Just Shoot Me! (1997–2003): Season 6, Episode 15 - Blind Ambition - full transcript

Maya dates an obnoxious blind man who thinks his disability makes it okay to be rude. Finch takes a class in T.V. broadcasting and helps produce a show where he surprises his guests by attacking them.

- Dennis, these
grades all stink.

They're C's and D's,

and an F, which
you changed to an E.

- Hey, I earned that E.

- When I said I'd
pay for your tuition,

we agreed that you'd
take this seriously,

and work as hard as you could.

- Hey man, I never
asked for that money.

- Yes you did.

- Oh yeah.

But it's not about the money.

- Yes it is.

- Oh yeah.

- Dennis, you made
a promise to me.

- Well, these classes
have so much stuff to hear.

It's "write this down" and

"study this thing" and
"learn this therium".

What the hell's a therium, Jack?

I think I'm in over my head.

- Maybe you shouldn't be
taking advanced astrophysics.

- But I wanna be a space man.

- Ancient Greek architecture?

- I want my spaceships
to have columns.

Listen, I just signed up
for the first five classes

I saw in the catalog.

I'm telling you, I don't
know what I'm doing.

- Okay, Dennis, I think
we need to have a little talk.

- Oh man, this sucks.

- It doesn't have to suck.

I'll help you with this.

Tell me what
you're interested in,

and together we'll find a
course that you'll enjoy.

Well, what do you like to do?

- I like to watch TV.

- Anything else?

- Nope.

- Okay, TV, let's see.

Oh, I know, why not take a
course in television production.

- I said I like watching TV.

- Well you're gonna have
to make some sacrifices.

You could take a
course in anything.

In lighting or in sound.

- Or in becoming a star.

- Sure.

You can be a star of
lighting or of sound.

It all starts with
taking the class.

- Wow, for the first
time, I'm realizing that

college isn't just a bunch
of dumb educational crap.

No, no.

No, it's a star machine.

Bigger than Hollywood.

What does Meg Ryan
have that I don't have?

- Just take the class Dennis.

- Excuse me.

- Oh, can I help you?

- Oh yes, is Nina here?

- Oh, you must be Jay,
Nina mentioned you.

I'm her friend Maya.

- Oh hi, well it's nice
to meet you Maya.

- It's nice to meet you too.

- Get lost, you sick
pathetic bastard.

- Nina!

- Nina, I would like to
talk about last night...

- No, no, no, no, no.

No more talking.

We are through talking.

And dancing and drinking
and shoe shopping.

- Nina please.

- You know, I wish I
could take it all back.

In fact, you know what?

I am taking it back.

Now, give me those shoes.

- What? Nina.

Stop it.

- Ow!

Nina, I paid for those.

- Yeah, but I picked 'em out,

and now I'm taking 'em back.

- Are you insane?

- I know it's difficult
to date someone

who's differently abled,

but I'm sure if we
just were able to talk,

we could work
out our differences.

- Ah fine.

Keep the other one.

I'm exhausted.

- Are you alright?

- Uh, that all depends,
how's my hair?

- Your hair is good.

- Oh then, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Mind helping me up?

- What is her problem?

- Oh well, I think her
specific problem here is that

last night she asked
how old I thought she was,

and I think I may have
guessed a little high.

- Ooh.

I'm very sorry about that.

- Oh, that's alright.

You know, I think, really,
she's just becoming frustrated

with my special needs, you know?

- Oh, that's awful.

- Oh well.

So, would you
like to go to dinner?

- What?

- Well, to be honest with you,

you're the first women I've met

that I really feel
comfortable with

since I broke up with Nina.

- You're kidding, right?

- Well yes, but you do seem
like an awfully nice person.

Very understanding.

So, what do you say to
dinner, you know, huh?

I'm told I'm quite attractive.

- Alright, I'll go with you.

- Oh great, okay great, great.

And then after dinner
maybe we can go to a movie.

- Oh, you don't have to go to
a movie just because of me.

- Oh no, that's
alright, you know,

I enjoy a lot of the same
things that sighted people do.

I mean, art galleries,
slide shows, even sunsets.

- Hmm, really?

- No, of course not, I'm blind.

