Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 3, Episode 11 - Little Valmont, Big Jade - full transcript
After an encounter with Dalong Wong, Valmont is turned into a child. He seeks Jackie's help. The Chans head to England to find the horse with a talisman magic. Jade casts a spell on herself.
(Alarm rings)
(Sirens)
Blast!
Blast!
Ugh!
Me, valmont,
mastermind of the dark hand,
fleeing authorities
like a common...
Both: Oof!
You! You!
The supplies for
my locator spell!
You shall suffer for
what you have done!
What I have done?
You transformed my enforcers
into samurai zombies!
I've been reduced to
performing my own dirty work.
Return Finn, ratso,
and chow to me at once!
Heh! Why would daolon
wong heed the demands
of an insignificant pickpocket?
Uh...
Because I'm bigger than you!
Oh?
Aah!
Heh! Not anymore.
Blaaast!
Come on.
No!
The whole time we've
been in America,
I haven't grown one inch.
I'm never gonna grow up, Jackie!
Patience, Jade.
Enjoy your childhood
while it lasts.
Tsk! I've a billion
years of school left,
I can't reach anything
in the freezer,
and I never get invited
on your missions.
Way enjoyable.
Uncle: Hot cha!
(Whinnying)
Uncle's locator
spell is complete.
The horse is somewhere in
London, england.
(british accent) Cheerio!
Either of you chaps
fancy a spot of tea before
we hop across the pond?
Captain black has a
jet waiting for us.
And he's agreed to
look after Jade.
(british accent) What?
(american accent) I mean, what?!
Come, Jackie! We must hurry!
Captain black will be
here any minute, Jade.
Then I don't have much time.
Me, valmont,
forced to ask Jackie
chan for help again!
Quickly!
We must not let daolon wong
claim the healing
power of the horse.
No. We mustn't.
Maybe Jackie'll let
me come to London
if this grow-up
spell makes me older!
Work already!
Oh, whatever,
I'm going to London anyway.
Unh! Uncle,
have you ever considered
traveling lightly? Unh!
Uncle is traveling lightly.
Brought only one cauldron.
Jade: Unh! Nngh!
It may not be first class...
Valmont: Ow!
Aah! Aah!
What are you doing here?
What are you doing small?
Captain black,
is Jade staying out of trouble?
Uh, actually...
(Muffled) What?!
Where did she... ow!
Whoa! Whoa!
Ohhh.
Heh heh! Hey, Jackie.
Uh, she's with me.
Brilliant!
Now I have a paper cut!
Ohh!
Tohru, it is your former boss!
Uh, half of him.
Valmont? What happened?
Well, how should I know?
I must have nicked it
on one of the codger's
confounded books.
Boy genius, what happened as in
how come you're suddenly
ordering off the kid's menu?
Ohh, it's. Humiliating, really.
That batty old wizard cursed me!
Oh! Daolon wong!
But the horse
talisman will heal me.
Tsk! News flash!
The talismans are history.
The horse we're
after is an animal.
You'd best watch your tone with
me, child!
Why should I, child?
B-b-because I am
bigger than you!
Ohh.
(Chanting)
While uncle and I
search for the horse,
you two will wait here
and stay out of trouble.
Ohhh.
Now see here,
just because I look like a child
doesn't mean you can
treat me like one!
I am treating you
like a criminal.
Tohru will treat
you like a child.
Now, are you going to
be a good little boy?
♪ You're not the boss of me,
you're not the boss of me ♪
Ohhh. Please behave.
And Jackie thinks I'm a handful.
(Crash)
So, will you take me to chan,
or shall I ring room
service for some dessert?
Grrr.
Tsk, tsk.
I'm just a child, remember?
So am I, remember?
Now, tell tohru you're sorry.
Why should I?
Because I'm bigger than you!
Ohh! You are!
I am?
2 whole inches!
I'm getting older.
My grow-up spell's working!
Grow-up spell?
Well,
why didn't you say something?
I command you to cast this
spell on me immediately!
