Jane the Virgin (2014–…): Season 5, Episode 3 - Chapter Eighty-Four - full transcript

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Welcome back, friends.

You'll recall Jane was madly
in love with Rafael.

But then Jane's husband Michael
came back from the dead.

Actually, I go by Jason now,
ma'am.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
That's right.

Michael, I mean Jason,
has amnesia.

And Jane wanted to help him
get his memories back.

Unfortunately,
it wasn't working.

And then this happened,
so Jane made a big decision.

I'm getting a divorce.

But Jason had other ideas.



Old Bo over there got ahold of
the divorce papers.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I know. Straight out of
a telenovela, right?

And speaking of telenovelas,
Rogelio and River Fields

finally put their
differences aside

to star in the American remake
of The Passions of Santos.

But then River dropped a bomb
on Xo.

I know. Looks scary, right?

So let's find out
what's going on.

Ah, friends,
as I've made clear,

Jane Gloriana Villanueva
was raised on a steady diet

of telenovelas...

Catholicism...

and the sun shining only
on her.

And all of these moments
imprinted



to make her who she is today.

You'll take Mateo to karate.

Don't forget his water bottle

or the shoes he took from Ethan.

I'll meet Jason at Abuela's
and get the divorce papers.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
That is... super bossy.

(sighs) I'm just praying
that Jason shows up

with papers that aren't
dog-bitten.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Super faithful.

That makes two of us.

I love you.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And super romantic.

RAFAEL: Hey.
Ready for karate, bud?

Mwah. Mwah.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Well, most of the time.

Sorry, I-I don't know
what that was.

Go. Get your divorce.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which, for the record,

she was trying to do.

Hi there. It's
a beautiful day

and I was hoping you
might join me on a picnic.

W-What are you doing?

I'm coming a courtin'.

See, I got to thinking about
this whole divorce thing,

and, uh... (clicks tongue) I'm
not so sure about it anymore.

I want to take you on a date.

Make sure the spark...

(bell chimes)
...is really dead.

♪ ♪

(bell dings)

No. There is no spark.

So you're saying you
didn't feel anything

at all when we danced?

What? No! You need to go.

Really?
Yes. Really.

Y-- M-M-Mateo is in his room

and he doesn't know you're alive
so you need to leave now.

I am going to tell him
when I see him later.

And then I want us to go
on a date; we need it.

He actually kissed me
on my head this morning.

Ay.
XIOMARA:
I need your help.

Mom, you didn't have
to come down.

We could've brought
lunch up to you.

No, no, no.
With this.

River gave it to me.

Rogelio's on his
way home from work

and I have to
tell him about it.

Tell him about what?

No!

No!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
If somebody doesn't tell me
what this thing is...

River is getting paid
twice as much as Dad?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
No!

How am I gonna tell him?

We're here for you, Mom.

If worse comes to worst,
we'll all just sit

on him till he calms down.
(door opens)

ROGELIO:
Hello,

beautiful ladies of my life.

You're in a good mood.

It was another fantastic day

♪ To be Rogelio. ♪

(laughing) River and I are
officially a dream team.

Hashtag...

Oh, wow.

I love it. We approach acting
the same way.

We plank together for two
minutes before each scene

to make sure our abs are tight.

Okay, let's eat.
Mom.

Tell him.

I have cancer;
can you do it?

This is the last time
you use that excuse.

Dad, River is making twice what
you're making on the show.

But River thought you'd
take it better coming from me.

Remember, Dad,
you're a great team.

She's a wonderful scene partner.

#Rivelio.

Calm down, Rogelio.

Things are going
great on set.

Don't overreact.

Oh, I wouldn't dream
of overreacting.

Acting is reacting, after all.

And since
I'm a professional actor,

I will react in a perfectly
professional way.

Believe me. You may not remember
that you were the president,

but I do.

Even if you have no memory
of why you wanted to save

this great country of ours,
I remember.
(blowing raspberry)

What the hell
are you doing?

Oh, I'm acting
with my scene partner,

my costar, my teammate.

Well, could you stop it?
It's weird and distracting.

Oh, okay. Is it twice as
distracting as this?