But I do enjoy movies.

- Hey Jack, I enrolled in
that TV production class.

I pitched an idea for a show,

and they're gonna let me
do it on the campus station.

- Dennis, I've always told you,

if you put your mind to
it, you can do anything.

- You never told me that.

- You're right,
I told it to Elliot.

You keep up the good work, you.

- Hey, so what's
this show about?

- It's called "Finch Attack".

- Uh huh.

- It's an interview show.

Each week I attack a topic
with an interesting guest.

- Wow, that sounds great.

- And I want my
first guest to be you.

- Really?

- Yeah, I can "Finch Attack"
you about photography.

- Okay.

- Find out your influences.

- I do have a lot to offer.

- Oh butt loads, dude.

- You know, and it is
an artists' responsibility

to share his vision with
the next generation...

- Yeah, save it for the show.

Alright team, it's magic time.

- The 3/4" locked and loaded.

- Great, great, great.

- Ah, this is Nicholas.

He and Terry run the studio.

- It's nice to meed
you Mr. DiMauro.

- We're big fans.

- Oh yeah, that's great.

I just hope the little
that I have to share

helps you kids.

- Enough chit chat,
let's do a show.

- One, two, three, Finch!

- Yeah, nice touch.

- Have a seat.

Steady, settle.

Roll tape.

Get your mic on.

Cue music.

And we are live
in five, four, three...

- Welcome to "Finch Attack",

a weekly discussion
of interesting topics,

with interesting people.

Here's your host, Denniiiiiii...

Iiss Finch.

- Welcome.

Welcome to "Finch Attack".

I'm your host Dennis Finch,

and today we'll be
talking to Elliot DiMauro.

Fashion photographer,
art photographer,

and personal friend of mine.

Welcome Elliot.

- Well, thanks for having me.

- Elliot, you've obviously
been a successful,

and influential photographer.

But tell me, who influences you?

- I've always been moved
by the photographers of

the Farm Security
Administration of the 30's.

Dorothea Lange, Walker Evans,

and later Gordon Parks.

- Yes, yes, fascinating.

Tell me, there's so
many cameras out there,

from $20 to $20,000.

Am I right?

But, eh, tell me...

Do you need a $20,000
camera to take a good picture?

- Well, I'm gonna let
ya in on a little secret.

Good pictures don't
come from good cameras,

they come from
good photographers.

- Ahh, that's good, that's good.

Elliot, I have one
more question for you.

- Shoot.

- How do you
feel... Finch Attack!

Elliot DiMauro, you've
been Finch Attacked!

- Finch Attack!

- Let go of me!

- Alright.

Well that's all the
time we have this week.

We'll see you next week
on another episode of...

- "Finch Attack"!

- That moroccan
restaurant was great.

- Oh good.

You know, I may be a total
loser when it comes to seeing,

but I know a good
restaurant when I smell one.

- You have such
a great attitude.

- You know, I just try to
think of my eyes as a blessing.

They keep me from
getting wrapped up

in all the superficial stuff.

Although I gotta say,
I'm really into clothes.

- It's getting dark.

- Oh, welcome to my world.

So, what's going on?

What's happening on the screen?

Um, well it's a
nostalgia shot of the city.

I think maybe Seattle.

- Uh uh.

Is it raining, because
I think I hear rain?

No, that's a sprinkler.

- Oh, a sprinkler?

Well, where's that?

Well, it's a shot of
a high school now,

and the sprinkler's
right in front.

- A high school?

Well, what happened
to the city, we were...

Can you please keep it down?

- Ooh I hear a car.

Oh, is it a '69 Barracuda?

- It's a '65 Corvette,
now please stop talking.

- I am not talking.

I am seeing with my mouth.

- I'm sorry, he's blind,

he can't see what's happening.

- I know what blind is.

I just wanna watch
the movie that I paid for.

- Oh really.

It must be nice
to watch a movie.

But that, sir, is a
luxury I will never know.

- You're an ass!

- Oh am I? Am I?

Well sorry I didn't meet
up to your high standards,

mister "sees everything
without too much problem".

Oh shhh, shhh,


Look, you may silence me,
but I will not be quiet, alright?

