Jep & Jessica: Growing the Dynasty (2016–2017): Season 2, Episode 9 - The Perfect Swarm - full transcript

These things are taking forever!

I'm so hungry.

I know, baby.

Y'all stay back there,
this grease is hot.

All right?

Hot grease.

Tell you what, these beignets,

they as good as they look,
we 'gon get rich!

Hungry.

We were thinking a
good thing to make

for the food truck would
be beignets.



Everybody likes beignets,

especially from Louisiana.

What person doesn't like
hot beignets?

They're idiots.

But there are some down
sides to beignets.

Are the beignets all ready?

Sorry buddy, I'm trying.

It's taking forever.

I mean, there's a lot of
prep time,

you could get burned by
the grease,

and plus you got to eat
'em when they're hot.

So they have to be
made to order.

They're gonna be so good

with powdered sugar on 'em.



Jep, come here and watch Gus!

All right, I'm coming.

Come on hurry!

Come on guys, y'all watch him.

Trying to cook!

What's he doing?

Can you show me strong boy?

Show me strong!

Are you strong?

Show daddy.

Where'd his front teeth go?

Where's his front teeth?

Does he have front teeth?

Yeah.
Yeah, he did.

They were hidden.

Jep, my gosh there's smoke!

Fire.

No.

I better go get something.

Yep, it's a grease fire!

Look, don't use water!

Either use flour or baking soda!

Jess, evacuate.

Forget about your iPad!

Let me have the baby,
I'll go take them out.

It's a grease fire,
everybody evacuate.

Dad but my phone!

I need my phone!

Don't worry about your phone!

Good grief!

But I need it!

Evacuate!

Everybody out!

It's a grease fire!

Daddy set the house on fire.

You put it out?

Yes.

That was scary.

I used a cookie sheet.

It's-It's out.

That was dangerous.

Did y'all know what to
do in a fire?

Run out of the house?

Yes, run out of the house.

Y'all should have a plan.

Yes, we need a plan.

What are you gonna do,

get a water gun and
squirt it off?

No, that's the last thing you do

with a grease fire is put
water on it, see?

That's right.

But that's a good
thought, River.

Yeah, but wrong.

I thought I was gonna
have to call 911.

No, it's fine.

I mean, the beignets are toast.

They're just black.

Dad!

What?
I'm sorry.

You better be glad that's
the only thing we lost.

That's true.

Just think about if my
guns would've melted.

Hot beignets coming up.

Now these will be the
beignets we serve

on the food truck.

So-No, no, no, no, no, wait!

I want y'all to try the
honey on it,

it's fantastic.

All right, I'll try a
little honey.

Well, after yesterdays
fire, I'm not so sure

I want to do beignets.

Why?

Fryin' is dangerous!

There's like millions of
people die a year.

I don't think fryin's the
best thing for us.

Did you leave the
kitchen any time?

For a second.

Don't leave an open
fire at home.

Thank you, mama,
for your safety tips.

Everybody knows that, Jep.

Well you don't have to
start off doing beignets.

I mean, there's tons of stuff

that you cook that are amazing.

Your chicken pot pie.

His bruchetta!

Well how's the rest of getting'

that food truck ready?

It's coming along,
it's a lot of work.

Yeah, it's-

We have a ways to go.

Yeah.

There's a lot that goes into it.

We just got to figure
out recipes,

naming the truck too.

I want it to say,
"Your Mamanem."

No!

That's what I want.

I don't even get that.

Your Mamanem don't get that.

I don't think so.

Mamanem

Your Mamanem.

Mamanem.

Your Mamanem.

I think that it needs to
have your name in it.

It should say, "Jep's something"

"Jep's Juicy Food"
that'd be good!

I've got one!

"Jep's Amazing foods"

Simple, yet good.

I like it.

Thank you.

Jep and Your Mamanems.

No!

You know what else you could do?

You could sell that honey!

If you feed them they will come.

And guess what?

They'll buy other things.

Could get some t-shirts made up.