(makes farting sounds)

Because if something on
our set was twice as much

as something else on our set,
I'm sure you'd tell me, right?

So, Xo told you.

That you're a
backstabbing back stabber

who stabs people in
the back? Yes, she did.

Calm down.
This is beneath you.

Oh, it's beneath me, huh?

You know what
else is beneath me?

Or rather, if I may be more
accurate, beneath you?

My pitiful pittance
of a paycheck.

(laughs) Why don't we
all just take five?

Oh, which means I only
get two and a half, right?

(blowing raspberry)

You are really acting
like a child!

(squealing)

(laughs) Hey.

How did the open house go?

A lot of lookie-loos,
but no offers yet.

Oh, maybe they were
there to look at you.

So did you get
the divorce papers?

No, but I did get
a picnic basket

and roses and
asked out on a date.

What?
Jason says he wants to

"make sure the spark
is really dead."

(exhales) You know, I'm
beginning to not like that guy.

I said no, obviously,
and the next time I see him

I have a whole calm,
cool, collected speech

I'm gonna give to him
about boundaries.

What was he thinking?
I don't know.

But what I did realize was

what I really want to do
is go on a date with you.

Yeah?
Yeah.

I'm liking the sound
of that.
(giggles)

(Mateo screaming)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And I'm not liking
the sound of that.

Mommy! Michael came back
from the dead!

Just take a nice
deep breath, okay?

I don't understand. How do dead
people come back to life?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Good luck explaining this one.

You see, Mateo, Michael wasn't
actually dead, he just...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Got taken by a sociopath.

...had an accident.

And he lost his memory.

How?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
She fried his brain.

He fell and he
bumped his head.
Mm-hmm.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ooh, they're good.

And now he has amnesia and
he can't remember who he is.

Like in Papa's telenovela?
Crazily enough,

exactly like that.

Michael even forgot his name,
so he's called Jason now.

Will you ever lose your memory
and forget about me?

Oh.
RAFAEL:
No.

This is a crazy
rare kind of accident

that almost
never happens.

Are you married
to Michael again?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Geez, kid.

Talk about salt in the wound.

Legally, but not really.

What about me and Daddy?

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh, nothing is changing.

Shh, it's okay.

I'm gonna call Petra,

cancel our dinner
for tonight.

ROGELIO:
Dinner for two.

XIOMARA:
Can't eat.

I'm already nauseous.

How was your day?

Oh, fine, fine.

Great.
(clears throat)

Come on...
tell me the truth.

How did it go with River?

I don't know how I'm going
to work with that woman

for the next seven
to ten years.

Look, I know this is hard,
and while I agree

that you should be getting
the same pay as River,

you have to admit
it's pretty cool

that a woman is winning in
the fight for gender parity.

Fight for what now?

It's the idea that men and
women should be paid the same

for doing the same job.

It's a big issue
in Hollywood right now.

A-And most people are pro?

Just checking.

A lot of celebrities are
standing up for each other

and demanding equal
pay for women.

William H. Macy stood
up for Emmy Rossum.

Bradley Cooper supported
Jennifer Lawrence.

When did you become
such a name-dropper?

It's quite a turn-on.

(laughs)

Well, you know,
chemo gives me

lots of downtime
to read these.

Well, I thank you
for alerting me

to this appalling issue.

Clearly, I need to read more

about this important initiative.

Put the books away, girls;
it's time for brunch.

Oh.
(phone buzzes)

(sighs)

What's up?

Nothing. Jason stuff.
(clears throat)

ANNA and ELLIE:
Mateo!

He just poured salt
on our pancakes.

Mateo, that kind
of behavior is unacceptable.

Can you just give
him a break today?

You know, he's got a lot going
on with Jason and everything.

That's not
why I did it.

I did it because they
left me out yesterday.

ELLIE: We only left him out
because he was hitting Anna.

See? Like that.

Do not touch my body!

Good girl, Anna.
Mateo, you stop that.

Hey!

What? Taught them how
to protect themselves.

Instead of coddling them.

You know what? Why don't you
discipline your kids

and I'll discipline mine?

Works for me.
Good luck with that.

So, basically, be glad
you had an open house

and missed brunch.
Any offers?

