Jep & Jessica: Growing the Dynasty (2016–2017): Season 2, Episode 3 - Food Fighters - full transcript

Jep and Jessica can't agree on what to serve on their food truck, so they take their recipes to the farmer's market to see what the locals prefer. Meanwhile, Si teaches River how to make his own toys from random items in the woods.

Hey are we an independent,

self-sufficient vehicle
or trailer?

Do what?

Are we dependent or independent?

We're independent.

I ain't depended on nobody.

Are we LLC, LLP?

Are we using your mom's
sweet shop as

the commissary?

I don't know.

You got to know these answers.



How many miles away from
the commissary

will the MFE be?

I got the address on my phone.

I got to find my phone.

Scilla had my phone.

We need the
ingredients that you're

gonna be using.

We need to write it down.

That's on my phone.

They need to stop
playing with your phone.

Scilla where's my phone?

You got my phone?

My gosh, dear Lord!

What's wrong with ma?



You scared her?

Jess, I saw it all.

Saw what?

I saw all the bells
and whistles.

I don't understand.

The I's were crossed and
the t's were dotted.

Babe, what do you mean?

Your mom and them.

I opened the door, she
turned around and I saw

poncho and lefty.

Mork and Mindy.

Beavis and Butthead.

Jess, you know what I'm
talking about.

Tango and Cash.

It's not that big of a deal.

I've seen your mom naked.

I got a glimpse in the future.

It's good and bad.

Quit being ridiculous.

So what?

You saw her naked, who cares.

If I was
sixty-five-year-old dude,

I'd be into that.

Excuse me?

She's tan everywhere, Jess.

I mean everywhere.

Well I don't tan so,

I'm not gonna be as wrinkly.

I'm sorry that's something

I can never get out of my head.

You need to just get over it.

She lives here.

I cannot get over what I saw.

Ever.

Jep, it's just a human body.

No.

Nu.

Jep come back here!

We have to finish this, babe!

I got to water the flowers.

You have like three more
pages to fill out.

Jep come back, we have
to finish this!

No I'm sick.

Jeptha!

We need locks on the doors.

It smells pretty good!

This is the greatest beignets

in the world right here.

Yum!

This is going to be an
exciting adventure.

This all your fixins.

Powdered sugar, chocolate
sauce, strawberry sauce.

I like strawberries.

And banana caramel.

Y'all tell me when to stop.

There you go.

Okay.

Hey, that's enough.

That's enough!

Extra sugary.

Hold it!

That's enough.

Stop it.

I love beignets.

He's going crazy with
the powdered sugar.

Y'all are my first testers.

I'm gonna take all this
to the farmers market.

And I'm gon' really test it.

That's pretty darn good, Jep.

Can't eat too many.

I got to watch my figure.

Let's not talk about
your figure.

Hey that powdered
sugar's awesome.

I've been testing a
lot of food's

for my food truck.

I thought about boudin.

A lot of hot sauce.

Then I thought about tacos.

Hot sauce.

Then I thought,
you know, just good

southern comfort food.

Hot sauce.

Then it hit me.

Grits and beignets.

Lots of hot sauce.

And what goes better
with beignets than-

Some bacon and cheese.

Than grits.

Grits!

Grits!

Grits!

This is the porridge of
the God's right here.

Whatever made you
want to get in a

gourmet food truck?

'Cause they're fun
and people like 'em.

No, you can't please the public.

Of course you can if
you make good food.

No you can't please them even if

you make good food.

See I got the sweet
with the beignets

and the savory with my grits.

I'm gon' get seconds.

People like Godwin is
the money makers.

He's a good customer.

I'll say.

Let me try some of these.

You know back when I was a kid.

Hey, a food truck was a
pick up truck

with fresh deer meats
still hung on the bumper.

Sounds delicious.

Smells good in here!

This is actually pretty good.

This food truck's gon'
be awesome!

What is this?

That's banana caramel.

That's strawberry.

And then chocolate.

Did we leave anything out?

What is this?

My grits.

Grits!
Grits?

Grits!
Grits.

What makes your grits so good?

They got bacon and
cheese in 'em.

All the good things.

Babe, there's plenty
of food trucks that have

greasy food.

Yeah but they don't
taste this good.

No!

I love beignets.

