Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 2, Episode 34 - The Chan Who Knew Too Much - full transcript
Stonehenge is stolen. Jackie goes to England on an archaeological dig, and encounters a secret society that plans to destroy the modern world.
English tour guide: Right this
way, please.
Prepare to gaze upon
england's greatest mystery.
Stonehenge lies just
beyond that hill.
Who assembled these massive
stones, and why? No one knows.
But one thing is certain.
Stonehenge shall forever be...
whoa!
(Gasps)
Missing?
There it is.
Your very own fax machine.
I do not need such a
device, Jackie.
Uncle gets all his
facts from books.
Not facts, uncle. Fax.
It can transmit and receive
documents electronically.
It sends paper
through the telephone.
This could take a while.
Here. I will show you.
Jade, please find
something we can fax.
How 'bout the news?
Whoa. Check it out.
"Stonehenge disappears."
Come on.
This sounds like a
job for Jackie chan.
No, it does not.
While I am very concerned
about this theft
as an archaeologist,
I am an archaeologist,
and this is a job for
the proper authorities.
Oh!
Besides, we already have an
exciting mission planned.
We do?
I am taking you overseas
on a real live
archaeological dig!
Here. Your very own set
of excavation brushes.
Oh, Joy.
Jade: England?!
I can't believe this.
The stonehenge crime scene
is 50 miles from here,
and you don't even
want to check it out?
Look, Jade. A button.
Jackie, everybody knows
stonehenge has magical powers.
What if it's fallen
into the wrong hands?
Some people think
stonehenge is magic,
but some people
think it is a beacon
for signaling alien spaceships.
No one knows what stonehenge
does, Jade,
if it even does anything at all.
Hmmph!
Besides, what wrong hands
are you talking about?
Evil organizations
are not hiding behind
every cornerrrr!
Jackie?
Ner!
All, chanting: Ad
nocendum potentes sumo!
Ex metu, vires...
Aah!
Unh.
Huh?
Uh, hello.
Uh, sorry to interrupt
your function.
I will just find my way...
Thou knoweth too much.
Thou must be smoten.
(Gasp) Wait.
I do not knoweth anything.
(All chanting in whispers)
Aah!
He seeketh to learn the
mysteries of our fortress.
He hath spied the
secret library!
Um, library? What library?
Uhh! Oh!
He hath discovered
the hidden armory.
I'm just looking for an exit!
Aah! He has hath entered
the private water closet.
He is privy to our privy.
(Cell phone rings) Aah!
Hello?
Where did you go?
I've been looking all over.
Did you know this place
has, like,
a million secret passages?
Aah! Aah!
Whoa. Who are they?
(Chanting in whispers)
I have no idea.
They must be some kind
of secret society.
An ancient one,
judging by the way they spoke.
Cool. Taking on these
magical mystery men
almost makes up for missing out
on the stonehenge caper.
We're not taking on anybody.
These, uh, people,
should also be handled
by the proper authorities.
Captain black? Jackie.
How's england?
Dangerous.
I fell into a hidden fortress,
and men in robes attacked
me with magic spel...
Don't! Oh, no.
The "m" word, Jackie.
My superiors already
think I'm cracking up,
and they're istening-lay
to my onecalls-fay.
But...
Sounds like that went well.
(Scoffs) We'll probably never
see those wizards again, any...
wha!
Yon knave telleth
others of the magisters.
Magisters?
He knoweth our name.
He just said it!
(Chanting)
Aah!
(Chanting) Oh!
Go find the...
Proper authorities.
Help. Bad guys are
attacking my uncle.
Come on!
Um, hello?
Hot! Hot! Hot!
What kind of proper
authority are you?
(Groaning)
Jackie!
Uhh. Ee-yaa!
Tour guide: Right this way...
I think.
I've only ever done
stonehenge, you know,
and since it's gone missing,
I'm afraid I'm a bit fuzzy
on the rest of england.
We must away,
lest more outsiders
learneth of our existence.
Well, we know one
thing about these guys.
They like tacky jewelry.
I don't suppose
either one of you
knows the way to big Ben?
