Jennifer Falls (2014): Season 1, Episode 2 - Health Club - full transcript

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

[Shouting] Stop, stop, stop, stop,

stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

Stop! Hey! Stop!

Please, don't take my car.

I know I missed a few payments.

You missed six, lady.

Okay, I was ballparking.

Look, please don't do this to me.

I lost my job as an investment banker.

I have been blackballed from the industry.



I'm practically broke
and living with my mom.

This car is the only good
thing I have left in the world.

Aside from my daughter, of course.

Tell you what, you chase me
for another block in that bra,

and... I'll let you get
the crap out of the console.

What?

Deal.

Hey, Mom.

I'm sorry.

It's just so disheartening
to see my little M.B.A.

Working in a seedy dive bar.

Mom, I own this seedy dive bar.

Oh, stop it, Wayne.

I'm proud of you, too.



You've totally exceeded my expectations.

- Thanks, Mom.
- Hey, Maggie.

You here for bottomless boilermaker night?

[Chuckles] Tempting, but
there's something I need

to talk to Wayne about.

Just a little something
between mother and son.

It's time you and Stephanie had a baby.

What?

I had a health scare last week.

Everything's fine, but I didn't want to die

without meeting my son's child.

Oh, Mom.

Well, Stephanie and I have talked about it,

but we both feel we're
not really ready yet.

I respect that. I do.

But you really are. Look at your hairline.

Ticktock, sweetie.

You're not still wearing
that tight underwear, are you?

Too much body heat kills
your little swimmers.

Mom, this is really none of your business.

I just want to be an involved grandparent.

Not in the conception.

Apparently, this is something
very personal to you.

I'll stay out of it.

- Hi.
- Hey.

You want to go bowling Thursday night?

Wow. I haven't been bowling
with you since grad night.

But what the hell? Why not?

All right. And I have a coupon.

Free shoe rental.

Well, look at you, Connie Coupon.

What, what?

Oh, wow. It's my
membership card to Paradisa.

I thought I tossed this.

That obnoxious health club?

[Scoffs] I hate delivering there.

I asked 'em if I could
use their bathroom once.

They told me they didn't have one.

That whole place is a bathroom.

[Laughs] I know. I mean, I hate it too.

I mean, obviously I only joined it because

my old job wanted me to,
you know, to "network."

- You hate it?
- Yeah.

- Really?
- Are you kidding?

I mean, look, they pump
the place full of eucalyptus

mist, because God forbid
anybody breathe just plain air

while they're in there.

You know, I have almost a
year left on this membership.

I wonder if I could get
some of that money back.

Is it really worth the hassle?

How much is an annual membership?

I mean, it's like almost 6.

Hundred? That's insane.

Thousand.

What?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Um, I need to cancel my membership.

- No problem.
- Great.

Uh, so how do you want
to handle the refund?

Check or cash? Cash works.

Oh, we don't do that.

But see the thing is
is I've only been here,

like, once or twice in the last two years,

which means I paid, like,
$3,000 a visit, you know?

That does seem a little pricey.

I know, right?

So, look, why don't we just say $2,000?

That's a nice, even number,
and everybody's happy.

[Laughs]

Sorry, we don't negotiate.

But you can help yourself
to some fresh berries.

We have kiwi medley today.

You would've been proud of me, Danny.

She tried to push me into something,

and I backed her down.

I beat my mom.

I've never felt like more of a man.

Yeah, that's a real
growth moment there, Wayne.

The truth is, Stephanie
never would've agreed

to having a kid right now.

She's got a five-year plan for our future

that's scheduled to the minute.

Wayne, your mother and I have been talking,

and we've come to a decision.

We're going to make a baby.

[Cheering]

Awesome.

- [Gasps]
- Oh, my God. Jennifer.

Francine, Carrie.

I can't believe this.

You know, we all miss
you so much at the office.

How have you been, since
you... lost your job?

Someone said that you
were living with your mom.

What?

And working at a bar?

That's crazy.

- Ugh.
- [Laughs]

God, where do these
rumors even get started?

Um, the truth is my life is fantastic.

It's never been better.

Oh, that is so good to hear.

