Jep & Jessica: Growing the Dynasty (2016–2017): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Circumbration - full transcript

Jules gets circumsized and Jep throws a celebration called a "circumbration" party while Jess' friends throw her a baby shower.

Do you see his outfit?

Look how cute he is!

Mama, can I hold him?

You can give him a kiss.

I'm gonna talk to daddy
for a sec.

Can I give him a hug
and a kiss? Yes.

His-- He looks way bigger.

Gettin' a little burnt.
I'm burnin' the sausage.

I'm still gonna eat it.
As long as it tastes good.

Um, don't forget tomorrow
we have that thing

we have to get done.



His thing, you know?

His circ--Shots and--

No, his--

His penis.

You're talkin'
about his circumcision.

Circumcision?

What is a circumcision?

Boy.

That's on you.

I will explain that to you.
I'm gonna let him explain it...

Mama-- Mama--'cause I really don't
even know what happens.

Mama knows a lot about that. No, wait, I--

I don't even know it--
that-- what they do.

I'm not a boy. I don't know what they do.
I don't know what they do.



When it comes to
certain conversations

that may be deemed,
um, inappropriate for kids,

I think we're pretty open
and just go ahead

and tell 'em like it is.

Yeah. Trust me.

My dad taught me
like it was.Yeah.

I mean Mommy and Daddy time,

we kinda like--

we have codes for that.

But as far as, like,
anything else,

I feel like we are pretty open.
I don't know.

My favorite code word is
"Let's go to the Batcave."

You love it.

You love it.
Don't act like you don't like it.

Cats out of the bag
now, literally.

So, yeah, I say we explain it.

Pretty sure
it's basically, kids...

you got the thing here.

And then you just...

bloop, there it goes.

That's what you had done.

That's gross.

I want the sausage,

and I want that little piece.

Ew.

Who wants breakfast?

That is gross.

Bub, you've been circumcised.
Did you know that?

I've been to the circus?

You've been to
the circus as well,

but when you were little,
you had your...

cut on a little bit.

Basically,
it's clipping some skin

off the lower unit.

I might throw up.

I mean, I think you do have
to filter your words

around the kids 'cause...

you know, they just don't know
what a lot of stuff means

at this point.

So you kinda have
to put it in kiddy language.

And you're real good at that.

Well, I'm just sayin',
you would say,

"A man's male part."

We just call that a...

I'm not sure
where that came from,

but it doesn't sound gross
and it's kind of funny.

Also, it rhymes with weenie,

so you kind of get the point.

So, circumcision
is like lagniappe,

which is a French term,

I believe,
that means a little extra.

So you go in

and there's a little
somethin' that's there,

but it didn't have to be there.

And in fact, its kinda
like, "Why even have it?"

Like, you can just
get rid of it.

No.It's an analogy,
is what I'm try to.

Well I'm just sayin' Daddy.

that you want half of
that--That is not the way...

I'm just sayin',
you don't have to have-- Dad!

I learned about that
during bible class,

but we never-- Really?

Tell us. Tell us
what you learned.

Well, we were readin' the Bible,

and it said, "After eight days

the boys would get
circumcised."

When we asked the teacher
what it was,

he just said that they get

stuff cut off in the area.

That's what they're teaching
you in Bible class?

Well, that's advance
study there.

Well, that's really gross.

It is kinda gross.
I'm not gonna lie.

Can I go?

Where you wanna go, buddy?

Circumcise?

You already got circumcised.
You're good.

Sort of a
one-and-done type deal, bud.

But tomorrow,
we're gonna take the baby,

and he's gonna get circumcised.

Now, who wants to go?

You wanna go? Bub's in.

We'll probably have
to bring all of you

'cause I don't wanna have
to get a baby-sitter. So...

We got it?
We're all goin'

as a family to support him.

So,
we're not gonna go to the circus?

Nope.
That's not what I'm talkin' about.

All right,
let's get this boy circumcised.

No.

All right, Baby Jules,

we're all here for ya.

We're gonna root you on.

Gonna get clipped.

I've always considered myself

kind of a documentarian.

To me, this is the best
thing you can document.

I mean this is...

a boy becoming a man.

He's not becoming a man. But I'm sayin'

he's on his way
to becoming a man.

He's gonna watch it,
and he'll probably show it to his friends.

Like, "check this out."

Look, baby's first bath,

baby's first smile...

baby blessing--

those are the memories
you wanna remember.

So he can roll over 47 times.

I mean, who cares about
the first time he did it.

All right, Baby Jules,

what you gotta do is focus

on something different,

something besides
what's happening.

Babe, he's too little
to do that.

Well, I'm sayin',
once he sees the video

of it actually happening,
when he's a little older,

then he'll be like,
"Man, I have a great dad."