(Snoring)
Now all we do is
fax it to uncle.
Maybe research is a bad idea.
If they are after us
because of what we know,
do we really want to know more?
(Scoffs) They're hiding
something, Jackie,
and we gotta find out what.
(Fax machine ringing)
Hello?
(Fax transmission beeping)
Huh?!
Ee-yaa! Ee-yaa!
Tohru!
The giant phone is possessed!
Jade: Transmission interrupted?
I do not think this
is going to work.
Thou hast faxed our insignia.
It didn't go through.
(Chanting in whispers)
All: Aah! The light...
Whither didst they goeth?
Oh. Officer!
Right. What seems to be the
problem, then?
Ok, this is gonna
sound a little crazy,
but these robed magister guys
are hunting us down and...
Say no more. You're safe now.
See, Jade?
We just needed a little help
from the proper...
Authorities?
Thou knoweth too much.
(Both gasp)
(Car starts, idles)
Mayhaps we ought sojourn
to someplace more private.
Uhh!
Jade, I told you to...
Oh. Aah!
Aah!
(Siren blaring)
Give us the key.
Jade. Please give us the key!
(Whistling)
(Policeman whistles)
(Policeman whistles)
Yon twain knoweth too much.
No, we don't.
These guys are everywhere.
Uhh-uhh-uhh!
Being handcuffed
together is cool.
Unh! Unh!
Sometimes.
Halt!
Ye shalt be smoten posthaste.
This way. Aah! This way. Aah!
Ok. Ok.
Uhh! Uhh!
Forget stonehenge.
This adventure rules, Jackie!
We should leave before...
Methinks yon varlet
wisheth to challenge us
in armed combat.
What?
No! I don't wisheth
that at alleth.
Have at thee!
Jackie!
Aah!
(Creaking sound)
Ex metu, vires! Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
You don't say.
Aah! Unh!
Oh.
I know your magic words.
Ex metu, vires! Ex metu, vires!
E x metu, vires! Ex metu, vires!
(Laughing)
Come on already!
Ye twain knoweth
nothing of our magicks.
That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
Smite them.
All: Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires...
Whoa!
Aah!
We have to get help
before they find us again.
(Scoffs) From who?
We're fresh out of
proper authorities.
Anybody here could
be another magister.
Captain black has magic issues.
The only one who will
help us is uncle,
and he can't even
use a fax machine.
You're right. We are on our own,
so we had better find out exactly
what they don't want us to know.
Let's hope they don't
notice the missing robes.
Relax. This is probably
the only place in england
where they aren't
looking for us.
"The brotherhood of magisters
"was founded during
the dark ages,
"when their magic inspired fear.
"But as science progressed,
their magic was eclipsed
"by the wonders of technology,
and their power declined."
But what are they up to now?
Uh, Jackie?
The wizards stole stonehenge?
Told you it has magic powers.
Uncle? Uncle: Jackie?!
This machine is evil.
I am performing a
cleansing spell.
More seaweed, tohru.
Uncle, please listen.
Evil wizards have
stolen stonehenge,
and... (Gasps)
Jackie?
Let go!
Deny it no further.
Thou knoweth too much.
Well, duh. We do now.
And thou shalt pay
for such knowledge
with thine lives.
Since ye twain dost
knoweth too much already,
I shalt reveal unto thee
what no man knoweth...
The true usage of stonehenge.
Uh, if you don't tell us,
will we still have to be smoten?
We magisters hath
learnt yon stonehenge
to be a magical weapon
of mass destruction.
(Scoffs)
And some people
think it's a beacon
for signaling alien spaceships.
Ha ha ha.
Thou art ignorant and doomed.
Let the magicks begin.
With the power of stonehenge,
we shalt destroy thine
major cities one by one.
Thine loathsome modern world
shalt plunge into
a new dark age,
which we magisters
shalt rule once more.
All, chanting: Ad
nocendum potentes sumos...
The fiery blast we conjureth
shalt broil yon London town.
(Others chanting)
For somebody who
likes his privacy,
this dude is such
a blabbermouth.
