Joan of Arcadia (2003–2005): Season 2, Episode 11 - Dive - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Hey, girlfriend.

I'm so bored!

When can we get outta here?

Judith ?!

What are you doing...

alive ?

Waiting for you.

Come on.

Joanith can be together all day.

You know you want to.

I have to work, Judith.

Don't be scared, Jo-Jo.

Come on.

Oh great...

Another chance for us to feel like a sub-defective.

Fighting over balls, adding muscle mass for no socially productive use...

it's an evolutionary anomaly.

Friedman tried gymnastics.

Yeah, and almost lost his jewels on the vault.

Ha ha. Where is he, anyway?

He's on a cruise with his family,

celebrating his grandmother's new kidney.

Hey, guys.


Oh, um... listen, Fran called and she said that they finished Judith's headstone.

I told her I'd see if any of you wanted to come along.


I'm sorry.

Judith would just think that's lame.

What, going to look at a rock?

Well, it's up to you.

We're going to the cemetery Thursday after school.

I can drive anyone who's interested.


Thank you.


Oh, come on,

don't you think that's dumb?

Meet you after school?

You'd better.

See you later.

Oh, yeah, later.

Hi, Joan.

Who's that ?

Do girls always hit on you with that look?

Oh, they do.

Hitting on God?

That's gross.

I'd like you to do something that scares you.

Uh...lots of things scare me.

You, actually.

You scare me.

Can we be a little bit more specific?

For me, that's pretty specific.

And I still can't ask why.

You can ask...


Tommy Belkin.

I'm captain of the diving team.

You can call me captain Tommy.

You interested in diving?

One meter low board ?

Three meter high board ?

Springboard ?


Capitain Tommy...

I was watching the Olympics, you know,

as I flipped my way to MTV cribs...

um, so, tell me, is the high board still really...

high ?

Are you kidding me.

Really high?

I'm sorry.

Excuse me!

Are we playing twister?

Oh, you look so nice.

Is that a new sweater?

And a litre of cologne?

Oh, I smell romance.

Someone's in a disturbingly good mood.

Gotta enjoy the good days.

Who bathed in Drakkar?

Said "apply liberally."

Pardon me for following directions.

Kevin has a date with Beth tonight.



Makes it so much easier than talking for myself.

Oh, what's with you and the diving team?

Coach Keady mentioned she saw your name on the try-out list.

You're trying out for diving?

Yes, I am trying out for diving.

But you're afraid of heights.

Mom, do you want me to be scared for the rest of my life?

If you have vertigo, you can lose your balance,


hit your head.

Helen !

The school shouldn't allow something that dangerous.

Good for you, sweetheart.

Luke, you should do it, too.

You loved diving when we used to go to that pool in Farrington.


Luke in a Speedo...

They don't make enough blindfolds.

Dad, you're thinking of me.

Luke was terrified.


No, actually,

I was just afraid I'd never be as good as you.

You should get back into it.

He's not interested.

We're just talking.

Haven't we all had enough to deal with lately?

Jumping a thousand feet into a puddle is ridiculous.

Actually, mom, they replaced the puddle with a swimming pool

because kids were getting muddy.

You, of all people, should understand caution.

All right.

Mom, it's just diving, ok?

See ya.

Don't want to be late for my...

lion tamer's club.

So, guy's a street dealer.

Narcs set up a sting, arrest him.


On a hunch, they give him the location of Judith Montgomery's murder

and the type of X.

Offer him a deal in case he has anything.

He describes a guy he knows.

You're saying he identified the same guy Ryan Peters did?

To the birthmark on his cheek.

Joey Edwards.

Street level dealer.

Narcs know him.

Did he catch ya up?

Well, it just got better.

The guy's been a-wall since the girl's murder.

I'll get a warrant, send a couple of uniforms to bag his apartment.

If I can get your ok.

Oh, gee, let me think...


I think I'll be giving you a blank check on this.

So the woman...

I mean, she's maybe, I don't know,

5 foot, 90 pounds...

heaves the chair at this giant of a guy who's cheating on her

and hits him right in the temple,

and he just loses it.

So if it wasn't for the guys restraining him...


Why are we talking about the Jerry Springer show?

Modern day David and Goliath.

Look, it's about courage and our overwhelming need to confront odds.

So shouldn't there be a part where David's mother tells him how dangerous it's gonna be?

Where's the part that urges caution?

It's like the bible was written by Johnny Knoxville.

You like jackass, too?

Did you see the one where Steve-o,

he put chicken in his pants and alligators were snapping at him and he was... oh.


We're not riffing on this one now, are we?

We just buried one of Joan's friends.

