Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 5, Episode 11 - J2 Revised - full transcript
The Chans recover half a mystical object. It is stolen, Jade follows the thief through a portal where she encounters her adult self.
Ah. No dragons,
no demons, no worries.
I hear ya, t.
Complete dullsville.
Worst vacation ever.
Jade, uncle and I
are going snorkeling.
Guess I'll go too.
Maybe I can find some sunken
treasure or something.
Um, why don't you stay
on shore with tohru?
My feet could use
coat of sunblock.
No offense,
but I'd rather kiss a sand crab.
Check it out!
Kung fu frisbee! Hee-yaa!
- Huh?
- (Chuckles) Little help?
(Groaning)
(Grunting)
Jade?
(Groaning)
(Gasps)
(Screams)
Jade! You weren't supposed to...
Oh, why do I bother?
I knew this wasn't
really a vacation.
So, what's the 411 on
the big blue marble?
No marble.
One half of the arcanum of chi
created by ancient wizard madjo.
When reunited with
its other half,
it becomes a powerful relic,
increasing any chi spell, ten-fold.
(Grunts) Got it!
- (Rumbling)
- (Gasps)
(Roaring)
- Bad day!
- Bad day!
Bad day!
(Roaring)
Ancient chi master must
have cast protection spell.
- What was your first clue?
- (Both screaming)
Uncle! I'm short-handed!
(Both screaming)
(Chanting)
Uh-oh. Blowfish waterlogged.
(Roaring)
Jade! Uncle!
(Exclaims)
(Grunts)
(Roars)
(Both gasp)
(Panting)
- Uncle Jackie!
- (Coughing) Jade, wait!
(Screams)
(Roaring)
(Gasps)
Now this is a vacation.
Uh, okay if I sit here?
An alternative location for
your posterior is advisable.
(Laughing)
Jade: I think this
belongs to you.
- Thanks, Jade.
- Tough day?
More like every day.
I don't fit in with anyone.
I'm such a freakoid.
If you wanna meet
some real freakoids,
Uncle: Orb half was hidden in
watery, cold location
representing yin chi.
Other half must be in earthy,
hot location, representing Yang.
Location spell will
reveal exact whereabouts.
Tohru, begin!
Jackie's the world's most
kick-butt archeologist.
Uncle's a chi wizard and the big
guy's tohru, uncle's apprentice.
My research suggests the final
ingredient is essence of ginseng.
(Groans)
(Sneezes)
(Groans) I will never
be a chi wizard.
A chi wizard must learn from
defeats as well as victories, tohru.
(Sneezes)
Aw, gross!
Hi, unc. Got a tissue?
Aiya! Jade knows uncle does
not like being spied on!
I was just giving my
friend Jimmy the vip tour.
Sorry. The smoke made me...
(Sneezes)
(All gasp)
- Got it!
- (Uncle exclaims)
Arcanum, ancient magical
relic, not pop fly!
Come, uncle.
We will take the orb to
section 13 for safe keeping.
It was nice to meet you,
Jimmy, and good catch.
Is uncle always that cranky?
No. He is in a particularly
good mood today.
- (Hissing)
- Huh?
(Rapid footsteps)
(Gasps)
Unless uncle Jackie
went spandex,
looks like section
13's got a thief.
Whoa! Whoa! A chi blast?
(Chanting)
(Gasp) Time portal!
(Screaming)
(Grunting)
Whoa. New and improved.
We gotta be talkin'
the future here.
(Grunts)
(Both gasp)
- Jade?
- What are you doing here?
This is my time, duh!
What's your story?
Some guy snagged
the arcanum of chi.
I chased him through a time portal
and, babamo, here I am.
Iso!
(Beeping)
- No sign of him now...
- Time out. Who's iso?
Only numero uno on section
13's most wanted list.
So why are we standing here?
Let's go track down the bad guy.
Two jades are better than one.
Love to, but no can do.
No can what?
