Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 2, Episode 9 - Rumble in the Big House - full transcript
The Dark Hand allows themselves to be captured and sentenced to prison so they can open the Wind Demon's portal in Hollowlands Prison. Jackie must go undercover.
Shendu: The portal of xiao
fung, the wind demon,
lies upon the seventh land mass,
4,000,001 cubits above
the Southern hemisphere,
beyond the placid forest,
nestled between
the rolling hills.
Uh, the only thing
I see nestlin'...
Is hollow lands penitentiary.
Valmont: Do you mean to tell
us that the demon portal
lies somewhere within
those prison walls, shendu?
Shendu: Do not take that tone with
me, valmont.
I did not build the fortress.
I've heard of
bustin' outta jail,
but breakin' in?
No problem.
I did a stretch here.
Rumor has it there are miles
of tunnels under the joint.
The pan ku box
mentioned no tunnels.
And I will not waste
time chasing windmills
when we can simply allow
ourselves to be taken prisoner.
Oh, no. I don't wanna go back.
Valmont and his pals have
been spotted downtown.
You in, Jackie? We're there.
Is your name Jackie?
(Scoffs)
Captain black,
I thought all dark hand matters
had been reassigned
to section 12.
That may be so,
but I'm not gonna sit pretty
while the dark hand
strolls into my backyard
to hand a hall pass
to a hobgoblin.
Captain black is in the house!
(Strained groans)
Valmont: As the head of an
international crime syndicate,
I refuse to expose myself
by robbing a common bank.
Shendu: You seem to
forget, valmont,
that in the event
of a stalemate,
I win.
Well?!
Must I remind you that the
portal cannot be opened
without the pan ku box,
which I cannot touch?!
Valmont: Let's get
this over with.
Capt. Black: Freeze, valmont!
All: We surrender.
You do? You do?
Capt. Black: Take 'em away.
(Chanting Chinese incantation)
What do you think, uncle... ow!
Do you see any demons?
Nooo.
That is because this
is a bank vault,
not a demon portal!
And for your long career
of federal crimes,
I sentence you to 50
years in hollow lands
maximum-security prison.
(Finn sobbing)
Yes, the dark hand has been
successfully shut down, sir, but...
Thank you. We are proud, sir.
But I want to
recommend that valmont
be reassigned to another
prison immediately.
I have reason to believe
that he orchestrated
their appointment
to hollow lands
in order to locate
a demon portal.
No, sir, I've never received
psychological counseling. Why?
Breathe deeply.
Eww, are you wearing Cologne?
Capt. Black: Aftershave.
They didn't believe
you, did they?
(Sighs) And if we
can't stop the demon
by moving valmont out,
we are going to have to move in.
You don't really mean
we, do you?
You in? Cool!
You're going undercover!
Bu-but, I don't want
to be a prison guard.
Not a guard, Jackie, an inmate.
Clearly, it's. of the utmost
importance that valmont and his men
not recognize you, Jackie.
Uh, the... the guards and warden
will know who I really am.
Right?
Jackie, no can do.
This is completely
under the radar.
Kepler: Smile.
Bwoah... ooh!
Oh!
Don't worry,
all you need to do
is mix your way
into valmont's gang
and get ahold of that pan ku box
before they open
the portal with it.
Oh, is that all?
Say ahhh.
Aah!
Jackie chan,
meet chance Jackson,
master criminal.
Prison is full of hard
cases, Jackie.
Your disguise is foolproof.
(Scoffs, snorts)
Hey, Jackie,
you off to the big house?
Wha... ut... grr!
Uh, good luck, chance.
If things get dicey,
just call and say the password,
chinchilla.
Uh, what's a chinchilla?
Oh, captain black,
your supervisors have requested
that we speak with you, ja?
Valmont: We can't find the portal
until the pan ku box arrives,
so we will just have to wait.
Well, we could've been traipsing
our way out through those tunnels
with our demon of
the week by now.
Alleged tunnels.
Anything's better than doin'
time, right, ratso?
Come on, let's.
Toss a few before lunch.
(Eagerly) They're
serving gruel again.
What? It's fun-food.
Bingo.
(Gruffly) Bingo!
Unh. Ooh, sorry.
