Jessica Jones (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - A.K.A The Perfect Burger - full transcript
Some things you look at
and you think, "Perfect.
There is no question. It's just... right."
Other things are clearly wrong.
But right and wrong
aren't a P.I.'s highest priority
until she gets the bright idea
to branch out and give a shit.
- Cassie Yasdan?
- Yeah?
I'm Jessica Jones.
I'm taking you back to your mother.
Hey. What the hell do you want?
Just responding to an Amber Alert.
Oh, she's not kidnapped. I'm her father.
You lost custody.
Come on. Get your things.
- Dad?
- Look...
I... I had a crap-ass lawyer
and a vindictive ex-wife.
Now, you're a criminal,
taking a minor out of the country,
forging documents.
I had to get Cassie away from her mother.
She's toxic.
Wow. You're the first ex-husband
to ever say that.
- Come on. Let's go.
- I'm staying with my dad.
He's the bad guy.
Yeah, says my ex-wife.
Says the law, asshole.
The US law. We're not in the US.
We're about to be.
Hey, look, don't make me get physical.
Dude, quit messing around.
Aren't superheroes
supposed to save people?
Captain America
would never have done this.
Cassie! Sweetheart!
Oh! I was so worried. Thank you so much.
Yeah, thanks.
What...
He's made me the bad cop again.
She'll come around.
Yeah, after I put his ass in jail.
And the hell if I'll let her visit him.
Um...
it would probably be easier on Cassie
if you just let it go.
You think I'm hard on her?
The situation is hard.
So you're a hero and a child psychologist?
You think you can judge me?
I'm beginning to.
After you weaseled a free trip
to Mexico out of me?
Real noble,
taking advantage of a single mom.
Your sliding scale fee just slid to zero,
you third-rate Joan Jett wannabe!
I hate heroism.
You got 30,000 views.
Holy shit!
Did you see that? Who is that chick?
Great.
I know. Was the girl okay? Was she hurt?
She was on her way to a sunburn.
But you saved her?
From her dad?
Yeah, Vido, I saved the girl.
Wish I had been there.
You would've taken a better video.
Me, too. I used to hang
with some bad company.
No, not a gang, but there was
this one really controlling person.
- No.
- It's the same color, sans the fleas.
Get rid of it.
No, this person didn't want to kill me...
that I know of.
Very passive-aggressive, though.
Okay, it is different,
but my point is is that some people
feel threatened by change.
It is comfortable.
It's going away.
Hold on a sec.
Ex-gang member trying to start over,
but the gang thinks otherwise.
Sliding scale?
Why do they even call it that?
It's pro bono. Zero money.
You could beat up a whole gang.
Put him on the list.
Mateo, email me your information.
I'm Gillian.
You've got a hero on your side now.
I told you to stop saying that.
And yet I continue to say it. Weird, huh?
Your docket is empty.
The wait list is growing. Pick one.
Can any of them pay full freight?
Sure, 'cause helpless people
are always rich.
- You choose.
- I don't care enough.
I'll choose. Gimme.
Four-fifty-nine. Shift's over.
I'm busy this weekend,
so you won't be able to reach me.
I never want to reach you.
You working a case?
I'm working a mimosa over brunch,
then a play, game night.
- I'm a people person.
- You really aren't.
You're hardly the arbiter.
Five. Exactly.
Couch stays.
Asshole.
Why don't you just fire her?
You don't even like her.
That's why I keep her around.
Makes it easier
to maintain a healthy distance.
Is that good?
It works.
With everyone but me.
Don't press your luck, kid.
Gotta go. Friday family dinner.
You can come.
I got work to do.
I like numbers two and six.
Giving a shit
and doing something about it.
That's how my mother defined a hero.
Though she wasn't exactly an expert.
She thought I had what it takes.
I am not so sure.
She had... hope.
I didn't want it, but she passed it
down to me like a trick elbow.
And now it's the only thing
I have of hers.
Here.
- Thanks.
- Yeah, sure.
Mrs. Chin move out?
To a retirement community. I upgraded.
- Babe, is that the dessert?
- Yeah. Zaya, you remember Jessica.
Oh, yeah, from next door. Hi.
Well, have a good night.
The cookies have landed!
- Okay.
- Okay.
With a loss
of seven on that sack, it's the second...
Channel 782.
The customer is always right.
Only if they tip well.
It has the vintage look
of a classic wood-burning stove
but fits seamlessly with any modern decor.
And it's completely electric,
which blows my mind,
because this fire looks so real
and yet the heat is completely adjustable
with this handy remote.
That's right.
Now, those are...
I see you got here early.
I had work to avoid.
Speaking of,
let me buy you yet another drink.
You saved the girl.
Is that what I did?
The mom called and said
you got her daughter back.
I'm guessing she said
a lot more than that.
She may have referred to you
as part of the, uh, female anatomy.
Feeling's mutual.
Nobody forced the case on you.
I just mentioned it in passing.
Next time, in passing,
maybe mention someone worth helping.
Assholes need saving, too...
from bigger assholes.
It's a sliding scale.
You could stop.
Maybe leave the heroics
to, uh, trained professionals
who are committed to the rule of law
and subject to oversight.
Is that why you came here, Detective?
To tell me to stop?
I wanted to restate
the terms of our agreement.
I throw you a case or two,
and you don't break the law.
That was the deal.
Our deal was to not let you
catch me breaking the law.
