Joan of Arcadia (2003–2005): Season 1, Episode 19 - Do the Math - full transcript

Draw lines from each vortex to its opposite vertex,

dividing the hexagon into equal triangles

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah. I'll do that once you learn English.

watch It


Thank you...

Very much

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on, boys. Come on. Come on.

You got to look where you're going, Joan.

Thanks for the lecture.

It helps right now.

You got a "d" on your geometry test, huh?

Yes! A "d"

and now the dogs are actually eating my homework.

What is this?

Take a cosmic dump on Joan day?

Hey. You know,

I'm helping you pick up your stuff here.

You're not being very appreciative.

You want some appreciation?

Ease up on the homework and the tests.

Maybe toss a lightning bolt

at that twerp on the skateboard.

Actually, I was thinking more about, uh...

piano lessons.

Do you see all this, all-seeing one, huh?

I have a Noah's ark-load of homework already.

Joan, take piano lessons.

I took them when I was little,

You know how I'm hating them.

Actually, I thought you were kinda good

I mean You were solidly in the groove
with "eensie weensie spider" remember?

My parents can't afford lessons.

Oh, you figure it out

No, I won't

-== [ ] ==-

What do you want?

Piano lessons.

Why? Your parents forcing you?


Than why?

Because I used to play when I was little, and I miss it.

Because someone very important Thought I was good at eensie weensie spider.

How many reasons do you need?


You got 50 bucks?



That'll barely cover the scotch I'll need

after listening to another kid butcher Bach.

50 bucks might be a little bit of a problem.



Look, I could pay you off a little bit every week.

Well, maybe I could work for the lessons, you know?

Help you...clean?

You saying I keep a dirty house?

No. No--I was just saying, you know,

you know, maybe I could help you make it...

even cleaner.

Tomorrow. 4:30.

Bring your old exercise books.

And if I have nothing to build on,

you're out on your keister.

Well, you don't have to slam the door in my face.

It's not very nice!

Get off my porch!

You sure you want me to do this?

Come on. Independent research.

It's your kind of thing.

Sticking a dart in my brother's butt is a lot of things,

but it's definitely not my kind of thing.


Not really, but...


Now remember, keep your mouth shut about this..

You think this is something I'd publicize?


let me have it...

but don't tell me when.

Ohh, this is uncomfortable on so many levels.


I'm sorry. Ive never put a dart in someones...


it's great.

I felt it.

I actually felt it. Whoo!,Whoo!

What's this?

Crazy shirt day?

'Cause you are totally winning.

Uh, Iris gave it to me.

Oh. So this is A...choice.

It's vintage.

It still has the original tag.

You look like an escapee from a VH-1 special.

You think the JC Penney Hoodies were a good look for a?

They were Adam.

This is not.

I like it, Jane.

No, you don't.

You can't, unless you're...


I can't help it if you don't get fashion.

I just think you should let "A"

be Adam...

Ok, "I"?

Ms. Girardi, glad to hear you talking about "a".

Approach the board, please.

The Pythagorean theorem:

Show us.

Start with "a", then square it.

Um, Pythagorean...


someone from...


Pythagoras, the granddaddy of geometry,

taught us that all life is connected through math.

The study of prime and square numbers not only built the basics of geometry,

but also music, astronomy--

this is about music?

My, showing some interest, Ms. Girardi.

Finally trying to-- I don't know--

pass the class, are we?

I'm gonna pass.

Then show us that the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the sides squared.

I can add fractions.


How am I ever gonna find my old piano books in all this garbage?

God, my mom keeps everything.

Do you know that she kept my first shirt that I spit up on?

"Ooh. Vomit. How cute.""

What's up with the piano?

Don't you have enough going on?

Too much

So you're gonna pile more on?

Trying to get your mind of Rove is making you goofy, dude.

My mind is not on Adam, ok?

It's just his new disco-look that really got to me.

How could he let Iris pick out those clothes?

ElShe probably does it after they make out, you know, when he has no will of his own.

Bad image.

Very bad image.

It's the truth

Dangle even the most remote possibility of sex before a guy,

they're your slaves.

Didn't you ever see the movie Queen of Outer space with Zsa Zsa gabore?

Why would I?