You don't own me. Do it!
No! Yes!
Never! Now!
(Rings)
No dice! Why, you...
Hello? Jackie,
you are at the kempton racecourse?
I'm just waiting for uncle
to pick a noble winner.
(Chanting)
How are things at day care?
Fine. Bye.
Call Jackie back.
Now that I'm older,
he'll probably want me to help.
Hmm.
Where's valmont?
Where to, little man?
Kempton racecourse.
And if you call me that again,
I shall have you eliminated.
Remain here. I will find him.
But my grow-up spell...
I'll be of voting age
before you know it.
No.
Tohru...
Do I look older to you?
Tsk!
This is so ànot the
growing up I had in mind.
But spell or no spell,
we gotta grab valmont.
Unh!
Please, just stay in the room.
Uh, don't think I can.
Royal medicine?
See? That is the healer we seek.
Whoa!
Heh! I'm big-boned.
Jade, I promised Jackie that I
would keep you our of trouble.
Tsk! It's just not fair
that valmont gets
to play and I don't.
Sorry, t!
Ohhh.
Children.
Announcer on p.A.:
All jockeys and horses
to the starting gate, please.
Prepare to race!
Gan! Ren! Chui!
I'm Finn. He's ratso.
That's chow.
Would it kill you
to learn our names?
The horse!
Ok, stretch.
Get off your high horse...
Unhand me, you buffoons!
Whoa! It's big v!
And he's mini.
Indeed. I attempted
to liberate you three,
and that rancid
prune of a wizard
burdened me with this...
Juvenile curse!
Ohh! You tried to rescue us?
Aww!
We didn't know you cared.
Forget the child!
Claim the horse!
Uh, I saw it first?
If you are here, where is Jade?
Being humongous rules... oof!
Except for the low
overhang problem.
Jackie! Stop horsing around!
You will not survive
my fiery stare... oh!
See what you've reduced me to?
I'm helping chan... uhh!
Be careful.
I have a paper cut, you know.
A mere flesh wound is the
least of your worries.
(Dark warriors shouting)
Finn: Ease up, sweaty.
No one touches little
v with us around.
At least valmont bothered
to learn our names.
And he's so cute now... Boss.
I am not your boss.
Waah!
I am your master!
Dark warriors: Aah!
Finn: Yes, master!
Chow: We'll be good, master!
Giddy up!
(Warriors moaning)
Fetch!
Yes, master!
You got it, master!
Whatever you say, master!
You three are pathetic!
Announcer on p.A.:
And they're off!
Aiyaaaa!
Clancy's brown
fancy out in front
with little blue sue
moving to the inside,
but... What's this?
Royal medicine is
taking the lead
with 2 jockeys.
Please tell royal
medicine's owner
I will send him a
check, thank you!
Astonishing!
Royal medicine has now
left the course entirely
with... It would seem...
Circus clowns in pursuit.
Jade? Jade?
Jade!
Whoa!
(Big Ben chimes)
Well, at least I'm
getting to see lon... ohh!
You will pay for that!
Nice shooting, part... naah!
Well, isn't that just dandy?
The one time I want chan to win,
he makes a hash of it!
Ha ha ha!
With the power of healing,
I shall become invincible... eh?
Say hello to my friend flicka!
Aah!
Grrr!
Ohh! Aiya!
Jade?!
Whoa, there, little fella.
It's ok. Shh.
Jade! What happened to you?
Attack!
Talk later!
Wahh!
You're going down, queen Kong!
The bigger they are,
the harder they...
They didn't see that coming?
Honestly!
Why did I ever want them back?
Just call me Jade-zilla.
You will give me the horse.
Try and take it, tiny.
Oh? Perhaps you
should be picked upon
by something your own size.
Big trouble.
(Roars)
Jade, step away from the ogre!
So you can take him
on, tom thumb?
With the healing horse in my
pocket, I can't get injured.
Ok, handsome,
this town ain't big
enough for the both of us.
Be careful, Jade!
The best offense is a good...
ohh!
