Jennifer Falls (2014): Season 1, Episode 6 - School Trouble - full transcript
When Gretchen starts getting in trouble at school, Jennifer will stop at nothing to find out what's going on with her daughter.
Look at this.
There's a profile on that actor
from that show that everyone's watching.
He was born here in Canyon Country
but lives in Beverly hills now.
Hmm, sounds like my life in reverse.
Well, you didn't become
an actress, sweetheart.
Thank goodness.
You were very stilted in your
third grade Christmas play.
I was a candy cane.
I never really bought it.
[Sighs]
Mom, Gretchen was in a fight at school!
Morning.
When were you gonna tell me about this?
Are you going through my pockets?
You want me to pee in a jar for you, Mom?
Why would you make her do that, Jennifer?
No, Mom.
You were fighting?
Are you serious? You think
I would fight someone?
No, she pushed me, and I pushed her back.
And we got a lecture. End of story.
- And that's it?
- Yeah.
Can I get lunch money?
You know, if you're ever
having problems at school,
you can always come to me
and talk to me about it.
It's not a... huh.
I thought I had more than this in here.
In fact, I know I had
more than this in here.
Do you think I stole from you?
Oh, my God. Unbelievable.
I'm out of here.
It has to be the stress.
I mean, her whole world's
been turned upside down.
I took her out of the school she loved.
I took her away from all of her friends.
Mm-hmm.
I yanked her out of
the house she grew up in
and dropped her in the house I grew up in.
That's gotta be crushing for her, right?
What? You want me to talk to her?
No, I want you to talk to me!
Look, Gretchen's in trouble.
What do I do? Do I need
to be more hands-on?
Or need to spend more time with her?
Mothering's about the
quality of your time together,
not the quantity.
When I was getting my doctorate,
I didn't have a lot of
time to spend with you.
But when I did, I made it count.
And you turned out just fine.
Mom, I got pregnant
right out of high school.
Right. That was odd.
Yeah!
Yes! [Cheering]
Hey! Hey!
Yasiel Puig just hit a walk-off homer!
[Cheering]
My wife is ovulating!
Hey, hon, look.
According to my fertility
app, eggs a poppin',
tomorrow is the next shot we
have at getting you pregnant.
Oh, it's so sweet
that you're keeping
track of my uterus for me.
It's a little creepy you're high-fiving
your friends about it.
I'm just really anxious.
We've been trying for months, and nothing.
Stop worrying so much.
Can't you just enjoy the process?
Ugh, I'll try.
Fighting and stealing,
that doesn't sound like Gretchen.
Sounds like my book club.
Yeah, but it has to be everything
that's happened to her.
I mean, losing everything's
gotta be a shock to her system.
She's just acting out, right?
Hate to say it, monkey,
but I agree with Maggie.
I mean, our parents weren't very hands-on,
and we never got in any serious trouble.
Do I smell marijuana cigarettes?
We have cramps!
I'm not falling for that again.
[Laughs]
He's wasting it.
Dude.
What? What?
That's not fair.
You know what, this is a wake-up call.
I don't want her to turn out like us.
We need to talk.
Mom, before you start...
I'm already started.
I know that I was a little
too busy with my career
when you were growing up.
And a little too dependent
on Lupe raising you.
But those days are over.
I'm gonna be way more
involved in your life now.
Listen to me, I just...
No, things are gonna be different.
- You don't understand.
- I do understand.
I know you've been freaked out by the move.
But from now on, I'm gonna be hands-on.
And you and I are gonna get through
this transition together.
Okay?
There. I feel better already.
I bet you do too.
So let's just start
over with a clean slate.
What do you say?
I got suspended from school.
Well, I give up.
Gretchen vandalized a car?
Man, that's pretty ballsy.
Would you stop saying that?
It's not really helping.
Wow.
17 years.
Man, it still looks exactly the same.
Ooh, look, the bench.
- Bench.
- Ugh.
We spent a lot of time on that bench.
'Sup?
You don't know me.
Nope, I don't. I'm sorry, I don't.
Okay, you... you ready to do this thing?
Yes, I've got your back.
Thanks, Dina, because, you know,
I'm still new to this whole
"being an involved parent" thing, so...
