Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 2, Episode 17 - Armor of the Gods - full transcript
Jackie finds the Armor of the Eight Immortals which proves useful when the portal for the Earth Demon opens. Meanwhile Uncle has trouble sleeping.
(Coughs)
Oh...
The armor of the 8 immortals.
Hmm, doesn't seem very special.
Ehh... Heh. Housekeeping?
Heh. Termites.
Daah!
Unh. Ohh.
Aaaahhhh!
Whoa!
Uh, pass the bok choy, please?
Jackie! Aah!
You are too loud!
Uncle,
you are the one who's yelling.
(Gasps)
You dishonor the only
known existing relic
of the 8 immortals.
You caused me to drop it.
(Gasps) You dishonor your uncle.
Hey, Jackie.
Jade, what are you doing up?
"Old yeller" is
keeping us all up.
He hasn't slept in days.
Tohru, where is my tea?
(Snores) What?
(Continues snoring)
Aiyaaa!
Uncle, why won't you sleep?
Because I have
demons on the brain.
I lay down, and all I hear is...
Chi spell, chi spell, chi spell.
Have you tried counting sheep?
Demons always eat them.
Ah, well,
thank you for watching Jade.
Where are you going?
We must study the
immortals' armor
and discover what
magic it holds.
Now? It is 3 A.M., uncle.
You should really try to sleep.
(Cell phone rings)
How can I sleep
with all this noise?
Yes?
Jackie,
we've spotted the dark hand.
I'm on my way.
Care to know where you're going?
I don't care. Anywhere but here.
Ok.
Whew. Uncle, I'm off to Spain.
I will call you
for the chi spell
once I find out which
demon we're dealing with.
Take the armor.
It could be of some use.
But you have to discover
what magic it holds.
How can I do that if
you take it with you?
(Stammers)
Festive.
I'm telling you,
Pamplona's famous for somethin'.
It must be the paella.
Oh, the thing they whack with
a stick till candy comes out?
That would be a piata, ratso.
This is Spain, not Mexico.
(Grunts)
I know this place is
famous for somethin'.
Shendu: Soon it will be famous
for the return of dai gui,
the earth demon.
No, it won't.
(TV plays quietly)
Uncle: Jade, TV is too loud.
(Turns down volume)
Still too loud!
Grrr...
I can hear the electricity
in the wires. Unplug!
(Sighs) I wish there was
a way to unplug uncle.
There's gotta be a
chill-pill potion in here.
Call uncle a lumberjack,
'cause he's gonna be sawing logs.
Jade,
the books are laughing at me.
♪ Not for long ♪
Tea, dear uncle?
Yes.
Blaaaah! Jade, this tea
tastes like it was brewed
with beard of goat.
One more thing... it is bitter.
One more thing... it is cold!
One more thing...
(yawning)
(Snores)
Hotcha.
Hmm...
- Hak foo?
- Here I am.
Chan!
Spanish mackerel technique!
Unh! Ohh!
Shendu: Stop him, you fop.
I'm trying, you old dragon.
Aah!
Shendu: Without
touching the good magic.
(Both grunt)
Valmont: I've got it.
Shendu: No, you fool.
It's good magic.
Shendu: Get it.
Gorilla grip. Ohh.
(People yelling)
Do you hear that, chan?
The earth demon
has been released.
How can that be the earth
demon, you baboon?
The portal remains to be opened.
(Yelling)
That's what Pamplona's
famous for...
(rumbling)
The running of the bulls.
Yaaahhh!
Shendu: The box!
Huh? What? Oh.
Yaaahh!
Uhh! Uhh! Ohh!
Hoo-aaahhhh!
Mouse runs through maze!
(Grunting)
Hasta luego!
Wha? Huh?
Mouse takes cheese.
(Snoring)
So... How deep is the sleep?
(Clang)
Yea deep. (Telephone rings)
- Uncle's rare finds. May I help you?
- Jade?
Jackie! How's Spain?
You get a chance
to wear that smelly
old armor yet?
No, but I did get a chance
to be bowlegged and saddle-sore.
Let me speak with uncle.
(Snoring)
Uncle's taking a nap.
Oh, that's wonderful!
(Stammering) No. Wake him up.
I need uncle here in
Spain immediately.
Errrr... He... Uh...
Just went into the bathroom.
You know how he gets
when you interrupt
his private time.
I'll give him the message.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Uh-huh.
Yeah. Uh-huh. Earth demon?!
Uh, mm-hmm. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah.
Chi spell. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, ok. I'll tell him.
And how long
does the deep sleep spell last?
Wake up!
Wake up, wake up, wake up!
(Sighs)
(Snores)
We should have forced
uncle to count sheep.
Sheep! Tohru, you are da bomb!
I'll use the sheep talisman
to astro-project myself
into rip Van uncle's dreams.
Where you will tell him
about the earth demon,
and he will offer you...
A chi spell.
Incoming!
Whoa. Sheep again.
Jade. How happy I am to see you!
You are?
You are my favorite person
in the whole wide world.
You're not uncle.
What've you done with him?
