money.
It's about getting respect,
in the form of dinner and gifts,
oh my God, I'm a whore.
- Oh, Simon, my darling.
We are so lucky to
have found each other.
- I know.
Every day I think about
that chubby little boy
who shot an arrow into my heart.
- Yeah, Cupid.
- No, it's Arthur Dinsdale.
Fat little bastard
nearly killed me.
Sweet dreams, darling.
- I hope so.
I've been having
trouble sleeping lately.
I took six of these,
but so far they haven't...
Hello, Nina.
- Binnie, I thought
you were dead.
I am dead.
I'm visiting you
from the afterworld.
Dimethyl Hydro Sulfazine.
Isn't that an
elephant tranquilizer?
- They're very hard to find.
I had to switch veterinarians.
I see you still wear
makeup to bed.
- And, I see even
God couldn't fix that
Mexican facelift of yours.
Bitch.
- Lush.
I miss you.
- God, I miss you, too.
Anyway, I'm here because
I've seen the future, Nina.
You're gonna cheat on Simon.
- What?!
No, no, I would never.
Yes, you will.
It'll be with a tall man
who'll be carrying a box.
You'll find him irresistible.
- No, but I don't want
to cheat on Simon.
He's the love of my life.
I would never do
anything to hurt him.
I've seen the future, Nina.
You will cheat on Simon.
You will cheat on Simon.
Woo!
- Why are you talking like that?
Just look scared.
My supervisor's watching.
Woo!
- What's the matter?
- Uh, nothing, nothing,
it was just a bad dream.
- Oh, what about?
- Uh, well, we were
at war with Poland,
and Russia and
Scandinavia, and it was awful!
You couldn't get vodka anywhere!
- But, we were
still on good terms
with Thailand and
Jamaica, right?
Oh, thank God.
- So, how did it go with that
woman from the feminist group?
- She has a name, Naomi,
and she's capable of doing as
much as you or any other man.
I'm sorry you're so
threatened by that.
- Okay.
So, what did Naomi have to say?
- That they would be
willing to call off the boycott
if Blush agreed to
certain concessions.
- Like?
- They want you to
devote an entire issue
to the negative body
image in American women.
All the models have
to be plus-sized,
all the articles have
to be about problems
like eating disorders.
- And, this ties
into orgasms how?
- It doesn't.
- Well, who the
hell is this woman,
trying to shove her crazy
ideas down my throat?
- Actually, they were my ideas.
- What?
Now, she's turned my
own daughter against me.
- Oh, I haven't been
turned against you.
- Are you wearing a button
that says, "Bash Blush?"
- They had sweaters
and caps, too.
Alright, that's it!
You can tell your friend
I'm not changing a thing!
And, if I lose so much as one
penny because of her boycott,
I'm suing her organization
into the ground!
- Threatening is not gonna
make this go away, Dad!
They are a powerful,
well-funded organization.
You're gonna
have to talk to her.
- Fine, but just so we're
clear, Maya, this is business.
And, as long as
you're in their camp,
expect me to treat you as I
would any other ruthless foe.
- I'm just gonna go
grab some lunch.
- Wear a scarf, it's chilly.
- Maya, you have
an advanced degree.
You've studied a lot of science.
Answer me this:
How many chickens do I
need to kill to get rid of a ghost?
- What are you talking about?
- My dead friend Binnie
visited me in a dream
and told me that I was
going to cheat on Simon.
- Oh, Nina, come on, ghosts?
That was just your unconscious
working out some
fears of commitment.
- Oh, Maya, how I wish I
could live in your fairy-tale world
of unicorns and moon landings.
But, I'm afraid we
grownups have to grapple
with a little thing
called reality.
I'm just gonna have to tell
Simon that a dead woman
told me I would sleep with
a tall man carrying a box.
- Hey, Nina, this came for you.
- I can't fight fate.
Just get naked and
meet me in my office.