(American accent) Er,
sorry I didn't rearrange your molecules!
Watch where you're
goin' next time.
So, uh, what are you in for?
Go away.
Chance Jackson, safecracker.
Big whoop!
I crack them with my head.
Hmm. You like baseball?
Ho ho, do I!
Aww, you guys oughta
give chance a chance.
He's one of us.
Probably why he
reminds me of somebody.
Howdy, guys. Chance!
You wrangled kitchen duty.
Supplies! Everyone back!
At ease.
A bit obvious, but...
What?!
Hey, that's the
warden's birthday cake!
You just won a free
trip to solitary.
Shendu, mentally: Valmont,
you are an imbecile!
Uh-oh.
Well, it's gotta be somewhere.
P.A.: All inmates report
to mess hall for lunch.
You're in safe hands now.
(Gasps)
No!
Goo... oh... aargh!
(Roaring, growling)
H-hello.
I am free!
Whoa. We struck demon.
Not any demon.
Xiao fung, demon of the wind.
Uh, like breakin' wind?
(Cries out)
Ooh-oh!
Like breaking bones.
You care to explain the
swipe-and-run, chance?
Easy on him. He found our boy.
Yeah!
Good instincts, buddy.
So, uh, what's with tumble dry?
Ahh, the sweet scent of freedom.
Uh, actually,
your breeziness, sir,
you're not exactly free.
No?
You're in the hoosegow. Prison.
This prison is paradise
compared to the ghastly
abyss I have escaped.
Whatever you say, chief,
but outside's even better.
Beaches, movies...
Yeah,
so why don't you huff and puff
and blow this big house down?
No! I... I mean...
You can't leave without your
boss, can you?
Where is shendu?
Uh, shendu's in valmont...
And valmont's in solitary.
Hmm.
If I do not free this valmont,
I will be burdened
with freeing.
My brothers and sisters.
Very well.
Whoa, you guys can do that?
Concealment seems prudent.
Demons appear to stick
out like sore thumbs
in this modern world.
Ooh, he's gonna blend
in undercover-like.
Get it, chance?
Uh, got it.
Uh, chinchilla.
What's a chinchilla?
That's the password.
Just get me captain black.
What do you mean,
he can't be disturbed?
Demon.
I see a demon.
And this one?
Socks worn by a
really big demon.
(American accent) Uncle,
it's, uh, me, your nephew.
What?
It does not sound like you.
What do you mean
you are in prison?
You are a bad influence on Jade.
Good thing it is not really you.
Who was that, uncle?
Eh, crank call.
Prince Albert in a can?
No, crazy talk about
demons and prisons.
(Gasps) Ai-yaah!
We're gonna create a diversion
so we can sneak into solitary.
What's the plan?
Both: Food fight!
(All yell)
Ratso: Psst. Chance.
Let's break for it.
(American accent)
So, we goin' or what?
I liked you.
(Normal voice) Uh-oh.
Hey, xiao, meet Jackie chan.
Nemesis to my brethren?
Ooh!
What just happened here?
Never mind. Solitary.
Aah! Unh!
Jade: Hi, Jackie.
Jade? Uncle?
How?
Tohru: Invisibility,
levitation, speed.
I borrowed some talismans
so we could bust you
out of the slammer.
Oh!
Well, I don't want to be out.
I want to be in where
the wind demon is.
Hmm. The fan is the symbol
belonging to the immortal
who originally banished
the wind demon.
I must gather chi
spell ingredients.
But there's no time.
Duh.
Ooh! Yaah!
Whoa-oh!
Unh, oh.
Oh, some set of pipes.
The, uh, valmont suite.
Ah, greetings, brother xiao.
See? I knew there were tunnels.
But I just broke out!
I demand to be
thrown into solitary.
I don't recognize him.
What's your prisoner number?
Ohh!
Jade.
Jade.
(Alarm blares) The
dragon talisman
is very dangerous.
Talk later. Chinchilla.
So, that's a chinchilla. Cute.
Change him back.
Fire in the hole.
Jade, stay here.
Tch, in a prison?
Well... ohh.
The way out's gotta be that way.
Nah, we just came from there.
Shendu, I have had enough
of your lost expedition!
Valmont: Shendu,
your brother is speaking to you.
