Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 3, Episode 17 - Attack of the J-Clones - full transcript
Surveillance footage suggests Viper has returned to her old ways. But the J Team soon discovers, there's a duplicate. Someone is out to replace/destroy the J Team.
This is a little much.
Here, here. Kudos to the j-team!
El toro fuerte,
the masked wrestler.
Tohru, sumo-extra-ordinaire.
Viper, the former thief
turned museum's best friend.
And of course, the brains who
put the "j" into j-team...
Jade,
and her trusty sidekick Jackie.
Ahem. Huh?
I'm sorry, young lady,
the kid's corner
is right this way.
But I'm the fifth
member of the j-team!
Who do think wrote your copy?
Look, yade. Crayons!
Grr!
And it's Jade, paco.
Of course,
we are here to celebrate the j-team
and the stolen artifacts
they recovered.
So without further ado,
our newly reinstated
collection of Jade!
(All gasp)
But where's the yade?
It's been jacked. Duh!
And it's Jade.
Who wants to bet this
is the work of the creep
who stole the Jade
in the first place?
Seor Chang?
Not likely.
Chang's been doing hard
time in the federal pen
since you all put him there.
Well, if not captain hook, who?
The museum's surveillance
footage is about to tell us.
(Camera shutter clicks)
(Click)
(All gasp)
So, uh...
Who's the babe?
Really, I appreciate you guys
giving me the benefit of the doubt.
I'm sorry, viper.
You know I have no choice.
Tch. Hello?
Viper's a former thief,
accent on "former."
I have to admit
we have been through
too much with viper.
I cannot believe she would
resort to her old ways.
But the tape...
Viper's face...
Let me assure you:
My agents will be on this 24/7
until we uncover the truth.
Well, what are we waiting
for, team?
Let's get the
vipester off the hook.
Jade, what are we looking for?
A crumb, a follicle, an eyelash,
any little thing that'll
prove viper's been framed
for swiping the Jade.
Why was this Jade not stolen?
Because it would take a man
of my strength to lift it.
Then did miss viper
steal just the hand?
It was the only piece
of the collection
we were not able to recover.
Because it's still attached
to old Chang's elbow, paco.
Hmm.
A fine example of
pre-aztec lucha libre.
(Alarm blares)
All: El toro?!
What has gotten into you?
Hold this, por favor. Uhh!
You are in cahoots with viper?
Unh!
Not the stairs!
Uhh... uhh... uhh...
Uhh! (Crash)
(Growls)
(Gasps)
El toro?
A criminal?
Tch. Think again.
Uhh!
El toro, what are you doing?
The fuerte fandango.
Uhh!
Huuup!
I smell a rat in
bull's clothing.
El toro fuerte never
removes his mask.
Eww!
Whoa!
Uhh!
If he is a phony,
where is the real El toro?
(Muffled)
Huh?
Oh, boy.
So soon?
So that's why you
never remove your mask.
Just fooling, handsome.
A frame-up seems to be the
most logical explanation.
Why else go to the trouble of
creating such perfect imposters?
Even I could not
tell the difference.
Do you know what this means?
If there's a villain out there
who recognizes us as a team,
then we're big time!
Considering the evidence
acquitting viper,
I've decided to bring Chang in
for questioning after all.
He's the only one with a motive.
And what about the... Uh, mask?
(Sighs) Nada.
The lab says its
constituent parts
aren't based in any
science we know.
Then maybe it's
time to bring in...
The man from uncle.
Aiyaaa!
Uncle, I'm glad you...
What could be so important
that you drag uncle out
of mah-jongg tournament?!
I will pin all of
you to the mat.
With what arms, El fake-o?
We need your expert advice...
Aiyaaa!
Why did you not drag uncle
from tournament earlier?
This mask is clearly a
product of dark forces.
Really, captain black.
You pull me out of
prison to accuse me
of orchestrating a
plan from inside prison
that I couldn't possibly do
unless I was outside prison?
I'll ask the questions here.
What's the deal, Chang?
How are you pulling it off?
Come now, captain.
As much as I would enjoy
having revenge on the j-team
for retrieving the precious
Jade I worked so hard to steal,
you know my every
move is monitored.
I'm sure your people are even aware
of the flavor of my chewing gum.
What? Spearmint, Jackie.
No! His hand!
He has 2!
What are you talking about?