Rent it.

Brilliant cautionary tale.

Now if you were willing to, uh--

I told you Adam and I are over.

Yeah, That's why you don't care what he wears, or, uh...

don't you have a Hebrew class you should be at?

Yeah. Why do you think I'm here?

Aw! These are dad.

He looks about 6 in this picture,

and already he's dressed like a cop.

That's because his dad was a cop.

Look at this picture.

Look. this is him in high school.

Afro, afro.

And Rove's shirt.

Wow. This is a letter from my grandfather.

he died when I was little.

"Dear will, I hope they are not working you too hard at the police academy.

I have been missing you, and I'm sorry about everything with Richard.

I understand how angry you are, but he's just a boy.

Please don't blame him."

What are you doing?

Digging out my old piano books.

I'm taking lessons.


Don't ask. I'm just into piano again, ok?

So...who is this Richard, and why was grandpa worried that dad would be mad at him?

Got me. Oh, um...

That is your little onesey..
That is the first thing that you...

yeah, we know.

It's a real national treasure.

Ok. Gotta go

I got A...

the chicken, I don't want it to burn.

That was weird, huh?

Total parental cover-up.

They all turn into fascists when they have kids.


In the name of all that's holy, stop!

I--I thought I was doing good.

So I'm blind, and you're deaf.

Come on.

I already cleaned out your fridge, and there was...

something moving in there.

You owe me.

Just try not to damage one of the few senses I have left.

OJust try not to damage one of the few senses I have left.

You know, without that, you make noise...

not music.

wow. That was-- that was great.

No one likes a suck-up.

So just play, and those are quarter notes, not half notes.

You can count, can't you?

Thank god.

TYou can start by dusting the piano,

and then take out the garbage.

You could have at least let me finish.

I was in the zone.

That was pretty clear.

How old are you here?


You look happy...

and pretty.

I mean, you still are...



I'm Jayne Mansfield.


Forget it.

Just clean.

You know, you don't have very good people skills.

hen why don't you just leave.

Forget the lessons.

God only knows.

Those feelings are peripheral, Kevin.

They don't involve your central nervous system.

It doesnt mean you'll walk.

How can you be sure about that?

You also told me that I wouldn't get any feeling at all down there.

You were wrong about that, weren't you?

Given your history, I said the odds weren't in your favour.

That's no answer.

You sound like you're running for president.

These feelings I had, they were real.

So that has to mean something.

I know how much you want this to be a sign--

I don't want a miracle from you.

I just want some answers.

I want to deal with someone who knows what they're talking about.

We're still learning so much about spinal cord injuries--

yeah, well, I want someone who knows more than you.

I'll send your records to Martin Jacobson.

He's head of neurology at arcadia general.

I'll find my own guy.

Why is she doing this?

I've learned with your sister, it's best not to ask.

She might try to explain.

Maybe she broke it.

Hey, you know, the insurance company called.

They said you were asking for a second opinion,

and they need to pre-approve it.


I'll take care of it.

What is it?

Why do you need a second opinion?

I'm ok, mom.

I can take care of it.

What's wrong?

Is something wrong?

Was someone playing the piano?

I thought I heard--


You heard pounding.

I'm doing a lot better.

At pounding.

I thought you hated the piano.

You want me to do well in math, don't you?

See? This is why I don't ask.

Well, all music is based on the mathematical certainty that vibrations change

when the ratio between whole numbers change.

Ah. And Joan flunks math.

So what's wrong with you, anyway?

Something wrong?

no. I'm fine.

Everything's fine.

Did we join the CIA and I just didn't get the note?

What are you talking about?

Secret doctors, the mysterious Richard.


Some relative of dad's that mom won't talk about.

Why are you asking about Richard?

She found a letter in one of those boxes in the closet.

What was it doing there?

So who is he?

A criminal? A pervert? What?

No one.

A distant relative.

He's a Girardi?

Yeah. I told you.

A distant relative.

I barely knew him.

Grandpa said in the letter you were mad at him.

You know, stuff happens when you're young.

Can we eat?

I didn't have any lunch.

I thought we threw all this stuff out a long time ago.

Well, I figured someday you might want to look back.

Why would I want to look back at Richard?

