Just Shoot Me! (1997–2003): Season 7, Episode 10 - Pictures of Lily - full transcript
- You're late.
Where have you been?
- Oh yeah.
The subway was delayed.
I guess there was
a fire on the track.
Liar.
- What was that?
- That is a handheld
lie detector.
It analyzes the stress
levels in your speech.
Now again, where
were you this morning?
- I was giving blood.
Liar.
- My cat was sick.
Liar.
- All right, I was
at FAO Schwartz
having a light saber fight
with some punk 10 year old.
I totally kicked her ass.
Liar.
- Hey Simon's coming later
and I need to ask you something.
- You cannot have
sex in my office.
I don't know what you
people did last time,
but there was a butt print
in my table top zen garden.
- It's not that.
Last night, out of nowhere,
Simon mentioned
moving in together.
- God, that is huge.
What did you say?
- Well, I didn't
know what to say.
Luckily, all the
partying has eroded
his short term memory
so I shut the door,
opened it again and he
thought I'd just arrived.
- I thought he was
the love of you life.
- Oh, he is, he's amazing,
but I'm like a wild tiger,
free and independent.
It takes a huge dosage of
tranquilizers to affect me.
The thing is that everything's
been moving so fast
with Simon I don't
know what I want.
- You're going to have
to decide something.
You can't dodge it forever.
- I know, I know.
It's just that, you know,
if I could have
some time to myself,
I could figure it out,
but the problem is we
spend every moment together.
- Well, let him hang
out with his friends
for a couple of nights.
- Maya, he's a rock star.
All his friends
are either on tour,
in rehab or dead,
except for Kenny Loggins
and I'm not about
to encourage that.
- Hi.
- Simon, you're early.
- I missed you.
Listen, why don't we
fly up to Maine for dinner.
They've got this place there
that serves authentic
New York pizza.
- Well, thank you, Jenna.
Ha ha.
I meet with all the new models
to make sure they
understand their contracts.
Liar.
- Sorry Jack, I must've
left this on by accident.
Liar.
- Fine, I enjoy the vibration.
- You have one
of these, too, huh?
- Oh look, they
both love gadgets.
Maybe they should
spend some time together.
- You know what?
I bet you both have some
other things in common, too.
Like you've both
been blackmailed
with bogus sexual
harassment suits.
I am so sorry about that, Jack.
- Hey Simon, are
you a Giants fan?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
I love American football.
- Why don't you come with
me to the game tonight?
- Oh, that'd be great.
Oh wait, I can't.
I'm taking Nina to
Maine for dinner.
- Oh, no, no, no, you
go with Jack, really.
You know, I'm not
really welcome in Maine
since I plowed
into Stephen King.
- Look, you'll get
your damn rent.
Just give me a couple of days.
- Um, Vicki, if you're
a little short this month
I could help you out.
- Oh that's sweet,
but I wouldn't feel right
taking money from you.
- Gosh, I really feel bad.
She can't pay her rent.
- Yeah, New York
is a tough town.
- You know, if she
doesn't feel comfortable
taking money from me,
maybe I could get
payroll to cut her a check,
tell her it's a bonus, they
can take it out of my salary.
- Wow, that is a
beautiful gesture
from a very kind person.
- You wanna chip in?
- Don't push it.
Not everyone's daddy's
a millionaire, princess.
Hey, did a Lily
Barton call for me?
- Uh, let me,
you know, there was a centerfold
in one of my dad's old girly
magazines named Lily Barton.
Mm hmm, that's her.
- What, are you kidding me?
Dude, she's hot.
She had this one pose
where she was a stewardess
serving champagne.
- No.
That was something.
- Yeah, yeah, see.
Listen, you gotta
introduce me, pal.
- No, no, her gallery has
the edgiest stuff in town
and she's thinking
about showing my photos.
Now if you start
creeping around,
you're gonna blow this for me.
- I'm not gonna creep around.
I'm her biggest fan.
Her turn ons are gabbing
and flamenco dance.
Her turn offs are rude
people and nukes.
- You are going
nowhere near her.
- Please, it's not like
I'm some obsessed fan.
