Jep & Jessica: Growing the Dynasty (2016–2017): Season 1, Episode 7 - The punishment - full transcript

Welcome to the kid's cafe.

Ooh,
is this a little hors d'oeuvre?

Yeah. Chips and pretzels.

You know I'm going
Paleo right now.

I don't know what
that means, so...

Well, it means I can't
eat chips and pretzels.

Well, who cares? Excuse me, waitress.

Yeah, I don't want that.
Who cares?

Bub, is there nothing
else to eat here? I don't know.

You don't know?
We have water.

I'll take some water.
Thank you.



Go give this to Daddy
and say it's our menu.

This is our menu.

Do you always serve it with
your finger inside the cup?

No.

Hey, guys. Hey, Mom.

Hey, Mom. Come get
some delicious food.

What are y'all doing?
We're playing restaurant.

This water tastes like fingers.

Look how cute this is.

Little pricey.

I definitely think
as parents you want to

give your kids what you
didn't have in your childhood.

Bub mentioned he wants a--

he wants a treehouse. I'm 100% for that.



I built my own treehouse
growing up.

It was a little... rickety.
Yeah. Janky? Yeah.

I do like the idea of a
treehouse for the kids,

but I think a little struggle

every now and again
builds character.

Like when I was a kid,
we spent tons of hours

building our own treehouses,

really doing it
the way we wanted.

Nowadays, you just get these prefab
treehouses and it's like, meh.

Well, I don't want you
to build it. FYI.

You're not a builder.
What are you trying to say?

I just said it,
you're not a builder.

But in the end,

if it gives me and Jess
some alone time,

I'm all for a treehouse.

'Cause there are
kids everywhere.

Bub, I'm trying to do
an interview here.

If we get them out of the house,

there will be less TV watchin',

less game playin'...More Mommy-Daddy time.

And it would give them something
to do outside in nature.

That would be awesome.

Let's do it.

Treehouse for the win.Treehouse.

Kids, come here.
We got something to tell ya.

Come here, Mr. Maître
d'.We have another dessert.

It's called "Melted Nerds."
Ooh, Melted Nerds.

Yeah, I'm not gonna
partake in that.

All right,
we have some news to tell y'all.

What would you guys

think about us building
y'all a treehouse?

Yeah, do you like it?

Yes! And you can
serve us food up there.

And you can get out of
Mom and Daddy's hair. Yay!

This is the tree.

Keep digging.

What is that?

Creatine. Well, it stinks.

Creatine makes you have muscles.

When you have big muscles,
you can do this.

Do you want big muscles?

You got little, scrawny muscles.

I'm talking about big muscles.

But first, you have
to become familiar

with this baby right here.

This is my new
high-powered blender.

This thing can blend anything.

You could put a deer antler
in here, and it'd blend it up,

which is actually
good for you.Eww.

This blender is awesome.
If I had to compare it

to like a TV, this is 5K.
Crazy definition.

If I had to compare it to a car,

this is a 'Vette slash Viper.

Imagine a 5K television

combined with a Corvette,

that's how awesome
this blender is.

Do you realize
the RPMs on this thing?

What is an "RPM"?

I'm not sure what it
exactly stands for,

but this one has a lot of it.

You know what I'm sayin'?
It will take your hand off.

Or your face.

This blender is like my baby.

Dad, I thought
we were your babies.

You are my babies.

But this blender is
also my other baby.

That's rude.

But we have a real baby.

We do.
We have two real babies.

Baby Gus and Baby XR-5000.

XR-5000.

You wanna hear the power?

Wait, how do you
turn this thing on?

There's-- There it is.

Thing's spinnin' fast.

This thing can blend
emotional intelligence

with spiritual enlightenment.

You know what I'm sayin', kids?

Exactly.

You may ask, why would you
get a high-powered blender?

It's because
I'm on the Paleo diet.

You know what that is?

I eat what a caveman eats.

Guys, I'm gonna make us
a healthy smoothie.

