Jimmy Kimmel Live! (2003–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Episode #1.8 - full transcript

Dickey: From Hollywood it's
"Jimmy Kimmel live"!

Tonight -- Anthony Anderson --

from "destroyer", Sebastian
Stan --

this week in unnecessary
censorship --

and music from Jeff goldblum and
the Mildred snitzer orchestra

featuring Haley reinhart --
and now, hold fast, Jimmy

[ Cheers and applause ]

Zbli thank you for watching.
Thank you for coming.

Always glad to see a positive

Today is -- I don't know if you
know this, today's a notable day

here in the United States of

Today is the second anniversary
of Donald Trump being elected

our 45th and final president.
That's right.

I think we all remember where we
were that night two years ago.

I was at bevmo trying to return
a bottle of champagne without a

Times have changed.

Two years ago, our greatest fear
was gluten and now here we are.

You know, they say that on a
night like tonight, if you go

out into the woods, if you
listen very closely, you can

still hear Hillary Clinton

Today also happens to be Jeff

sessions' first day of

President Trump fired his
Attorney General yesterday and

skipped over his deputy attorney
general to install this

His name is Matthew Whitaker.

Matthew Whitaker is quite the

He's reported to have been part
of a secretive anti-democrat

He's repeatedly attacked the

Mueller probe that he will be
overseeing on TV.

He defended Donald Jr.'s totally
above board meeting with the

Russians and he collected all
the infinity stones.

He's also super qualified.
This is for real.

This is the current acting
Attorney General of the united

states, who's now in charge of
our justice department and the

investigation into the guy who
just promoted him.

It's a unique design that's
going to help lots of people

that have mobility issues get in
and use their hot tub in a safe

Jimmy: Well, I hope that's a

hot tub time machine to take us
back to 2012.

Believe it or not, the company
he was promoting turned out to

be a scam and was forced to pay
millions of dollars in damages

after being shut down by the
ftc, but only the best people.

We have got a jacuzzi salesman
Attorney General.

He should jacuze himself from
the Mueller -- reporters now, as

is the custom, going through his
tweets, back years, which always

makes you go, why do I have
Twitter but in Whitaker's case,

this is why you have Twitter, so
you can share hot takes like,

John bon jovi knows how to be a
rock star.

I mean, he's not wrong.
Man knows his way around a Mike

But even better than his tweets

himself is his Twitter header.
This is his current Twitter

Looks like the guy who got

banned from your gym for selling
steroids in the parking lot.

So that's our acting attorney

And while we wait to see what
the future holds for Robert

Mueller's investigation, we do
have some news about Jeff

Jeff sessions is reported to be

thinking about running for his
old senate seat in the 2020

election, which would be
interesting, but in the

meantime, he's launching his own
new fragrance, sessions.

All you need to know about the
way that things are going in

this country is that liberals
are mad Trump fired Jeff

They're marching about it.

That's how upside down the world
has turned.

Here's the other outrageous bit
of daily disgrace in case you

missed it.
President Trump held a press

conference yesterday.
A lot of people saw this.

He got in a heated back and
forth with Jim acosta of CNN and

that spat cost Jim acosta his
press pass.

He's not allowed in the white
house anymore.

Not only did they suspend his
credential, they claim acosta

accosted a female intern while
she was trying to take the

microphone from him.
This is the alleged incident

from yesterday.
You may ask one other

That's enough, that's enough.

Mr. President, I was going
to -- pardon me, ma'am.

Okay, not only did he not
accost her, he said, pardon me,

That's where the hucka-b.S.

Machine comes in.
Sarah huckabee Sanders tweeted a

doctored video clip that they
believe is from infowars, which

is a website for the mentally
unbalanced, in which they sped

up Jim acosta's hand movement to
make it look more violent and

the part where he says, pardon
me, ma'am, they cut the audio

They altered this video.

Take a look here.
It sped up his hand.

And the White House press
secretary tweeted this video.

She wrote, President Trump
believes in a free press and

expects and welcomes tough
questions of him and his

We will, however, never tolerate

a reporter placing his hands on
a young woman just trying to do

her job as a White House intern.
Now, Jim acosta clearly never

touched that White House intern.
That's just a lie.

And I think this also might be
the first time I've seen Sarah

Sanders take the woman's side on
any subject ever, but -- so,

good for her.
Baby steps.