Captain black's
put me on desk duty
for "unauthorized use
of a magical item",
"resulting in destruction
of public property."
(Scoffs) Like he never blew up a donut
shop with a dragon talisman before.
Hmm. No prob.
I'll do some solo re-con until
you can come out to play.
So, where does iso hang?
Intel suggests his lair is somewhere
in the pavilion mall area...
Wait, what am I saying?
If captain black finds you here,
I'll wind up a section 13 janitor.
We have to send you
back to your own time.
Jade, we brought your favorite,
triple black bean burritos.
Thanks.
Time hoppin' gives me
the major munchies.
All: Jade?
Aiya! Young Jade and older Jade?
Uncle has deja vu
all over again.
Jade, explain.
Both: Iso stole our half of
the arcanum of chi in the past
by using a time portal spell.
So I followed him through when
he escaped back to the future!
No...
please, one Jade at a time.
Aiya! Why would iso go to
so much trouble, unless...
Unless he has discovered the location
of the other half of the arcanum.
Jimmy: Sensei?
- Jimmy?
- Jade?
Uh, how come there's a...
Which one is the...
Both: Time portal spell.
But what are you doing here?
I'm tohru's apprentice,
he's a full chi wizard now.
Way to go, big t!
And you too, Jimmy.
I owe it all to you
for introducing us.
Captain black: Agent chan!
Hide! Now!
Gentlemen.
Jade, I need you asap.
Yes, sir. I'm aware of
iso's recent break-in and...
Iso? Here? Nothing unusual
popped on the security grid.
I'll organize a team to
make a sweep immediately.
Almost forgot.
Copy and collate these.
Yes, sir.
Jade... Jade? Where did she go?
Shopping for a bad guy.
Hello. May I interest you in a
beautiful handmade mirror, today?
- No, thank you.
- (Whirring)
Look out!
A hologram hard sell. Freaky!
Whoa! Jade, check it out.
The mirror lady's
totally virtual.
Come on, Jade, it's go time, as in
you have to go back to your own time.
- What about finding iso?
- Not our problem.
What happened to you?
You used to rock!
Think I like pushing
papers all day?
I don't, but this is my job
and captain black is my boss.
You have to grow up
sometime, Jade.
Speak for yourself!
(Beeps)
- Uh-oh. What's happening?
- (Alarm blaring)
I'm not sure.
(Both screaming)
(Loud thud)
(Door opens)
Both: Phew!
Spell books, potions,
major funky mojo.
- This has to be...
- Both: Iso's lair!
(Blowing)
- The arcanum!
- (Both gasp)
Both: Whoa!
(Grunts)
Iso: This must be my lucky day.
What a bargain,
two jades for the price of one.
(Screams)
Hee-yaa!
(Groans)
(Grunts) Timber!
(Groans)
Both: Nice work.
- Maybe we lost him.
- (Explosion)
(People screaming)
Maybe not.
Hop on.
(Chanting)
Dark chi coming up fast.
(Screaming)
(Roaring)
(Gasps)
- We can't out run it.
- I have an idea. Follow me!
(Roaring)
I sure hope you know what
we're doing 'cause I don't!
Climb!
(Screaming)
(Screaming)
Emergency exit!
I am very proud of you both.
The time portal spell is ready.
So it's save the day and don't let
the door hit you on the way out?
- Harsh.
- Captain black: Jade!
(Grunts)
I suppose congratulations
are in order.
- Well, it was nothing really.
- You're too modest.
Who else could destroy an entire
shopping mall in a single afternoon?
Captain black, believe me, I know Jade
does not always follow the rules, but...
I'm sorry, Jackie.
Jade, you're like family,
but enough is enough.
Turn in your badge,
you're fired.
- You can't do that!
- Jade?
(Stuttering) I'm sending you both
home, immediately.
(Sighs)
Jade, wait! Whoa!
- Jimmy, what are you...
- Jade, just listen.
I figured out a spell to locate
the other half of the orb.
(Chanting)
Whoa! That's eagle's peak,
a dormant volcano
just outside the city!
