James May: Oh Cook! (2020–2023): Season 2, Episode 6 - Picnic - full transcript

What better way to celebrate summer that with a sumptuous selection of classic picnic recipes?Sausage rolls to animal shaped scones, scotch eggs to coronation chicken-a-la-May, all the ingredients are here for a summertime feast.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
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Hello, viewers. You join me once again
in the kitchen of Oh Cook!

It's time for you to grab
your itchy blanket,

your bottle of dandelion and burdock
and your cagoule,

because we're having a picnic.

♪ ♪

Hi, fridge.

That's right, today...

- [Nikki] Wow.
- ...come rain, come shine.

Oh, I like that.

...we'll be puzzling...

What the bloody hell
has happened to that?



...judging...

[James] Holy crap,
it's disgusting in here.

...and rejoicing.

We are back with a sausage.
How about that?

♪ ♪

Now, no British picnic
would be complete

without a comedically huge sausage roll.

We're going to up the game a bit.

We're going to make a chorizo,
pork and mozzarella sausage roll.

And this starts, inevitably,
with sausages.

♪ ♪

Along the way,
the sausages will be joined by

some ready-rolled puff pastry,

125 grams of grated mozzarella cheese,



half a teaspoon of white pepper

and 100 grams of chorizo slices.

If you start with sausages,
you have to deskin them.

Slit the casing, peel that away

and, um, get the sausage meat
from out the middle.

This is 600 grams, by the way,
of sausage,

and I have already done most of them.

Thought I'd just leave this one because
that way you can share in my discomfort.

Oh, yeah, that was a nice big bit.

Here we go. There's the last bit.

Right, they are in the bowl.

Next, in goes the...

Cheese.

...along with the white pepper,

before it's all given
a good old mix around.

Okay. Right,
now we need to make these,

what were once sausages and are now
a ball, back into a sausage of sorts.

I'm going to take from the fridge...

hi, fridge... my pre-rolled pastry,

which is obviously gonna become
the case of the sausage roll.

Shall I clear away
those bits of sausage skin?

'Cause they look absolutely foul,
don't they?

-Agreed?
- [Tom] Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Something similar to that
happened to my face once

when I fell asleep on a beach in L.A.

Okay, sausage meat.

James, don't forget about the chorizo.

- No, that goes on there.
- [crewwoman] It doesn't...
No, he doesn't do it yet, that's later.

- He's doing the sausage roll here.
- [Tom] All right, fine.

[quietly] The chorizo goes in there.

- Sorry.
- Tell him... Get a picture.

- Wrong.
- [laughter]

Thank you.

Right, later on, we'll be putting
some chorizo on there,

but not yet!

Let's talk about the origins
of the word "picnic," which comes,

it is believed, from the French,
the French expression "pique-nique"

in which "pique,"
ironically enough,

means "to nick"
or "pilfer" or-or "snatch."

So you "pique" a "nique."

And a "nique" is an inconsequential thing,
like a snack or a nibble.

Um, then obviously that got bastardized
into English as "picnic."

This has to go into the fridge
to chill for a bit

whilst I deal with the... the chorizo,

which goes on the pastry, yeah?

I should have done that
maybe slightly more in the middle.

If I do that and twirly, twirly, twirly,
we are back,

having started with sausages,

we are back with a sausage,
how about that?

Going to annoy the editors by only opening
that door so the camera doesn't see me.

[mouthing]

Now, we take the chorizo.

I'm going to overlap these pieces
very slightly,

but the big excitement is to come,
which is when

I try and turn it into a neat parcel.

What we need now is either some rain
or two and a half billion wasps

and the experience will be complete.

Despite these mortal perils,
plucky Britons picnic

over 100 million times a year.

And that's why I'm honoring them
with today's menu.

Anyway, sausage meat chilled,

it's time to start egging the pastry.

Egg, egg, egg.

Here we go. Are we ready?

The sausage becomes a roll.

[singsongy] Rolling, rolling, rolling.

What the bloody hell
has happened to that?

[groans]

This is actually stickier
than that glue they used to use

to put the reduced stickers
on the covers of my books in book shops.

You can never get those buggers off.

[knocking]

- Hello, Nikki.
- [Nikki] Hi.

- Have you got a little... Ah, you have.
- I have.

Some flour in your hand already in a bowl.

I had a slight, um...
The sausages, all the sausage meat

and mixing up
and the chorizo worked well,

but the pastry was very sticky, I think
'cause I let it get a bit too warm.

[Nikki] It's just too warm in here.