It's kind of hard to look
the other way when you have 80,000 hits.
It's entertaining, but it's assault.
It's out of your jurisdiction, Costa.
Just keep your eye on the line.
Don't go over it.
Russell knows I'm meeting you.
He, uh...
he made me promise to come home sober.
What a good guy you are.
I know.
Lucky you.
Hello, Jess.
Do you want to leave down the elevator
or out the window?
I want to hire you.
Trish is missing.
Call someone who gives a shit.
Oh, for God's sake. Let me just explain.
You want to hit me?
Go ahead if it'll get you to listen.
I don't want to be here
any more than you want me here.
But 24 hours ago,
Trish just fell off the map.
What a hideous piece of furniture.
I love it.
Well, I should have seen it coming.
She's been late for appointments,
distracted...
out all night, she won't say where.
But she has never missed work
until yesterday.
She could be using again,
or in danger or worse.
If that's what Trish wants to do,
then that's her business.
I will pay you.
No.
Please.
Something's wrong.
No.
I have no one else to go to.
The police would be an obvious choice.
But you're afraid that would get out.
Always protecting her brand.
Yes, because that's all I can do.
But you can do more. A lot more.
You explained. I listened. Get out.
I know something happened
between the two of you
around your mother's death,
but Trish had nothing to do with that.
Don't talk about my mother.
Ever.
I understand. Family is family.
But Trish is your family, too.
Nothing can undo that.
You have a chance to save her life.
Been there, done that.
Get out.
Trish was the only good thing about you.
Alias Inve...
Alias Inve...
Hello? What?
Take me off the speakerphone.
Just talk, Hogarth.
I need you.
Hogarth?
I'm in here!
If we're doing another favor swap,
there's a video I'm gonna need taken down.
The beach toss. Certainly not the image
you're trying to convey.
Yeah, it was taken out of context.
I'll look into a cease and desist.
I'm glad to see you're still committed
to your new aspirations.
- I am relying on that.
- For?
A lot of people rely on me now,
so cut to the chase.
This...
is my plan for the future...
so that my life doesn't end
in pain and indignity.
Every day, I wake up and I ask myself,
"Is this the day that I take these?"
The answer has been no,
until this morning.
I felt the first significant symptoms
of the ALS.
So, do you need something?
The symptoms passed. Today isn't the day.
But, uh, what it made me realize
is that when that day comes, I am...
not gonna be able to do it.
I don't have it in me.
I am going to need someone
that I can rely on
to slip me the pills without me knowing.
- I need a friend, Jessica.
- We're friends?
Okay. Name your price.
Why ask me?
Because of your ability
to make hard choices.
Like killing someone.
I've done it before, so it should be easy?
Those were different circumstances.
I am asking you to do this.
Ice or no ice?
No ice.
So how does this work?
The time comes
that you're sick enough to die...
What? Do you tell me?
I can't know it's coming.
So I just drop by one day
and I think, "Wow, Jeri looks like shit."
Or, "Jeri's speech is slurred."
"Well, she just dropped that glass."
What's my cue?
You follow your instincts.
Well, maybe my instincts
tell me it's now.
Don't mock me.
You just look the other way.
Go on, look over there.
You'll never even see it coming.
Stop it. These are hard to get.
- How many do you think it would take?
- I don't know.
If it's too many,
it would blow the surprise.
And not enough,
you'll probably just puke it up,
but if you're lucky,
maybe you'll choke on your own vomit.
What, you think this is funny?
- Give it a test run.
- You don't know what this is like!
- You have no idea! Stop!
- I gotta get it right.
This isn't what I planned
for myself.
I had people around me.
No one can plan for this.
I need to get ready for work.
I will, uh, look into the video.
It's okay. I'll deal.
I'll take care of it.
- God damn it.
- Hey.
You all right? You need an ambulance?
No, just a new pair of pants.
Okay, still, you should
get that checked out.
I'm okay.
No thanks to that drunk asshole.
He jumped the curb, comes right at me,
and wasn't even looking up.
I think he was jerking off.
Jesus.
He should be in jail.
Or thrown out of professional baseball.
You know who that is?
That's Cody Willamet.
So I'm guessing
you're gonna want to sue him, right?
Someone's gotta teach him a lesson.
He will not learn it,
and you will be eaten alive.
He's rich. He's famous.
Plus, the team has
the best lawyer in New York.
I should know. I work for her.
- Shit. He said he was calling the police.
- He called my employer.
He can't do this to people.
Actually, he can.
However, there is at least one thing
that you can get out of this.
The keys are still in the ignition.
Take it to Juan's Auto Body off the BQE.
Tell 'em Malcolm Ducasse sent you.
- I'm not gonna steal the dude's car.
- It's not his car.
Not anymore.
Hey, man. Shit's messed up.
- Sign this.
- What are you doing?
It's a transfer of title. Sign it.
It's all yours...
if you can agree
to keep this incident to yourself.
Sure, yeah. I agree.
In writing, please.
Hey, it wasn't my fault.
The guy came out of nowhere.
You said that the last two times.
Shit.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm sorry, man. It won't happen again.
Thank you, buddy.
You're doing God's work, man.
Just two AA batteries are all you need
for these festive lanterns
to light up your next backyard cookout.
Aren't these just precious?
This would add a touch
of fairy-tale romance to any decor.
And we've got the classic white, the...
She's not missing, per se.