Jimmy, you're a genius!
You up for a little
rock climbing?
Me? I'm not a field agent.
But if I were,
and I needed to do something
major to win back my job...
I knew there was a
reason we became friends.
Jade, we have to talk.
Shouldn't you be hurtling back
through the time continuum about now?
Doesn't matter, if you'll excuse
me, I have to pack up my stuff.
Okay, be all mopey,
but I know where to find the
other half of the arcanum.
- Whoa!
- I'm listening.
(Grunting)
Hello, beautiful.
(Screeching)
That madjo wizard. must have cast a
protection spell over this half too!
Duh!
(Grunts) Whoa!
That pigeon needs a manicure.
We are so outta here!
- Repel!
- (Both screaming)
Between those boulders!
(Screeching)
I like the way you think.
Of course! The other half of
arcanum was atop volcanic mountain!
Yang location, earthy and hot!
Well done, uncle.
Uncle was not responsible.
Tohru?
- Actually it was...
- Jimmy: Me.
It took me over 10
years of research,
but now I'm going
to reap the rewards.
"Reap the rewards?"
Jimmy,
what are you talking about?
Actually, call me... Iso!
(All gasp)
(Grunting)
(Chanting)
Aiya! Tohru, your apprentice
has been seduced by dark chi!
Oh, this is all my fault!
No, I owe it all to Jade.
She introduced us.
Both: Our bad.
Since I never fit in with any
cliques, it's time to create my own!
(Chanting)
Whoa.
Go low!
(Grunting)
(Grunting)
(Screaming)
(Grunts)
Uncle! Do something!
The arcanum is too powerful.
Must first find
Jimmy's weakness.
Don't ever call me Jimmy again.
Aiya!
Both: You thinking
what I'm thinking?
T, the time portal spell!
Need it!
(Grunting)
- Now?
- No time like the present!
Secure all exits!
Don't worry, captain black.
I'm not going anywhere.
Once I level this dump,
no one will able to stop me.
(Chanting)
(Growling)
(Grunting)
He has an endless army of isos.
- How do we stop him?
- Magic must defeat magic.
Hold the line.
Uh, excuse us, big t, gotta talk to
Jimmy, it's kinda personal.
Tell me what scares
you the most.
Aw, I knew it!
You're just like all the rest.
Well, if you think I'm gonna tell
you how to torture me, forget it.
- Seriously, we haven't got time for this.
- Hey.
(Grunts)
Welcome to the future. Come on.
(Grunting)
That's me.
- Do I rock, or what?
- What about me?
You're more like disco.
(Grunting)
(Chanting)
I'm the bad guy?
Way bad,
but you don't have to be.
Heights. I'm afraid of heights.
Right. That's why you didn't get
your backpack out of that tree.
Or climb eagle's peak to grab
the other half of the orb.
Iso tricked us into doing
his dirty work for him!
(Grunting)
Talismans! Get your talismans!
(Meowing)
(Chanting)
(Grunting)
Hee-yaa!
(Screaming)
(All gasp)
Got it!
Huh?
Iso: (Shuddering) Put me down!
If you insist.
(Screaming)
I may be a freakoid now,
but there's no way I'm turning
into a mega-loser like you.
Jade, I'm a big enough man
to admit when I am wrong.
Your old job's waiting
for you at section 13.
Yes, sir!
We won't let you down, cb.
I mean, she won't.
I know you won't.
This is such a relief, the filing
was really beginning to pile up.
Even with iso in custody,
I believe it will be safer to destroy
the arcanum back in your time, Jade.
Thanks for the reboot.
Guess I just needed a little kick in
the butt to start kicking butt again.
No prob. Hey, maybe I'll
come back and visit sometime.
All: No!
Aiya! Half orb missing!
Two halves are better than
one, I always say.
Jade, explain.
Hey, Jackie, do you ever wish
you could see into the future?
Oh, yes. I really hope I
can have this kind of power.