I just happen to admire a woman
who's born in Biloxi,
Mississippi to a preacher father
who once bowled a perfect game.
Don't you walk out on me
like her pill popping
ex-husband, Todd.
- Hello all.
- Oh, you're in a good mood.
- Since your father's been
hanging out with Simon,
I'm refreshed.
Last night I took
a long bubble bath,
drank until I passed out
and awoke coughing
water out of my lungs.
It's nice to have some me time.
- Okay, let's get started.
- What's with the guitar?
- Oh, my buddy, Simon,
is teaching me to play.
Okay, first item.
Vicki, I looked over
your advertising report.
- An upbeat chord because
he's happy with your work.
- Oh, thank you, Jack.
- Dad, the guitar is obnoxious.
Put it away.
- That's a bitter chord
for a sour attitude.
- All right, Elliot,
what've you got for
your shoot tomorrow?
- It's leopard print boots.
I figured I'd put them in cages
and shoot them
like they're animals.
Or I could just slap them
on half naked models
like I always do.
- Jack, please.
The guitar thing
is a real snore.
- Well, according to Simon,
if anyone knows about snoring,
it would be you.
- Simon's been telling
you things about me.
I don't like that one bit.
- He says she's louder
than a gig at Wimbley.
- And easier to get into.
- Hey, Vicki, how's it going?
- Amazing.
Guess who just got a bonus?
- That's great.
I bet it'll really help out.
- It already has.
Check out my new
lamb suede boots.
- You bought boots?
I thought you
had all those bills.
- Oh, but this is bonus
money, fun money.
I wanna splurge.
Hey Nina, you wanna go to lunch?
Champagne's on me.
- Vicki dear, at this point,
champagne just sobers me up.
Let's go eat some martinis.
- Dude, Lily's here.
She's hot as ever, man.
Check her out.
- Dude, do not blow this for me.
Hey, Miss Barton.
Come on, I'll show
you into the studio
and show you my work.
- Hey, hey, bubba, wait, wait.
Why so fast?
Maybe she'd like
a cup of coffee.
Perhaps maybe a
Sanka with two sugars
and a little sploosh of cream.
- I used to love Sanka.
- Oh really?
What a coincidence.
Dennis Finch, hi.
- Well, thank you, Dennis Finch.
This is a nice treat.
- Yes it is.
We can have it in the studio.
- You know what?
You're lucky you caught me.
I usually run out at
lunch and protest nukes.
Oh, I'm tired.
Sorry, excuse me.
It's flamenco dancing all night.
Oh, I'm gabbing away.
It's things I love to do
though, flamenco dancing
and gabbing away, but not nukes.
I don't like nukes.
- Oh I get it.
You memorized a magazine
I was in 30 years ago.
So now what?
I'm supposed to
rip off my clothes
and jump into bed with you?
- That'd be great.
- Let me guess, you live alone.
You love sci-fi.
You've had the same condom
in your wallet since 1978.
- See, I know you, you know me.
- Hey, how's it
going with Simon?
- Well, to be honest,
he's been spending
so much time with Jack
I've barely seen him.
So I'm going to go
over there right now
and show him this.
- Oh my god, you're naked.
- Actually, I'm wearing a
fine layer of cooking oil.
Actually, it's Pam.
Simon's got high cholesterol.
- I have to tell you, Elliot,
I find your photographs
disgusting and deeply disturbing.
- But you're going to use them?
- Oh yeah, there's a
real market for this crap.
- I can't tell you how much
this validation means to me.
- Call me later at the gallery.
- All right.
- Miss Barton, wait, wait.
I have to apologize for
being so forward before.
During my coffee
break I took the liberty
of glazing you a small pot.
- That's very sweet
and you're very persistent.
- You wanna see
me make a muscle?
- I don't think so.
- Lily.
- Oh Bob, there you are.
This is Dennis.
Hold this, I'll get my purse.
- You glazing pots for my girl?
- Maybe, I don't
see no ring, grandpa.
- Don't let my age fool you.
I have the heart
of a 30 year old.
- All right, whatever.
- No, really.
Some yuppie skied
himself into a tree
and I got his ticker.
Sorry, but Lily belongs
with a real man.
- I don't think so.