I'm just asking if you've seen her.
I'm planning a surprise.
- A surprise?
- Yeah, a goddamn surprise.
That's baloney.
Well, fine, you're not invited.
Trish?
Text me her credit card numbers
and bills, the last person who saw her.
Jessie?
Amelia Earhart.
Names and contacts of her friends at work.
Oh, thank God.
You do that.
Are her security door codes
still the same?
She doesn't have a security door
at her new place.
She moved?
She sold her condo
and everything else she owned.
Text me her address.
Well, I've got a key.
I'll meet you there in... in an hour?
In the morning.
Thank you.
Just bring a big fat check.
Friends and family discount?
- Sleep it off.
- You sleep it off.
Taking a life changes a person.
It definitely changed me.
Looks like it changed Trish, too.
You're late, as usual.
You're a boil on humanity's ass, as usual.
We should get to work.
Um, "we"?
I don't know
why she chose this rathole.
It's a dump.
Even after I rescued her career,
she refused to leave.
Said it suits her needs.
When did she become such a slob?
She's educating herself.
- About what?
- Everything.
Well, that's good, right?
Maybe it's a man.
Men always muck things up.
No man.
A woman? That'd be a relief.
And very au courant.
She traded her Cal King
for a single futon.
She doesn't want anybody
getting too comfortable.
She's hiding out.
Where?
Here.
Well, at least she's keeping fit.
Blood.
What? Oh, my God. Oh, God.
- What does that mean?
- It means shut up.
Oh, I tried that already. It's locked.
I'm in.
You know her password.
I'm with her all the time now,
but I know her less than ever.
I used to be jealous of you.
Oh, yeah.
You two were closer
than any two blood sisters I'd ever seen.
You were her protector.
She was your conscience.
You must miss that.
Rude!
Trish sees things
in black and white, right and wrong.
Or... she used to.
Maybe now she asks herself
the same question I do...
"Who the hell am I to judge?"
My answer is a fifth of whiskey.
What's Trish's answer?
And where did she go to find it?
Why is she staying here?
Trish has everything she needs
for a stakeout.
What is she looking for?
And who is she watching?
- Ah. Is your boss in?
- She's waiting on a video conference.
Thanks.
- Got it.
- What?
A nondisclosure agreement
from the latest guy Cody almost killed.
Good.
I just put an entitled drunk
back on the road.
I'm not sure that qualifies as good.
Okay. Effective.
My job title is "Investigator,"
not "Fixer."
Well, I hired both.
If you don't like the job anymore, leave.
- Wow. Good to know.
- Okay, what I meant
was that you are good at both.
And I need both.
Lean into your potential.
What you meant was,
"Shit or get off the pot."
Like I said, you're good at this.
Look, I'm willing to pay my dues.
I just want to make sure this is worth it.
Well, with the experience you get here,
along with my eventual recommendation,
you'll be able to launch
your own P.I. firm.
Excuse me, Jeri.
I just looked over the Bauer case.
They need to know if we're in or out.
I think it's a winner.
Run with it.
This firm could use some wins right now.
I'll get into it.
She'll have her name
on that door before long.
Malcolm, you are a valuable employee,
but I don't want to have
this conversation again.
You need to decide what you actually want
and then reconcile it however you can.
They're ready in London.
Char, uh, this benefit concert tonight,
make a platinum-level donation and then
put the address in my calendar, please.
String quartet. Sounds nice.
- Just trying to do some good.
- Hmm.
Half of my job is about waiting.
For a clue.
For the truth.
For a clear sign that I'm not wasting
my goddamn time.
I'm not really sure
what I'm waiting for now.
Here we go.
Wait. Where are you going?
Jesus.
Get the hell out of there.
You're that powered chick from the video.
Get out of my way!
- Stay down.
- Like hell I will!
Are you crazy?
- What the hell?
- I didn't need you to save me.
Except when you had a gun
pointed at your head.
- Or are you bulletproof, too?
- No.
Thanks. That clears things up.
I'm late for work.
As what? Are you a cat burglar?
Excuse me, a super cat burglar?
I wasn't stealing. I was getting justice.
Or trying to.
So...
Karl's near-fatal experiment worked.
I would have told you earlier
if you'd returned any of my calls.
You know why I didn't.
You let that prick get away.
There is a sculpture in his safe
that would have linked him to an assault.
The safe with the gun in it?
Yes. That's why I triggered the alarm.
I knew he'd go for his gun.
That is the most moronic plan
I have ever heard.
I have been tracking
that asshole for weeks.
And... Now he's gone.
So maybe it is better
if you just stay out of the way.
Why? Because you're a hero now?
Yes.
The world's moral compass
who knows good from bad?
Maybe.
And now, I am finally equipped
to do something about it.
So it was worth it, then.
What you did to me.
Because you got what you wanted.
You don't get it, Jess. You're free.
You always said
you didn't ask for this, but I did.
So you can stop trying,
and feeling guilty and inadequate.
I don't need you to be a hero.
Nobody does.
I've got it covered.
Your mother is looking for you.
Call her so I can get paid.
I'm so sorry.
- Cody... Cody, you can't do that.
- Come on.
- Cody. Cody, you're drunk.
- Would you just lighten up?
Come on, give me your keys.
Am I your bitch?
Do I look like somebody's bitch?
Get in the car.
Screw you.
Screw me? Screw you.
Now, I want to share with you
one of my favorite pieces
from the collection.
