Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 3, Episode 3 - Viva Las Jackies - full transcript
The search for the tiger leads to Las Vegas. Jackie has a unique situation when the tiger separates.
Hey, mahoney, what is that?
Some kind of monkey puppet.
"To free me of glitches
"and put you in stitches,
"this merry ape begs
pull my leg."
(Evil laugh)
The monkey king is back!
Mucho thanko for
the leggo yanko.
Mahoney?
Wax him up once a week
to keep his shine up.
Now tell me,
man to mandrill,
know where I can find these two?
Who are they?
(Manic cry)
They are the ones who
chucked me back to woodville
and tried to cement my fate.
Me,
the maharaja of monkeyshines!
But the last laugh
will be on them...
'Cause it's payback time!
(Evil laugh)
Uncle: A little bit more to the
left, tohru.
Now raise your right leg.
Hot-cha!
Uncle has reception!
The monkey talisman.
Its power.
You destroyed the talismans.
Now let us hope
this locator spell
will reveal the whereabouts
of the animal who
possesses this power,
before the forces of
darkness can find it.
(Chanting)
Aha!
The signal is strong.
Hmm...
Interference.
Tohru!
I have not moved, sensei.
What?
Whoa!
Daolon wong!
(Hisses) You are in my soup!
Our locator spells
have intersected.
I will seize control of the chi
waves, novice.
My power is far greater than...
Eeeeeeee!
One more thing:
(Blows raspberry)
One more thing:
(Blows raspberry)
One more thing:
Urghhh!
I have blocked daolon wong's
access to our chi wavelength,
but I do not know for how long.
Hopefully long enough for
us to beat daolon to...
Hawaii?
That is where we will
find the noble monkey
who now holds the
power of shapeshifting.
Uncle: We must
leave immediately!
(Straining) Shall I
stay and watch the shop?
Sensei?
( Helmut and ulf theme àplaying)
(Humming)
(Groans)
Uhh!
Uuuuhhhh!
Sumo, ho!
(Gasps) Not you again.
Tell me where your pals
are, puny,
or I'll harpoon a whale!
Uh, they're gone, uh, far away.
How far?
They did not say.
(Imitates buzzer) Wrong answer!
(Gong)
(Laughs) That was not funny.
Huh? I don't amuse you?
Not funny? Not funny?
I'm the grand pooh-bah of ha-ha!
Tell me where I
can find your pals,
or I'll show you "not funny."
Nurse.
Oh, please,
anything but that.
No, no, no, no!
No!
No!
(Crazed laughter)
Uncle,
I am beginning to feel foolish.
Monkeys are not even
indigenous to Hawaii.
And if the monkey has
the shapeshifter power,
how do we know it's
even a monkey anymore?
Why do you both question uncle?!
To find the monkey
in any shape or form,
you must feel the
power within the peel.
But I do not feel
any powerrrr...
Brakes!
Brakes!
Hello.
Status report?
I do not think he is a monkey.
Ahem. I am ambassador
shimizu of Japan.
(Monkey squeaks)
This is a monkey.
Cute!
Thank the nice man for the
banana, haiku.
(Belches)
Uh, Mr. ambassador, sir,
it is, uh, vital that we
take possession of your pet.
What? Haiku is a very
rare breed from hokkaido.
Mm-hmm. Noble.
Uh, yes, uh,
that is why some very
bad men are after him.
Jackie!
(Gasps)
Aiyaa!
Who ate my locator spell?!
Oh.
Wha?
Did we say monkey?
We meant pigeon.
Oh!
Jackie!
Monkey's flying away!
Haiku?
How will we know
which one is haiku?
Duh.
(Kissing)
Birdy want a banana?
Got you!
Whoa!
Got...
(chuckles) Hello.
Jackie,
I had him eating out of my hand.
Ee! Ow! Oh!
Oh! Ee! Oh!
Don't take it personally.
Haiku doesn't know
you're trying to help.
