Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 2, Episode 4 - Mother of All Battles - full transcript

Tea.

It is about time!

Oh!

Hey, tohru,

the Japanese cultural
expo starts tomorrow.

Wall-to-wall music, food,
and the coolest techno gear.

(Groans)

Uh, something the matter?

Uncle: Forgetting tea
is what is the matter!

This is a pot of water.

Oh, sorry.



You've been acting
all weird lately.

Come on, you can tell me.

It's uncle, right?
That garlic smell?

It's my mother.

What, is she sick or...
You have a mom?

She is arriving from Japan

to attend the expo.

She is a big fan of kare noke

and her yodeling kabukis.

The screechy country singer?
Yuck!

But what's so yuck about
a visit from your mom?

(Groans)

I am the black sheep.

All I've ever wanted



was for my mother
to be proud of me.

Well, she will be. Look at you.

You're handsome and...

Big.

You've got, uh... You're big.

You do not understand.

My mother is very
hard to please.

Tea.

Thank you.

(Gasps)

(Gasps)

Mommy.

Mommy? Mommy?

This where you live?

(Groans)

You gave up good job

with nice Mr. valmont for this?

Nice?

Hello? Doesn't she
know valmont's a crook?

No, and please do not tell her.

My son...

A servant in a junk shop!

Junk shop?

This is an antique store.

Huh! Only antique I see
is the Billy goat there.

Billy goat!

Mommy. Hush up!

Dragon lady should
watch her forked tongue

unless she wants
a piece of uncle.

Huh!
I would sweep floor with you.

And this floor needs it.

Ugh.

Evil eye cannot work on me.

Huh! What junk seller
know about work?

Please, both of you.

Tohru's mother has jet lag

from her long flight.

My uncle is stressed

from working all
night on translations.

(Telephone rings)

Phone call.

Hello?

Hope I didn't catch you

in the middle of
anything, Jackie.

Uh, uncle and tohru's mom
are getting acquainted.

Ah. Family time.

Mom: Cheap junk.

Tsing dynasty.

Black: Could be trouble
brewing on the horizon.

Oh!

Believe me, I know.

The octopus will be on
exhibit at the Japanese expo.

I'd feel better
if you were there

to assist with security.

Uh, you want me to guard a fish?

Actually, octopuses aren't fish.
They're multipods.

Octopi.

Please behave!

Sorry.

Grammar was never my
best subject in school.

Oh, you mean the Kyoto octopus.

It is the most famous relic

of the komodo dynasty.

Intelligence sources indicate

that the yokanawa crime family

has the octopus in its sights.

Huh! Why don't you get
some light in here?

Thought bats could
see in the dark.

This must stop!

My thinking exactly.

I'll set it up.

Thanks for you help, Jackie.

Huh?

Ugh. Dragon lady
waste of my energy.

Must get back to work.

Fine!

Show me my room, tohru.

Uncle: No room here!

What do you think,
this is a hotel?

Only for roaches.

Your hotel, mommy.

A boy your age,
doesn't even own a car.

Makes his mother
walk in a typhoon!

Oh.

Does it have fish?

This is a Sushi restaurant.

Everything has fish.

I hate fish.

Miso soup. Uh, small.

Hey, isn't that the mountain

that does the knuckle
crunching for valmont?

Not anymore.

Ain't you heard?
He's gone straight.

The bigger they are,
the faster they go soft.

Ha ha!
Looks like a real mama's boy.

Your soup.

(Slurps)

(Panting)

Can I offer you a ride?

I will walk.

Come on, tohru.

It is tohru, isn't it?

I'll drop you anywhere you say.

Oh.

Boss: Plush, right?

This baby's outfitted
with the works.

Fridge, computer...

Tohru: Soda?

May I have the grape?

Sure. Whatever you like.

Ahh.

Grape is my favorite.

That's 'cause you
got good taste.

So, uh, tohru,

I got a proposition for you.

No, thank you.

Just hear me out.

This isn't just
some 2-bit heist.

What I've got in mind has 8 legs

and is loaded with jewels.

You will kidnap kare noke

and her yodeling kabukis?

Kare noke and her... ha ha ha!

I love this guy!

No, my friend.

I'm talking about
the Kyoto octopus.

I don't think so.

Hey, for old time's sake.
Serious payday.

Could buy yourself a
car just like this one.

Make your mom proud.

Must call landlord,

tell him to spray for vermin.

Button your lip, windbag.

I am here to see my boy.

Tohru is out. Where?

Do not know.

Huh! Lousy boss.

Can't keep track
of own employees.

That's not fair.

Uncle's a great boss,

and tohru loves it here.

You are a sweet girl,

very cute.

But please do not
speak of matters

beyond your
understanding, child.

Should have seen tohru

when he worked for Mr. valmont.

Had his own room.

Big!

Always a spare bed
for his mother.

Valmont? Ah. Valmont was a...

Uncle!

Uh, heh.
Ix-nay on the almont-vay.

Ah, child speaks many languages.

And look at you!

Cannot even speak English!

Speak English better than you!

Do not! Do, too!

In your dreams, junk monger!

Eyah!

Hyah! Kak-kak-kyah!

Oh.

Mom: Gave up good job with
nice Mr. valmont for this?

Servant in a junk shop!

Boss: Kyoto octopus.

