Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 2, Episode 30 - Pleasure Cruise - full transcript
Jackie provides security for a valuable Chinese artifact. The museum decides to transport the artifact via a cruise ship, and allow Jackie to take his family along. Tohru's mother joins them on the cruise.
Jackie: The museum
will be very pleased
to have the golden dragon
returned to Hong Kong.
How come?
They've been yapping on TV
how it broke all kinds
of attendance records.
Yes, but maintaining
security has been difficult.
There were at least 2
attempts to steal it.
Uh... Make that 3.
(Gasps)
Hey!
Uhh!
Quickly! Quickly!
Jackie!
No! Dah!
Looks like we hooked
the wrong fish.
How do we get rid of him?
They don't call them sky
scrapers for nothing.
Aah!
Bad day, bad day!
Bad day!
Uhh!
Aah!
(Whoosh)
The elevator is too slow.
Heh heh.
Uncle: 8 cantonese faces.
12, 13, 14...
You should have seen me!
Rescuing the dragon,
chasing off the bad guys!
Oh, I mean,
uncle Jackie helped, too.
Less talk, more counting,
how many chopsticks?
15, sensei.
15? Chopsticks
always come in pairs.
Count again!
Yep! Thanks to us,
that dragon's loaded
up and sailin' to...
Jackie: No, it's not, Jade.
The cargo ship was not a
secure enough transport.
The museum decided that with
the thieves still at large,
the golden dragon will
instead travel to Hong Kong
on the last place anyone
would think to look:
A cruise ship.
I will accompany it.
Tsh. You lucked out.
Yes. The only problem
is that the museum
has given me a 2-room suite.
I do not know what to do
with all that extra space.
I'm going on a cruise! Yes!
Ha ha ha. All of us are going.
Uncle, tohru...
Huh? Uncle does not cruise!
Uncle does inventory!
Uncle, when was the last time
you took a real vacation?
Let me see.
(Abacus clicking)
3, 4, carry the one.
Never! So, why start now?
Because it'll be wicked fun!
Come on. Please?
Heh...
Ay, uh...
Eeh. Brown eyes get
uncle every time.
Fine. I'll go.
Yes!
I will stay here.
Tohru, hello?
Swimming pools, whale watching.
All the shrimp you can eat.
Ok, strike that.
All the pizza you can eat?
I cannot travel on a ship.
Tsh. Knew I shouldn't have
taken you to see Titanic.
That was just a movie, tohru.
It's not that, Jade.
I get seasick.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh. You're serious.
Hey, there's medicine
you can take for that.
I have tried.
Nothing helps.
Well, guess what.
I have a guaranteed
cure for seasickness.
You do?
Meet you back at section
13, Jackie.
Gotta go pack!
12 inches thick
and absolutely state of the art.
Most banks don't have
a vault this secure.
I'm sure it is more
security than is necessary.
Midnight rollerblading,
video arcade, dessert 24-7.
Cruising is so cool.
Ahh! Waste of time.
Will not even be able to
get a good cup of tea.
Woman: He drinks tea?
Thought Billy goats
only eat tin cans.
Ay ah!
Fat dragon locked in vault!
Tohru, what's your mom...
Um, Jackie said it
would be all right
to have her join us.
Where are you going, uncle?
To lifeboat! Row back to shore!
Good! I have better things to do
than hang around
with junk-seller.
I visit with my boy, relax,
play a little mahjong.
You play mahjong?
No. I win at mahjong.
5-time all-Kyoto finalist.
Hong king community
center champion 1955.
Beat you with one
hand tied behind back.
Ha! Big talker.
How about you put your
tiles where your mouth is.
Jade: Where have you
been, tohru?
You totally missed dinner
and the make-your-own-
sundae bar.
They had everything.
Whipped cream, nuts...
(groans)
I think tohru has still not
found his sea legs, Jade.
You said you had a cure
for seasickness, Jade.