- Oh my God!
Make-A-Wish got my letter!
- Nina, get hold of yourself!
You're in control
of your destiny!
You don't have to
sleep with Kevin!
- Mom, pick up the phone!
You'll never guess
what just happened!
- Maybe you're right.
- See, you do have free will.
- No, it's been foretold.
Somewhere out there
is a man waiting for me
to accept his package.
- We are too in love!
You shut up!
- Hey, is Elliot around?
- Aw, no, sorry, man, he's not.
- Would you mind telling
him Jake dropped by?
- Oh, you're Jake.
- Yeah, why, he mentioned me?
Yeah, of course.
You're the one he has the
deep emotional connection with.
- And that seems weird to you.
- Ha, well, maybe I'm
a little old-fashioned,
but I don't cry in
front of another dude
unless I'm trying to get
out of a speeding ticket.
- You're funny, you know that?
- Eh, yeah.
- But, then, we have to
be funny as guys, don't we?
I mean, no one
wants to hear about it
when we're vulnerable
or frightened.
I bet your whole life
you always had to be
the funniest guy around,
'cause no one really cared
when you had something
serious going on, in here.
- My father never hugged me.
It's alright.
Hey, Finch, is my dad...
- Don't you say dad!
- Just a second.
Oh, hey, pumpkin, what's up?
- Well, I was just wondering
how you and Naomi
were getting along.
- Uh...
- We're still feeling
each other out.
- Hey, did Jake call?
- Nope.
- Huh, he mentioned we
might go to the Knicks game
last night, and when
I called he was out.
- Hm, well, I certainly wouldn't
know anything about that.
- Is that a Knicks program?
- Oh my God, it
is, that's weird.
Hey, well, off to work with you.
Those models aren't
gonna shoot themselves,
til their late 20s, anyhow.
- This was from
last night's game.
You went out with
Jake, didn't you?
- Fine, he gets me, okay?
He understands my
shadow side, is that a crime?
- He's my friend.
- Well, when you called
last night he had no problem
letting the machine pick it up.
- You were at his place?
- Oh, yeah.
- Big deal, I've been to
his place a dozen times.
- I bet you dig
that cool pool table.
- I do, I dig his pool table.
- Yeah, it's nice.
- That's right.
- Too bad he doesn't have
a pool table, moron!
You never been there!
- You just stay away
from him, Finch, alright?
I met him first.
You find your own friends.
- Fine, I got all the guy
friends I need anyhow.
Hey, Kevin, how ya doin' buddy?
You feeling alright
since that fall?
- Well, since you asked,
my left arm keeps
slipping out of the socket,
and I keep seeing
these weird lights...
- Yakety yak, I didn't ask
for your life story, dude.
- Oh, good morning, dear.
How are you this morning?
- Oh, just fine, and you?
- Are you upset about something?
- I find it difficult
to understand why,
under the circumstances,
you would sleep with my father.
I mean, doesn't that
compromise your position?
- Why?
Are you suggesting that
just because I'm a woman
having sex would
weaken my stand?
- Well, no, but...
- If you wanna know
the truth, I think we made
some key breakthroughs
this morning in the shower.
- Oh, there you are.
- Good morning, Pookie.
- You're the Pookie.
Oh, no I'm not!
- I hate to interrupt, but can
we get down to business?
- Strawberry, my dear?
- Mm.
Mm, that's as sweet as you are.
- Mm-mm.
- Try it.
- Mm.
- Mm.
- Oh, my God, if one of
you picks up a banana,
I'm just gonna shoot myself.
Can we focus here?
Now, we would like Blush
to devote an entire issue
to negative body image in women.
- I'll give you one feature
and a plus-size
model on the cover.
- Oh, that is insulting!
We will not even dignify
that with that with a response!
- We'll take it.
What?!
- Seems like a fair compromise.
So, I'll see you at dinner?
- Pick you up at eight.