Do you guys think you need
to eat healthy food?

Can we put candy in it?

I mean, you could,
but why, buddy?

This is a healthy
meal replacement.

Healthy stuff is gross 'cause it
doesn't have any sugar in it.

Can we use the blender
to play restaurant?

Only if I'm there to supervise.

And sugar is the best
tasting thing in the world.

This is a dangerous
piece of equipment. We're not stupid.

So everybody keep your hands
off my man-tool.

I'm a man. No, you're not
a man yet, buddy.

I don't think so.

Sugar cubes...

All right, here's
the moment of truth.

One, two, three.
Everybody try it.

It's a little funky tastin',
but it's good.

Barf. The first bite's not good,

but once you get past that,
it gets pretty good.

Who wants another smoothie?
I don't.

It's gonna be so cool.

Okay, we need some ice.

Now get some cookie dough!

Okay.

Are you sure Dad's not
gonna be mad, Lil?

No, Dad's not gonna be mad.

Dad's gonna love this smoothie.

Dump it, Lil.

Dump it, dump it, dump it.

Candy.
Let's go get some candy!

Wait.
No, not the wrapper!

Okay! Chunky?

I think our masterpiece
is ready.

What in the world are you doin'?

Okay.

I think our masterpiece
is ready.

What in the world are you doin'?

It looks like throwup
all on the side.

I mean, my floor...

Did you all ruin my blender?

No, no, no, no, no.

No!

Turn it off.

Priscilla,
that floor is gonna be so sticky.

Y'all have a huge mess
to clean up.

Are those my hand towels
you're using?

You're gonna have to
rinse 'em out.

You guys are in big trouble.

River, stop hiding
behind the door.

You come out here too.
You were involved.

Lily, you are 13 years old.

You shoulda known that we
wouldn't want you to do this.

What did I tell you
about using the blender?

I said don't do it.

If you want a smoothie,
just ask me.

I'll make you a smoothie.

But your smoothie--I can
make different kinds.

I woulda made it a little better
like y'all like it,

but not like this.
That looks terrible.

- It's good.
- It's actually pretty good.

I wouldn't feed that to a hog.

It's good. It's got eggs,
it has some candy.

It has like some Coke soda.
It has some--

I don't care what's in it.
You are not supposed to use my blender.

So you broke the rules,
so there will be consequences.

It's definitely hard for me
to stay mad at our kids.

I mean, they're just
so stinkin' cute.

And when they smile at me
and flash those little dimples,

how could I ever
be mad at River?

I was gonna tear up
something he really liked.

If I had done this
when I was y'all's age,

I probably woulda
got a wooden spoon

cracked over my head.

I definitely think
I'm the tougher one.

See, I know you're lying now. No, I'm not.

I-I really do think
that I'm the tougher one.

They're scared
when they get in trouble

and they come talk to me.
With you, they laugh.

They don't laugh. They laugh.

No, they don't laugh. They snicker.

Jess, you are a softy.
You know it.

I am not a softy. You're a plushie.

Honestly, if it was me,
I'd make you drink

that whole thing.
No.

That'll make you sick. Yeah, well...

All right, get to cleanin' up.

We're gonna go meet and see
what your consequences are.

Better be spotless,
you hear me? Spotless.

I cannot believe they did that.

I know. I just told 'em
don't mess with my new blender.

Well, babe, I don't understand
why you left your blender out.

That's not my fault.
The kids got into it.

You wouldn't leave
your keys in your car.

I do leave my keys in my car.

That don't mean they should
get in there and drive it off.

So what are we gonna do?

I know one thing's for sure,
no treehouse.

I think that's
a little too much.

And I already put
money down on it.

How much money?

That's not the issue.

They directly disobeyed me.

Well, we can punish them
some other way.

Jess, you're being too soft
on them. That's the problem.

Babe, I'm not soft.

Jess, you are soft serve.

They need some
punishment right now.

They need to learn. Babe,
you're being a little too hard on them.