But we need a healthy
option too.

Nope.

Yes!

I know this town, people
don't eat healthy here.

I think people want to,

it's just they don't
get an option.

Nope.

So you want to start
a food truck

with broccoli and
brussel sprouts?

Would y'all eat that?

No.

No.

Broccoli and brussels.

As much as I like beignets
and deep fried everything,

I like to eat healthy too.

So I think giving a
healthy option

would be smart.

Healthy is not always good.

What about if we have
a healthier version

of chili but still really good?

It's not gon' be chili

if it's a healthy version of it.

I can tell you that right now.

I like healthy also
but it's got to taste good so.

You have to bend a little
bit I think both ways.

You can have it both.

I have a great recipe for
flaxseed chili.

And mom's gonna help me do it.

For what?

Flaxseed chili.

What?

Flaxseed, flaxseed.

Flat cheese?

Flaxseed.

Flat-seed chili?

Flax, use an "X" there.

Flaxseed.

I think it's a laxative.

My goodness.

It sounds bad!

It's gonna be amazing.

I doubt that.

Why am I even talking
to you about healthy?

I don't know.

All right, do you mind
taking the kids

and taking them and
dropping them off at Kay's?

I'm gon' go get them
animals you call children,

and take them outside

and let them run off
some energy.

Or put them in a zoo,
where they belong!

I have an awesome
flaxseed chili recipe.

Yum!

It smells really good!

It really does.

Try it, let me know
if I need to add

anything else.

All right, let me get a taster.

Good?

Well, it will be.

Does it need something?

It needs a couple of things.

Like some more
bell peppers, onions?

Um...

You need more flaxseed?

No.

But it needs to be a
little bit better.

What's up?

Hey!

Ismells healthy.

It smells delicious.

Yeah it smells really good.

It does!

Just try a bite, one bite.

No.

I think you're gonna enjoy this.

It has some flaxseed chili.

Helps your cholesterol!

That's different!

Babe, flaxseed is awesome!

And it comes from a
flower that's really pretty.

Ew!

Did you just spit on our floor?

Seriously?

I thought Jess's flaxseed chili

was really good.

Thanks babe.

If you're a nutria rat.

Jep!

Yeah, that stuff was nasty.

Do you like it?

Gus says "I agree,
yeah!"

He loves it.

I think he's gonna
like my chili.

Yeah, give him a bite of that.

Give him the runs for
about a week.

It can't give you the runs!

Anything that has flaxseed in it

gives you the runs.

No it does not.

Well that's not good.

Need to sell some
toilet paper with it.

Jep.

I'm gonna prove to Jep
that people like to have

a healthy option.

So when people at the
Farmer's Market

love my chili,
he's gonna have to

add it to the food truck.

Why'd you make such
a big pot of it?

'Cause we're gonna
beat you tomorrow.

Beat me?

Yeah we're coming too.

You gon' bring that?

Yeah I'm gon' bring it.

Okay.

Well good luck.

We don't need luck.

You bring your chili
and I'll bring my beignets

and dundar grits.

You're going down.

All right well that's great.

Come on bus-Gus.

Whatever your name is.

Nobody is going to like
some kind of vegetarian,

flaxseed chili.

You can mark my words, Jess.

That chili will never be
on my menu.

We're never gonna beat him

if it's all healthy like that.

I got a couple ideas that
might just tip it

over to the other end.

Well I'll go to the store.

Okay.

And I'll get a few
extra ingredients.

So you do your thing.

I'll go ahead and come
up with my ideas.

All right, awesome.
Okay.

Thanks mom!
All right.

This is fine.

River!

I got her.

Hey, be quiet.

I'm gon' work on my turbo nap!

Nap?

Yeah.

You're supposed to be helping me

baby sit the kids.

No.

I got to perfect my turbo nap.

Well that's a great thing to do

when you're not baby sitting.

I started the research
in the military.

You actually can shut
your mind and body off.

Ten-minute nap and you're
totally refreshed!

Dang it.

Once I perfect it,
I'll make billions.

Si, you're ridiculous!

Well hey that's what
I'm talking about.

That's why I got to perfect it.

What was that?

My bow and arrow, it's broken.

Well it ain't no wonder!

It's a piece of plastic junk.

This is horrible!

It's pathetic.