- I can't believe you
would sleep with Naomi
just to get her off your back.
- I happen to find
her a very interesting
and attractive woman.
- She may fall for
your act, but not me!
You still got a fight
ahead of you, mister!
I will not back down!
- You still coming
to dinner on Friday?
- Yes, and I will
bring the green beans
with the crunchies on top!
- Hello, Simon.
- Hello, love.
Why the long face?
- Well, I'm afraid
that I have something
rather difficult to tell you.
There's another man.
- Who is he?
- I don't know yet.
He'll be carrying a
box when we meet,
so he could be anything from
a pizza man to a pallbearer.
- Nina, who's been putting
this nonsense into your head?
Some daft psychic or some
crazy Tarot card reader?
- No, a dead friend
came to me in a dream.
- Oh, my God, that is serious.
- I am so glad you understand.
- Do I.
Mama Cass has been
haunting my dreams for years.
You tell one joke while
someone's wolfing down
a ham sandwich, they
stay pissed at you forever.
- Oh, Simon, I am so sorry.
I mean, I have no idea why
I would ever cheat on you.
I swear it is the furthest
thing from my mind.
- Well, who was this
friend who came to you?
I mean, what was she like?
- Oh, well, Binnie was,
was vain, selfish, spiteful,
vindictive, competitive.
God, she was
impossible not to love.
- Wait a minute, Nina.
If Binnie was all those
things while she was alive,
the odds are she's
still all those things
now that she's dead.
- Really?
- Oh, absolutely.
Studies show that people
grow very little emotionally
once they're deceased.
Maybe she didn't see the future.
Maybe she just doesn't
want to see you happy.
- Woah, maybe you're right.
I mean, she could never
stand it when I had a boyfriend,
and then she went crazy when
I started dating her husband.
- There you are, you see,
it's really nothing after all.
- Oh, Simon, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
You, you are always so
wise about these things.
- Well, I have been declared
clinically dead four times,
so I'm a bit of an expert.
- You know why
football's the best sport?
- Hmm?
- Because it demands
more than skill.
It demands strategy.
- Yeah, I hear ya.
You know what else
marries hand-eye coordination
with strategic planning?
Knitting a sweater.
- Once again, thanks
for hooking me up.
- Ah, you're lucky I had
a mannequin in your size.
- Listen, I'm gonna
go sign us up
for the dart board, alright?
- Alright.
Hey, you know, my
dad loved to throw darts.
He loved to throw
a lot of things.
Whoo.
- Hey, Finch.
- Huh!
Elliot, what are you doing here?
- I came to get a beer, why?
What's up?
- Hey, Finch, you
would not believe,
oh, hey, Elliot!
- Hello, Jake.
Thought you had that
rock-climbing class tonight.
- Oh, you know what, that's
actually tomorrow night.
I made a mistake.
Sure ya did!
- Elliot, let's not
make a scene here.
- Oh, like I'd give
you the satisfaction.
- Guys, what's going on here?
Why are you acting this way?
- Oh, I don't know, maybe
because I thought we were buddies?
Special buddies,
but apparently, oh,
you'll be buddies with
any guy who comes along.
- He likes me more,
it's no big deal.
- I don't like you more.
- You don't?
What, is this some game to you?
- Guys, can't we
just all be friends?
- So, what, you want us
both at the same time?
- Oh, yeah, you'd
like that, wouldn't ya.
That'd be real nice.
- Okay, you guys
are freaking me out.
- You know, things were
great until you came along.
- You can't see me happy.
- Oh please, I can see you...
- I'm out of here.
- No, no, wait, don't, don't go!
Don't go!
- Hey, that sweater's
dry clean only.
Hey, dude.
- I'll have a beer.
- What happened?
Were we just
fighting over a guy?
- I don't know.
I mean, maybe, you know, as men,
we're so uncomfortable
with sharing our feelings that,
you know, when I guy
really listens and cares
we just realize how starved
we are for it, you know?
