Joan of Arcadia (2003–2005): Season 1, Episode 16 - Double Dutch - full transcript

Adam's all "ooh!" About Iris, and Luke, who I can always count on to be more pathetic than me, has hooked up with Glynis,

shining a big spotlight on what a total washout I am.

If I was a Viking, they'd put me on a flaming raft and send me out to sea.

You did the history reading.

That's how desperate I am.

That thing with Rove is not gonna last.

Oh, why? Are his lips gonna fall off from making out too much?

I was trying to be positive. It's not me.

Rove and Iris are perfect for each other. They'll probably have a house full of emotionally damaged babies by senior year.

So where do I fit in?

You don't. Isn't that how this whole conversation got started?

Why do I always wanna punch street performers?

I guess it's clown trauma.

Why did we stop? We should be fleeing in horror. It's bad enough we had to come all the way downtown to the library to research Viking footwear.

I kinda like this song.

I'm not gonna stay for this, Girardi, no matter what kind of breakdown you're having.

Then just go. I'll catch up with you.

You suck, dude.

That was really humiliating.

God should know how to carry a tune.

You seem awfully high-strung these days, Joan. You need to lighten up, baby.

Please, not another song. Please?

I want you to learn how to jump rope.

I know how to jump rope. I used to do it when I was a little kid. Remember?

Yeah, and didn't you enjoy it?

The freedom, the joy, man. That perfect synchronicity between jumper and rope.

Casper, Casper, why you bugging? Your dads gone and you're left jumpin' Jump! Jump! Mama Mama, took me to the park. Sun went down and it got dark...

You're kidding me, right?

Was one of us? Like one of us

Grace was right. You do suck.

Casper, Casper, why you bugging? Youre Dads gone and you're left jumpin' Jump! Jump! Jump!

The sun went down and it got Dark. It got cold and so we jumped. Why you bugging? Youre dad is gone and you're left jumpin' Jump! Jump! Jump!

What are you looking at?

Uh, you. Um, that was amazing. How do you do that?

You think I look like some kind of teacher?

No. No, you don't. Well, I just thought that, maybe, you know, I could try.

You need skills to jump with this crew.

Oh, I got skills. I got mad skills. Well, not mad. More like loopy, loopy.

Yo, Maliya. Nikki. Give girlfriend here a turn.


Um, sorry, guys. Maybe you could slow it down just a little bit.
I'm a little rusty.

Um, guys, just--

you said you wanted to jump. Jump!

You said you had skills. You lied.

You pushed me.


Casper, Casper why you bugging?

Snow white tried to jump with me

Casper, Casper, where'd she go?

home cause the sad girl hit the flo'

Where are you off to?

Oh, follow-up on a case.

I've spent 3 weeks on desk duty reviewing cold cases.

I could use a fresh taste.

Charles Timmons. 53.

Someone didn't like Charles.

He owned a fabric store on Brookview.

His wife got home from her book club, found him in the kitchen, single shot to the back of the head.

Jewellery, silver gone. No forced entry, no prints, no witnesses.

Was he mixed up in anything?

Oh, yeah. He started a camp for kids with cancer, sponsored a little league team, been married 26 years.

Well, it's always the quiet ones you have to worry about.

Hey, you wanna trade? You work these dead ends. I'll take that one?

Soon, Will, soon.

Oh, doc. You makin' house calls now?

I had a psych consult down at the jail. Thought I'd just stop by, check in.

I better run.

Oh, maybe you should wait. I might be getting my gun back.

We'll grab some lunch later.


Look, I'm grateful for all your help. I needed it, but now I need to get back out there.

I know. Will, look, we had a deal.

Now, Thursday is "bring your kid to work" day, and you haven't signed up yet.

You think I want my kids to see me shuffling papers? I'm a cop, Henry. If I had my piece back, could work the field--

Will, what you're going through here, post traumatic stress, it comes with the job. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

And being able to let your family go through that with you-- even the kids-- it's the best medicine.

So this is a test, right?

To see how solid I am.