Chang has 2 hands
because that is
not really Chang.
It is his magical duplicate.
You mean we're
dealing with clones?
Aiyaa!
Who said anything about clowns?
We are facing forces more
powerful than the circus!
I regret to inform you
that your clone counterpart
has been discovered, sir.
Then it is time to
proceed to phase 2.
Is the next clone ready, yip?
Hmm. And in position
outside section 13.
Chang: Then one by one,
the j-team will be replaced
and eliminated.
So, are we off to the top-secret
meeting about the clones?
Jade, the meeting is
for team members only.
Right. Race ya there.
Hey, think I have a clone?
Duh!
Of course I do.
It's the only surefire way
for them to take out
the brains of the team.
Just what I need...
Another Jade.
Bwaa!
Oh.
I must have clones on the brain.
Hmm.
Was there always a mirror here?
Ha.
Uhh.
Blablabalbalabla.
Oh, silly me.
Hey, Jackie. Hello.
Oh! Ugh!
(Groans)
Daaahhh!
Going down?
(Blows)
Daaahhhh!
Do not worry.
You will not be missed.
Duplicates are imperfect.
They contain flaws like
Chang's extra hand,
but each is more powerful
than its human counterpart,
due to its magic.
Oh, we can take 'em, unc.
We'll face off in an
epic battle royale.
Human versus clone,
good versus evil,
Jade versus Jade.
You miss uncle's point!
Magic must defeat magic.
Look who decided to show.
Heh. Sorry I'm late.
Hmm, now one more thing.
We must be very watchful
for these defective duplicates.
(Breathes rapidly)
Uncle!
We must watch out for...
It is Jackie's clone!
Huh? No! Wait!
Ohh!
I am me!
He is not me!
Tricky clone, isn't he?
Which is the real Jackie chan?
I have a little quiz only
the real Jackie could answer.
Jackie, when is my birthday?
Oh, uh... Oh, uh...
Gee, Jackie.
I thought we were pretty good friends.
Ahem. Hey, Jackie.
Will you take me to
moose world this weekend?
Of course. Not!
You have homework.
There's your clone.
I'm sorry. I'll be back to
destroy you later. Thank you!
Not to worry.
Jackie's clone will lead
us right to Chang himself.
You see, I planted a little
tracking device on his...
Collar.
Cheer up, chief.
I managed to place a
tracker on the clone.
(Clears throat)
Then let's move out, team.
No one is moving out!
There may yet be
a clone among us.
A bit excessive,
don't you think?
Do you want duplicate to attack
uncle when it is discovered?
No? Then sit quietly.
Uh, viper,
did you always have that mole?
Hey, if you want to start...
Let us not accuse one another.
Any one of us
might be a clone...
Eh, except for me.
Hey!
Doesn't anyone think
I might be a clone?
All: No.
I'm not feeling the love here.
If a duplicate is among us,
fish will glow.
(Chanting)
If I were a clone,
would I know it?
Tohru is the only j-team
clone we have not encountered.
Then I am a clone.
(Sobs) I am so sorry.
Fish does not lie.
Ah, thank you, fish.
Excellente!
(Without accent) They
are not clones, Jade!
Um, what did you call me?
Your name, of course. Jade.
That's what I thought.
Let me see that.
(All gasp)
Paco has a clone, and I don't?
Way unfair!
We are. In great danger.
Paco, please. Say it is not so.
But it is,
and now I will destroy you all.
Mwa ha ha ha ha!
Ungh!
Uh, I'll be just a moment.
Ungh!
Unh, almost got it.
Uncle, how do you stop it?
Uncle has not yet
researched that part!
But, El toro,
you cannot harm me.
You are the greatest.
I cannot.
(Grunts) How about now?
(Gasps)
Whaaaaa!
Unh!
(Grumbles)
Uh, someone want to
help me with this?
Is that the best you have?
If this thing is a clone,
then where is the real paco?
El toro, where are you?
Looks like Chang's returned
to his old stomping grounds.
If seor Chang has harmed
one hair on paco's head...
He is big.
Jade clone, 10 o'clock.
Where?
Oh. You mean me.
Jade, we left you at
section 13 for a reason.
How did you find us here?
Tracking device.
(Grumbles) Tracking device.
Look!
Paquito.
How do we get past them?
Duh.
You think they can
tell we're not clones?
Remember!
Think like a clone.