- Well, maybe we could be
there for each other more.
- When I wake up and
find hair on my pillow, I cry.
- Every Christmas I get
drunk, and I wash my Grandma.
Mm, uh, I'm gonna go.
- Yeah, let's not
mention this again,
okay?
- Nope.
- Boycott Blush.
Blush magazine contributes
to the negative body image
of American women.
Big is beautiful!
- And, what size are you, honey?
- Well, I'm a two, but I
recently porked up from a zero.
- Maya, let's stop.
It's freezing, and no one cares.
- Come on, Michelle,
we've gotta stay and fight!
I mean, Kevin's a guy,
and he's helping us out.
- Well, I'm just waiting
for my mom to pick me up.
We're going to buy pants.
You wanna come?
- Sure.
- Okay, fine, go ahead,
I'll just do it myself,
because this is important!
- How's the protest going?
- Oh, is that
supposed to be funny,
'cause I'm here all by myself?
I had 30 plus-size girls here
before Krispy Kreme opened.
- Maya, I agreed
to a cover story,
and it was good
enough for Naomi.
- Because you seduced her!
- Come on, she's an
intelligent, independent woman.
Do you honestly think
I could change her?
- Well, you've done it before.
- To who?
- To me!
Before I came to
Blush, I was radical
and poor and pissed off!
And now, I have this
good job and nice clothes
and some money, and I'm...
- Happy?
- Yes, what kind of
monster are you?!
- Maya, I think you've got
this idea that being angry
makes someone deep,
and it's just not true.
It's not a crime to be happy.
- I just wanna feel like
I make a difference.
- You do.
You're decent,
thoughtful, and honest.
And, your example
has influenced all of us.
Me, most of all.
- Thanks, Dad.
- I mean, look at Naomi.
Because of you, I'm
starting to get interested
in more mature women.
Women of substance.
- Good for you.
Go ahead.
- Oh, back again, huh?
What, you couldn't
get into Warhol's parties
up there, either?
I have seen the future.
- Alright, cut the crap.
You haven't seen anything.
You're just being your
normal, spiteful, bitchy self.
Well, I was bored.
Death sucks.
When are you coming?
- Oh, Bin, look,
I can understand
why you're jealous
of me and Simon.
I mean, God, it must be
lonely up there all by yourself.
By myself?!
Ha, that's a laugh,
you condescending slut!
You know who I'm dating now?
Jim Morrison.
- No!
Come on, baby,
let's get out of here.
Oh, Bin, you got
the fat version!
♪ Life keeps bringin'
me back to you
♪ Keeps bringin' me home
♪ It don't matter
what I wanna do, 'cause
♪ It's got a mind of its own
♪ Life keeps bringin'
me back to you, yeah
our magazine is being harassed.
Has anyone heard of
a feminist organization
called Women on Women?
- Oh, yeah, I checked
out their newsletter.
It's not what you think.
No lesbians, boo.
- They're threatening
a boycott of Blush.
According to them we
promote bad body image.
- Oh, that's ridiculous.
We promote good body image.
Thanks to us and the
do-gooders at Maxim,
more women than ever
are ashamed of being fat.
- Um, I think what
they're saying, Nina,
is that women are
more than their bodies
and shouldn't have
to be objectified.
- Chesty has a point.
- Maya, I'd like you
to talk to these people
and try and get
them off my back.
- Fine, I'll see what I can do,
but, as the poet Adrienne
Rich once pointed out...
- Great, meeting adjourned.
- Hey, I'm sorry I
missed the meeting.
I was having coffee
with my new buddy Jake,
and I just lost track
of time, you know?
- You weren't there?
- You see this kind of mocking?
See, I don't get that
from my friend Jake.
In fact, we were just
talking about our fathers,
and it was so intense,
it was so intense,
we actually cried.
- If you had sex with this
guy while watching Cabaret
it would be less gay.
