Ja'mie: Private School Girl (2013): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript

I'm pretty much guaranteed
to win this year's Hillford Medal...

The homeless. The retarded.
The black

..because I've demonstrated
Christian values like crazy

and I've excelled
in all areas of school life.

I would now like to introduce to you
my latest project, Kwami.

They haven't announced it yet,
but it's also pretty likely

I'm gonna be performing my dance solo
at Presentation Day.

My dad's been a total freak about me
and Kwami spending time together.

Kwami, get to your own room.
No more visiting each other's rooms.

No offence, Dad,
but you're a massive bastard.

And last week was the worst week
of my whole entire life.

- Have you kissed him?
- Yeah.

- Bitch!
- Hit her, Ja'mie. Fucking hit her.

My best friend stole
my boyfriend from me

and I slumped
into a deep depression.

Can you pass me my Marie Claire?

But I'm back at school today
with a whole new image.

Oh, my God, this is gonna be good!

And everyone's gonna lose it
when they see me.

I can't wait till Monday.

She's back
and she's a motherfucking rebel!

- Yay!
- Oh, Kwami, it's gonna be so good.

Season 1
"Episode 5"

Oh, my God, Ja'mie.
You look incredible!

I missed you guys so much.

- Oh, we missed you too.
- I love you so much.

Seriously, I fucking missed you.

How fucking hot do I look? Seriously.

I can't even deal
with how short your dress is!

I know. How good is it?
Check out the earrings.

OK, your tan is legit the hottest
thing I've ever seen.

You're so dark.
You look like a Latino person.

- It's amazing...
- It's so cool.

- Your hair extensions are so hot, I...
- Oh, my goodness.

I know, check 'em out.
They seem really real.

- They match my real hair so much.
- Yeah.

I'm feeling really sort of indie,
you know.

- I felt this is like... it's more me.
- It's such a good look on you.

- You look so hot.
- You look amazing.

I know.
How good are the wristbands?

Oh, my God,
Mr Hayes is gonna kill you for them.

Um, do I look like I care?

I know. It's so cool.

Girls, Jamie! Can you pop
that rubbish into the bin, please?

Yes, Miss.

Actually, maybe I will,
maybe I won't.

Don't even do it.

- Ja'mie, this new you is great.
- We're not her slaves.

We told Madison she can't hang out with
us anymore with the Mitchell thing.

- Oh my God, that's so cool.
- She started crying, but we didn't care.

- Who's she hanging out with?
- Brianna's group over there.

- It's so tragic.
- Oh, my God. That is ridic.

I saw her this morning at the front gate
macking on with him in front of everyone.

Yeah, she's a slut.
Seriously, she's a slut.

And you know what? I don't even care
about Mitchell anymore.

- He can, like, do whatever.
- Yeah, fair enough.

Seriously, that guy has, like,
the smallest dick I've ever seen.

- Did you actually see it? How small?
- Yeah.

Oh, my God, so, like, what did you
guys do while I wasn't here?

- Like, what did you talk about?
- Um, nothing...

Just been talking about
how much we missed you.

How much is everyone
looking at me now? It's so obvious.

- Yeah, there's...
- Hi, Ellie. Ellie!

Oh, my God.

Anyway, I just love being a rebel.

- It's really good.
- Yeah.

It's good to just be able to,
like, express myself.

It's like I feel that this is, like,
my true self. Do you know what I mean?

Like, private school girls
are such sheep.

Be original for once in your lives.
Well, not you guys but, like...


Oh, my God, Ja'mie,
you look amazing!

I fucking missed you so much!
Oh, my God.

- How fucking good do I look, seriously?
- You look ridiculous.

You know you're gonna get
caught out, though?

Care factor.

So why is your dad here? I saw
him before. He was near the office.

- My dad's here?
- Yeah. Literally just saw him before.

- He was near the office.
- Seriously, it was definitely my dad?

- Yeah.
- That's weird.

- Did he tell you he was coming?
- No. What's he doing here?

I don't know...

- What are you doing here?
- Don't act all innocent, Jamie.

- You know what you've done.
- What?

I've seen the video.

What video? I don't know what
you're talking about.

- What video?
- You know.

I don't.

Jamie, you exposed yourself
in front of a black boy on Skype.

Then you've gone
and posted it on Facebook!