I think she belongs with me.
- Simon, open up.
I've got a little
surprise for you.
- Holy biscuits.
- Hey!
I thought you were
gonna be alone tonight.
- No, Jack jumped in.
Stick around.
We ordered pizza and if
the delivery guy's not here
in four minutes, it's free.
- We can't lose.
I gave the door man a
hundred bucks to stall him.
- I love this guy.
And today, we set
up a shell corporation
to limit my tax liability
and then we had ice cream.
- Uh huh.
You know, Simon, I
know that I told you
I wanted you to
hang out with Jack.
- It was a great idea.
You see, all my other
girlfriends have been
possessive and needy
and there's nothing
turns me off more
than a needy woman.
- Well, that certainly isn't me.
You know, in fact, I'm thrilled
that I came over here naked
and you'd rather play guitar
with a middle aged man.
- Oh great.
Here, let's jam.
Two, three, four.
♪ Wild thing
♪ You make my heart sing
♪ You make everything
gravy - Groovy.
♪ Groovy ♪ Wild thing
- Two, three, four ♪ Wild thing
♪ You make my heart sing
- Maya, I think your
father has fallen in love
with my boyfriend.
- What are you talking about?
- As we speak,
they're in the park
playing something
called handball.
That can't be good.
- Well, you wanted
some time alone.
- Well, I know, but now I feel
like Simon's pushing me away.
- Okay, a couple of nights ago
he mentioned moving in together
and you didn't even respond.
Maybe his feelings were hurt
and he decided
to back off a little.
- Oh my god, I
never thought of that.
You know, you're pretty good
with this relationship stuff.
I can't figure out why
you're not with a great guy.
- Well, in the words
of William Butler Yeats,
"A pity beyond all telling
is hid in the heart of love."
- That's why.
- Hey everybody, I got a monkey.
- What are you doing?
- Well, you know how
when you were a kid
you always dreamed
you had enough money
so you could just rent a monkey?
- No, who cares about a monkey?
- It's a monkey.
- This is out of control.
Stop wasting my money.
- Your money?
- You didn't get a bonus.
I gave you that money for rent.
- Oh.
So then I guess
this is your monkey.
- Hey, when did you
and Elliot have a kid?
Listen, I wanna talk to you.
Did Lily talk about me?
Did she mention me at all?
- Let it go.
You fell in love with a
picture in a magazine.
You don't even know her.
- Look, she's not just a
picture to me, all right.
She's the basis of every
woman I've ever seen since.
Haven't you ever had a
woman like that in your life?
- Linda Carter.
Wonder Woman.
With her bracelets and
bustier and lasso of truth.
I actually spray
painted a jump rope gold
one summer and
carried it around.
Golly, it was great.
- So you see how I feel.
- I do.
Look, I happen to
know that Lily's gonna be
at her gallery at 6:30.
So go for it, buddy.
- All right.
Hey, you know what?
One day you might get
a shot at Linda Carter.
And if you do, don't tell
her about the jump rope.
Seriously, between
that and your crazy eyes
and those pie plate
nipples of yours,
you're a tough
drink to order, pal.
Lily, what a surprise.
- Dennis, what are
you doing here?
- I certainly didn't follow you.
- Come on, I saw you
running after the cab
all the way from the gallery.
- What are you doing looking
out of the back of the cab
at a man when you've
got a beautiful lady here?
Gay?
- Excuse me, junior, but
in my time a gentleman
did not show up uninvited.
- Somebody woke up on the
wrong side of the Craftmatic.
- Don't push me.
I fought in Korea.
- Come on, guys.
Why don't we just relax
and have a cocktail.
- No, I earned the
Purple Heart and for what,
to take lip from
a punk like you?
- Bob, give the
war thing a rest.
You were injured falling
off a donkey onto your comb.
- Yes, and I bet the comb
had all its original teeth.
- That's it.
I'm inviting you outside.
It is time for fisticuffs.
- This'll just take a second.
I'll turn on my cell phone
and screw up his pacemaker.
- Hello, love.
This time, I've got
something for you.
- Please tell me
Jack isn't here.
- No, he's playing
squash with Larry today.