You pulled your gun on a 4-year-old.

You want to go back on the street worried that you could melt down again?

Hey, what happened? Where you been?

Remember before how I said I hit bottom?


There was further to go.


I just wanted to learn how to jump rope from these girls in the park, and they totally dissed me, and they shoved me--

whoa, whoa, and whoa. Jump rope?


Jump rope?

Yes. It's something I have to do. It was very important.


How am I supposed to know?

And still I fall.

Jane. Grace. What do you think?

I made it for your mom's class.

It's awesome, right? "A" is so talented.

"A"? Youre calling him A now.

Is that a problem?

No! no, Its cute.

Well, I think your mom's gonna be blown away, don't you?

We better get going A

Yeah. Uh, later.

"A"? Isn't that just wrong?

He's not that into her. Trust me. Hes Hot for someone else.


Your mom. Sorry, dude.

Give it a rest, horndog!

Did you enjoy yourself this morning, Joan?

Bite me, big bird. You almost got me killed.

You seem fine to me.

Do you hate me or something?

Me? Hey, I'm all about love.

Yeah, I can see. Glynis and Luke, Adam and Iris, Adam and my mom. You are seriously twisted.

You're feeling alone. You envy their connections.

Oh, and you have to be God to figure that out?

Go back to the park.

Wait, wait, wait. Back to the psycho? The one throwing out the seriously bad juju?

I asked you to jump. All you've done so far is fall.

Go back and Jump, Joan.

Well, if you don't want me to feel so alone, then give me a boyfriend!

Interesting. It's a naive piece.


Like folk art. It'S... oh, it's a turtle! You're--
showing how you withdraw to protect yourself from the world.

It's a catalytic converter and an exhaust pipe.

You see yourself as a catalytic converter.

Youre showing how you convert your personality into what?

Help me out here, Adam. I assigned a self-portrait. How is this you?

It's not.

You didn't do the assignment?

He went in a different direction.

I have to do what I feel.

Oh. We'll talk about this after class.

Why? I thought this class was about sharing our thoughts, being honest.


You are very talented, Adam, but you're coasting.

There's... no feeling in this. I assigned a self-portrait because I wanted you to think introspectively. You avoided that challenge.

This class is about discovery, getting in touch with who you are.

Real art, it-- it takes risks. It creates a dialogue.

Do the assignment, Adam. Take a risk.

Uncle Tim and Auntie Em, Yo took our possy to the rap show. Outkast, Master, chillin' flava, Hey Ya, Hey, Ya, Hey, Ya.

snow white's back. Better check yourself, yo.

I just want a chance to jump, to try.

So why don't you find someone your own speed at the playground?

With you.

Someone, wake this little sister up. She's dreamin'.

That was amazing! It was like being in an eggbeater!

I said no. You don't belong here.

Chill, Casper. She hung out and shes all right.

Double it up!

Don't get me tied in these ropes. I won't like that.

I'm waitin'.

Don't look at my feet! Look at my eyes. Link eyes! One foot!

Casper, see you tomorrow, girl?

Oh, I'll be here.

Wait, wait, wait. You're stopping? We just got started.

Cops shut the park down at sunset and they run everybody out.

You fixed for food?


You can eat at my house.

You think we friends now, princess? You think we got something in common?

Well, we did when we were jumping.

Its like we were the same person in there. Come on. My mom always makes way too much food anyway. Come on.

Michelle turner. She's a violinist who developed musical therapy for autistic kids.

You want me to interview her?

Not an interview exactly, a profile. It's more personal. We'll get to know her through your eyes.

Which begs the question, why would anybody care about my eyes?

She's been working with disabled kids for years.

You'll be able to add a perspective nobody else can.

You're not giving this assignment to me because we're... you know?

No. Not that it hurts, but, no.

I don't think I've seen you at school, Casper. Do you go to Southside?


You're lucky. You could have my mom for art.

Oh, by the way, mom, whatever you did to Adam today, he's, like, totally catatonic, so I hope that's what you were going for.

Yeah. Well, my teaching methods are not open for discussion.