For what reason?

You should have thrown it all out, Helen.

Why did you leave it all up to me?

I never liked getting dragged into this lie.

It's not a lie

It's just a part of my life that's over.

My family, the family I have now,

that's what matters to me.

Thats all that matters to me now.

And what if Joan asks again?

I don't want to lie.

If you don't bring it up, she won't.

I'll just throw out all the rest of this stuff myself.



What are you doing?

Well, the upside of schools not having any money,

they still have all this dope old vinyl.

I'm getting some Miles Davis for Iris.

She's never heard him.

Is that that trumpet guy you played me?


check it out.

Original pressing. 1961.

It's cool.

Well, I have to practice the piano,

so try not to listen.

I was just heading out.

Adam, I'm sorry for attacking your shirt.

I was just a little...

you know, shocked at the whole fashionista thing

and had this involuntary doofus response

But the shirts look great.

Makes you easy to find in a crowd.

I did it again.

Listen, what are we, Jane?

I mean, we're not together, but it seems like we are sometimes.

I don't know.

Maybe it's because we were for, like, a second.


Je don't wanna mess things up with you and Iris.

I-- I, um--

I have to... Practice.


Later, Jane.

Whoa! Having trouble?

Yeah, this piano is pretty messed up.

Well, that's why I'm here, Joan.

oh. You.

Oh, wow. Some of these hammers are broken.

that's why it doesn't sound right.

You can't play all the notes.

Yeah, well, you can raise people from the dead, so just...

wave your hand and fix the stupid piano.

You want special effects, rent lord of the rings.

I'm a craftsman, and fixing a piano's delicate work.

This one has been...

badly neglected.

Yeah, well, budget cutbacks. You should see the girls bathroom.

There's all sorts of reasons why things break.

he important thing is to fix 'em.

Plato said music is the essence of order

and leads to all that is good, true, and beautiful.

ok, so now you're quoting Mickey Mouse's dog. Ok.

Music can't be true if some of the notes are silent.

You're like an endless pop quiz.

Music is a metaphor for life, for people.

Because pretty much everyone I know is missing a few notes.

I have to go to my truck for new hammers.

You should find someplace else to practice.

That's it?!

Luke, you have to help me track down this Richard Girardi guy.

Joan, that would irrational in the extreme.

Dad's behaviour made it quite clear

he didn't want this to become an issue.

'm pretty sure his hammer is broken

and how can he play music without all his notes?

So you have to help me find Richard.

There was so little of that that I understood.

Look, just get on the internet,

kick your geek thing into action and find Richard Girardi.

Joan, you remember watching the godfather with dad?

He thinks it's a documentary.

You do not mess around with Italians and their families.

You know what? If you don't help me,

I'm gonna tell mom that you and Glynis are knockin' boots,

and she's gonna give you the sex lecture every day for months.

That would be spurious, manipulative fiction, and--

Luke, when two people love each other very much--

I'll see what I can find.

No, I'm sorry.

This was supposed to be an F sharp.

I know. I know.

I practiced. It's just scales are so hard.

Those aren't scales.

That's Bach.

Then I guess I'm not good at Bach.

ell, if you can't play Bach, you can't play anything.

He's the foundation.

What you're destroying is nothing more than a g major triad.

Some times its inverted but,

the notes are always the same.

1-3-5, 1-3-5.

A squared plus b squared equals c squared.


What are you mumbling?

I just--

I get it.

You can't just get it.

It takes years of practice.

This lesson is over.

Well, I still have 5 minutes.

Now start clearing out that closet.

What about all these old albums?

Just toss 'em.

You don't listen to any of them?

I can't even see what's on them.

The radio's all I need now.

These are so old.

Yeah, just like me.

And one day, they're gonna toss me, too.

Do you realize the ratio of whole numbers that governs harmony is, like,

the same ratio that governs all of geometry?

Of course.

well you cant play eensie weensie spider.


You know, I would appreciate a little consideration and respect.

I've discovered the elusive Richard Girardi.

Oh, I meant dork in a nice way. Really.

Found a genealogy website.

There's grandpa, and there's dad and Richard.

Dr. Richard Girardi.

Grandpa had a brother. .

Dad does.

He's 10 years younger.