How good would that be?

The food truck thing's
gonna be awesome!

But I think like what
your mom said

about selling other
little things you know,

at the counter.

That's just more revenue!

You know, I've been wanting to

do that bee keeping class.

Maybe we could sell honey.

Harvesting honey,
that's not easy

from what I've heard.

The honey idea,
I'm super excited about.

Cause I've been wanting
to do this.

My friend does it and
he makes it

seem super easy.

He had like 500 hives
at one time.

I think t-shirts will
be a little bit easier, but.

People want food.

They also want shirts
with my face on it.

No they don't.

I don't know anybody who does.

Some people do.
I don't know.

Some people do.

I don't know anybody like that.

If I'm gonna harvest
enough to sell

then I'm gonna need
somebody to help, so.

I want to help!

Okay.

Kathy can't harvest no honey.

She's scared of everything!

No!

If I put my mind to it
I can do it.

There's a bee on your
shoulder right now.

What are you 'gon do about it?

No there's not,
I'm not gon' fall for that.

There is, right there
on your shoulder.

Jess, isn't it?

God!

Wow.

What? Where?

It's right there,
it's in your hair!

Blow it!

No I don't want to touch it.

Jep.

All right, I'm gonna go.

After yesterdays fire,
I got to get some

smoke alarms,
fire extinguishers.

I'm gon' get everything
you can get!

Drill me.

You got it, homie.

So what's this all about?

Well, this family here,
we failed miserably

at a fire alarm.

If it don't work,
one of the other three

you got in here will.

Well, I'll tell you what.

We are going to be prepared.

I've installed two or
three of these in every room.

I've got extinguishers in
every room,

two in the kitchen,
two in the bathroom

'cause that's where things
could get really messy.

Well they're extinguishers,

not air fresheners.

Yeah, I realize that.

They teach y'all to
stop, drop and roll

in case you're on fire?

No.

Looks like you done
bored them to death.

I think I am.

When it comes to my
families safety,

I say you can never be
too prepared.

They say you need a
smoke detector,

I'm gon' get ten of them.

You need a fire
extinguisher in the house?

I'm gon' put 'em in every room.

You do realize, fire's
not the only thing

that can get you, right?

What do you kids do if
there's a flood?

Run.

You swim.

What about if there's
a tornadah?

Hide.

From the tornadah?

Solar flare.

Bunker.

Hurricane.

Get in a bath rub.

Killer bees.

Bee suits.

What about if the
stock market crashes?

Gold bullion.

Somebody been watching
infomercials.

And silver.

A viral outbreak.

That's a good question.

Yeah you'll end up
in one of them

outbreak suits.

You know, running from
the monkey.

That was a good movie.

That was a great movie.

But it freaked me out.

I ain't been to the zoo since.

Martin brings up some
good points.

I still got some work to do.

When disaster strikes,

you know where you're
gon' be coming.

Your house...
'cause you'll have

seven of everything.

That's exactly right.

Noah only had two of everything.

Hey, one room down, five to go.

Actually, seven.

Seven?

Yep.

Good grief.

You need to stop reproducing.

What are you doing?

Bees.

It's just a little bee.

Mom, I mean why are
you so scared?

I saw a movie about
these killer bees

and this woman falls
down and they attack her

and they eat her eyeballs out.

Mom, bees don't eat eyeballs.

I have dreamed about
that for so long

after I saw that movie.

They don't eat eyeballs.

No.

They eat honey or sugar water.

Well these bees didn't.

Mom, that is
ridiculous, come on.

We're already here.

So we might as well.

And I haven't been stung before,

you'll be fine.

Hey Sammy!

Hey!
How are you?

How are you?

Good!
Nice to see you.

This is my mom, Kathy.

Hi, nice to meet you.

You doing okay?

Yeah!

Yeah, we good.

She's a little nervous but-

I'm very nervous.

Don't worry, they
are very friendly.

We're hoping to sell honey
on the food truck.

So today we are going to
meet with Sammy.