Do not follow so closely, Jade,
and pay attention
to everything I do.
Waah!
So good to see you again.
In fact...
I'm all a-bluster.
(Inhales)
Back off, froggy!
Both: Aah!
Both: Waah!
Both: Unh!
(Xiao roars) Both: Aah!
(Inhales)
(Grunts)
(Grunts, gasps)
Where is uncle?!
Uncle: I am sorry.
I will bring this back.
Thank you.
Put a cork in it!
(Exhales)
Aah! Chinchil... aah!
(Gasps) Uh-oh.
Uncle: Ai-yaaah!
We will never find them.
Both: Whoa!
Unh. Ai-yaah.
Uncle, quickly!
Ah, Jackie. There you are.
Where is he?
(Gasps)
You are going to be sorry!
Xiao fung,
the chi spell will seal your doom!
One cannot cast what
one cannot catch.
(Inhales)
Wait! Let us get out of the way!
(Exhales)
Sensei!
Ai-yaah!
The talisman!
Rabbit talisman is very good,
but demon breath is better.
Tohru! Human wind shield!
(Uncle grunts)
(Grunts)
Shendu: The old man! Stop him!
Aah!
(Grunts)
Both: Unh!
Both: Whoa! Oh!
Heeya! Both: Oh!
Both: Unh!
(Incants in Chinese)
Sensei.
Uh-uh-uh.
Hi-yah!
Unh! Unh!
All: Aah!
All: Ooh!
(All cough)
Check it out, big v.
Jackie!
Fan the fan!
It's working!
Nooo!
Looks like it's off
to the wind in the willows
for Mr. toad.
Now, before we head home,
we must retrieve the talismans.
Ooh, right.
Huh?
What do you know?
His prisoner number checks out.
You're gettin' your
wish, Jackson.
It's solitary for you.
Uh, what? No!
I-I'm not chance Jackson!
Look at my face! My face!
Chinchilla! Chinchilla!
Hey, Jackie,
if you could be an animal,
which animal would you be?
I wanna be a eagle.
I remember, uh, I have a...
a eagle about this big.
Way up to look down.
Ok, nobody can chase you.
Very free, you know,
wherever I wanna go.
I think eagle.
Yes, that's the best animal I would be.
fung, the wind demon,
lies upon the seventh land mass,
4,000,001 cubits above
the Southern hemisphere,
beyond the placid forest,
nestled between
the rolling hills.
Uh, the only thing
I see nestlin'...
Is hollow lands penitentiary.
Valmont: Do you mean to tell
us that the demon portal
lies somewhere within
those prison walls, shendu?
Shendu: Do not take that tone with
me, valmont.
I did not build the fortress.
I've heard of
bustin' outta jail,
but breakin' in?
No problem.
I did a stretch here.
Rumor has it there are miles
of tunnels under the joint.
The pan ku box
mentioned no tunnels.
And I will not waste
time chasing windmills
when we can simply allow
ourselves to be taken prisoner.
Oh, no. I don't wanna go back.
Valmont and his pals have
been spotted downtown.
You in, Jackie? We're there.
Is your name Jackie?
(Scoffs)
Captain black,
I thought all dark hand matters
had been reassigned
to section 12.
That may be so,
but I'm not gonna sit pretty
while the dark hand
strolls into my backyard
to hand a hall pass
to a hobgoblin.
Captain black is in the house!
(Strained groans)
Valmont: As the head of an
international crime syndicate,
I refuse to expose myself
by robbing a common bank.
Shendu: You seem to
forget, valmont,
that in the event
of a stalemate,
I win.
Well?!
Must I remind you that the
portal cannot be opened
without the pan ku box,
which I cannot touch?!
Valmont: Let's get
this over with.
Capt. Black: Freeze, valmont!
All: We surrender.
You do? You do?
Capt. Black: Take 'em away.
(Chanting Chinese incantation)
What do you think, uncle... ow!
Do you see any demons?
Nooo.
That is because this
is a bank vault,
not a demon portal!
And for your long career
of federal crimes,
I sentence you to 50
years in hollow lands
maximum-security prison.
(Finn sobbing)
Yes, the dark hand has been
successfully shut down, sir, but...
Thank you. We are proud, sir.