He lives in Baltimore.

That's impossible.

No, no.

See, grandpa remarried after he left grandma.

I'm sure he had his reasons.

What are you doing?

For Baltimore, please.

Dr. Richard Girardi.

You're gonna be sleeping with the fishes.

Shh! Uh, yes, connect me.

Joan, in the pantheon of bad ideas that compromises your life

this may be your crowing achievement.

Hi, is Dr. Richard Girardi there?

Oh. Could I leave a message?

Yes, tell him that Joan Girardi called.

You're the only one I know with a record player, so--

man, this stuff's in great shape.

Too bad it's all classical.


Wait, hold on.

Let me see that.

This is Eva.

This is her playing.

Your teacher?

Yeah. Can we listen to it?


It's cool.

It's Bach.

I can't believe she ever looked this beautiful.

Well, I guess everybody gets old, huh?

It's not just that.

I mean, she's sour on the inside.

Maybe it's
all the scotch.

Or, you know, uh...

bad ripples.


I'll let you get back to Miles Davis.

No, uh... you don't have to go.

What's up?

I just found out that my dad has a brother he never told us about.

Yeah. I found this letter and she totally denied it.

And then I asked my dad and he said it was some distant cousin.

My parents, lying to my face.

What's so hard about telling the truth?

I don't think we'll ever understand 'em.

Let's never be like that.

What if it just happens?

Like skin getting all wrinkly?

We won't let it

Coucou ch?ri...




Hey. Hi.

, um, I was just, um...

listening to A's turntable.

This is my piano teacher.

Who knew she could play.

I gotta...

I gotta go



See ya later.

Go Away!

It's me! Joan!

What the hell do you want?

You don't have a lesson now.

I just wanted to give this back to you.

It was in the box of records,that you wanted me
to throw out.

Well, then, throw it out.

But--but this is you.

I asked you to leave.

Now leave.

Quizzes are graded.

Pick them up on your way out.

ruggling upwards from the ooze, are we, Ms. Girardi?

Yeah, I just totally got into this whole ratio thing--

the bell's already rung.



Can you believe this?





Can I talk to you a sec?

Yeah, what's going on?

I know you and Adam are friends,

and I'm not trying to interfere or anything--

is this about last night?

The Turntable. I'm really sorry

I just, I needed to listen to this record.

Just be straight with me, ok?

That's all I'm asking.

Is something going on?

Look, Adam's my friend.

I needed someone to talk to.

You have friends like that, right?

Yeah, one.

And I'm going out with him.

Joan's pizza.

Yeah, that's a joke.

Joan Girardi?

Yeah, this is me

This is Richard Girardi.

So how'd the geometry quiz go? Joan?

Hmm? Oh. Uh... c-plus.

Hey, that's terrific.

A "c" is not terrific.



How come when I got a "c" in trig, it was, like, a major crisis?

Sexist assumptions about gender and mathematics.

Which, by the way, Glynis is a stunning exception to.

Dad's brother called me today.

What did you say?

Richard called me today.


Our uncle Richard.

Dad's brother.


He's a half-uncle.

You dragged Luke in on this?

Don't you think we all had a right to know?


were you planning on lying to us our whole lives?

I never lied to you.

Mom lied to my face the other day.

"Who's Richard?"

"Gee, I don't know."

I was respecting your father's wishes.

About lying to us.

You had no right, Joan.

This is my family, too.

My history.

I know you didn't want us to find out,

but he's a part of who you are, dad.

He's not any part of me.


it's been years and years.

None of this matters.

Yes, it does!

I saw the pictures of you two.

You shouldn't have gone looking--

through what?!

Things in my house?

Remember the one with you and Richard on the bike?

You must. You saved it.

I know having a brother is not that great,

but the way...

you looked together--


there's a lot--

my old man took off and left my mom and my sister and me.

I was 6.

You know that.

And then he had this whole other family.

Richard was their son.

I used to go there when I was little...

When everyone felt

civilised about the mess he had made.

But then I grew up,

and I started looking at his new family,

and seeing everything they had

and what we had to do without.

That was so long ago.

A kid doesn't like to feel replaced!

He said if--if you wanted to talk...

Hey, do you have a minute?


uh... sure.

