Jane the Virgin (2014–…): Season 3, Episode 6 - Chapter Fifty - full transcript

Jane questions her less than spontaneous life after her cousin unexpectedly visits; Xo finds a location for her dance studio; Rogelio struggles to tell Xo he has feelings for her; Petra is served with a lawsuit and asks Rafael for help.

So, Jane, married to Michael,

friends with her baby daddy Rafael,

and currently a little
tense with her Abuela.

See, Alba hated her sister

- _
- Cecilia, and they hadn't spoken

in 40 years. But then Jane got in touch

with her granddaughter,
who lived in London.

- Hi!
- Hi!

And, well, it drove
a wedge between them.

Oh, and Catalina decided to
make a surprise appearance!

Jane! Hi!

- Oh, my God.
- OMG indeed!

And speaking of, Petra's
twin sister Anezka

froze her and took her place.


But luckily Petra woke
up, and said this:

I am Anezka.

Of course, Petra had ulterior motives.

Why did you protect me?

Because of the hotel shares.

They'd be void.
Rafael signed them to you as me.

So first, she made Anezka break
up with her true love, Scott.

And then, she set her sights on Rafael.

I'm not walking away from this hotel.

You are.

Why are you doing this?

I'm only going to say this once.
It wasn't me.

I know. Tough times, right?
And speaking of tough,

Rogelio was trying to break
into the American TV scene.

But there was a slight catch.

I will have to reveal my penis.

Oh. And Jane's mom Xo

also had a career revelation

and decided to open a dance school.

And speaking of moms,
Rafael's was a crime lord.

And she was murdered.
And a clue in the Bible

led to a secret bank account

that the police were trying to track.

I know. Moms, right? They're a handful.

And on that note, let's dive in.

As you all know, Jane
Gloriana Villanueva

grew up loved.

I got to run, but Abuela's here.

If a bit lonely at times.

And if I'm being honest,

which I'm always being...

Excellent tea.

Outstanding, really.

If she had one wish as a child,
it was to have a sister.

So when Catalina Maria Mora
showed up out of the blue,

well, it didn't feel like
the bomb that it was.

It felt like that wish come true.

What are you...

doing here?


The craziest thing:

I was heading back from Venezuela

and I had an unscheduled
layover in Miami.

And I just met you, and I don't know,
it felt like a sign.

Oh, she's speaking Jane's language.

I love that so much.

- I left you two voice mails...
- My battery's dead.

I figured, so I just came.

You must be sexy cop husband.

I don't know about sexy, but, uh...

but cop is... true.

Ooh! Sexy and modest!


- She's a kisser!
- Okay. Um...

No, come on in!

Oh! Lovely!

Welcome. We're moving.

Oh, fun, I love moving!

Who loves moving?

Really? Of course! It's a chance

to redecorate, reinvent...

Is that

a doggie door? I love dogs!

You have a dog?

Um, we're discussing getting a cat.

They're preliminary discussions.

If you want a cat, get a cat!
What's there to discuss?

Well, Jane's more of the planning type.


Well, that's never been my strong suit.


Okay, so. Full confession:

this visit isn't totally unmotivated.

My Abuela knows we
connected and wanted to see

if we could help them fix things.

Oh. Um...
my grandma asked me to stay out of it.

But I want to hang out with you.

- Please, stay here tonight.
- Oh, no! I-I can't.

I don't want to impose, you're moving.

Who cares? We'll pull out sheets.

- Right, Michael?
- Oh. Yeah, why not?

Oh, great!

Um, the loo?


The bathroom.

- Through there.
- Thank you.

Are you sure about this?

Michael, come on. She's my first cousin.

Well, actually, not my first cousin.

Maybe my third? But still,

who cares?

A cousin. I have a cousin!

Aw, looks like Jane is finally

getting that tea party
she always wanted.


after Oxford, I met
this guy in a rock band

and followed him to Paris.

He was a nihilist and a philistine

but gorgeous and, ugh, so brilliant.

We broke up within days but I decided
to stay and take culinary classes,

which is when I studied under
Ludo before living in Berlin.


I've been on an airplane four times.

I love that top, by the way.


- Mm-hmm.
- I am telling you,

this lady who owned
this brothel in Thailand

was a genius!