No offense...
Ow!...Taken
perhaps we should find a way
to communicate with the beast.
How?
Haiku doesn't speak English,
and we don't speak monkey.
No problem!
I just happen to be bilingual!
(Evil laugh)
Nice chimp,
but why settle for
second banana when...
The king is back!
(Imitating Elvis) ♪ uh-huh ♪
Thank you very much.
Monkey talisman and monkey king?
Co-inki-dink?
(Gasps)
Forget monkey king.
We must catch monkey magic
before daolon wong does.
♪ Uh-huh ♪
Oh!
Leaving so soon?
(Chuckles) How have you
been, uh, Mr. king?
And how did you know
where to find us?
Let's just say someone
you know ratted you out.
Uhh! Aah!
Stop! Stop! Oh!
Please! Please! Make it stop!
Um, and you went to all the
trouble to see us... Why?
Let's see, maybe,
oh, a little something
I like to call...
Revenge!
So, you want a piece of uncle?
Haiku.
Come here, boy. Come on.
(Gasps)
(Tires screech)
Ohh!
Where's a banana
when you need one?
(Chanting)
Huh?
(Hums Beethoven's 5th
death knocking Melody)
Uhh! Uhh! No! Uhh!
Dwaaah!
Uhh!
Uh, you know, uh,
this isn't a very humorous
revenge for "the king of comedy."
Sweet simpering simian!
You have a point!
We're going to laugh
it up at a luau.
Ahem!
For the main course...
Hams a la chan!
(Imitating Groucho Marx) With a little
tenderizer for the old bird, of course.
And for the entertainment...
My tribute-to-pele fire dance.
(Chanting in native language)
Uh...
It's all right, folks.
All part of the show.
(Chanting)
(Chanting)
Get 'em while they're hot!
Haiku.
(Blowing)
Ole!
(Groaning)
And aloha, chuckles.
Oop!
(All gasp)
Hot! Hot! Hot!
Hang on, uncs! Uhh!
Jade! The monkey!
Right!
(All gasp)
(Applause)
(Spits)
Where's the little matador?
Bingo!
But who's bongo?
Uh...
Mahalo. And...
don't forget to tip
your waitresses.
(Gasps)
Time I buried you in cement!
(Gasps)
(Roar)
(Cheers and applause)
That upstart's
stealing my shtick!
Aw, he's nothing, folks.
If you want entertainment,
get a load of me!
I do animals, too.
(Whinnies)
Ta-da!
(Chirping)
(Chirping)
Wise guy!
(Cheers and applause)
Jade.
(tarzan yell)
(Gasps) (Gasps)
Sorry, gang,
but before I destroy you,
I'm going to destroy
the thing you love most!
(Evil laugh)
Anchors aweigh!
Monkeys can't swim, can they?
(Evil laugh)
(Evil laugh)
Wait here!
I'm sorry. I'll bring it back.
Thank you!
Sayonara, sea monkey.
(Cheers)
Release him!
Monkey king: Go fish!
Hey!
That was a figure of speech!
Uhh!
Uuuhhhhh!
Chim-chim's got a hot date,
and you've got a burial at sea!
(Evil laugh)
Ooohhh! Oh!
Bad wave! Bad wave!
Bad wave! Bad waaaavvve!
Rad!
(Groans)
Cowabunga.
Where's haiku?
Jade: The kilauea volcano.
Uh-oh.
My simian senses are tingling.
We want our monkey, monkey.
Oh, it's all about
him, isn't it?!
You think he's funnier than
me, don't you?
Uh, of course not.
Everyone knows that
the monkey king
is the funniest ape of all.
I do not think he's so funny.
Well, you'll really love
my weird sense of humor
when you and monkeyboy
are swimming in lava,
'cause I'm going to make
kilauea blow sky-high.
The monkey king cannot
activate volcanoes.
Just watch me, gramps.
I know a family recipe.
