Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 2, Episode 6 - The J-Team - full transcript
Shendu is back and he's inside Valmont's body. They break into Uncle's shop and steal a book, then leave the country. While Jackie and Uncle make preparations to follow them, Jade calls some old friends to form the J Team.
Jackie, robbery in progress.
It's the dark hand.
They're packing heat.
Talisman heat.
Our spell will keep you bound
within the human
of your choosing.
Until you release us.
Shendu: And the human most
capable for this task...
Jackie chan.
Yi-ahh!
Finn: Uh, big v? Shendu's back.
Destroy them!
Jackie: But I don't understand.
Valmont can't summon
the shadowkhan.
Only shendu.
Reports of my demise
have been greatly
exaggerated, chan.
I'll take the guy
in the ninja suit.
Better idea.
Yaah!
Ohh!
Ohh! Unh!
(Uncle chanting magic spell)
Whew!
Whoa.
Unc, that was some magic.
Heh! Simple chi spell.
Many others in my book.
So the big bad dragon is back,
and he's packing the talismans?
Talismans are not important!
Shendu is a spirit now.
Not even the talismans
can change that.
So you figure he's
onto something
bigger, mi compadre?
The book shendu
stole from my library
is a key to understanding
his motives.
But which volume did he steal?
How do I know?!
We must take inventory!
So all these books have spells...
ow!
Do not touch!
Aww.
This is bigger than
valmont, sir.
The dragon is back
from the grave.
Correct,
the one with the magic talismans.
I didn't believe it
either, sir, until I...
Uh, yes, I feel fine.
Jackie, we can't move!
The bad guys are...
Too powerful for one
archaeologist to stop, Jade.
They'll still need you to
consult, right?
Jackie, I just spoke with
my superiors in Washington.
Are they sending reinforcements?
They're...
Reassigning all dark hand matters
to section 12.
I never should've
used the "m" word.
But there's no time to lose.
The mainframe indicates that
valmont has just left the country.
But how will you...
My hands may be tied, Jackie,
but yours aren't.
But I have to go, Jade.
Jackie,
you can't face shendu alone.
You need back-up.
That's why I'm
going to get uncle.
Uncle's just the brains.
You need muscle on your team.
Hmph!
And I know just where
to find you some.
(Telephone rings)
Buenos dias.
El toro fuerte!
El toro: Si?
It is for you.
Jade?
Well, what do you know?
Uncle: We cannot
leave until we know
what shendu is planning,
and we cannot know that
until we know
which book he took.
(Door bells jingle)
Go away!
We are closed for inventory.
We are not customers.
Jackie! A burglar!
Wha... oh!
Uncle, he is no thief!
He is... ow!
Of course he is a thief!
He is wearing a mask!
Oh, no, no, no!
El toro fuerte never
removes his mask.
You!
Dark hand enemy!
Aah!
Jackie!
Ahh! Ohh! Oop!
Aah!
Whaa!
Ohh! Thank you... bwha!
I've heard of a bull in a China
shop, Jackie...
But two?
Viper?!
No thieves allowed in uncle's...
ow!
How can she be the thief?
She is not wearing a mask
and wrecking my store.
Both: Aah!
Stop! Tohru is... aah!
On our side now.
Chan tells the truth.
Sorry.
Ohh.
All right!
Viper, El toro, you made it.
Who invited you?
I am El toro's protege.
Wherever he goes, I go.
Ok, paco.
But try not to get in the way
while Jackie's kicking butt.
But it is El toro fuerte
who will be kicking the
butt, Jade.
Jackie. El toro.
Jackie! El toro!
Jackie! El toro!
Jade, explain.
It's your team! Duh!
The j-team! The chan clan!
The chan-tastic five!
Chan-tastic?
5! See, you and me make 2...
And then there's viper...
And El toro makes 4...
And I, paco,
am the fifth member of the j-team!
I actually had someone less...
Puny in mind.
I am honored.
I am sorry you all
came here for nothing,
but I didn't realize
my niece read so
many comic books.
I cannot accept your help.
Never pegged you as the macho
type, Jackie.
I especially cannot accept
help from a super-thief.
Ex-super-thief.
Went legit after the
pink puma fiasco.
Uncle: Hotcha!
The missing book!
Which one is it?
A guide to ancient artifacts
located in Tibet.
Ancient magic àartifacts, I bet.
Ahh!
The pan ku box.
Soon my demon
brethren shall be free
and their new reign
of terror will begin.
Jackie: Captain black
managed to pull some strings.
He has a jet waiting.