Dina?
My trophy! Where's my name?
Who's Marissa Rosales?
I may not be setting the world on fire
as a parcel delivery specialist,
but I had my glory days.
I was the all-time career high scorer
at Canyon Country high.
Go brittle bushes!
It's a desert flower. It's very rugged
and drought resistant.
Hey, Rosales!
Dina Simac.
I'm sure you were expecting
me sooner or later.
Do I have a package?
Funny.
Listen, chicky, I'm the
legend you've been chasing.
Sorry, ma'am, did you play basketball?
Did I play?
I owned this school, Rosales.
Why is your name on my cup?
'Cause I'm better than you?
Oh, ho-ho! You feel that?
Do you feel that? That is how on it is.
It is on, everyone!
What do you say we settle who's better
with a little one-on-one, huh?
Not today 'cause I haven't
delivered my premium packages,
but later in the week at a
time of our mutual choosing.
Are you down?
Not really.
Yeah? 40 bucks says I'll win.
I don't think so.
What if I paid you 40 bucks to play?
- 50.
- Done.
What's going on?
Oh, it's all right. We're cool.
Hey!
Jennifer Doyle.
It's so lovely to see you
again after all these years.
Well, it is lovely to see
you too, Mr. Whitehorn.
I just want you to know
that I am not one of those mothers
whose child gets in trouble
and then blames the school.
Well, why would you?
Well, I wouldn't.
[Both chuckle]
That's how I'm different.
Well, let me just show you
how your daughter is different.
- Holy...
- Surprised?
Uh... Gretchen said she didn't do it.
We have witnesses.
I don't know if you know this or not...
I don't know why you would...
But I have recently
become a hands-on parent.
Uh-huh.
This isn't who Gretchen is.
And I realize that she
needs to take responsibility
and she should be punished. I get that.
But I was thinking that you
and I could maybe work together,
lift the suspension,
give her a second chance,
and, you know, show her that
we are really working as a team.
Oh, we're a team now?
That's funny, Doyle.
'Cause 17 years ago we
were on different teams.
See, my team was about following the rules.
Your team was about making
my life a living hell.
I supposed Dina and I could be pranksters.
Pranksters?
You filled my desk with
fish over Christmas vacation.
Oh, my God, I forgot about that.
I didn't.
I never got the smell out of here.
I don't really smell anything.
Liar!
I smell it every day!
You know, Doyle,
the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Okay, that is not fair.
You're judging Gretchen
because you've always had it out for me.
No, I'm judging her because
she is just like you,
a screw-up.
A screw-up?
Screw you,
you pompous son of a bitch ass...
[School bell ringing]
You can't keep us here.
You're not even a real cop.
What, did your mom sew that badge on?
There you are. Oh, no.
You too, Dina?
Mom, what are you doing here?
Could you tell Bill Maggie Doyle is here?
Mom, Mr. Whitehorn has always hated me.
I didn't do anything.
I'll talk to you in a minute, missy.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Doyle.
It was Jennifer's idea.
- Maggie.
- Bill.
You look fantastic.
You know, you made a deal with the devil.
On the contrary, it's clean living.
[Both laughing]
What are we going to do about Gretchen?
Well, since it's you, mags,
I'll waive the suspension just this once.
- Oh, thank you, bill.
- [Clears throat]
I have to get to the bottom
of this thing with Gretchen.
I've pretty much run out of places to turn.
I was hoping to avoid this,
but I have no other choice.
I have to turn to the one person
in the world who knows her best.
You have to help me, Lupe.
You're my only hope.
I expected you sooner. [Laughs]
[Grunts]
Ah!
Oh.
I just thought if I
spent more time with her,
and, you know, opened up
the lines of communication,
and asked her how she was really feeling...
_
Si.
What did she say?
Oh, uh, she said you
look like a movie star.
Oh, that is so sweet, thank you.
Look, Gretchen? Not your friend.
You're her mother. You
don't ask her anything,
you tell her.
You gotta roll up your
sleeves and do the work.
Good, good, that is good.
No, here. Do the work.
Alma and I gotta be out of here by 5:00.
Hey, babe. I made you a smoothie.