He is our landscaper and
also a bee keeper.

So he's gonna teach us
how to become bee keepers

and harvest honey.

Why do you wear the gloves?

They told me they'd
protext my hands.

Well, the bees are
very sensitive to

black color and they may
attack you more.

Really?

Yeah they-

Everything almost needs
to be white.

Jep told me to wear these so.

That's okay, its-

I know now why he did that.

Let's give you some suits.

Okay thanks.

So then we go from there.

Awesome.

Woo-hoo!

I'll show you how you
can harvest the honey.

I'm excited!

The purpose of using the smoker

that you show them that
you are stronger than them

and they feel a little bit weak.

Wow.

They're liking your
perfume, mom.

No, I'm not gonna move.

They're not happy.

Can you get bee sting fever
from a bee sting?

What was that?

You know,
like cat scratch fever.

No ma'am, I don't think so.

Mom, that's not a thing.

Are you sure?

If I was gonna like
make a business

out of like selling honey.

Like how many of these
would I need to start with?

You need to have at
least 500, 1000.

Wow.

Okay, you pick it up

and then go to
extract the honey.

Just grab like this.

Wow.
My goodness!

Let's get all of this.

Yum.

We should take this off
and just try a bite.

No, I think I prefer
to keep mine

until we leave this property.

You're gonna ride home in this?

Half way home, thank you.

Whatever.

You will be safe.

Don't worry about that.

Not gonna happen.

I can't get past that woman

with her eyes eaten out.

I just can't Jessica!

Eventually you have to grow up

and just know like the
Boogeyman isn't real.

No.

The Boogeyman might
not be but these bees are

real because I see them.

This is such a great idea.

Although I'm gonna
probably have to find

another bee assistant.

Your firing me?

I actually didn't even hire you.

I want to lick my fingers.

I know, I do too.
But I can't.

I thought you were just
doing it for free.

Never.

All right, Mr, Sammy.

Thank you so much!

I'm excited!

You're welcome.

Jessica.

Come on old lady in
your bee suit.

Thank you.

Is this fun or what?

What?

We're getting ready
for the next big emergency..

'Cause everybody else is
gon' not have power,

and we gon' have power.

Cool house.

Super!

Why do we have to help rake
outside in the cold?

'Cause you have to
remove the leaves

so I can dig and install
the panels.

Okay, right here.

It's cold.

It is kind of chilly.

But you could be in
Canada raking leaves.

Kids, let me tell you something,

you got to have solar panels.

Because if there's an emergency,

and we lose power,
then you can still

play all your games.

And we can still have internet,

and we can still have TV and
the stuff you love.

Yep!

How are you supposed
to play your gaming system

without power, River?

Thought about that yet?

No.

'Cause let me tell
you something;

if we don't have solar
panels and we lose power,

that's it, no nothing.

And you gon' have to
talk to each other

and like be friends.

Nice going!

When we're done with this,

we're gonna go in your rooms
and anything flammable,

we're gonna throw out.

Okay?

You might have to read a book.

You can't read in the dark,

it's bad for your eyes.

You can read with a candle.

That's what they used to do.

Then knowing y'all,
you'd set the book on fire

and we'd have a bigger issue.

Well yeah, that would
really happen.

All right, good job kids!

Y'all are good at raking.

It's cold.

We need to do this more often.

You know?

I can't feel my fingers.

Just about done on this one.

Jep, do you have my clippers?

What clippers?

You borrowed my hedge clippers.

Maybe.

I said bring them right back.

Yeah, sorry dude.

I got on something else here.

That was last year.

Was that last year?

Yeah.

Do you have the clippers or not?

Um, I'm sure I got 'em.

I'll look for 'em,
I'll find 'em.

What are you doing?

This is Disaster Prepping 101.

You got one solar panel.

This is where I'm starting.

Then I'm gon' have one
here, there, here.

I'm gon' have 'em running
all the way down this thing.

I'm getting ready.

For what?

Floods, tornados, solar flares,

polar shifts, asteroids.