- You know, it is so sad
that you can't even conceive
of two heterosexual
men having a legitimate
emotional connection.
- I'm plenty sensitive
with my guy friends.
The other day, Kevin
fell over the railing
and bounced down
two flights of stairs.
I tried really
hard not to laugh.
- Is he alright?
- He broke some ribs.
- Maya Gallo?
- Yes.
- Naomi Bergson, Women on Women.
- Oh my God.
It is such an honor to meet you.
I saw you speak when
I was at Columbia,
and it completely shaped
the way I think about myself
as a woman.
- Aw, I'm very flattered.
A little surprised, though,
given you work for Blush.
Oh, well, uh,
I guess back then
I didn't see myself
working at a fashion
magazine either, but...
- The money was good,
and a gal's gotta eat.
- Exactly.
- You're a whore.
- Excuse me?
- I'm sorry to be
so blunt, Maya,
but you've
sacrificed your morals
to peddle sex for a living.
What does that
sound like to you?
- I do not think it's fair
to say that I peddle sex.
- Your lead article reads,
"Sex, don't give it away,
"make him pay for it."
- That title is ironic.
It's not an article about
trading sex for money.
It's about getting respect,
in the form of dinner and gifts,
oh my God, I'm a whore.
- Oh, Simon, my darling.
We are so lucky to
have found each other.
- I know.
Every day I think about
that chubby little boy
who shot an arrow into my heart.
- Yeah, Cupid.
- No, it's Arthur Dinsdale.
Fat little bastard
nearly killed me.
Sweet dreams, darling.
- I hope so.
I've been having
trouble sleeping lately.
I took six of these,
but so far they haven't...
Hello, Nina.
- Binnie, I thought
you were dead.
I am dead.
I'm visiting you
from the afterworld.
Dimethyl Hydro Sulfazine.
Isn't that an
elephant tranquilizer?
- They're very hard to find.
I had to switch veterinarians.
I see you still wear
makeup to bed.
- And, I see even
God couldn't fix that
Mexican facelift of yours.
Bitch.
- Lush.
I miss you.
- God, I miss you, too.
Anyway, I'm here because
I've seen the future, Nina.
You're gonna cheat on Simon.
- What?!
No, no, I would never.
Yes, you will.
It'll be with a tall man
who'll be carrying a box.
You'll find him irresistible.
- No, but I don't want
to cheat on Simon.
He's the love of my life.
I would never do
anything to hurt him.
I've seen the future, Nina.
You will cheat on Simon.
You will cheat on Simon.
Woo!
- Why are you talking like that?
Just look scared.
My supervisor's watching.
Woo!
- What's the matter?
- Uh, nothing, nothing,
it was just a bad dream.
- Oh, what about?
- Uh, well, we were
at war with Poland,
and Russia and
Scandinavia, and it was awful!
You couldn't get vodka anywhere!
- But, we were
still on good terms
with Thailand and
Jamaica, right?
Oh, thank God.
- So, how did it go with that
woman from the feminist group?
- She has a name, Naomi,
and she's capable of doing as
much as you or any other man.
I'm sorry you're so
threatened by that.
- Okay.
So, what did Naomi have to say?
- That they would be
willing to call off the boycott
if Blush agreed to
certain concessions.
- Like?
- They want you to
devote an entire issue
to the negative body
image in American women.
All the models have
to be plus-sized,
all the articles have
to be about problems
like eating disorders.
- And, this ties
into orgasms how?
- It doesn't.
- Well, who the
hell is this woman,
trying to shove her crazy
ideas down my throat?
- Actually, they were my ideas.
- What?
Now, she's turned my
own daughter against me.
- Oh, I haven't been
turned against you.
- Are you wearing a button
that says, "Bash Blush?"
- They had sweaters
and caps, too.
Alright, that's it!
You can tell your friend
I'm not changing a thing!
And, if I lose so much as one
penny because of her boycott,
I'm suing her organization
into the ground!