My kingdom for that horse!
I will not endure another
moment of immaturity.
Hee-yah!
Grrargh! Hmm?
(Chanting)
Stone magic?
I shall immobilize you first!
(Chanting)
(Both chanting)
(Both mumbling)
In case of emergency,
use the fire escape.
Valmont, come down!
You are going to get... ohh!
Ohh... oop!
Aah! Aah!
Nngh! Mmnhh!
Well, this is a demolition site.
Got you!
Ohh! My paper cut!
Oh, sorry!
Tricked you!
The wound is on my finger.
Tsk! I'm packing horse
power, which means...
♪ You can't hurt me! ♪
Aah! Unh!
Tally ho!
(Neighs)
(Gulps) Now you can hurt me.
Whoa!
(Both grunting)
Rrgh! Hands off Mrs. ed.
Right then, break the curse.
Make me big! Squander my youth!
Come on, heal me!
That's it?
You healed my paper cut?
I am still a child,
you incompetent nag!
Let me go!
(Muttering)
Looks like you're gonna
need a bigger ogre.
And it looks like
you are going to need
an antidote, Jade.
Ohhhh.
(Mumbling)
I'm not the only one.
Valmont: Hello!
Take your blasted pony!
Just get me down from here!
Sorry I got too big
for my britches, t.
Valmont: Chop-chop, old man!
I'm not getting any
younger, you know.
Manners! Or uncle will
put you back in diapers.
Ohh, all right, then.
Daddy's little boy
is all grown up!
Ta-ta! Must make up
for my wasted youth.
Lead a life of crime, perhaps.
Valmont...
You're under arrest.
What? No! Reverse the spell!
Please!
I demand to be tried as a minor!
See, Jade? Sometimes,
it is not good to
grow up too fast.
Hey, Jackie.
Yes?
Do you like to ride a horse?
Yes, the horse is good.
I just don't know how
they can train them.
It's not a horse
anymore, it's like a dog.
It just follows wherever I go.
I run, he runs,
I stop, he stops.
I wish I had one of
these kind of horses.
But now, I'm kind of...
Not professional,
I'm pretty good at it.
(Sirens)
Blast!
Blast!
Ugh!
Me, valmont,
mastermind of the dark hand,
fleeing authorities
like a common...
Both: Oof!
You! You!
The supplies for
my locator spell!
You shall suffer for
what you have done!
What I have done?
You transformed my enforcers
into samurai zombies!
I've been reduced to
performing my own dirty work.
Return Finn, ratso,
and chow to me at once!
Heh! Why would daolon
wong heed the demands
of an insignificant pickpocket?
Uh...
Because I'm bigger than you!
Oh?
Aah!
Heh! Not anymore.
Blaaast!
Come on.
No!
The whole time we've
been in America,
I haven't grown one inch.
I'm never gonna grow up, Jackie!
Patience, Jade.
Enjoy your childhood
while it lasts.
Tsk! I've a billion
years of school left,
I can't reach anything
in the freezer,
and I never get invited
on your missions.
Way enjoyable.
Uncle: Hot cha!
(Whinnying)
Uncle's locator
spell is complete.
The horse is somewhere in
London, england.
(british accent) Cheerio!
Either of you chaps
fancy a spot of tea before
we hop across the pond?
Captain black has a
jet waiting for us.
And he's agreed to
look after Jade.
(british accent) What?
(american accent) I mean, what?!
Come, Jackie! We must hurry!
Captain black will be
here any minute, Jade.
Then I don't have much time.
Me, valmont,
forced to ask Jackie
chan for help again!
Quickly!
We must not let daolon wong
claim the healing
power of the horse.
No. We mustn't.
Maybe Jackie'll let
me come to London
if this grow-up
spell makes me older!
Work already!
Oh, whatever,
I'm going to London anyway.
Unh! Uncle,
have you ever considered
traveling lightly? Unh!
Uncle is traveling lightly.
Brought only one cauldron.
Jade: Unh! Nngh!