I hate to tell you but you
live in a plastic,

throw away society there
young man.

Yeah, I guess so.

You know what that is?

No.

Yeah, look, it's this.

It won't hold up,
it can't be repaired.

It's garbage.

River, you want me to
buy you another one?

Yeah.

Why would you go
spend good money

and get him another
one of these?

He'll break it in two days!

Yeah.

Back in my day, when me and

your Papaw Phil was kids,

we didn't go to the store
to get a toy.

Where did you go?

We went to the woods
and we made it!

You know a good limb
when you see it?

No.

All right, we're gon'
ride in the woods.

And we're gon' actually
build us a

homemade bow and arrow.

Look, the toys you got today,

they're all pieces of junk.

Yep.

But you're lucky you
got an Uncle Si.

I hope he doesn't get snake bit

or hurt in any way,
shape or form.

He'll kill the snake with the

bow and arrow we gon' make.

All right, we're gon' have to

find us the perfect stick.

And we also got to find
some rocks to make

our arrow heads with.

How about this one?

Let me see.

Too brittle.

Look, is this good?

That's too big.

Is this one good?

Nope, he's no good.

Are you excited?

That's about as
excited as he gets.

Well hey, he's gon' have to get

more excited about it.

'Cause look, this might
be the only way

he can feed himself.

Did you ever think of
it that way?

No.

How about this one?

Nope, that's going to
be a little too thick, buddy.

'bout this one?

Nope, river rock.

Well you better think
of it that way

'cause I ain't-

Look when you get hungry,

and all you got is your
bow and arrow.

You can't get any potato chips

falling out of the sky,
I'll tell you that.

You' gon' have to
track and shoot

a rabbit with your
bow and arrow.

Now that's pretty cool!

You have to admit it.

It's cool.

It's cool!

That's pretty good for him!

I guess I'll have to
accept that's pretty cool,

all right.

Good work River, that's
gon' be your bow.

Now, are you ready to go
up there and whittle

this bow out with the
sharpest knife in Louisiana?

Yeah.

You ready?

Well let's go.

All right, let's go whittle
this baby out, boys!

We're ready to go!

Yay!

It's looking good.

Where is Jep's set up?

Here he comes.

Hey, I found this in the truck.

Wow.

You got it babe?

Need some help?

Yeah, I need these chairs.

Is that your table?

Yeah.

My goodness.

Don't judge a book
by it's cover.

That's what you always
tell the kids.

Yeah but you don't eat
books, babe.

If it tastes good
they will come.

Yeah, that's gonna fall.

I'm gon' put this right here.

See?

I'm gon hold this end
down like that.

Nobodies gonna come up here.

Nice set up, Jep!

Done.

Are you serious?

Did you not even bring
a hot pot?

No!

Your grits are gonna
be nasty and cold.

It don't matter!

I fix to sell out anyway.

We will see.

Babe.

I'm embarrassed for you.

If you're gonna run a business

you have to be prepared.

You have to think about
everything.

You didn't even have a spoon.

Nope.

Or a napkin.

My.

Does anybody want free samples?

Beignet's right here.

Free samples!

You want a free sample?

I got some grits and beignets.

Ten bucks!

If it's good, tell your friends.

Come back!

I got some good grits,
right here!

I'm talking about real good!

There you go, sweetie.

Beignets right here.

Five dollars, all you can eat!

Hi, you want a free
sample of chili?

You can't just keep
giving away food!

You want a free sample?

Sure.

Awesome!

Enjoy your free samples.

Cheating.

I don't see the problem,
Si loved my beignets

and so did Godwin.

If there's two people
in this town

that are important, it's them.

No.

Jep they will eat anything

so that doesn't really
say anything.

It says a lot.

It says not a lot.

They love my beignets.

You're just giving away
all your food!

That's not doing anything,

that doesn't prove anything.

Babe, samples lead to orders,

you know that.

Well I ain't seen
nobody order nothing.

I just see you giving away food.

Well thank you!

Yeah of course!

My goodness.

Yay you got one!

Ha-ha.

If we were at a festival
and you saw

a food truck that said,
"Flaxseed chili"

or one that said,
"Beignets hot out of the fryer."

Which one you going to?

Or it could be a food
truck that sells both.

Yeah 'cause I like my
sweet and my savory.