- Threatening is not gonna
make this go away, Dad!
They are a powerful,
well-funded organization.
You're gonna
have to talk to her.
- Fine, but just so we're
clear, Maya, this is business.
And, as long as
you're in their camp,
expect me to treat you as I
would any other ruthless foe.
- I'm just gonna go
grab some lunch.
- Wear a scarf, it's chilly.
- Maya, you have
an advanced degree.
You've studied a lot of science.
Answer me this:
How many chickens do I
need to kill to get rid of a ghost?
- What are you talking about?
- My dead friend Binnie
visited me in a dream
and told me that I was
going to cheat on Simon.
- Oh, Nina, come on, ghosts?
That was just your unconscious
working out some
fears of commitment.
- Oh, Maya, how I wish I
could live in your fairy-tale world
of unicorns and moon landings.
But, I'm afraid we
grownups have to grapple
with a little thing
called reality.
I'm just gonna have to tell
Simon that a dead woman
told me I would sleep with
a tall man carrying a box.
- Hey, Nina, this came for you.
- I can't fight fate.
Just get naked and
meet me in my office.
- Oh my God!
Make-A-Wish got my letter!
- Nina, get hold of yourself!
You're in control
of your destiny!
You don't have to
sleep with Kevin!
- Mom, pick up the phone!
You'll never guess
what just happened!
- Maybe you're right.
- See, you do have free will.
- No, it's been foretold.
Somewhere out there
is a man waiting for me
to accept his package.
- We are too in love!
You shut up!
- Hey, is Elliot around?
- Aw, no, sorry, man, he's not.
- Would you mind telling
him Jake dropped by?
- Oh, you're Jake.
- Yeah, why, he mentioned me?
Yeah, of course.
You're the one he has the
deep emotional connection with.
- And that seems weird to you.
- Ha, well, maybe I'm
a little old-fashioned,
but I don't cry in
front of another dude
unless I'm trying to get
out of a speeding ticket.
- You're funny, you know that?
- Eh, yeah.
- But, then, we have to
be funny as guys, don't we?
I mean, no one
wants to hear about it
when we're vulnerable
or frightened.
I bet your whole life
you always had to be
the funniest guy around,
'cause no one really cared
when you had something
serious going on, in here.
- My father never hugged me.
It's alright.
Hey, Finch, is my dad...
- Don't you say dad!
- Just a second.
Oh, hey, pumpkin, what's up?
- Well, I was just wondering
how you and Naomi
were getting along.
- Uh...
- We're still feeling
each other out.
- Hey, did Jake call?
- Nope.
- Huh, he mentioned we
might go to the Knicks game
last night, and when
I called he was out.
- Hm, well, I certainly wouldn't
know anything about that.
- Is that a Knicks program?
- Oh my God, it
is, that's weird.
Hey, well, off to work with you.
Those models aren't
gonna shoot themselves,
til their late 20s, anyhow.
- This was from
last night's game.
You went out with
Jake, didn't you?
- Fine, he gets me, okay?
He understands my
shadow side, is that a crime?
- He's my friend.
- Well, when you called
last night he had no problem
letting the machine pick it up.
- You were at his place?
- Oh, yeah.
- Big deal, I've been to
his place a dozen times.
- I bet you dig
that cool pool table.
- I do, I dig his pool table.
- Yeah, it's nice.
- That's right.
- Too bad he doesn't have
a pool table, moron!
You never been there!
- You just stay away
from him, Finch, alright?
I met him first.
You find your own friends.
- Fine, I got all the guy
friends I need anyhow.
Hey, Kevin, how ya doin' buddy?
You feeling alright
since that fall?
- Well, since you asked,
my left arm keeps
slipping out of the socket,
and I keep seeing
these weird lights...
- Yakety yak, I didn't ask
for your life story, dude.
- Oh, good morning, dear.
How are you this morning?