Like he really, man,

lookin' out for every facet
of my childhood.

But what about his mama?

You're helping.
You're filming.

Jep. Okay, guys,
are you ready?

Yeah.

Is this it?
Is this the place? Yeah.

Y'all say a
prayer for your brother.

Everybody say a prayer
for his...

Before he gets
his weenie cut off.

Ooh,
let's hope they don't cut it off, buddy.

Those are my grandbabies later.

Good luck. Love you.

Love you.

Doc. How ya doin'?
I'm Dr. Trejo.

Well, we're gonna get ready
to do the circumcision.

Y'all have any questions?

I do. Will he numb
it at all with a--

Yes, we sure do. You will?

Like a lotion or something,
or like do you shoot it?

No, it's a little injection.

So do we actually
get to, like, watch

and see what happens?

Yes. Yep.

You ever have any parents,
like, pass out? Yes.

Really?.

We just push them to the side.

You may pass out watchin' it.

I'm so nervous
about this procedure.

I mean, I don't really
know much about it.

All I know is River had one,

but it was when I was still out,

after I had him,
when they did it.

It happens every day.
It cannot be that big a deal.

We're gonna watch it.
We're gonna see him through.

We're gonna hold his hand,

and we're gonna talk him
through it.

And I think it won't be
a big deal.

So your last name is Trejo?

Yes, sir. And your first name?

Daniel. So Danny Trejo?

Danny Trejo, yes. That is awesome.

I get mixed up with the actor.

Yeah. "Muh-chet-ay." Nice.

You seen that, Jess?

He's a good bad guy. He sure is.

All right, well, let's get busy.

All right.

All right, kiddos... Let's do this.

y'all say a prayer
for your baby brother.

Yep. Here we go. We'll be waiting.

I mean, what is the irony in
a man who does circumcisions,

has the same name
for a man known

for killin' folks
with a "muh-chet-ay"?

I don't think
he said it like that.

I don't think
it's called a "muh-chet-ay."

That's how you say it. I thought it was
a "muh-shet-ee?

No, that is not how you say it.

What's up?

We love you baby boy.

Man, this is--

Woo! This is--

He's already, like, not happy.

Ooh. Shot in the...

Ooh.

Buddy, this is not good for you.

I knew we we're
in over our heads

when I saw the tools
that he was preparing.

As a man, watching that
it-- it hurts.

A little nauseous.

Woo.

Okay, I think I'm, um--
I think I'm out, Jess.

There you go. I didn't even want
to video this.

I'm gonna go--Seriously.

I gotta go take some--
Somethin'.

Your daddy is such a weenie.

Yeah. It was tough.

I don't even know anything
to compare that to.

I thought it was gonna be,
like, one quick machete strike.

No.

That was...
not cool.

Man, like, you just think like,

a snip, but no,
there's a lot more to it.

There was some
filleting involved.

Whoa.

Lord.

Baby Jules, remember.

Mommy stayed in here
with you, not daddy.

Find your happy place, buddy.

Your almost done, baby boy.

Yeah, that's-- that is not cool.

I'm ready to hold my baby.

You are a trooper, little boy.

This is totally
not what I thought.

I thought you were just like,
"This is just--

This is his manhood,
and we gotta get this on camera.

And then you just
hightailed it out of the room.

I got most of what I needed.
You didn't get any of it.

All you got was him numbing it.

I got things.
You handed me the phone.

I mean, I've seen
a lot of things

that maybe a lot
of people haven't.

I've never seen a thing
like that, ever.

I don't ever wanna see
anything like that again.

I don't either.

Are you okay?

That was way more
than I thought.

I gotta be honest with you, Doc,

I got a little woozy there.Yeah.

I got you a present.
Hold on.

Here you go.

That's for the scrapbook.

So what is that-- That
is-- That is-- all right.

That's the foreskin. There's a lot of skin
coming off of there.

Yeah, I watched him cut it off.

Why are you holding--
you're holding it like it's--

like it's contagious
or somethin'.

I'm afraid if I see it,
I may pass out.

You did good, buddy.

Thanks, Dr. Danny Trejo.

It isn't weird.

Ew!

All right, babe,

tell us how you feel now.

I really don't
feel like doing that anymore.

Well, this was all your idea.

You wanted to pass all this
wisdom to your son.

You--you lived, buddy.

I'm proud of you.

So, between you and I,

who stuck in there
the whole time with him?

Who was the strong one?

Congratulations.

Your mama. Give yourself a pat
on the back.

Yes, that's right.
Your mama hung in there.

Well, if you were a man,
you would've done

exactly what I'd have done
and ran.

So that's the wisdom
you wanna leave your son?

Run away? All right, cut.