Jess, when I was a kid, if I
broke something of my dad's,

that was an automatic
belt whupping.

But babe, we're not
your parents.

Mom used to smack the crap
out of us with a wooden spoon

if we did dumb stuff like this.

Did it stop you
from doing dumb stuff?

Um, not really.
But I don't like wooden spoons anymore.

Well, what do you suggest?

Take them to my dad's.

Do work on the land.

He's moving dirt
to build a levee.

Just have them out there
with shovels.

Babe, River's seven years old,
he can't move tons of dirt.

I worked on a lot
of duck blinds.

I'm a little scarred from
some of that stuff I did.

I didn't really get in trouble
a whole lot, growing up.

You were one of those
perfect attendance nerds?

Yes, I cried. I like,
got a crick in my neck one morning,

and my mom made me go to
the doctor and get a shot,

and I had to miss school
and I cried and cried.

And I was like, it ruined my
perfect attendance that year.

I would fake that my neck
was turned like that

just so I didn't
have to go to school.

I'd be walkin' around...

Well, what if I
took them to Si's?

There's plenty of stuff
to be done there,

and he doesn't ever do
anything anyway,

so it'd be helping him out.

I don't know.
Is that safe?

I don't know. I mean, we'd be there.
I'd be there, it's fine.

Jep, I don't want my kids
permanently scarred.

I don't think it will
permanently scar them.

At least not physically.

Okay, we'll take them
to Si's, I guess.

All right, let's go tell them.

All right, kids.

We got somethin' for you.

Here's the deal. You're not
getting a playhouse right now.

The only way you can get it
is you're gonna have to earn it.

This was dis-earning it.

It's over.

You've been sentenced
to hard labor.

You do the crime,
you gonna do the time.Yup.

That's how it works
in this house.

You're like fluffy pillows.

All right,
you knuckleheaded privates.

Y'all are in trouble.
All four of you.

Gus, you're all right.

I've heard that y'all
have been misbehavin'.

Bunch of misfit privates.

Here's the rule in my house.

Don't touch it!

'Cause look, in my army,
a private has no rights.

You see that over there?
That's a microwave.

Don't let me see you touch it.

You see that?
Refrigerator.

Don't touch it!

The kids might
think we went too far

by sending them to Si's house,

but this is what tough love
looks like.

I mean-- I don't know.
River, you and Priscilla,

y'all are gonna be
outside raking leaves.

And look, you gotta be
careful where you step.

'Cause my next door
neighbor's dog

uses my yard as his toilet.

Eww. You let the dog
just crap in your yard?

Yeah, I let him. I encourage him to.
It's free fertilizer.

Do we have to rake doo-doo?

Ooh. That's a little
too much, Si.

I mean, come on.
Yeah, you have to rake that.

I wouldn't wish this
on my worst enemy.

Jess, there's a reason it's called
punishment and not "funishment."

Lily, Merritt.

You two are gonna give my cat,
Sweetpea, a bath.

Cat bathing. I don't think
that's a good idea.

Cats hate baths. They're gonna
scratch--He'll be all right.

I think this punishment's
a little too rough for kids.

Really, what he's having
them doin' is not that hard.

I think it's pretty harsh. You're soft.

Babe, I mean I don't know.
I think it's pretty harsh.

Now we're talkin' about poop
and cat claws and--

It could be dangerous.
Quit being a softie.

You do the crime,
you do the time.

That's it. If you smelt it,
you dealt it.

I don't think that
applies here. Yeah, it applies.

Do we have to do this?

It's this or no treehouse.

Treehouse? Treehouse.

Y'all are gettin' them
a treehouse?

Yeah, we were.

No, hey, look, I'm tellin' you.
Don't do that.

I fell out of one when I was
a kid and landed on my head.

How did you fall out?

I don't remember, but I never
was the same afterwards.

That explains a lot. No, no, look.
The last thing

you want to have for
that bunch is a treehouse.

All right,
well, maybe we should just

get a playhouse
instead of a treehouse.