- Oh, just fine, and you?
- Are you upset about something?
- I find it difficult
to understand why,
under the circumstances,
you would sleep with my father.
I mean, doesn't that
compromise your position?
- Why?
Are you suggesting that
just because I'm a woman
having sex would
weaken my stand?
- Well, no, but...
- If you wanna know
the truth, I think we made
some key breakthroughs
this morning in the shower.
- Oh, there you are.
- Good morning, Pookie.
- You're the Pookie.
Oh, no I'm not!
- I hate to interrupt, but can
we get down to business?
- Strawberry, my dear?
- Mm.
Mm, that's as sweet as you are.
- Mm-mm.
- Try it.
- Mm.
- Mm.
- Oh, my God, if one of
you picks up a banana,
I'm just gonna shoot myself.
Can we focus here?
Now, we would like Blush
to devote an entire issue
to negative body image in women.
- I'll give you one feature
and a plus-size
model on the cover.
- Oh, that is insulting!
We will not even dignify
that with that with a response!
- We'll take it.
What?!
- Seems like a fair compromise.
So, I'll see you at dinner?
- Pick you up at eight.
- I can't believe you
would sleep with Naomi
just to get her off your back.
- I happen to find
her a very interesting
and attractive woman.
- She may fall for
your act, but not me!
You still got a fight
ahead of you, mister!
I will not back down!
- You still coming
to dinner on Friday?
- Yes, and I will
bring the green beans
with the crunchies on top!
- Hello, Simon.
- Hello, love.
Why the long face?
- Well, I'm afraid
that I have something
rather difficult to tell you.
There's another man.
- Who is he?
- I don't know yet.
He'll be carrying a
box when we meet,
so he could be anything from
a pizza man to a pallbearer.
- Nina, who's been putting
this nonsense into your head?
Some daft psychic or some
crazy Tarot card reader?
- No, a dead friend
came to me in a dream.
- Oh, my God, that is serious.
- I am so glad you understand.
- Do I.
Mama Cass has been
haunting my dreams for years.
You tell one joke while
someone's wolfing down
a ham sandwich, they
stay pissed at you forever.
- Oh, Simon, I am so sorry.
I mean, I have no idea why
I would ever cheat on you.
I swear it is the furthest
thing from my mind.
- Well, who was this
friend who came to you?
I mean, what was she like?
- Oh, well, Binnie was,
was vain, selfish, spiteful,
vindictive, competitive.
God, she was
impossible not to love.
- Wait a minute, Nina.
If Binnie was all those
things while she was alive,
the odds are she's
still all those things
now that she's dead.
- Really?
- Oh, absolutely.
Studies show that people
grow very little emotionally
once they're deceased.
Maybe she didn't see the future.
Maybe she just doesn't
want to see you happy.
- Woah, maybe you're right.
I mean, she could never
stand it when I had a boyfriend,
and then she went crazy when
I started dating her husband.
- There you are, you see,
it's really nothing after all.
- Oh, Simon, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
You, you are always so
wise about these things.
- Well, I have been declared
clinically dead four times,
so I'm a bit of an expert.
- You know why
football's the best sport?
- Hmm?
- Because it demands
more than skill.
It demands strategy.
- Yeah, I hear ya.
You know what else
marries hand-eye coordination
with strategic planning?
Knitting a sweater.
- Once again, thanks
for hooking me up.
- Ah, you're lucky I had
a mannequin in your size.
- Listen, I'm gonna
go sign us up
for the dart board, alright?
- Alright.
Hey, you know, my
dad loved to throw darts.
He loved to throw
a lot of things.
Whoo.
- Hey, Finch.
- Huh!
Elliot, what are you doing here?
- I came to get a beer, why?
What's up?
- Hey, Finch, you
would not believe,
oh, hey, Elliot!
- Hello, Jake.
Thought you had that
rock-climbing class tonight.