I got in this big fight with my dad about his brother,

and now he totally hates me.

Hey, how come--

how come you're wearing your old shirt?

Huh? I'm sure he doesn't hate you.

Well, he should.

I'm the one who set this whole huge mess in motion.

I don't even know what I was thinking.

All I was supposed to do was pass geometry.

Uh, you're losing me.

That's ok. I mean, there's nothing to say.

I just--

I needed you.

Oh, god, I shouldn't have said that.

It's ok.

No. It's just--

it's one more thing that's wildly out of control right now.

Us! Or at least me, the human wrecking ball.

It's not just you. It...


I know I've been such a flake with you.


It's just that first kiss.

The one that was just supposed to go away.

Iris and me are together, Jane.

I know.

But last night...


I always seem to be interrupting you two.

I always seem to be interrupting you two.

Just stuff.

Yeah. It's kind of personal.

You know, family stuff.

Yeah, uh, nothing weird.

Yeah, it's really nothing.

Oh, um, I have a piano lesson, so...

hot dogs?

Better living through chemistry right?

Hey, bear.

Where the hell you been?

You missed 3 days of physio

Been doing some upper body work at home.

Well, you need the physio.

You gotta keep your legs flexible.

That's key.

For what?

When am I ever gonna use them?

Hell if I know.

But when they figure us out,

you don't want to miss the boat.

Get real, bear.

There's no boat.

Hey, you get real

You think they're not doing research?

You think there haven't been advances?

Look, dude, you do whatever you have to.

Wait, are you calling me an idiot?

You're the one that's giving up.

I'm taking what's happened to me and I'm moving on.

Yeah, well,

I'm not you.

I'm not wasting my life with some false hope that I'll be walking one day.

It's not false, Kevin.

It's just hope

Now, you lose that, and you're done.

This is that piece on the record.

Nosy little brat.

You listened to the record.

You shouldn't have brought it back.

It was dead.'s not.

It's cool.

Bach is not cool.

When you played it, he was.

He was alive.

Will--will you play it for me?

No. have the music.

I am not going to play it.

What is your problem?!

I'm trying to give you a compliment.

Why are you so mean?!

This recording...

it took days!

In concert, you have one chance, one moment!

I was that piece.

Its beauty--it fed me.

It made me live.

And in my first concert,

a thousand people listened to me

bungle my way through it!

All life gone out of it.

Just...fear and nerves.

And then the applause.

Polite, dismissive.

I don't play that piece anymore!

Because of one night?

I'm going to hire a new cleaning woman who knows when to shut up!

Why run from something you love?

It's lame. I know

because I--

I just know!

I tried.

I waited too long.

But it's part of who you are.

Please go.


I can't wait anymore.

I'm starving.

Burned some serious calories during physio today.

Kev, you've already had 3 mini-pizzas and a grilled cheese sandwich.

I could live off that for weeks.

I'm home.

Well, let's eat.

About time.

I was gonna eat Luke.


you shouldn't have done this.

I'm sorry, will.

I talked to Joan, and we thought it would--

she's a kid.

You used a kid?

No, no, no.

He didn't use me.


maybe it's time.

I should, uh...

I should go.

Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

No. No, dad...

Here, Will...

pap wanted you to have this.

He made me promise to give it to you myself.

I'm so s--sorry, daddy.

Should I call him back?

Not yet.

Hey, little guy, where'd you come from?

Oh...whoa. Sorry about that, Joan.

She--she got away.

Guess I didn't do such a good job today.

What are you talking about?

You raised your grade from a "d" to a c."


It's just my dad--

what happened...

he couldn't handle it.

Well, he has his missing note.

He'll play it when the time is right.

It's a long song, Joan.

There are so many variations,

and, you know, you never know what the next phrase is gonna be.

Come on, fellas.

Come on.

Oh, sorry about that.

Oh, sorry.



Can I sit?


Hey, you've been crying.

Don't worry, not because of you.

Well, I'm sure you were in there someplace.

I talked to iris.

I told her how I felt.

How's that?

The same way you feel.

I was just scared, Jane.

Got kinda hurt before, and I thought...

about you.

And--and being scared didn't matter that much.

Hey, you're crying again.