Shall I cool it and then crimp it?

Crimp it with a bit of flour on it.

- Better?
- [James] Yes.

This is gonna go in the fridge

to cool off for about half an hour
before we put it into the oven.

- Nikki, say hello to fridge cam.
- Hello, fridge cam.

- Are we putting it in the fridge?
- Yes.

Oops. Thank you.

- Shall I clear up?
- Yes, thank you.

Next, we're going to make...
What should we do next?

Scotch egg or coronation chicken?

- Potato salad.
- Potato salad.

♪ ♪

Right. This is a very light potato salad.

Some of you will be alarmed to learn
that there is no mayonnaise

or salad cream in it.

It will, though, have four spring onions,

a tablespoon of gherkins,

a tablespoon of capers,

some fresh dill

and 500 grams of
cooked redskin potatoes

cut into small chunks.

We'll make the dressing bit first.

This is three tablespoons of olive oil,

a tablespoon of red wine vinegar

and one tablespoon
whole grain mustard,

and I will whisk that together a bit.

It almost certainly needs
a little bit of salt in it.

I will stick my finger in it and test it.

"Delicious," said Rumble.

Right, we need to prepare...
Ooh, that is... Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Spring onions.

I use my special magic
remove-your-finger knife.

Haven't had any breakfast today 'cause
I got up slightly late, to be honest,

'cause I was up rather late watching
the football, the women's football.

The final of the Euro '22
Women's Football Championship,

which we won, beating Germany,

uh, two-one, final goal in extra time.

Hope my German friends are watching.

Do you want to watch me chop these up,
or is it a bit boring?

[Tom] No, might as well.
You're there. Right.

This is quite a coarse chop.

Left to my own devices, I put,
uh, you know, some music on

and probably spend half an hour on this.

♪ ♪

After stretching that out
for as long as I can,

I'll do the same with some capers
and toss them all together

in a bowl with my redskin potatoes
and a pinch of dill.

Um, there you go, a very light,

mayonnaise-free British potato salad.

Half an hour has passed,
miraculously.

We can take the sausage roll...
the giant sausage roll,

the enormous sausage roll...

out of the fridge.

And now we can deal with its imperfections
and glaze it and present it.

So, the first thing I'm going to do is

I'm going to take that knife and...

Can you spin it slightly so I can see it?

- [laughs]
- I mean the sausage roll.

[James] Oh.

Fair enough.

[laughter]

- Are we ready?
- [man] Mm-hmm.

Following... See, this is much easier now
that the pastry has cooled down again.

Much nicer.

Look at that. Lovely.

We're going to give the whole thing
a fairly generous egg wash.

This will help it go nice and crispy
when it bakes in the oven.

Isn't it amazing to think that we eat

the eggs of a chicken, of a hen?

It always strikes me
as a strange thing to do.

I-I think drinking milk is odd.

I'm not aware of other animals

being suckled by, effectively,
a different species.

There, look at that.

And now we're going to make
a little crisscross pattern on it.

It helps the pastry puff up.

That is the biggest sausage roll
I have ever seen.

I mean, that is... that is almost vulgar
in its enormousness-ness,

but, hey, it's a picnic.

This is what it looks like
before it goes in the oven

for half an hour on 190 degrees fan.

Whoa. Jesus, that was close.

It's important to put it
in the correct oven,

i.e., the one that you've turned on.

There it is. Popped in the oven.

♪ ♪

I am going to make coronation chicken,
because why wouldn't you?

No picnic is complete without it.

The ingredients are some yogurt,
some mayonnaise,

some black cardamom, uh,
commercially available curry powder,

mango chutney, chicken, obviously.

There's gonna be
a squeeze of lemon in it.

And finally, we have
some organic apricots.

Coronation chicken, of course,

invented in 1953 for the Coronation
of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II...

- [James] God rest her.
- ...who apparently did actually eat it

at the Coronation feast,
along with some cold rice salad.

I'll start by putting the yogurt
in the bowl along with the mayonnaise.

Then it's time to add the mango chutney,

curry powder,
black cardamom

and a little squirt of lemon juice

before chopping and adding the apricots.

This is like my childhood in a bowl.

We've actually roasted
a small chicken for this.

I'm pulling it apart

so that there's plenty of area
for the coronation juice to attach to.

Fold your chicken bits in,

and you will know
when the proportions are about right.

The good news here, viewers,
and I really did hope this would happen,

is that there's just slightly
too much chicken

for this coronation chicken bowl,

which means, sadly, that little bit there
is gonna go to waste, unless...