But she should be forced to
resign for that.

I mean, she intentionally
disseminated doctored video

footage to discredit a reputable

She's the White House press

She should be fired for that.
She should be fired.

[ Cheers and applause ]
Sarah huckabee Sanders should be

fired and sent to live in a
joann's fabric store for all the

rest of her days.
And she's not the only one.

Kelleyanne Conway then went to
work, spreading her -- there's

a -- wow, it's like I mentioned
a vampire's name.

She had -- she shared some of
her fakest indignation to date.

It crosses a line.
You don't put your hands on a

I think we all had to hear that

recently in some other context
and I'm not sure that he's

apologized to that young woman
but she certainly is owed one.

Oh, no, she is not.
It is so ridiculous.

You know, it's so dumb, I
decided the best course of

action here is to go right to
the source's mouth and with that

said, please welcome kelleyanne
Conway, who's joining us from

Washington, D.C.
thank you, kelleyanne.

Thanks for having me, Jerry.
Jimmy: What did you say?

Thanks for having me, Jerry.
Jimmy: It's Jimmy, not Jerry.

It's Jimmy Kimmel.
But thank you for joining us.

If I wanted a lecture, Jerry,
I'd go to a Todd talk.

Jimmy: I think it's a Ted
talk, actually, kelleyanne, and

it's Jimmy, also.
Listen, Jerry, it's one thing

to fight me on every name, but
I'd appreciate it if you could

at least not stoop to personal

Jimmy: There was no personal

I just -- in fact, I haven't

said anything.
I just wanted to ask you about

this false allegation you've
made against Jim acosta.

Get your damn hands off me,

How dare you!
Jimmy: Wait a minute.

It's not Jerry, it's Jimmy, and
I didn't touch you.

There's a satellite interview.
How could I even do that?

I have no idea.
Why don't you ask your friend,

George soros.
Jimmy: I don't even -- I

don't know George soros and I
did nothing at all to you.

You can lie all you want, but
the video doesn't.

Roll the tape, guys.
Jimmy: Kelleyanne, that's --

that's hulk hogan fighting the
iron sheik.

That's not us.
At least someone besides the

president is fighting islamic

You attacked me, okay.
Jimmy: I did not attack you.

Roll the other tape.
Jimmy: The other tape?

Oh, my goodness.
Now, that's a YouTube clip.

I've seen that clip.
It's a kid hitting a golf ball

off his dad's face.

That was you hitting me in the
face with a golf club and Jim

acosta cheering you on.
Jimmy: Jim --

these are authentic videos
published on a mixed martial sub

I'm pulling your press pass.

Jimmy: I don't have a press
pass to pull -- well, never

That's kelleyanne from "sesame

meanwhile, well wishes are in

order tonight for supreme court
justice Ruth bader ginsburg.

This is what happens when you
skateboard without a chest pad.

Justice ginsburg fell in her
office and no one is praying

harder for her recovery than the
host of the 700 club, pat

She's a brilliant woman and I

won't take anything from her,
and I think everybody should

pray for her, that she'll be
healed, but it does seem like

she is a little bit over the
hill and the time to say

[ Laughter ]

Jimmy: I don't know -- have
you seen yourself on television,

She's over the hill, you're

under it.
Pat robertson's time to say

good-bye was 1975, just no one
told him.

For obvious reasons, Ruth bader
ginsburg is someone we need to

protect at any cost.
We need her to keep going for

another, like, maybe 80 years,
so -- and I don't just talk.

I take action.
That's my way and I've come up

with something that I think
could help.

This is the Ruth bader g

We've been developing this over
the last year.

We are sending this to
Washington to protect justice

ginsburg from injuries, from
criminals, from bears.

This thing actually is grizzly
bear proof.

Even if a strong gust of wind
were to blow justice ginsburg

into a river, she would be able
to float and move like a

hamster, okay?
We are going to have to figure

out the bathroom situation,
but -- you like it?

Very good.
Thank you, justice ginsburg.

All right.
You know, this has been -- oh,

well, maybe he didn't think that
out, I guess.

All right.
[ Laughter ]

We didn't take everything into
account, okay?

This has been another tough

There have been a lot of ups and

People are stressed out, and we
thought it might be relaxing to

check in on a marijuana shop and
not just any marijuana shop, a

marijuana shop that has a
drive-through window.

