Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 2, Episode 7 - Jade Times Jade - full transcript
Shendu and the Dark Hand find a clue to the first gate that will enable him to release his sister, the Mountain Demon. Jackie goes to Japan to stop them, while Uncle begins to train his new apprentice Tohru. Meanwhile Jade causes havoc with a duplication spell.
Whoa.
Not even a scratch, big v...
I mean, uh, shendu, sir.
Try harder.
The pan ku box must be opened.
(Kung fu yell)
Charging rhino cracks walnut!
Uh, open sesame?
What a absurd waste of time.
Cheerio.
Unh!
Need I remind you, valmont...
That it is I who holds controlling
interest in this partnership,
and the sooner we
find the portals
and release my demon brethren,
the sooner you will have your
pathetic body to yourself.
Aah! Go! Open already!
Aah!
Remember,
I cannot touch good magic.
Uh, shen-dude.
Hey, it ain't no box.
It's a puzzle.
Ah. A map. To the first portal.
Uh, it says
we gotta find "that which
runs, but never walks
to the mouth which never talks."
A puzzle with a riddle.
Shendu: At last.
The demon sorcerers will
return and walk the earth,
casting their shadow
upon all human...
Ah. Tell me.
Someone wrote that down.
Anyone?
Uncle, please slow down.
You so need to chill.
If I chill, demons will be
dancing upon all our graves.
I must research the proper chi
spells to seal the 7 portals.
All required ingredients
must be on hand and ready.
Uh, uh, uncle.
Hmm? At least let me help.
What do you know about magic?
I was apprentice to chi
master fong for 15 years!
(Sighs) Perhaps it is time
for me to train an
apprentice of my own.
Someone of sound judgment
whom I can trust with
my chi knowledge.
Me... me... me!
I'll put some focus
in your hocus.
Tohru.
It won't budge.
Clearly the box's
way of telling us
we must find the first portal
before proceeding to the next.
Well, if our recollection
of the directions are accurate,
the portal which imprisons po
Kong, the mountain demon,
will be found in what is now
Tokyo, Japan.
(Snores)
Hey, t. Whatcha workin' on?
(Snores)
"Duplication spell
for beginners." Huh.
Uncle always says
this is his most valuable vase.
Time to double his money.
Whoa. Uncle is gonna beg
me to be his apprentice.
Jackie: Uncle.
Uncle.
Pack your things.
Captain black just informed me
that shendu is headed for Tokyo.
Do not move.
What? What is it? Ow!
Do you expect me to seal the demon
door with salt and pepper, no?
Then you go to Tokyo and find out
which demon we are dealing with
so I can research a proper chi spell.
Good night.
(Sighs) Yes, uncle.
Sounds like you could use my
help, Jackie-o,
and I've never been to Tokyo...
Jade, it's a school night.
Oh.
Now promise me
that you will stay here
and do your homework.
Promise.
I can do my homework
and go with Jackie.
Both: Whoa. Freaky.
Jinx! (Laughs)
Shendu: The map indicated
that we proceed
300 paces southeast
from the cherry blossom grove,
where we will follow that
which runs but never walks
to the mouth which never talks.
Chow: I don't see
any cherry blossoms.
That wretched box is
thousands of years old.
There have clearly
been some developments
in the landscape since then.
Ooh.
Ooh, looky- looky-looky-looky.
No, ratso. You can't have one.
Don't you see?
It runs on batteries but doesn't walk,
and it's got a mouth.
No way it talks.
I suppose it's worth a look.
That which runs but never walks.
I've got your back, Jack.
Tokyo is mondo coolio,
don't ya think?
(Gasps) What are you doing here?
Tch. Like I was gonna miss this.
But my homework...
We promised Jackie.
No. You promised Jackie.
Uncle: Aiyeeya!
(Grunts) Uncle? Ow!
You cast a lousy spell.
I did?
My one-of-a-kind vase
is no longer one-of-a-kind.
(Uncle gasps)
One more thing.
You can tag along,
but no more surprises, capisce?
Both: Uh, surprise?
Jade: Uh...
What just happened here?
Talk later. Let's roll.
Wait!
No portals to demon worlds here.
Unh!
Hey!
Jade: Jackie!
I'm open!
Jade, what are you doing...
Why do I bother to ask?
Got it!
Get her!
I got her! (Pants)
No, I got her!
What do you mean? I got her...
But she don't got the box.
Ooh! Unh!
Jade, where's the box?
Uh... (Growls)
Gazelle pounce!
Good.
Go hide.
Jade, please,
I told you to hide.
Did not.