And they threatened to run away,
but my grandma chickened out,

so Alba convinced her to
spend the night in the barn.

She's incredible, Michael.

Well traveled and artistic

- and adventurous and so funny.
- Mm.

- We were up all night.
- Oh, I heard. When do you think

she's gonna be out of the shower? 'Cause
the movers are gonna be here any minute.

I'm sure she's almost done.


we were actually talking about
her staying for a few more days.

With us?

In our new place?

There's so much to catch up on.

Wh... What? What was that look?

Well, don't you think
it's a little weird

that she shows up... unannounced?


You've just been around me too long.

Not everyone's a planner.
Her style's more...

- spontaneous.
- Morning, morning!

Apparently, her style

doesn't include wearing a bra.

Hey! So,

we actually talked about it, and...

please stay with us for a few more days!


Incredible, fun, I'd love to!


And you don't have to meet her.
I know you don't want to.

I just wanted you to know she's here.





Thanks. You have to
come by the new place.

As soon as Cat leaves.

So, I should go to my
meeting. Hopefully,

I can get my T.A. job back.

The dean said no way you're getting

your T.A. job back.

Apparently that bridge has been burned.

No! Wait, wait, this is a mistake!

To a crisp.

But I was at a party the other night,
and I ran

into Leslie Clark from
Silver Horizon Publishing.

Have you heard of them?

Romance with a slant
towards historical fiction,

won a RITA award for their
Dawn's Early Light trilogy

set in the War of 1812.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. I've heard of them.

Well, she's looking for a new assistant.

Really? W-What does that entail?

I have no idea.

It was a party.

I recommended you.

- What?
- Yeah. Here's her card.

Her current assistant's
info is on there.

Oh, my God! Thank you so much!

I'm gonna hug you,
okay? Just stand still.

In a less huggy mood...

When I said I wanted you out of
the hotel, it wasn't theoretical.

No, I have someone lined up
to rent out your penthouse.

As you'll recall, Petra Solano

was back from the dead and on a rampage.


It was a majority shareholder decision.

Meaning my decision.

Hell, I'm scared of her!

Why are you doing this? I just...

I don't understand.

Here's what I don't understand.

How you were married to me,
said you loved me,

then slept with my sister
and worked alongside her

for months without ever
realizing it wasn't me.

Yeah. I got nothing either, buddy.

I'm sorry. It's... all I can say.

But we have children together.
Yes, and that's unfortunate.

We'll have the nannies coordinate.

End of next week, I want you out.

I'm stunned.

- Did you drop my name at the bank?
- Yeah, unfortunately,

it didn't translate into a
boost to my credit score.

Then I will loan you the money
to open your dance studio.

I thought you might offer, but no.

You'll say you won't interfere,

but then you'll want a say.

Of course I'll want a say!

In fact, you should
want me to have a say.

I'm excellent at branding and promotion.

I know a little something about dance...

I know you think you do.

What's this?

Some kind of private joke?

Well. Come on, at
least show me the place

you're interested in renting.

Sorry. No. Sorry.

Sorry. Uh-uh. All right.


I'm off carbs. I need to slim down

for my big full frontal scene.

- About the crew?
- The crew's naked body

is not gonna not be featured
in an indie feature!

Fine. They want you in makeup,

and here are some script revisions.

Thank you, Rudy.

What the hell?

This is a huge episode.
I finally see Ava

and realize she went through
the time portal after me.

It's a turning point in the novela.

We had to...

And it's supposed to
happen in the episode

where I prevent the third world war

by ending the Cuban Missile Crisis.

- The thing is, you...
- And why does the episode now

take place in Vernon J. Herzing's house?

And who the hell is that?!


I guess you made some sort
of deal with the studio?

All nudity in television and film

is not permitted, as
it tarnishes our brand.

So, what are you saying?
I can't take the part?

You can do it.
If you do something for us in exchange.

We have a chance to do a product
integration and make some money

for the show and for the studio.

But the writers said no.

Well, allow me to overrule the writers.

Okay, so I'll eat the cereal
during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

But HBO wasn't invented then.

- The TV station?
- The cereal.


Who cares? No one will notice.


- Stop following me.
- I-It's just...

now that you rethought
leaving, I thought

maybe you rethought us.