Ok, team, let's move out!
Jade, there is no team.
Oh? These jteam jackets
say you're wrong.
Ack! Ugh!
Tohru,
tend the shop and watch Jade.
The rest of you...
Get out!
Valmont's voice: It's my body,
and I say we're going home!
Shendu's voice:
You dare defy me?!
My hair!
You will suffer for... aah!
Get out of my head!
Aah! Hss!
You mortal...
So, uh, who we rooting for?
Tohru: Uh,
I don't know about this, Jade.
Uncle's instructions
were very clear.
Uh-huh.
He said to tend to the shop
and watch me.
Since I'm skipping town,
you can't do both.
And seor uncle told all of us
to get out of his
shop, so we did.
(Sighs) We must
stop for the night.
But what about shendu?
We need to hurry... ow!
You want uncle to help
defeat the ultimate evil, yes?
Then uncle needs his rest!
(Gargling)
(Yawn) Lucky for us
valmont got all worn out
slapping himself silly.
Yeah, I'm bushed.
Ratso: Good night, Finn.
Night, ratso.
Good night, talismans.
(Ratso snoring)
What are you doing here?
What's it look like?
Thank you. Now go away.
Go away yourself.
I'm the super-thief, remember?
Ex-super-thief.
Just give me! No!
Let me have... don't!
No!
Slumbering Bear greets the Dawn!
Way to go.
Hungry wolf slaughters lamb!
(Whistles)
Tohru, buddy!
You're alive.
Good to see you.
Tohru's a traitor!
Then give him a
taste of talisman.
Our powers! My pants!
Buenos noches, à muchachos!
(Snoring)
They have the talismans!
Sorry.
I trust you all
had plenty of rest.
Now follow me!
Jackie! El toro!
No yelling!
Uncle cannot sleep with... ohh!
Tohru?
If you are here,
who is tending my shop?
Uh...
Don't worry, uncle,
it's covered.
Chi spells. Hmm.
Look what you did!
Hey, it's not my fault
you're not a team player.
We only wished to help.
And without us you
would've been pulverized.
I was pulverized!
And the dark hand still
has all the talismans!
I told you!
Talismans are not important!
Of course talismans
are important.
Talismans are not important!
Talismans are very important!
Not important! Very important!
Jackie: It's your fault
we lost the talismans!
No, it's your fault!
The grown-ups are
staring to sound like us.
And we don't have
time for kid stuff.
Come on. We gotta follow shendu.
We will take them down?
Uh-uh.
They're packing talismans.
But we're wily.
(All arguing)
I don't know why I'm
listening to you.
I'm doing this for Jade.
Jade?
Paco?
Both: Where are the children?!
Ahh! The pan ku box!
Quickly! Take it!
Uh, why don't you take it?
I cannot touch it.
It is forged of good magic.
And I, most decidedly, am not.
Well, if nobody wants it,
pan ku very much!
Exterminate the
pests permanently!
Ohh! Ohh!
Don't worry.
Jackie will rescue us.
No, El toro will rescue us.
Jackie. El toro.
Jackie! El toro!
Jackie! El toro!
Jackie! El toro!
Ohh! Look!
Jade & paco: The j-team!
Let them go.
Ooh, you're gonna get it now.
Yeaah!
Aah! Good magic!
Come on!
Wait here.
Grr!
Flying dragon corkscrew!
Horse tail swatting flies!
Ohh!
Inscriptions.
Invisibility and speed!
I'll kick your butt
in fast-forward.
Gotta work on the brakes.
Hey, Finn, can I bum a talisman?
Kind of busy here...
Hey, hey, hey!
Heat beams! Sweet!
Hey, my glasses!
Mad monkey kung fu!
Octopus fits of fury!
Shredding lion claws!
Minnows wallops whale!
I'm sorry,
what was the last part?
I said minnow... aah!
"What was that last part?"
I wasn't going to use these,
but now you've made me mad!
Astral projection? Gaah!
Ow!
Aah!
Jackie, we gotta get the...
Talk later, Jade!
Rrr!
Hey!
I'm going out on a limb here,
but it looks like
you need contacts.
Maybe... aah!
You won't be needing this
aah! Oh! Oh! Ahh!
Oh! Oh! Aah!
Oh, Jackie!
Ohh!
Come on!
Give me somebody!
Who's strong like ox
now, eh, El toro?
Now you, skinny.
Unh! Ohh!
Yin-Yang! The power of balance!
You will be unable to knock me...
oof!
Spiritual balance, hak fool.
Unh... oof!