This light and bright cotton tank.
I love the cute little
buttons in the front.
It's such beautiful detailing.
Right? And you'll notice that the strap
perfectly hides her bra.
But why don't designers
think of details like that?
Well, we did. And it comes in...
Just turn it off.
- Thought you liked this show.
- My favorite.
You can just throw it on
with skinnies and a pair of heels
and take yourself out for a fancy dinner.
Thank you for supporting
the Zoey Lyonne Arts Scholarship.
Zoey loved music, and she is
smiling down on us from above.
So please go enjoy some
champagne and...
keep writing those checks.
Thank you.
I'm surprised.
And delighted?
Curious.
I'll take it.
I thought we'd
run into each other eventually.
It only took 25 years.
Also, it's not a coincidence.
I, um, I give every year.
That I would have noticed.
What? You never wondered
who "Anonymous" was?
Yeah, I've been just working up the nerve
to actually attend.
Then I am...
delighted.
Ah. There you are.
Beautifully played, my love.
This is my husband, Peter.
Peter, this is Jeryn Hogarth.
Oh. Wow. The Jeryn Hogarth?
Apparently.
Kith was quite in love with you.
And I with her.
Well, except you broke my heart.
And lucky for me.
I've... I've also followed your, uh...
defending these vigilante super people.
Oh, only a couple of them.
Still, it's a whole new branch of the law.
It's absolutely fascinating.
Former lawyer, obviously.
Now a professor of criminal law.
Well, it was nice to finally meet you,
the Jeryn Hogarth.
But I must pull this beauty away.
We have money for which to grub.
It's nice to see you.
And brief.
You can stick around.
Or I could take you for lunch
and... we could catch up.
It would take much longer than lunch.
I'll clear my schedule.
Call me.
- Kith.
- Look who's here.
- Hi. So good to see you.
- So good to see you, too.
Hand up.
Cody Willamet,
star pitcher for the New York Scouts,
was the victim of a hit-and-run earlier.
- One, two...
- The other driver fled...
- ...three!
- ...leaving police with no leads.
Willamet, a left-hander
and five-time All-Star,
will be out for the season after suffering
what might be a career-ending injury.
Bet you a ten-spot
the guy in the blue shirt
breaks the glass into his hand first.
You can do this.
Twenty says
it's the guy in black and white.
- Let's see what you got, man.
- Yup. Three, two, one. Go.
Oh! Whoa, man!
Man, go get a rag.
- Hey, guys, come over here.
- That looks bad.
- Dude, have a seat. Sit down. Sit.
- Maybe we should go to the ER.
Wrap it up.
All right, man, elevate it.
- I think I slit my wrist.
- That's too high.
I have an instinct for idiocy.
Is that good or bad?
Don't know. Don't care.
Hm. Some people might say
that you lack a moral compass.
I have never, not even once,
given a shit about people like that.
Wish I could say the same.
You do give a shit?
According to my mother.
She'd know.
That sucks.
Whatever happened.
Who says something happened?
Something always happens.
Everything is terrible.
Optimism is a lie. Expect the worst.
Jesus, thanks for the pep talk.
It's reality.
I accept it and proceed accordingly.
To low expectations.
What the hell are you doing?
Dinner.
Yeah, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You're making me sick.
Well, puke somewhere else
so I can eat my burger.
That is not a burger.
It's meat in a bun. Burger.
Jesus. Lady, a burger is... is home.
It's summer. It's everything that's good.
I thought good and bad were bullshit.
Mmm. That only applies to people.
What are you, a chef?
I'm more of a motivational speaker.
Read, "Con artist."
No. So you don't have to break my face
or anything.
What? I know who you are.
It's... not exactly a secret.
Yeah, I don't need another critic.
Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
I'll go, and you stay and...
enjoy your turd.
Thanks for the imagery.
Okay, so imagine a two-to-one-to-one ratio
of chuck, brisket, and short rib
with a coarse mince.
I thought you were leaving.
You gotta cook it in its own fat.
It's like baked potato or sashimi.
It should taste like itself.
If you're heading
toward a pick-up line, don't.
What line? How women should taste?
You were going there.
Still might. But we gotta discuss the bun.
Brioche, lightly toasted,
- brushed with butter.
- I really don't care.
Yeah, but you'd care
if you tasted one of my burgers.
Doubt it.
Fifty bucks says you'll care.
You know who I am.
So you know I can break your face.
I'm just trying to right a wrong.
Right woman. Wrong burger.
That hurts my head.
And that's worth fifty bucks to you?
I won't lose.
So this is where the magic happens.
There's nothing magic about it.
Shame. Kitchen's in here?
You know, I kind of thought that burgers
were code for something else.
My burgers are an aphrodisiac.
Sure, 'cause everybody wants to have sex
with a pound of greasy beef in their gut.
Could do the sex first.
On that very orange couch?
I don't wanna get it dirty.
Well, then...
- I'm Erik, by the way.
- Good to know.
- You're not gonna injure me, are you?
- Mmm, I don't know.
I'll roll the dice.
Mmm.
Might be the upstairs kid.
His dad and ex-wife get arguing.
Maybe he'll go away.
Mmm.
Must be a bad one.
Well, maybe he wants a burger.
I'll get 'em started.
Vido, why are you up so late?
Sometimes...
there is no question...
there's no doubt.
You know what you're looking at.
You know exactly what to do.