No. Which means we should
go cheap for our date.
No problem.

I'm gonna grab a few more shifts
at the Marbella, too.

No. The whole point

of this real estate job
was so you could write.

(phone buzzes)

(sighs) I can't write.

Not with all this Jason stuff.

Did he text you again?

What is wrong with that guy?

I don't know.
Tell him that it's done.

Okay? Tell him that you're
not helping him anymore.

Yeah. You're right.

RIVER:
That is not happening.

I am not fighting for
gender parity for you.

That's ridiculous.

But it's what all the A-listers
are doing these days.

Gender parity is
for women, Rogelio.

Because women should
be paid the same.

Just like I should get paid
the same.

This is not about you.

You're right, this is
so much bigger than me.

It's a fight for fairness
and equality.
No.

(sighs)

This is about the fact

that I am the bigger
name in the U.S.

I am why they
green-lit the pilot.

I have worked my ass
off to get where I am,

and I'm proud that
I'm the rare actress

in this incredibly
sexist industry

who's actually getting
paid what I deserve.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Sorry, Rogelio. I'm with her.

Then I will have
to stand up for myself.

So watch out.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And speaking of an epic feud...

They called
you, too?

Mm-hmm.
(sighs)

I hate you guys!
We're girls, and
we're not fond of you, either.

I'm sorry,
Ms. Solano,

but we don't have
enough staff to handle

these three
causing chaos all day.

They've done a lot of damage.

(girls groaning)
Oh, please.
How much damage

can three small children
possibly...?

Wow. Okay.
No, you're excused.

Girls, this is
unacceptable.

It's all
Mateo's fault.

No, it's not!

They tied my shoelaces
together and ran away.

Only 'cause
he hit me!

(gasps)
Did not! I only
grabbed her dress.

You need to learn to use
your words, not your hands.

Apologize!

I'm gonna kill you!
(screaming)
No. Oh.

Hey. (groans)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Wow. I'm starting to wonder

if I even want kids.
(girls screaming)

It's just a big mess.
(phone buzzes)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
The Kids' Club? I'll say.

They just cannot
get along.
(phone buzzes)

Hey, what's with
all the texts?
(sighs)

River gave my number
out to the crew.

I'm now officially the "Rogelio
Whisperer," so I've been getting

a lot of feedback.

Find any good articles?

Yes. The "Three-Step"
talking technique.

I'm gonna e-mail Petra.

Oh, she's
online. Kismet.

(phone buzzes)

I... (sighs)

Temp! Get me an article on how
to make siblings get along!

And make sure it's from
a prominent pediatrician.

Geez. Petra has been
so snippy lately.

Hmm.

Temp! Up your game!
Something Jane can't debunk!

Ooh, I think I found the one.

"The family sits in a neutral
space and shares their feelings

without criticism or rejection
so everyone feels heard."

That's sounds great, hun.
(phone buzzing)

I got to call your dad,
talk him down.

Mm-hmm.
(groans)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Huh. Look at that.

This is my set, and I can behave
however I want to behave!

You can,
but what good is it doing

besides making
the whole crew miserable?

I'm not stupid, Xiomara.

I know everyone calls you
the "Rogelio Whisperer,"

but whisper to someone else,

because I don't need
to be handled.

I just need to express my anger!

Hey! I don't need
to stand on an apple box,

because I don't need to be the
same height as River in heels

since we don't have
to be equals,

because, apparently, equality
no longer matters in America!

Didn't you hear me?

Get rid of this useless thing!

(people groan)

(high-pitched):
Oh!

Medic!

JANE:
No kicking... and no punching.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Wait a second. Where are they?

Oh, I see. The tent must be
their neutral space.

Now, you can only talk if
you're holding the stick.

This way,

everyone can voice
their opinions.

You're not holding the
talking stick, Mommy.

Good point.

And that reminds me.
No one can interrupt anyone

when they're speaking
in the tent.

And... no grabbing.

(laughing):
Oh, I wasn't grabbing.

I was passing
it to Mateo.

Now, Mateo, tell us,

what do the girls do that
make you so very angry?

I don't like it
when they leave me out.

They're doing it now!