Black: Serious payday.

Boss: Buy yourself a
car just like this one.

Tohru: Grape.

Uncle: Cheap?! I am not cheap!

Ha! I see the rags tohru wears.

Same clothes as when
he worked for valmont.

Jackie: Ah! I have no time

to play referee for
the both of you.

Must get over to the expo.

Play security guard
for an octopus.

Boss: You made a wise
choice, tohru.

What do I do?

Nothing fancy.

You cruise into the expo,

create a diversion.

Meanwhile,
my boys make an end run,

nab the octopus.

One tiny problem, tohru.

Word is, you double-crossed

your old boss valmont.

That you're a rat.

I am no rat.

Yeah? Prove it!

I have information.

Yeah?

Um, Jackie chan will be
working security at the expo.

I heard of him.

They say he's unbeatable.

Nobody is unbeatable.

I trust you'll take care

of this Jackie chan
personally, tohru.

And I mean permanently.

(Chatter)

Whoa!

Jade, how did you get in here?

Security's lousy.

You have to leave.
Things could get ugly.

Go! Go! Go!

Not on my salary.

Aah!

Wha...?

A little backup!

Tohru?

Whah!

I knew we couldn't
trust this guy!

Whoa! Unh.

Whoa.

Octo-jacking in progress.

Ow!

Banzai!

Thank you for the
tip-off, tohru.

Of course.

Your mom will be very proud.

Tohru has a mom?

(Gasps)

The octopus!

And this one's not
just a smokescreen!

(Both groaning)

(Tohru grunting)

Oh.

Oh!

Jackie and tohru! Where?

Uh, here's the deal:

You give us the octopus,

or your boys do a meet-and-greet

with a shark.

Market street Sushi bar.
One hour.

Come through the front door,

and come alone.

Well?

No problem.

Trade octopus for young ones.

Wait, one problem.

What?

I have no octopus.

Jade: You do now.

Pretty good for a child, huh?

Well, what are we waiting for?

Tohru and Jackie need us.

Us, not you.

Me, not us.

Youngster-nappers
say come alone.

Ha! Foolish old junk monger

cannot handle this alone.

Uh, why don't I just...

No! No! Hmmph.

I will phone captain black.

In the meantime,

stay here and watch the shop.

Watch the shop, huh?

Well...

Watched it.

Nobody double-crosses

the yokanawa mob, tohru.

You just made the biggest,

dumbest, and last mistake

of your life.

But you have a deal, right?

Once you get the
octopus, you set us free.

Ha ha! Once we get the octopus,

you and your chum
are gonna be chum.

Fish bait.

I do not like fish.

Hey, check this out, boys.

Walkin' the dog.

Wha...? Hey!

Uncle! Mommy!

Hey, I said front door

and to come alone!

I told her.

See, I told you!

Ah! Would have lost your way!

Near-sighted mule

can barely see hook nose

in front of his face.

Eyesight good enough
to see the hair

growing out of that mole!

That is a beauty mark!

Quit the squabblin',

and put the fish on the table.

Uh, boss?

Technically,

an octopus is a member

of the multipod family, and...

Put the fish on the table!

Uncle, don't!

Jackie, be quiet!

There. Now we all go home.

What say we make
it a family affair?

Throw 'em all in the tank!

Eyee! Yak-kak-kah!

Whoa. Nice move.

You watching, junk man?

Watching,
but seeing nothing special.

Hand is quicker than the eye.

Hyah!

Unh.

But should have been
watching the foot.

Unh.

Ah, get this over with.

I came a long way to
hear kare noke sing.

Ha! You call that singing?

(Sings out of tune)

Tone-deaf owl

is cruising for a bruising!

Another trick I've
been working on.

Oh.

Jackie! Tohru!

Jade, what are you doing here?

Oh, never mind. Give us a hand!

Oh, no, you don't!

Whoa!

Unh.

Whoa!

Tohru: Oh!

(Both gurgling)

Aah!

(Jade struggling)

Jade!

I'm ok.

Mommy?

Uncle?

No Ms.

(Gasps)

Where is the octopus?

Mr. yo-yo mob took it.

Well, I'm sure he's
miles away by now.

Wha...?

Hey!

Unh.

My favorite trick...
Around the world.

Nice work, Jackie.

I am very sorry

for the unpleasantness, mommy.

My brave little boy.

You make your mother proud.

I am glad that you are not hurt.

And also glad you
are with people

who care about you.

Jackie, Jade, the Billy goat.

Hmmph.

I will show you a Billy goat!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Ayee-yak-yak-yah!

Whoa. Oh, no!
Stop it, both of you!

Looks like the beginning

of a beautiful relationship.

Uh, want to go back
to the Japanese expo?

I have heard kare noke
and her yodeling kabukis

put on a very good show.

Jackie: Uncle! Tohru's mommy!
Mom: Eyaah-kak-kak-kah!

Don't! Oh!

Uncle: Hyah! Eeyah!

Man: Hey, Jackie,

what's your favorite
kind of music?

I like rock songs
because it makes me,

like, uh, when I'm training,

I like this kind of music.

Celine Dion,

Mariah Carey,

Whitney Houston.

I really can hear
what is she saying.

Then I can practice my English.

So many...

Bee gees, carpenter,

abba. Beatles? No.

I'm too young.