I just... I couldn't bear
the thought of Jennifer Doyle

living in the middle of
nowhere, slogging beers.

Yeah. If it ever comes to that, kill me.

- Deal.
- [Laughter]

So things are good?

Oh, fabulous.

I mean, I've just been
enjoying life, you know?

- Oh.
- Painting

and yoga, long walks.

You know, just overall mindfulness.

- Mindfulness, yeah.
- Yeah.

I'm so doing that next summer.

- Mm.
- [Laughs]

- Or Italy.
- [Laughs]

Well, we got to get dinner and catch up.

How 'bout Luna's?

Oh, God, I love Luna's.

Next Thursday?

Um, perfect. That'll be great.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Do you want to go to dinner
Thursday before we go bowling?

We could go to Pepe's.

Ah, Pepe's. The edible sombrero.

The killer mango-rita.

[Laughs] Hell yeah.

Ooh, wait, Thursday?

What, did you forget?

No. God, are you kidding?
Don't be ridiculous.

It was my idea. I just
thought that, you know,

we'd eat dinner after.

And I'm gonna be a little
bit late for bowling

because my old neighbor isn't feeling well.

So I told her that I would, you know,

stop in and check up on her.

- Mrs. Chambers?
- On the other side.

- Mrs. Robinson?
- Two doors down.

Is she the one that has...

She's new to... To the neighborhood.

Look, I'm excited to have kids whenever,

but I thought you wanted to wait.

I did, but then your
mother started talking about

how we're not a complete family yet.

And then she told me that your
sperm's getting really old.

And I don't want to have a baby

that's made out of old sperm.

Okay, if... if you're
up for it, I'm up for it.

Let's just keep my mom out of this.

I don't mean to be intrusive.

I just stopped by to drop off
a little gift for you guys.

Boxer shorts for Wayne,

and an ovulation kit for Stephanie.

This is going to be fun.

So for the ride home, do
you have anything around

9:15, 9:30-ish?

Okay, I got this.

If I order smart, I'll be fine.

You know what? Everything looks so good.

Let's just get a bunch of plates and share.

Yes. Seafood tower, extra lobster tails.

- Mm-hmm.
- And the sustainable caviar.

And we have to have champagne.

[Laughs] Absolutely.

Yeah. [Clears throat] Let's drink.

Let's drink a lot. Let's get drunk.

[Laughter]

So do you miss being in the game?

Sometimes.

Um, but, you know, not the money so much.

It... it's more the art of the deal.

Ooh, yeah.

But the money's pretty
good. Am I right, ladies?

Uh, holla!

[Laughter]

- More champagne.
- Whoo.

All: [Cheering]

[Football game playing]

- It's go time.
- But the bar is packed.

Honey, the stick says now.

Do you want to argue with the stick?

No, I...

[Panting] Whoo!

All: [Chanting] Go! Go! Go! Go!

We're gonna make a baby.

All: Go! Go! Go! Go! Aww...

I wish my mom hadn't used
those exact same words.

Now she's in my head.

Okay, well, I give you
permission to think about

whatever you want right
now to get back in the mood.

And I don't have to tell you what it is?

Just this once.

All: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go...

- What's wrong?
- Now she's in my head.

All: Aww.
- Come on.

Here comes the check.

You know what? Tonight, dinner is on me.

- What?
- After all, I can't think

of a better way to spend my birthday.

- It's your birthday?
- Yeah.

Oh, well, then put your card away.

You can't pay on your birthday.

[Laughter]

[Phone vibrating]

- _
- [Whispers] Dina.

Well, you know what?

Tonight has been absolutely
wonderful, you guys.

I mean, really amazing.

I can't thank you enough.

Uh, and I will see you
at spin class on Tuesday.

- Happy Birthday!
- Ahh, Happy Birthday!

[Laughs] Whoohoo!

Yes. Yay!

Hey, we need more champagne
for the birthday girl.

- Whoo-hoo!
- Let's all sing to Jennifer.

Hey! Hey! Hold on! Wait!

Hey! Hey!

Stop!

Dina.

Dina, wait. Where are you going?

Let's bowl. Let's bowl?

I have been bowling for two hours.