"Magic monkey syrup,
pure cane sugar,
"one carton of aged
goat milk..." yeech!
"An untuned Hawaiian guitar,
"a fine-tuned tuning fork,
a tuna on rye, hold the Mayo..."
talismon power, be mine!
Paws off the fur, Shakespeare!
I'm busy here!
Huh?
Ah...
That is the monkey I seek.
Soon to be monkey toast,
along with his pals.
Jackie!
Give me that!
And to the winner...
Uhh!
And to the loser...
Uhh!
Uhh!
Never thought I'd be rooting
for daolon wong over anybody.
Come on!
All: Oh!
On second thought,
go, monkey king.
Monkey king?
(Groaning)
Ah, I should have
recognized the antics
of the the famed prankster
puppet made flesh.
And I've got a payback gig
with an exploding volcano
finale that you're messing up!
So why do I see no lava? Ha ha!
(Mumbling)
(Gasp)
I'm still 3 pounds of
wood short of a gusher!
Then for your lousy spellmaking,
you shall return to wood.
Everybody's a critic!
Come on, buddy.
Say something, pal.
Anything.
Get your hand out of my
shirt, Mac.
And now, the shapeshifter power.
(Chanting)
(Chanting)
All: Whoa!
(Groaning)
Uhh!
The puppet.
3 pounds of wood!
Jackie: Giddy-up!
Whoa!
Uncle: Hot-cha!
Cha is not so hot.
Ptaah!
Cherry gelatin?
It's not banana flavored,
but I think it'll do.
Well, grab some to go.
We have to get him
back to section 13.
Jackie: It looks like the last
laugh is on the monkey king.
Hey, Jackie. Yes?
Was it hard to learn English?
Yes! Very, very difficult.
I learned from TV,
news, and documentaries.
Word by word,
just like a puzzle.
Now I... I know perfect cantonese,
of course, my mother's language,
mandarin, Chinese, shandonese,
ok English, Korean, Japanese.
You have to know more,
not just one language.
Not enough.
You have to learn second language.
You're proud of yourself.
Remember, learn more language.
Some kind of monkey puppet.
"To free me of glitches
"and put you in stitches,
"this merry ape begs
pull my leg."
(Evil laugh)
The monkey king is back!
Mucho thanko for
the leggo yanko.
Mahoney?
Wax him up once a week
to keep his shine up.
Now tell me,
man to mandrill,
know where I can find these two?
Who are they?
(Manic cry)
They are the ones who
chucked me back to woodville
and tried to cement my fate.
Me,
the maharaja of monkeyshines!
But the last laugh
will be on them...
'Cause it's payback time!
(Evil laugh)
Uncle: A little bit more to the
left, tohru.
Now raise your right leg.
Hot-cha!
Uncle has reception!
The monkey talisman.
Its power.
You destroyed the talismans.
Now let us hope
this locator spell
will reveal the whereabouts
of the animal who
possesses this power,
before the forces of
darkness can find it.
(Chanting)
Aha!
The signal is strong.
Hmm...
Interference.
Tohru!
I have not moved, sensei.
What?
Whoa!
Daolon wong!
(Hisses) You are in my soup!
Our locator spells
have intersected.
I will seize control of the chi
waves, novice.
My power is far greater than...
Eeeeeeee!
One more thing:
(Blows raspberry)
One more thing:
(Blows raspberry)
One more thing:
Urghhh!
I have blocked daolon wong's
access to our chi wavelength,
but I do not know for how long.
Hopefully long enough for
us to beat daolon to...
Hawaii?
That is where we will
find the noble monkey
who now holds the
power of shapeshifting.
Uncle: We must
leave immediately!
(Straining) Shall I
stay and watch the shop?
Sensei?
( Helmut and ulf theme àplaying)
(Humming)
(Groans)
Uhh!
Uuuuhhhh!
Sumo, ho!
(Gasps) Not you again.
Tell me where your pals
are, puny,
or I'll harpoon a whale!