Right. That's done.

Yes, many of you will be saying,
"Well, you can't have a picnic

without a Scotch egg."

You're absolutely right.

Um, so we're going to make a Scotch egg,

again, with a little twist.

And the twist is...

[gasps]

It's a Spam Scotch egg.

It's a new idea,

but everything was a new idea once.

Along with the titular Spam and eggs,

our Spam Scotch eggs
will feature raw sausage meat,

thyme, parsley,

a teaspoon of English mustard powder

and 100 grams of dried bread crumbs.

And now we have
the regular comedy moment:

How do you get the Spam
out of the tin?

Now, I learned...
I learned it from Nikki, to be honest...

that if you put the tin of Spam
in the fridge,

it comes out more easily.
Is this true?

It's coming away from the sides,
but it hasn't come away from the bottom.

[Nikki] What about a can opener?

[James] Well, you can...
Should we try?

Actually, we-we've got a...

- Where's our tricksy electrical
labor-saving can opener?
- [Nikki] Ooh.

- There it is.
- There it is.

[whirring]

Wow.

Can it do a sharp corner?

- Yes, it can.
- Yes, it can.

Oh, I like that.

[James] How does it know
when it's got to the end?

[Nikki] I don't know.
Maybe it just keeps going.

[whirring stops]

Oh, did you hear its
little death throe there? [grunts]

[Nikki] Danger.

- No, no, it's done it.
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't cut your finger.

It's done it,

and now it is no longer
stuck to the bottom.

- So... ta-da.
- [Nikki] Brilliant.

[James] I'm going to grate
and chop the Spam

so I can add both flavor and texture
to my sausage meat.

Okay, all that can go in there,

together with some moutarde,

a black pepper.

This is the thyme going in now.

We're gonna have to knead all this
together to make the sausage meat,

- which is going to go around the eggs.
- Do you want me to roughly chop
some parsley?

[James] Roughly chop
some parsley, roughly.

- Do you want a gin and tonic?
- Pardon?

- That's a brilliant idea.
- Yeah.

What I'm doing is I'm try...
I'm lingering over this

in the hope that you will go ahead

and mash up the sausage meat
with your fingers,

- 'cause...
- Would you like me to mash up
the sausage meat?

Yes, please.

Hi. We're out of tonic.

Does that mean
I have to go into your cupboard?

[Nikki] Yes, into my fridge.

Dun-dun-dah!

Don't be messing with things.

In the fridge at the top.

- [James] Holy crap.
It's disgusting in here.
- [laughs]

I'd like to introduce Clare,
who you can see in the background,

- who is Nikki's Nikki.
- Hi.

So Nikki has a Nikki,
and Nikki's Nikki

also has a Nikki called James.

It gets very confusing.
Do you know, Nikki's Nikki Clare,

- where the tonic water is?
- [Clare] Tonic water?

- I think it's in the door, there. Yes.
- Oh, there. Yes, thank you.

- Sorry about that.
- No problem.

See you, Gary.

[laughter]

- There you are, madam.
- Thank you very much.

- Oh, the coriander as well.
- A little sprig of coriander in it, yes.

♪ ♪

Now it's time to make these eggs
Scotch eggs,

starting with the sausage meat.

[Nikki] Pop an egg in the middle
and then give it a good old roll around

to make sure it's all sealed up.

- [James] I have a complete one.
- [Nikki] Me, too.

[James] Then bread-crumbing,
which entails rolling them in flour

before dipping them in some beaten egg

and finally rolling them in bread crumbs.

Now they can go in the 1980s
deep-fat fryer for about eight minutes.

Make sure the temperature is pretty low,
about 150 degrees,

and turn every so often
to ensure they cook evenly,

then put them on some kitchen roll
to drain.

Oh, I'm just gonna pop this in the oven,
just for a few minutes.

- Okay.
- Just for them to rest and dry off.

♪ ♪

We're going to make hummus,
which is an idiotic idea

because it is, of course, available
from all the main supermarkets

at a very, very good quality
and at a very reasonable price.

But this is Oh Cook!, not Oh Shop!

I'm going to make
three different hummuses,

which will all stem from
the basic government-issue hummus.

And for that,
I'm going to use 250 grams of chickpeas,

which I've soaked overnight
before cooking,

being careful to keep the water.

I'll add two cloves of garlic

and 100 grams of tahini.

You have the zizzer...
the big zizzer... here.

We chuck all the chickpeas in there.

Most of them, anyway, apart from
that one that went on the floor.