Oh?
Uh-huh. I do.
It's, uh... Hypnotism!
Read a book about it.
Ah. This I would like to see.
We kind of need privacy, Jackie.
Now, just watch my hand.
(Gasps) The horse talisman.
The healer.
My little pony's guaranteed
to cure what ails you.
But you are forbidden to remove
the talismans from section 13.
Ok, if that's the way you feel.
Thought so.
Well?
(Stomach growls)
Ahh. Do you think there is
any orange sherbet left?
Ha! I win again.
Ah, you cheat again.
Every time I sneeze,
you move a tile.
You sneeze, all the tiles move.
Bird beak nose should
have its own zip code!
Grrr!
Hmm. 7 through zero upgrade.
It's got a titanium shell.
Can you crack it?
Only one way to find out.
(Snoring)
(Loud snoring)
Huh? Who's sawing?
What are you doing out
here, tohru?
Could not sleep.
I know what you mean.
Your mom snores like a lawn mower.
I tossed my crackers.
Huh? Oh,
you mean you tossed your cookies.
Guess the cure's like medicine.
Gotta keep taking it.
I'll get the talisman.
Talisman? Where is it, Jade?
(Footsteps)
I will be checking on the
dragon after breakfast.
If I do not find the
talisman in the vault,
you will be spending
the rest of the cruise
inside your room.
Hyuh! Yah! Huhh!
Status.
(Sighs) Impervious.
Unh... Er... Uhh!
"How many times have I told you
the talismans are dangerous?"
Tsh. Tohru losing his
lunch is dangerous.
Man: I can attempt
a circuitry bypass,
but as soon as a crew member
accesses. The ship's computer,
he'll know we're online.
Then I guess we better
go with our contingency plan.
Basil, butch...
We're taking over the ship.
Unh... Come on, come on.
Unh... Err... Uhh!
Butch...
Hmm. You lose at mahjong,
Chinese checkers.
Billy goat care
to try gin rummy?
I prefer a game of skill.
Shuffleboard.
Uh, how about
relaxing by the pool?
Quiet! Quiet!
(Tohru groans)
Tohru, how is my baby
boy feeling today?
A little better, mommy.
Come. A walk will do you good.
Where are we walking to?
Breakfast. Ocean air always
gives me a big appetite.
Eggs, bacon, biscuits.
Tohru?
(Groans)
P.A.: Attention, all passengers.
This is your captain.
Please assemble in the ballroom
for a mandatory
safety presentation.
Heh! Not yet have morning tea!
(People talking)
Ha! What kind of
ship they running?
Captain calls meeting,
no captain here!
Something is wrong.
Afraid the captain and
crew are indisposed, folks.
The ship is now
under my command.
What? Huh?
(All gasp)
Laser cage.
I suspect these are the same men
as from the helicopter.
They are after the dragon.
Good. They can have her.
Funny man won't be so funny
when I whoop you
at shuffleboard!
Excuse me, tohru! Thank you!
One of the rabbits
jumped his cage.
Maori fighting stick!
Drum stick! Heh.
Wha...?!
Aah! Uhh!
Oh!
Wah! Unh!
Ohh...
Unh! Ohh...
(Feebly) Thank you, tohru.
I am going to be sick.
Aah!
How much longer?
Access code variables are
infinitely exponential.
In English.
Working on it.
I win. Again.
(Paper crumpling)
Heh!
That's because you have "xs."
"Xs" always win!
All will be settled
on shuffleboard court!
Oh, Jackie,
would you please stop pacing?
Sorry.
I am very worried about Jade.
These are dangerous men.
Jade: Don't worry, uncle Jackie.
I got it all covered.
Uhh! Jade!
Ok, here's the plan.
You distract him.
I'll do my famous flying drop kick.
That will... no, Jade.
I have a better plan.
Find the communications
room and signal an s.O.S.
But... and please hurry!