Uh, they're gone, uh, far away.
How far?
They did not say.
(Imitates buzzer) Wrong answer!
(Gong)
(Laughs) That was not funny.
Huh? I don't amuse you?
Not funny? Not funny?
I'm the grand pooh-bah of ha-ha!
Tell me where I
can find your pals,
or I'll show you "not funny."
Nurse.
Oh, please,
anything but that.
No, no, no, no!
No!
No!
(Crazed laughter)
Uncle,
I am beginning to feel foolish.
Monkeys are not even
indigenous to Hawaii.
And if the monkey has
the shapeshifter power,
how do we know it's
even a monkey anymore?
Why do you both question uncle?!
To find the monkey
in any shape or form,
you must feel the
power within the peel.
But I do not feel
any powerrrr...
Brakes!
Brakes!
Hello.
Status report?
I do not think he is a monkey.
Ahem. I am ambassador
shimizu of Japan.
(Monkey squeaks)
This is a monkey.
Cute!
Thank the nice man for the
banana, haiku.
(Belches)
Uh, Mr. ambassador, sir,
it is, uh, vital that we
take possession of your pet.
What? Haiku is a very
rare breed from hokkaido.
Mm-hmm. Noble.
Uh, yes, uh,
that is why some very
bad men are after him.
Jackie!
(Gasps)
Aiyaa!
Who ate my locator spell?!
Oh.
Wha?
Did we say monkey?
We meant pigeon.
Oh!
Jackie!
Monkey's flying away!
Haiku?
How will we know
which one is haiku?
Duh.
(Kissing)
Birdy want a banana?
Got you!
Whoa!
Got...
(chuckles) Hello.
Jackie,
I had him eating out of my hand.
Ee! Ow! Oh!
Oh! Ee! Oh!
Don't take it personally.
Haiku doesn't know
you're trying to help.
No offense...
Ow!...Taken
perhaps we should find a way
to communicate with the beast.
How?
Haiku doesn't speak English,
and we don't speak monkey.
No problem!
I just happen to be bilingual!
(Evil laugh)
Nice chimp,
but why settle for
second banana when...
The king is back!
(Imitating Elvis) ♪ uh-huh ♪
Thank you very much.
Monkey talisman and monkey king?
Co-inki-dink?
(Gasps)
Forget monkey king.
We must catch monkey magic
before daolon wong does.
♪ Uh-huh ♪
Oh!
Leaving so soon?
(Chuckles) How have you
been, uh, Mr. king?
And how did you know
where to find us?
Let's just say someone
you know ratted you out.
Uhh! Aah!
Stop! Stop! Oh!
Please! Please! Make it stop!
Um, and you went to all the
trouble to see us... Why?
Let's see, maybe,
oh, a little something
I like to call...
Revenge!
So, you want a piece of uncle?
Haiku.
Come here, boy. Come on.
(Gasps)
(Tires screech)
Ohh!
Where's a banana
when you need one?
(Chanting)
Huh?
(Hums Beethoven's 5th
death knocking Melody)
Uhh! Uhh! No! Uhh!
Dwaaah!
Uhh!
Uh, you know, uh,
this isn't a very humorous
revenge for "the king of comedy."
Sweet simpering simian!
You have a point!
We're going to laugh
it up at a luau.
Ahem!
For the main course...
Hams a la chan!
(Imitating Groucho Marx) With a little
tenderizer for the old bird, of course.
And for the entertainment...
My tribute-to-pele fire dance.
(Chanting in native language)
Uh...
It's all right, folks.
All part of the show.
(Chanting)
(Chanting)
Get 'em while they're hot!
Haiku.
(Blowing)
Ole!
(Groaning)
And aloha, chuckles.
Oop!
(All gasp)
Hot! Hot! Hot!
Hang on, uncs! Uhh!
Jade! The monkey!
Right!
(All gasp)
(Applause)
(Spits)
Where's the little matador?
