Just Shoot Me! (1997–2003): Season 6, Episode 4 - Bye Bye Binnie - full transcript

When Nina's long-time friend passes away, she finds it hard to cope with the loss. At first, she avoids the whole issue. Later, she can't separate herself from Binnie's ashes and takes the ...

- Dennis.

Good morning, how you feeling?

- Much better, thank you.

- It's good to have you back.

Confirm my meeting with
the Vera Wang people.

- You got it.

Wednesday at two.

Confirmation complete.

- Hey, uh, who said that?

- That's right, you
haven't met the egg.

This is exciting.

Allow me to introduce
the Executive Egg.

It's a voice-activated
wireless computer.

It can do everything,
even schedule meetings

and return calls.

- Well, that's all
well and good,

but if it can't do paperwork...

- Amazingly, it can!

- Well, I'm back now, so...

- So you'll work together.

I love this thing.

It's like having my very
own pocket size miracle.

- That's what we
used to call me.

- Morning, Nina.

- Good God, woman,
there's no need to shout.

I'm standing right here.

- Hey, Nina.

- No, you shrill bastard!

- Morning, Nina.

- Good morning, Jack.

- So what happened
to you last night?

- My friend Binnie
insisted we go

to a pagan fertility ritual.

It was quite a
night of debauchery.

I don't know how
anyone showed up

for the pagan 10K this morning.


- Well, I had quite
the weekend myself.

I switched out my summer
and winter wardrobes.

It's staggering
how many sweaters

one person can accumulate.

- I think you put
the egg to sleep.

- Ah.

- It seems my friend Binnie...

- Oh, my friend
Binnie, my friend Binnie.

- My friend Binnie can
chew through metal.

- My friend Binnie
can't eat soup.

- Give it a rest, we're
sick of hearing about

your drunken slutty
stupid friend Binnie.

- My friend Binnie is dead.

- Heaven got an angel today.

- I hate funerals.

It just seems to
show the futility of life.

I mean, what's it
all mean, you know?

- Do you think
they'll serve lunch?

- God, I hope so, I'm starving.

Hey, Nina.

Aw, we were worried about you.

- Nina, we're so
sorry about Binnie.

- Yes, yes, she's very dead.

- Are you sure you're okay?

- Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

I'm sure I'll find a new best
friend by the end of the day.

Maya, you're a long shot,
but I'm not ruling you out.

- For the last
time, I like the egg.

- But I want you
to love the egg.

- Okay, I love the egg.

- What do you
love most about it?

- Ugh.

Hey, Nina.

- Oh, Nina.

Nina, I know this
funeral is going to be

very difficult for you.

- Oh, that is so sweet.

But I'm not going.

- You're not going?

- It conflicts with my massage.

- Are you serious?

- I am mourning
her in my own way.

I took her appointment.

- If she's not going,
then we all should not go.

- Dennis!

- It'll give me nightmares.

- Mommy said you sang
in front of the whole class.

Daddy is so proud
of you, Hannah.

Honey, listen, I
want you to know

I think about you all the time.

You're so important to me.

I'm kissing you.

- That is enough, sir!

- We'll talk later, sweetie.

- Sweetie, it's just
an egg, you freak.

- Dennis, get a grip, I
was talking to Hannah.

- Oh, right, I put her through.

Dennis, what's going on?

Are you actually
threatened by the egg?

- Yeah, I think so, I
mean, I miss one day,

and you got this thing
taking over my job.

- I'm not replacing you.

- Well, it's not just that.

I kind of feel like all my
friends are passing me by.

And they're kids.

I was thinking about
going back to college.

- You don't need college.

You just got your
foot in the door here.

Be patient, you'll
work your way up.

- I've been here 10 years.

- No.

- Yes.

- Son of a bitch.

- I know.

So I figure I go
to college at night.

I could study during lunch.

- Well, if this is
what you need to do,

then I support your decision.

- All right, now it's
just a matter of finance.

You know, there's always the
Gallo Foundation Scholarship.

- That's a great idea!

It was intended for Blush
employees and their families.

You certainly qualify.

- Yeah, as an employee

or family?

- Dennis, you have real parents.

- Real stupid parents.

- Hi, Nina.

Everybody missed
you at the funeral.

- Oh, this is kind
of a bad time.

- We really need to talk.

- Elliot, I am
three circles away

from finishing the Word Jumble.

- This is much more
important than the Jumble.

- Okay, let me put this
in perspective for you.

I've been working on
this for 5 1/2 months.

- Nina, please.

- Look, Elliot, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,

but I am dealing with
Binnie's death in my own way.

- You're not
dealing with it at all.

- And that's my way.

- That's not good enough.

There she is, Nina.

There's what's left of Binnie.

- She'd had so much
work done, I'm surprised

they didn't melt her
down and make crayons.

- Your best friend wants
you to have her ashes,

and that's all you have to say?

- All right, I'm sorry, Elliot,
but what is the protocol

in a situation like this?

Should I laugh, should I cry,

should I rub her
and make a wish?

- You know you're
not angry at me.

- Well, then why do
I wanna punch you

in your big stupid head?

- You're angry at Binnie.