Aw, thanks, sweetie.
[Sipping]
Mm, that's a texture I didn't see coming.
You're probably reacting
to the raw oysters.
I hate oysters.
But your eggs love them.
They're packed with zinc,
which is crucial to healthy eggs.
Wayne, that's so sweet.
It'll happen when it happens.
That's not what Julio and
little Julio in the kitchen say.
They recommend a Kokopelli fertility doll.
A fertility doll? Are you serious?
Why don't we just sacrifice a chicken?
I don't know, do we really want twins?
It's just so hard to set boundaries.
Boundaries... [Speaks spanish]
How did you people get all our land?
Are you spying on her?
What? God, of course not.
I totally respect her privacy,
I would never spy on her.
I mean, I sometimes find things
when I'm going through the laundry, but...
Wait, you're doing the laundry?
- Are all your clothes pink now?
- [Laughter]
No!
You gotta snoop. Every good mother snoops.
It's how you find out what
your children are up to.
But what is she up to?
- A boy.
- A boy?
_
_
What... what did she say?
She said, "yeah, of course it's a boy.
What are you, stupid?"
Follow Gretchen. You'll find the boy.
Now, make me a smoothie.
Yes, we want to watch you use a blender.
[Laughter]
What?
- [Imitating blender]
- [Laughter]
I know how to use a blender.
[Grunts]
Denied!
I'm ready.
Again, I'm very sorry.
Still not looking. Good luck on Friday!
Okay, Gretchen, party's over.
Mom? What are you doing?
Are you spying on me?
Hey, I am the mother here,
and I will ask the questions.
'Cause your question is awkward.
So... hey.
Keep going.
I hate you, Lupe.
You went to Lupe?
- I was desperate.
- I see.
Naturally, you turn to
someone you trust and admire.
Maybe Lupe has a spare
bedroom in her house.
Hey, Grandma, Detective Doyle.
This is Taylor, I believe you've met.
- Gretchen, listen...
- What did you think we were
doing in there?
Gretchen, hold it a second.
Was your mother inappropriate? Yes.
Was she out of bounds? Absolutely.
But...
That's all I wanted to say.
I didn't do any of the
things you thought I did, Mom.
First of all, I would never
take money out of your wallet.
Oh, that was me. I needed cash,
and with all that tip money in
your purse, it's like an ATM.
I owe you 70 bucks and some kleenex.
Oh.
You know what, Mom?
I don't know who messed
up that car at school,
but I didn't go near it.
Oh. That was my old girlfriend,
Carrie Beckford.
The one who pushed me?
Hey, I was going to tell Whitehorn,
but then your grandmother
got you off suspension.
I did do that, didn't I?
Carrie got super jealous
when she knew we were hanging out together.
She effed up that car
and then got her friends
to say they saw you do it.
See, what did I tell you?
Your daughter's fine.
[Laughs]
I mean, this is really funny, right?
Gretchen. Gretchen!
So, did you pee on the stick?
Julio is dying to know.
Little Julio's playing it
cool, but nobody's buying it.
Honey, this is no one's business but ours.
I know, I'm just feeling
really good about it.
You know, I got to tell you.
After that last session we had,
if there was an egg within
five feet of you, I nailed it!
Now Gretchen's not
going to trust me anymore
and she's going to start to really act out.
And then Mom's going to
say it's all my fault.
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm training for my
shootout with Rosales.
I'm not even sitting on a stool
right now, my butt is hovering.
- I'm using my thighs.
- Wow.
I stopped by the school today
to give her one of those,
"I'm looking at you," deals.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm in her head,
making myself at home.
You know what she's
thinking about right now?
- Hmm?
- Dina.
Or she's thinking that
you're some crazy lady
who's totally obsessed with her.
- Either way, I'm in her head.
- Mm, yeah.
[Knocking on door]
Am I a dad? I got to know.
Also I got to go to the bathroom.
Sorry, honey.
Oh, baby.
You have nothing to apologize for.
We'll get there.
I hear great things about
the ice water tea bag.
- Love you.
- I love you, too.
Now, move it!
Hey. I got you some treats.
Got you some licorice and some Kimye dirt.