Bingo!
But who's bongo?
Uh...
Mahalo. And...
don't forget to tip
your waitresses.
(Gasps)
Time I buried you in cement!
(Gasps)
(Roar)
(Cheers and applause)
That upstart's
stealing my shtick!
Aw, he's nothing, folks.
If you want entertainment,
get a load of me!
I do animals, too.
(Whinnies)
Ta-da!
(Chirping)
(Chirping)
Wise guy!
(Cheers and applause)
Jade.
(tarzan yell)
(Gasps) (Gasps)
Sorry, gang,
but before I destroy you,
I'm going to destroy
the thing you love most!
(Evil laugh)
Anchors aweigh!
Monkeys can't swim, can they?
(Evil laugh)
(Evil laugh)
Wait here!
I'm sorry. I'll bring it back.
Thank you!
Sayonara, sea monkey.
(Cheers)
Release him!
Monkey king: Go fish!
Hey!
That was a figure of speech!
Uhh!
Uuuhhhhh!
Chim-chim's got a hot date,
and you've got a burial at sea!
(Evil laugh)
Ooohhh! Oh!
Bad wave! Bad wave!
Bad wave! Bad waaaavvve!
Rad!
(Groans)
Cowabunga.
Where's haiku?
Jade: The kilauea volcano.
Uh-oh.
My simian senses are tingling.
We want our monkey, monkey.
Oh, it's all about
him, isn't it?!
You think he's funnier than
me, don't you?
Uh, of course not.
Everyone knows that
the monkey king
is the funniest ape of all.
I do not think he's so funny.
Well, you'll really love
my weird sense of humor
when you and monkeyboy
are swimming in lava,
'cause I'm going to make
kilauea blow sky-high.
The monkey king cannot
activate volcanoes.
Just watch me, gramps.
I know a family recipe.
"Magic monkey syrup,
pure cane sugar,
"one carton of aged
goat milk..." yeech!
"An untuned Hawaiian guitar,
"a fine-tuned tuning fork,
a tuna on rye, hold the Mayo..."
talismon power, be mine!
Paws off the fur, Shakespeare!
I'm busy here!
Huh?
Ah...
That is the monkey I seek.
Soon to be monkey toast,
along with his pals.
Jackie!
Give me that!
And to the winner...
Uhh!
And to the loser...
Uhh!
Uhh!
Never thought I'd be rooting
for daolon wong over anybody.
Come on!
All: Oh!
On second thought,
go, monkey king.
Monkey king?
(Groaning)
Ah, I should have
recognized the antics
of the the famed prankster
puppet made flesh.
And I've got a payback gig
with an exploding volcano
finale that you're messing up!
So why do I see no lava? Ha ha!
(Mumbling)
(Gasp)
I'm still 3 pounds of
wood short of a gusher!
Then for your lousy spellmaking,
you shall return to wood.
Everybody's a critic!
Come on, buddy.
Say something, pal.
Anything.
Get your hand out of my
shirt, Mac.
And now, the shapeshifter power.
(Chanting)
(Chanting)
All: Whoa!
(Groaning)
Uhh!
The puppet.
3 pounds of wood!
Jackie: Giddy-up!
Whoa!
Uncle: Hot-cha!
Cha is not so hot.
Ptaah!
Cherry gelatin?
It's not banana flavored,
but I think it'll do.
Well, grab some to go.
We have to get him
back to section 13.
Jackie: It looks like the last
laugh is on the monkey king.
Hey, Jackie. Yes?
Was it hard to learn English?
Yes! Very, very difficult.
I learned from TV,
news, and documentaries.
Word by word,
just like a puzzle.
Now I... I know perfect cantonese,
of course, my mother's language,
mandarin, Chinese, shandonese,
ok English, Korean, Japanese.
You have to know more,
not just one language.
Not enough.
You have to learn second language.
You're proud of yourself.
Remember, learn more language.