Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 3, Episode 1 - Re-Enter the J Team - full transcript
Captain Black asks Jackie to enter a Martial Arts tournament to get some Intel on a smuggler. Jade suggests sending in the J-Team.
Unh!
Unh.
Unh!
Unh! Unh!
Sayonara, chumps.
Hiyah!
Jade?
Now can I join the j-team?
Well...
But I mopped the
floor with ninja butt.
El solo me-o! Yipe!
No!
Where are you taking me?
Jade!
No. Not here.
Not yet.
Nice of you to join us, Jade.
Would you care to read
your essay to the class?
Essay?
Aah!
(Gasping)
5 more shopping days
till the end of Summer vacation.
Yay.
Jackie, I keep having
the same weird dream.
I show up to the
first day of class
without my "what I did during
Summer vacation" essay.
Gee, perhaps you should
start writing your essay.
Tch. You mean,
write about how boring vacation's been?
We haven't seen a single demon
or ninja or dark hand thug.
Mmm. My kind of Summer.
Black: Jackie.
Could I see you a moment?
Aye, cap'n!
Funny. I did not hear
him say your name.
It involves Jade.
That would be moi.
What did she do?
Not Jade the niece.
Jade the stone.
Jackie: Oh,
I recognize these pieces.
Some of the finest
examples of emperor's Jade
ever to exist.
Until they vanished.
As you know, the collections
of nearly a dozen
Chinese museums
have been hit over
the last decade,
and the thefts have the
same thing in common.
No prints, no
tracks, no suspects.
Until now.
Section 13 agents have
been tracking the movements
of taiwanese billionaire
Bartholomew Chang.
His hand...
Made of Jade.
(Door opens)
You rang?
Both: The stone.
Just checking.
Our biggest obstacle
is diplomatic.
The taiwanese government
believes Chang
to be its greatest
philanthropist.
That's why we can't make a
move on his island fortress
without absolute proof that he's
stockpiling the goods there.
And I can help you how?
Chang is about to host
his annual exclusive
martial arts tournament
ostensibly for charity.
But I believe Chang uses the
tournament as an audition
to recruit muscle
for his private army,
and the guest transportation
as a means to smuggle Jade
onto the island and off of it.
Ah. You want me to
attend the tournament
as a contestant?
And find the...
(Whispers) Jade.
Captain black, no offense,
but this is way out
of Jackie's league.
This is a job for...
The j-team!
El toro fuerte,
wrestler extraordinaire.
Viper, mistress of hapkido,
pilates, and krav maga.
Tohru, the big, strong...
Er, sumo.
Uh, yes. Captain black,
I am sorry that my niece has
such an active imagination.
I like it. Good work, kid.
Tohru: Sumo?
But I am small for a sumo.
Well,
you'll just have to eat more.
All part of the training.
All right, t.,
assume the position.
Unh. Unh.
Rrrr!
Unh.
Unh.
Unh!
Now, the name of the game
is to stay in the ring, capiche?
Unh.
Hiyah!
Unh!
(Gasps)
Earthquake!
You are very small for a sumo.
Lesson number one: Think big.
Thank you all for coming
and for accepting this mission.
I've taken the Liberty
of assigning each
of you a code name.
Hepcat.
Slippery McGee.
Fearless hyena.
The big bopper.
And you can call me...
When we get there
to let you know
we arrived safely.
But this was my idea.
The mission was gonna be
my perfect Summer getaway.
If I don't go, paco doesn't go.
Paco is going, right?
Too dangerous.
Besides, he is busy writing his
"what I did for Summer
vacation" essay.
Sorry, kiddo,
but let's you and
me go rollerblading
as soon as I get back.
Sure thing, hepcat.
You're a real
master of disguise.
El toro fuerte never
removes his mask.
Wish I could remove
these pajamas.
Not used to such a roomy fit.
According. To captain black,
Chang gives a private
tour of his operations
to all tournament winners.
That would be the safest way
to gain access to the Jade.
(Fanfare plays)
Ready to go for the
gold, big bopper?
Oh!
Jade! How did you...
Captain black said
the boats were used
to smuggle Jade onto the
island, duh.
Ah! Not the niece, the stone!
Let the tournament begin.
Jujitsu contestants,
approach the competition stage.
Senor fuerte, you're on.
How do you know?
Tch. Who'd you think
was gonna register you
guys for your bouts?