Oh, bad day, bad day, bad day.
All: Unh!
(Growls) Angry
crow takes flight!
No, no, no!
All: Aah!
All: Aah!
All: Jackie!
I'll teach you to take things
that don't belong to you, chan!
I have a better idea.
Hello.
Three's a crowd.
Jackie, are you ok?
Oh...
I landed on the box.
Whoa.
Belly flop.
Uncle: Full line
atop 2 broken lines.
Jackie, that is a trigram
of the mountain demon.
I will gather chi
ingredients and come at once.
Allow me to assist you, master.
Why? You are a lousy apprentice.
But I did not cast
the duplicator spell.
Blah.
If you did not, then who did?
Can't you guys just pull
yourselves together?
Hey, don't look at
us, Copperfield.
You're the one who
cast the spell.
Jackie: Jade...
Have you been
contemplating the riddle?
Sure. What riddle was
that, uncle Jackie?
(Sighs) The riddle we must
solve before shendu does.
Runs but never walks.
Mouth but never talks.
Where were you two?
Hello. Ice.
So maybe you can, like, chill.
Quick! Hide!
Mouth but doesn't talk.
Runs but never...
Waa! Quick, Jackie.
Look out the window.
Window? What are you talking...
(Gasps)
Jackie: Jade, you are a genius.
I am?
A river runs but never walks.
Has a mouth which never talks.
The sumiya river must
lead to the portal.
Waa!
Jackie, don't worry.
I can explain everything.
(All chuckle) Hi, Jackie.
All: Mmm. Boy, this is good.
Uh, uh, when uncle arrives,
tell him where to find me.
Can't I come, Jackie?
They're getting on my nerves.
(Chuckles) But you
have so much in common.
You will have to stay here.
All of you.
All: Oh, Jackie. Do we have to?
Valmont: When in doubt...
Allow Jackie chan to
do the grunt work.
Heave, ho!
How do we know chan's even warm?
I don't see any portals.
Yeah, just.
A souvenir stand, and...
Many thanks for leading us
here, chan.
So, how are we gonna
open the portal?
Whoa.
Behold! The triumphant
return of my sister,
po Kong, the mountain demon.
Must be his big sister.
Enough fanfare.
What's for supper?
Bon appetit.
(Slurps) Mmm, an hors d'oeuvre.
Oh, no! Unh!
Aah! Come back here, you!
(Gasps) Hurry, uncle.
Aah!
Aah! Ooh!
Unh!
Hut!
Unh! Aah!
(Roars)
(Inhales)
Aah!
Ow!
Aah!
Mmm. (Slurps)
Jade: Hey, big Bertha.
Mmm. It's not polite
to play with your food.
Hmm, another tiny portion.
All: Tch.
All: Whoa.
(Laughs)
Whoa!
Finger food.
All: You mean knuckle sandwich.
Yaa! Po: Unh!
Waa!
Aah! Aah!
(All grunt)
The chi spell, tohru.
(Jades roar)
Jades: Get her!
Keep her pinned down
till uncle casts the chi spell!
Jades! Be careful!
(Thugs grunt)
Unh! Nice try, girls.
Unh! Unh!
Now the drum.
Uh, drum?
The symbol of the immortal
who originally
imprisoned po Kong.
(Gulps) I...
I thought you had it.
Aiyeeeya!
What kind of apprentice are you?
A lousy one.
Uncle!
(Speaking Chinese)
Jackie!
Drum must be struck 3 times!
No!
Enough.
(Grunts)
All: Look out! Whoa!
Aaaah!
All: Whoa!
All: Aah!
No!
All: Unh! Oh.
Oh!
Uncle...
Jackie: The pan ku box.
I think there is a
bigger problem to solve.
(Sighs) I must do research.
Uh, no need, master.
I believe no finishing charm
was applied to the
original duplication spell.
That is why it
continues to repeat.
Huh?
Uh, I did some reading
during the long flight.
Tohru will be a good apprentice.
Did you bring the
finishing charm?
Mmm, but it will only
work on the original Jade.
Jade!
All: Pick me! Over here!
(Grunts) I... ok.
Whoever cast the spell in
the first place is grounded
with no TV for a year.
(All gasp) She did it!
Tch. Tattletales.
- Hey, Jackie.
- Yes?
Have you ever refused
to do a stunt?
Yes. When I design a stunt,
I'm thinking,
"yes, I can do it."
Suppose I go out the window
on the roof... boom!
Land on the car with
all the luggage,
then I slide down,
then open the door,
go to the car in one shot.