Yeah, that's always my
favorite part of the movie...
When the hero
makes a phone call.
Uh, hello? Mayday! Mayday!
Can someone connect
me to section 13?
It's a top secret organization.
Uh, they're probably not listed.
On second thought,
just get me the coast guard.
Someone's on the ship-to-shore.
Jade: The ship has
been taken over by a...
A bunch of thieving pirates!
What is your location?
Prince Arnold cruise ship.
And we're, like,
a few hundred miles from San Francisco.
No, what is your location?
Where are you on the ship?
Well, I'm in the radio room,
but what's that
got to do with...
Uh-oh.
(Crumpling)
Uh, you're breaking up.
Over and out!
Butch...
Right.
Got us a wild rabbit.
I'll hunt her down.
Jade.
(Grumbling)
She's in the air ducts.
Too tight for butch.
I have a solution.
Nice plan, Jackie.
This time, we do it my way.
A little surprise attack and...
wha...?
Hey, who turned on
the air conditioning?
Whoa! Whoa! Unh!
Uh, which way to the pool?
Got her.
Good. If anyone actually
intercepted that ship-to-shore,
we'll be crawling
with coast guard.
Another 20 minutes and...
New plan. We blow the vault.
We discussed this, giles.
Too risky.
If a fire breaks out or
we breach the hull...
Just do it!
Ow!
Hey! Come back here!
30 seconds.
(Gasps)
Slippery little eel, ain't ya?
Well, maybe it'd be best
to return you to the water.
Uh, see this?
It has magic powers, and...
And it'll blast you if
I say the magic words!
Yeah. Right.
(Boom)
Aah!
(Water gushing)
I warned you.
The vault's open, isn't it?
Yes,
and so is a piece of the hull.
No more magic! Please?
What's with all the sirens?
The ship is sinking!
The passengers...
In the ballroom!
I'm all over it.
Jade to the rescue!
(All gasp)
Everyone,
calmly to the lifeboats.
(Everyone screaming)
There will not be
enough time to evacuate.
The talisman, Jade...
Perhaps we can use
it to heal the ship.
Ok, but you're breaking
your rule about...
Jade! All right!
Uh, uh, I think I lost it,
uh, in the galley!
I will find it!
Please climb into a
lifeboat with the others!
(Passengers arguing)
We're near capacity, captain!
The boats can and will
accommodate every passenger
and crew member.
But we never really
had anyone his size.
That boat?
Bobbing up and down? Ohh.
I will stay here.
If my baby not
going, I not going!
Bah! Take the Billy goat!
Ha! Nice try.
Uncle not leave ship until
whip you at shuffleboard!
Take Jade. Where is she?
Jackie'll never
find that talisman
without my eagle eyes.
The golden dragon!
You don't really think
you're going to stop us?
No. Take the artifact.
I only want to protect the ship
and the people aboard it.
I don't believe you.
Take care of him, boys.
We'll meet you topside.
Uhh! What about butch and basil?
They snooze, they lose.
Hyuh!
Aah! Huh!
Uhh! Oh, gah!
Wah!
Aha?
Jade: Don't make me use this.
Uhh! Get out of here
before she blows us up!
Trust me.
Blow us up?
It's a long story.
Let us hope this works.
(All gasp)
Look at that!
Ohh...
I don't believe it.
(Retches)
Ahh! Finally we can relax
and enjoy the cruise.
Where is tohru?
You got me. Haven't seen him
since your big lecture about how
"the talisman is not
to leave the vault."
It's nice to see those 2
actually enjoying
each other's company.
Ah, junk monger,
weak as scrawny chicken. Gah!
Toothless old bat got nothing!
Uhh...
Hey, Jackie...
Yes?
What do you do on rainy days?
Actually, I will drive my car,
especially at night,
middle of the night,
like at 3:00, 4:00.
Just by myself.
I let the rain...
Then I will stop,
you know, somewhere
around, beside the highway.