And then to that,
we add two cloves of garlic.

Tahini paste goes in there as well,

and then the juice of half a lemon.

So, those are all the ingredients
of the basic hummus.

[Tom] Sorry, mate, um,
what were you saying, Mark?

- A good pinch of salt.
- [Tom] Good pinch of salt.

I was gonna do that later,
if it's not salty enough.

- [Tom] No. Put some in now.
- Do we... [groans]

[Tom] Yeah, commit, commit to it.

[laughter]

Well, I've been told to put some salt in.

I was gonna put the salt in later,
but everybody else seems to think

salt must go in.
I mean, we haven't tasted it yet.

You don't know, but I'm putting it in.
If it's too salty, it's your fault.

Anything else you'd like me
to put in there?

Empty Coca-Cola can?

Cuddly toy?

Here we go. Pulsing.

Are you ready for the zizzing?
It's action-packed.

[whirring]

By this point,
you'll have an idea of

whether or not you'll need to add

any of the reserved chickpea water.

I'm just gonna put a bit in now.
I know I'm gonna have to.

[whirring]

Oh, yes.

Mmm.

That's the pecorino again.

I say "again."
The last time we drank it

may be in the next episode, who knows?

Now, as I said, we're gonna make
three different types of hummus.

That is standard hummus.

That is the hummus you would get

if the Department of
Trade and Industry made it.

And with this, I'm going to mix

a splash of artisan West Country gin,

because I'm not sure anybody's
ever done that with hummus before.

So, let's try a small sip,

and then I'm gonna mix it up
with the... the little whisk.

[Tom] James, can we just quickly
talk about the pronunciation of

what I thought was called "hoommus,"
and now you're calling hummus?

I would say hummus.
"Hoommus"? Hummus?

We mustn't get it confused with "earth,"
which is a very similar word

but with not as many M's in.

Would you say it some other way?

[overlapping chatter]

[Tom] Should we do a show of hands?

- Okay, who thinks it's "hoommus"?
- It's not a bloody democracy, but go on.

Okay, who thinks it's "hummus"?

Would you prefer me to now say

[airily] "hoommus"?

[Tom] Yeah, not in that way.

Right. I'll introduce that pronunciation

next time I have to use
the word "hummus."

- [laughter]
- Okay?

But the next thing I was going to do
cements its identity

as a gin-flavored hummus,
"hoommus," "ha-mmus."

Watch this.

♪ ♪

A little dribble of olive oil, like that,

and then sprinkle it
with bits of chopped cucumber,

which is the sort of thing you might put
in a gin and tonic on a nice summer's day.

Right, there's the gin...

hummus, "hoommus."

For our next iteration,
I've been softening some onions

in butter for about 40 minutes,

and I'm going to add about
three tablespoons of balsamic vinegar.

Don't need to heat those up again.

James, I think you have
to heat it up again.

No, you don't.

- Hmm? Right, okay.
- [director] Right, hang on.

[laughter]

Nikki only just made it to the door
in time,

'cause she wasn't in the garden.

Um, am I supposed to heat those onions
up again as I add the balsamic?

- Yeah, just... No. No, no, it's fine.
- Thank you.

- See, you're all wrong.
- [mouths "yes"]

If you heat it up,
it'll reduce down a little bit

and they'll become nice and sticky.

Fair enough.

- [clicking]
- Okay, who was right, then?

Mark Richardson is right. There he is.

- [overlapping chatter]
- Yeah, but last time...

last time you shot him,
it was a picture of him being wrong,

'cause he was wrong about the pastry.

So this time he's right.
There's a picture of Mark being right.

Obviously,
if you have a film crew in tow,

you'll need to double
all your cooking times.

So, in an impromptu change
to the advertised schedule,

I'm now leaving the onions to warm
while I carry on

with the, um... chickpea-based dips.

Right. The final one involves
that still being in the blitzer,

because I'm going to add beetroot
and turn this into a beetroot hummus.

Okay? There you go.

And then the lid can go back on that
and that can be zizzed.

- Take the spoon out, it's very important.
- [laughter]

Right, this will turn sort of pink.

[whirring]

- [indistinct chatter]
- Do you want a shot of that?

- Say when.
- Yeah, when.

[whirring]

That's still reducing,
that's going on there.

Here's my third and final bowl

for the pink beetroot version,

which is... that looks like Angel Delight.

And I'm going to garnish this with...
Hang on.

Oh, there's a slight blob of not...
Oh, sod it. It'll go on the bottom.