Well, an hour of that I
was unofficially chaperoning

this little girl's birthday party.

All of her friends seemed to make it.

Well, except for Tommy, who
claimed to have a stomach bug.

Whatever. We had fun without him.

Dina, I'm sorry.

No, it's cool.

I got ice cream cake and a goodie bag,

so... I'm all good.

[Sighs] Look, the truth
is, I ran into some friends

from my old job, Carrie and Francine.

And they took me out to
this really nice dinner,

and they made me eat
caviar and drink champagne,

and... and then there
was the birthday cake.

I mean, it was a nightmare.

Mm. You poor thing.

Dina, I'm really sorry. I screwed up.

Just please let me make it up to you.

Why does that sound so familiar?

Oh, yeah. Because you keep saying it.

All right, I won't say it with words.

I will say it with tickets.

Black Keys, L.A. Bowl,

Friday night.

Black Keys?

I love the Black Keys.

Hmm.

If you burn me this time, Doyle...

The only way you're gonna get
burned, lady, is if you stand

too close to my lighter during the encore.

Your lighter? When was the
last time you went to a concert?

It's been a while.

Remember when we got kicked out of here

'cause I got so rowdy in the mosh pit?

Yeah, there was never a mosh pit...

The sound of music sing-along.

Hey, I saw nuns and Nazi
uniforms, and I lost it.

[Laughs] And then you started singing

"how do you solve a
problem like gonorrhea?"

- [Laughs]
- I mean, really?

Are we really in the very top row?

Yep. Section "Z," row 99, lady.

Oh. We're gonna need to hydrate.

Maybe I should get us another box of wine.

- Yeah, I'm down.
- All right.

I'll be right back. All right.

- Jennifer, what?
- Wow, hi.

This is twice in one
week. Are you stalking us?

What? No. Are you kidding?

If I were stalking you,
you'd be dead by now.

[Laughter]

Hey, you want to come sit with us?

We have an extra seat.

You know what? I... that sounds great,

but I'm... I'm actually here with a friend.

- Oh.
- It's a big investor.

And do they invest in boxed wine?

What? [Both chuckling]

Oh, God, no. Are you kidding?

I was just buying this for this kid.

Here you go, tiger. Knock yourself out.

- Sweet.
- Drink responsibly.

[Laughing] So where are you sitting?

Are you in a box?

I mean, do you think I'm
sitting in section "Z"?

Oh, no. Okay, listen, we're in box 002.

- Yeah.
- Come by for a drink.

We're with Dale from berkshire hathaway.

And apparently, Warren is considering

opening an L.A. office.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- Get it, girl.
- Okay, yeah.

I'll come by for one drink.

Is that me? I was so adorable.

How come nobody talks about that more?

[Laughs] You were.

Oh, here's one of me putting
on your easter outfit.

And here I am taking you to the park.

Wow. I am really screaming there.

You had horrible colic.
It runs in the family.

Your mom had it, your uncle.

- You do you treat it?
- You don't.

You just try to live through
it, day after day after day.

Uh... then you hit your terrible 2s.

I remember tantrums. [Laughs]

Screaming and pounding
my feet on the floor.

Didn't I once throw a bowl of yams at you?

I still have the bump.

I'd forgotten how bad it could be.

It's like raising a monkey who hates you.

Get off the stage!

Black Keys!

Oh, like you weren't thinkin' it.

You know what? Maybe we should wait

until they get on the stage
before we get kicked out.

I got to pace myself. You're right.

- Yeah, you bet.
- Okay.

[Phone vibrating]

_

You know what? We need nachos.

- Good call.
- Right?

- I'll go get some.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Let me go get 'em. Are you sure?

Yeah, relax. I'll be right back.

I'll be quick. Okay.

- Be good.
- All right.

Okay.

Ticket?

Oh, hey, Russel.

Uh, I am in box 002.

Yeah, we don't have verbal tickets here.

This isn't the future.

[Sighs]

Really? Come on.

- Jennifer.
- Hi.

Wow. These are amazing seats. [Laughs]

Like the ones I also have over there.

You must be the famous Jennifer Doyle.

- Dale?
- Yes.