- Why would I be
angry at Binnie?

I mean, just because
she traded my Prada jacket

for directions to the track?

- That's it, Nina, let it out.

- Or because the idiot died
holding keys in her mouth

while riding a mechanical bull?

- Give it to the urn!

- You are so selfish.

Always thinking about yourself.

Well, you know what you are?

You're a showoff.

A smug, self-absorbed showoff.

And look where it got you!

- Nowhere, that's
where it got her.

- Shut up, Elliot, this is
between me and Binnie.

- You're doing great.

- Get out!

- How could you
give this to Finch?

The Gallo Scholarship
is my responsibility.

- I don't know why you're
getting so worked up.

Somebody's gotta get
that scholarship money.

Why not Dennis?

- Because we both know
he'll just spend it on candy.

And I've already selected
a worthwhile candidate,

Milo Visnujik, his
grandmother Eva

works in the
janitorial department.

- Visnujik, what
kind of name is that?

It doesn't sound very American.

- Dad, this kid is brilliant.

The least you could
do is talk to him.

- Fine, we'll
interview them both.

- Thank you.

- And that way I can meet
your little foreign fellow,

and you can see just how
serious Dennis is about this.

- Oh, please, I'm
sure he's forgotten

about this college thing by now.

- Hey, guys, check
out my new backpack.

It's sporty

and has a secret
compartment just for candy.

- Sorry I'm late.

- Hey, Nina, how you doing?

- Much better.

And I wanna thank
you all for your concern.

I think I'm gonna be okay now.

- We had a little talk.

- I realize that Binnie
will always be with me.

- That's so healthy, Nina.

- Binnie.

This is a staff meeting.

You don't mind if Binnie
sits in on the meeting,

do you, Jack?

- Well, I, uh, no, I guess.

- Doesn't she look great?

I had her cleaned,
she was so dusty.

- Let the minutes
reflect that Nina

has put a dead
person on the table.

- Okay, why don't I start?

I'd like to do a
piece on the stigma

attached to being a
virgin in today's society.

- What a priss.

- It's called Virgin

- I usually tune out about now.

- Dad, do something.

- Yes, of course,
this is absurd.

- Egg, get me a list
of grief counselors.

We can't have the
staff talking to urns.

- Don't worry, that
doesn't apply to us, pencil.

Maya, that's a lovely scarf.

- Thank you.

But it would look
much better on Binnie.

Do you mind?

- It was a gift.

- Yes, I'm sure it was.

- Nina, maybe you and I
should have another little talk.

- Uh, maybe some
other time, Elliot,

but Binnie and I
are having lunch

with some Japanese businessmen.

- Why, why don't we all go?

We can stop at that
new theme restaurant

where the waiters
dress like doctors

and they serve the
appetizers in little Dixie cups.

- Maybe some other time.

They're just expecting
Binnie and me.

- Binnie took my scarf.

Hey, Finch, I'd like
you to meet Milo.

He's also applying
for the scholarship.

- Mm, I'm Jack's best friend.

You have no chance.

- Oh, win or lose, I'm just
happy to have free soda.

- I had four today.

Oh, wait, three, I poured
one down the drain.

Dennis, Maya, can
you come on in?

- This will just take a second.

- Don't touch my stuff, Yacov.

- Dennis, my boy, what
do you say we get right to it?

- The sooner we get this done,

the sooner I can matriculate.

That means go to school.

- I know.

- Now that I told you.

- Okay.

Um, why don't you tell us

why you want to go to college.

- Good question, Maya,
and thank you for asking.

I think it's time
to push myself.

Time to grow up, see
what I'm capable of.

- I want to make the
world a better place.

- And if I could have a
confab with a switched-on coed

while playing
with her belly ring,

that'd be cool, too.

- Any community service?

- Reading to the blind,
feeding the homeless,

and volunteering at Hospice.

- Mm, no, nothing comes to mind.

- What are your
career aspirations?

- I'm going to be mediator
for United Nations.

- I have no idea.

But there's a pretty good chance

I'll wind up an astronaut.

- Finch, I noticed you didn't
hand in the essay portion

of the interview,
not that it matters.

- Oh, no, I did it.

I got it.

It was, um...

It was about how good
college is and I like it

and I wanna go and all that.

It was all spaced out.

- And so I do this not for
me, but for my grandmother,

who left behind everything

so that I could
have a better life.

I, Milo Visnujik, will graduate.

I will show her that
dreams can come true.

- Quite an essay,
don't you think, Dad?

- Maya, give me a minute.

- Hey, you wanted to see me?

- Have a seat.

It's about the scholarship.

- Hey, check this out,
I got another backpack

for when I wear me brown shoes.

- Dennis, I'm giving
Milo the scholarship.

- Whoa, whoa, you told me...

- I, I, I know, but
if you just heard

about his grandmother
and her dream.

He's doing it all
for her, Dennis.

Bet she doesn't even know.

- And what about my dreams?

- Ah, yes, the astronaut thing.

Well, there's always next year.

- Next year, I gotta do it now

while I still fit
in with the kids.

- I'm sorry, but my
mind's made up.