I can't see Kevin getting in a car without thinking about...



does God put kids in harm's way?

Why would he do that?

Hey, why does he always put a cigarette machine in front of me when I'm trying to stop?

Look, Helen, the truth is we never get out of school.

There's always another test that we're afraid we'll fail.

It's...natural to be a little pissed at the teacher.

So we got home from the bat mitzvah.

She drags out the photo album

and gets totally hammered while narrating the complete Polonsky family history,

starting in Poland.

I heard her even through the headphones in my room.

I don't know how you put up with that.

She's my mother.

Like I have a choice?

Isn't that what your bat mitzvah was all about...

taking responsibility?

You don't wanna go there, dude.

Of all people, I think you would have the courage to make her get help!

What are you so afraid of?

What the hell do you know about courage, dude?

You hide in your head.

You're obsessed with science and formulas and mind games so that you don't really have to live.

Have you ever taken a risk ever?


the most you're ever gonna be is a pathetic science teacher who never really went for what he really wanted.


Feel the pain, miss Figliola?

Definitely do.

Higher, miss Girardi.

This isn't gym class.

I can punt you outta here on a whim.




Siiiiiiiiix !

and relax.

Hey, you want a stomach like this, you're looking at 200 of those a day,

not to mention sit-ups.

I think I'll do...

most of mine at home, that way...

when I get here, I'll only have a few left.

Can I help you, Mr. Girardi?

Yeah, I'd like to try out for the team, if I'm not too late.

You are.

Go away.

Clamp it, female Girardi.

He's totally copying me!

I am not!

Oh...sibling rivalry.

Healthy motivator.

The Williams sisters, the Carpenters, Donnie and Marie...

not so much.

Grab a spot on the floor, Mr. Girardi.

Hey !

you !

You're going down!

Ok, dive rolls.

10 of 'em.

Find a clear path.


1...2... Keady...

I'm stuck...

Do you want to finish mine?

Mm-mm. If I eat any more grease, I'll be flammable.

So how's school going?


I mean, as great as studying economic structure using linear algebra can be.

Um, I'm really glad you wanted to come eat...

bad food with me.

Me too.

You know, I, um...

I stared at the phone for, like, an hour before I called you.


Is it...

Of course not.

How could you even go there? is the one big thing that's changed since we were together.

I mean, I'd...

I'd understand...

Kevin, it's been 2 years.

I can't just pick up like it was yesterday.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

I thought that maybe this was...

uh... a date.

Maybe I thought it was a date, too.

I just need time.

Before the water evaporates, miss Girardi.

I can't !

It's ok, Jo-Jo.

So, you gonna dive, or what?


Now you're gonna get on me about this, too?

Just let yourself go.

You can do it.

No !

Stop it !

Stop it !

I can't !

Stop !

Please stop it !

Don't !

I can't !

I can't do it !
Please stop!

Who knew I'd love the narcs?

They found our guy.


His supplier.

Vladimir Karpovich.

They're waiting to take him down to see if he gave them someone higher up the food chain.

But we're taking him now because he'll lead us to where Edwards is.

Couple of narcs are outside his place waiting for us.

What ?


Guy's got company.

Does small arms on the side.

Hell of a businessman.

Ok! Tadpoles!

Swan dives off the low board.

Keep 'em simple and straight.

Line up !

Beasley, go !



do that.

Female Girardi.


don't do that!

Male Girardi.

Don't emulate.

Mr Girardi ?!

Mr. Girardi, I'm not known for my patience.

Mr Girardi ?!

Come on, men up Girardi !

I, uh... I don't...

I don't feel well.

I'm sorry.

Don't forget to adjust your bra, Girardi!

Button it, Beasley

Ok...Miss Palmer.

Chewing gum ?

No, thanks.

Hey, take it easy.

Guy actually has to understand his Miranda rights.


Will ?

It's Lucy.

Listen, as it turns out, there's 5 guys, maybe more in there.

So I'm sending in S.W.A.T. I want you to come on back to the station.

You want S.W.A.T., fine,

but this is my case.

I'm making the arrest.

No, you're following orders,

and I want you to come on back to the station.

Do you copy that?

Yeah, but we're already here.

I'm running the scene.

You signed off on.

I am your commanding officer, detective Girardi,

and I am telling you to get your ass back to the station right now or I will suspend you.

Do you copy that?


I copy.

What?s going on?

Oh, great dive, Joan.

God mocking humans?

That's nice.

Belly flop.

Eternally funny.

Nothin' I can do about it.

Funny ?

Look at me.

I'm a beet.


But the low board doesn't scare you.

You didn't dream about the low board.