- I didn't.
- But...

what we had, uh... the things
we said to each other. What...?

Just a friendly reminder:

That wasn't Petra. That was all Anezka.

My sister had a health crisis,

and I... I melted down.

And now that she feels better,

well, I...

I feel different, too.

I'll say.

So, let me

be unequivocal.

We are never, ever
getting back together.


You don't have to throw
our song in my face!

I'm so excited.

I could be working directly
with the publisher.

Getting to read galleys,

and observe the editing
process from start to finish.

- Amazing!
- That's amazing, babe!


I know. Uh, I...

I am a little nervous
about the interview.

You know, Donaldson didn't
have any details on the job

so I can't do my usual
hard-core prepping.

Oh, you'll be fine.

I got a job as a sommelier
on a Greek island

one summer,
and I knew exactly zero about wine.

I totally faked it.

Dropped some buzz words like
"oaky" and "bouquet"

- at the interview.
- Really?

Truly. And this is terrible wine.

I'm buying you some wine.

Trust me. Everything you need to know,

you can learn on the job. Just...

lead with confidence.

Which brings us here, now...

Hi! I'm Jane!

Confidence, not volume.

Sorry. I'm excited.

I'm Jane. You must be Alice.

- We spoke on the phone.
- Yes. Hi.

It's good you're excited.

You should be; Leslie is great.

I'll let her know you're here.

And considering Silver Horizon's slant

towards historical fiction,
I think it would be

a perfect fit for me.

- And I'd work my butt off.
- Well, Jane,

I really like your energy,

and you come with quite

a recommendation. Marlene Donaldson?

She hates everybody.

It took me a while

but I finally wore her down.

We hug now.

Oh, come on.

Well, once, but I might try it again.

Way to go, Jane, you're crushing it.

And you know Spark Express, of course?


Of course, yes, absolutely.



Um, could you help me with this issue?

Uh-oh... now?

I can't seem to delete this field.

Oh, yeah.


Let's see.

This one?

- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

So, did you try highlighting it?


- What's... what's wrong?
- I-I...

I seem to have deleted the file.

Uh, l-let me just undo it.

Would you...
just in case, did you back it up?


This is two hours of work.


I thought you knew the software.

I meant I'd learn it.

What's going on?

We need I.T. in here.

I'm so sorry.

Just go.


So, she really bombed that.

The publisher basically
threw me out of her office.

- It was a disaster.
- I'm sorry, babe.

At least now you know
to trust your instincts.

Oh, no, stop, you can't give up.

You have the assistant's info,
work her a little.

- You can recover.
- I don't know.

This was a pretty epic fail.

Agree. Just move on.

Don't be silly.

Once, I really bungled things

while working Fashion Week in Milan,

but since I was besties

with Zac Posen's assistant,

he got Zac to look the other way.

Do you have the assistant's number?

Alice? Yeah.



I can't send that.

Sure you can!

Come on.



Ah! A smiley face!

Yay! You're in.

- Good.
- And it worked, Mom.

I mean, I've been texting
with her assistant all night.

She said she'd work her boss.

That's great, hon.

Uh, listen, I should go.


Bye, Mom.

Come on.

Let's toast to our new apartment

with our, uh, bad wine.

Do you ever wish

you traveled?

I mean...

I haven't really thought about it much.

Me, neither.

Do you want to?

I don't know.


I mean, not now.

After grad school?

What about Mateo?

We would take him.

And my job?

I know, you're right.

It's not practical.






Have we met?

Uh, I don't think so.

You're Petra Solano, right?


You've been served.


You're suing me for sexual harassment?

You-You know that's not true.

Your word against mine.

- Please keep away.
- Are you...

- What are you doing?
- You've created

a hostile work environment.

I don't feel safe around you.

Now, is there

a work-related topic

you would like to discuss?

Otherwise, this conversation

is highly inappropriate.

Did I blow your mind or
did I blow your mind?

It's beautiful, Rogelio,
but I already saw this online

and it's twice what I want to spend,

which is why I want the other one.

Ah, but you didn't factor
in the celebrity discount.

I told the owner of the strip mall

I'd do a commercial for his fro-yo place

and negotiated the rent
down to half price.

- What?
- I told you, I'm a value add.

Are you serious?!