You sighted people
are so arrogant.

Well, I'm wanna
tell you something,

I am proud of my two
useless orbs of darkness.

At least I can see what it's
lie to hurt someone's feelings.

Yes, yes, I am glad that
god plucked out my eyeballs,

and then trampled them
beneath his giant hiking boots,

and then crammed the useless
wreckage back into my skull.

- Jay, everyone's gone.

- Oh.

I can't say as I blame them.

This sprinkler movie sucks.

Come on, let's go.

- Hey, there's
my favorite costar.

- You get away from me.

- Awe come on.

You were awesome man.

And you went out of there
before you could get your

souvenir t-shirt.

- You expect me to wear this?

You totally humiliated me.

- Just for a little bit.

Besides, I think
I might get an A.

- Yeah, well, I'll
give you an A.

An "a" for "ass".

I tried to be a friend to you,

and help you out, and
you stab me in the back?

- I thought you'd understand.

I thought you, of all
people, would understand

what it's like to be passionate.

- Oh please!

- Yeah, yeah.

Come on.

Think of how you felt the
first time you took a picture

of some stupid flower
or some dumb model.

Don't you see?

Dumping crap all over you,
makes me feel like an artist.

- You expect me to
sympathize with that?

- Elliot, I finally
found what I love.

And I'm good at it.

For once in my life, I
feel good about me.

- Oh man, I can't believe

I'm thinking about
forgiving you right now.

- I can.

Because we're just two
artists getting each other.

So listen, you wanna
help me nail Nina?

- Nina?

- Yeah.

I'm lining her up
for the next show.

And I want you to
come down to the studio,

and help me "Finch Attack".

- Nina, now that's funny.

- Alright, awesome.

- Alright man.

- Alright way, one last thing.

- What?

- Before you come down,

put a little powder on the dome.

Terry said he's getting
a kick of the "B" cam.

- Alright.

- So, how did it go
with Jay last night?

- Oh great, I think we're
going to see each other again.

- Really?

No outburst, no angry blind
man, foot stomping, baby crying?

- There was a little
incident at a movie theater.

- I knew it, I knew it.

And did he mention
god's giant hiking boots?

- People are insensitive to him.

- Jay is a jackass.

And the only reason that
you're staying with him

is because he's blind.

- And the only reason
why you broke up with him

is because he's blind.

Alright Maya, let me
tell you something.

I have dated at least
a dozen blind men.

- Really?

- Yeah, I don't know why,

but they tend to
be excellent lovers.

I think maybe it's because

there's no blood
rushing to their eyes,

and it tends to go to
all the other parts of...

- Oh that's ridiculous.

Oh my god.

I'm not denying that
Jay has some issues.

And that they
sometimes gush out in

horrible, graphic
streams of hate.

But I am not going
to give up on him.

I am going to work through
these things with him.

- Well, good luck.

Oh look, he's feeling his
way over here right now.

- Maya?

- Hi Jay, I'm right here.

- Oh hi.

- Hi.

- Nina?

Come on Nina, it's either
you or an open bottle of vodka.

- It was gin.

Haha, joke's on you.

- I wanna talk to you.

There's a chair right there.

- Oh okay, sure.

What's up?

- It's about the incident
at the movie theater.

- Uh huh.

- Um, don't you think that

you share some of the
responsibility for what happened?

- Hmm, maybe, you know.

Yeah, you know, I don't
know what I've been thinking.

In fact, I owe
everyone an apology.

Excuse me, uh, fellow citizens.

Sorry if my blindness has
inconvenienced anybody.

- This is ridiculous.

You see?

- No I can't.

- Look...
- Wish I could but...

- Oh, just listen.

Look Jay, the world is
filled with insensitive people,

and there are good people too.

People who care, people who
understand, people like me.

Gosh, don't shut us out.

- Alright.

Okay, maybe I've
been a little intolerant.

- Hmm, just a little.

- Yeah.

And you know,

I'm really sorry about
wrecking our date last night.

- No, no, no.

- I did, I wrecked
it, I know that.

And I hope you'll give
me another chance.

Is that possible?

Maybe we could just
watch a movie at your place?

- I'd like that.

- Yeah?