So, Casper, where did you and Joan meet?

The park. Jumpin'.


Rope. Double Dutch. Casper's teaching me. It should totally, like, be an Olympic event. It's much cooler than twirling those ribbons. What's up with that?

I smell garlic.

Before you launch into the embarrassing lecture on the health benefits of garlic, this is my friend Casper, and she doesn't care.

Nice to meet you. It is a natural antibiotic, you know.

It also lowers blood pressure.

I love this kid.

Joan, Honey, I have a favour. We're having "bring your kid to work" day at the office, and since Kevin is working, I thought--

no can do. I already get enough parental bonding with mom. Besides, Casper and I jump after school.



I can't explain. I just have to, ok?

Ask Romeo.


It's a crude attempt at irony. Ask me what?

Dad has to take a kid to work. Kevin's got a job. I have a life. You're option "C."

That's not it at all. I just thought that... well, you're gonna be bored hanging out with a bunch of cops.

No, I won't. It sounds cool.

Oh. Well...great.

So, anything I can help you with?

You know, I--I just remembered. I have to run.

We're gonna eat in 2 minutes.

I've got homework.

You know, garlic helps increase the blood flow to the brain.

See you in the park, yo.

Mama, mama took me to the park, sun went down and it got dark. It got cold and so we jump. Jump! Jump! Jump!

Watch out for her, yo. Her pops is 5-0.

What's up with you?

We're all hanging out, having a good time, and then you jet like some freak show.

Who do you think you are, girl? Better step off.

It's cool. Keep jumpin'.

Look... I had to go, all right? Chill.

Chill? Are you in some kind of trouble?

No! Look, it was a mistake, me comin' over to your place. Let's just roll back the clock. You go back to your life, and I'll go back to mine.

What, here I'm, like, some embarrassment because you have to keep it real with your homies?

You think I'm frontin'? Ok, princess, why don't you come to my house for dinner?

A shelter?

Yeah. I keep it so real that I sleep there every night, me and my 50 crazy-ass homies.

Well, where's your family?

My mom took off when I was 9, and my dad's upstate lookin' for work.

Casper... you're my age.

You cant live in a shelter.

I mean, you-- All right, ok, so you don't go to Southside, and you don't go to school at all, do you?

What are they gonna teach me?

Wait, wait, wait. I can talk to my dad.

The cop?

Yeah. He can help.

Why do you think I took off? He'd call children's services,
and they'd toss me in a group home.


look, if you wanna help me, just stop comin' down here. Go back to your castle, princess.

Without my brother's autism, I wouldn't have realized just how much my music could help someone.

Well, maybe if you play me something, I'd start dancing.

I'm good, but I don't know if I'm that good.

You're not what I expected.

You thought I'd be taller, right?

Well, I've--I've got everything I need.

Terrific. So, what now? I've got one night in Arcadia. What should I do?

Check out Marvin's. Home of the garlic cheeseburger. Guaranteed to rock your world.

Mmm. Ok. Well, that sounds like an offer I can't refuse.

Oh, that--that wasn't an offer.

No, I-- I should start writing.

Well, a man's gotta eat, right? Arent you hungry.

I guess I could eat something.

Mom's working late again. Can we order pizza?

Already on the way.

Extra garlic.

Call me when it comes. I wanna finish this article about digital fingerprint filing.

He deals with some impressive technology.

I'm the guy who can't work the remote, remember?

You know, one good thing about mom's new job-- never-ending junk food.

You should support her, you know.

Hey, I'm doing my best. Can you imagine if grandma was the chief of police? How would you be coping?

Well, I wouldn't have to go see a shrink.

She'd just make me some manicotti and say, "Everything gonna be ok."

And how is everything?

Better. Thanks.

I never knew before... all the things you keep locked up.


Well, doc says I'm gonna be back in the field real soon.

Well, that's good, yeah?

I'll get it.

Hi. How much?

You got it pretty good here, don't you, Joan?

Don't you ever take a night off, watch TV?

You're right to worry about Casper.