Have a sun roof with all
the glass is on the top.
I just listen to music.
Listen to rain.
Really, really, really relaxing.
will be very pleased
to have the golden dragon
returned to Hong Kong.
How come?
They've been yapping on TV
how it broke all kinds
of attendance records.
Yes, but maintaining
security has been difficult.
There were at least 2
attempts to steal it.
Uh... Make that 3.
(Gasps)
Hey!
Uhh!
Quickly! Quickly!
Jackie!
No! Dah!
Looks like we hooked
the wrong fish.
How do we get rid of him?
They don't call them sky
scrapers for nothing.
Aah!
Bad day, bad day!
Bad day!
Uhh!
Aah!
(Whoosh)
The elevator is too slow.
Heh heh.
Uncle: 8 cantonese faces.
12, 13, 14...
You should have seen me!
Rescuing the dragon,
chasing off the bad guys!
Oh, I mean,
uncle Jackie helped, too.
Less talk, more counting,
how many chopsticks?
15, sensei.
15? Chopsticks
always come in pairs.
Count again!
Yep! Thanks to us,
that dragon's loaded
up and sailin' to...
Jackie: No, it's not, Jade.
The cargo ship was not a
secure enough transport.
The museum decided that with
the thieves still at large,
the golden dragon will
instead travel to Hong Kong
on the last place anyone
would think to look:
A cruise ship.
I will accompany it.
Tsh. You lucked out.
Yes. The only problem
is that the museum
has given me a 2-room suite.
I do not know what to do
with all that extra space.
I'm going on a cruise! Yes!
Ha ha ha. All of us are going.
Uncle, tohru...
Huh? Uncle does not cruise!
Uncle does inventory!
Uncle, when was the last time
you took a real vacation?
Let me see.
(Abacus clicking)
3, 4, carry the one.
Never! So, why start now?
Because it'll be wicked fun!
Come on. Please?
Heh...
Ay, uh...
Eeh. Brown eyes get
uncle every time.
Fine. I'll go.
Yes!
I will stay here.
Tohru, hello?
Swimming pools, whale watching.
All the shrimp you can eat.
Ok, strike that.
All the pizza you can eat?
I cannot travel on a ship.
Tsh. Knew I shouldn't have
taken you to see Titanic.
That was just a movie, tohru.
It's not that, Jade.
I get seasick.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh. You're serious.
Hey, there's medicine
you can take for that.
I have tried.
Nothing helps.
Well, guess what.
I have a guaranteed
cure for seasickness.
You do?
Meet you back at section
13, Jackie.
Gotta go pack!
12 inches thick
and absolutely state of the art.
Most banks don't have
a vault this secure.
I'm sure it is more
security than is necessary.
Midnight rollerblading,
video arcade, dessert 24-7.
Cruising is so cool.
Ahh! Waste of time.
Will not even be able to
get a good cup of tea.
Woman: He drinks tea?
Thought Billy goats
only eat tin cans.
Ay ah!
Fat dragon locked in vault!
Tohru, what's your mom...
Um, Jackie said it
would be all right
to have her join us.
Where are you going, uncle?
To lifeboat! Row back to shore!
Good! I have better things to do
than hang around
with junk-seller.
I visit with my boy, relax,
play a little mahjong.
You play mahjong?
No. I win at mahjong.
5-time all-Kyoto finalist.
Hong king community
center champion 1955.
Beat you with one
hand tied behind back.
Ha! Big talker.
How about you put your
tiles where your mouth is.
Jade: Where have you
been, tohru?
You totally missed dinner
and the make-your-own-
sundae bar.
They had everything.
Whipped cream, nuts...
(groans)
I think tohru has still not
found his sea legs, Jade.
You said you had a cure
for seasickness, Jade.
Oh?
Uh-huh. I do.
It's, uh... Hypnotism!
Read a book about it.
Ah. This I would like to see.