They're not
even listening!

You listen with your ears,
not your eyes, dummy.

Ellie, that's rude.
Don't call me dummy!

Oh. Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stop it, you dummy!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Aah! OMG! Take cover!

Everyone out! Go!

PETRA:
You heard her! Move!

Now everyone go stand
in a different corner

of the room! Go!
No fair!

See, I'm always
by myself!

(sighs) Anna, Ellie, I said
everyone in their own corner.

No, it's okay, girls.
You can stay together.

Petra, may I see you
on the balcony for a moment?

Smile. We don't want
to argue in front of the kids.

Mateo has a point.

It's always two against one.

Maybe Mateo needs to
get a thicker skin.

Why are you being so harsh? Huh?

He's a kid,
and he's feeling left out.

Yeah, well, sometimes
people feel left out, Jane.

That's life. You don't think
I ever feel left out?

Forget it. My kids
are smart enough

to know we're
fighting out here.

Let's just drop it.

(sighs)

So, I know you saw Auntie
Petra and Mommy fighting.

You guys were fighting?

No. Yeah. No.

I-I thought maybe you thought
that, but I'm glad you didn't,

because you're right, we
weren't, so, good job. (laughs)

Aah! (clears throat)

So, I-I need you
to apologize to Pammy

for the mess you made at
the Kids' Club yesterday, okay?

Oh, you change your mind?

Ready to go on a date?

Not a date, but I will
have coffee with you

in exchange for the
signed divorce papers.
Ah.

A negotiator.

I like that.

Just like buying a steed.

It's not a negotia...
Coffee's not a date.

It's more of a hangover cure,

but maybe we can grab that

the next morning.
(bell chimes)

What's your counteroffer?
It depends.

What kind of rod do you like?

Fishing. Now that's a date.

Fishing actually sounds like
the opposite of a date to me.

Oh, couple hours on the water,
wind in our hair...

Now are you a worm
or a chum girl?

Neither, and I don't
want to go fishing.

Why? You scared that
if we spend more time together,

you'll catch more than fish?

You'll catch feelings for me?

I am not afraid
of that at all.
Then let's go.

It's easy. Go fishing, and get
the signed divorce papers.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Guess he's using
the divorce papers as bait.

Fine. Deal.

If you still want them
after our date.

ROGELIO:
What do you mean, "if"?

If we finish the pilot?

We have to finish the pilot!
Look, River was

just released
from the hospital.

Half her face is paralyzed,
and we won't know

how much permanent damage
you did

until she gets
some feeling back.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
For those of you keeping score,

this is the third time
that Rogelio de la Vega

has sent River Fields
to the hospital.

(camera shutter clicks,
growling)

(camera shutter clicks,
whoosh)

(camera shutter clicks,
bell clangs)

If her recovery's too long,

we may just have
to cancel production.

RIVER:
There will be no delay

and no cancelling
of anything!

The show must go on!

I will act...

with half of my face.

You can just shoot
me exclusively on my

unparalyzed side.

Now, let's get to work!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Certain performances are etched

in dramatic history.

None more so than River Fields

acting with half her face

in The Passions
of Steve and Brenda.

You could get a full lobotomy,

have every organ
in your body removed,

every feature
on your face replaced,

but our souls would still
recognize each other.

I still love you,
Mr. President.

I will never,
ever not love you.

(bell chimes)

Cut!

Oh.

Oh!
(applause)

CREW (chanting):
River! River! River! River!

ROGELIO:
She was incredible.

She deserves every dollar
they're paying her.

Then why do you look upset?

I'm fine.

Tell me.
Why?

Did the crew ask
you to handle me?

No.

I'm asking as your wife.

It's just... yes,

River clearly deserves

to get paid what
she's getting,

but so do I.

This is my project.

I fought four years
to get it made.

It's my telenovela,
my culture,

my story I'm bringing
to the screen.

Yet somehow,
with all of that,

I'm only worth half
as much as her.

It's not right.

You're right. It's not.

I did some research,

and pay parity affects
people of color, too.

So this...

plus, with everything that's
going on in this country...

It's always been my dream
to be famous in America,

but I'm starting
to wonder.