I can see the future.
I can predict what happens.
Then, I guess,
I believe I can save a lot of people.
no demons, no worries.
I hear ya, t.
Complete dullsville.
Worst vacation ever.
Jade, uncle and I
are going snorkeling.
Guess I'll go too.
Maybe I can find some sunken
treasure or something.
Um, why don't you stay
on shore with tohru?
My feet could use
coat of sunblock.
No offense,
but I'd rather kiss a sand crab.
Check it out!
Kung fu frisbee! Hee-yaa!
- Huh?
- (Chuckles) Little help?
(Groaning)
(Grunting)
Jade?
(Groaning)
(Gasps)
(Screams)
Jade! You weren't supposed to...
Oh, why do I bother?
I knew this wasn't
really a vacation.
So, what's the 411 on
the big blue marble?
No marble.
One half of the arcanum of chi
created by ancient wizard madjo.
When reunited with
its other half,
it becomes a powerful relic,
increasing any chi spell, ten-fold.
(Grunts) Got it!
- (Rumbling)
- (Gasps)
(Roaring)
- Bad day!
- Bad day!
Bad day!
(Roaring)
Ancient chi master must
have cast protection spell.
- What was your first clue?
- (Both screaming)
Uncle! I'm short-handed!
(Both screaming)
(Chanting)
Uh-oh. Blowfish waterlogged.
(Roaring)
Jade! Uncle!
(Exclaims)
(Grunts)
(Roars)
(Both gasp)
(Panting)
- Uncle Jackie!
- (Coughing) Jade, wait!
(Screams)
(Roaring)
(Gasps)
Now this is a vacation.
Uh, okay if I sit here?
An alternative location for
your posterior is advisable.
(Laughing)
Jade: I think this
belongs to you.
- Thanks, Jade.
- Tough day?
More like every day.
I don't fit in with anyone.
I'm such a freakoid.
If you wanna meet
some real freakoids,
Uncle: Orb half was hidden in
watery, cold location
representing yin chi.
Other half must be in earthy,
hot location, representing Yang.
Location spell will
reveal exact whereabouts.
Tohru, begin!
Jackie's the world's most
kick-butt archeologist.
Uncle's a chi wizard and the big
guy's tohru, uncle's apprentice.
My research suggests the final
ingredient is essence of ginseng.
(Groans)
(Sneezes)
(Groans) I will never
be a chi wizard.
A chi wizard must learn from
defeats as well as victories, tohru.
(Sneezes)
Aw, gross!
Hi, unc. Got a tissue?
Aiya! Jade knows uncle does
not like being spied on!
I was just giving my
friend Jimmy the vip tour.
Sorry. The smoke made me...
(Sneezes)
(All gasp)
- Got it!
- (Uncle exclaims)
Arcanum, ancient magical
relic, not pop fly!
Come, uncle.
We will take the orb to
section 13 for safe keeping.
It was nice to meet you,
Jimmy, and good catch.
Is uncle always that cranky?
No. He is in a particularly
good mood today.
- (Hissing)
- Huh?
(Rapid footsteps)
(Gasps)
Unless uncle Jackie
went spandex,
looks like section
13's got a thief.
Whoa! Whoa! A chi blast?
(Chanting)
(Gasp) Time portal!
(Screaming)
(Grunting)
Whoa. New and improved.
We gotta be talkin'
the future here.
(Grunts)
(Both gasp)
- Jade?
- What are you doing here?
This is my time, duh!
What's your story?
Some guy snagged
the arcanum of chi.
I chased him through a time portal
and, babamo, here I am.
Iso!
(Beeping)
- No sign of him now...
- Time out. Who's iso?
Only numero uno on section
13's most wanted list.
So why are we standing here?
Let's go track down the bad guy.
Two jades are better than one.
Love to, but no can do.
No can what?
Captain black's
put me on desk duty
for "unauthorized use
of a magical item",
"resulting in destruction
of public property."