You are blocking my light!
(All moaning)
Looking for these?
Run!
We have all 12 talismans!
Talismans are not important!
The inscriptions are.
It's the dark hand.
They're packing heat.
Talisman heat.
Our spell will keep you bound
within the human
of your choosing.
Until you release us.
Shendu: And the human most
capable for this task...
Jackie chan.
Yi-ahh!
Finn: Uh, big v? Shendu's back.
Destroy them!
Jackie: But I don't understand.
Valmont can't summon
the shadowkhan.
Only shendu.
Reports of my demise
have been greatly
exaggerated, chan.
I'll take the guy
in the ninja suit.
Better idea.
Yaah!
Ohh!
Ohh! Unh!
(Uncle chanting magic spell)
Whew!
Whoa.
Unc, that was some magic.
Heh! Simple chi spell.
Many others in my book.
So the big bad dragon is back,
and he's packing the talismans?
Talismans are not important!
Shendu is a spirit now.
Not even the talismans
can change that.
So you figure he's
onto something
bigger, mi compadre?
The book shendu
stole from my library
is a key to understanding
his motives.
But which volume did he steal?
How do I know?!
We must take inventory!
So all these books have spells...
ow!
Do not touch!
Aww.
This is bigger than
valmont, sir.
The dragon is back
from the grave.
Correct,
the one with the magic talismans.
I didn't believe it
either, sir, until I...
Uh, yes, I feel fine.
Jackie, we can't move!
The bad guys are...
Too powerful for one
archaeologist to stop, Jade.
They'll still need you to
consult, right?
Jackie, I just spoke with
my superiors in Washington.
Are they sending reinforcements?
They're...
Reassigning all dark hand matters
to section 12.
I never should've
used the "m" word.
But there's no time to lose.
The mainframe indicates that
valmont has just left the country.
But how will you...
My hands may be tied, Jackie,
but yours aren't.
But I have to go, Jade.
Jackie,
you can't face shendu alone.
You need back-up.
That's why I'm
going to get uncle.
Uncle's just the brains.
You need muscle on your team.
Hmph!
And I know just where
to find you some.
(Telephone rings)
Buenos dias.
El toro fuerte!
El toro: Si?
It is for you.
Jade?
Well, what do you know?
Uncle: We cannot
leave until we know
what shendu is planning,
and we cannot know that
until we know
which book he took.
(Door bells jingle)
Go away!
We are closed for inventory.
We are not customers.
Jackie! A burglar!
Wha... oh!
Uncle, he is no thief!
He is... ow!
Of course he is a thief!
He is wearing a mask!
Oh, no, no, no!
El toro fuerte never
removes his mask.
You!
Dark hand enemy!
Aah!
Jackie!
Ahh! Ohh! Oop!
Aah!
Whaa!
Ohh! Thank you... bwha!
I've heard of a bull in a China
shop, Jackie...
But two?
Viper?!
No thieves allowed in uncle's...
ow!
How can she be the thief?
She is not wearing a mask
and wrecking my store.
Both: Aah!
Stop! Tohru is... aah!
On our side now.
Chan tells the truth.
Sorry.
Ohh.
All right!
Viper, El toro, you made it.
Who invited you?
I am El toro's protege.
Wherever he goes, I go.
Ok, paco.
But try not to get in the way
while Jackie's kicking butt.
But it is El toro fuerte
who will be kicking the
butt, Jade.
Jackie. El toro.
Jackie! El toro!
Jackie! El toro!
Jade, explain.
It's your team! Duh!
The j-team! The chan clan!
The chan-tastic five!
Chan-tastic?
5! See, you and me make 2...
And then there's viper...
And El toro makes 4...
And I, paco,
am the fifth member of the j-team!
I actually had someone less...
Puny in mind.
I am honored.
I am sorry you all
came here for nothing,
but I didn't realize
my niece read so
many comic books.
I cannot accept your help.
Never pegged you as the macho
type, Jackie.
I especially cannot accept
help from a super-thief.
Ex-super-thief.
Went legit after the
pink puma fiasco.
Uncle: Hotcha!
The missing book!
Which one is it?
A guide to ancient artifacts
located in Tibet.
Ancient magic àartifacts, I bet.
Ahh!
The pan ku box.
Soon my demon
brethren shall be free
and their new reign
of terror will begin.
Jackie: Captain black
managed to pull some strings.
He has a jet waiting.
Ok, team, let's move out!
Jade, there is no team.
Oh? These jteam jackets
say you're wrong.
Ack! Ugh!