- Oh, you know what, that's
actually tomorrow night.
I made a mistake.
Sure ya did!
- Elliot, let's not
make a scene here.
- Oh, like I'd give
you the satisfaction.
- Guys, what's going on here?
Why are you acting this way?
- Oh, I don't know, maybe
because I thought we were buddies?
Special buddies,
but apparently, oh,
you'll be buddies with
any guy who comes along.
- He likes me more,
it's no big deal.
- I don't like you more.
- You don't?
What, is this some game to you?
- Guys, can't we
just all be friends?
- So, what, you want us
both at the same time?
- Oh, yeah, you'd
like that, wouldn't ya.
That'd be real nice.
- Okay, you guys
are freaking me out.
- You know, things were
great until you came along.
- You can't see me happy.
- Oh please, I can see you...
- I'm out of here.
- No, no, wait, don't, don't go!
Don't go!
- Hey, that sweater's
dry clean only.
Hey, dude.
- I'll have a beer.
- What happened?
Were we just
fighting over a guy?
- I don't know.
I mean, maybe, you know, as men,
we're so uncomfortable
with sharing our feelings that,
you know, when I guy
really listens and cares
we just realize how starved
we are for it, you know?
- Well, maybe we could be
there for each other more.
- When I wake up and
find hair on my pillow, I cry.
- Every Christmas I get
drunk, and I wash my Grandma.
Mm, uh, I'm gonna go.
- Yeah, let's not
mention this again,
okay?
- Nope.
- Boycott Blush.
Blush magazine contributes
to the negative body image
of American women.
Big is beautiful!
- And, what size are you, honey?
- Well, I'm a two, but I
recently porked up from a zero.
- Maya, let's stop.
It's freezing, and no one cares.
- Come on, Michelle,
we've gotta stay and fight!
I mean, Kevin's a guy,
and he's helping us out.
- Well, I'm just waiting
for my mom to pick me up.
We're going to buy pants.
You wanna come?
- Sure.
- Okay, fine, go ahead,
I'll just do it myself,
because this is important!
- How's the protest going?
- Oh, is that
supposed to be funny,
'cause I'm here all by myself?
I had 30 plus-size girls here
before Krispy Kreme opened.
- Maya, I agreed
to a cover story,
and it was good
enough for Naomi.
- Because you seduced her!
- Come on, she's an
intelligent, independent woman.
Do you honestly think
I could change her?
- Well, you've done it before.
- To who?
- To me!
Before I came to
Blush, I was radical
and poor and pissed off!
And now, I have this
good job and nice clothes
and some money, and I'm...
- Happy?
- Yes, what kind of
monster are you?!
- Maya, I think you've got
this idea that being angry
makes someone deep,
and it's just not true.
It's not a crime to be happy.
- I just wanna feel like
I make a difference.
- You do.
You're decent,
thoughtful, and honest.
And, your example
has influenced all of us.
Me, most of all.
- Thanks, Dad.
- I mean, look at Naomi.
Because of you, I'm
starting to get interested
in more mature women.
Women of substance.
- Good for you.
Go ahead.
- Oh, back again, huh?
What, you couldn't
get into Warhol's parties
up there, either?
I have seen the future.
- Alright, cut the crap.
You haven't seen anything.
You're just being your
normal, spiteful, bitchy self.
Well, I was bored.
Death sucks.
When are you coming?
- Oh, Bin, look,
I can understand
why you're jealous
of me and Simon.
I mean, God, it must be
lonely up there all by yourself.
By myself?!
Ha, that's a laugh,
you condescending slut!
You know who I'm dating now?
Jim Morrison.
- No!
Come on, baby,
let's get out of here.
Oh, Bin, you got
the fat version!
♪ Life keeps bringin'
me back to you
♪ Keeps bringin' me home
♪ It don't matter
what I wanna do, 'cause
♪ It's got a mind of its own
♪ Life keeps bringin'
me back to you, yeah