You know I'm always serious

about dance.

Oh, my God,

would you stop it already?

Okay, I found out what

these private jokes are about.

So, for our first competition,

I think we should do

a high-octane, "Rhythm
Nation"-type routine.


- Sweet!
- That's tight.

No, no, no, no, no.


Just put me in the center

and have the girls freak up against me.

To hide that you can't dance?


we know you're just here to meet girls.

Oh, I can dance.

Prove it.

Let's see you follow my moves.

It's perfect.

And, friends,

it felt too good to be true.

Which it was.

Let them just finish
signing the paperwork.


It's all yours.

Thank you so much.

And that's when she saw him.

- Oh, my God.
- Yup. Bruce.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You don't know who Bruce is.

Well, listen up.

Bruce is the worst!

His law office is right by your studio?

Can you get out of your lease?

Stop. You're being crazy.

I'm not! He's the worst.

- Why?
- Well,

first, he was married,
and he didn't tell Mom.


she finds out, and he keeps saying

that he's gonna leave his wife,
but he never does.

She keeps saying that she's done,

over and over and over and over,

oh, and over and over.

Mmm. I agree.

He's a jerk. Now, go to work.

I got Mateo. I'm just saying that

you don't need to be around him.

Jane, enough.
That was a different time in my life.

I can't even imagine
being with Bruce now.

People move on.

Hey. Am I early?

No. I just finished my shift.

Great. Want to go out for drinks?

Oh, I can't.
Mateo and Michael are waiting for us.

Oh. One?

We'll strategize about your career.

- Fine. One.
- Yes.

And that's when...

Hi there.

Oh, hey. Uh, Rafael,

this is my cousin Catalina.

Ah, this is Catalina.

And you must be the baby daddy.

Officially... but you
can call me Rafael.

Was that a spark between them?

Nah, I was just reading
into it, I'm sure.

Vodka soda, light on the soda. Jane?

- Um...
- You know, I think I'll

join you guys for a drink.

So I told him you can't wear
Speedos in the dining room.

Ah, the "kooky guest
in the Speedo" story.

Jane's heard this one
about a hundred times.

So I gave in and I threw him a robe.

So... we should head out.

Oh, no. We ordered another round

when you went to the loo.
But, hey, you know,

if you need to run...

What's another drink?


So, I spent the summer crewing
on my friend Dorian's yacht

- off the coast of Monaco...
- Wait, wait. Dorian Moreau?

- You know him?
- Yes! He threw this

massive party in the French Riviera,

- like, five years ago.
- Oh, my God, I was there!

- You were there?
- Yes!

No way!

So funny.

Small world.

Okay, we should probably call an Uber,

go back to Michael and Mateo.

- First dinner at the new place.
- Wait.

You're going... to their first dinner?

You are totally third-wheeling it.

Oh, my God, am I?

- I knew it.
- No!

- Yes!
- No.

Absolutely you are.

Look, let them have dinner alone, okay?

We stay here and eat,
and then you go back later.

Okay. Is that weird?


No, it's not weird.

Oh. Okay, yes, I should probably go.

Seeing as I said...

out loud that I was gonna go.

Don't you think that's a little weird?

Don't you think that's weird, Mateo?

That you came home
drunk at 7:00 p.m.? Yes.

That he's, like...
hitting on her in front of me.

I mean, not really.
She's definitely his type.

What does that mean?


Like you.

- You think she's hot?
- I think you're hot.

Turn it around, man.

- Why you acting all jealous?
- I'm not jealous.

You love her, you think she's great,

so what if he does, too?

If he does, too, that's great.

- Great!
- Great!

- _
- Which brings us here, now.

Hey. Did you have fun last night?

I didn't hear you come in.

Oh, good. Good.

I was trying to be
quiet. It was so late.

Rafael kept saying we should
give you guys privacy.

Next I know, we're sloshed

and eating shrimp tacos,
and suddenly I felt all dodgy

being out with your baby's father,
so I came home.

Was it dodgy?

No, it's not dodgy at all.

I mean, with three kids,

it's not like Raf gets out much.

Brilliant! I'm friends
with my exes, too.


So, I need your help.

Excuse me?

Scott is apparently suing me.

For sexual harassment, of all things.

- What?
- Yes, and...