Heh heh heh!
Oh, oh, Jade,
you are such a card.
Heh heh heh.
(Uncle hums cheerfully)
Ha ha ha ha ha!
♪ Hee hee hee hee-hee hee-hee ♪
It's only a dream.
It's only a dream.
Just give me the
ingredients to cast a spell
against the earth
demon, and you can go
back to being all weird. Ok?
Oh, must I think about demons?
Happy thoughts.
Only happy thoughts.
Uncle! I need the chi spell!
Now!
O... K... Little miss cranky.
First you need the
symbol of the immortal
who originally defeated
the earth demon.
And that would be?
A flower!
Second...
(Yawning)
You need the key ingredient
found. In every chi spell-
Hair of ewe.
Didn't know my
hair was so potent.
And third?
For that, I must do research.
(Yawns) After a nap.
Uncle!
Uncle!
- Grrr!
- Well?
Grab Mr. happypants.
We're flying to Spain.
"Mr. happypants"?
But what if uncle does not wake
in time to cast the chi spell?
We have a long flight to
catch up on our research!
Black: Black.
Captain black.
I've been trying to
reach you for hours.
Sorry, Jackie.
Company softball game.
Guess who hit a home run.
You did? Oh, congratula...
oh. No.
Listen, I need help from
satellite surveillance.
I have lost valmont's trail.
Shendu: So good to see you
out and about, dai gui.
Rahrr...
Too many flowers.
Dai gui does not like "pretty."
My kingdom must be submerged
into the depths of the earth.
Do not stand there!
Start digging!
D-d... Digging?
Shendu: We would be
most happy to assist,
burliest of brothers, but...
We have other portals to seek,
family to release.
Rahrrr...
Very well, then.
The dirty work
shall be mine alone.
Yaaahh! Aaahhh! Aaahhh!
Yaaahhh! Aaahhh! Aaahhh!
Hak foo: Antelope
flee raging bull!
Ratso: Land shark!
Hmm?
Bwaahh!
Gahh!
Yeee-ohhhhh!
Yohh! Oh! Ow! Ow! Oh, ow!
Gooww!
Rahrrr...
You are either a very large grub
or this Jackie chan
of whom all demons speak.
Grub. Grub.
Consider yourself
buried, Jackie chan!
Yaaahh!
Nnaaahhhh!
(Panting fearfully)
What do I have to lose?
If you have powers,
now would be a good
time to demonstrate!
Look what I found.
Raahhrr!
Grub... Or flatworm?
Hah... Hah hah... Hah... huh?
Hup!
Didn't feel a thing.
(Snoring)
We got all the chi ingredients.
We're golden.
Good, because it does not seem
the sleep spell will
wear off anytime soon.
About that little screwup, t...
Maybe Jackie doesn't need to
know about sleeping beauty here?
But...
How can Jackie not notice?
Earthquake?
Earth demon.
Raahhhrrr!
Raaahhhrrr!
Unhh!
Arrhh! Yarhh! Rahhrr!
Jackie!
Uncle!
Raahhrr!
Whoops.
Raahhrr!
Uncle! You look rested.
Did you bring the chi spell?
(Snoring)
Yes!
Where is it? Ow!
Uh...
Uncle needs preparation time.
I will keep dai gui busy.
Uhhhh!
Arrhhh!
I shall shell you of that armor.
I bet that you
are soft inside...
Like a lichee nut.
Nnn... Uncle! Hurry!
Huh?
(Snoring)
Nnn... Gnhh... Duhh!
Uncle!
This is no time for a nap!
No sweat, Jackie.
We're just about ready to chi.
You made the chi spell?
Talk later!
And now for the hair of me.
Jade! The spell!
Hit it, t!
(Chanting like uncle)
(Chanting)
(Repeating)
Ohhh!
(Chuckles embarrassedly)
Aim still needs work.
No portal has opened.
The chi spell did not work.
Mmm... But...
I followed the instructions!
Ohhh...
Dai gui does not like flowers.
Oh, no!
(Uncle yawning)
(Yawning)
Good morning, Jade!
Raahhrrr!
Aiyaaaahhh!
Uncle, we have the ingredients.
What are we doing wrong?
I see no hair of ewe.
I keep plucking,
I'm gonna get a bald spot.
No, Jade. Ewe. A female sheep.
Well, there's plenty of those...
In your dreams.
Wool?
(Frantic chanting)
(Joins in chanting)
(Chanting continues)
(Frantic chanting)
Uhh... Raaahhhh...
Uhhh!
Here comes my favorite part.
Dai gui: Nooooooo...
Ooooooo...
How are you feeling, uncle?
Very well... Thank you.
Except for the demon
screaming in my face!
One more thing!
I told you the armor
was good armor!
One more thing!
You should never question uncle!
You should've made
uncle's tea stronger.
He is still cranky.
I don't think
there's enough tea in China
to simmer uncle down.
But I'll take Mr. sourpuss
over Mr. happypants any ol' day.
Hey, Jackie.
How many hours a day do you work out?
That really depends.