Asteroids, with a solar panel?

There's some that
have come close

to hitting earth,
I've researched it.

Well yeah they wiped
the dinosaurs out.

I don't think the solar
panels gonna help.

There's a lot of stuff
that could happen,

you could loose your
electricity,

I'm gon' be prepared.

Solar.

Jep, you're not supposed
to put solar panels

in your yard.

Technically, that's
against the HOA?

Who cares about the HOA?

All of y'all are gonna
be down here

when the crap hits the fan.

This will be the place to come.

So you'll be thanking me later.

Put it on the top of your roof.

I can't, dude.

I've already started and
this thing's

like down in the ground.

My gosh, Jep this is
the stupidest thing.

Where are you gonna be
when the asteroid hits?

At my house.

Yeah what if it hits
in Shreveport

and knocks out everything
almost to here,

including your house.

But I'm still up and running.

All right.

If you have time during
your emergency

disaster to find my clippers,

I have an emergency with
my hedges so.

That sounds really important.

River, you ready for the
big asteroid to hit?

Okay, good!

All right, find my clippers,

bring them back.

And...

good luck with this.

But I'm gon' turn you in

and you'll probably have
to remove it so.

Okay.

All right, dude.

Bring my clippers back!

All right, well,
I'd go ahead and...

get your house semi ready,

because I'll be ready,
I know that.

All right, so here's
what we're gonna need

to start our bee colony.

A smoker, you have to be able to

smoke the bees.

And then the bee suits,
I'm gonna get two

because I want both of
us to be able to

work with them.

I'd look good in a bee suit.

Pfft.

Babe, nobody looks good
in a bee suit.

Trust me.

I would.

It's like a hazmat suit.

That's what I need
is a hazmat suit.

A beetle trap.

Good grief, that's
expensive, Jess.

Well babe, it's a lot of
stuff we have to get.

You have to buy all your
jars and lids.

Ga!

If we bough all this stuff,

our overheads going to
be out the roof.

I don't know if we're gonna
make a profit.

What do you have to sell it for

to make money?

Like thirty dollars a jar,

just to make a small profit.

Super honey.

All this bee business does cost

a lot of money.

It really isn't cost
efficient to sell

on the food truck.

Yeah I don't see
it making money on that.

I think I'll just have
to keep this

bee keeping as a hobby.

We'll find something else to
sell on the food truck.

I'm telling you,
we can always sell

some Jep t-shirts
with my face on it.

No, babe, we're not doing that.

But we could.

Mom, I just want to
have bees as pets.

I don't know if they make
a good pet or not.

It'd be hard to pet 'em.

You can't really pet 'em.

But I still want to do it.

I mean, I think it'd be fun.

Well we can just stock
pille it for us.

I mean, yeah.

We can just get you know,
one or two beehives.

Thousands of jars.

It doesn't go bad.

Perfect food.

We don't need a thousand jars.

It'd be the perfect
food in apocolypctic times.

That's all you need
is honey and water.

I've already started
stockpiling water.

All right, babe.

I'll go ahead and order
what we need to start up.

But I don't think you
have really to worry

about the apocalypse.

I think that's silly.

Everbody says that
till it happens.

Jep!

Jeptha Robertson!

What are you doing?

What's it look like?

What is all this crap in here?

Jess, read the sign.

Turn around and look.

What does that say?

Jep.

You've really just
crossed the line.

Like you've taken all
my clothes out.

Jess, you got to open your eyes

and be prepared, baby.

This whole thing could
come crashing down

at any second.

Cheese puffs, we're
gon' live off those?

Well of course.

Life jackets?

What are we gonna do
with that turtle?

It's for Gus.

In case there's a flood,
he's got something

to float on and he's
happy 'cause it's a turtle.

I'm still not sure why
out of our entire house,

our closet is gonna
be the last room standing.

Well I'd love to build
an underground bunker,

but you don't
want me to do that.

What about this?

It's a toilet.

So you're gonna
sleep right beside

the toilet that you poo in?