Great. It's not like there's anything I can do to help.

She's used to protecting herself. Connecting with you is something she can't trust. Find a way to let her know it's real.

How do I do that? She keeps pushing me away.


That's right.

Mr. Mysterious ways doesn't give answers. No, that would be too helpful.

No tip? I got it here in under 30 minutes.

Ohh. Like that's hard for you?

I was dating someone for a while, but I don't really like being tied down.

Otherwise, um, nights like this couldn't happen.

Are you actually blushing?

I'm sorry. I'm--I'm... confused. Are you really...

hitting on you? It was kind of obvious, wasn't it?

I just--

since the accident, there's only been... one person.

Just one?

Surprising, huh?

Because I'm smart and handsome. And Modest.

And I always get the best parking spots.

Upper body strength. It's the key to fitness and dating.

So toss that ball like your life really depends on it, 'cause it does.

She's homeless?

Grace, she sleeps in a shelter.

There are really creepy people there.

And the only reason she hangs out in the park all day is 'cause she has nowhere else to go. I have to do something.

Look at my butt, Friedman, one more time. I dare you.

You wish, Marge.

No lying down, Mr. Friedman. All right, people, let's break up into pairs.

School will be like a wasteland with you gone for a whole day.

Steal a utility bill.


For your friend.

A utility bill is all she needs to in roll in school.

She's off the streets, gets free food, can play with the medicine ball.

Thought you weren't interested in anyone but yourself.

This isn't about her. It's political. We're subverting the system, dude.


You'll be off the streets. No cops will hassle you. You'll get breakfast and lunch. It kind of tastes like rubber--

school sucks.

Hey! Normally, you'd be preaching to the choir, but look around you.

Do you wanna be hanging out with these people or kids your own age, kids like you?

There are kids like me that go to your school?

Casper, look, I--I know that it's hard to trust that someone like me isnt just doing some lame community service thing here,

but you have to know I'm really here for you.

I--look! I stole this gas bill and everything.

I'm looking at hard time for this.

I can't. I have to be here when my dad comes back.

Casper... do you really even have a dad?

He looks nice.

This was our apartment. We had a regular life before he got sick. I had to take care of him. There wasn't anyone else to.

But he's gonna take care of us again. It's just hard startin' over.

Wouldn't he want you to be in school?

Here. I brought you some clothes. No one will know that you live here.

You'll be just another normal kid. Well, when I say normal, I--I mean that you'll--

you'll look like me. Not that that's exactly normal, but--

but it's the best that I can do.

Let's go jump. Ok!

So, this is where the magic happends

Cool These are all cold cases?

How do you know about those?

I asked mom what you were working on.

You did?

They're all unsolved? I mean, there's hundreds.

90% dead ends. I leaf through them on a wing and a prayer.

Hey. you wanna see something cool? Here's the real magician.

Captain, my captain. You must be Luke.

Your dad tells me that you're quite the scientist.

Reggie runs the CSI. Lab, things that spin and blink and whir. You'd be in heaven.

We just installed a new processor for DNA analysis. It's killer.

An automated genetic analyzer? They use capillary electrophoresis, right?

Are you sure he's your kid? I mean, I can run your DNA.

He gets the brains from his mom's side.

Hey, you wanna check it out? It's like the bat cave down there.


Aren't you coming?

Oh, you guys are out of my league. All I'm doing is shuffling papers around here. Go. Enjoy yourself.

I did my self-portrait. Like you said. Took my risk.

Terrific. Let's have a look.

What are you trying to say here?

You wanted me to look inside myself, so I did. That's what was there.

Ok. I'll mark the assignment complete.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do.

Ok, listen up, people. This is Karen Casper.

Before I elevate your heart rates to something approaching healthy,

I want you all to welcome her. I'll get your uniform.

Hi. So, are gym clothes as lame as you remember?


Hey, Karen, was it?

I just wanted to make sure you knew that if you needed any help finding the girls' locker room, that's something I can--

this is Friedman. You can step on him, its allowed.