But I want to
recommend that valmont
be reassigned to another
prison immediately.
I have reason to believe
that he orchestrated
their appointment
to hollow lands
in order to locate
a demon portal.
No, sir, I've never received
psychological counseling. Why?
Breathe deeply.
Eww, are you wearing Cologne?
Capt. Black: Aftershave.
They didn't believe
you, did they?
(Sighs) And if we
can't stop the demon
by moving valmont out,
we are going to have to move in.
You don't really mean
we, do you?
You in? Cool!
You're going undercover!
Bu-but, I don't want
to be a prison guard.
Not a guard, Jackie, an inmate.
Clearly, it's. of the utmost
importance that valmont and his men
not recognize you, Jackie.
Uh, the... the guards and warden
will know who I really am.
Right?
Jackie, no can do.
This is completely
under the radar.
Kepler: Smile.
Bwoah... ooh!
Oh!
Don't worry,
all you need to do
is mix your way
into valmont's gang
and get ahold of that pan ku box
before they open
the portal with it.
Oh, is that all?
Say ahhh.
Aah!
Jackie chan,
meet chance Jackson,
master criminal.
Prison is full of hard
cases, Jackie.
Your disguise is foolproof.
(Scoffs, snorts)
Hey, Jackie,
you off to the big house?
Wha... ut... grr!
Uh, good luck, chance.
If things get dicey,
just call and say the password,
chinchilla.
Uh, what's a chinchilla?
Oh, captain black,
your supervisors have requested
that we speak with you, ja?
Valmont: We can't find the portal
until the pan ku box arrives,
so we will just have to wait.
Well, we could've been traipsing
our way out through those tunnels
with our demon of
the week by now.
Alleged tunnels.
Anything's better than doin'
time, right, ratso?
Come on, let's.
Toss a few before lunch.
(Eagerly) They're
serving gruel again.
What? It's fun-food.
Bingo.
(Gruffly) Bingo!
Unh. Ooh, sorry.
(American accent) Er,
sorry I didn't rearrange your molecules!
Watch where you're
goin' next time.
So, uh, what are you in for?
Go away.
Chance Jackson, safecracker.
Big whoop!
I crack them with my head.
Hmm. You like baseball?
Ho ho, do I!
Aww, you guys oughta
give chance a chance.
He's one of us.
Probably why he
reminds me of somebody.
Howdy, guys. Chance!
You wrangled kitchen duty.
Supplies! Everyone back!
At ease.
A bit obvious, but...
What?!
Hey, that's the
warden's birthday cake!
You just won a free
trip to solitary.
Shendu, mentally: Valmont,
you are an imbecile!
Uh-oh.
Well, it's gotta be somewhere.
P.A.: All inmates report
to mess hall for lunch.
You're in safe hands now.
(Gasps)
No!
Goo... oh... aargh!
(Roaring, growling)
H-hello.
I am free!
Whoa. We struck demon.
Not any demon.
Xiao fung, demon of the wind.
Uh, like breakin' wind?
(Cries out)
Ooh-oh!
Like breaking bones.
You care to explain the
swipe-and-run, chance?
Easy on him. He found our boy.
Yeah!
Good instincts, buddy.
So, uh, what's with tumble dry?
Ahh, the sweet scent of freedom.
Uh, actually,
your breeziness, sir,
you're not exactly free.
No?
You're in the hoosegow. Prison.
This prison is paradise
compared to the ghastly
abyss I have escaped.
Whatever you say, chief,
but outside's even better.
Beaches, movies...
Yeah,
so why don't you huff and puff
and blow this big house down?
No! I... I mean...
You can't leave without your
boss, can you?
Where is shendu?
Uh, shendu's in valmont...
And valmont's in solitary.
Hmm.
If I do not free this valmont,
I will be burdened
with freeing.
My brothers and sisters.
Very well.
Whoa, you guys can do that?
Concealment seems prudent.
Demons appear to stick
out like sore thumbs
in this modern world.
Ooh, he's gonna blend
in undercover-like.
Get it, chance?
Uh, got it.
Uh, chinchilla.
What's a chinchilla?
That's the password.
Just get me captain black.
What do you mean,
he can't be disturbed?
Demon.
I see a demon.