I did not post anything
on Facebook,

seriously. I have not posted
anything on Facebook.

You have got your chest out
on Facebook, Jamie.

I'm so ashamed, man.
I can't even look at you right now.

I don't know what
you're talking about. Oh, my God.

I kicked out the black guy.
He's gone.

No! Dad! You can't kick him out. Why
did you kick him out? You're an idiot

I don't have time for your
shenanigans, OK? He's gone.

If you seriously kicked him out,
I fucking hate you forever.

Sir, if you just let me explain...
Courtney hacked into my Facebook

and posted the video
without my permission.

Like, it was a private video.
No-one was supposed to see it.

And I didn't even know the African
had filmed me doing it.

- It's, like, her fault for doing it.
- It's down now. I took it straight down.

- It better be.
- It was only up for, like, two minutes.

- Courtney...
- Bitch.

Where did the video come from?
Both of you, please.

Where did the video come from
and how did you get hold of it?

- Stole it off me.
- It was on my computer, in my room.

And the African must have recorded it
while Ja'mie was flashing him.

So I thought it might be funny to pretend
I was her and post it on her page.

- How did you get into my page anyway?
- I worked out your password - 'Mitchell'.

- Little bitch.
- Jamie, control the language.

She's breaking the law.
You can't hack into people's pages.

This is a serious issue.

I haven't seen this video,
and I'm not sure I really want to.

Ms Welham, I understand
you've seen it, though?

Yes, it was forwarded to me.

Now, from what I've heard, this is
a recording of a Skype conversation

in which your breasts are exposed,
the young man's genitals are out,

he's playing with himself,
you are in your full school uniform

and you're singing the school song.
Is that correct?

Well, I haven't seen the video,
as I said so...

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie,
don't muck me around.

Did you partake in an activity
with that young man?

- Yes, I did.
- Thank you.

After everything I've done
to bring you up well.

- I'm appalled at this.
- Of course you are.

You know, the two of you
are just as bad as each other!

- I'm disgusted, man.
- Good.

Do you understand, Jamie,
how damaging this is

to the school reputation
if this video leaked any further?

Yes, I know, Miss. That's why
I would never have posted it.

Such a stupid, dumb
fuckin' little bitch.

- Hey, Jamie...!
- Stop using this disgusting language!

We're only here because she broke
into my Facebook and posted it.

We at Hillford have an impeccable
track record and reputation

as one of the state's leading
girls' education facilities.

This sort of thing can be
catastrophic to a school like ours,

not to mention the spin-off effect
to the Anglican Church.

And not only have you jeopardised
your reputation and your entire future,

you've put Hillford Girls Grammar
at serious risk in making this video.

The press would have
an absolute field day with this.

So I think it's really important
that we're clear

and sure that this video goes no further,
that no-one else sees it.

I took it straight down and it was
only up for a couple of minutes, and...

- Yeah, heaps of people saw it.
- No, it only got, like, three views.

- Both of you. Both of you...
- She saw it.

I want the video destroyed.
I want every copy deleted.

- Are we clear?
- Yes, sir.

Thank you.

You can be assured I will be taking
action to discipline them.

- Thank you.
- No more computers.

- As if.
- No more friends over.

Grounded for the rest of the year.

You're not grounding me.
Seriously, I'm not two.

And also no more
schoolies week to Bali.

No. There's no fuckin' way
you're cancelling Bali.

- It's off, Jamie.
- Dad, no way!

I would stop with the attitude
right now, Jamie.

You are in serious,
serious trouble.

And get those
ridiculous earrings off.

All jewellery off.
You're the School Captain.

Jamie, you could have destroyed
all your dreams.

Your plans to do well in HSC,

your plan to do aid work
in Africa during your gap year,

and right now, your chances
of winning the Hillford Medal.

So is this gonna affect my HSC?

Due to your impeccable
track record up until now,

I am willing to overlook this
incident with no further punishment,

so long as we are guaranteed
that the video is gone.

It's definitely gone, Miss.
I'll definitely get rid of it.

I just feel really bad doing it.

Jamie, tears are not gonna change
anything or help any of us.

Sorry, sir.

I'm sorry.

So hang on. Your tits are out,
in school uniform,

and you're singing the school song
on Skype?


That couldn't be a worse list
of things, Ja'mie.

Why didn't you just go into his room
and suck him off or something?