Get the bad guy.
I got it.
and you think, "Perfect.
There is no question. It's just... right."
Other things are clearly wrong.
But right and wrong
aren't a P.I.'s highest priority
until she gets the bright idea
to branch out and give a shit.
- Cassie Yasdan?
- Yeah?
I'm Jessica Jones.
I'm taking you back to your mother.
Hey. What the hell do you want?
Just responding to an Amber Alert.
Oh, she's not kidnapped. I'm her father.
You lost custody.
Come on. Get your things.
- Dad?
- Look...
I... I had a crap-ass lawyer
and a vindictive ex-wife.
Now, you're a criminal,
taking a minor out of the country,
forging documents.
I had to get Cassie away from her mother.
She's toxic.
Wow. You're the first ex-husband
to ever say that.
- Come on. Let's go.
- I'm staying with my dad.
He's the bad guy.
Yeah, says my ex-wife.
Says the law, asshole.
The US law. We're not in the US.
We're about to be.
Hey, look, don't make me get physical.
Dude, quit messing around.
Aren't superheroes
supposed to save people?
Captain America
would never have done this.
Cassie! Sweetheart!
Oh! I was so worried. Thank you so much.
Yeah, thanks.
What...
He's made me the bad cop again.
She'll come around.
Yeah, after I put his ass in jail.
And the hell if I'll let her visit him.
Um...
it would probably be easier on Cassie
if you just let it go.
You think I'm hard on her?
The situation is hard.
So you're a hero and a child psychologist?
You think you can judge me?
I'm beginning to.
After you weaseled a free trip
to Mexico out of me?
Real noble,
taking advantage of a single mom.
Your sliding scale fee just slid to zero,
you third-rate Joan Jett wannabe!
I hate heroism.
You got 30,000 views.
Holy shit!
Did you see that? Who is that chick?
Great.
I know. Was the girl okay? Was she hurt?
She was on her way to a sunburn.
But you saved her?
From her dad?
Yeah, Vido, I saved the girl.
Wish I had been there.
You would've taken a better video.
Me, too. I used to hang
with some bad company.
No, not a gang, but there was
this one really controlling person.
- No.
- It's the same color, sans the fleas.
Get rid of it.
No, this person didn't want to kill me...
that I know of.
Very passive-aggressive, though.
Okay, it is different,
but my point is is that some people
feel threatened by change.
It is comfortable.
It's going away.
Hold on a sec.
Ex-gang member trying to start over,
but the gang thinks otherwise.
Sliding scale?
Why do they even call it that?
It's pro bono. Zero money.
You could beat up a whole gang.
Put him on the list.
Mateo, email me your information.
I'm Gillian.
You've got a hero on your side now.
I told you to stop saying that.
And yet I continue to say it. Weird, huh?
Your docket is empty.
The wait list is growing. Pick one.
Can any of them pay full freight?
Sure, 'cause helpless people
are always rich.
- You choose.
- I don't care enough.
I'll choose. Gimme.
Four-fifty-nine. Shift's over.
I'm busy this weekend,
so you won't be able to reach me.
I never want to reach you.
You working a case?
I'm working a mimosa over brunch,
then a play, game night.
- I'm a people person.
- You really aren't.
You're hardly the arbiter.
Five. Exactly.
Couch stays.
Asshole.
Why don't you just fire her?
You don't even like her.
That's why I keep her around.
Makes it easier
to maintain a healthy distance.
Is that good?
It works.
With everyone but me.
Don't press your luck, kid.
Gotta go. Friday family dinner.
You can come.
I got work to do.
I like numbers two and six.
Giving a shit
and doing something about it.
That's how my mother defined a hero.
Though she wasn't exactly an expert.
She thought I had what it takes.
I am not so sure.
She had... hope.
I didn't want it, but she passed it
down to me like a trick elbow.
And now it's the only thing
I have of hers.
Here.
- Thanks.
- Yeah, sure.
Mrs. Chin move out?
To a retirement community. I upgraded.
- Babe, is that the dessert?
- Yeah. Zaya, you remember Jessica.
Oh, yeah, from next door. Hi.
Well, have a good night.
The cookies have landed!
- Okay.
- Okay.
With a loss
of seven on that sack, it's the second...
Channel 782.
The customer is always right.
Only if they tip well.
It has the vintage look
of a classic wood-burning stove
but fits seamlessly with any modern decor.
And it's completely electric,
which blows my mind,
because this fire looks so real
and yet the heat is completely adjustable
with this handy remote.
That's right.
Now, those are...
I see you got here early.
I had work to avoid.
Speaking of,
let me buy you yet another drink.
You saved the girl.
Is that what I did?
The mom called and said
you got her daughter back.
I'm guessing she said
a lot more than that.
She may have referred to you
as part of the, uh, female anatomy.
Feeling's mutual.
Nobody forced the case on you.
I just mentioned it in passing.
Next time, in passing,
maybe mention someone worth helping.
Assholes need saving, too...
from bigger assholes.
It's a sliding scale.
You could stop.
Maybe leave the heroics
to, uh, trained professionals
who are committed to the rule of law
and subject to oversight.
Is that why you came here, Detective?
To tell me to stop?
I wanted to restate
the terms of our agreement.
I throw you a case or two,
and you don't break the law.
That was the deal.
Our deal was to not let you
catch me breaking the law.
It's kind of hard to look
the other way when you have 80,000 hits.