Whoo. Well, at least
it's done now.

Yep, but that memory
will last forever.

Is it weird if I really want some
chicken and french-fries right now?

I want a Beanie Weenie.

Jess, why do you have him
in a dress?

Babe, that's a gown.

What?
Men do not wear gowns.

Babies wear sleeping gowns.

It's just easier to, like,
change 'em through the night

if they go potty.
You know?

Do you have some pants
I can put on him

'cause this is just weird.

Even in the old days,
men wore gowns to sleep in.

That's just what they did.

That's all made-up.

Jess. The ring.

Is it okay?

The ring is gone.

What? He gone.

The One Ring to rule them all.

What?

The One Ring.

I rule them all.

That's right. Is it in his diaper?

Yep. Awesome!

Bub, you wanna come look?

I'm fine.

Just bring it in here
and throw it away.

No, I'm keepin' that.

We can put this
next to his foreskin.

I'm gonna make

a glass display case
with a light possibly on it,

that has his foreskin,
his... ring,

and anything else cool that comes
off his body. Jep, no you're not.

Yeah.

That is disgusting.

You gotta think
about when he's older

and he has all his
accomplishments on the wall.

He's got his Nobel Peace Prize.

He's got his foreskin.

You're gonna put his foreskin
next to his Nobel Peace Prize?

Yeah, two hardest things
he ever worked to achieve.

Hey, babe? Yeah.

Don't forget. Friday they're
throwing me that baby shower,

and I need you to keep the kids.

So I just wanted to make sure
you don't forget

'cause sometimes you do.

Come on.
let's go with your mama.

Is that okay? Do what now?

Remember I said I had
that baby shower, Friday night,

and you said you would watch the kids.
I got people comin' over.

I mean, what are you guys
gonna even do?

It's gonna be a celebration
of Jules' manhood.

It's gonna be
a "circumbration."

That's not even a word.

A celebration
of the circumcision--

"circumbration."

That's ridiculous.

It makes a lot of sense to me.

You've had some
pretty crazy ideas,

but a circumbration?
Seriously?

There's no such thing, okay?

Baby showers--
it's about the baby.

Getting gifts for the baby
that the baby will need, okay?

Circumbration is like--
it's like for you.

Like you wanna have
a party for you?

No, it's for him.

This is a part of being
a dude for a lot of guys.

So you need to celebrate it.

You need to make note of it.

And you need to have
guy parties and grill stuff.

I totally think it's an excuse
to hang out with the guys.

There's a big difference
between an excuse and a reason.

Babe, the women always
have the baby showers

'cause they're the ones
that carry the baby.

But you didn't carry the baby.

But I carried him in my
heart the whole nine months.

So did I. So that's 50/50.
We both carried the baby.

Look, bring your foreskin
and your scalpel too

'cause we're gonna circumbrate
good times with you.

Jep.

It's cool and you know it.

No, I mean, it's a little funny,

but it's just corny.

Circumbration.

Since you said it was 50/50,

and we're co-parents,
he just had a poopy.

So Daddy duty.

As long as we have our
circumbration, I'm fine with it.

All right, as long as you
can watch the kids for me.

Well, we're gonna
circumbrate, buddy.

We are.
It's gonna be awesome.

Hey.

Hi!

My goodness.

This looks awesome guys.

You went all out.
Y'all shouldn't have.

You shouldn't have.

Thank you. Hey.

Hey, how are you? Good, good.

He was fussing.

Hey. He was so-- He was not
very happy with that long drive.

He's the most precious thing.

I was like, "I can't stop now,
I'm running late to my own baby shower."

All right. What is that?
There we go.

Don't fall over your sandals.

This is what you call
a major surprise.

We've brought you some gifts.

All right. Now, here we go.

Pull them on out there, Nick.

Gotta shut it afterwards.

Here's whatever you call it.

That's your drum roll
right there.

Weener Kleener soap.

"Large or small or inbetweener,
nothing beats a cleaner wiener."

That's a lot of truth
in that one. That's awesome.

Hey, Jess, so are you
ready to open some gifts?

Open gifts.

I think that's from Ashley.

Ashley, that's so cute.Ashley.

You did so good.

He's gonna be a little stud.

Looks like a picture of a wolf.

I figured little Baby Jules
needed the spirit of the wolf.

I might cry a little. If I ever do get
a tattoo, it will be this right here.

It'll be right on my chest.

And that's from Emily.

Aw.Let me see.

My dad rocks,
aw. You think he rocks.

Thank y'all, thank y'all. Thank them.

Aw, I love it.

Is that a gift?

That's a gift.
They're just turkey feet.

That is-- I mean that sucker's
got some spurs. Look at that.

You know kids like dinosaurs that
they kind of look like raptor feet.