We kind of need privacy, Jackie.
Now, just watch my hand.
(Gasps) The horse talisman.
The healer.
My little pony's guaranteed
to cure what ails you.
But you are forbidden to remove
the talismans from section 13.
Ok, if that's the way you feel.
Thought so.
Well?
(Stomach growls)
Ahh. Do you think there is
any orange sherbet left?
Ha! I win again.
Ah, you cheat again.
Every time I sneeze,
you move a tile.
You sneeze, all the tiles move.
Bird beak nose should
have its own zip code!
Grrr!
Hmm. 7 through zero upgrade.
It's got a titanium shell.
Can you crack it?
Only one way to find out.
(Snoring)
(Loud snoring)
Huh? Who's sawing?
What are you doing out
here, tohru?
Could not sleep.
I know what you mean.
Your mom snores like a lawn mower.
I tossed my crackers.
Huh? Oh,
you mean you tossed your cookies.
Guess the cure's like medicine.
Gotta keep taking it.
I'll get the talisman.
Talisman? Where is it, Jade?
(Footsteps)
I will be checking on the
dragon after breakfast.
If I do not find the
talisman in the vault,
you will be spending
the rest of the cruise
inside your room.
Hyuh! Yah! Huhh!
Status.
(Sighs) Impervious.
Unh... Er... Uhh!
"How many times have I told you
the talismans are dangerous?"
Tsh. Tohru losing his
lunch is dangerous.
Man: I can attempt
a circuitry bypass,
but as soon as a crew member
accesses. The ship's computer,
he'll know we're online.
Then I guess we better
go with our contingency plan.
Basil, butch...
We're taking over the ship.
Unh... Come on, come on.
Unh... Err... Uhh!
Butch...
Hmm. You lose at mahjong,
Chinese checkers.
Billy goat care
to try gin rummy?
I prefer a game of skill.
Shuffleboard.
Uh, how about
relaxing by the pool?
Quiet! Quiet!
(Tohru groans)
Tohru, how is my baby
boy feeling today?
A little better, mommy.
Come. A walk will do you good.
Where are we walking to?
Breakfast. Ocean air always
gives me a big appetite.
Eggs, bacon, biscuits.
Tohru?
(Groans)
P.A.: Attention, all passengers.
This is your captain.
Please assemble in the ballroom
for a mandatory
safety presentation.
Heh! Not yet have morning tea!
(People talking)
Ha! What kind of
ship they running?
Captain calls meeting,
no captain here!
Something is wrong.
Afraid the captain and
crew are indisposed, folks.
The ship is now
under my command.
What? Huh?
(All gasp)
Laser cage.
I suspect these are the same men
as from the helicopter.
They are after the dragon.
Good. They can have her.
Funny man won't be so funny
when I whoop you
at shuffleboard!
Excuse me, tohru! Thank you!
One of the rabbits
jumped his cage.
Maori fighting stick!
Drum stick! Heh.
Wha...?!
Aah! Uhh!
Oh!
Wah! Unh!
Ohh...
Unh! Ohh...
(Feebly) Thank you, tohru.
I am going to be sick.
Aah!
How much longer?
Access code variables are
infinitely exponential.
In English.
Working on it.
I win. Again.
(Paper crumpling)
Heh!
That's because you have "xs."
"Xs" always win!
All will be settled
on shuffleboard court!
Oh, Jackie,
would you please stop pacing?
Sorry.
I am very worried about Jade.
These are dangerous men.
Jade: Don't worry, uncle Jackie.
I got it all covered.
Uhh! Jade!
Ok, here's the plan.
You distract him.
I'll do my famous flying drop kick.
That will... no, Jade.
I have a better plan.
Find the communications
room and signal an s.O.S.
But... and please hurry!
Yeah, that's always my
favorite part of the movie...
When the hero
makes a phone call.
Uh, hello? Mayday! Mayday!
Can someone connect
me to section 13?