It's entertaining, but it's assault.
It's out of your jurisdiction, Costa.
Just keep your eye on the line.
Don't go over it.
Russell knows I'm meeting you.
He, uh...
he made me promise to come home sober.
What a good guy you are.
I know.
Lucky you.
Hello, Jess.
Do you want to leave down the elevator
or out the window?
I want to hire you.
Trish is missing.
Call someone who gives a shit.
Oh, for God's sake. Let me just explain.
You want to hit me?
Go ahead if it'll get you to listen.
I don't want to be here
any more than you want me here.
But 24 hours ago,
Trish just fell off the map.
What a hideous piece of furniture.
I love it.
Well, I should have seen it coming.
She's been late for appointments,
distracted...
out all night, she won't say where.
But she has never missed work
until yesterday.
She could be using again,
or in danger or worse.
If that's what Trish wants to do,
then that's her business.
I will pay you.
No.
Please.
Something's wrong.
No.
I have no one else to go to.
The police would be an obvious choice.
But you're afraid that would get out.
Always protecting her brand.
Yes, because that's all I can do.
But you can do more. A lot more.
You explained. I listened. Get out.
I know something happened
between the two of you
around your mother's death,
but Trish had nothing to do with that.
Don't talk about my mother.
Ever.
I understand. Family is family.
But Trish is your family, too.
Nothing can undo that.
You have a chance to save her life.
Been there, done that.
Get out.
Trish was the only good thing about you.
Alias Inve...
Alias Inve...
Hello? What?
Take me off the speakerphone.
Just talk, Hogarth.
I need you.
Hogarth?
I'm in here!
If we're doing another favor swap,
there's a video I'm gonna need taken down.
The beach toss. Certainly not the image
you're trying to convey.
Yeah, it was taken out of context.
I'll look into a cease and desist.
I'm glad to see you're still committed
to your new aspirations.
- I am relying on that.
- For?
A lot of people rely on me now,
so cut to the chase.
This...
is my plan for the future...
so that my life doesn't end
in pain and indignity.
Every day, I wake up and I ask myself,
"Is this the day that I take these?"
The answer has been no,
until this morning.
I felt the first significant symptoms
of the ALS.
So, do you need something?
The symptoms passed. Today isn't the day.
But, uh, what it made me realize
is that when that day comes, I am...
not gonna be able to do it.
I don't have it in me.
I am going to need someone
that I can rely on
to slip me the pills without me knowing.
- I need a friend, Jessica.
- We're friends?
Okay. Name your price.
Why ask me?
Because of your ability
to make hard choices.
Like killing someone.
I've done it before, so it should be easy?
Those were different circumstances.
I am asking you to do this.
Ice or no ice?
No ice.
So how does this work?
The time comes
that you're sick enough to die...
What? Do you tell me?
I can't know it's coming.
So I just drop by one day
and I think, "Wow, Jeri looks like shit."
Or, "Jeri's speech is slurred."
"Well, she just dropped that glass."
What's my cue?
You follow your instincts.
Well, maybe my instincts
tell me it's now.
Don't mock me.
You just look the other way.
Go on, look over there.
You'll never even see it coming.
Stop it. These are hard to get.
- How many do you think it would take?
- I don't know.
If it's too many,
it would blow the surprise.
And not enough,
you'll probably just puke it up,
but if you're lucky,
maybe you'll choke on your own vomit.
What, you think this is funny?
- Give it a test run.
- You don't know what this is like!
- You have no idea! Stop!
- I gotta get it right.
This isn't what I planned
for myself.
I had people around me.
No one can plan for this.
I need to get ready for work.
I will, uh, look into the video.
It's okay. I'll deal.
I'll take care of it.
- God damn it.
- Hey.
You all right? You need an ambulance?
No, just a new pair of pants.
Okay, still, you should
get that checked out.
I'm okay.
No thanks to that drunk asshole.
He jumped the curb, comes right at me,
and wasn't even looking up.
I think he was jerking off.
Jesus.
He should be in jail.
Or thrown out of professional baseball.
You know who that is?
That's Cody Willamet.
So I'm guessing
you're gonna want to sue him, right?
Someone's gotta teach him a lesson.
He will not learn it,
and you will be eaten alive.
He's rich. He's famous.
Plus, the team has
the best lawyer in New York.
I should know. I work for her.
- Shit. He said he was calling the police.
- He called my employer.
He can't do this to people.
Actually, he can.
However, there is at least one thing
that you can get out of this.
The keys are still in the ignition.
Take it to Juan's Auto Body off the BQE.
Tell 'em Malcolm Ducasse sent you.
- I'm not gonna steal the dude's car.
- It's not his car.
Not anymore.
Hey, man. Shit's messed up.
- Sign this.
- What are you doing?
It's a transfer of title. Sign it.
It's all yours...
if you can agree
to keep this incident to yourself.
Sure, yeah. I agree.
In writing, please.
Hey, it wasn't my fault.
The guy came out of nowhere.
You said that the last two times.
Shit.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm sorry, man. It won't happen again.
Thank you, buddy.
You're doing God's work, man.
Just two AA batteries are all you need
for these festive lanterns
to light up your next backyard cookout.
Aren't these just precious?
This would add a touch
of fairy-tale romance to any decor.
And we've got the classic white, the...
She's not missing, per se.
I'm just asking if you've seen her.
I'm planning a surprise.