If I did a belly flop from the high board,

I could have exploded!

I take physics.

I know these things.

And don't mess with my dreams.

Using Judith to get me to do this...

if there was someone over you,

you would be in a lot of trouble.

But they arrested the guy,

and you still get to interview him, right?


When he lawyers up.

So what does it matter who actually slapped the cuffs on him?

It's my case, Helen.

So ?

In a dangerous situation, your boss chose caution over putting you at risk?

I don't even like her, and that sounds like a good call to me.

You don't understand.

I shouldn't have said anything.


I don't get to have an opinion?

You're just gonna keep running around busting down doors

without a thought that you have a family that might actually want you to stay alive?


what just happened?

I'm scared, ok ?

I'm scared.


I'll be careful.

It's not just that.


it's Kevin and the lawsuit.

It's Joan going nuts from lyme disease.



Every time the phone rings...

I know we've been hit with a lot, but...

I can't talk about this with you.

Helen ?!

I can't.

You won't understand.

No, I won't.

Not if you shut me out.

It's God.


scared of God.

Ok ?

I'm afraid of what he'll do next.

Oh. Hey.


I didn't think I'd find anyone still conscious.


She isn't sure about us.

She needs time.

I'm sorry.

What do you think of that...

needing time?

It's normal.

Means she really cares about you.


So what exactly happens during this...

time ?

She searches her heart...

and she... thinks about her life


what the future would look like with you and without you.

Girls really think about all that, huh?

We can spend 2 hours thinking about shoes.

Man, guys are just like either into a girl or not.

It's just...

when I'm thinking about her, I...

I get this dull ache in my gut

and it only goes away when I'm with her.

The wound that can only be healed with the sword that inflicted it.

The Troubadours.

They wrote that the only person that can heal that wound is the one who caused it.

You know you have to do it, Jo-Jo.

Why ?

Have you been talking to God?

We know you can do it, Joan.

I should have known.

Just let go.

Luke, you're not naked, are you?


Wow. Dedication....

You feeling better?

I wasn't sick.

Look, if you're still trying to prove yourself against Kevin...

Grace accused me of being a coward.

Grace rags on everybody.

She's right.

I couldn't dive because I was afraid I'd look stupid.

Hey, if I let that stop me, I'd never do anything.

You know, I've structured my whole life to be risk-free,

never allowing for a situation where I might fail.

So I've cut out whole realms of experiences that I want to be a part of.

I just...

I just don't want to live half a life anymore.

Just forget it.

Hey... Luke, it's not like it's over for you.

Just go, ok?

Lilly Waters ?


Ha. Am I all you expected?

Well, you're hard to miss.


Take a load off.

Well, you guys are 4 for 4.

How's that?

Good-looking family.

I met Kevin, too.

He could be a model.

Well, you know, for handicapped crap.

Yeah, listen, I'll try to make this short.

No, no.

Take your time.

Ha. You saved me from spin class....

Talk about hell on earth...

I'd just like to get to it.

Helen's probably told you I don't believe in God.


last night Helen told me she's afraid.

Of...of God.

It's big for her, not something that's gonna go away on its own.

And she seems so sad...

I don't know how to help her.


Yeah. is.

I was hoping you could talk to her about it,
you know, get her through it.

Me ?

Well, you're her spiritual adviser, right?

I mean, you're the one leading her down this road to this God
who seems to be making her miserable.

We talk about stuff.

So talk to her.

Tell her not to be scared of your God anymore.

There's no magic switch.

Then what the hell good is a religion if she's scared of it?

Isn't the whole point of God to provide comfort?

Look, you raise some good questions...

I'm not here for a panel discussion..

I want to help my wife.

Questions about faith and God...they're backbreakers, man.

I mean, they're filled with contradictions.

Like a cop who doesn't believe in God asking for spiritual help.

Ha. Blows my mind.

I mean...

it must mean something...

right ?

So that's it ?

That's all you've got?

Pretty much.


So I'm going with your mom to the cemetery.

And it's a chance to stop by my mom, too.

You could come even if you think it's dumb.

I can't.

I have to dive.

Oh, yeah.

So, um...

wish me luck.

Wear a parachute.

Say hi to Judith for me.


So we still not talking?


I mean...

we never were not talking.

Sure could have fooled me.

Look, you gave an order.

I was unprofessional.

It won't happen again.

Oh, and for the record, Helen sided with you.


She's your biggest fan now.

Well, I don't mind going head to head
with somebody every once in a while, you know.

I think that's healthy.

It's the passive aggressive jerks that really piss me off.

Look, you knew I could have handled it.

Dragging me off like some damn rookie was just wrong, and you know it.