This is -- this exists.
That's the nuwu cannabis

It's the world's largest

It's open 24 hours a day in las

It's like a thcvs in there.

They've got everything and they
have a drive-through window and

what is your name?
I am tisha.

Jimmy: Hi, tisha, how you

Good, how are you?
Jimmy: Tisha, are you -- you

live in Las Vegas, I assume?

I've been here since '94.
We went to the -- together.

Jimmy: What's that?
Say that again.

We went to the same high
school together.

Jimmy: You went to Clark high

We didn't go together.
And now you're selling drugs, so

they did a great job.
You work the drive-through

window there, tisha, and I
believe we have a customer right

Hi, what's your name?

My name is Kimberly.
Jimmy: What are you buying

I'm buying peanut butter --

Jimmy: Peanut butter what?

Peanut butter bread og and
Wi-Fi og.

Jimmy: They just pick -- it's
like a hopper and they pick

crazy names out and they name
them that, right?

Jimmy: Is there any hint of

peanut butter in your og?
I hope so.

Jimmy: Yeah.
Now, you're not a cop, right?

You have to tell us if you're a

No, no, I'm not a cop.
Jimmy: All right.

I want to give you a quick
little quiz, all right?

If you get it right, you win a

What does thc stand for?
The --

Jimmy: You've got 40 minutes.
Jimmy: The highest count.

Jimmy: No.
That is not correct.

We're looking for a chemical

Do you know what cbd stands for?
Chemical balance --

Jimmy: No.
You're again off track.

What about ibs?
Do you know what ibs is?

It's some [ Bleep ].
[ Cheers and applause ]

Jimmy: Well, we've been on
the air almost 16 years and I

just realized there will never
be a funnier moment than that.

Hey, Jimmy, do you want to
meet my dog?

Jimmy: You've got a dog

What is your dog's name?
His name is meatball.

Jimmy: Shouldn't his name be

He works in a pot shop, right?
Wow, he's adorable.

So he comes to work with you
every day?

Every day, Monday through

Jimmy: Never gets into the

My stash at home, yes.
Jimmy: He does, yeah.

That's dangerous, though, right?
Or maybe it isn't.

I don't know.
It keeps him mellow.

Jimmy: Dogs are high already
as it is.

What do they do?
They lay around and drool, maybe

they'll watch some TV and then
you feed them.

Any time they see food, they eat

There's your package.
Thank you for stopping by.

We should give her a prize
because ibs was a fantastic

What do we have for her there?

We have some discounted
Halloween candy.

Jimmy: There you go.
All right.

All right, let's take a break.
We'll go back, though.

We'll check in with Anthony

We have music from Jeff goldblum
and Haley reinhart Sebastian

Stan is here and we'll be right
back with Anthony Anderson.

Jimmy: Good idea.
Tonight, from the forthcoming

movie, he stars with Nicole
Kidman, it's called "destroy,"

Sebastian Stan is with us.
Then later, their album comes

out tomorrow it's called "the
capital studio sessions" Jeff

goldblum and the Mildred snitzer
orchestra featuring Haley

reinhart, from the Mercedes-Benz

Next week, what do we have going
on next week?

Next week, we have new shows
with Jeff Bridges, Kurt Russell,

Emily blunt, lin Manuel Miranda,
s.E. Cupp, Tessa Thompson, taron

egerton, plus music from
oh, also we have a big surprise

guest whose name I'm not allowed
to announce but when I do, I'm

really going to do it.
We'll also have music from

midland, Jake Owen, and Kane

[ Cheers and applause ]
Jimmy: Our first guest turns

the world on with his smile.
He has been nominated repeatedly

terrific show "black-ish" the
prince-themed 100th episode airs

Tuesday at 9pm on abc, please
say hello to Anthony Anderson.

[ Cheers and applause ]
Jimmy: Yeah.

How you doing.
I see you.

All right.
All right.

Jimmy: I like your ensemble.
Yes, sir.

Jimmy: You look good.
How is everything?

Everything is great, man.
Everything's great.

Jimmy: Can I talk to you
about something personal and I

don't know if you want to get
into this, stop me if you don't.

All right.
Let's not.

Jimmy: At the emmys.

Jimmy: Okay.

Night of the emmys, well, I see
you, I walk over, I go to say

hello, and you seem, I don't
know, something's up.