- Hi.
- I'm surprised you didn't

come in on a golden chariot or something,

the way these girls talk about you.

Oh, well, I couldn't get it past the Usher.

[Laughter]

Here, join us.

- Oh, thank you.
- Sure.

So I noticed that you guys stopped buying

- social media stock.
- Mmhmm.

I get it. Wouldn't be my move, but...

Really? What would be your move?

- [Phone vibrating] Nachos.
- _

- Nachos?
- You know what?

I will explain everything when I get back.

Hold tight.

Where are the nachos?

And why do you have a champagne flute?

Um, you know what? They
were giving these out

with the nachos. And then
they ran out of nachos.

So you know what? Enjoy.

Um, and I will be right back

with nachos.

[Knock at door]

Mom, we have to talk.

- We've been thinking.
- So have I.

Do you really think this is the right time

for us to be having this baby?

What?

Well, I think we may have jumped into this

without thinking it through.

Babies are so much work.

Do I really want to be
saddled down right now,

when there's so much I haven't done yet?

Uh... hang gliding,
tantric yoga, Machu Picchu.

- But...
- You're being a little unfair

to ask me to make that
kind of sacrifice right now.

We're being unfair?

I'm sorry.

But I don't think it's the right time

for me to be having this baby.

[Timer dings]

Dinner's ready.

What are you thinking about right now?

I'm not thinking about your mother.

Mom, rain check.

I can have us home in eight minutes.

Forget about it. Just
park behind the Walmart.

It's pretty dark back there.

- Ticket.
- Seriously, Russel?

You saw me go in, you saw me come out.

We had a whole conversation.

Oh, yeah. I remember.

Ticket.

[Laughs] Jennifer.

Oh, God. We couldn't help it.

You said nachos, and we had to get nachos.

Hey, what's going on?

Dina!

Are you coming back to sit with us?

"Back"? Is that why you keep disappearing?

To go sit with your fancy friends?

Huh? No. No, no, no, no, no.

What are you talking about?

We just ran into each
other and started talking,

like people do, and
hello, here's your nachos.

What the hell is going on, Jennifer?

Is this your investor friend?

- What?
- Oh, hi.

I'm Carrie. This is Francine.

Oh, yeah, I remember you guys.

You're Jennifer's friends from
the last time she stood me up.

Okay, look. I can explain all of this.

Um... I'm just trying to

think of a way that makes me sound good.

Oh, my God. Just save it, okay?

You're always gonna want
to go back to your old life,

because that is who you are.

Just do me a favor and be honest about it

and stop wasting my time, okay?

Why is your investor
talking to you like this?

B-because...

Because she's not my investor.

Look, you guys, I'm... I'm
not the same Jennifer Doyle

you used to know.

I-I don't have a golden chariot.

Hell, I don't even have a car anymore.

And I am living with my mother.

I am working at my brother's sports bar.

And I don't have box seats tonight.

Knew it.

You know what? I am... I am sitting

in the very top row.

Worst seats in the house.

I'm drinkin' boxed wine
with my best friend, Dina.

And that is exactly where
I want to be right now.

Let's go, Dina.

Dina? Dina?

I don't want to hear it, Doyle.

Well, you're gonna hear it anyway.

[Panting] I am sorry.

I've been totally unfair to you.

I just... I got pulled
in by the chance to get

back in the game and all the fancy seats

and the perks and the
superficial stuff that you hate.

Are you kidding? I love superficial.

You think I want to sit
up here with these losers?

- Hey.
- You're a loser.

[Laughs]

I just hate it when you leave me behind.

Even worse when you lie to me about it.

Okay. Okay, look, I promise,

the next time I blow you off,
I will tell you the truth.

Or some version of it.

That's all I'm asking for.

I have very low expectations of you.

[Laughs]

[Laughter]

You remind me so much of our
estate manager in Ireland.

Big, stubby fingers, terrible rosacea,

but a dear of a woman.

You don't get there as often as you like,

but when you do, you want a fire going.

So true.

And somebody's got to feed the falcon.

- I mean...
- But, listen to me prattle on.

You were telling us about
your charming timeshare

in Palm Springs.