That looks like it should taste
of strawberries, but it really doesn't.

♪ ♪

I can now garnish this
with the obligatory olive oil,

some chunks of beetroot
and a sprinkle of pine nuts.

Finally, this one,
which I think is the best-looking so far,

is going to be topped
with the caramelized onions.

There you are.

Onion hummus,
gin with cucumber hummus,

and the beetroot hummus
with pine nuts on the top.

I'm now going to put those in the fridge.

I hope the camera's running in the fridge.

It's not even there.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

"Scons" or scones?

[various crew] Scones.

[other crew] Scons

Okay. I would say scones,
'cause I'm basically

a West Country boy,
but we go with "scons"

if it makes everybody happy.

Uh, we're going to make "scons" and jam.

And according to legend,
there is jam tomorrow.

Except there isn't, of course,
because it takes ages to make.

Or does it?

My special cheat's jam needs
only 400 grams of jam sugar,

400 grams of raspberries
and an oven set at 160 degrees.

Apparently,
if I stick these in here, thusly...

well, they're not gonna fit there...
like that and like that,

leave those for about 20 minutes,
mix them together,

we will have a usable quick jam.

Which is ample time to make my "scons"

starting by adding a pinch of salt
to 225 grams of plain flour,

along with two tablespoons
of baking powder

and one and a half teaspoons
of castor sugar.

I can then massage it all together
with 50 grams of cold butter.

You have to be like a cat.

You know, when a friendly cat gets on you
and it sort of tears

your expensive new shirt
to pieces with its claws

because it loves you so much.

It's that sort of action.

There must be an interesting shot
in the garden

that we can cut to
whilst I do this.

I'm trying to think what's left.

Have we done that strange
oriental warrior cast in bronze

that's lurking deep in the bushes
on the right-hand side?

Let's have a look at that.

♪ ♪

Right, the jam has been in for seven
minutes, so I need to get on with this.

Let's put some milk in
and stir it together.

I might have to resort to doing this
with my fingers again

in a minute 'cause I prefer it.

In fact, yes, sod it.

That's almost there, actually.

I feel like I might not need
all of that milk.

Would you agree that's
a fairly presentable-looking dough?

[man] Mm-hmm.

[James] I'm going to ask Nikki
to assess that for me.

- I'll do it with...
- [knocking]

Hmm.

- Sweaty. Hi.
- [Nikki] You all right?

[James] Yes, I'm fine. Thank you.

Um, I wanted you to assess my dough.

Assess your-your scone dough?

- I didn't quite put all the milk in
'cause I felt it was there.
- No.

That's-that's good.
Let's get that out of the bowl.

- Okay.
- [James whistling]

[James] Invigorated by Nikki's approval,
I'm going to roll my dough out

to about 20 millimeters thick.

- There you go. Happy with that?
- Yeah.

[James] The dough is ready for cutting.

And for that, I have a cutter.

- That looks good, doesn't it?
- [Nikki] Mm-hmm.

[James] For this last bit of pastry,
I'm going to just reroll it,

because I found something remarkable
in Nikki's drawer with gadgets

and extra items down there.

What did you find?

I, well, I just found it
and I quite fancied it.

- [laughs]
- This-this pastry cuter
in the shape of a lion.

Or possibly a lioness.

Because I just thought if we made
one scone in the shape of a lioness,

it would help us to remember...

the victory of the England women's team

over Germany in the final
of the 2022 women's Euros.

So, I thought
that's a little tribute to them.

There you are.

- Lioness scone.
- [Nikki] Lion scone.

♪ ♪

[James] How about nice little egg glaze
before they go in the oven?

And they should take about,
what do you think,

- 12 minutes, 15 minutes?
- 12 to 15 minutes.

[James] Meanwhile,
our cheat's jam is ready.

Now, all we've done so far,
and only for 20 minutes at that,

is heat up raspberries and sugar.

And now if I pour that over there,
what's the idea?

That this will all go molten?

[Nikki] Yes, if you stir it, I'll hold it.

Oh, it's working. Can you see this?

- Can you see this, Becs?
- Yeah.

That's interesting. I thought
the sugar would melt in the oven,

but it didn't,
it's not quite hot enough, is it?

It's jam sugar,
so it's got, like, extra pectin in it.

- Pectin, yes, and that will also mean
that it sets when it cools, doesn't it?
- [Nikki] Yes.

[James] Now we've got to add
the lemon juice. Okay.

- [Nikki] And that's it.
- [James] Okay.

Okay, so we've got a jar here.