Jimmy: Right.

Jimmy: So you have -- Anthony

has a stalker, not a dangerous

Not yet.
Jimmy: Not yet.

A woman who follows him,

literally, everywhere he goes
and it's annoying and she's just

always there.
She's always there to the point

that I know her name now.

Jimmy: So, she is -- anyway,
last year, the stalker has now

become friends with your mother.

Jimmy: Your mother.

Jimmy: Doris has welcomed the
stalker into her life.

They take vacations together.
Jimmy: They are close.

True story.
They do.

They take trips together.
Jimmy: 100% true.

Jimmy: So, last year at the

emmys, you invited you mom,
which was nice, and she brought,

as her date, your stalker.

Jimmy: This year, you're
like, you know what, mom?

You brought my stalker last
year, not bringing me this year.

Jimmy: I go up to you.

You just -- you don't say

You just motion like this and I
see your mother and your

And I said, you brought them

And you said what?

They're seat fillers.

My mother and the stalker
decided, because I didn't give

them tickets to this year's
emmys, that they were going to

be in the house and they
registered and became seat

fillers for the emmys that
night, so I'm sitting front row,

you know as we always do,
waiting for the category to come

up and my mother taps me on my
shoulder and I'm like, hey, mom,

what are you doing here?
And lo and behold, the stalker

walks up, hey, baby, we're seat

So, my mother will always find a
way to get into a party, invited

or not.
Love you, mama.

Jimmy: Yeah, that's just --
that's, I mean, I hear a lot of

stories about people's parents
but that's right at the top of

You know how crazy she is.

Jimmy: You went to the world

You're a Dodgers fan.

Jimmy: You brought the family
to the Dodgers game.

Brought the family because
frank, the national director of

the boys and girls club -- I'm a
club kid.

I grew up in the boys and girls

And I was also inducted into the
boys and girls club hall of fame

last year.
So this year --

[ applause ]
Thank you.

So this year, I get a call, you
know, to come to the dodger game

to, you know, deliver the first

I'm like, oh, okay, cool, so I
get there and I'm like, all

right, I'm ready.
I'm on the field, I got the

family with me.
But I knew something was up when

I spoke to frank earlier that

I was like, so, man, did you
guys have a Jersey with my name

on it?
He was like, no, but I got a

boys and girls club hat and I
was like, last time I threw the

pitch out last year, you need to
have the Jersey.

So I go get my Jersey, I bring
it, I get there.

Things are a little different.
I'm on the field, with the

players and all that, and I'm
being rushed.

I was like, hold on, they got to
sing the national anthem.

We got time.
They were like, no, no, you got

to be here.
And I said, frank, you lied to

I said, man, you said I was

going to throw out the first

He said, no, no, Anthony, I did
not tell you that.

I told you you would deliver the
first pitch.

I was like, yes, frank, I'm an

I will deliver the first pitch
over home plate like I always

Delivering the first pitch is

bringing the ball out to the

That's not a pitch.
Frank, that's not a pitch!

I got the family out there.
Like, oh, my daddy, my uncle, my

brother, he's going to throw out
the first pitch.

I had to just walk out and put

the ball on the dirt and walk
back out.

Jimmy: You were like post

I was.
They didn't even say my name.

Dude, bring the ball out!
Jimmy: Was the family -- did

they make fun of you when you
got back?

They're still making fun of
me, Jimmy.

Jimmy: Yeah.
But it was a great time.

I ended up in a suite next to --
sandwiched in between Angela

bassett and Courtney b. Vance
and Bob costas and Pedro

Martinez, so I take a picture
with Pedro Martinez and as soon

as I took the picture, I smiled
and I leaned in and I was like,

sorry we kicking y'all ass
tonight and he laughed and he

said something slick and walked
off and as soon as I said that,

they hit a three-run homer to
get back into the game.

I posted the picture and said,
damn it, I should have never

said that.
Pedro Martinez responded.

He was like, yeah, I told you
that at the game.

The game is 27 outs.
Y'all only had one.

Jimmy: Interesting.
And he was a dodger, by the way.

Jimmy: So in a way, he was

working undercover there,

infiltrating dodger stadium.
Do you want to check in at las

Vegas, see who's buying weed

Who is that?
Jimmy: That's a 24-hour

marijuana drive-through.
Oh, hey!