Yuck! As if I would do that.

And why the hell were you singing
the school song?

Because he sang me this like Ugandan
traditional song. It was really cute.

So I wanted to sing him something of
mine, so I sang him the school song.

With your tits out,
while he was jerking off over you.

- Yes...
- I love you, bebs, but you're a freak.

- Shut up.
- And you have to show me this video.

Not for your tits,
but I wanna see him doing his thing.

- Oh, my God, here's our driver.
- That's our car...?

How the hell are you paying
for this, Ja'mie?

- Dad's AmEx. Bye, everyone.
- Bye. Bye, Ja'mie. Text me, OK?

- I love you so much.
- Seriously, ILY.

I love you. I love you so fucking
much. Seriously.


- There he is.
- Yeah.

- Do I look good?
- Yeah, you look hot. Good luck, bebs.

Alright, you wait over there.

Hi. Kwami, hi.

I can't believe my dad kicked you out
Come talk.

Seriously, I'm legit devs about it.

How are you feeling about it?
Are you sui?

Like, suicidal or what?

I want to stay.

Um... Well, you can't.
Like, did you hear what happened?

Like, do you know how,
like, we did that Skype sesh

where, like, I had my tits out
and you had your dick out?

Well, you must have recorded it
because my bitch of a sister

put it up on my fucking Facebook
and then, like, my whole school

finds out about it,
my dad finds out about it

and, like, it seriously
almost ruined my whole future.

I love you.

Yeah, cool.
I love you too.

Um, anyway, so it's...

OK, awkies.
That was really weird.

Um, yeah, obviously I love you too,
but it's not, like, love love.

I love you, Ja'mie.

Thank you. Um...

Obviously I think
you're cute but I'm not...

Like, are you seriously in love
with me or what?


Um... OK.

Like, you're cute but obviously, like,
we're different in some ways so...

- Oh, my God.
- I want to stay with you.

In your room, in your bed.

OK, well, that's not gonna happen.

Um, you realise I just came here

to, like, tell you
why you got kicked out, that's all.

Um... OK, whoa.
It's getting a bit rapey.

Um, I'm gonna just be really clear
with you.

No offence, but you are really povo,

you live in the Western suburbs
and you're black.

And I am... this.

So, obs, it's never gonna work out
between us.

Like, I just reckon you should stick
with your own people.

Like, there must be some hot girls,
like, your style around here.

And to be really honest,

the only reason
I let you stay with me

is because I wanted to win
the Hillford Medal. So... soz.

I love you so fucking much.

Um... cool.

I probably should go.

Um... And... Yep, cool.

Can you...

Codes, can you please come over?

Um, yeah, that's cool.

I probs won't be on Skype for a while
because I'm banned from using it

'cause my dad's banned me so...
chats whenevs, or not for a while.

OK, catch you later. Um...

Fucking hell. That was the most awkward
thing in my whole fucking life.

- He was all, like, touchy with you.
- I know. I think he gets it, though.

I'm sick of the drama, you know?

Like, I just wanna, like, enjoy
my last week at school.

- Enjoy Muck-Up Day.
- Muck-Up Day's gonna be so much fun.

When do you find out about
the Hillford Medal again?

The Hillford Medal's announced
on Muck-Up Day. Friday.

Seeing the African really makes me
wanna see that dick shot again.

- Is it on your phone?
- It's in my dick pic album.

And so your time at our college
has come to an end

and may the Father, Son and Holy
Spirit be with us all ever more.

- Amen.
- Amen.

That concludes this morning's
Valedictory service.

I would now like to ask all Year 12s
to please be upstanding

and to file out of the chapel
for the very last time.

And, guys, if you're planning on
signing your leaving jersey today,

remember not to get any ink
or pen marks on your dress

because you'll need it
for Presentation Day. Thank you.

I'm so emoti.

Let Muck-Up Day begin!

Oh, my God. Wait till I say.
Wait till I say. Wait, wait.

- OK. Go, go.
- Oh, my God.

Boys, come here!

- Shoot, shoot, shoot!
- Oh, my God.

Quick! Get them!
They're hiding behind the tree.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Don't! Don't!

Oh, my God!

- Retreat, retreat, get back.
- Oh, my God!

We need to get more toilet paper.

Oh, my God.
Get more eggs. Are there more eggs?

Guys, there's Mitchell.