It's a top secret organization.
Uh, they're probably not listed.
On second thought,
just get me the coast guard.
Someone's on the ship-to-shore.
Jade: The ship has
been taken over by a...
A bunch of thieving pirates!
What is your location?
Prince Arnold cruise ship.
And we're, like,
a few hundred miles from San Francisco.
No, what is your location?
Where are you on the ship?
Well, I'm in the radio room,
but what's that
got to do with...
Uh-oh.
(Crumpling)
Uh, you're breaking up.
Over and out!
Butch...
Right.
Got us a wild rabbit.
I'll hunt her down.
Jade.
(Grumbling)
She's in the air ducts.
Too tight for butch.
I have a solution.
Nice plan, Jackie.
This time, we do it my way.
A little surprise attack and...
wha...?
Hey, who turned on
the air conditioning?
Whoa! Whoa! Unh!
Uh, which way to the pool?
Got her.
Good. If anyone actually
intercepted that ship-to-shore,
we'll be crawling
with coast guard.
Another 20 minutes and...
New plan. We blow the vault.
We discussed this, giles.
Too risky.
If a fire breaks out or
we breach the hull...
Just do it!
Ow!
Hey! Come back here!
30 seconds.
(Gasps)
Slippery little eel, ain't ya?
Well, maybe it'd be best
to return you to the water.
Uh, see this?
It has magic powers, and...
And it'll blast you if
I say the magic words!
Yeah. Right.
(Boom)
Aah!
(Water gushing)
I warned you.
The vault's open, isn't it?
Yes,
and so is a piece of the hull.
No more magic! Please?
What's with all the sirens?
The ship is sinking!
The passengers...
In the ballroom!
I'm all over it.
Jade to the rescue!
(All gasp)
Everyone,
calmly to the lifeboats.
(Everyone screaming)
There will not be
enough time to evacuate.
The talisman, Jade...
Perhaps we can use
it to heal the ship.
Ok, but you're breaking
your rule about...
Jade! All right!
Uh, uh, I think I lost it,
uh, in the galley!
I will find it!
Please climb into a
lifeboat with the others!
(Passengers arguing)
We're near capacity, captain!
The boats can and will
accommodate every passenger
and crew member.
But we never really
had anyone his size.
That boat?
Bobbing up and down? Ohh.
I will stay here.
If my baby not
going, I not going!
Bah! Take the Billy goat!
Ha! Nice try.
Uncle not leave ship until
whip you at shuffleboard!
Take Jade. Where is she?
Jackie'll never
find that talisman
without my eagle eyes.
The golden dragon!
You don't really think
you're going to stop us?
No. Take the artifact.
I only want to protect the ship
and the people aboard it.
I don't believe you.
Take care of him, boys.
We'll meet you topside.
Uhh! What about butch and basil?
They snooze, they lose.
Hyuh!
Aah! Huh!
Uhh! Oh, gah!
Wah!
Aha?
Jade: Don't make me use this.
Uhh! Get out of here
before she blows us up!
Trust me.
Blow us up?
It's a long story.
Let us hope this works.
(All gasp)
Look at that!
Ohh...
I don't believe it.
(Retches)
Ahh! Finally we can relax
and enjoy the cruise.
Where is tohru?
You got me. Haven't seen him
since your big lecture about how
"the talisman is not
to leave the vault."
It's nice to see those 2
actually enjoying
each other's company.
Ah, junk monger,
weak as scrawny chicken. Gah!
Toothless old bat got nothing!
Uhh...
Hey, Jackie...
Yes?
What do you do on rainy days?
Actually, I will drive my car,
especially at night,
middle of the night,
like at 3:00, 4:00.
Just by myself.
I let the rain...
Then I will stop,
you know, somewhere
around, beside the highway.
Have a sun roof with all
the glass is on the top.
I just listen to music.
Listen to rain.
Really, really, really relaxing.