(Scoffs) Like he never blew up a donut
shop with a dragon talisman before.
Hmm. No prob.
I'll do some solo re-con until
you can come out to play.
So, where does iso hang?
Intel suggests his lair is somewhere
in the pavilion mall area...
Wait, what am I saying?
If captain black finds you here,
I'll wind up a section 13 janitor.
We have to send you
back to your own time.
Jade, we brought your favorite,
triple black bean burritos.
Thanks.
Time hoppin' gives me
the major munchies.
All: Jade?
Aiya! Young Jade and older Jade?
Uncle has deja vu
all over again.
Jade, explain.
Both: Iso stole our half of
the arcanum of chi in the past
by using a time portal spell.
So I followed him through when
he escaped back to the future!
No...
please, one Jade at a time.
Aiya! Why would iso go to
so much trouble, unless...
Unless he has discovered the location
of the other half of the arcanum.
Jimmy: Sensei?
- Jimmy?
- Jade?
Uh, how come there's a...
Which one is the...
Both: Time portal spell.
But what are you doing here?
I'm tohru's apprentice,
he's a full chi wizard now.
Way to go, big t!
And you too, Jimmy.
I owe it all to you
for introducing us.
Captain black: Agent chan!
Hide! Now!
Gentlemen.
Jade, I need you asap.
Yes, sir. I'm aware of
iso's recent break-in and...
Iso? Here? Nothing unusual
popped on the security grid.
I'll organize a team to
make a sweep immediately.
Almost forgot.
Copy and collate these.
Yes, sir.
Jade... Jade? Where did she go?
Shopping for a bad guy.
Hello. May I interest you in a
beautiful handmade mirror, today?
- No, thank you.
- (Whirring)
Look out!
A hologram hard sell. Freaky!
Whoa! Jade, check it out.
The mirror lady's
totally virtual.
Come on, Jade, it's go time, as in
you have to go back to your own time.
- What about finding iso?
- Not our problem.
What happened to you?
You used to rock!
Think I like pushing
papers all day?
I don't, but this is my job
and captain black is my boss.
You have to grow up
sometime, Jade.
Speak for yourself!
(Beeps)
- Uh-oh. What's happening?
- (Alarm blaring)
I'm not sure.
(Both screaming)
(Loud thud)
(Door opens)
Both: Phew!
Spell books, potions,
major funky mojo.
- This has to be...
- Both: Iso's lair!
(Blowing)
- The arcanum!
- (Both gasp)
Both: Whoa!
(Grunts)
Iso: This must be my lucky day.
What a bargain,
two jades for the price of one.
(Screams)
Hee-yaa!
(Groans)
(Grunts) Timber!
(Groans)
Both: Nice work.
- Maybe we lost him.
- (Explosion)
(People screaming)
Maybe not.
Hop on.
(Chanting)
Dark chi coming up fast.
(Screaming)
(Roaring)
(Gasps)
- We can't out run it.
- I have an idea. Follow me!
(Roaring)
I sure hope you know what
we're doing 'cause I don't!
Climb!
(Screaming)
(Screaming)
Emergency exit!
I am very proud of you both.
The time portal spell is ready.
So it's save the day and don't let
the door hit you on the way out?
- Harsh.
- Captain black: Jade!
(Grunts)
I suppose congratulations
are in order.
- Well, it was nothing really.
- You're too modest.
Who else could destroy an entire
shopping mall in a single afternoon?
Captain black, believe me, I know Jade
does not always follow the rules, but...
I'm sorry, Jackie.
Jade, you're like family,
but enough is enough.
Turn in your badge,
you're fired.
- You can't do that!
- Jade?
(Stuttering) I'm sending you both
home, immediately.
(Sighs)
Jade, wait! Whoa!
- Jimmy, what are you...
- Jade, just listen.
I figured out a spell to locate
the other half of the orb.
(Chanting)
Whoa! That's eagle's peak,
a dormant volcano
just outside the city!
Jimmy, you're a genius!
You up for a little
rock climbing?