Then you can see tod... tod...
chu-chu... chu... chu!
I like to do these
kind of things.
It was something I cannot do
is fly over the...
the Grand Canyon.
No, I'm not gonna do that.
Not even a scratch, big v...
I mean, uh, shendu, sir.
Try harder.
The pan ku box must be opened.
(Kung fu yell)
Charging rhino cracks walnut!
Uh, open sesame?
What a absurd waste of time.
Cheerio.
Unh!
Need I remind you, valmont...
That it is I who holds controlling
interest in this partnership,
and the sooner we
find the portals
and release my demon brethren,
the sooner you will have your
pathetic body to yourself.
Aah! Go! Open already!
Aah!
Remember,
I cannot touch good magic.
Uh, shen-dude.
Hey, it ain't no box.
It's a puzzle.
Ah. A map. To the first portal.
Uh, it says
we gotta find "that which
runs, but never walks
to the mouth which never talks."
A puzzle with a riddle.
Shendu: At last.
The demon sorcerers will
return and walk the earth,
casting their shadow
upon all human...
Ah. Tell me.
Someone wrote that down.
Anyone?
Uncle, please slow down.
You so need to chill.
If I chill, demons will be
dancing upon all our graves.
I must research the proper chi
spells to seal the 7 portals.
All required ingredients
must be on hand and ready.
Uh, uh, uncle.
Hmm? At least let me help.
What do you know about magic?
I was apprentice to chi
master fong for 15 years!
(Sighs) Perhaps it is time
for me to train an
apprentice of my own.
Someone of sound judgment
whom I can trust with
my chi knowledge.
Me... me... me!
I'll put some focus
in your hocus.
Tohru.
It won't budge.
Clearly the box's
way of telling us
we must find the first portal
before proceeding to the next.
Well, if our recollection
of the directions are accurate,
the portal which imprisons po
Kong, the mountain demon,
will be found in what is now
Tokyo, Japan.
(Snores)
Hey, t. Whatcha workin' on?
(Snores)
"Duplication spell
for beginners." Huh.
Uncle always says
this is his most valuable vase.
Time to double his money.
Whoa. Uncle is gonna beg
me to be his apprentice.
Jackie: Uncle.
Uncle.
Pack your things.
Captain black just informed me
that shendu is headed for Tokyo.
Do not move.
What? What is it? Ow!
Do you expect me to seal the demon
door with salt and pepper, no?
Then you go to Tokyo and find out
which demon we are dealing with
so I can research a proper chi spell.
Good night.
(Sighs) Yes, uncle.
Sounds like you could use my
help, Jackie-o,
and I've never been to Tokyo...
Jade, it's a school night.
Oh.
Now promise me
that you will stay here
and do your homework.
Promise.
I can do my homework
and go with Jackie.
Both: Whoa. Freaky.
Jinx! (Laughs)
Shendu: The map indicated
that we proceed
300 paces southeast
from the cherry blossom grove,
where we will follow that
which runs but never walks
to the mouth which never talks.
Chow: I don't see
any cherry blossoms.
That wretched box is
thousands of years old.
There have clearly
been some developments
in the landscape since then.
Ooh.
Ooh, looky- looky-looky-looky.
No, ratso. You can't have one.
Don't you see?
It runs on batteries but doesn't walk,
and it's got a mouth.
No way it talks.
I suppose it's worth a look.
That which runs but never walks.
I've got your back, Jack.
Tokyo is mondo coolio,
don't ya think?
(Gasps) What are you doing here?
Tch. Like I was gonna miss this.
But my homework...
We promised Jackie.
No. You promised Jackie.
Uncle: Aiyeeya!
(Grunts) Uncle? Ow!
You cast a lousy spell.
I did?
My one-of-a-kind vase
is no longer one-of-a-kind.
(Uncle gasps)
One more thing.
You can tag along,
but no more surprises, capisce?
Both: Uh, surprise?
Jade: Uh...
What just happened here?
Talk later. Let's roll.
Wait!
No portals to demon worlds here.
Unh!
Hey!
Jade: Jackie!
I'm open!
Jade, what are you doing...
Why do I bother to ask?
Got it!
Get her!
I got her! (Pants)
No, I got her!
What do you mean? I got her...
But she don't got the box.
Ooh! Unh!
Jade, where's the box?
Uh... (Growls)
Gazelle pounce!
Good.
Go hide.
Jade, please,
I told you to hide.
Did not.
Oh, bad day, bad day, bad day.
All: Unh!
(Growls) Angry
crow takes flight!
No, no, no!
All: Aah!
All: Aah!