I saw your dog.

Jimmy: That's meatball.

He's high.
Jimmy: He's definitely high.

He's asleep.
Tisha, you have a customer

Hi there, what's your name?

Jimmy: What's happening?

What are you buying today,

Some og kush, cookie face.
Jimmy: Cookie face?

Got it.
Jimmy: Is that why you look

like that?
That's cookie face.

Shannon, I have a feeling this
is not the only drive-through

you'll be hitting tonight.
What does ibs stand for?

Jimmy: Oh, great question.
Oh, Shannon.

You can win a prize if you
tell us what ibs stand for.

I'll bring the food.
Jimmy: Yeah, that's right.

Close enough.
Give him a prize, tisha.

You win.
You win.

Jimmy: What is that, tisha?
It's two tickets to cirque du

Jimmy: That's the perfect

place to go.
All right.

Tisha, give him an extra cookie
face on me.

For real.
Jimmy: All right.

Thank you, man, and thank you,

Anthony Anderson is with us.
"Black-ish," the 100th episode

is Tuesday night.
We'll be right back with more

after this.
Dicky: Portions of "Jimmy

Kimmel live" are brought to you
by liquid plumr.

Prince changed my life.
When I took your mom out for the

first time, it was all bad.
She broke her shoe.

I spilled ketchup on her dress.
No way I had the confidence to

kiss her good night.
So, good night?

Good night.
But then I thought to myself,

what would prince do?

♪ You don't have to be beautiful
to turn me on ♪

Jimmy: Anthony Anderson.
On the 100th episode of

I haven't seen it yet.

Jimmy: It's really good.
I saw it.

I haven't seen it.
I mean, I saw that, but I

haven't seen it yet.
Oh, wow.

Jimmy: What other songs?
Do you remember which songs you

guys did?
We did "kiss."

"When doves cry."
"Erotic city."

Tracee does "erotic city."
Junior does "sexy [ Bleep ]."

Little Jack, he's the one that

didn't believe in the music or
understand it, so it's a

whole --
Jimmy: It's a great,

actually, it's a really -- it's
a very relatable thing as a

parent to -- when your kids
don't like the your music and

you don't like their music.

Jimmy: And you always, no
matter what age you are, think,

our music was the good music and
whatever you're listening to is


Every generation has that.
Jimmy: Do you think -- you

knew prince.
Prince was a friend of yours.

Is that -- is it fair to say he
was a friend?

We were friendly with a
capital "f."

Jimmy: Okay.
You had been to his house.

No, no, definitely.
Any time somebody calls you up

and is like, hey, man, I want
you to be at this party.

Prince says you haven't been to
the show yet.

Every time I was at a show, he
found out I was there and

brought me on stage.
Jimmy: So in a way, you were

his stalker.
Although I guess --

I was an invited stalker.
Jimmy: The rare invited --

the welcome stalker.

Jimmy: You are -- this is
national diabetes month.

It is.
Jimmy: And you are a

spokesman for -- and this is an
anti-diabetes thing.

Yeah, it is.
And you know, we've come up with

a campaign called get real about

There's a Facebook page and you
can go to get real about

and how to deal with it and live
with it and not die from it.

Jimmy: This is something that
you deal with.

I've been a type 2 diabetic for

17 years now.
And lost my father to

complications of diabetes.
My mother's a type 2 diabetic so

it's something that I'm
passionate about, about

spreading the word, you know, to
my community about what we can

do to prevent it from happening
to us.

Jimmy: Very good.
[ Applause ]

You're doing great stuff.
Anthony Anderson.

Watch the 100th episode of
"black-ish" Tuesday at 9:00 here

on abc.
We'll be right back.

Jimmy: Hi there, welcome back
to the show.

Sebastian Stan, plus music from
Jeff goldblum and the Mildred

snitzer orchestra featuring
Haley reinhart is on the way but

first, it's Thursday night which
means it's time to bleep and

blur the big TV moments of the
week whether they need it or

it is this week in unnecessary

And we're back with the major

breaking news, President Trump
[ Bleep ] Attorney Jeff

Senator, real quick, if

anyone's going to ever [ Bleep ]
a [ Bleep ] in the senate, it's

always been you.
I want to [ Bleep ] the

Remember, friends don't let

friends [ Bleep ] alone.
[ Bleep ] a family member,

[ bleep ] A neighbor, [ Bleep ]
A coworker.