I want it over.

Can I tell my legal
team you'll back me up?

In exchange, you can...

remain in the penthouse.

Well, in exchange, I
want my shares back.

Paying him off will be cheaper.

You okay?

I'm hoping I will be.

Uh, anyways...

I had so much fun with
Catalina last night.

I mean, she is incredible.

Oh, yeah, she's cool.

I was actually thinking
about asking her out again.


I mean...

she's only here for a few more days.

Do you really want to start something

with someone who's leaving?

I don't know, I really thought
there was a spark between us.

She didn't mention anything, so...



Jane, if you feel uncomfortable

with me dating your
cousin, I won't do it.

No, I hadn't really thought about it.

Yeah, right. Sorry.

But since you asked, I guess I am.

So I shouldn't ask her out?

Yeah, I-I think I'd rather you didn't.

I am aggravated!

- You're hungry.
- No, I just ate

nine pieces of celery and a saltine.

Unrelated to that, I'm aggravated

because we should hire someone to paint.

We can do it ourselves.

But it's going to take forever.

Less talking and more prepping.

I have an idea on how to
solve our disagreement.

Though you might be too scared.

Scared of what?

Standard rules apply.

You copy my move, I copy your move.

Stop stalling.

You're the one who's stalling.


Oh! Aah!

Ha-ha! That's right!

Rogelio, are you okay?

I think I pulled something.

I have a confession to make.

The truth is, I didn't sign up

for our high school dance troupe

to meet girls.

I signed up for our
high school dance troupe

to meet a girl.

I-I'm sorry I've been so grumpy today.

It's just, seeing Bruce around

is just really throwing me.

Because you still have feelings for him?

No! The opposite.

He messed with my life for so long...

I never really got the
chance to tell him off.

You still can.

- You don't have to sulk.
- I'm not.

But I didn't have to ask
you if I could date her.

But you did. And I said no.

Hi, honey. Mwah.

- Raf was just leaving.
- Oh, okay.

- How have you been?
- Better before Jane

shut down my dating life.

What are you talking about?


- You didn't tell him?
- Are you serious?

- Tell him what?
- She asked me not to date Catalina.

- You told him he couldn't date her?
- I just think it's inappropriate.

How is it inappropriate?

There are three billion
women in this world!

Okay, you know what? Whatever. Go ahead.

And if it doesn't work out, who knows,

maybe you could hook up with
one of my other cousins.

Oh, or maybe a sexy great aunt!

Yeah, I think I'm gonna head out.

Hi, baby.

Who's that? Oh...

- I knew you were jealous.
- I'm not jealous.

I just... What if it doesn't work out?

They're adults.

I'll be in the middle of it.
We share a child!

I don't want that to get complicated

because of some fling
with a cousin I just met

and I really like!

So this isn't about your
romantic history with Rafael?

- No.
- Then why didn't you tell me he asked?

Because... you get so
sensitive about it.

I'm sensitive?


things can be tricky with exes.


Which brings us here...


Hey, Bruce.

What are you doing here?

I actually rented the
place across the way,

and I saw you. You moved offices?

Last year, after my divorce.

Oh, no. He's divorced!


Stay strong, Xo.


since we'll be seeing each other around,

I just wanted to say something.

You were such a douche bag.

- And speaking of douche bags...
- I've thought

a lot about this.

And, look, for everyone's sake,

I just want this to all go away.
My lawyers and I

were able to come up with a number

to settle out of court.

It's not about the money.

It's about the fact that
you obviously used me.

- I didn't...
- Liar.

And I'm gonna make you pay.

I have a burn book, remember?

I know a lot about you.

Your real name...

the fact that you were
married to an arms dealer...

Oh. And, um...

It's over.

I said everything that I
have to say to Bruce, and...

he got it.

And I have to say, I feel great.

That's wonderful, Xiomara.

Yeah. So thank you

for encouraging me to do that.

Of course.

And can I just say... I love

our friendship.

I-I love the place that we've gotten to.

Me, too.

Good-bye, Xiomara.

This doesn't make any sense!

Tiago sees Ava

kissing another guy,
and he turns and walks away?!

Rogelio, can we just discuss
this in your dressing room?

No! We're gonna discuss it here!