(Grunting)
Yes!
An intriguing
derivation of jujitsu.
Aaahhh!
Oh, no! The "bounce-off-
the-ropes" maneuver!
What ropes?
Uh-oh.
All: Aah!
(Groans)
The champion.
This ain't lucha
libre, àhandsome.
Ah, force of habit.
Iron fist contestants,
approach the competition stage.
Show 'em who's boss,
fearless hyena.
(Grunting)
What?
Why did you sign me up for that?
Hello? "Greatest victory,
battle not fought."
Thought you liked to
avoid hand-to-hand combat.
How did Chang lose his
hand, anyway?
Iron fist competition.
Heh heh. Bricks.
Owww!
Well, Jackie's out.
Not quite.
Best 2 out of 3.
Taibo: Contestants,
approach the competition stage.
Viper's gonna rock
the tournament.
Hiyah!
The champion.
This clown suit's really
cramping my style.
Sumo contestants,
approach the competition stage.
It's up to you, t.
Think big. Think big.
Think big. Think big.
Think big. Think big.
Think big.
Think...
Big.
Hello, tiny.
(Gulps) Yeah.
Jade: Think big.
Huh?
Aaarrrgh!
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
Whoa!
The champion!
Tohru, you da bomb.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
I won?
I won!
(Knock on door)
Yes?
Uh, mmm. Good evening,
uh, Mr. referee.
Taibo: Master Chang
requests your presence.
Chang has summoned tohru.
Jade will be pleased
to hear this.
No. Jade, eh,
Jade will be pleased
to remain in her room.
(Footsteps approaching)
Sumo.
You fought like a warrior today.
Uh, I...
I have an excellent trainer.
Chang enterprises can compensate
you beyond your wildest dreams,
if you dedicate yourself
to serving my empire.
Yes.
Very well.
(Beeping)
Champion,
join the privileged few.
Heh heh. Hello.
Now behold...
One of my most
successful ventures.
Quilts.
All proceeds go to charity.
Anything?
Song and dance.
Chang won't show his true colors
until he's certain
he can trust tohru.
Chang: Cookies.
All proceeds go to charity.
Yummy?
(Yawns)
Shh.
Jade.
Tohru has a visual.
Er, the niece, not the stone.
I have to get her out of there.
You'll jeopardize the mission.
And Jade won't?
50-50.
Jade!
Hey! Hiyah!
Huh?
(Beeping)
(Gasps)
Jade!
And over here,
the pride and Joy of
Chang enterprises...
Basket weaving.
All proceeds go...
You! Aah!
This area is off limits.
What are you doing?
Looking for Jade.
What Jade?
There is no Jade here.
I see no Jade.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Jade, my niece,
not Jade the stone.
Uh, have you seen it...
Uh... uh, I mean, her?
No? Well,
it was very nice seeing you again.
Uh, thank you. Bye-bye.
Are you certain you
wish to serve me?
Of course, master Chang.
Then prove yourself, sumo.
Bury our intruder.
(Gasps)
Heh heh, nice sumo.
Unh! Aah!
All: Unh!
(All groan)
That was the best plan
you could come up with?
Yes.
This way!
Jade?
The niece or the stone?
My Jade!
Destroy them!
El toro: Not so fast.
You were gonna start
the party without us?
Rematch.
Watch the hands. Please!
Not the hands!
I win.
Not the hands.
Ropes, por favor.
Not the hands.
Amigo! Tag team!
Owww!
Sorry.
(Whistle)
You!
(Gulps)
I have never lost a match
until today.
We humble ourselves before you.
Let us even the odds.
Destroy them!
(All yelling)
You can run, Chang,
but you can't hide
from the j-team.
Jackie could use
some helping hands.
Jade: Jackie!
Heh. Always brush after soup?
Aah!
(Gagging)
Unh!
Unh.
The champion!
(All groaning)
Thinking big?
Livin' large.
Team, I hope you'll consider
joining us for future missions.
Mmm, well...
Both: We would be honored.
So this makes me
official, right?
Well, let's just say
the "j" in j-team
stands for more than "Jackie."
And that's what I did
on my mondo coolio
Summer vacation.
Hey, Jackie, what is rushu?
It's a little art.
It's like a dancing.
Like me,
when I'm playing badminton.
Choo, ooh, ooh.