- Look, the other night,
you mentioned something
about us living together
and I just kind of ignored it,
but I've given it some thought
and I think maybe it's time.
- Well, I'm not sure moving in
is the best thing
for us right now.
- If this is about
giving me space,
it's okay, don't worry about it.
I mean, yeah, I admit
I was freaked out
about losing my independence,
but you know something?
I am completely
ready to be with you.
- Well, Jack doesn't
think it's a good idea.
- What?
- Well, he's a smart man
and I've really
grown to trust him.
- You know what?
That's it, that's it.
I can't take this anymore.
- Nina, what about us?
What about this?
Hello, Mrs. Jacobson.
Who thought we'd find ourselves
in this awkward
situation yet again?
- Ah, that old coot caught me
off guard with a sucker punch.
Sure, he rolled up his sleeve
and did the old
windmill windup first,
but the punch itself
came out of nowhere.
- I think I have something
that'll fix you right up.
- Oh, oh, here's the
thing about Bactine,
it stings a lot and I'd rather
not cry twice in one night.
- You know, there is
just something about you.
You remind of a
movie star from the '60s.
- Who, Steve McQueen?
- Mia Farrow.
I'll be right back.
- Hello?
- Hey, it's Finch.
I'm in Lily's apartment.
I think it's gonna happen.
That's amazing.
- Yeah, but I'm
kinda freaked out.
Why?
- 'Cause she's been so
special to me for so long,
what if it doesn't live
up to my expectations?
Then I won't even
have the fantasy.
- Oh, you're right.
Maybe you should walk away, man.
That way it'll
just stay perfect.
- You're right, you're right.
- You know what?
I gotta go.
I'm feeling feverish.
I got bit by Maya's monkey.
- Hey Lily, there's
something I need to tell you.
Right after we land.
- Vicki, I'm really sorry.
I just wanted to help,
but I handled that very badly.
- No, I have a
problem with money.
I never had any as a kid
so when I get some I go wild.
- That's funny because
I've always had money
and never been able to enjoy it.
- Oh my god, that's crazy.
Look, you only go around once.
If there was anything
you could do, right now,
what would it be?
- Oh, well that's easy.
I'd go back in time
and drink mead with
Geoffrey Chaucer, duh.
- How about a trip
to Vegas right now.
- No, I couldn't do that.
- Why, oh come on, you said
that you never enjoy your money.
It could be fun.
- Well, you're right.
Maybe in the spring...
- No, right now.
We're gonna fly first class
and we're gonna
stay in a top hotel.
- Okay.
And eat stuff from the mini bar
and not replace it
before they check.
- Yes, I'll bet you
they'll have a Jacuzzi.
- And really hot
room service guys
who will bring us pancakes,
but turn out to be strippers
and then we'll pour syrup
on them for a change.
- Vegas.
- Vegas!
- Yeah!
Nina, we're going to Vegas
to eat pancakes
off of strippers.
- Get Kurt and Tony.
You'll thank me later.
How dare you tell Simon
we shouldn't move in together.
You call him right now
and tell him you were wrong.
- No and don't put
me in the middle.
It's very dodgy being
chums with a bird
that my mate is rogering.
Hello?
Simon, great, Nina's here.
You two can clear this up.
- No, no, I don't
wanna talk to him.
- Simon, Nina's really pissed.
No, not pissed as in drunk,
pissed as in mad.
Well, maybe both.
He says he never
meant to hurt you.
- Hm, and yet he did.
- And yet you did.
He says you two
have a lovely future.
- Yeah, well then why didn't
you want to live with me?
- Why didn't you
want to live with me?
I agree with Jack.
There's no reason to rush things
when you plan on being
with someone forever.
- Forever, do you mean that?
- Of course.
Nina, I love you.
When I hold you in my arms,
it's like living in a dream I
never wanna wake up from.
- Simon.
- She just kissed me.
He wants me to
fondle your breasts.
Maybe you better just
talk to him in person.
- I think that's a good idea.
- Tell Simon that kiss
didn't affect me at all.
Liar.
- He's right.
The vibration does feel good.
♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you
♪ Keeps bringing me home
♪ It don't matter
what I wanna do
♪ 'Cause it's got
a mind of its own
♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you
Where have you been?
- Oh yeah.
The subway was delayed.
I guess there was
a fire on the track.
Liar.
- What was that?
- That is a handheld
lie detector.
It analyzes the stress
levels in your speech.
Now again, where
were you this morning?
- I was giving blood.
Liar.
- My cat was sick.
Liar.
- All right, I was
at FAO Schwartz
having a light saber fight
with some punk 10 year old.
I totally kicked her ass.
Liar.
- Hey Simon's coming later
and I need to ask you something.
- You cannot have
sex in my office.
I don't know what you
people did last time,
but there was a butt print
in my table top zen garden.
- It's not that.
Last night, out of nowhere,
Simon mentioned
moving in together.
- God, that is huge.
What did you say?
- Well, I didn't
know what to say.
Luckily, all the
partying has eroded
his short term memory
so I shut the door,
opened it again and he
thought I'd just arrived.
- I thought he was
the love of you life.
- Oh, he is, he's amazing,
but I'm like a wild tiger,
free and independent.
It takes a huge dosage of
tranquilizers to affect me.
The thing is that everything's
been moving so fast
with Simon I don't
know what I want.
- You're going to have
to decide something.
You can't dodge it forever.
- I know, I know.
It's just that, you know,
if I could have
some time to myself,
I could figure it out,
but the problem is we
spend every moment together.
- Well, let him hang
out with his friends
for a couple of nights.
- Maya, he's a rock star.
All his friends
are either on tour,
in rehab or dead,
except for Kenny Loggins
and I'm not about
to encourage that.
- Hi.
- Simon, you're early.
- I missed you.
Listen, why don't we
fly up to Maine for dinner.
They've got this place there
that serves authentic
New York pizza.
- Well, thank you, Jenna.
Ha ha.
I meet with all the new models
to make sure they
understand their contracts.
Liar.
- Sorry Jack, I must've
left this on by accident.
Liar.
- Fine, I enjoy the vibration.
- You have one
of these, too, huh?
- Oh look, they
both love gadgets.
Maybe they should
spend some time together.
- You know what?
I bet you both have some
other things in common, too.
Like you've both
been blackmailed
with bogus sexual
harassment suits.
I am so sorry about that, Jack.
- Hey Simon, are
you a Giants fan?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
I love American football.
- Why don't you come with
me to the game tonight?
- Oh, that'd be great.
Oh wait, I can't.
I'm taking Nina to
Maine for dinner.
- Oh, no, no, no, you
go with Jack, really.
You know, I'm not
really welcome in Maine
since I plowed
into Stephen King.
- Look, you'll get
your damn rent.
Just give me a couple of days.
- Um, Vicki, if you're
a little short this month
I could help you out.
- Oh that's sweet,
but I wouldn't feel right
taking money from you.
- Gosh, I really feel bad.
She can't pay her rent.
- Yeah, New York
is a tough town.
- You know, if she
doesn't feel comfortable
taking money from me,
maybe I could get
payroll to cut her a check,
tell her it's a bonus, they
can take it out of my salary.
- Wow, that is a
beautiful gesture
from a very kind person.
- You wanna chip in?
- Don't push it.
Not everyone's daddy's
a millionaire, princess.
Hey, did a Lily
Barton call for me?
- Uh, let me,
you know, there was a centerfold
in one of my dad's old girly
magazines named Lily Barton.
Mm hmm, that's her.
- What, are you kidding me?
Dude, she's hot.
She had this one pose
where she was a stewardess
serving champagne.
- No.
That was something.
- Yeah, yeah, see.
Listen, you gotta
introduce me, pal.
- No, no, her gallery has
the edgiest stuff in town
and she's thinking
about showing my photos.
Now if you start
creeping around,
you're gonna blow this for me.
- I'm not gonna creep around.
I'm her biggest fan.
Her turn ons are gabbing
and flamenco dance.
Her turn offs are rude
people and nukes.
- You are going
nowhere near her.
- Please, it's not like
I'm some obsessed fan.
I just happen to admire a woman
who's born in Biloxi,
Mississippi to a preacher father
who once bowled a perfect game.