And this one?
Socks worn by a
really big demon.
(American accent) Uncle,
it's, uh, me, your nephew.
What?
It does not sound like you.
What do you mean
you are in prison?
You are a bad influence on Jade.
Good thing it is not really you.
Who was that, uncle?
Eh, crank call.
Prince Albert in a can?
No, crazy talk about
demons and prisons.
(Gasps) Ai-yaah!
We're gonna create a diversion
so we can sneak into solitary.
What's the plan?
Both: Food fight!
(All yell)
Ratso: Psst. Chance.
Let's break for it.
(American accent)
So, we goin' or what?
I liked you.
(Normal voice) Uh-oh.
Hey, xiao, meet Jackie chan.
Nemesis to my brethren?
Ooh!
What just happened here?
Never mind. Solitary.
Aah! Unh!
Jade: Hi, Jackie.
Jade? Uncle?
How?
Tohru: Invisibility,
levitation, speed.
I borrowed some talismans
so we could bust you
out of the slammer.
Oh!
Well, I don't want to be out.
I want to be in where
the wind demon is.
Hmm. The fan is the symbol
belonging to the immortal
who originally banished
the wind demon.
I must gather chi
spell ingredients.
But there's no time.
Duh.
Ooh! Yaah!
Whoa-oh!
Unh, oh.
Oh, some set of pipes.
The, uh, valmont suite.
Ah, greetings, brother xiao.
See? I knew there were tunnels.
But I just broke out!
I demand to be
thrown into solitary.
I don't recognize him.
What's your prisoner number?
Ohh!
Jade.
Jade.
(Alarm blares) The
dragon talisman
is very dangerous.
Talk later. Chinchilla.
So, that's a chinchilla. Cute.
Change him back.
Fire in the hole.
Jade, stay here.
Tch, in a prison?
Well... ohh.
The way out's gotta be that way.
Nah, we just came from there.
Shendu, I have had enough
of your lost expedition!
Valmont: Shendu,
your brother is speaking to you.
Do not follow so closely, Jade,
and pay attention
to everything I do.
Waah!
So good to see you again.
In fact...
I'm all a-bluster.
(Inhales)
Back off, froggy!
Both: Aah!
Both: Waah!
Both: Unh!
(Xiao roars) Both: Aah!
(Inhales)
(Grunts)
(Grunts, gasps)
Where is uncle?!
Uncle: I am sorry.
I will bring this back.
Thank you.
Put a cork in it!
(Exhales)
Aah! Chinchil... aah!
(Gasps) Uh-oh.
Uncle: Ai-yaaah!
We will never find them.
Both: Whoa!
Unh. Ai-yaah.
Uncle, quickly!
Ah, Jackie. There you are.
Where is he?
(Gasps)
You are going to be sorry!
Xiao fung,
the chi spell will seal your doom!
One cannot cast what
one cannot catch.
(Inhales)
Wait! Let us get out of the way!
(Exhales)
Sensei!
Ai-yaah!
The talisman!
Rabbit talisman is very good,
but demon breath is better.
Tohru! Human wind shield!
(Uncle grunts)
(Grunts)
Shendu: The old man! Stop him!
Aah!
(Grunts)
Both: Unh!
Both: Whoa! Oh!
Heeya! Both: Oh!
Both: Unh!
(Incants in Chinese)
Sensei.
Uh-uh-uh.
Hi-yah!
Unh! Unh!
All: Aah!
All: Ooh!
(All cough)
Check it out, big v.
Jackie!
Fan the fan!
It's working!
Nooo!
Looks like it's off
to the wind in the willows
for Mr. toad.
Now, before we head home,
we must retrieve the talismans.
Ooh, right.
Huh?
What do you know?
His prisoner number checks out.
You're gettin' your
wish, Jackson.
It's solitary for you.
Uh, what? No!
I-I'm not chance Jackson!
Look at my face! My face!
Chinchilla! Chinchilla!
Hey, Jackie,
if you could be an animal,
which animal would you be?
I wanna be a eagle.
I remember, uh, I have a...
a eagle about this big.
Way up to look down.
Ok, nobody can chase you.
Very free, you know,
wherever I wanna go.
I think eagle.
Yes, that's the best animal I would be.