Mom!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
- What are you doing in here?
- What are you doing in here?
Don't you know how to knock?
Don't you know how to not do this
in your grandmother's house in my old bed.
Ugh!
See you in chem, Gretchen. Bye, Ms. Doyle.
Ugh, get out.
Don't yell.
You were conceived in this bed.
Ew, just yell.
In this house, in this bed,
my entire life changed
forever.
And everything went wrong here.
And also the best thing that
ever happened in my life
started here.
You.
You know, it wasn't easy.
I mean, I had to work my ass off to prove
that I could raise a daughter.
And I vowed that she would
get the best of everything.
It was really, really hard and scary.
And turning back was not an option.
It's just...
It's just something I
would never wish for you.
And now I am scared to death that you are
going to turn out to be just like me at 16.
So, please,
don't be me.
Mom, I never want to be you.
Oh, thank God.
Kind of crushing me.
I know, sweetie. I'm
still really mad at you.
And you're grounded for a
month, no boys allowed.
Which was the rule in the first place,
but we'll figure this out.
[Sighs]
Aw! Thank you!
Yeah! Dina Simac.
Oh, yeah, never forget! Whoa... oh!
Nice job, Rosales. Respect.
All right, you won.
I guess I'll just have to console myself
with my 50 bucks...
My scholarship to Stanford,
my trophy,
oh, and my future.
Wow, damn.
You were right about her, Mom.
I had nothing to worry about.
Oh, it was easy for me to say now,
but I worried about you all the time
when you were that age.
All the time.
Then you went out and got knocked up.
There's nothing you can do.
That is so wise.
And so not reassuring at all. I know.
Sorry I'm late, but look who won.
- Wow.
- Right?
Did they give you that trophy?
Oh, what do you think,
I broke into the trophy case and took it?
- I mean...
- Hey.
- Okay.
- Don't.
Are you guys ready?
- Yes.
- Ooh.
Oh, my. Oh, my.
- [All gasping]
- Oh, my God, honey.
It's amazing.
Three generations of Doyle women.
I'm so proud.
Not quite ready for the next one, but...
Very proud.
Oh, it's beautiful, Gretchen.
Just beautiful.
I wish you weren't wearing that shirt.
There's a profile on that actor
from that show that everyone's watching.
He was born here in Canyon Country
but lives in Beverly hills now.
Hmm, sounds like my life in reverse.
Well, you didn't become
an actress, sweetheart.
Thank goodness.
You were very stilted in your
third grade Christmas play.
I was a candy cane.
I never really bought it.
[Sighs]
Mom, Gretchen was in a fight at school!
Morning.
When were you gonna tell me about this?
Are you going through my pockets?
You want me to pee in a jar for you, Mom?
Why would you make her do that, Jennifer?
No, Mom.
You were fighting?
Are you serious? You think
I would fight someone?
No, she pushed me, and I pushed her back.
And we got a lecture. End of story.
- And that's it?
- Yeah.
Can I get lunch money?
You know, if you're ever
having problems at school,
you can always come to me
and talk to me about it.
It's not a... huh.
I thought I had more than this in here.
In fact, I know I had
more than this in here.
Do you think I stole from you?
Oh, my God. Unbelievable.
I'm out of here.
It has to be the stress.
I mean, her whole world's
been turned upside down.
I took her out of the school she loved.
I took her away from all of her friends.
Mm-hmm.
I yanked her out of
the house she grew up in
and dropped her in the house I grew up in.
That's gotta be crushing for her, right?
What? You want me to talk to her?
No, I want you to talk to me!
Look, Gretchen's in trouble.
What do I do? Do I need
to be more hands-on?
Or need to spend more time with her?
Mothering's about the
quality of your time together,
not the quantity.
When I was getting my doctorate,
I didn't have a lot of
time to spend with you.
But when I did, I made it count.
And you turned out just fine.
Mom, I got pregnant
right out of high school.
Right. That was odd.
Yeah!
Yes! [Cheering]
Hey! Hey!
Yasiel Puig just hit a walk-off homer!
[Cheering]
My wife is ovulating!
Hey, hon, look.
According to my fertility
app, eggs a poppin',
tomorrow is the next shot we
have at getting you pregnant.