It may not be first class...
Valmont: Ow!
Aah! Aah!
What are you doing here?
What are you doing small?
Captain black,
is Jade staying out of trouble?
Uh, actually...
(Muffled) What?!
Where did she... ow!
Whoa! Whoa!
Ohhh.
Heh heh! Hey, Jackie.
Uh, she's with me.
Brilliant!
Now I have a paper cut!
Ohh!
Tohru, it is your former boss!
Uh, half of him.
Valmont? What happened?
Well, how should I know?
I must have nicked it
on one of the codger's
confounded books.
Boy genius, what happened as in
how come you're suddenly
ordering off the kid's menu?
Ohh, it's. Humiliating, really.
That batty old wizard cursed me!
Oh! Daolon wong!
But the horse
talisman will heal me.
Tsk! News flash!
The talismans are history.
The horse we're
after is an animal.
You'd best watch your tone with
me, child!
Why should I, child?
B-b-because I am
bigger than you!
Ohh.
(Chanting)
While uncle and I
search for the horse,
you two will wait here
and stay out of trouble.
Ohhh.
Now see here,
just because I look like a child
doesn't mean you can
treat me like one!
I am treating you
like a criminal.
Tohru will treat
you like a child.
Now, are you going to
be a good little boy?
♪ You're not the boss of me,
you're not the boss of me ♪
Ohhh. Please behave.
And Jackie thinks I'm a handful.
(Crash)
So, will you take me to chan,
or shall I ring room
service for some dessert?
Grrr.
Tsk, tsk.
I'm just a child, remember?
So am I, remember?
Now, tell tohru you're sorry.
Why should I?
Because I'm bigger than you!
Ohh! You are!
I am?
2 whole inches!
I'm getting older.
My grow-up spell's working!
Grow-up spell?
Well,
why didn't you say something?
I command you to cast this
spell on me immediately!
You don't own me. Do it!
No! Yes!
Never! Now!
(Rings)
No dice! Why, you...
Hello? Jackie,
you are at the kempton racecourse?
I'm just waiting for uncle
to pick a noble winner.
(Chanting)
How are things at day care?
Fine. Bye.
Call Jackie back.
Now that I'm older,
he'll probably want me to help.
Hmm.
Where's valmont?
Where to, little man?
Kempton racecourse.
And if you call me that again,
I shall have you eliminated.
Remain here. I will find him.
But my grow-up spell...
I'll be of voting age
before you know it.
No.
Tohru...
Do I look older to you?
Tsk!
This is so ànot the
growing up I had in mind.
But spell or no spell,
we gotta grab valmont.
Unh!
Please, just stay in the room.
Uh, don't think I can.
Royal medicine?
See? That is the healer we seek.
Whoa!
Heh! I'm big-boned.
Jade, I promised Jackie that I
would keep you our of trouble.
Tsk! It's just not fair
that valmont gets
to play and I don't.
Sorry, t!
Ohhh.
Children.
Announcer on p.A.:
All jockeys and horses
to the starting gate, please.
Prepare to race!
Gan! Ren! Chui!
I'm Finn. He's ratso.
That's chow.
Would it kill you
to learn our names?
The horse!
Ok, stretch.
Get off your high horse...
Unhand me, you buffoons!
Whoa! It's big v!
And he's mini.
Indeed. I attempted
to liberate you three,
and that rancid
prune of a wizard
burdened me with this...
Juvenile curse!
Ohh! You tried to rescue us?
Aww!
We didn't know you cared.
Forget the child!
Claim the horse!
Uh, I saw it first?
If you are here, where is Jade?
Being humongous rules... oof!
Except for the low
overhang problem.
Jackie! Stop horsing around!
You will not survive
my fiery stare... oh!
See what you've reduced me to?
I'm helping chan... uhh!
Be careful.
I have a paper cut, you know.
A mere flesh wound is the
least of your worries.
(Dark warriors shouting)
Finn: Ease up, sweaty.
No one touches little
v with us around.