My blood sugars are extremely low,

and I cannot find the truth

in this ridiculous scene. Tiago,

he has been looking for
Ava through time and space,

and when he finally sees her,
she is kissing another man!

And he walks away

and doesn't tell her how he feels?!

It just doesn't make any sense!

- Which part?
- He'd tell her.

Oh, see, that part I bought.

I have to agree. Should we go back

to the Vernon Herzing story?
Every one at the Honey Bunch

loved that storyline.


So, how'd you leave it?

Well, Michael's still mad at me,
I'm still mad at Rafael,

Rafael's probably

still mad at me.

And how about Catalina?

She's steering clear, I think.

Can you blame her?

Anyway, don't bring it up at dinner.


you look so nice!

That's her fourth wardrobe change.


She spent three hours making arepas.



That's her.

Alba, hi!

I brought my world-famous arepas.

Rival arepas!

And unsecured tatas!

This is going to be a long...

Oh, wow. Look at that.

I was totally wrong.

But they had to sneak out of the house

to practice, right?

Their father did not approve of dancing.

She said he was very strict.



- Ah?
- Yeah!

And that night,

Alba won the town dance contest.

- Fair and square. But she was
- Oh.

Disqualified because her skirt
was two inches too short.

- Abuela!
- Mommy?


Oh, it was

quite the scandal. And that was

the first night you met Mateo.


Mm. My grandma was devastated.

And she was so sorry about

- what she did after.
- Devastated?

Why was she devastated?

Well, because she'd been in
love with him first, right?

And you sort of stole him away?



I'm so sorry.

That's what my Abuela told me.


- Abuela.
- Mom.




I can't believe how I bungled that.

And we were getting along.

Well, she'll... get over it.

Are we talking about the same Abuela?


I didn't even think
it was controversial.

I thought that was the story.

- Really?
- Yeah, of course.

That's what everyone thinks.



Skinny Bloody Maria.

Extra celery, please.

Ah, yes. The new friendship.

Hey, can I ask you a question?


Do you think it's weird that
I want to date Jane's cousin?

Well, it depends. How
much do you like her?

Well, a...

a lot, actually.

I mean, I really felt, like, a...
like a spark.

Which is rare.

So rare. Uh-huh.

People spend a lot of
time searching for that,

and if that spark turns
into a forest fire of love

for someone...

someone you could envision

spending the rest of your life with...

No, we-we just met, you know.

It's a little early for that.
I barely know her.

A person you somehow keep
finding your way back to,

after years and years apart...
Well, hell, that's...

that's even rarer, no?

Are we still talking about Catalina?

So what... if Xo and I have this

obstacle? I'm obviously

still in love with her,
and the kid's a big hypothetical.

She's here, and she's real.

I should tell her how I'm feeling.

Rafael, this was a great talk.

And, friends,

Rogelio had played this
scene a thousand times

in telenovelas.

The hero racing to
profess his love for...


You have a fix for the script?



There has to be a reason
why Tiago doesn't speak up

when he sees them kissing.

Something emotional

that haunts him from his past.

The fact that he didn't raise Jane.

The fact that he didn't
stop the Hiroshima bomb

last time,
because he and Ava were making love.

- Go on.
- So, yes,

he loves her.

But he's also reminded that he...

Wants another child.

Wants to stop the Bay of Pigs.

So, when he sees her kissing that troll,

he takes it as a sign.

To stick to his initial mission.

I like it. Yeah,

I'll jump back into the script

and make those changes.

Also jumping back in...


you're looking better.

Oh, let's hope the
doctor agrees with you.

I just had my physical.

Any new on the case?

Just that you were right.

The numbers in Mutter's Bible...

belong to a bank account.

But they don't know whose bank account?

- Not yet.
- They're working on it.

- So what's the...
- Look, I really...

Go on.

Just that I'm sorry.

I left a message for Rafael,

and I told him I'm fine
with him dating Catalina.



- What?
- Oh,

Alice just invited me to
join the assistants' group

for happy hour.

Well, as Cat would say, "Jolly good!"

Let's definitely go."

Stop. Okay, w-we don't have to.

Y-Yes, we do.

Because I'm not gonna be

the stick in the mud

that ruins this opportunity for you.

We're doing this.

I'll do it.