Whatever, let's just get
this punishment going,

and then we'll talk about
treehouses and playhouses.

Let me go get the gloves for the
girls, and get the cat.

Cilla and River, we're going
out back to rake leaves.

Y'all are in the yard,
rakin' leaves.

I still don't know about this.

Do we know why
we're rakin' leaves?

Cause we broke the blender.

That's right, 'cause you
broke the blender.

River, why are we rakin' leaves?

'Cause we broke the brender.Okay.

There you go. All right,
this time, say it together.

Why are we rakin' leaves?

'Cause we broke the blender!

We broke the blender, sir!

Eww, there's poop!

Sweep it up with a leaf.

You gotta spread fertilizer.

I think Si's army training

and his just,
knowledge of discipline

are exactly what these
kids need right now.

I mean, they're just kids.
They're not in the army.

Look at all the leaves you left.

Well... I would show you,
but I got a bad back.

All right, Si, don't
micromanage them too much now.

What do ya mean? They can't get every leaf.

No, they must get every leaf.

Did y'all hear that,
you private? Every leaf!

You're doing good, kids.

Do not leave one on the ground.

Keep doin' what you're
doin', you're doin' good.

You know how they say
in the military,

"You either shape up,
or ship out."

Where are they
gonna ship out to?

We're not shipping out
our kids somewhere.

They're gonna learn
or they're gonna--

Well, not burn.
That seems--

Jep, you are taking
this to the extreme.

You're gonna... It's not funny.

Keep goin'.

What are you doin'? What?

Don't blow their pile.

Si, don't blow the pile!
Don't blow the pile!

What?
Stop!

Stop! I can't hear ya.

Yeah, you can! No, I can't hear ya.

Stop! No,
stop! Si!

What are ya doin'? Stop.

Si, turn off the leaf blower!

I can't hear ya
through the leaf blower!

Turn off the leaf blower!

I can't hear ya
through the leaf blower!

I know, turn it off.
Turn it off.

What's wrong with y'all?

They ain't learned nothin' yet.

Si, why are you doin' that
with the blower?

It builds character.

No, it doesn't. That's just
cruel and unusual. No, nah.

Cruel and unusual? Yeah.

No, son, don't go soft on me.

This lesson's hard enough,
just let them rake leaves.

All right, guys. Come on.

Y'all ready to go to
the backyard?

I'll go get Lily and Merritt
set up for Sweetpea.

Y'all take care of business.

All right, look here.
Who's ready to wash the cat? Lily.

No.Lily.

Look, y'all gotta wash this cat.
He stinks.

I think you're gonna have
to get it started.

'Cause I don't want
that crazy wild cat

to turn around and start
clawin' their face.

- Look at him.
- Does this look like

a crazy wild cat?
Those eyes are scary, yes.

Have you looked in
that cat's eyes?

Yeah, I look at him.
He wakes me up every mornin'.

I'm gonna put him in the sink.

Then we're gonna
turn on the water.

- Come back, hey!
- Catch him, catch him.

God!
He's hissin'.Catch him.

Look,
the cat thing is not workin' out.

So, you gonna let the kids off?

I think we should show
a little grace

and let them off
the hook this one time.

No, I ain't gonna
let them off the hook.

We can do something different.

So what are you guys learnin'
from Si's punishments?

Not to mess with the blender.

To obey your parents.

What else? We learned how it's
important to--

clean your bathroom.

Here's your toothbrush.

All right, from the floor
to the ceiling.

And do not use
Si's toothbrushes.True.

We can't clean this whole bathroom
with just these toothbrushes.

Yes, you can.
I used to do it, private.

But, before you do, ease out.

I gotta take care
of some business.

Eww.
Gross.

Fire in the hole!

Gross.

- There's a hair.
- That's a beard hair.

Dad, I'm really hungry and I'ld.

They're cold and really hungry.

I'm cold and hungry.
I'm ready to go home.

The maggots are in mutiny!

I think they're about done, Si.