Hey, Glynis. Where'd you get that?

In the equipment bin. I'm just trying to release a few Endorphins before class.

I miss Luke.

Hey, check it out.


Look. We can Dutch. There's rope in here.

Does anyone know how to twirl? Cool. Perfect. Come on.

No, not here.

Oh, come on! Are you kidding me?

Show 'em what you got. Casper, Casper, Why you buggin'?
Snow White wants to see you jumpin' come on. Come on!

You buried the lead so deep a bloodhound couldn't find it.

So I'll fix it. You can run it on the weekend.

Your descriptive powers were in full bloom, though.

Is this why you didn't come over last night, why you didn't even call?

Is that why you killed my piece?

I asked you first.

I didn't do anything wrong.

We haven't put any labels on this yet.

So you're saying that what happened between us, it didn't mean anything?

No, I'm not saying that. I just-- she kept coming on to me!

Do you think that I want to hear this? Im not your pal or your sister.

I felt like... a regular 19-year-old kid again.

I never thought I'd feel like that, so... it didn't mean anything.

It did to me.

Come on.

You know, maybe this is all my fault... for getting involved with a regular 19-year-old kid.

Ladies and gentlemen, the kid is back. I got your shooter.

3 cold cases. All older, wealthy victims, single shot to the head, Jewellery gone, no forced entry. Sound familiar?


And here's your link.

Henley motors?

A garage on the west side. Each of the victims there had a tune-up there a week before their death. Toni?

Timmons got his brakes fixed Friday. Henley motors.

So you're saying we have a psycho mechanic on our hands?

Yep. The same name on all the paperwork at Henley.

Charles Newcomb. My guess is he chats up his customers, copies their keys, and then pays them a late-night visit.

Unbelievable. Great work, will.

So, what do you say we go see this guy, partner, see if we've got some cuffs that'll fit him?

No, I can't let you do that, will.

But I cracked it. It's my collar.

You're still not cleared. You know that.

I'll make sure you get full credit, though.

Anyone missing a genius.

Hey, son. You remember Detective Williams, Sheriff Roebuck.

Your old man just cracked 4 homicides.

3 years we've been running up against a wall, and he does it sitting at his desk.

Are you going to bring the guy in now?

They are.

It was an amazing piece of detective work, will.

You don't have to call anybody! I'll just go.

Hey, hey, hey! What's going on?

Your friend has enrolled in this school illegally. The phone number that she gave us was out of service,

and the account number on the utility bill was registered to your family, Ms. Girardi. You have to do more than change the address to fool me.

Ok, ok! I'll just leave!

Wait, ok?

The use of fraudulent documentation is a serious offence.

She just wanted to come to Arcadia because you run such a great school, Mr. Price.

That I know, but school zones exist for a reason. Now I'm sorry, Ms. Casper, I'm gonna have to send you back to your district.

You can't! She's--

care to elaborate, Joan?

Uh... no.


Casper, wait!

Come on. Ms. Girardi.

Ms. Girardi.

Uh, I kind of freaked.

That was evident in your work.

I'm sorry.

I don't want an apology.

Your piece, it... hurt me... Made me angry.

I hated it, actually, but it's what I asked you to do.

You wanted me to hurt you?

I wanted you to take a risk,

to put yourself in your work,

to create something that would make people think, would make them feel something,

and that isn't always pleasant or pretty, but... it is art.

And maybe in the future I will be touched by... a stirring portrait of my nobility and charm.


I want to keep on pushing you because, um, that turtle? Let's be honest. Crap on a stick.

Mrs. Girardi, may I have a word with you, please?

I'm with a student, Mr. Price.

Not as a teacher, as a parent.

You met this girl in the park 3 days ago. Now you're willing to get suspended to protect her?

You don't understand!

So explain it!

I can't!

You can, but you won't!


I mean, if you're embarrassed to be with me, why did you even ask me to come?

Will- I'm not embarrassed to be--Luke!

What happened?

I can't really say.

Oh! How come he can get away with that?

Because he's confused. You're lying.