Look, if it'll make
you feel any better,

I'll get rid of the egg.

- No, I know how much
it means to you, forget it.

- Ah, thank God,
as soon as I said it,

I had this sinking
feeling in my stomach.

- Oh, what a night.

The two amigos are back.

- You carried Binnie
around all night?

- Well, it's difficult to
walk without legs, Elliot.

Hello, she lives in an urn.

- Yes, lives, um,
that's the thing.

- Oh, what a night.

It was just like old times.

We danced, we sang.

Binnie got passed around.

- You do know you're
supposed to scatter these ashes.

- Yeah, maybe after Fleet Week.

She does love the sailors.

- It was her last wish, Nina.

- Yeah, maybe my wish is
that she have no last wish.

I mean, whose wish
is more important?

I know, let's see a
show of hands, Binnie?

Hmm, I win.

- Nina, you have to let go.

- You just don't get it!

She is my best friend, and
this is all I have left of her,

and I am not
letting her go, I...

Oh, my God.

- What?

- Oh.

- Oh.

- It's empty, I...

I must've cracked it
when I, when I put her back

on the mechanical bull.

- It'll be okay.

- No, it won't be okay,
she is gone, Elliot.

She's really gone.

- Hey, man, can I
borrow some money?

- What do you need?

- 36,000 bucks.

- I got 12.

- I'll take it.

Mrs. Visnujik.


- I'm Dennis Finch.

- Yes, I know who you are.

You are always
get jelly on carpet.

- Yes, so you know my work.

- What do you want?

- Listen, I know it's your
dream for your grandson Milo

to go to college, but

perhaps there's another
dream you haven't considered.

After all, you're not
just a grandmother.

You're also a woman.


if you persuaded Milo
not to go to college

and take the scholarship...

You could have
four years of this.

- What were you thinking?

- You only ever hear
about the bad stuff.

- Dennis, you propositioned a
62-year-old cleaning woman.

- Well, she was flirting
her ass off with me.

You've seen how
she is out there.

- Shut up!
- She was all over...

- Shut up!

- I just really
wanna go to college.

- Stop saying that.

- I do, it's true.

Without an education,

this body's all I have.

- Dennis, the idea that you
would debase yourself like this

is a little unsettling to me.

- I know, I'm sorry.

- But I guess it also proves

how much you
wanna go to college.

- What are you saying?

- I'm gonna pay for
you to go to college.

- Yeah!

Oh, my God, that
is awesome, Jack.

You are awesome, I am awesome.

- You should start by
taking an English class.

- I will, Jack, I'll take
an awesome one.

- But here's the deal.

You want an education,
you're gonna have to work.

I'm gonna be on top of
you every step of the way.

You slack off, and you're
gonna have to answer to me.

- Like a real father.

- This is gonna be
a long four years.

- Make it five, let's
not set the bar too high.

Nina, we know you're in there.

Your front door was wide open.

And your key was in the lock.

Can we come in?

- Okay, everyone except Elliot.

He just upsets me.

- Oh, Nina.

- 30 years I knew Binnie,

and I have nothing
to show for it,

not even a picture.

At least having her
ashes made me feel like

she was still with me somehow,

and now I don't even have those.

- She'll always
be in your heart.

- Why is he still here?

- Elliot, stop provoking her.

- Why's she getting mad
at me, I'm just trying...

- Just be quiet!

- Look, maybe you
should all leave.

I'm really not very
good company right now.

- Oh, no, no, no, we're
not going anywhere

till we get you all prettied up.

The first step to feeling
good is looking good.

- You don't get it,
I'm all alone now.

- You're not all alone
now, we're your friends.

- Well, but not the
same was Binnie was.

She was always there for me.

- We can be there for you.

- All pretty.

- Okay, okay, so then you
wouldn't mind if I called you

at three in the
morning to go clubbing?

- No, I won't mind.

- And what if I needed
you to spend all day with me

just to find the
perfect red lipstick?

- We're there.

- And what if I
wanted you to take

one of these pills with me?

- I'll take the pills.

- Really?
- Yes.

If it'll prove to you
that I'm you're friend.

- It, it will, it really will.

- We'll all take the pills.

- Egg, cancel my
meetings for tomorrow.

- I should take half,
I'm going to college.

- God, this means so much to me.

- What are they?

- Diphenylhydrazine.

- What do they do?

- I'm not sure, they're new.

- Well, here goes nothing.

- Oh, stop, you
don't have to do this.

- What?

- You know, just the
fact that you're willing

shows me that you
really care about me.

- Yes.
- Of course
we care about you.

- Yeah, we love you.

- You're our Nina.

- Wait, wait, we all said
we were gonna take them,

and I took them, so you have
to take them, so take them!

- Elliot, the important
thing is I know

you're my good friend.

- That's not the
important thing.

What's gonna happen to me?

- Well, I'm sure they're safe.

- Really?

- Well, sure, I mean,
look, they're pink.

- Well, mine was green.

- Oh, then we're in
for a long four days.

- I had something
to do tomorrow.

♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you

♪ Keeps bringing me home

♪ It don't matter
what I wanna do

♪ 'Cause it's got
a mind of its own

♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you