Maybe I can... (Strained groan)
Break these... Chains.
And just in case you can't...
Hey, Jackie.
(Strained groan) Yes, Jade?
(Loud click)
Did I ever thank you for these?
Let them escapeth not.
Jackie: Get help.
Aah!
Unh.
Huh?
Aah!
Ok,
let's try this one more time.
Uncle, evil wizards
stole stonehenge and...
Jackie told me,
so we did research.
Jade, the wizards
are called magisters.
I know.
One more thing.
The society is very secretive.
I know. One more thing.
They use magic words
to cast spells.
I know. One more thing.
Bad day. Bad day. Bad day.
Ach!
Ye doest more harm than good.
Thou.
Destroy yon knave by your hand.
Whoa!
Oh.
Oh! Uhh-unh.
Uncle, on phone: And
begin a new dark age.
One more thing.
No. No more things.
I already know all that stuff.
The only thing I don't know
is how to stop stonehenge
from leveling London and Jackie.
Why did you not say so?
Magic must defeat magic.
(Uncle chanting over phone)
Uncle?
I may not knoweth any magicks,
but I know uncle.
(Chanting)
He can understand sending
a spell through the phone,
but not a piece of paper?
Oh! - Ow! - Ooh!
Yon spell must be finished.
Ex metu, vires! Unh!
London town be not destroyed?
Then what dost this
stonehenge doeth?!
Put your hands in the air.
Whoa! Who are these guys?
The proper authorities?
With your testimony, Mr. chan,
interpol should be able
to lock up these magisters
for some time.
I will tell you
everything I know.
Well, Jade, your wish came true.
You helped solve the
mystery of stonehenge.
Yeah, but I still wanna know
what it's supposed to do.
We may never know, Jade.
Hey, Jackie,
how do you keep up with all your work?
I love movies. I love my work.
The things just keep
coming, keep coming,
keep coming.
We have I don't know how
many restaurants in China,
Hong Kong, in Japan.
I have a camera team.
I have my stunt team.
I have been working
on so many scripts.
4 movies.
Dubbing and filming myself. Idea.
So many things.
So many projects.
Yes, I'm sometimes
tired, but I'm happy.
way, please.
Prepare to gaze upon
england's greatest mystery.
Stonehenge lies just
beyond that hill.
Who assembled these massive
stones, and why? No one knows.
But one thing is certain.
Stonehenge shall forever be...
whoa!
(Gasps)
Missing?
There it is.
Your very own fax machine.
I do not need such a
device, Jackie.
Uncle gets all his
facts from books.
Not facts, uncle. Fax.
It can transmit and receive
documents electronically.
It sends paper
through the telephone.
This could take a while.
Here. I will show you.
Jade, please find
something we can fax.
How 'bout the news?
Whoa. Check it out.
"Stonehenge disappears."
Come on.
This sounds like a
job for Jackie chan.
No, it does not.
While I am very concerned
about this theft
as an archaeologist,
I am an archaeologist,
and this is a job for
the proper authorities.
Oh!
Besides, we already have an
exciting mission planned.
We do?
I am taking you overseas
on a real live
archaeological dig!
Here. Your very own set
of excavation brushes.
Oh, Joy.
Jade: England?!
I can't believe this.
The stonehenge crime scene
is 50 miles from here,
and you don't even
want to check it out?
Look, Jade. A button.
Jackie, everybody knows
stonehenge has magical powers.
What if it's fallen
into the wrong hands?
Some people think
stonehenge is magic,
but some people
think it is a beacon
for signaling alien spaceships.
No one knows what stonehenge
does, Jade,
if it even does anything at all.
Hmmph!
Besides, what wrong hands
are you talking about?
Evil organizations
are not hiding behind
every cornerrrr!
Jackie?
Ner!
All, chanting: Ad
nocendum potentes sumo!
Ex metu, vires...
Aah!
Unh.
Huh?
Uh, hello.
Uh, sorry to interrupt
your function.
I will just find my way...
Thou knoweth too much.
Thou must be smoten.
(Gasp) Wait.
I do not knoweth anything.