Me? I'm not a field agent.
But if I were,
and I needed to do something
major to win back my job...
I knew there was a
reason we became friends.
Jade, we have to talk.
Shouldn't you be hurtling back
through the time continuum about now?
Doesn't matter, if you'll excuse
me, I have to pack up my stuff.
Okay, be all mopey,
but I know where to find the
other half of the arcanum.
- Whoa!
- I'm listening.
(Grunting)
Hello, beautiful.
(Screeching)
That madjo wizard. must have cast a
protection spell over this half too!
Duh!
(Grunts) Whoa!
That pigeon needs a manicure.
We are so outta here!
- Repel!
- (Both screaming)
Between those boulders!
(Screeching)
I like the way you think.
Of course! The other half of
arcanum was atop volcanic mountain!
Yang location, earthy and hot!
Well done, uncle.
Uncle was not responsible.
Tohru?
- Actually it was...
- Jimmy: Me.
It took me over 10
years of research,
but now I'm going
to reap the rewards.
"Reap the rewards?"
Jimmy,
what are you talking about?
Actually, call me... Iso!
(All gasp)
(Grunting)
(Chanting)
Aiya! Tohru, your apprentice
has been seduced by dark chi!
Oh, this is all my fault!
No, I owe it all to Jade.
She introduced us.
Both: Our bad.
Since I never fit in with any
cliques, it's time to create my own!
(Chanting)
Whoa.
Go low!
(Grunting)
(Grunting)
(Screaming)
(Grunts)
Uncle! Do something!
The arcanum is too powerful.
Must first find
Jimmy's weakness.
Don't ever call me Jimmy again.
Aiya!
Both: You thinking
what I'm thinking?
T, the time portal spell!
Need it!
(Grunting)
- Now?
- No time like the present!
Secure all exits!
Don't worry, captain black.
I'm not going anywhere.
Once I level this dump,
no one will able to stop me.
(Chanting)
(Growling)
(Grunting)
He has an endless army of isos.
- How do we stop him?
- Magic must defeat magic.
Hold the line.
Uh, excuse us, big t, gotta talk to
Jimmy, it's kinda personal.
Tell me what scares
you the most.
Aw, I knew it!
You're just like all the rest.
Well, if you think I'm gonna tell
you how to torture me, forget it.
- Seriously, we haven't got time for this.
- Hey.
(Grunts)
Welcome to the future. Come on.
(Grunting)
That's me.
- Do I rock, or what?
- What about me?
You're more like disco.
(Grunting)
(Chanting)
I'm the bad guy?
Way bad,
but you don't have to be.
Heights. I'm afraid of heights.
Right. That's why you didn't get
your backpack out of that tree.
Or climb eagle's peak to grab
the other half of the orb.
Iso tricked us into doing
his dirty work for him!
(Grunting)
Talismans! Get your talismans!
(Meowing)
(Chanting)
(Grunting)
Hee-yaa!
(Screaming)
(All gasp)
Got it!
Huh?
Iso: (Shuddering) Put me down!
If you insist.
(Screaming)
I may be a freakoid now,
but there's no way I'm turning
into a mega-loser like you.
Jade, I'm a big enough man
to admit when I am wrong.
Your old job's waiting
for you at section 13.
Yes, sir!
We won't let you down, cb.
I mean, she won't.
I know you won't.
This is such a relief, the filing
was really beginning to pile up.
Even with iso in custody,
I believe it will be safer to destroy
the arcanum back in your time, Jade.
Thanks for the reboot.
Guess I just needed a little kick in
the butt to start kicking butt again.
No prob. Hey, maybe I'll
come back and visit sometime.
All: No!
Aiya! Half orb missing!
Two halves are better than
one, I always say.
Jade, explain.
Hey, Jackie, do you ever wish
you could see into the future?
Oh, yes. I really hope I
can have this kind of power.
I can see the future.
I can predict what happens.
Then, I guess,
I believe I can save a lot of people.