(Robotic) I am tohru's clone.
Are you all right?
Uh, fine. You?
Master Chang requires
your presence.
We'll guard the hostage.
My brave hombre.
Jade, can you believe
even I have a clone?
Ha ha. Yeah. Pretty awesome.
How convenient.
The entire j-team in one spot,
which ought to facilitate
your group demise
rather nicely.
How did you do it, Chang?
Magic was never your m.O.
All it takes is a
little collaboration
with a master of the dark arts
and a grudge.
Clones!
Where's mine?
Ok, team. Let's rock!
What's the kid doing here?
(Sighs) She never listens.
Ok, team. What my clone said.
Grrr!
Hold it, big fella. It's me.
Oh, sorry.
Gotcha. Hee-yah!
Hi-yah! Oof!
Got you.
Wedginator!
Eep!
Raaah!
El toro: Grrrr!
Vaaah!
Aah!
Oof!
Wrong one!
Sorry.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello?
Jackie, I have devised
way to defeat clones.
Let me speak to my apprentice.
Uh, it is for tohru.
This is tohru.
Tohru, like the originals,
the duplicates are
naturally good.
An additional spell was
required to make them evil.
On an interesting side note...
Very compelling, but...
Ooh!
Uncle: Which is why your
mother has terrible manners.
Sensei, please. The spell.
Uncle is getting to that!
Maybe you didn't know
I'm a master of the
ancient art of butt whup.
Chi-yah!
Ha! Chi-yah!
Ha!
Whoa... ohh.
Maybe you didn't
know the original
is always better than a copy.
Ohh.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Ok, got it.
(Chanting)
All is quiet, sir.
Then the j-team is no more?
My clones are far more powerful
than their human counterparts.
Huh? Huh?
Jade and Jade clone: Let's
rock, team... wha!
Jackie and Jackie clone: Jade,
leave this to the grownups.
Ohh! Ohh!
The j-team has done it
again, Jade.
Both: Teams, paco. The j-teams,
and it's Jade.
Unh.
Just what I need.
Another j-team.
Hey, Jackie.
Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes and no.
Sometimes when I'm walking in a very
dark, dark place,
there's somebody...
just tell me the ghost story.
As long as I'm not
doing bad things,
always helping people...
Wherever I go,
I don't scare dark anymore.
Here, here. Kudos to the j-team!
El toro fuerte,
the masked wrestler.
Tohru, sumo-extra-ordinaire.
Viper, the former thief
turned museum's best friend.
And of course, the brains who
put the "j" into j-team...
Jade,
and her trusty sidekick Jackie.
Ahem. Huh?
I'm sorry, young lady,
the kid's corner
is right this way.
But I'm the fifth
member of the j-team!
Who do think wrote your copy?
Look, yade. Crayons!
Grr!
And it's Jade, paco.
Of course,
we are here to celebrate the j-team
and the stolen artifacts
they recovered.
So without further ado,
our newly reinstated
collection of Jade!
(All gasp)
But where's the yade?
It's been jacked. Duh!
And it's Jade.
Who wants to bet this
is the work of the creep
who stole the Jade
in the first place?
Seor Chang?
Not likely.
Chang's been doing hard
time in the federal pen
since you all put him there.
Well, if not captain hook, who?
The museum's surveillance
footage is about to tell us.
(Camera shutter clicks)
(Click)
(All gasp)
So, uh...
Who's the babe?
Really, I appreciate you guys
giving me the benefit of the doubt.
I'm sorry, viper.
You know I have no choice.
Tch. Hello?
Viper's a former thief,
accent on "former."
I have to admit
we have been through
too much with viper.
I cannot believe she would
resort to her old ways.
But the tape...
Viper's face...
Let me assure you:
My agents will be on this 24/7
until we uncover the truth.
Well, what are we waiting
for, team?
Let's get the
vipester off the hook.
Jade, what are we looking for?
A crumb, a follicle, an eyelash,
any little thing that'll
prove viper's been framed
for swiping the Jade.
Why was this Jade not stolen?
Because it would take a man
of my strength to lift it.
Then did miss viper
steal just the hand?
It was the only piece
of the collection
we were not able to recover.
Because it's still attached
to old Chang's elbow, paco.
Hmm.
A fine example of
pre-aztec lucha libre.
(Alarm blares)
All: El toro?!
What has gotten into you?