Chili you could feed
to the dogs.

And then the people eat
the beignets.

That is ridiculous.

Here you go buddy, right here.

Fresh grits!

Babe don't put that
on my good chili.

You want to try some grits?

Give 'em one of them
little spoons

and let him try this.

You should have
brought your own spoons!

This is our table!

Give me a little spoon.

Gosh.

Okay, I don't want it to spill.

You tell me what's
better, those or the chili?

He liked it, Jess

Good grits!

You have one taker.

Poor Jep!

Let me show you
something right here.

Free samples, right here!

Beignets and grits!

Let's just act like we're
not associated with him.

Yeah.

Take a bit of this.

Free samples.

Hey kids, try this.

This thang is gonna be
totally awesome.

Yeah.

River, you see what
I'm doing here?

No.

I'm taking all this
bark off this.

How sharp is that knife?

It's so sharp that I
can shave with it.

Look here.

See that?

Cut the hair.

That thing's sharp.

So hey, don't cut your finger.

Now, you do it.

Put your finger on top of it.

All right.

You want to get all
this white off.

Know what I'm talking about?

Si!

What?

That just looks dangerous,

him doing that with
a real knife!

Boy needs to know how
to handle a pocket knife!

My goodness!

You're getting the hang
of it, River.

I'll tell you what.

I have a better idea.

You're doing good, River.

Si, this is a better idea.

It's a lot less dangerous.

Let me see.

Here you go, River.

See what you can do with it.

Yeah just do it like that.

It's a little slower but
it's coming.

Kay, a little slower.

Let me see that a minute, River.

No, that ain't no good.

Kay, I'm trying to teach
him how to build

a bow and arrow from scratch.

Well he's still a little young.

He'll be fine, Kay.

Ain't that right, River?

There you go.

Would you rather use
a butter knife

or the sharpest knife
in Louisiana?

The sharpest knife.

That's what I figured.

Okay, here we go River.

Okay.

No!

It ain't gon' kill him, Kay.

Well I'm the grandma,

I'm supposed to keep him safe.

Do you know how many times that

Al, Jase, Willie, and Jep
cut their selves?

Hey, boy's got to
learn to use a pocket knife.

This is gon' be the best
bow I've ever made, Kay.

Well River look what
a special present

you're gettin'!

Thanks for making me
a bow, Uncle Si.

No, I've already decided, Kay.

Uncle Si's gon' keep it
himself, boys.

Si, he's a little boy!

No, this is a big boy's bow.

Look, I'm telling you Kay,

this arrow and bow's perfect!

And the arrow, okay, is
straighter than

my back used to be
before I was in Nam.

Your back's never been
straight and you know it.

No, it was straight in Nam.

Yeah, okay.

You are so mean.

I worked hard on this bow!

You're really not gonna
let River have that bow?

No, we'll make you
another one tomorrow.

I want that one.

But you know what,
I got to think

about it right now.

I got to go work on
my power nap.

My goodness.
Good grief.

Boy that's a good one!

Hey, look, don't touch my bow.

I'm gon' go take my
power nap now.

Turbo power!

I hope you don't go to sleep.

I fix to shut down totally.

Brain and body!

The brain's been shut down.

Come on with Mamaw Kay
and we got hot biscuits!

And guess who's not
getting' any biscuits.

Uncle Si.

This is good!

Got a grit lover right here!

How are you?

Nothing better than chili?

This guy's liking
these grits right here.

There you go.

Got some grits too if
you want 'em.

This guy loves 'em!

Thanks for coming!

Enjoy!

He knows good food.

He's the only person
in this town

that knows good food.

Look, yay!

Pretty good?

Babe, how's it going?

This guy loves it.

Nice!

Awesome!

The only reason people
are in this line

is 'cause it's a line.

People walk past it and
they're like

"A line, let me get in
line because everybody

else is in line."

No I have something in demand

and they know they want it.

I know that food ain't awesome.

It is really good.

Give me a bowl of that
chili and let me try it.

I'm gonna give you
a little tester.

We're in Louisiana.

Nobody eats veggie chili!

There you go.

Is this the same chili?

Yeah it's flaxseed
chili, veggie chili.

That's got meat in it.

I n tell you that right now.

There's meat.

No it doesn't.

