Ja'mie: Private School Girl (2013): Season 1, Episode 6 - Episode #1.6 - full transcript

JA'MIE: After my period
of depression,

I came back to school
with a whole new image.

GIRL: Oh, my God, Ja'mie!
You look incredible.

Then I found out the shocking news

that my sister had leaked
a private video of me and Kwami.

Your breasts are exposed,
the young man's genitals are out.

Dad kicked Kwami
out of the house.

Seriously, I'm legit devs about it.

I want to stay with you,
in your room, in your bed.

And then Kwami confessed
that he was in love with me.

It was seriously awks.

- I love you so fucking much.
- Cool.


Muck-Up Day was the most fun day
of my whole entire life.

Hey, check your phone!

Mitchell sent me a dick pic
to prove he wanted me back.

Yeah, that's his dick.

And me and Madison finally
became friends again.

If I died right now, loving you would be
the best thing that's ever happened to me.

But the day ended really badly.

It's really good news, isn't it,

I found out that Erin
is winning the Hillford Medal

and performing her dance solo
at Presentation Day.

What I'm accusing you of is awarding
the Hillford Medal to a dumb fat lesbian.

And I've literally never been more
pissed off in my whole entire life.

I can't put this behind me.

( theme music playing )

♪ ♪

( flute plays )

Season 1
"Episode 6"

♪ Hey there
♪ Pretty brown eyes

♪ What you doing
♪ Later tonight

♪ Mind if I
♪ Spend time with you

♪ You
♪ And I say

♪ Hey there
♪ Pretty brown eyes

♪ What you doing
♪ Later tonight

♪ Mind if I
♪ Spend time with you

♪ You. ♪

We're leaving in three quarters
of an hour, everyone.

Courtney, are you showered yet?
Hurry up, please.

COURTNEY: If you come
into this bathroom,

I'm gonna kill the hell
out of your face, I'm serious!

JA'MIE: I'm gonna do more make-up.
I've done basics for now.

But you can only do so much 'cause
it's still school rules and stuff.

- It actually looks really quiche, bebs.
- I know.

- Are you nervous?
- It's kind of... Um...

Not really 'cause, like,
I'm really prepared.

- Yeah, cool.
- So where are you gonna be sitting?

Probs with Eddy
or whatever other fags are there.

I think he's there
for his sister and stuff.

Get a spot sort of in the middle.

Like it doesn't matter how far back,
but get in the middle

because that's where it's gonna...

Everyone's gonna see it,
it's gonna be so great.

I know.

(Sighs) Have you heard
from the African yet?

No, I haven't.

I really miss him.
He's so cute.

Seriously, that's why I look
at this photo sometimes, I'm, like,

just get a phone.

Are you sure you weren't into him
a little bit?

Shut up.

Maybe a little bit.

But it would never work out
for obvs reasons.

Yeah.... Yeah.

(Mobile dings)

Oh, my fucking God.

- Who is it?
- Have a guess.

- Mitchell...?
- Yep.

It's a photo of him in his footy
shorts with one of his balls out.

Hot! Is there a message?

Yeah. He says,
'You know you want me back'.

Seriously, get out of my life.

- Delete.
- Oh, my God, no! Send me the pic first.

I'm over you. I'll send it to you.
You're disgusting.


- I'm so over him.
- Really?

I just sent it.
Like, fully? Like, fully over him?

Fuck him. Gone.
Get out of my life.

- Sick of you. You love yourself.
- He was quiche, though.

- As if I wanna see his fucking balls.
- Yeah.

(Camera clicks)

What's the weather like?


- Oh...
- Jhyll.

How long's this thing gonna go for?
My plane leaves at three.

Just a second, darling.


Gampy wants to Skype with you.
He's on now.

No fucking way!
I don't want to talk to him.

I'm just about to Skype Madison,
I'm not doing it.

- Jamie, do as you're told.
- Fuck off!

Jamie, talk to your grandfather,
for God's sake!

Fine! I'll talk to him.

It's definitely been a hard few months
supporting Jamie through her schooling.

Quite stressful, actually.

But Jamie will get her HSC
and that's the main thing.

Everything else will just blow over.

So she's not the medallist
or the best dancer,

but, hey, that's life.

I'm a winner in life,
I'm a very successful businessman.

But I have to remember
that Jamie is half Jhyll's too.

And Jhyll hasn't exactly
done a lot with her life.

So there's a little bit of that
lack of drive in the genes too.

Don't you think, darling?

I want cuggle with Gampy.

Jamie miss you.

I miss you too, darling.
It's hard to be so far away.

I need to visit Australia, don't I?

Pwease, Gampy.


Listen, darling,
congratulations on your graduation.

Have a wonderful speech night.
I'm really proud.

Thanks, Gampy.