Using the Spam mitt,
quickly and confidently.

- Ooh. Should we let it cool a bit first
before we close the lid?
- I think so, yes.

Otherwise we'll end up
with a physics experiment, won't we?

There you are, though.
Quick cheat's jam.

Jam today. That should start to set.

Um, we need about
another seven minutes.

Ooh, they are working, though.
Look at that.

What should we look at
whilst those finish baking?

Are there any bumblebees in the garden?
There are lots of flowers.

There was one earlier.

Let's see if you can get a shot of
a bumblebee.

That's a nice challenge for you,
there, Gary.

[buzzing]

Yes, I know it's a honeybee.

We don't have the budget
for a bumblebee.

I'm not David Attenborough.

Right, those scones are just about ready,

and it would be nice to think
that Nikki could make us

a Pimm's to go with this.

[knocking]

- [Nikki] Hello.
- [James] Hello.

I don't suppose you could knock us up

a couple of glasses of Pimm's,
could you?

- Pardon?
- Oh, genius. Thank you.

Um, I'm ready to take out the scones.

Look at those.

[giggles]

- Can you do it?
- No, I can't do it.

- I need something to go underneath
with a...
- I'll help you.

We need this for them to cool off.

We'll put those over.
Look at the lioness.

Look at those. Right,
whilst those cool down,

which is going to take ten minutes or so,

I thought we could get out
all our other picnic ingredients,

'cause we haven't actually
tasted anything yet...

- That's true.
- ...and we don't know if they're
any good. So should we do that?

Yes. Cheers. Happy picnic day.

Yes. Cheers. Happy picnic.

♪ ♪

Let's start with the hoommus.

There's our onion one,
the beetroot one and our gin one.

- Beautiful.
- I'm gonna try this one first, then.

Nice texture. I like the onions.

- Beetroot.
- Mm-hmm.

Try and get... Yeah.

Mmm.

That's nice, too.

- Mmm. Mmm.
- It's much sweeter.

[Nikki] I'm gonna try cucumber
with this one.

You can definitely taste the gin
and lemon.

- I can taste lemon.
- Mm-hmm.

- God, it does taste of gin.
- Mmm.

[James] Next is our coronation chicken,

garnished with some toasted
flaked almonds and coriander leaves.

That is delicious.

- So rich.
- Mmm.

- Oh, God, that is well good. Mmm.
- That is really good.

[James] And now
our fun-size sausage roll.

Shall I just cut off one small slice,

and then we'll cut it in half and try it?

[Nikki] Definitely.

- [Nikki] All the cheese
running out of it.
- [laughter]

Is it empty?

[Nikki laughs]

- Oh, yeah, the sausage has shrunk a bit.
- [Nikki] Okay.

- Nobody likes a shriveled sausage.
- No.

[laughter]

[James] There you go.
That's a piece of sausage roll.

♪ ♪

It's rich and dense,
and it's really tasty.

- Mmm, that is... Oh, God, yeah.
- Really good.

And, in fact, you'd eat the whole thing,

- actually, wouldn't you?
- Mm-hmm.

[James] As long as it was there,
you would keep eating it.

- Okay, I bring Scotch eggs.
- Ooh.

- [James] They are huge.
- [Nikki] Huge.

[James] There's gonna be
a lot of Scotch around this egg.

- Oh...
- [Nikki] Look at that.
And look, you can see the Spam.

Yeah, you can see the Spam.
Get that in your face.

- In my face?
- In your face.

- Mmm.
- Can you taste the Spam?

Not sure I can actually taste
the Spam by itself.

- But you know it's there.
- But it's a really nice taste.

[James] The penultimate dish
is our potato salad.

Mayonnaise and salad cream-free.

After you, please.

♪ ♪

What do you think?

I think that with that is going to be...

- absolutely spot-on. Yeah.
- Sensational.

♪ ♪

[James] Finally, it's our scones
with the jam on first.

We're not anarchist, for God's sake.

- That's...
- That's not very elegant,

- I'm afraid, but it...
- Doesn't matter. It's bad.

We've chosen our lioness to sample.

Start at head or ass?

[laughs]

- I don't know how to answer that.
- I'm gonna start at head.

- [James mutters] Mmm.
- That's really delicious.

That's wicked.

♪ ♪

Look at that, a perfect picnic.

Ideal for a blazing August afternoon.

It's that smell, though,
of rain on a hot picnic blanket.

- It's really nice, isn't it?
- It's lovely.

- Just keep going.
- Yeah.

♪ ♪