Don't you walk out on me
like her pill popping
ex-husband, Todd.
- Hello all.
- Oh, you're in a good mood.
- Since your father's been
hanging out with Simon,
I'm refreshed.
Last night I took
a long bubble bath,
drank until I passed out
and awoke coughing
water out of my lungs.
It's nice to have some me time.
- Okay, let's get started.
- What's with the guitar?
- Oh, my buddy, Simon,
is teaching me to play.
Okay, first item.
Vicki, I looked over
your advertising report.
- An upbeat chord because
he's happy with your work.
- Oh, thank you, Jack.
- Dad, the guitar is obnoxious.
Put it away.
- That's a bitter chord
for a sour attitude.
- All right, Elliot,
what've you got for
your shoot tomorrow?
- It's leopard print boots.
I figured I'd put them in cages
and shoot them
like they're animals.
Or I could just slap them
on half naked models
like I always do.
- Jack, please.
The guitar thing
is a real snore.
- Well, according to Simon,
if anyone knows about snoring,
it would be you.
- Simon's been telling
you things about me.
I don't like that one bit.
- He says she's louder
than a gig at Wimbley.
- And easier to get into.
- Hey, Vicki, how's it going?
- Amazing.
Guess who just got a bonus?
- That's great.
I bet it'll really help out.
- It already has.
Check out my new
lamb suede boots.
- You bought boots?
I thought you
had all those bills.
- Oh, but this is bonus
money, fun money.
I wanna splurge.
Hey Nina, you wanna go to lunch?
Champagne's on me.
- Vicki dear, at this point,
champagne just sobers me up.
Let's go eat some martinis.
- Dude, Lily's here.
She's hot as ever, man.
Check her out.
- Dude, do not blow this for me.
Hey, Miss Barton.
Come on, I'll show
you into the studio
and show you my work.
- Hey, hey, bubba, wait, wait.
Why so fast?
Maybe she'd like
a cup of coffee.
Perhaps maybe a
Sanka with two sugars
and a little sploosh of cream.
- I used to love Sanka.
- Oh really?
What a coincidence.
Dennis Finch, hi.
- Well, thank you, Dennis Finch.
This is a nice treat.
- Yes it is.
We can have it in the studio.
- You know what?
You're lucky you caught me.
I usually run out at
lunch and protest nukes.
Oh, I'm tired.
Sorry, excuse me.
It's flamenco dancing all night.
Oh, I'm gabbing away.
It's things I love to do
though, flamenco dancing
and gabbing away, but not nukes.
I don't like nukes.
- Oh I get it.
You memorized a magazine
I was in 30 years ago.
So now what?
I'm supposed to
rip off my clothes
and jump into bed with you?
- That'd be great.
- Let me guess, you live alone.
You love sci-fi.
You've had the same condom
in your wallet since 1978.
- See, I know you, you know me.
- Hey, how's it
going with Simon?
- Well, to be honest,
he's been spending
so much time with Jack
I've barely seen him.
So I'm going to go
over there right now
and show him this.
- Oh my god, you're naked.
- Actually, I'm wearing a
fine layer of cooking oil.
Actually, it's Pam.
Simon's got high cholesterol.
- I have to tell you, Elliot,
I find your photographs
disgusting and deeply disturbing.
- But you're going to use them?
- Oh yeah, there's a
real market for this crap.
- I can't tell you how much
this validation means to me.
- Call me later at the gallery.
- All right.
- Miss Barton, wait, wait.
I have to apologize for
being so forward before.
During my coffee
break I took the liberty
of glazing you a small pot.
- That's very sweet
and you're very persistent.
- You wanna see
me make a muscle?
- I don't think so.
- Lily.
- Oh Bob, there you are.
This is Dennis.
Hold this, I'll get my purse.
- You glazing pots for my girl?
- Maybe, I don't
see no ring, grandpa.
- Don't let my age fool you.
I have the heart
of a 30 year old.
- All right, whatever.
- No, really.
Some yuppie skied
himself into a tree
and I got his ticker.
Sorry, but Lily belongs
with a real man.
- I don't think so.
I think she belongs with me.
- Simon, open up.