Positive populism.
We're popping our [ Bleep ].

Pilots call it the birdie
[ Bleep ] smell but don't let

the silly sound of that fool

If you win, would you
[ Bleep ] President Trump and

stand on the rnc stage and
[ Bleep ] him next time around.

Martha, I've already
[ Bleep ] President Trump and in

fact the president came.
Another president out on the

trail with a horse [ Bleep ] in
Virginia today.

Barack Obama.
I watched him speak today.

He had a very small [ Bleep ].
Nay don't talk about that.

And they never talked about how
big our [ Bleep ] are.

Jimmy: Never.

We'll be right back with
Sebastian Stan.

Jimmy: Music from Jeff
goldblum up next.

When we last saw our next guest,
he had turned to dust but now

he's back and fully intact
alongside Nicole Kidman in the

new movie "destroyer." It opens
Christmas day, please welcome

Sebastian Stan.
[ Cheers and applause ]

Very good to see you.
You know --

I'm so excited.
I finally have you to myself.

Jimmy: The last times you
were here, you were surrounded

by avengers.
A lot of men last time I was

Jimmy: A lot of men.

One woman as I recall.

Jimmy: It's good to have you
all to myself here.

Thank you.
Thank you.

I brought you a lot of leg

Jimmy: Oh, hello.
Even some ballet slippers, I

Jimmy: Of all the actors

in "the avengers," be honest,
which one do you like least?

Which one do you have the most
trouble getting along with?

Oh, dear god.
You know the man.

Tom Holland is a problem.
I didn't have to wear a

spider-man suit tonight.
Jimmy: He might be the nicest

kid in the world, right?
That kid.

He keeps adding a lot of hair

gel to make up for things.
Jimmy: I see.

You -- I want to ask you a

You've had enough probably
of "the avengers" and stuff like

But first of all, how did you

know you were going to be one of
the people who dissolved?

Well, I really didn't.
It was actually my stuntman,

James young, that told me onset
that day that, you know, he was

like, oh, you kn
to have this mat and you're

going to fall and I was like,
fall where?

And he was like, just falling
because the thing -- but it's

the air -- and he never
completed his sentences.

T it's the thing from up there

but -- I said, hold on.
He said, Anthony will know, one

of the brothers, the director, I
said, Anthony, what's happening?

He said, talk to Joe.
So I went up to Joe and I said,

hey, Joe, what's going on?
He goes, did you talk to

I said, yeah, I know.

He said, no, you're just going
to -- you know -- and I was

like, am I dying?
You know, but -- so it was very

cryptic but that's how I found

Jimmy: Interesting that the
stuntman would be told and you

But now, there is talk that your

character and the falcon will
have a show -- a show together.

Called "Miami vice."
Jimmy: You have the outfit

for it.
Listen --

Jimmy: That would be great if
that's the angle they took.

You guys are in Miami, you know?
Bucky Barnes in the comic books,

bucky becomes captain America.

Jimmy: Yeah?
Has that been discussed with you

at all on any kind of a level?
No, no.

Jimmy: It has not.
Not really, no.

It's usually, like, you know,
it's like a dream.

It just sort of -- people might
mention something but it's

never -- we never go that way.
Jimmy: It would be

interesting because you are not
from America.

Jimmy: You are -- you were

born in Romania.
Romania, yeah.

Jimmy: How long were you in

I was there until I was 8 and
then I moved to Vienna for four

My mom was a pianist at the time

and I came to New York.
Jimmy: Very classy.

Does she have the Romanian

It's a lot of trauma but
yeah, it sounds really great.

You know, you're moving a lot
and I think --

Jimmy: And you're moving a

You're moving a piano.
You're worrying if the piano

will fall on you.
You know?

But yeah, I was very lucky,
though, because you know, I got

exposed to a lot of different
cultures and languages and I

grew up Christian orthodox but
we lived with a Jewish family

for a while, and it's much more
than religion.

We were very superstitious.
My mom was always --

Jimmy: That's a big thing in
Romanian culture.

It literally has a little bit of

Jimmy: And I believe some of

my relatives are Italian by way
of Romania, according to what I

have heard from spitting into a
tube and mailing it to someone.