You see this right here?

That's meat.

See that little piece
right there.

I don't think so I
think that's a bean

smushed up.

This ain't flaxseed,
this beef-seed.

And I taste bacon!

No there isn't.

I can taste bacon.

And I know bacon.

Mom, did you put meat in here?

We'll have to talk later!

I'm really busy, Jess.

What did you do to this Kathy?

I am busy Jep!

This ain't no typical
flaxseed veggie chili.

It's got flaxseed all right.

What else it got in it?

It's got bell peppers and onions

and tomatoes.

You have some fat in here,

I can taste it.

Okay, you got me.

I put a little bit of pork
belly and bacon grease.

What?!

And I changed out the
turkey for beef.

Yeah, okay.

You know Jep, it's hard as a mom

to watch your children struggle.

And if they had tasted
that chili,

you probably would have
won this deal.

You see how I grew up?

Nice parenting.

Mom, I was making
something healthy.

Hey, what's the line like?

Do they like it?

They like it.

Okay, thank you.

You know what?

It doesn't matter!

Is this even healthy anymore?

It's healthier than
your beignets!

What you should've learned is:

You need to be better prepared.

Number two, you lost and we won.

And number three, your
mom needs to get into politics.

I probably do.

You can't do that,
that's cheating.

Well it doesn't matter, we won.

All I heard was "Blah,
blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah,
we cheated."

But we just won.

Cheaters never win, so.

But we just won!

I can cheat and win
at a lot of stuff.

But I ain't gonna do it.

Just ignore him,
he's a sore loser.

I'll admit it, we need
more than beignets

and grits on the menu.

But you got to admit that
chili was not very healthy.

All right, nobody wants healthy.

I mean, people love the
chili 'cause mom

put a little bacon in it.

A little?

I'll admit, y'all won.

But you lied to these people.

I really didn't though.

You are guilty by association.

Just face it.

We won.

Don't be a sore loser.

And next time, do better
on your presentation.

No wonder people were
eating that chili.

It's got hamburger,
bacon grease, pork fat.

It had flaxseed in it!

Can't just throw in one
ingredient in and say,

"It's healthy."

Well I think having some of the

vegetables made it healthy.

Healthy my butt.

That ain't healthy!

I think they would've
liked it anyway.

You mix pork fat with dog food

and it'd be good.

I don't think that.

I would bathe in pork
fat if that was-

Look, I knocked!

Hey.

Nobody heard me.

What's going on?

Well look, me and
River made this out at Kay's

and it turned out so
good I was afraid

he was gon' break it.

So I kept it.

So you took a kid's
toy away from him?

Bothered me all night
so I'm bringing it back

over here to give to him.

Well he loves this slingshot!

Tell me what you can
do with that.

I can shoot beans out of it.

Shoot bees out of it?

Beans.

What?

That's going to be pretty tough

if you run a bee down.

Beans and what else?

Rocks.

Rocks?

M&M's.

Yep.

And I think that's all.

Are you sure you don't

want to trade that for this?

No.

You sure?

Yeah.

Hey look, I can shoot the hole

in the mountain with this thing.

Si, you're a bit extreme.

Check that out, River.

Look at the flexibility
on this thing.

Hey, you can kill a deer
with this bow.

No you wouldn't.

All you'd do is make it mad.

This is homemade!

Nice shot dude!

Thank you, I needed to
blow my nose anyway.

Ew.

Now it's loaded weapon.

Ew.

You want it back?

No.

Well you gon' stay
with the slingshot?

Yep.

You can keep your bow.

I don't think that
bows gonna do anything.

What are you talking about?

You could-

There it goes.

Exactly.

Well look, it's the
humidity in this house,

it dried out the bow.

Yeah.

Well hey, look.

Y'all got any hot dogs
or marshmallows?

At least we got the fire sticks.

I think we do.

Well that's all it's
good for now.

And we have some
really good chili!

No.

What?

I will pass on the
chili all right.

We are gonna let Gus
decide who has

the better food.

Look mama made chili with beans.

Get that, get that, yeah!

You're a cheater
'cause it has powdered sugar.

Powdered sugar, wins every time.

Chow down buddy.

Yum!

Jess, you can kiss my grits.

I knew you'd pick that.

You're a good kid.