Oh, my God. I don't want him to see me.
I don't. Don't let him see me.

Seriously, I don't want Mitchell
to see me.

- Hi, Mitchell! Come on, quickly!
- I don't want him to see me.

This is embarrassing.

- Is Ja'mie there?
- Yeah. She's hiding from you.

- Hi, Ja'mie.
- Ja'mie.


Hey, check your phone.

- What?
- Why?

Show us, show us.
What is it? What did he say?

- Oh, my God. It's a dick pic.
- Oh, my God.

- Yeah. That's his dick.
- Oh, my God.

Hold on, let me see,
let me see, let me see.

Yeah, it is, but like he just thinks
he can send me a photo of his dick...

- He probably wants you back.
- Yeah, like I'm gonna want him back.

Oh my God...

That's why he's doing it.
He wants me back.

- Yeah, that's true.
- It's disgusting.

Like, he's trying to cheat on Madison
in the same way that he cheated on me

- It's, like, gross.
- That's so wrong.

Seriously, I couldn't get back with
him anyway 'cause I'm grounded.

Do you reckon Madison knows he's being
such a slut and sending you that?

Um, I don't know.
I should probably tell her but...

- Yeah, you should tell her.
- Yeah.

- It's the decent thing to do.
- Better than what she did for you.

Like she should know
what her boyfriend's doing.

- Yeah, exactly.
- You gotta be the better person.

- Hi, Madison. How are you?
- Hi.

Um... Sorry to be the one to tell you
but I just thought I'd let you know

that your boyfriend
just sent me a dick pic

and he said that he wants me back
as his girlfriend.

So... just letting you know.

What the fuck?

I'm serious.

Are you fucking serious?
Are you telling me the truth?

- Yeah. I'll show you the picture.
- What the fuck?

Oh, my God.
Yep, that's definitely his dick.

Show me the message saying
he wants you back. Show me that.

I wouldn't wanna
put you through it.

Anyway, he said some really bad stuff
about you too.

- What did he say?
- He said you were a really bad kisser.

And he said that uh... you've got
a really annoying voice.

- Really? My voice is annoying?
- Yeah. It's really annoying.

Um, and he also said
that... you were really flat

and that you tell bad jokes

and that you've got this back acne

that makes him wanna gag
every time he touches it.

Are you fucking serious?
What a fucking arsehole!

- I can't believe he said that.
- I know.

- You should probably dump him.
- Yeah, of course I'm gonna dump him.

What a dickhead. I can't believe
he said all of that stuff!

- I'm so fucking embarrassed.
- I know... Are you OK, Madison?

Um, he also said that you smelt too,
which I wasn't gonna say but... he did.

God, I'm so mortified right now.
Oh, my God.

I know. You would be.

I just think we should

forget about boys
and, like, put friendship first.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, if you're willing to,
I'd like to put the past behind us

and just, like, get on
with being friends again

'cause we're really good friends. Like,
we're both really hot and we're both...

You know, we've been BFFLs
for the whole of Year 12

so why would we throw it all away?

Would you have Ja'mie back
as your bestie?

Come on. Be my best friend again.

- Yeah, OK. Oh, my God, I've missed you!
- I fucking love you so much.

Oh, my God, it's been so bad
not being your friend

and Brianna's group is so fucking

- I know.
- I fucking hate those bitches.

Seriously, the love I have for you
is so fucking big.

I know. I feel it too. Oh, my God.
I love you so much, Ja'mie.

I fucking love you.

If I died, loving you would be the
best thing that's ever happened to me

- Oh, my fucking God.
- Prefect promise.

Prefect promise! I fucking love you.
Let's just go and enjoy Muck-Up Day.

It's the last day at school
of our whole lives.

- Let's go and do some crazy shit.
- Oh, my God!

- I'm so glad we're friends again.
- Oh, my God!

We'll go to the lockers
and we'll tell everyone.

It's gonna be the best day ever.

There's, like, toilet paper,
eggs and shit.

Sucked in, Year 7s!

Little bitches!

Stupid little bitches!

This is for being a bastard to us
for six years.

Let's go! Oh, my God!

How fucking good was today?
Oh, my God, it was so good.

I'm so emoti about today.
What did you write, bebs?

I wrote you're the quichest girl
at school.

Oh, my God, I love you
so fucking much. Mwah!