Oh, it's so sweet
that you're keeping
track of my uterus for me.
It's a little creepy you're high-fiving
your friends about it.
I'm just really anxious.
We've been trying for months, and nothing.
Stop worrying so much.
Can't you just enjoy the process?
Ugh, I'll try.
Fighting and stealing,
that doesn't sound like Gretchen.
Sounds like my book club.
Yeah, but it has to be everything
that's happened to her.
I mean, losing everything's
gotta be a shock to her system.
She's just acting out, right?
Hate to say it, monkey,
but I agree with Maggie.
I mean, our parents weren't very hands-on,
and we never got in any serious trouble.
Do I smell marijuana cigarettes?
We have cramps!
I'm not falling for that again.
[Laughs]
He's wasting it.
Dude.
What? What?
That's not fair.
You know what, this is a wake-up call.
I don't want her to turn out like us.
We need to talk.
Mom, before you start...
I'm already started.
I know that I was a little
too busy with my career
when you were growing up.
And a little too dependent
on Lupe raising you.
But those days are over.
I'm gonna be way more
involved in your life now.
Listen to me, I just...
No, things are gonna be different.
- You don't understand.
- I do understand.
I know you've been freaked out by the move.
But from now on, I'm gonna be hands-on.
And you and I are gonna get through
this transition together.
Okay?
There. I feel better already.
I bet you do too.
So let's just start
over with a clean slate.
What do you say?
I got suspended from school.
Well, I give up.
Gretchen vandalized a car?
Man, that's pretty ballsy.
Would you stop saying that?
It's not really helping.
Wow.
17 years.
Man, it still looks exactly the same.
Ooh, look, the bench.
- Bench.
- Ugh.
We spent a lot of time on that bench.
'Sup?
You don't know me.
Nope, I don't. I'm sorry, I don't.
Okay, you... you ready to do this thing?
Yes, I've got your back.
Thanks, Dina, because, you know,
I'm still new to this whole
"being an involved parent" thing, so...
Dina?
My trophy! Where's my name?
Who's Marissa Rosales?
I may not be setting the world on fire
as a parcel delivery specialist,
but I had my glory days.
I was the all-time career high scorer
at Canyon Country high.
Go brittle bushes!
It's a desert flower. It's very rugged
and drought resistant.
Hey, Rosales!
Dina Simac.
I'm sure you were expecting
me sooner or later.
Do I have a package?
Funny.
Listen, chicky, I'm the
legend you've been chasing.
Sorry, ma'am, did you play basketball?
Did I play?
I owned this school, Rosales.
Why is your name on my cup?
'Cause I'm better than you?
Oh, ho-ho! You feel that?
Do you feel that? That is how on it is.
It is on, everyone!
What do you say we settle who's better
with a little one-on-one, huh?
Not today 'cause I haven't
delivered my premium packages,
but later in the week at a
time of our mutual choosing.
Are you down?
Not really.
Yeah? 40 bucks says I'll win.
I don't think so.
What if I paid you 40 bucks to play?
- 50.
- Done.
What's going on?
Oh, it's all right. We're cool.
Hey!
Jennifer Doyle.
It's so lovely to see you
again after all these years.
Well, it is lovely to see
you too, Mr. Whitehorn.
I just want you to know
that I am not one of those mothers
whose child gets in trouble
and then blames the school.
Well, why would you?
Well, I wouldn't.
[Both chuckle]
That's how I'm different.
Well, let me just show you
how your daughter is different.
- Holy...
- Surprised?
Uh... Gretchen said she didn't do it.
We have witnesses.
I don't know if you know this or not...
I don't know why you would...
But I have recently
become a hands-on parent.
Uh-huh.
This isn't who Gretchen is.
And I realize that she
needs to take responsibility
and she should be punished. I get that.
But I was thinking that you
and I could maybe work together,
lift the suspension,
give her a second chance,
and, you know, show her that
we are really working as a team.
Oh, we're a team now?
That's funny, Doyle.
'Cause 17 years ago we
were on different teams.
See, my team was about following the rules.
Your team was about making
my life a living hell.
I supposed Dina and I could be pranksters.