I'll give you your shares back

if you lie about Scott.

If I agree to do this,

no more blackmail,

no more threats.

We are even.

Equal partners again.

Equal partners.

I am prepared to say
that you harassed her.

Which makes it your word against ours.

And we will drag your
name through the mud

and sue you into oblivion.

You'll end up broke and humiliated

with no hope and zero
prospects for the future.


you can give up this ridiculous lawsuit,

and we can all move on.

I don't know why you won't just move on.

Because you won't
admit you were jealous.


I'm jealous.

But you want to know what?

It's not even about him.

It's about her.

Catalina makes me feel a little boring,

She lives this

exciting and glamorous life.


she isn't afraid to break the rules.

I know.


That's exactly what I was afraid of.

She's making you not like your life.

Suddenly you feel like

you're married to some boring guy

and we're just married boring people.

Well, guess what.

I'm not boring!

I didn't say you were.


What are you doing?

Where are you go...? Michael, stop.


- Hi! You're here.
- Alice. Hi.

Let me introduce you to everyone.


Can I have your attention?

So bear with me.

I have to prove to my
wife that I'm not boring.

- Oh, my God.
- Here we go.

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Never had much faith in love ♪

♪ Or miracles ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Never want to put my heart ♪

♪ On the Li-i-i-ine, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause your sex
takes me to paradise ♪

Why is that weirdo staring
at you and singing about sex?

'Cause he's my weirdo.

I'll be right back.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Yeah, your sex
takes me to paradise ♪

♪ And it sho-o-o-ows ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause you make me feel like ♪

♪ I've been locked out of heaven ♪

♪ For too lo-o-o-ong ♪

♪ For too lo-o-o-ong ♪

♪ And you make me feel like... ♪

Screw boring, we are not boring!

- Oh, we're young, we're fun!
- Yes.


- Ha! It's Alice.
- What?

Oh! They loved us!

They want us to go
back. Should we go back?


You wanted Alice to
think you're awesome.

She thinks you're awesome.

You got to leave them wanting more.

That's how we roll. We go in there,

we drop some fun bombs... Boom!

And we're out.

I did have fun tonight.

And for the record,

I don't want to be young and crazy

with anyone else but you.

Me neither.

It's still pretty early.

What other fun, spontaneous,
crazy things should we do?

We got a cat!


Faith M. Whiskers III.

We didn't even debate about it,
we just did it!

Wow, you guys are wild.

- I know!
- We really are.

Uh, so...


Rafael actually mentioned

that he wanted to hang out.


Truly. You should do it.

I mean, he's home; I know
he would love to see you.

I guess I should hop
in the shower, then.

Do it!


Nice work.

You think Faith M. Whiskers III

has ever seen two boring
married people have sex?

Michael, ew.

I don't want her watching us.

Get out of here, Faith.

I bet I know who that is.

Meow, indeed.

Oh. Not who I expected.

I told you it would work.

Let me explain.

We are never, ever
getting back together.


You don't have to throw
our song in my face.

So... who I was with...
it was really Anezka?

Yeah, but there's no way to prove it.


you'll be getting that
bonus, as discussed.

Oh, I didn't do it for the money.

No, though it's a pretty nice number.

No, I did it for the favor.

It's good to have a guy like you owe me.

We just owe this last shot.

And action!




Cut! Perfect.

That's a wrap.

That was fantastic!

Everybody at the Honey Bunch is excited.

Terrific! I'm excited, too.

Last night, I had a moment of clarity.

I want to have more children.

That's my mission.

And I'm going to make it happen.

Would you be interested by any chance?

I'm just kidding!

I love the cereal, but I need eggs.

Speaking of sexy come-ons...

Okay, I'm pretty sure

I'm right this time.

I was glad you called.

And bang!

I nailed it on the very first take.

Now, everybody, please try this cereal.

- It's everything.
- So...

Have there been any
more Bruce sightings?

Nope, not since I, uh, told him off.


So the spell is finally broken.

It is.








No, Abuela...

It's okay.

I believe you.



Me, neither.

So, can we end this?







So how about

I go get us something to eat

and then we do that a
few thousand more times?

Sounds perfect.

You are trouble, aren't you...?

I guess you'll have to wait and see.

Resync: MartijnSnip