Tohru,
tend the shop and watch Jade.
The rest of you...
Get out!
Valmont's voice: It's my body,
and I say we're going home!
Shendu's voice:
You dare defy me?!
My hair!
You will suffer for... aah!
Get out of my head!
Aah! Hss!
You mortal...
So, uh, who we rooting for?
Tohru: Uh,
I don't know about this, Jade.
Uncle's instructions
were very clear.
Uh-huh.
He said to tend to the shop
and watch me.
Since I'm skipping town,
you can't do both.
And seor uncle told all of us
to get out of his
shop, so we did.
(Sighs) We must
stop for the night.
But what about shendu?
We need to hurry... ow!
You want uncle to help
defeat the ultimate evil, yes?
Then uncle needs his rest!
(Gargling)
(Yawn) Lucky for us
valmont got all worn out
slapping himself silly.
Yeah, I'm bushed.
Ratso: Good night, Finn.
Night, ratso.
Good night, talismans.
(Ratso snoring)
What are you doing here?
What's it look like?
Thank you. Now go away.
Go away yourself.
I'm the super-thief, remember?
Ex-super-thief.
Just give me! No!
Let me have... don't!
No!
Slumbering Bear greets the Dawn!
Way to go.
Hungry wolf slaughters lamb!
(Whistles)
Tohru, buddy!
You're alive.
Good to see you.
Tohru's a traitor!
Then give him a
taste of talisman.
Our powers! My pants!
Buenos noches, à muchachos!
(Snoring)
They have the talismans!
Sorry.
I trust you all
had plenty of rest.
Now follow me!
Jackie! El toro!
No yelling!
Uncle cannot sleep with... ohh!
Tohru?
If you are here,
who is tending my shop?
Uh...
Don't worry, uncle,
it's covered.
Chi spells. Hmm.
Look what you did!
Hey, it's not my fault
you're not a team player.
We only wished to help.
And without us you
would've been pulverized.
I was pulverized!
And the dark hand still
has all the talismans!
I told you!
Talismans are not important!
Of course talismans
are important.
Talismans are not important!
Talismans are very important!
Not important! Very important!
Jackie: It's your fault
we lost the talismans!
No, it's your fault!
The grown-ups are
staring to sound like us.
And we don't have
time for kid stuff.
Come on. We gotta follow shendu.
We will take them down?
Uh-uh.
They're packing talismans.
But we're wily.
(All arguing)
I don't know why I'm
listening to you.
I'm doing this for Jade.
Jade?
Paco?
Both: Where are the children?!
Ahh! The pan ku box!
Quickly! Take it!
Uh, why don't you take it?
I cannot touch it.
It is forged of good magic.
And I, most decidedly, am not.
Well, if nobody wants it,
pan ku very much!
Exterminate the
pests permanently!
Ohh! Ohh!
Don't worry.
Jackie will rescue us.
No, El toro will rescue us.
Jackie. El toro.
Jackie! El toro!
Jackie! El toro!
Jackie! El toro!
Ohh! Look!
Jade & paco: The j-team!
Let them go.
Ooh, you're gonna get it now.
Yeaah!
Aah! Good magic!
Come on!
Wait here.
Grr!
Flying dragon corkscrew!
Horse tail swatting flies!
Ohh!
Inscriptions.
Invisibility and speed!
I'll kick your butt
in fast-forward.
Gotta work on the brakes.
Hey, Finn, can I bum a talisman?
Kind of busy here...
Hey, hey, hey!
Heat beams! Sweet!
Hey, my glasses!
Mad monkey kung fu!
Octopus fits of fury!
Shredding lion claws!
Minnows wallops whale!
I'm sorry,
what was the last part?
I said minnow... aah!
"What was that last part?"
I wasn't going to use these,
but now you've made me mad!
Astral projection? Gaah!
Ow!
Aah!
Jackie, we gotta get the...
Talk later, Jade!
Rrr!
Hey!
I'm going out on a limb here,
but it looks like
you need contacts.
Maybe... aah!
You won't be needing this
aah! Oh! Oh! Ahh!
Oh! Oh! Aah!
Oh, Jackie!
Ohh!
Come on!
Give me somebody!
Who's strong like ox
now, eh, El toro?
Now you, skinny.
Unh! Ohh!
Yin-Yang! The power of balance!
You will be unable to knock me...
oof!
Spiritual balance, hak fool.
Unh... oof!
You are blocking my light!
(All moaning)
Looking for these?
Run!
We have all 12 talismans!
Talismans are not important!
The inscriptions are.