No, the kids are.

I mean I'm glad that
you're looking out

for our safety.

But there just has to be
a better way.

Nope.

Look, no expiration date
on these gummies.

Do you have any toothbrushes?

'Cause our teeth are
gonna rot out.

I hadn't thought about that yet

but I will get some.

I think you're just taking this

a little too far, babe.

You don't want to be like
one of those people.

We know 'em.

Jess, you need to
open your eyes.

Our world is full of
danger and this is our future.

Well, your future is
putting this closet back.

All right?

Fix it.

I got to go to the bathroom.

No, Jep!

I'm gon' test this baby out.

No you're not!

Yeah I'm gon' test it out.

Disgusting!

Put this closet back in order

and put this stuff back
where it was.

I'm gon' think about that while

I go to the bathroom.

You go in that,
you're cleaning it,

I'm not.

Get the kids to clean it.

They need to practice.

Jess, wake up baby.

They issued a tornado warning.

Jess, wake up, baby.

What!?
Wake up.

Jep.

Get to the shelter.

Get Gus get to the shelter.

I'm gon' get Kathy and the kids.

Get to the shelter!

River!

Tornado's coming.

Tornado is coming.

Get to the disaster
shelter, hurry up!

I'm getting Kathy and the kids!

There is a tornado warning,
come on!

Hey, Kathy.

Kathy, get up, hey
get to shelter.

Come on.

Why?!
What happened?

There's a tornado.

Everybody in the shelter!

My gosh!

All kids!

Come on baby, hurry.

Get to the shelter.

Meritt, get up, baby!
Get up!

Come on, to the shelter.

Is everybody all right?

Still a little groggy.

But I mean I'm so glad
you did all this.

Here Kathy, why
don't you get on this.

Here, turn this crank,
get our radio going.

That's your job,
you're the radio girl.

Thank you.

Put that antenna up.

It's not gon' work without that.

Do you think it's
gonna hit the house?

I don't know, we'll see.

♪ Girl, we could blow
like Hooty ♪

♪ I like my women with an
ego big as a booty ♪

♪ Slim in the waist baby
got to be a cutie ♪

♪ Don't judge me
Judge Judy ♪

Well, I say we go back to bed.

We can go back to bed?

Yeah.

What do you mean we
can go back to bed?

This was all a drill.

Are you serious?

There's no such thing as a drill

if you know it's a drill.

You have to think it's
really happening.

So you woke all the
kids up for a drill?

I sure did and I'm
proud of y'all.

Real proud.

I would've appreciated
it if it was for real.

But when you wake me up
in the middle of the night

and the baby and everybody else,

that's not acceptable.

The only way to do it.

I had to know for sure,
I had to test y'all.

Put you under pressure,
to see how fast

you can get in here.

I'm just telling you right now;

if we do it again,
it might be for real.

I'm just gon' sleep.

Well you might die then.

Well, we'll see.

We'll put a very
special memorial

on your gravestone.

"She thought it was
a drill!"

Exclamation point.

All right, let's go back
to bed, come on.

Who wants to sleep in my bed?

Me.

Here, take the baby.

Y'all all go get in my bed.

After you clean up,

you can sleep on the
couch tonight.

Can't clean all this up now.

Way too much.

Doing a great job guys!

See how prepared I was?

Putting all my good work
back in the box.

Hey what do you think
about it, butters?

What you got?

I'm sad I didn't get
to use my toilet.

I was looking forward to that.

I know you were.

Gus, you like my potty?

You like that?

Ew don't let him
touch the potty.

It's not used yet!

I wanted to use it.

Daddy, there's a spider.

There's a spider.

Where?
Where Lily?

Over there, over there.

Over there, over there.

No, no, no.

What do we do?

Bee suit ain't gon'
help you with a spider, Kathy.

These are awesome!

Look, I'll tell-

Let's have a little family rave.

Yeah! What you got?

Jep, stop.

What are you doing?

I'm raving.

Your daddy ain't right.