That's awesome, dude

Now, I'm not sure how Jess
is gonna feel about this stuff.

You think Jep's having
this much fun?

I'd love to be a
fly on the wall.Well...

I'm sure he's
having a good time.

He's not even thinking about us.

Do you? No.

Circumbration, circumbration,
circumbration.

This is what circumbration
parties are all about.

This isn't gonna end well.

Don't break your leg.

- Give him a clap.
- Now we're--

we're having a circumbration.

I guarantee you this--

at the baby shower,
none of the women climbed walls.

No.You know what
I'm sayin'?

Aw. My goodness.

She's from Aunt Amy.

I love it. That is from you?

So, dude, tell us
about the circumcision.

- How did it go?
- Did you watch it? It's medieval.

I just thought they go in there
and clip some skin off.

I mean that first move,
he just went, shh-dink!

I mean, I was like, whoa!

I actually videoed it. You videoed it?

Yeah, y'all wanna see it?
It ain't for the faint of heart, buddy.

Aw, dude, quit being a wuss.
Let's watch it.

All right, get ready, son.

This is ol' Baby Jules.

So how'd it go the other day?

With his circumcision?

Let me tell you.
I've never seen anything like that before.

I'm like, why did
God not let them

be born just as
it's supposed to be.

Yes. You know what I'm sayin'?

This is when he starts
getting down and dirty.

The filleting starts
taking place.

Boy, now we gettin'--

Look at that. He's got a... What?

Boy, there's when stuff happens.

Ack!

Goodnight.Don't.

Are we supposed
to eat after that?

I will not eating any sausage.

Yeah, Jep like heads out.
He can't take it.

I'm like, seriously?
He didn't even see the worst part.

Really?
He saw them injecting it.

With some numbing stuff.
That's about it.

Look at that. Look. Look!
My God. My God.

I haven't seen
this part before. Whoa.

Dude. The doc won't let go.

Looks like a cigar cutter. That's exactly
what it looks like.

He ain't being
gentle with the jewels.

All right,
that's about all that I can watch of that.

That was so gross. Whoo, yeah.

I had to be like,
your momma stood by you.

I stuck it out.
Note to self. Momma's still here.

Momma's always there.

Well, boys, this has been
a circumbration to remember.

I'm proud.

He's now becoming a man.
The gifts were awesome.

Way better than anything Jess can get
at the baby shower. Yeah, I agree.

It's just weird to think like,

just a few weeks ago,
he wasn't in my life.

Like literally he--
God placed him in our lives.

Just out of nowhere.

And I just love
seeing the change

in Jep and the rest of the kids.

Like it's not about, you know,

them nitpicking
over little things.

They have this new life
and it's just-

it's just been such
a blessing in their lives.

I love it.

Thanks, guys. Yeah.

Can we take some of those
sausages home with us?

Sure, Dan. You can have all
the sausage you want, buddy. Let's go.

Cheers, boys.Circumbration.

♪ Circumbrate good
times, Come on ♪

Woo-hoo!

Did you have a good time?

Yep.
Yeah, we ate some sausages and

He showed us the video.

What video?
÷lt was brutal.

I showed him that
"circumentary," yeah.!

Did the kids see it? No.

Goodness. But it was bad.

It was worse than I
could have imagined.

You guys should
thank us for being men

and going through
what we went through.

Yeah, we went
through that. What y'all went through?

Yes. What about when we
have the baby?

Cannot be worse than that.

Cannot be worse.Yeah.

Circumcision, hands down,
worse than childbirth.

We're talking about sharp scissors.

I disagree.

I carried four kids in my belly

nine months,
four different times,

versus nine minutes.

One ends with an
adorable baby being born,

and one ends with
a little foreskin.

This big.

I will cherish them both
with all my heart.

Wait, let me show you this.

This is so cute.
You're gonna love it.

Baby Jules! Baby Jules.

Little Jules.

Aw.

Daddy. Says, "I got my name in gold."

Very cool.

Man, he is beat.
He is gone.

He is so sweet.

Sleep it off, little man.
You've done good.

Love you, bud.

Just finished your circumbration
and your baby shower.

So-- Baby shower was awesome.

Circumbration was better.

Let's go and look at his gifts.
Come on.

Look at these nunchucks
down there.

What's up?
Angry wolf picture. What?

We're gonna have a whole wall
dedicated to all your trophies,

your Pulitzer Prize.

Your basic foreskin.
That's disgusting.

Your wrestling belt. All right.

That's a little much. I'm just saying.

He's not gonna wrestle.
You're gonna have it all.

Point is, buddy, we love ya.

We'll believe in ya, and you're gonna
grow up to do some awesome things.

We love you so much, baby.