Hold this, por favor. Uhh!
You are in cahoots with viper?
Unh!
Not the stairs!
Uhh... uhh... uhh...
Uhh! (Crash)
(Growls)
(Gasps)
El toro?
A criminal?
Tch. Think again.
Uhh!
El toro, what are you doing?
The fuerte fandango.
Uhh!
Huuup!
I smell a rat in
bull's clothing.
El toro fuerte never
removes his mask.
Eww!
Whoa!
Uhh!
If he is a phony,
where is the real El toro?
(Muffled)
Huh?
Oh, boy.
So soon?
So that's why you
never remove your mask.
Just fooling, handsome.
A frame-up seems to be the
most logical explanation.
Why else go to the trouble of
creating such perfect imposters?
Even I could not
tell the difference.
Do you know what this means?
If there's a villain out there
who recognizes us as a team,
then we're big time!
Considering the evidence
acquitting viper,
I've decided to bring Chang in
for questioning after all.
He's the only one with a motive.
And what about the... Uh, mask?
(Sighs) Nada.
The lab says its
constituent parts
aren't based in any
science we know.
Then maybe it's
time to bring in...
The man from uncle.
Aiyaaa!
Uncle, I'm glad you...
What could be so important
that you drag uncle out
of mah-jongg tournament?!
I will pin all of
you to the mat.
With what arms, El fake-o?
We need your expert advice...
Aiyaaa!
Why did you not drag uncle
from tournament earlier?
This mask is clearly a
product of dark forces.
Really, captain black.
You pull me out of
prison to accuse me
of orchestrating a
plan from inside prison
that I couldn't possibly do
unless I was outside prison?
I'll ask the questions here.
What's the deal, Chang?
How are you pulling it off?
Come now, captain.
As much as I would enjoy
having revenge on the j-team
for retrieving the precious
Jade I worked so hard to steal,
you know my every
move is monitored.
I'm sure your people are even aware
of the flavor of my chewing gum.
What? Spearmint, Jackie.
No! His hand!
He has 2!
What are you talking about?
Chang has 2 hands
because that is
not really Chang.
It is his magical duplicate.
You mean we're
dealing with clones?
Aiyaa!
Who said anything about clowns?
We are facing forces more
powerful than the circus!
I regret to inform you
that your clone counterpart
has been discovered, sir.
Then it is time to
proceed to phase 2.
Is the next clone ready, yip?
Hmm. And in position
outside section 13.
Chang: Then one by one,
the j-team will be replaced
and eliminated.
So, are we off to the top-secret
meeting about the clones?
Jade, the meeting is
for team members only.
Right. Race ya there.
Hey, think I have a clone?
Duh!
Of course I do.
It's the only surefire way
for them to take out
the brains of the team.
Just what I need...
Another Jade.
Bwaa!
Oh.
I must have clones on the brain.
Hmm.
Was there always a mirror here?
Ha.
Uhh.
Blablabalbalabla.
Oh, silly me.
Hey, Jackie. Hello.
Oh! Ugh!
(Groans)
Daaahhh!
Going down?
(Blows)
Daaahhhh!
Do not worry.
You will not be missed.
Duplicates are imperfect.
They contain flaws like
Chang's extra hand,
but each is more powerful
than its human counterpart,
due to its magic.
Oh, we can take 'em, unc.
We'll face off in an
epic battle royale.
Human versus clone,
good versus evil,
Jade versus Jade.
You miss uncle's point!
Magic must defeat magic.
Look who decided to show.
Heh. Sorry I'm late.
Hmm, now one more thing.
We must be very watchful
for these defective duplicates.
(Breathes rapidly)
Uncle!
We must watch out for...
It is Jackie's clone!
Huh? No! Wait!
Ohh!
I am me!
He is not me!
Tricky clone, isn't he?
Which is the real Jackie chan?
I have a little quiz only
the real Jackie could answer.
Jackie, when is my birthday?
Oh, uh... Oh, uh...
Gee, Jackie.
I thought we were pretty good friends.
Ahem. Hey, Jackie.
Will you take me to
moose world this weekend?
Of course. Not!
You have homework.
There's your clone.
I'm sorry. I'll be back to
destroy you later. Thank you!
Not to worry.
Jackie's clone will lead
us right to Chang himself.
You see, I planted a little
tracking device on his...
Collar.
Cheer up, chief.