We're doing this kind of things.
You have your own style.
You learn something from me, ok,
but later on you must
have your own style.
Yeah.
Unh.
Unh!
Unh! Unh!
Sayonara, chumps.
Hiyah!
Jade?
Now can I join the j-team?
Well...
But I mopped the
floor with ninja butt.
El solo me-o! Yipe!
No!
Where are you taking me?
Jade!
No. Not here.
Not yet.
Nice of you to join us, Jade.
Would you care to read
your essay to the class?
Essay?
Aah!
(Gasping)
5 more shopping days
till the end of Summer vacation.
Yay.
Jackie, I keep having
the same weird dream.
I show up to the
first day of class
without my "what I did during
Summer vacation" essay.
Gee, perhaps you should
start writing your essay.
Tch. You mean,
write about how boring vacation's been?
We haven't seen a single demon
or ninja or dark hand thug.
Mmm. My kind of Summer.
Black: Jackie.
Could I see you a moment?
Aye, cap'n!
Funny. I did not hear
him say your name.
It involves Jade.
That would be moi.
What did she do?
Not Jade the niece.
Jade the stone.
Jackie: Oh,
I recognize these pieces.
Some of the finest
examples of emperor's Jade
ever to exist.
Until they vanished.
As you know, the collections
of nearly a dozen
Chinese museums
have been hit over
the last decade,
and the thefts have the
same thing in common.
No prints, no
tracks, no suspects.
Until now.
Section 13 agents have
been tracking the movements
of taiwanese billionaire
Bartholomew Chang.
His hand...
Made of Jade.
(Door opens)
You rang?
Both: The stone.
Just checking.
Our biggest obstacle
is diplomatic.
The taiwanese government
believes Chang
to be its greatest
philanthropist.
That's why we can't make a
move on his island fortress
without absolute proof that he's
stockpiling the goods there.
And I can help you how?
Chang is about to host
his annual exclusive
martial arts tournament
ostensibly for charity.
But I believe Chang uses the
tournament as an audition
to recruit muscle
for his private army,
and the guest transportation
as a means to smuggle Jade
onto the island and off of it.
Ah. You want me to
attend the tournament
as a contestant?
And find the...
(Whispers) Jade.
Captain black, no offense,
but this is way out
of Jackie's league.
This is a job for...
The j-team!
El toro fuerte,
wrestler extraordinaire.
Viper, mistress of hapkido,
pilates, and krav maga.
Tohru, the big, strong...
Er, sumo.
Uh, yes. Captain black,
I am sorry that my niece has
such an active imagination.
I like it. Good work, kid.
Tohru: Sumo?
But I am small for a sumo.
Well,
you'll just have to eat more.
All part of the training.
All right, t.,
assume the position.
Unh. Unh.
Rrrr!
Unh.
Unh.
Unh!
Now, the name of the game
is to stay in the ring, capiche?
Unh.
Hiyah!
Unh!
(Gasps)
Earthquake!
You are very small for a sumo.
Lesson number one: Think big.
Thank you all for coming
and for accepting this mission.
I've taken the Liberty
of assigning each
of you a code name.
Hepcat.
Slippery McGee.
Fearless hyena.
The big bopper.
And you can call me...
When we get there
to let you know
we arrived safely.
But this was my idea.
The mission was gonna be
my perfect Summer getaway.
If I don't go, paco doesn't go.
Paco is going, right?
Too dangerous.
Besides, he is busy writing his
"what I did for Summer
vacation" essay.
Sorry, kiddo,
but let's you and
me go rollerblading
as soon as I get back.
Sure thing, hepcat.
You're a real
master of disguise.
El toro fuerte never
removes his mask.
Wish I could remove
these pajamas.
Not used to such a roomy fit.
According. To captain black,
Chang gives a private
tour of his operations
to all tournament winners.
That would be the safest way
to gain access to the Jade.
(Fanfare plays)
Ready to go for the
gold, big bopper?
Oh!
Jade! How did you...
Captain black said
the boats were used
to smuggle Jade onto the
island, duh.
Ah! Not the niece, the stone!
Let the tournament begin.
Jujitsu contestants,
approach the competition stage.
Senor fuerte, you're on.
How do you know?
Tch. Who'd you think
was gonna register you
guys for your bouts?
(Grunting)
Yes!
An intriguing
derivation of jujitsu.