Pranksters?
You filled my desk with
fish over Christmas vacation.
Oh, my God, I forgot about that.
I didn't.
I never got the smell out of here.
I don't really smell anything.
Liar!
I smell it every day!
You know, Doyle,
the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Okay, that is not fair.
You're judging Gretchen
because you've always had it out for me.
No, I'm judging her because
she is just like you,
a screw-up.
A screw-up?
Screw you,
you pompous son of a bitch ass...
[School bell ringing]
You can't keep us here.
You're not even a real cop.
What, did your mom sew that badge on?
There you are. Oh, no.
You too, Dina?
Mom, what are you doing here?
Could you tell Bill Maggie Doyle is here?
Mom, Mr. Whitehorn has always hated me.
I didn't do anything.
I'll talk to you in a minute, missy.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Doyle.
It was Jennifer's idea.
- Maggie.
- Bill.
You look fantastic.
You know, you made a deal with the devil.
On the contrary, it's clean living.
[Both laughing]
What are we going to do about Gretchen?
Well, since it's you, mags,
I'll waive the suspension just this once.
- Oh, thank you, bill.
- [Clears throat]
I have to get to the bottom
of this thing with Gretchen.
I've pretty much run out of places to turn.
I was hoping to avoid this,
but I have no other choice.
I have to turn to the one person
in the world who knows her best.
You have to help me, Lupe.
You're my only hope.
I expected you sooner. [Laughs]
[Grunts]
Ah!
Oh.
I just thought if I
spent more time with her,
and, you know, opened up
the lines of communication,
and asked her how she was really feeling...
_
Si.
What did she say?
Oh, uh, she said you
look like a movie star.
Oh, that is so sweet, thank you.
Look, Gretchen? Not your friend.
You're her mother. You
don't ask her anything,
you tell her.
You gotta roll up your
sleeves and do the work.
Good, good, that is good.
No, here. Do the work.
Alma and I gotta be out of here by 5:00.
Hey, babe. I made you a smoothie.
Aw, thanks, sweetie.
[Sipping]
Mm, that's a texture I didn't see coming.
You're probably reacting
to the raw oysters.
I hate oysters.
But your eggs love them.
They're packed with zinc,
which is crucial to healthy eggs.
Wayne, that's so sweet.
It'll happen when it happens.
That's not what Julio and
little Julio in the kitchen say.
They recommend a Kokopelli fertility doll.
A fertility doll? Are you serious?
Why don't we just sacrifice a chicken?
I don't know, do we really want twins?
It's just so hard to set boundaries.
Boundaries... [Speaks spanish]
How did you people get all our land?
Are you spying on her?
What? God, of course not.
I totally respect her privacy,
I would never spy on her.
I mean, I sometimes find things
when I'm going through the laundry, but...
Wait, you're doing the laundry?
- Are all your clothes pink now?
- [Laughter]
No!
You gotta snoop. Every good mother snoops.
It's how you find out what
your children are up to.
But what is she up to?
- A boy.
- A boy?
_
_
What... what did she say?
She said, "yeah, of course it's a boy.
What are you, stupid?"
Follow Gretchen. You'll find the boy.
Now, make me a smoothie.
Yes, we want to watch you use a blender.
[Laughter]
What?
- [Imitating blender]
- [Laughter]
I know how to use a blender.
[Grunts]
Denied!
I'm ready.
Again, I'm very sorry.
Still not looking. Good luck on Friday!
Okay, Gretchen, party's over.
Mom? What are you doing?
Are you spying on me?
Hey, I am the mother here,
and I will ask the questions.
'Cause your question is awkward.
So... hey.
Keep going.
I hate you, Lupe.
You went to Lupe?
- I was desperate.
- I see.
Naturally, you turn to
someone you trust and admire.
Maybe Lupe has a spare
bedroom in her house.
Hey, Grandma, Detective Doyle.
This is Taylor, I believe you've met.
- Gretchen, listen...
- What did you think we were
doing in there?
Gretchen, hold it a second.
Was your mother inappropriate? Yes.
Was she out of bounds? Absolutely.
But...
That's all I wanted to say.
I didn't do any of the
things you thought I did, Mom.