Why am I so desperate
for validation

from a country that doesn't
seem to value or accept me?

(keys jingle)

(sighs)

I have planned
the perfect date for tonight.

Oh, I...
And it's cheap.

Don't worry.

I have the lockbox code

to a luxury estate

we're showing on the marina.

We can sit on the veranda.

Have a glass of wine.
There's a pool.

You can bring your swimsuit...

or not.

We should cancel.

What do you mean?

Y-You need to spend time

with Petra and the
girls, instead.

You've been so focused
on Mateo and Jason,

I think they're feeling
a little neglected.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Sounds
like Mateo isn't the only one

who needs coddling.
Yeah.

(sighs) I have been...
preoccupied.

You're right.

Rain check?

There's something else.

My offer of a
coffee date to Jason

sort of turned into fishing.

What?
I obviously don't want to go,

but it's one afternoon,
and after,

he'll sign the divorce papers,
and we'll all move on.

I'm gonna go to the hotel
and see the girls.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which brings us...

Uh-oh.

Now, Rafael, remember:
calm, cool and collected.

What the hell
do you think you're doing?

Deep breaths, deep breaths.

Dude, she's my wife.

She is not your wife.

Legally, she is.

She's with me.
I got that.

But I've been learning a
little bit about my history,

and the way I see it,
Jane was with me,

and you tried to
steal her away,

but she still chose me.

We got married,

then I died, and you
moved in on her.

So yeah, I'm taking
my wife out on a date.

It should be noted,
in this moment,

Rafael understood exactly
how Mateo and the twins felt.

(grunts)

(both blowing raspberries)

(both grunting)

Ow! Owie! Ow! Ow! Ow!

But, of course, Rafael
was an adult. So instead...

(elevator bell dings)

(sighs)

(sighs)
Isn't this a gorgeous day?

Sure is. Maybe we can
just sit here on the dock

and enjoy it from dry
land for 20 minutes,

then go home.
No way.

We're gonna go out on the water,
and we're gonna have some fun.

You know what?
I forgot to go over the rules.

Rule number one: you can't have

that look on your face.

Or that one.

Number two?

Not allowed to mention Michael.

And number three:

this date's not over

till you catch a fish.

Hmm.

Uh-oh. Looks like
someone's violating

rule number one.

What kind of stuff do you like
to do in your spare time?

I love to read.
For fun?

What else?

I like talking. A lot.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Nothing wrong with that.

As you know, I'm a huge talker.
Usually about my feelings.

Really like to get in there,
examine things from all sides.

That's okay.

Everyone's got their thing.

Mine's hunting.
Hate all guns.

Don't like being around them.

Okeydoke. Got it, no hunting.

Horseback riding?

Did it once. Not a fan.

But camping, right?

I watched those camping videos.

Looks like someone's
on a fishing expedition.

Actually, I used to hate
camping, but...

But what?

Permission to break
rule number two?

Michael made me go
a couple times,

and, you know,
I still don't exactly like it,

but I liked camping
with Michael.

Oh!
Oh!

Oh! Yeah!
You got something. Yeah,
reel it in, reel it in.

Wow, looks like a big one!

Oh. (laughing)

(laughs)

You were right. This
spot is better luck.

For me, at least.

I know why you don't
want me to teach you.

You want to stay out here
on the water with me

as long as possible.
Okay.

Fine, teach me how to fish.

Now, like I said,

you want to move it back and
forth just the slightest bit.

And if you feel a bite,
don't jerk.

Now, point the rod wherever
you want it to land,

then slowly bring it back and
make a short, sharp movement,

letting the rod tip do
all the work for you.

(Latin Lover Narrator
clears throat)

Um, who knew fishing
could sound so erotic?

I feel something.
Hmm?

On the line. I feel something!

No, don't stand.
(screaming)

Jane! Jane, stand up.

It's, like, four feet of water.

(gasps) I caught a fish.

(sighs) Now will you please
sign the divorce papers?

Yeah. Okay.

Looks like Jane
is finally off the hook.

You're late.

And you smell fishy.

Sorry. Didn't have
time to shower.

All right, kids.

Everyone over here.