(All chanting in whispers)
Aah!
He seeketh to learn the
mysteries of our fortress.
He hath spied the
secret library!
Um, library? What library?
Uhh! Oh!
He hath discovered
the hidden armory.
I'm just looking for an exit!
Aah! He has hath entered
the private water closet.
He is privy to our privy.
(Cell phone rings) Aah!
Hello?
Where did you go?
I've been looking all over.
Did you know this place
has, like,
a million secret passages?
Aah! Aah!
Whoa. Who are they?
(Chanting in whispers)
I have no idea.
They must be some kind
of secret society.
An ancient one,
judging by the way they spoke.
Cool. Taking on these
magical mystery men
almost makes up for missing out
on the stonehenge caper.
We're not taking on anybody.
These, uh, people,
should also be handled
by the proper authorities.
Captain black? Jackie.
How's england?
Dangerous.
I fell into a hidden fortress,
and men in robes attacked
me with magic spel...
Don't! Oh, no.
The "m" word, Jackie.
My superiors already
think I'm cracking up,
and they're istening-lay
to my onecalls-fay.
But...
Sounds like that went well.
(Scoffs) We'll probably never
see those wizards again, any...
wha!
Yon knave telleth
others of the magisters.
Magisters?
He knoweth our name.
He just said it!
(Chanting)
Aah!
(Chanting) Oh!
Go find the...
Proper authorities.
Help. Bad guys are
attacking my uncle.
Come on!
Um, hello?
Hot! Hot! Hot!
What kind of proper
authority are you?
(Groaning)
Jackie!
Uhh. Ee-yaa!
Tour guide: Right this way...
I think.
I've only ever done
stonehenge, you know,
and since it's gone missing,
I'm afraid I'm a bit fuzzy
on the rest of england.
We must away,
lest more outsiders
learneth of our existence.
Well, we know one
thing about these guys.
They like tacky jewelry.
I don't suppose
either one of you
knows the way to big Ben?
(Snoring)
Now all we do is
fax it to uncle.
Maybe research is a bad idea.
If they are after us
because of what we know,
do we really want to know more?
(Scoffs) They're hiding
something, Jackie,
and we gotta find out what.
(Fax machine ringing)
Hello?
(Fax transmission beeping)
Huh?!
Ee-yaa! Ee-yaa!
Tohru!
The giant phone is possessed!
Jade: Transmission interrupted?
I do not think this
is going to work.
Thou hast faxed our insignia.
It didn't go through.
(Chanting in whispers)
All: Aah! The light...
Whither didst they goeth?
Oh. Officer!
Right. What seems to be the
problem, then?
Ok, this is gonna
sound a little crazy,
but these robed magister guys
are hunting us down and...
Say no more. You're safe now.
See, Jade?
We just needed a little help
from the proper...
Authorities?
Thou knoweth too much.
(Both gasp)
(Car starts, idles)
Mayhaps we ought sojourn
to someplace more private.
Uhh!
Jade, I told you to...
Oh. Aah!
Aah!
(Siren blaring)
Give us the key.
Jade. Please give us the key!
(Whistling)
(Policeman whistles)
(Policeman whistles)
Yon twain knoweth too much.
No, we don't.
These guys are everywhere.
Uhh-uhh-uhh!
Being handcuffed
together is cool.
Unh! Unh!
Sometimes.
Halt!
Ye shalt be smoten posthaste.
This way. Aah! This way. Aah!
Ok. Ok.
Uhh! Uhh!
Forget stonehenge.
This adventure rules, Jackie!
We should leave before...
Methinks yon varlet
wisheth to challenge us
in armed combat.
What?
No! I don't wisheth
that at alleth.
Have at thee!
Jackie!
Aah!
(Creaking sound)
Ex metu, vires! Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
You don't say.
Aah! Unh!
Oh.
I know your magic words.
Ex metu, vires! Ex metu, vires!
E x metu, vires! Ex metu, vires!
(Laughing)
Come on already!
Ye twain knoweth
nothing of our magicks.
That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
Smite them.
All: Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires...
Whoa!
Aah!