First of all, I would never
take money out of your wallet.
Oh, that was me. I needed cash,
and with all that tip money in
your purse, it's like an ATM.
I owe you 70 bucks and some kleenex.
Oh.
You know what, Mom?
I don't know who messed
up that car at school,
but I didn't go near it.
Oh. That was my old girlfriend,
Carrie Beckford.
The one who pushed me?
Hey, I was going to tell Whitehorn,
but then your grandmother
got you off suspension.
I did do that, didn't I?
Carrie got super jealous
when she knew we were hanging out together.
She effed up that car
and then got her friends
to say they saw you do it.
See, what did I tell you?
Your daughter's fine.
[Laughs]
I mean, this is really funny, right?
Gretchen. Gretchen!
So, did you pee on the stick?
Julio is dying to know.
Little Julio's playing it
cool, but nobody's buying it.
Honey, this is no one's business but ours.
I know, I'm just feeling
really good about it.
You know, I got to tell you.
After that last session we had,
if there was an egg within
five feet of you, I nailed it!
Now Gretchen's not
going to trust me anymore
and she's going to start to really act out.
And then Mom's going to
say it's all my fault.
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm training for my
shootout with Rosales.
I'm not even sitting on a stool
right now, my butt is hovering.
- I'm using my thighs.
- Wow.
I stopped by the school today
to give her one of those,
"I'm looking at you," deals.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm in her head,
making myself at home.
You know what she's
thinking about right now?
- Hmm?
- Dina.
Or she's thinking that
you're some crazy lady
who's totally obsessed with her.
- Either way, I'm in her head.
- Mm, yeah.
[Knocking on door]
Am I a dad? I got to know.
Also I got to go to the bathroom.
Sorry, honey.
Oh, baby.
You have nothing to apologize for.
We'll get there.
I hear great things about
the ice water tea bag.
- Love you.
- I love you, too.
Now, move it!
Hey. I got you some treats.
Got you some licorice and some Kimye dirt.
Mom!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
- What are you doing in here?
- What are you doing in here?
Don't you know how to knock?
Don't you know how to not do this
in your grandmother's house in my old bed.
Ugh!
See you in chem, Gretchen. Bye, Ms. Doyle.
Ugh, get out.
Don't yell.
You were conceived in this bed.
Ew, just yell.
In this house, in this bed,
my entire life changed
forever.
And everything went wrong here.
And also the best thing that
ever happened in my life
started here.
You.
You know, it wasn't easy.
I mean, I had to work my ass off to prove
that I could raise a daughter.
And I vowed that she would
get the best of everything.
It was really, really hard and scary.
And turning back was not an option.
It's just...
It's just something I
would never wish for you.
And now I am scared to death that you are
going to turn out to be just like me at 16.
So, please,
don't be me.
Mom, I never want to be you.
Oh, thank God.
Kind of crushing me.
I know, sweetie. I'm
still really mad at you.
And you're grounded for a
month, no boys allowed.
Which was the rule in the first place,
but we'll figure this out.
[Sighs]
Aw! Thank you!
Yeah! Dina Simac.
Oh, yeah, never forget! Whoa... oh!
Nice job, Rosales. Respect.
All right, you won.
I guess I'll just have to console myself
with my 50 bucks...
My scholarship to Stanford,
my trophy,
oh, and my future.
Wow, damn.
You were right about her, Mom.
I had nothing to worry about.
Oh, it was easy for me to say now,
but I worried about you all the time
when you were that age.
All the time.
Then you went out and got knocked up.
There's nothing you can do.
That is so wise.
And so not reassuring at all. I know.
Sorry I'm late, but look who won.
- Wow.
- Right?
Did they give you that trophy?
Oh, what do you think,
I broke into the trophy case and took it?
- I mean...
- Hey.
- Okay.
- Don't.
Are you guys ready?
- Yes.
- Ooh.
Oh, my. Oh, my.
- [All gasping]
- Oh, my God, honey.
It's amazing.
Three generations of Doyle women.
I'm so proud.
Not quite ready for the next one, but...
Very proud.
Oh, it's beautiful, Gretchen.
Just beautiful.
I wish you weren't wearing that shirt.