I had to.

Had to ?

You had to pull one of your best officers?

Why ?

I don't have to explain myself to you, detective.

Why ?

Because I thought that...

I thought that if...

and I know it's part of the job, but if something had happened, I..

well, don't look so surprised, Will.

Everybody has feelings.

Even me.


transcript value.

Hardest substance on earth, ladies.

You can touch it if you want.

You better be wearing a bathing suit, Mr. Belkin.

Hey, coach.

What'd I tell you, Tommy? sit-ups in front of the girls.

Won't happen again.

Ok, folks!

Now it gets fun.

Strap on your oxygen masks.

Straight dive off the high board.

Line up.


Mr Girardi.

Hey !

I remember you in Farrington.

You were awesome!

Glad to see you're feeling better, mr. Girardi.

Ok...Mr Girardi.

Dive, Mr Girardi.

Mr. Girardi, if you still don't feel well,
perhaps you'd feel better on the bowling team.

What a dork!

Luke !

Don't forget to change your panties!

You are outta here, miss Girardi !

No !

No, I have to do this.

Move your Keister before I have you suspended.

Please, let me just take one dive!

I promise you'll never have to see me again!

Out !

Now !

Now !

I'm working.

I was in the neighbourhood.

Really ?

No, but...

makes this easier, so go with it.


Look, just...

forget that stupid diving team.

That whole rant, that was...I was...

I mean, I...

are you gonna make me go on?



I talked to my mom.

Finish your homework.

Wow, you are a slob!

I love that in a girl.

You're sick.

This is exactly like your room at home...

same cake sticker on your Discman, Ben Folds Five poster.

Yes, but the Bobble-head collection is new.

And very impressive.

Thank you for letting me come over.

Of course.

I just...I didn't know if we were ever gonna be able to just...

you know...hang again.


how's that time thing coming?

I want you to know as you take this time, I'm already at pathetically.

crazy about you.


and I want you to know that I am a different person now.

I floss every day.

Except for weekends.

But even dentists don't floss...

Oh, God !

Man, from a simple conversation about dental hygiene...

weird things turn you on, huh?

It's easy, Jo-Jo.

Don't let the fear hold you back.

Maybe if you had been a little more afraid,

you'd still be alive.

Mm. No. See...

I think what my problem was...

I was running from what I was afraid of.

Don't do that.

Just surrender and...

Ok, 10 minutes of stretching, people.

Find a partner.

Mr Girardi, what are you doing up there ?

Mr Girardi, I want you off that board...

right now!

You're home early.

Slow day.

Supplier on Judith's case is still making deals
before he'll give up the guy who murdered her.

I'm on call.

Emily Dickinson.


Felt like poetry.

I heard about your little fight.

Oh, yeah?

When were you gonna tell me?

Will, I had a session with Lilly today.

Did you think she wouldn't tell me you two talked?

Ha. I, uh...I thought you'd get mad.

Mad ?

I yelled at her.

She's very annoying

I've been so alone because...

I knew how you felt.

But even with that, you heard me.

I'm sorry I didn't trust you.

Oh, you really are omnipresent, aren't you?

I get around.

What your brother did...

took a lot of guts.

Yeah, well, I had my doubts there...

right up till the end.

Everyone does.

Fear is very powerful.

It paralyses people.

They don't see the value in it.

In being terrified?


We don't.

Because we're not insane.

But you saw Luke, how happy he was.

He found that other half of his life that he wanted.

You think that would have happened
if he kept running from what he was afraid of?

Ok, ok !

I'll suit up and dive.

I never said you had to dive.

Hello ?!

You've been all over me about this.

What about the dreams?

The dreams weren't about the high board, Joan.

You know that.

If you need to go to work...

No, no.

It's ok.

Called in.

Oh,'s over there.

I don't want to see her name.

The date...

Well, you don't have to, you know. We can...

No, no.

I have to.

I have to do this part alone, though.


I...I didn't think to bring anything 'cause...

well, what are you gonna do with flowers?


things are pretty much the same,

which is weird.

Although, Luke did this...

this awesome dive off of the high board
which wasn't really a dive dive.

It was more like...

Will Ferrell falling out of a plane.

You would have peed yourself.

Can I say that in a cemetery?

Anyway, Luke did it.

Oh, and he and Grace are a public item.

Ha ha ha... ah, it's a freak show.

And you're, um...


dead, and I didn't come before because...

I was so scared...

that if I had to say good-bye, you know...

the real one where I have to admit
that I'm never gonna see you again...

it would hurt so much...

to let go like that.

And it might never stop, but...

but I have to.


I love you.