But I don't want you to go.

You'll be alright, darling.

Bye, Gampy. Bye-bye.

Thank fuck that's over.

Are you for real? I can't even deal
with how fucked up that was.


Why were you talking
like a spastic child?

I wasn't. He loves it.
I was just being nice.

And he's really rich
and he'll be dead soon, so...

Bebs, you're twisted.
Anyway, I'd better go.

Good luck with the plan. Seriously.

BOTH: Mwah, mwah.

- Love you so fucking much.
- Good luck tonight.

- See you at Presentation Day!
- Love you so fucking much, bebs.

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

(Elevator dings)

What are you doing?
You look like a freak.

Just daydreaming, darling.
Why are you not ready?

I'm putting my dress on at the last
minute. I'm not risking creasing it.

- Are you wearing makeup?
- Maybe.

Get it off! I'm still School Captain.

You look like a fucking under-aged
Russian prostitute.

Darling, I just want to ask you

Well, I'm busy, I don't want to deal
with your shit right now.

I've got so much on my mind.
This is the biggest day of my life.

- Please, just let me ask you something.
- What?!

Do you think it's strange your father
is bringing Mandy to Presentation Day?

No. He needs her for business trips.
They're going away straight after.

He'd be lost without her.

That's what I thought.
I just had a silly moment.

Mum, you do realise Dad is an idiot?

He's just really rich
and that's why we need him.

That's pretty much
all guys are good for.

- There's more to life than guys, Mum.
- That's lovely, darling. Thank you.

Are you disappointed you're not
dancing or getting the medal today?

- No, 'cause I've got a plan.
- What do you mean?

Um... you'll find out.

No-one fucks with me
and gets away with it.


By the way, are you wearing that?
'Cause you look like a cancer patient.

Good chats, Mum.

♪ You could be my matchstick

♪ Light me up

♪ If you love me in the way
that I want it

♪ Play the part

♪ We, we're flying
recklessly tonight

♪ Go on and take me higher

♪ You can be my firestarter

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪

I'm ready.

MRS WELHAM: And it's a great pleasure
to present to you a girl who represents

all of the core values that
we strive for here at Hillford,

an achiever of excellence
in all aspects of her education,

a student who's shown compassion,
upheld her Christian values

and cared for those around her
in the community -

please welcome to the stage
in our centenary year

the winner of the Hillford Medal -
Erin Walker.


Thanks. Thank you.

Thank you, Mrs Welham,
Archbishop Collins,

distinguished guests,
parents, students and teachers.

In this centenary year,
I have had many opportunities

to fulfil so many of my dreams.

Hillford have welcomed me
with their open arms.

Girls, we're ready.

I wouldn't be here today without
the support of everyone here at Hillford.

I'm very honoured to be receiving
the Hillford Medal today,

to which I have to thank everyone
who's helped me along the way.

To all the girls in
the cricket team, well done...

(Erin continues speaking
in the distance)

Alright, gather in, girls.

OK, listen up.

I've got to do my captaincy
handover speech

and, Madison,
that's when I want you to do it.

OK? You've got the laptop.

OK. I'm freaking out.

- Are you guys freaking out?
- GIRLS: Yes.

...enjoy it and thank you.


Listening For The Weather)

♪ So I'm listening for the weather

♪ To predict the coming day

♪ Leave all thought of expectation
to the weatherman

♪ No, it doesn't really matter
what it is he has to say... ♪

- That should be you, Ja'mie.
- Tell me about it.

♪ All the people that I know
in the apartments down below

♪ Busy with their starring roles
in their own tragedy

♪ Sunlight sends you on your way

♪ And those restless thoughts
that cling to yesterday... ♪

- It's just embarrassing for her.
- It's fucked.

I seriously feel like spewing
watching her.

Ja'mie, you're so much better.
It's sad.


Alright. Gather in, girls.

Hold hands.

We have passed the point
of no return, OK?

- Are we all in this together?
- Yeah.

Remember the Prefect promise?

That we stand united,
no matter what. OK?

Let's do this.

- Say, 'Yes, Ja'mie.'
- GIRLS: Yes, Ja'mie.

Hands in the middle.

ALL: Prefect promise!

(All exhale)

Oh, my God.
I love you guys so much.

I really do.
Like, I fucking, fucking love you.

- Love you so much.
- OK.


Representing Hillford as School
Captain in this, our centenary year,

has been incredible to say the least.

But the time has come now for
me to hand over my captaincy

to next year's Hillford Girls
Grammar School Captain,

Amy Westlake.


Can you move?
We're using my laptop for the choir.

Miss Duffy told me to tell you.

I'm in charge of projection
for the whole night.

Shut up, Lauren. Fucking move.
Stop being a bitch.