All: Jackie!
I'll teach you to take things
that don't belong to you, chan!
I have a better idea.
Hello.
Three's a crowd.
Jackie, are you ok?
Oh...
I landed on the box.
Whoa.
Belly flop.
Uncle: Full line
atop 2 broken lines.
Jackie, that is a trigram
of the mountain demon.
I will gather chi
ingredients and come at once.
Allow me to assist you, master.
Why? You are a lousy apprentice.
But I did not cast
the duplicator spell.
Blah.
If you did not, then who did?
Can't you guys just pull
yourselves together?
Hey, don't look at
us, Copperfield.
You're the one who
cast the spell.
Jackie: Jade...
Have you been
contemplating the riddle?
Sure. What riddle was
that, uncle Jackie?
(Sighs) The riddle we must
solve before shendu does.
Runs but never walks.
Mouth but never talks.
Where were you two?
Hello. Ice.
So maybe you can, like, chill.
Quick! Hide!
Mouth but doesn't talk.
Runs but never...
Waa! Quick, Jackie.
Look out the window.
Window? What are you talking...
(Gasps)
Jackie: Jade, you are a genius.
I am?
A river runs but never walks.
Has a mouth which never talks.
The sumiya river must
lead to the portal.
Waa!
Jackie, don't worry.
I can explain everything.
(All chuckle) Hi, Jackie.
All: Mmm. Boy, this is good.
Uh, uh, when uncle arrives,
tell him where to find me.
Can't I come, Jackie?
They're getting on my nerves.
(Chuckles) But you
have so much in common.
You will have to stay here.
All of you.
All: Oh, Jackie. Do we have to?
Valmont: When in doubt...
Allow Jackie chan to
do the grunt work.
Heave, ho!
How do we know chan's even warm?
I don't see any portals.
Yeah, just.
A souvenir stand, and...
Many thanks for leading us
here, chan.
So, how are we gonna
open the portal?
Whoa.
Behold! The triumphant
return of my sister,
po Kong, the mountain demon.
Must be his big sister.
Enough fanfare.
What's for supper?
Bon appetit.
(Slurps) Mmm, an hors d'oeuvre.
Oh, no! Unh!
Aah! Come back here, you!
(Gasps) Hurry, uncle.
Aah!
Aah! Ooh!
Unh!
Hut!
Unh! Aah!
(Roars)
(Inhales)
Aah!
Ow!
Aah!
Mmm. (Slurps)
Jade: Hey, big Bertha.
Mmm. It's not polite
to play with your food.
Hmm, another tiny portion.
All: Tch.
All: Whoa.
(Laughs)
Whoa!
Finger food.
All: You mean knuckle sandwich.
Yaa! Po: Unh!
Waa!
Aah! Aah!
(All grunt)
The chi spell, tohru.
(Jades roar)
Jades: Get her!
Keep her pinned down
till uncle casts the chi spell!
Jades! Be careful!
(Thugs grunt)
Unh! Nice try, girls.
Unh! Unh!
Now the drum.
Uh, drum?
The symbol of the immortal
who originally
imprisoned po Kong.
(Gulps) I...
I thought you had it.
Aiyeeeya!
What kind of apprentice are you?
A lousy one.
Uncle!
(Speaking Chinese)
Jackie!
Drum must be struck 3 times!
No!
Enough.
(Grunts)
All: Look out! Whoa!
Aaaah!
All: Whoa!
All: Aah!
No!
All: Unh! Oh.
Oh!
Uncle...
Jackie: The pan ku box.
I think there is a
bigger problem to solve.
(Sighs) I must do research.
Uh, no need, master.
I believe no finishing charm
was applied to the
original duplication spell.
That is why it
continues to repeat.
Huh?
Uh, I did some reading
during the long flight.
Tohru will be a good apprentice.
Did you bring the
finishing charm?
Mmm, but it will only
work on the original Jade.
Jade!
All: Pick me! Over here!
(Grunts) I... ok.
Whoever cast the spell in
the first place is grounded
with no TV for a year.
(All gasp) She did it!
Tch. Tattletales.
- Hey, Jackie.
- Yes?
Have you ever refused
to do a stunt?
Yes. When I design a stunt,
I'm thinking,
"yes, I can do it."
Suppose I go out the window
on the roof... boom!
Land on the car with
all the luggage,
then I slide down,
then open the door,
go to the car in one shot.
Then you can see tod... tod...
chu-chu... chu... chu!
I like to do these
kind of things.
It was something I cannot do
is fly over the...
the Grand Canyon.
No, I'm not gonna do that.