We have to get help
before they find us again.
(Scoffs) From who?
We're fresh out of
proper authorities.
Anybody here could
be another magister.
Captain black has magic issues.
The only one who will
help us is uncle,
and he can't even
use a fax machine.
You're right. We are on our own,
so we had better find out exactly
what they don't want us to know.
Let's hope they don't
notice the missing robes.
Relax. This is probably
the only place in england
where they aren't
looking for us.
"The brotherhood of magisters
"was founded during
the dark ages,
"when their magic inspired fear.
"But as science progressed,
their magic was eclipsed
"by the wonders of technology,
and their power declined."
But what are they up to now?
Uh, Jackie?
The wizards stole stonehenge?
Told you it has magic powers.
Uncle? Uncle: Jackie?!
This machine is evil.
I am performing a
cleansing spell.
More seaweed, tohru.
Uncle, please listen.
Evil wizards have
stolen stonehenge,
and... (Gasps)
Jackie?
Let go!
Deny it no further.
Thou knoweth too much.
Well, duh. We do now.
And thou shalt pay
for such knowledge
with thine lives.
Since ye twain dost
knoweth too much already,
I shalt reveal unto thee
what no man knoweth...
The true usage of stonehenge.
Uh, if you don't tell us,
will we still have to be smoten?
We magisters hath
learnt yon stonehenge
to be a magical weapon
of mass destruction.
(Scoffs)
And some people
think it's a beacon
for signaling alien spaceships.
Ha ha ha.
Thou art ignorant and doomed.
Let the magicks begin.
With the power of stonehenge,
we shalt destroy thine
major cities one by one.
Thine loathsome modern world
shalt plunge into
a new dark age,
which we magisters
shalt rule once more.
All, chanting: Ad
nocendum potentes sumos...
The fiery blast we conjureth
shalt broil yon London town.
(Others chanting)
For somebody who
likes his privacy,
this dude is such
a blabbermouth.
Maybe I can... (Strained groan)
Break these... Chains.
And just in case you can't...
Hey, Jackie.
(Strained groan) Yes, Jade?
(Loud click)
Did I ever thank you for these?
Let them escapeth not.
Jackie: Get help.
Aah!
Unh.
Huh?
Aah!
Ok,
let's try this one more time.
Uncle, evil wizards
stole stonehenge and...
Jackie told me,
so we did research.
Jade, the wizards
are called magisters.
I know.
One more thing.
The society is very secretive.
I know. One more thing.
They use magic words
to cast spells.
I know. One more thing.
Bad day. Bad day. Bad day.
Ach!
Ye doest more harm than good.
Thou.
Destroy yon knave by your hand.
Whoa!
Oh.
Oh! Uhh-unh.
Uncle, on phone: And
begin a new dark age.
One more thing.
No. No more things.
I already know all that stuff.
The only thing I don't know
is how to stop stonehenge
from leveling London and Jackie.
Why did you not say so?
Magic must defeat magic.
(Uncle chanting over phone)
Uncle?
I may not knoweth any magicks,
but I know uncle.
(Chanting)
He can understand sending
a spell through the phone,
but not a piece of paper?
Oh! - Ow! - Ooh!
Yon spell must be finished.
Ex metu, vires! Unh!
London town be not destroyed?
Then what dost this
stonehenge doeth?!
Put your hands in the air.
Whoa! Who are these guys?
The proper authorities?
With your testimony, Mr. chan,
interpol should be able
to lock up these magisters
for some time.
I will tell you
everything I know.
Well, Jade, your wish came true.
You helped solve the
mystery of stonehenge.
Yeah, but I still wanna know
what it's supposed to do.
We may never know, Jade.
Hey, Jackie,
how do you keep up with all your work?
I love movies. I love my work.
The things just keep
coming, keep coming,
keep coming.
We have I don't know how
many restaurants in China,
Hong Kong, in Japan.
I have a camera team.
I have my stunt team.
I have been working
on so many scripts.
4 movies.
Dubbing and filming myself. Idea.
So many things.
So many projects.
Yes, I'm sometimes
tired, but I'm happy.