- A surprise?
- Yeah, a goddamn surprise.
That's baloney.
Well, fine, you're not invited.
Trish?
Text me her credit card numbers
and bills, the last person who saw her.
Jessie?
Amelia Earhart.
Names and contacts of her friends at work.
Oh, thank God.
You do that.
Are her security door codes
still the same?
She doesn't have a security door
at her new place.
She moved?
She sold her condo
and everything else she owned.
Text me her address.
Well, I've got a key.
I'll meet you there in... in an hour?
In the morning.
Thank you.
Just bring a big fat check.
Friends and family discount?
- Sleep it off.
- You sleep it off.
Taking a life changes a person.
It definitely changed me.
Looks like it changed Trish, too.
You're late, as usual.
You're a boil on humanity's ass, as usual.
We should get to work.
Um, "we"?
I don't know
why she chose this rathole.
It's a dump.
Even after I rescued her career,
she refused to leave.
Said it suits her needs.
When did she become such a slob?
She's educating herself.
- About what?
- Everything.
Well, that's good, right?
Maybe it's a man.
Men always muck things up.
No man.
A woman? That'd be a relief.
And very au courant.
She traded her Cal King
for a single futon.
She doesn't want anybody
getting too comfortable.
She's hiding out.
Where?
Here.
Well, at least she's keeping fit.
Blood.
What? Oh, my God. Oh, God.
- What does that mean?
- It means shut up.
Oh, I tried that already. It's locked.
I'm in.
You know her password.
I'm with her all the time now,
but I know her less than ever.
I used to be jealous of you.
Oh, yeah.
You two were closer
than any two blood sisters I'd ever seen.
You were her protector.
She was your conscience.
You must miss that.
Rude!
Trish sees things
in black and white, right and wrong.
Or... she used to.
Maybe now she asks herself
the same question I do...
"Who the hell am I to judge?"
My answer is a fifth of whiskey.
What's Trish's answer?
And where did she go to find it?
Why is she staying here?
Trish has everything she needs
for a stakeout.
What is she looking for?
And who is she watching?
- Ah. Is your boss in?
- She's waiting on a video conference.
Thanks.
- Got it.
- What?
A nondisclosure agreement
from the latest guy Cody almost killed.
Good.
I just put an entitled drunk
back on the road.
I'm not sure that qualifies as good.
Okay. Effective.
My job title is "Investigator,"
not "Fixer."
Well, I hired both.
If you don't like the job anymore, leave.
- Wow. Good to know.
- Okay, what I meant
was that you are good at both.
And I need both.
Lean into your potential.
What you meant was,
"Shit or get off the pot."
Like I said, you're good at this.
Look, I'm willing to pay my dues.
I just want to make sure this is worth it.
Well, with the experience you get here,
along with my eventual recommendation,
you'll be able to launch
your own P.I. firm.
Excuse me, Jeri.
I just looked over the Bauer case.
They need to know if we're in or out.
I think it's a winner.
Run with it.
This firm could use some wins right now.
I'll get into it.
She'll have her name
on that door before long.
Malcolm, you are a valuable employee,
but I don't want to have
this conversation again.
You need to decide what you actually want
and then reconcile it however you can.
They're ready in London.
Char, uh, this benefit concert tonight,
make a platinum-level donation and then
put the address in my calendar, please.
String quartet. Sounds nice.
- Just trying to do some good.
- Hmm.
Half of my job is about waiting.
For a clue.
For the truth.
For a clear sign that I'm not wasting
my goddamn time.
I'm not really sure
what I'm waiting for now.
Here we go.
Wait. Where are you going?
Jesus.
Get the hell out of there.
You're that powered chick from the video.
Get out of my way!
- Stay down.
- Like hell I will!
Are you crazy?
- What the hell?
- I didn't need you to save me.
Except when you had a gun
pointed at your head.
- Or are you bulletproof, too?
- No.
Thanks. That clears things up.
I'm late for work.
As what? Are you a cat burglar?
Excuse me, a super cat burglar?
I wasn't stealing. I was getting justice.
Or trying to.
So...
Karl's near-fatal experiment worked.
I would have told you earlier
if you'd returned any of my calls.
You know why I didn't.
You let that prick get away.
There is a sculpture in his safe
that would have linked him to an assault.
The safe with the gun in it?
Yes. That's why I triggered the alarm.
I knew he'd go for his gun.
That is the most moronic plan
I have ever heard.
I have been tracking
that asshole for weeks.
And... Now he's gone.
So maybe it is better
if you just stay out of the way.
Why? Because you're a hero now?
Yes.
The world's moral compass
who knows good from bad?
Maybe.
And now, I am finally equipped
to do something about it.
So it was worth it, then.
What you did to me.
Because you got what you wanted.
You don't get it, Jess. You're free.
You always said
you didn't ask for this, but I did.
So you can stop trying,
and feeling guilty and inadequate.
I don't need you to be a hero.
Nobody does.
I've got it covered.
Your mother is looking for you.
Call her so I can get paid.
I'm so sorry.
- Cody... Cody, you can't do that.
- Come on.
- Cody. Cody, you're drunk.
- Would you just lighten up?
Come on, give me your keys.
Am I your bitch?
Do I look like somebody's bitch?
Get in the car.
Screw you.
Screw me? Screw you.
Now, I want to share with you
one of my favorite pieces
from the collection.
This light and bright cotton tank.