At least valmont bothered
to learn our names.
And he's so cute now... Boss.
I am not your boss.
Waah!
I am your master!
Dark warriors: Aah!
Finn: Yes, master!
Chow: We'll be good, master!
Giddy up!
(Warriors moaning)
Fetch!
Yes, master!
You got it, master!
Whatever you say, master!
You three are pathetic!
Announcer on p.A.:
And they're off!
Aiyaaaa!
Clancy's brown
fancy out in front
with little blue sue
moving to the inside,
but... What's this?
Royal medicine is
taking the lead
with 2 jockeys.
Please tell royal
medicine's owner
I will send him a
check, thank you!
Astonishing!
Royal medicine has now
left the course entirely
with... It would seem...
Circus clowns in pursuit.
Jade? Jade?
Jade!
Whoa!
(Big Ben chimes)
Well, at least I'm
getting to see lon... ohh!
You will pay for that!
Nice shooting, part... naah!
Well, isn't that just dandy?
The one time I want chan to win,
he makes a hash of it!
Ha ha ha!
With the power of healing,
I shall become invincible... eh?
Say hello to my friend flicka!
Aah!
Grrr!
Ohh! Aiya!
Jade?!
Whoa, there, little fella.
It's ok. Shh.
Jade! What happened to you?
Attack!
Talk later!
Wahh!
You're going down, queen Kong!
The bigger they are,
the harder they...
They didn't see that coming?
Honestly!
Why did I ever want them back?
Just call me Jade-zilla.
You will give me the horse.
Try and take it, tiny.
Oh? Perhaps you
should be picked upon
by something your own size.
Big trouble.
(Roars)
Jade, step away from the ogre!
So you can take him
on, tom thumb?
With the healing horse in my
pocket, I can't get injured.
Ok, handsome,
this town ain't big
enough for the both of us.
Be careful, Jade!
The best offense is a good...
ohh!
My kingdom for that horse!
I will not endure another
moment of immaturity.
Hee-yah!
Grrargh! Hmm?
(Chanting)
Stone magic?
I shall immobilize you first!
(Chanting)
(Both chanting)
(Both mumbling)
In case of emergency,
use the fire escape.
Valmont, come down!
You are going to get... ohh!
Ohh... oop!
Aah! Aah!
Nngh! Mmnhh!
Well, this is a demolition site.
Got you!
Ohh! My paper cut!
Oh, sorry!
Tricked you!
The wound is on my finger.
Tsk! I'm packing horse
power, which means...
♪ You can't hurt me! ♪
Aah! Unh!
Tally ho!
(Neighs)
(Gulps) Now you can hurt me.
Whoa!
(Both grunting)
Rrgh! Hands off Mrs. ed.
Right then, break the curse.
Make me big! Squander my youth!
Come on, heal me!
That's it?
You healed my paper cut?
I am still a child,
you incompetent nag!
Let me go!
(Muttering)
Looks like you're gonna
need a bigger ogre.
And it looks like
you are going to need
an antidote, Jade.
Ohhhh.
(Mumbling)
I'm not the only one.
Valmont: Hello!
Take your blasted pony!
Just get me down from here!
Sorry I got too big
for my britches, t.
Valmont: Chop-chop, old man!
I'm not getting any
younger, you know.
Manners! Or uncle will
put you back in diapers.
Ohh, all right, then.
Daddy's little boy
is all grown up!
Ta-ta! Must make up
for my wasted youth.
Lead a life of crime, perhaps.
Valmont...
You're under arrest.
What? No! Reverse the spell!
Please!
I demand to be tried as a minor!
See, Jade? Sometimes,
it is not good to
grow up too fast.
Hey, Jackie.
Yes?
Do you like to ride a horse?
Yes, the horse is good.
I just don't know how
they can train them.
It's not a horse
anymore, it's like a dog.
It just follows wherever I go.
I run, he runs,
I stop, he stops.
I wish I had one of
these kind of horses.
But now, I'm kind of...
Not professional,
I'm pretty good at it.