Great, you are so understanding.

- Hey, maybe we
could get a French film,

and I could do an
accent and make it...

Very, very...

- You know, I'll get
the movie, it's fine.

- Look what I brought, huh?

Make a little Nina sundae.

- That's nice.

But about that,
Nina dropped out.

- What?

- But don't worry, I got
another guest, a better one.

- Dennis, where do I sit?

- Right here, right
here Jack, next to me.

- Elliot, what are
you doing here?

- Uh, uh...

- Elliot was on the last show,

so he has the honor of
introducing the next guest,

which is you.

Terry, can you mic him up?

- Mic him up?

You sound like a college man.

- You can't just
do a Jack attack.

- It's not a Jack attack,
it's a Finch Attack, on Jack.

- I don't care
what it is, it's crazy.

- Jack's an
important guy alright.

This is really promotable.

I gotta pull out all the stops,

I'm up against "Will and Grace".

- You're losing your mind.

- Am I?

Or maybe I'm becoming
the biggest television star

you've ever seen.

- Okay, let's do this.

- Alright, let's settle in.

Roll tape.

Cue music.

And we are live
in five, four, three...

Welcome to Finch Attack,

a weekly discussion
of interesting topics,

with interesting people.

And here's your
host, Dennis Finch.


Today we'll be attacking a
very important, special guest,

Mr. Jack Gallo, publisher
of Blush Magazine.

- Pleasure to be here.

- Thank you.

First of all, I'd love to know,

who have been some of
your greatest inspirations?

- Mmm.

Well, certainly
the great families

of publishing through history.

The Gannon's, the
Garner's, the Wheatley's.

- Finch, don't do it.

- Shh, quiet.

- Why is he talking?

- I don't know, don't mind him.

Now tell our audience, darn it,

how do you make a magazine?

- The first thing
you need is capital.

To acquire capital...
Finch Attack!

- Finch Attack!

So what do you think?

- I told you, when
you do what you love,

it won't feel like work.

- Thanks Jack.

I finally feel like a
student, a serious student.

- You know, you should
remember to thank Elliot.

He's been a pretty good sport.

- I will, I will.

And do you think I
could get him back here

for a third week?

- If you do, you're a genius.

Now, where's that whip cream?


- More wine?

- Yes please.

- There.

- Thank you.

- Oh.

- Thank you for that too.

So, are you ready
for that movie?

- Oh, okay, here we go.

Oh, it's a castle on the Moors.

- Ooh, that sounds chilly.

- It's gray and foggy.

- Uh huh.

- A weary traveler is riding
a horse toward the castle.

- Big guy, a small guy?

- Yeah, he's big, I'd
guess about six feet.

He's rather dashing.

Now he's knocking at the door.

- Well, I can hear that.

- Oh right.

Oh a princess is
coming to the door.

- Uh huh.

Is she attractive?

- She's pretty.

She's wearing a
beautiful floor-length gown.

Now she's helping the
traveler out of his coat.

- Yeah.

- He seems really weary.

Oh, she must be
his wife or something,

because now she's
helping him out of his pants.

Oh my god.

- What, what, what...

What is he on top of
her, what's going on?

- Oh my god!

- What, what...
Are they doing it?

How big are her cans, come on?

- This is a dirty movie.

- Yeah, yeah.

Now how big are her cans?

What's her ass like?

Good ass?

Has he got a big thing?

- Oh, oh!

This is dis... I
can't believe this.

- Don't stop.

Don't stop.

I can't see for myself, come on.

- This is disgusting Jay.

- Oh come on.

You were rubbing
all up against me,

you were good to go.

- Oh you are out of here mister.

- Oh, this isn't fair.

- No, you are leaving here.

I never want to see you again.

- Oh come on.

- Door's right here.

Nina was right about you.

You are a jerk.

- Look, I'm sorry that I
can't be perfect for you.

But god stole my eyes,

so that makes
things a little difficult.

- Oh no.

The problem with you
is not that you are blind.

It is that you are a
self righteous pervert.

Now the steps are
twelve paces to the right,

and I never wanna see you again.

And look out,

because I am going to
slam the door on your face.

- What?

- Could you return this to Nina?