Do I want to know about this?

Oh, you will. So why is Luke so upset?

Apparently because I sent him off to the lab with the science guys. I thought he'd like it, but he got all upset,

saying I'm ashamed of him, that we don't spend any time together, That I dont know who he is.

Well, you don't. Sorry.

He's my son. I know my own son.

Oh. Do you know he has a girlfriend?


Look, dad, I don't blame you. Luke is very weird--

hey, don't lecture me. Aren't you the one who's in trouble here?

She used a fake utility bill to in roll her friend Casper in school, and, for some reason, she would rather get suspended than explain herself to Price.

Joan, I know you've had a hard time making friends.

Dad, I didn't do it because I need a friend.

I did it because she's all alone.

She's homeless, ok? She lives in a really creepy shelter.

She's homeless?

Her dad isn't here so they could take her away from him.

Where's her dad?

Upstate looking for work. She shouldn't have to lose her dad because their luck sucks.

I mean, the reason I jumped-- I had to connect with her, which I did because of her eyes, you know--

she trusts me now! I can't turn her in.

Well, I know the head of child protective services.

They can find her a good home until her dad gets back and they can sort things out.

And I have a friend who runs a jobs program.

You should've talked to us, honey. We're on your side most of the time.

Well, your also a teacher and you're a cop. My life would be a lot easier if you were just... normal loser parents.

You said she trusts you.

Talk to her first thing tomorrow. Get her to call me.

Thanks, dad.

Hey. What are you gonna do about brain boy?

Don't I even get a minute to enjoy my good deed?

All he wanted was to spend time with you.

The way Kevin always did, or...even me when you'd make me kick that stupid soccer ball until my foot fell off.

I thought you liked that.

Well, now you know.

Glynis. His girlfriend's name.

I'm sorry about today.

It's just that...

you're so smart and self-sufficient, I don't know what I have to offer you.

You taught Kevin stuff, and he's smart. Basically.

Kevin likes sports.

I understand sports. You like physics.

Teach me how to throw a curve ball. That's physics.

Do you really want me to?

No, dad, I hate sports, but... today...

I could've stayed with you and watched how you solved that case.

I was embarrassed.

What I'm going through at work... the first time you see what I do... I--I didn't want you to see me as a paper pusher.

Heh! You've got the world's largest blind spot, you know that?

One minute, you discern an oblique pattern that's invisible to mere mortals. The next you cant even see a conclusive certainty that's staring you in the face.

I have no idea what you just said.

You always say that I get my brain from mom.

Well, thats not true, I get it from you.

Then why didn't I understand what you said?

No, dad, it's not about knowledge. It's about how you see the world.

I became a scientist because of you, because you're a detective.

You did?

We're the same.

We both solve puzzles in a universe where there is no certainty, only probability and possibility.

Well, I never... thought of it like that.

Only I live in my head.

You're in the world changing people's lives. Like today.

How could you think I wouldn't want to see that?

This girl, uh, Glynis. You really like her?


Dad, um... when you, um, when you get your gun back, can you take me to the shooting range?

You want to shoot?

Ballistics is applied physics, and... you know, I like to blow stuff up.

Heh heh! Sure. Me, too.

Yo, snow white! What's up?

Hey. I'm just waiting for Casper.

She left. She said her dad was coming back for her.

Did you see him?

No, but she had her bag packed.

Well, what if she just took off by herself?

I don't know.

Want to jump, Joan?

Did her dad really come back?

You did what you were supposed to do.

What a cop-out! You get me all wrapped up in her life and now you're not even gonna tell me what happened to her?

The connection you and Casper have, you think that's gone just because she went away?

Is your connection with Adam gone because he's with Iris? Real connections, they can't be broken by time or space.

I wanted to help her, I wanted to get her a place, get her dad a job.

You can't fix everything, Joan.

She's my friend. I want to know what's gonna happen to her.

I know you do.

But sometimes it's enough to plant the seed, walk away, and let the flower grow on its own.

Yo, snow white, short stuff, want to Dutch?

Come on.