- Oh my God.
- I know...

Today's been so good.

Oh, my God, girls! It's, like,
five minutes till the final bell!

Oh, my God.

Guys, it's the final bell
of our whole lives!

- I'm gonna cry so badly!
- Same.

- Oh, my God.
- Ja'mie. Shut up. Look.

Oh, my God, isn't he doing the
sculpture for the Centenary Centre?

- Why is he talking to Erin?
- I don't know.

I know. It's so great.

Um, Erin? Who's the guy
that you were talking to?

Um... he's the sculptor for
the Centenary Centre sculpture.

Yeah, why were you
talking to him?

I found out I'm gonna be
the recipient for the Hillford Medal

and they want to do a cast
this afternoon for me.

- Did you tell Ja'mie about the dance?
- No...

I get to do my dance solo at Presentation
Day as well. They just told me.

It's really good news,
isn't it, Ja'mie?

Presentation Day's gonna be
so awesome.

Dancing AND the Hillford Medal.
I'm so excited.

Shame it's not gonna be you, Ja'mie.

I wouldn't be so sure
if I was you, bitches.

- Let's go.
- What the fuck...?

- I currently want to kill myself.
- No, Ja'mie...

After everything I've done
for you two as School Captain,

this is a massive slap in the face.

It came down to
that essential criteria

and you did not fulfil
what was required.

Your behaviour lately has been
less than desirable, Jamie.

We did try to warn you about this
but you chose not to listen.

I don't know how you could
even think

we could consider you for the Hillford
Medal after that terrible video.

To be quite frank, you're
very lucky we didn't ask you

to leave Hillford altogether.

I'm gonna suggest something to you two
and you might wanna listen very carefully

'cause this is a very serious threat.

OK, if you two don't give me
the Hillford Medal,

I might be forced to put that video
online for everyone to see.

The video of me with my tits out, singing
the school song, in my school uniform,

in my Hillford uniform with my
Hillford logo all over the internet.

So you're prepared
to put your reputation out there?

Media is gonna see it.
What are you gonna do?

what are you gonna do about it?

If that's your attitude, we can bring your
relationship with Hillford to a close now.

We'll sign the papers
and you can walk out the door.

My parents are paying school fees
so... good luck trying to do it.

That means no exams, no HSC,
no ATAR, no university.

- You can't do that.
- Changing your future enormously.

Is that a risk you really
want to take? Oh, yes, we can.

You can't because my parents
pay the school fees.

My parents are your bosses.

I do not appreciate
being bribed by a student, Jamie.

I'm not bribing you.
I'm just telling you.

the Hillford Medallist is chosen.

Done deal.

And I don't appreciate you
accusing us of being unjust.

What I'm accusing you of

is awarding the Hillford Medal
to a dumb fat lesbian,

when the most incredible student
to grace your fucking playground

is being completely ignored and treated
like she's the scum of the earth.

The language
is not gonna change the deal.

It's because I'm having
a relationship with an African.

I'm choosing to have
an interracial relationship

and you guys can't handle it
because you're so fucking racist.

You don't even realise
how fucking racist you are.

That's such an immature thing
to say, Jamie.

I should be reporting you
to the newspapers.

I should tell
the fucking Sydney Morning Herald.

Everyone should know
that you're a racist institution.

I'm sorry I don't go out
with a white guy.

- You are clearly very upset.
- I'm not.

What we're doing here
with the Hillford Medal

has nothing to do
with your private life at all.

I think what you need to do
is get over it.

- Face things like an adult.
- Get over yourselves.

Things don't always work the way
you want them to. That's life.

What you need to do
is act like an adult,

focus on the things that you really
have achieved here at Hillford,

doing well in your exams and leaving all
this ridiculous nonsense behind you.

Sir, Miss...

I'm a winner.

I can't put this behind me.

JA'MIE: Next time on
Ja'mie: Private School Girl.

Welcome to the stage the winner of
the Hillford Medal - Erin Walker.

Are you disappointed
you're not getting the medal?

- No, 'cause I've got a plan.
- What do you mean?

- It's gonna be fucked up.
- Bebs, you're twisted.

- OK, this is it.
- Breathe. Just breathe. You'll be fine.

Prefect promise.

I'm trying to get my word out

and I'm getting silenced
by the school administration.

No-one fucks with me
and gets away with it.