Aaahhh!
Oh, no! The "bounce-off-
the-ropes" maneuver!
What ropes?
Uh-oh.
All: Aah!
(Groans)
The champion.
This ain't lucha
libre, àhandsome.
Ah, force of habit.
Iron fist contestants,
approach the competition stage.
Show 'em who's boss,
fearless hyena.
(Grunting)
What?
Why did you sign me up for that?
Hello? "Greatest victory,
battle not fought."
Thought you liked to
avoid hand-to-hand combat.
How did Chang lose his
hand, anyway?
Iron fist competition.
Heh heh. Bricks.
Owww!
Well, Jackie's out.
Not quite.
Best 2 out of 3.
Taibo: Contestants,
approach the competition stage.
Viper's gonna rock
the tournament.
Hiyah!
The champion.
This clown suit's really
cramping my style.
Sumo contestants,
approach the competition stage.
It's up to you, t.
Think big. Think big.
Think big. Think big.
Think big. Think big.
Think big.
Think...
Big.
Hello, tiny.
(Gulps) Yeah.
Jade: Think big.
Huh?
Aaarrrgh!
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
Whoa!
The champion!
Tohru, you da bomb.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
I won?
I won!
(Knock on door)
Yes?
Uh, mmm. Good evening,
uh, Mr. referee.
Taibo: Master Chang
requests your presence.
Chang has summoned tohru.
Jade will be pleased
to hear this.
No. Jade, eh,
Jade will be pleased
to remain in her room.
(Footsteps approaching)
Sumo.
You fought like a warrior today.
Uh, I...
I have an excellent trainer.
Chang enterprises can compensate
you beyond your wildest dreams,
if you dedicate yourself
to serving my empire.
Yes.
Very well.
(Beeping)
Champion,
join the privileged few.
Heh heh. Hello.
Now behold...
One of my most
successful ventures.
Quilts.
All proceeds go to charity.
Anything?
Song and dance.
Chang won't show his true colors
until he's certain
he can trust tohru.
Chang: Cookies.
All proceeds go to charity.
Yummy?
(Yawns)
Shh.
Jade.
Tohru has a visual.
Er, the niece, not the stone.
I have to get her out of there.
You'll jeopardize the mission.
And Jade won't?
50-50.
Jade!
Hey! Hiyah!
Huh?
(Beeping)
(Gasps)
Jade!
And over here,
the pride and Joy of
Chang enterprises...
Basket weaving.
All proceeds go...
You! Aah!
This area is off limits.
What are you doing?
Looking for Jade.
What Jade?
There is no Jade here.
I see no Jade.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Jade, my niece,
not Jade the stone.
Uh, have you seen it...
Uh... uh, I mean, her?
No? Well,
it was very nice seeing you again.
Uh, thank you. Bye-bye.
Are you certain you
wish to serve me?
Of course, master Chang.
Then prove yourself, sumo.
Bury our intruder.
(Gasps)
Heh heh, nice sumo.
Unh! Aah!
All: Unh!
(All groan)
That was the best plan
you could come up with?
Yes.
This way!
Jade?
The niece or the stone?
My Jade!
Destroy them!
El toro: Not so fast.
You were gonna start
the party without us?
Rematch.
Watch the hands. Please!
Not the hands!
I win.
Not the hands.
Ropes, por favor.
Not the hands.
Amigo! Tag team!
Owww!
Sorry.
(Whistle)
You!
(Gulps)
I have never lost a match
until today.
We humble ourselves before you.
Let us even the odds.
Destroy them!
(All yelling)
You can run, Chang,
but you can't hide
from the j-team.
Jackie could use
some helping hands.
Jade: Jackie!
Heh. Always brush after soup?
Aah!
(Gagging)
Unh!
Unh.
The champion!
(All groaning)
Thinking big?
Livin' large.
Team, I hope you'll consider
joining us for future missions.
Mmm, well...
Both: We would be honored.
So this makes me
official, right?
Well, let's just say
the "j" in j-team
stands for more than "Jackie."
And that's what I did
on my mondo coolio
Summer vacation.
Hey, Jackie, what is rushu?
It's a little art.
It's like a dancing.
Like me,
when I'm playing badminton.
Choo, ooh, ooh.
We're doing this kind of things.
You have your own style.
You learn something from me, ok,
but later on you must
have your own style.
Yeah.