Pictures of the three
of you getting along

so you can remember

your happy memories together.
You're making a photo album.

Aw, I don't want to.

Me, neither.
PETRA:
Glue the pictures

or no iPad for a year.

So, how was last night
with Rafael?

Fine.

Why are you staring at me?

I'm not.
Do you want a medal
because my children

got to spend time
with their own father?

Geez, what is your problem?

Why are you trying
to pick a fight with me?

If you're fighting,
you should get in the tent.

Yeah!
Get in the tent.

CHILDREN (chanting):
Get in the tent!
Get in the tent!

All right, well, we're in here.
So, what's really going on?

Currently? I'm trapped in a
tent with your fish stench.

Come on. I understand
that you felt neglected

because of
the whole Jason business,

but Rafael didn't mean
to leave you out.

He's not the one
leaving me out. You are.

What?

(scoffs) Never mind.
Oh, wait, wait.

Come...
Do not touch my body!

Fine. But this is
supposed to be a neutral space

for talking things out,
so share your feelings.

I'm just...

a little hurt.

Well, this huge thing
happened with Jason.

And you talked to Raf. You
talked to your grandmother.

Mateo, even. Everyone but me.

It's like I'm the last
person on your totem pole.

I'm sorry.
I just didn't think...

That's the point.
Come on.

You know I love you.
Yeah.

But do you like me?

Well, yeah. Mostly.

(laughs) I-I mean,

do you like me?

Sometimes.

"Sometimes"? I said "mostly."

They're synonymous.
No, they are not.

"Mostly" is definitely more
than "sometimes."

Here's how I feel.

I didn't grow up with a sister.

But I feel like I have one now.

Me, too.

Yeah.

Okay, so, do you really want
to hear about Jason?

'Cause, honestly, it would
be great to talk to somebody

that's not my boyfriend
or my grandmother.

Yes, definitely.

Preferably someplace bigger.

(laughs):
Mm-hmm.
(laughs)

Okay, go. Start
at the beginning.

Okay. The last three weeks,

um, my life has actually been
my dad's telenovela.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which brings us here, now.

Rogelio?

I had a change of heart.

I'm with you 100% in your
fight for pay equity.

I don't understand.

Well, Xiomara came
to talk to me.

Now I understand what
you're fighting for.

There are times when one
simply must take a stand.

And this is one of them.

Thank you, River.

You may only have half a face,
but you have double the heart

of anyone I have ever met.

Aw.

Wow. A total telenovela.
Right?

Okay, so, when he had
his arms around you,

did you feel anything?

You know, honestly...

...I was scared that I would.

That those feelings
for Michael would come back.

I mean, how could they not?

We were soul mates.

But they didn't.

I felt like I was
touching a stranger.

'Cause Jason is a stranger.

Are you saying
that there's no soul?

That-that-that God
has nothing to do with it?

That we're just
a collection of memories

and experiences?
Okay, look, this religious
stuff sounds like

something you can discuss
with your grandmother.

But...

practically speaking...

you didn't feel anything.

So let him go.

Oh, but don't I owe it to him
to keep helping him

with his memory?
No.

You owe it to yourself
to protect yourself...

and your family.

Look, do you
want my advice?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Well, after Rafael, Xo,

Alba, Rogelio, Mateo-- sure!

Tell Jason to leave.

He has a life
in Montana.

You have yours here.

What you have with Raf is good.

Don't risk it.

♪ ♪

'Cause once it's gone...

No change with J.R.?

She told me not to contact her,
so I haven't.

(sighs softly)
But I really want to,

because I miss her every day.

You can accidentally
butt-dial her.

You just, like,
let the phone ring

a few times
and hang up.

She texts you back,
you're in.

If she doesn't...

leave her alone.

Okay.

(sniffles)

I'm gonna do it.

(laughs, sniffles)
Oh, Petra,

you don't actually have
to use your butt. It's...

No, I was only joking.
(laughing):
Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, let's get
out of here.
Mm.

You know what you have to do?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which brings us here, now.

Do you want to come in?

No, thanks.

This is really
hard to say.

(takes deep breath)

You offered to
leave before,

because you were
disrupting my life.

I need to take you
up on that now.