I love the cute little
buttons in the front.
It's such beautiful detailing.
Right? And you'll notice that the strap
perfectly hides her bra.
But why don't designers
think of details like that?
Well, we did. And it comes in...
Just turn it off.
- Thought you liked this show.
- My favorite.
You can just throw it on
with skinnies and a pair of heels
and take yourself out for a fancy dinner.
Thank you for supporting
the Zoey Lyonne Arts Scholarship.
Zoey loved music, and she is
smiling down on us from above.
So please go enjoy some
champagne and...
keep writing those checks.
Thank you.
I'm surprised.
And delighted?
Curious.
I'll take it.
I thought we'd
run into each other eventually.
It only took 25 years.
Also, it's not a coincidence.
I, um, I give every year.
That I would have noticed.
What? You never wondered
who "Anonymous" was?
Yeah, I've been just working up the nerve
to actually attend.
Then I am...
delighted.
Ah. There you are.
Beautifully played, my love.
This is my husband, Peter.
Peter, this is Jeryn Hogarth.
Oh. Wow. The Jeryn Hogarth?
Apparently.
Kith was quite in love with you.
And I with her.
Well, except you broke my heart.
And lucky for me.
I've... I've also followed your, uh...
defending these vigilante super people.
Oh, only a couple of them.
Still, it's a whole new branch of the law.
It's absolutely fascinating.
Former lawyer, obviously.
Now a professor of criminal law.
Well, it was nice to finally meet you,
the Jeryn Hogarth.
But I must pull this beauty away.
We have money for which to grub.
It's nice to see you.
And brief.
You can stick around.
Or I could take you for lunch
and... we could catch up.
It would take much longer than lunch.
I'll clear my schedule.
Call me.
- Kith.
- Look who's here.
- Hi. So good to see you.
- So good to see you, too.
Hand up.
Cody Willamet,
star pitcher for the New York Scouts,
was the victim of a hit-and-run earlier.
- One, two...
- The other driver fled...
- ...three!
- ...leaving police with no leads.
Willamet, a left-hander
and five-time All-Star,
will be out for the season after suffering
what might be a career-ending injury.
Bet you a ten-spot
the guy in the blue shirt
breaks the glass into his hand first.
You can do this.
Twenty says
it's the guy in black and white.
- Let's see what you got, man.
- Yup. Three, two, one. Go.
Oh! Whoa, man!
Man, go get a rag.
- Hey, guys, come over here.
- That looks bad.
- Dude, have a seat. Sit down. Sit.
- Maybe we should go to the ER.
Wrap it up.
All right, man, elevate it.
- I think I slit my wrist.
- That's too high.
I have an instinct for idiocy.
Is that good or bad?
Don't know. Don't care.
Hm. Some people might say
that you lack a moral compass.
I have never, not even once,
given a shit about people like that.
Wish I could say the same.
You do give a shit?
According to my mother.
She'd know.
That sucks.
Whatever happened.
Who says something happened?
Something always happens.
Everything is terrible.
Optimism is a lie. Expect the worst.
Jesus, thanks for the pep talk.
It's reality.
I accept it and proceed accordingly.
To low expectations.
What the hell are you doing?
Dinner.
Yeah, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You're making me sick.
Well, puke somewhere else
so I can eat my burger.
That is not a burger.
It's meat in a bun. Burger.
Jesus. Lady, a burger is... is home.
It's summer. It's everything that's good.
I thought good and bad were bullshit.
Mmm. That only applies to people.
What are you, a chef?
I'm more of a motivational speaker.
Read, "Con artist."
No. So you don't have to break my face
or anything.
What? I know who you are.
It's... not exactly a secret.
Yeah, I don't need another critic.
Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
I'll go, and you stay and...
enjoy your turd.
Thanks for the imagery.
Okay, so imagine a two-to-one-to-one ratio
of chuck, brisket, and short rib
with a coarse mince.
I thought you were leaving.
You gotta cook it in its own fat.
It's like baked potato or sashimi.
It should taste like itself.
If you're heading
toward a pick-up line, don't.
What line? How women should taste?
You were going there.
Still might. But we gotta discuss the bun.
Brioche, lightly toasted,
- brushed with butter.
- I really don't care.
Yeah, but you'd care
if you tasted one of my burgers.
Doubt it.
Fifty bucks says you'll care.
You know who I am.
So you know I can break your face.
I'm just trying to right a wrong.
Right woman. Wrong burger.
That hurts my head.
And that's worth fifty bucks to you?
I won't lose.
So this is where the magic happens.
There's nothing magic about it.
Shame. Kitchen's in here?
You know, I kind of thought that burgers
were code for something else.
My burgers are an aphrodisiac.
Sure, 'cause everybody wants to have sex
with a pound of greasy beef in their gut.
Could do the sex first.
On that very orange couch?
I don't wanna get it dirty.
Well, then...
- I'm Erik, by the way.
- Good to know.
- You're not gonna injure me, are you?
- Mmm, I don't know.
I'll roll the dice.
Mmm.
Might be the upstairs kid.
His dad and ex-wife get arguing.
Maybe he'll go away.
Mmm.
Must be a bad one.
Well, maybe he wants a burger.
I'll get 'em started.
Vido, why are you up so late?
Sometimes...
there is no question...
there's no doubt.
You know what you're looking at.
You know exactly what to do.
Get the bad guy.
I got it.