It is now time for me to perform
my final duty as School Captain -

I'd like to welcome to the stage
the Junior and Senior Choirs

to perform my very own composition,
"Learning To Be Me".

But before I do that,
I have something to say.

As you saw earlier, the Hillford
Medal was awarded to Erin Walker -

a grossly overweight
lesbian boarder.

While the most appropriate recipient,
me, was snubbed,

due to one fact alone -

I chose to expose my breasts on Skype
in front of the boy that I love...

...who happens to be
a black African boy called Kwami.

That's right, everyone.

Because I chose to have
an interracial relationship,

the leaders of this school
have decided to silence me.

OK? How is that upholding
Christian values?

Where in the Bible does it say

that you cannot love a boy
of a different colour?

OK? And as far as
getting your tits out goes...

Jamie, stop. Enough.

...Eve had her tits out
in the Garden of Eden.

See, I'm trying to get my word out

and I'm getting silenced
by this school administration...

- Sit down.
- ...who are racist.

Quickly, get back there.

I do apologise for that,
ladies and gentlemen.

Presentation Night can be a very
nervous time for our Year 12 girls,

I'm sure you'll understand.

We'll get back to the program now.

I'll now ask Mrs Duffy to lead
the Junior and Senior Choirs

in the performance
of a beautiful original piece.

Thank you, Mrs Duffy.

(Piano music starts)

♪ As I look back on my education

♪ And all that I have learned

♪ Get a glimpse
of my life destination

♪ And fly up like a bird

♪ The girl that's grown in many ways

♪ The things that I have learned

♪ Hillford sets my spirit free

♪ A woman I will be

♪ 'Cause I'm learning to be me

♪ Teach and you shall... ♪

This is the Hillford Medallist
Honour Board.

- Imagine me in this frame, guys.
- Oh...!

That in bronze
will be fucking amazing.

- WOMAN: Well done.
- MAN: You did very well.

It's really good news, isn't it,

I wouldn't be so sure
if I was you, bitches.

♪ Learning to be me

♪ I'm learning to be me. ♪

This is the video that led me
to be the victim of the politics

of a racist school!

You have the right, girls, guys,
whoever you are,

to love anyone
no matter what colour their skin!

And as far as getting your tits out,

get your tits out, girls,
whenever you like,

no matter how big they are,
get them out!

Enough, enough, finish!

Madison, what are you doing?
Get back in there, quickly.

Lauren, quickly, I need some help.
We've got to get this off.

♪ Teach and you shall learn it

♪ Docendo Discimus

♪ Learning for a lifetime

♪ Docendo Discimus

♪ I'm learning to be me. ♪

(Scattered applause)


♪ ♪

The few weeks after Presentation Day
were completely insane.

There was talk of me getting arrested
for indecent exposure,

but that didn't happen.

The videos that people shot
of me topless

became YouTube sensations
until Hillford had them taken down.

I did end up getting expelled
from Hillford.

So no HSC.

All of us girls did.
But we knew we would.

I'll probably check my Facebook,
like, every day.

GIRLS: Yeah.

Some of the girls are going to repeat
Year 12 next year at different schools.

But not me.

Oh, my God! I can't believe
this is really happening.

GIRLS: Don't... Stop!

- Don't cry, Ja'mie.
- Oh, my God.

Dad cancelled my schoolies week trip
to Bali, but I didn't even care.

GIRL: You have the best time.

'Cause what happened this year
has made me realise

that there's more important things
out there.

I love you, Prefect promise.
I love you guys so much.

I finally realised what I need
to do with my life.

- Bye, Ja'mie.
- Bye, guys!

See you, guys! Love you.

- Love you, bebs!
- Have fun, babe!

Love you guys!
I love you so much.

I fucking love you so much.

Love you!

GIRLS: Love you!


I decided to spend my gap year
doing aid work in Africa,

in Uganda,
where Kwami and his people come from.

Like I'd always planned.

I want to get amongst the people
who need me most,

leave my mark in the world

and finally do something genuinely
compassionate for my fellow man.

And you don't need your HSC or
a private school education in Africa,

just a generous spirit
and a kind heart.

But what I also learned this year

is that there's something more
powerful than anything in the world.

More important than school,
friends or helping Africans.

And that's love.

If you really love someone,
nothing gets in the way.

This year, I fell in love with a boy,
and it changed my life.

Kwami! Kwami!
Come and help me to clean.

(Girls squeal)

I may be a simple private school girl,
but I know one thing -

when it comes to love, it's important
you find someone of equal looks,

class and colour.

And once you find them,
never let them go.

Hi, I know this sort of seems
like the ending.

Well, it was, but in the life
of a teenage girl,

six months is a really long time.

And a lot can happen.

So I thought I'd give you an update.

Basically, I've started
at a new school this year.