O-Or don't leave.

I mean, you can
stay, of course.

It's your life.

But I have to get
back to mine,

and spending time
with you-- any time--

is threatening that.

And I can't do it anymore.

I am so sorry. I know
it sounds selfish,

but putting distance between us,
it feels like the only way

that I can get back
to a normal life...
Hey. I get it.

We're on the same page.

Which is why
I already bought

a bus ticket back to Montana.

Oh.
Yeah.

I'm sorry I pushed so hard.

It was just...

here was this great girl,

who was my wife, and...

I'm watching all these videos,
and we're so in love.

You know?

And for so long,

I've been out at sea...

by myself.

It felt like a way back
to something.

That makes sense.

But that something,
it isn't you.

I mean...

if I had to talk
that much every day...

I'd go insane.

(chuckles, sniffles)

I hear you.

And planning
that date

was so exhausting.

I mean, can you imagine us

trying to enjoy
a Sunday together?

I'm like, "Let's get a beer

and see where the day takes us,"
and you're like,

"Let's make
a minute-by-minute plan

(laughs):
and stick to it all day long."

Ha!
And talk about
bullheaded,

I mean, I-I've known
wild horses that are
easier to break.

All right, already, I get it.

We're really different.

We really are.

So, Jason's going
to come by

with the divorce papers
tomorrow,

and then he's going
back to Montana,

and we can go back
to our lives.

Good.

Agreed.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And they all lived

happily ever after.

Not so fast.

Where are you going?

Sleep in your bed again.
Nope.

You're a big boy-- you
sleep in your own bed.
But...

End of story.

Look at you,
laying down the law.

Well, Petra was right--
I do coddle Mateo too much.

And now can we finally have
some grown-up time?

Mm, I would love
some grown-up time.
Ooh.

Yeah.

Oh.
Mm.

(both sigh)

Wow.

You are welcome to
coddle me anytime.

(both laugh)

Mmm.

(phone chimes)

(gasps)
Oh, J.R. texted Petra back.

Mm. I'm glad you two
worked things out.

Yeah. I realized she's
kind of like my sister.

Which made me think
about the way I grew up,

as an only child, and...
what that felt like.

And...

would you ever consider
having more kids?

I do have three.

And you know I can't have more.

We can adopt.

In the future. Would you
be open to talking about that?

Yeah.

I'd be open
to talking about that.

Oh, I like this.

Thinking about our future.

We haven't done that in a while.

I like it, too.

(laughs)
Mmm.

Aw. Looks like they got

their romantic date after all.

Bagel. Plain
and odorless.

And they got theirs.

(sighs):
And...

I want to thank you
for going to River.

She talked to the network,

demanded equal pay,
and we got it.
(gasps softly)

That's amazing.

And it's also the last time

I get involved in your work.

Because it made you
not want to confide in me.

And that's not okay.

I don't want you
to ever doubt that I'm...

on your team.

Your real-life co-president.

I love you, Xiomara.

♪ ♪

(phone chimes)

(clears throat softly)

(squeaky grunt)

What? What is it?

Friends, you'll want
to see this, too.

Oh, she's good.

(groans) No more...
soul mate stuff for me.

I just realized...

(sighs)
Jason isn't Michael,

and we aren't connected anymore,

and the essential thing

that was Michael...

what I thought was the soul...

it's not there anymore.

What?

(doorbell rings)

♪ ♪

Uh, the divorce papers.

Signed.

No funny business.
(chuckles softly)

I'm heading back to
Montana tomorrow morning.

So...

I also brought you
a parting gift.

Oh.

Wow.

Thanks.
(laughs)

I guess this is it.

Guess so.

I just want you to know...

you're a good person.

And you deserve a good life.

I believe that now.

I mean...

I must have been...

for someone like you to love me.

If you ever need anything...

Yeah. You, too.

So long, Jane.

Wait.

I'm never gonna use this.

Oh.
(laughs)

♪ ♪

Good-bye, Jason.

(exhales)

♪ ♪

I love you.

(Jane laughing)

I love you, too.

Will you marry me?

♪ ♪

(gasps)

(exhales)

(panting)

♪ ♪