I managed to place a
tracker on the clone.
(Clears throat)
Then let's move out, team.
No one is moving out!
There may yet be
a clone among us.
A bit excessive,
don't you think?
Do you want duplicate to attack
uncle when it is discovered?
No? Then sit quietly.
Uh, viper,
did you always have that mole?
Hey, if you want to start...
Let us not accuse one another.
Any one of us
might be a clone...
Eh, except for me.
Hey!
Doesn't anyone think
I might be a clone?
All: No.
I'm not feeling the love here.
If a duplicate is among us,
fish will glow.
(Chanting)
If I were a clone,
would I know it?
Tohru is the only j-team
clone we have not encountered.
Then I am a clone.
(Sobs) I am so sorry.
Fish does not lie.
Ah, thank you, fish.
Excellente!
(Without accent) They
are not clones, Jade!
Um, what did you call me?
Your name, of course. Jade.
That's what I thought.
Let me see that.
(All gasp)
Paco has a clone, and I don't?
Way unfair!
We are. In great danger.
Paco, please. Say it is not so.
But it is,
and now I will destroy you all.
Mwa ha ha ha ha!
Ungh!
Uh, I'll be just a moment.
Ungh!
Unh, almost got it.
Uncle, how do you stop it?
Uncle has not yet
researched that part!
But, El toro,
you cannot harm me.
You are the greatest.
I cannot.
(Grunts) How about now?
(Gasps)
Whaaaaa!
Unh!
(Grumbles)
Uh, someone want to
help me with this?
Is that the best you have?
If this thing is a clone,
then where is the real paco?
El toro, where are you?
Looks like Chang's returned
to his old stomping grounds.
If seor Chang has harmed
one hair on paco's head...
He is big.
Jade clone, 10 o'clock.
Where?
Oh. You mean me.
Jade, we left you at
section 13 for a reason.
How did you find us here?
Tracking device.
(Grumbles) Tracking device.
Look!
Paquito.
How do we get past them?
Duh.
You think they can
tell we're not clones?
Remember!
Think like a clone.
(Robotic) I am tohru's clone.
Are you all right?
Uh, fine. You?
Master Chang requires
your presence.
We'll guard the hostage.
My brave hombre.
Jade, can you believe
even I have a clone?
Ha ha. Yeah. Pretty awesome.
How convenient.
The entire j-team in one spot,
which ought to facilitate
your group demise
rather nicely.
How did you do it, Chang?
Magic was never your m.O.
All it takes is a
little collaboration
with a master of the dark arts
and a grudge.
Clones!
Where's mine?
Ok, team. Let's rock!
What's the kid doing here?
(Sighs) She never listens.
Ok, team. What my clone said.
Grrr!
Hold it, big fella. It's me.
Oh, sorry.
Gotcha. Hee-yah!
Hi-yah! Oof!
Got you.
Wedginator!
Eep!
Raaah!
El toro: Grrrr!
Vaaah!
Aah!
Oof!
Wrong one!
Sorry.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello?
Jackie, I have devised
way to defeat clones.
Let me speak to my apprentice.
Uh, it is for tohru.
This is tohru.
Tohru, like the originals,
the duplicates are
naturally good.
An additional spell was
required to make them evil.
On an interesting side note...
Very compelling, but...
Ooh!
Uncle: Which is why your
mother has terrible manners.
Sensei, please. The spell.
Uncle is getting to that!
Maybe you didn't know
I'm a master of the
ancient art of butt whup.
Chi-yah!
Ha! Chi-yah!
Ha!
Whoa... ohh.
Maybe you didn't
know the original
is always better than a copy.
Ohh.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Ok, got it.
(Chanting)
All is quiet, sir.
Then the j-team is no more?
My clones are far more powerful
than their human counterparts.
Huh? Huh?
Jade and Jade clone: Let's
rock, team... wha!
Jackie and Jackie clone: Jade,
leave this to the grownups.
Ohh! Ohh!
The j-team has done it
again, Jade.
Both: Teams, paco. The j-teams,
and it's Jade.
Unh.
Just what I need.
Another j-team.
Hey, Jackie.
Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes and no.
Sometimes when I'm walking in a very
dark, dark place,
there's somebody...
just tell me the ghost story.
As long as I'm not
doing bad things,
always helping people...
Wherever I go,
I don't scare dark anymore.