Pitiful. Hey, guys.

Y'all don't know what cold is.

Dude, it's-it's chilly.
It's cold out here.

I know, it's so cold.

Bunch of wimps.

Being grounded is actually

probably way better than
what Mom and Dad had us do.

Or Uncle Si had us do. Way better.

Did he leave a
prize in there for you?

Eww! Good grief!

Way better.

I think the whole world could
agree with us on that one.

The whole world.

That's disgusting!

Eww.

Don't get that anywhere near your face.
That's disgusting.

I don't think he's cleaned
this in 10 years.

Gross!

I would rather change 100
of Gus' poo-poo diapers--

Eww! Than go and clean
Si's bathroom.

It's clean, look.

I'll be the judge of that.
Gimme that.

These leaves is takin' forever.

Gimme that.
And they're about worn out.

I say we let them off the hook.

I agree.
It's way too cold.

What kind of message you gonna
send to them doing that?

They started a job,
they need to finish it.

They worked really hard and
your bathroom is spic-and-span.

Look, I don't care if you
call me a big softie.

It's time to end this.
All right?

Agreed.

Well, hey, bring them
over next week,

cause I got a leak in the roof.

Nobody got time for that.

Hey! Si.

Look at that sweet face.

She's a fluffy pillow.

I was gonna turn them
into concrete, but nope.

They still fluffy pillows.

I think our kids
learned a lesson today.

And I actually think we did too.

I mean, it's really good
that we're both

so extremes in our parenting,
that way when we come together,

we balance each other out.

It's the ultimate balance.

Yin. Yang.

Pew! Boom.

All right, you're off the hook.

You're gonna get a treehouse.

Treehouse? Whoo!

They don't need a treehouse.

I done told you
what happened there.

Don't fall out of it, kids.

Well, maybe a playhouse. They gonna
fall out of it.

Playhouse. Yeah, maybe a playhouse.

Aren't you all excited?

I'm cold.

Pathetic.
Si, you did good.

That's pathetic. You did taught them
some life lessons.

Pitiful. All right, kids. Come on.

Let's get outta here.
I love you.

I hope they learned
their lesson.

They're still fluffy pillows.

They're coming, they're
coming, they're coming.

No, they're coming.

Hello.

Is this our menu?

Welcome to the Rainbow Cafe,
my name is Priscilla.

Where should I sit?

You sit over on the pink chair,

and then Daddy sits
on the green chair.

Hello, Lily.

Do you like our decorations?

"No shoes, no shirt,
no service." Those are the rules.

I'm still bummed
I didn't do it myself.

We need a kitchen,
is what we need.

Yeah, that's probably a little
too much trouble, there.

We need a refrigerator.

And an ice maker.

We need a blender too.

Bud...

Did you not learn anything?

Do you want to go to
Uncle Si's again?

No!

Well, good. His cat smells gross.

I think we have great kids.

Do they mess up sometimes, sure.

They are great kids.

But after the blender incident,

I think it's best we keep
them on ground level.

True that.

Good meal, guys. Thank y'all.

We just bought this thing.

You got change for a 20?

And don't forget to leave a tip.

Thirty dollars is okay.

Cilla, make sure you
give me a cut of that.

How about a hug?

Hugs are half off today,
but usually they're 100 bucks.

That must be one awesome hug.

All right, guys.
Come here.

I need to talk to each
and every one of y'all.

Come here, we gotta
tell you something important.

Come here. Huddle up, come here.

I'm not paying for this hug.

All right.
We're out of here.

Y'all clean this mess up. All right, guys.

I'm gonna give you a good
review online. All right?

Hey.

Hey.
Y'all tired?

A long day of work over
at Uncle Si's house.

Y'all tell Gus what you learned.

Don't touch
Dad's blender? Yup.

Don't go to Uncle Si's.Exactly.

Daddy, what did you learn?

I learned, is Uncle Si crazy?

The answer is yes.

He is very crazy.

Gus, we love you, buddy.