I've got a little
surprise for you.
- Holy biscuits.
- Hey!
I thought you were
gonna be alone tonight.
- No, Jack jumped in.
Stick around.
We ordered pizza and if
the delivery guy's not here
in four minutes, it's free.
- We can't lose.
I gave the door man a
hundred bucks to stall him.
- I love this guy.
And today, we set
up a shell corporation
to limit my tax liability
and then we had ice cream.
- Uh huh.
You know, Simon, I
know that I told you
I wanted you to
hang out with Jack.
- It was a great idea.
You see, all my other
girlfriends have been
possessive and needy
and there's nothing
turns me off more
than a needy woman.
- Well, that certainly isn't me.
You know, in fact, I'm thrilled
that I came over here naked
and you'd rather play guitar
with a middle aged man.
- Oh great.
Here, let's jam.
Two, three, four.
♪ Wild thing
♪ You make my heart sing
♪ You make everything
gravy - Groovy.
♪ Groovy ♪ Wild thing
- Two, three, four ♪ Wild thing
♪ You make my heart sing
- Maya, I think your
father has fallen in love
with my boyfriend.
- What are you talking about?
- As we speak,
they're in the park
playing something
called handball.
That can't be good.
- Well, you wanted
some time alone.
- Well, I know, but now I feel
like Simon's pushing me away.
- Okay, a couple of nights ago
he mentioned moving in together
and you didn't even respond.
Maybe his feelings were hurt
and he decided
to back off a little.
- Oh my god, I
never thought of that.
You know, you're pretty good
with this relationship stuff.
I can't figure out why
you're not with a great guy.
- Well, in the words
of William Butler Yeats,
"A pity beyond all telling
is hid in the heart of love."
- That's why.
- Hey everybody, I got a monkey.
- What are you doing?
- Well, you know how
when you were a kid
you always dreamed
you had enough money
so you could just rent a monkey?
- No, who cares about a monkey?
- It's a monkey.
- This is out of control.
Stop wasting my money.
- Your money?
- You didn't get a bonus.
I gave you that money for rent.
- Oh.
So then I guess
this is your monkey.
- Hey, when did you
and Elliot have a kid?
Listen, I wanna talk to you.
Did Lily talk about me?
Did she mention me at all?
- Let it go.
You fell in love with a
picture in a magazine.
You don't even know her.
- Look, she's not just a
picture to me, all right.
She's the basis of every
woman I've ever seen since.
Haven't you ever had a
woman like that in your life?
- Linda Carter.
Wonder Woman.
With her bracelets and
bustier and lasso of truth.
I actually spray
painted a jump rope gold
one summer and
carried it around.
Golly, it was great.
- So you see how I feel.
- I do.
Look, I happen to
know that Lily's gonna be
at her gallery at 6:30.
So go for it, buddy.
- All right.
Hey, you know what?
One day you might get
a shot at Linda Carter.
And if you do, don't tell
her about the jump rope.
Seriously, between
that and your crazy eyes
and those pie plate
nipples of yours,
you're a tough
drink to order, pal.
Lily, what a surprise.
- Dennis, what are
you doing here?
- I certainly didn't follow you.
- Come on, I saw you
running after the cab
all the way from the gallery.
- What are you doing looking
out of the back of the cab
at a man when you've
got a beautiful lady here?
Gay?
- Excuse me, junior, but
in my time a gentleman
did not show up uninvited.
- Somebody woke up on the
wrong side of the Craftmatic.
- Don't push me.
I fought in Korea.
- Come on, guys.
Why don't we just relax
and have a cocktail.
- No, I earned the
Purple Heart and for what,
to take lip from
a punk like you?
- Bob, give the
war thing a rest.
You were injured falling
off a donkey onto your comb.
- Yes, and I bet the comb
had all its original teeth.
- That's it.
I'm inviting you outside.
It is time for fisticuffs.
- This'll just take a second.
I'll turn on my cell phone
and screw up his pacemaker.
- Hello, love.
This time, I've got
something for you.
- Please tell me
Jack isn't here.
- No, he's playing
squash with Larry today.
- Look, the other night,
you mentioned something
about us living together
and I just kind of ignored it,
but I've given it some thought
and I think maybe it's time.