Oh, god.
Jimmy: And yes, my family is

superstitious, especially the
older part of the family.

It's exactly like that.

You know, like my grandmother
would have, you know, coffee.

They would sit around and have
coffee and they would make it

from scratch, and then drink it
and then wait for it to ferment

and then put a plate over it and
flip it over and read it like a

Jimmy: They would look at the

stain or the grounds.
In the coffee cup.

Jimmy: What would that tell?
That we're all dying.

Jimmy: Yeah.
No --

Jimmy: And did she indeed
pass away?

She did
Jimmy: Oh, wow.

I have to knock on wood.
Jimmy: Don't drink coffee is

what you need to do.
It's very hard.

Jimmy: Did your mother do
that stuff too?

Of course.

I mean, she has dreams and then,
you know, I've gotten used to my

mom because, like now, when she
calls me, I just immediately

pick up the phone and I just
say, please don't.

Because it's always some dream
that she's had, you know.

Jimmy: Worry bing about you?
Of course.

I'm an only child.
Jimmy: I wonder how she feels

about this.
I would imagine this is

something that she feels good

Your new movie, "destroyer,"
with Nicole Kidman, what is the

character you play in this

He's an undercover cop.
They're both undercover cops,

and you know, undercover cops
are a lot like actors because

they have to live on the edge
and they can get lost in their

characters and stuff, kind of
what happens.

Jimmy: They're acting for

They're like actors but they're
in danger whereas you're getting

make-up put on.

Exactly like that.

Jimmy: Let's not go too crazy
with the undercover cops are

like actors.
So you play this cop.

And so the two of us infiltrate

this meth gang who is now
transferred into, you know, kind

of getting weapons from outside
sources, and so we have to

pretend to be lovers together,
which was really hard.

Jimmy: Yeah, I know, that's

For me.
Jimmy: Again, something most

undercover cops don't get to do.
But look forward to.

And -- but it was great because
it was such a transformation.

And this incredible director,
you know, he was like, we want

to try to change your look and
any time that happens, I'm very

happy, and so I said, all right,
let's get some tattoos going.

But I really want to personalize
the tattoos.

I don't have any tattoos but if
I did, what would I have.

I was like, I feel like this guy
would have a giant picture of

his mom on his bicep so I asked
my mom for a bunch of pictures

and I got them on my bicep.
Jimmy: We have a photo of

This is a real tattoo you have

on your body?
That's my mom's picture.

I mean, you know, and --
Jimmy: Get in closer there if

you can.
And I sent this to her with

the hopes of freaking her out
and going, what's happened to my

son but the only thing she
texted me back, because we text,

was, wow, I look really great.
And I was like, okay.

Jimmy: So there are no
Romanian superstitions about

getting your mom tattooed on
your body.

She's okay with that.

Jimmy: Great to see you.
The movie is called "destroyer."

It opens Christian -- Christmas

Well, it is Christian day,

Sebastian Stan, everybody.
We'll be right back with Jeff

goldblum and Haley reinhart.
Dicky: The "Jimmy Kimmel

live" concert series is
presented by Mercedes-Benz, the

best or nothing.
Dicky: The "Jimmy Kimmel

live" concert series is
presented by Mercedes wedbenz,

best or nothing.
Jimmy: I want to thank

Anthony Anderson and Sebastian
Stan apologies to Matt Damon.

This is their album "the capital
studios sessions" here with the

song "my baby just cares for

Jeff goldblum and the Mildred
snitzer orchestra featuring

Haley reinhart!

♪ My baby don't care for
shows my baby don't care

for clothes my baby he
just cares for me ♪

♪ my baby don't care for
the cars and races

my baby don't care for
ooh high-tone places ♪

♪ Liz Taylor is not
his style and even Lana

Turner's smile
ooh somethin' he can't see ♪

♪ well my baby don't care
who knows

my baby just cares for me ♪

♪ baby my baby don't

care for shows
and he don't even care ♪

♪ for clothes
my baby just cares for me ♪

♪ my Jeffy don't care for ooh
the cars and races ♪

♪ my baby don't care for
ooh high-tone places ♪

♪ Liz Taylor is not
his style and even

liberace's smile ♪
♪ he just doesn't see

♪ my baby don't care
oh no ♪

♪ my baby just cares for
I said my baby just cares for

my baby just cares for me ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]