I'm doing my HSC again.

And I'm at this incredible new school

where you don't even have
to wear uniforms.

It's really alternative and stuff.

One more, everyone in.

My mum and dad really wanted me
to go at another private school

and they tried to book me in but
I forced them to let me go to Blaxland.

The cameras. (Chuckles)

I mean, it's like a public school,

but, like, everyone's here is really
good-looking so you can't even tell.

And, like, there's no Asians here,
which is really good.

I was so over the whole private
school thing,

do you know what I mean?
It's such a fake world.

I was just, like, sick
of having to prove myself

to, like, this outdated institution
run by corrupt people.

I'm all about expressing my
true self, you know, like, being me.

How good's the Greeky?

And, like, here at Blaxland,
I make my own rules,

I can wear what I want,
I can do what I want 24/7.

I found this cockatoo feather,
it's so random.

- It's so pretty.
- Yeah.

And, guys, I'm thinking of doing,
like, a feather art major thing.

Like, I'm really expressive
and creative here.

Like, my new friends are really cool.
They're such genuine, cool people.

And, you know,
there's a lot of love here.

Oh, my God!

(Chuckles) Oh, my God, sorry.

Basically, I ended up
dumping Mitchell.

He just kind of... he kept sort of,
like, grinding against me

with this, like, full boner and stuff
and like...

I just wanted to gag every time
I thought about his dick.

He kept sending me
a dick pic every day.

I was, like... I couldn't even deal.
So I dumped.

- Mmm.
- Good?

Then the weirdest thing happened.

So I have decided to go through
my bisexual phase.

So I'm gay at the moment,
and I'm dating a girl.

Her name's Astrid.
And we're really in love.

Yeah, she's amazing.

Do, like, a tonguey.

This is my girlfriend, Astrid.

Say "Hi".

As you can see, she's really quiche.

Um, yeah. Show 'em the tattoo.

This is a tattoo that I made her get.

Oh, my God, it's so cute.

It killed to get, she said, but...

- You know, we're so in love.
- It's love.

Yeah, it was worth it.

I love that you're wearing
the ring that I got you.

It's so great being in, like,
a committed relaysh with Astrid.

Like we're just so into each other.

I just love feeling what I feel at
the moment, do you know what I mean?

I fucking love these. I'm so glad
you're wearing all the stuff I got you.

I know.

But, like, it's not all roses.

Me and Astrid, we have, like,
issues just like straight couples.

Do you wanna get dumped,
is that what you want?

'Cause I'll fucking dump you.

OK, babes, I will go back to the cock
at any fucking point.

I can, alright? If that's what
you want, I fucking will.

- No, no.
- I fucking hate you. Forget it.

Don't even fucking text me
for, like, two days.

It's really cool being
the hottest bi girl in the school,

'cause all the other girls are
really into me for obvs reasons.

We should totes go op shopping
and stuff together.

- Mm.
- Hey, Ja'mie.

- Hey!
- Hi, Ja'mie!

Hi, guys!

All of the Prefects got into Blaxland
as well.

They're all going here,
so it's really good.

We're all back together again.

Oh, my God, have you guys seen
that new app?

It turns your face
into an Asian person.

- Yeah!
- It's so good.

I know, I look so ugly as an Asian.

I'm really disgusting.

Ja'mie, I forgot to tell you,
so apparently Erin's got a boyfriend

and because she's, like,
all Christian,

she's gonna get married
so they can have sex.

That's disgusting!
I fucking hate Christians.

Imagine rooting that
fucking fat bitch.

- Seriously!
- So gross.

He would, like, suffocate
on her flabby twat.

(All scream)
No, he would!

One, two, three, four.

Me and the girls, we've really
matured a lot since Hillford.

Like we're really different now.

We've learned a lot.

Um, can you stop staring at me,
Asian guy?

Seriously, are you right?

- Ja'mie, I think he's, like, Eurasian.
- He's kinda hot.

- Oh, my God, he's actually quiche.
- Yeah.

Um, sorry, I didn't mean you.

Asian guy, sorry for calling you
'Asian'. You can watch if you want.

- Let's do it again, he's watching.

So it's five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four.

And me personally,
I've come a long way since Hillford.

I'm sitting in the middle.

Like, I just learned
so much about life.

Move! Astrid's sitting here.

It's Astrid's seat. I fucking
told you, I changed my mind.

Sit here.

I'll never forget
Hillford Girls Grammar.

Everyone, legs together
on a slight angle here.

It was my home,
it was my everything.

Can we get some other girls
on either side of us, please?

And you know what? No matter what
happens, no matter who I become,

and how I change over the years
as I grow into a woman...

Hold my hand.

Actually, don't.

...deep down inside,
I'll always be a private school girl.

(Camera shutter snaps)