- Well, I'm not sure moving in
is the best thing
for us right now.
- If this is about
giving me space,
it's okay, don't worry about it.
I mean, yeah, I admit
I was freaked out
about losing my independence,
but you know something?
I am completely
ready to be with you.
- Well, Jack doesn't
think it's a good idea.
- What?
- Well, he's a smart man
and I've really
grown to trust him.
- You know what?
That's it, that's it.
I can't take this anymore.
- Nina, what about us?
What about this?
Hello, Mrs. Jacobson.
Who thought we'd find ourselves
in this awkward
situation yet again?
- Ah, that old coot caught me
off guard with a sucker punch.
Sure, he rolled up his sleeve
and did the old
windmill windup first,
but the punch itself
came out of nowhere.
- I think I have something
that'll fix you right up.
- Oh, oh, here's the
thing about Bactine,
it stings a lot and I'd rather
not cry twice in one night.
- You know, there is
just something about you.
You remind of a
movie star from the '60s.
- Who, Steve McQueen?
- Mia Farrow.
I'll be right back.
- Hello?
- Hey, it's Finch.
I'm in Lily's apartment.
I think it's gonna happen.
That's amazing.
- Yeah, but I'm
kinda freaked out.
Why?
- 'Cause she's been so
special to me for so long,
what if it doesn't live
up to my expectations?
Then I won't even
have the fantasy.
- Oh, you're right.
Maybe you should walk away, man.
That way it'll
just stay perfect.
- You're right, you're right.
- You know what?
I gotta go.
I'm feeling feverish.
I got bit by Maya's monkey.
- Hey Lily, there's
something I need to tell you.
Right after we land.
- Vicki, I'm really sorry.
I just wanted to help,
but I handled that very badly.
- No, I have a
problem with money.
I never had any as a kid
so when I get some I go wild.
- That's funny because
I've always had money
and never been able to enjoy it.
- Oh my god, that's crazy.
Look, you only go around once.
If there was anything
you could do, right now,
what would it be?
- Oh, well that's easy.
I'd go back in time
and drink mead with
Geoffrey Chaucer, duh.
- How about a trip
to Vegas right now.
- No, I couldn't do that.
- Why, oh come on, you said
that you never enjoy your money.
It could be fun.
- Well, you're right.
Maybe in the spring...
- No, right now.
We're gonna fly first class
and we're gonna
stay in a top hotel.
- Okay.
And eat stuff from the mini bar
and not replace it
before they check.
- Yes, I'll bet you
they'll have a Jacuzzi.
- And really hot
room service guys
who will bring us pancakes,
but turn out to be strippers
and then we'll pour syrup
on them for a change.
- Vegas.
- Vegas!
- Yeah!
Nina, we're going to Vegas
to eat pancakes
off of strippers.
- Get Kurt and Tony.
You'll thank me later.
How dare you tell Simon
we shouldn't move in together.
You call him right now
and tell him you were wrong.
- No and don't put
me in the middle.
It's very dodgy being
chums with a bird
that my mate is rogering.
Hello?
Simon, great, Nina's here.
You two can clear this up.
- No, no, I don't
wanna talk to him.
- Simon, Nina's really pissed.
No, not pissed as in drunk,
pissed as in mad.
Well, maybe both.
He says he never
meant to hurt you.
- Hm, and yet he did.
- And yet you did.
He says you two
have a lovely future.
- Yeah, well then why didn't
you want to live with me?
- Why didn't you
want to live with me?
I agree with Jack.
There's no reason to rush things
when you plan on being
with someone forever.
- Forever, do you mean that?
- Of course.
Nina, I love you.
When I hold you in my arms,
it's like living in a dream I
never wanna wake up from.
- Simon.
- She just kissed me.
He wants me to
fondle your breasts.
Maybe you better just
talk to him in person.
- I think that's a good idea.
- Tell Simon that kiss
didn't affect me at all.
Liar.
- He's right.
The vibration does feel good.
♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you
♪ Keeps bringing me home
♪ It don't matter
what I wanna do
♪ 'Cause it's got
a mind of its own
♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you