If I'm filming the whole day,
at least an hour a day.
Nothing to shoot for
the next couple of days,
then at least 3 hour a day.
After you train so hard...
Ok, I have to watch...
My diet.
Nothing... Important...
Than health.
Oh...
The armor of the 8 immortals.
Hmm, doesn't seem very special.
Ehh... Heh. Housekeeping?
Heh. Termites.
Daah!
Unh. Ohh.
Aaaahhhh!
Whoa!
Uh, pass the bok choy, please?
Jackie! Aah!
You are too loud!
Uncle,
you are the one who's yelling.
(Gasps)
You dishonor the only
known existing relic
of the 8 immortals.
You caused me to drop it.
(Gasps) You dishonor your uncle.
Hey, Jackie.
Jade, what are you doing up?
"Old yeller" is
keeping us all up.
He hasn't slept in days.
Tohru, where is my tea?
(Snores) What?
(Continues snoring)
Aiyaaa!
Uncle, why won't you sleep?
Because I have
demons on the brain.
I lay down, and all I hear is...
Chi spell, chi spell, chi spell.
Have you tried counting sheep?
Demons always eat them.
Ah, well,
thank you for watching Jade.
Where are you going?
We must study the
immortals' armor
and discover what
magic it holds.
Now? It is 3 A.M., uncle.
You should really try to sleep.
(Cell phone rings)
How can I sleep
with all this noise?
Yes?
Jackie,
we've spotted the dark hand.
I'm on my way.
Care to know where you're going?
I don't care. Anywhere but here.
Ok.
Whew. Uncle, I'm off to Spain.
I will call you
for the chi spell
once I find out which
demon we're dealing with.
Take the armor.
It could be of some use.
But you have to discover
what magic it holds.
How can I do that if
you take it with you?
(Stammers)
Festive.
I'm telling you,
Pamplona's famous for somethin'.
It must be the paella.
Oh, the thing they whack with
a stick till candy comes out?
That would be a piata, ratso.
This is Spain, not Mexico.
(Grunts)
I know this place is
famous for somethin'.
Shendu: Soon it will be famous
for the return of dai gui,
the earth demon.
No, it won't.
(TV plays quietly)
Uncle: Jade, TV is too loud.
(Turns down volume)
Still too loud!
Grrr...
I can hear the electricity
in the wires. Unplug!
(Sighs) I wish there was
a way to unplug uncle.
There's gotta be a
chill-pill potion in here.
Call uncle a lumberjack,
'cause he's gonna be sawing logs.
Jade,
the books are laughing at me.
♪ Not for long ♪
Tea, dear uncle?
Yes.
Blaaaah! Jade, this tea
tastes like it was brewed
with beard of goat.
One more thing... it is bitter.
One more thing... it is cold!
One more thing...
(yawning)
(Snores)
Hotcha.
Hmm...
- Hak foo?
- Here I am.
Chan!
Spanish mackerel technique!
Unh! Ohh!
Shendu: Stop him, you fop.
I'm trying, you old dragon.
Aah!
Shendu: Without
touching the good magic.
(Both grunt)
Valmont: I've got it.
Shendu: No, you fool.
It's good magic.
Shendu: Get it.
Gorilla grip. Ohh.
(People yelling)
Do you hear that, chan?
The earth demon
has been released.
How can that be the earth
demon, you baboon?
The portal remains to be opened.
(Yelling)
That's what Pamplona's
famous for...
(rumbling)
The running of the bulls.
Yaaahhh!
Shendu: The box!
Huh? What? Oh.
Yaaahh!
Uhh! Uhh! Ohh!
Hoo-aaahhhh!
Mouse runs through maze!
(Grunting)
Hasta luego!
Wha? Huh?
Mouse takes cheese.
(Snoring)
So... How deep is the sleep?
(Clang)
Yea deep. (Telephone rings)
- Uncle's rare finds. May I help you?
- Jade?
Jackie! How's Spain?
You get a chance
to wear that smelly
old armor yet?
No, but I did get a chance
to be bowlegged and saddle-sore.
Let me speak with uncle.
(Snoring)
Uncle's taking a nap.
Oh, that's wonderful!
(Stammering) No. Wake him up.
I need uncle here in
Spain immediately.
Errrr... He... Uh...
Just went into the bathroom.
You know how he gets
when you interrupt
his private time.
I'll give him the message.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Uh-huh.
Yeah. Uh-huh. Earth demon?!
Uh, mm-hmm. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah.
Chi spell. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, ok. I'll tell him.
And how long
does the deep sleep spell last?
Wake up!
Wake up, wake up, wake up!
(Sighs)
(Snores)
We should have forced
uncle to count sheep.
Sheep! Tohru, you are da bomb!
I'll use the sheep talisman
to astro-project myself
into rip Van uncle's dreams.
Where you will tell him
about the earth demon,
and he will offer you...
A chi spell.
Incoming!
Whoa. Sheep again.
Jade. How happy I am to see you!
You are?
You are my favorite person
in the whole wide world.
You're not uncle.
What've you done with him?
Heh heh heh!
Oh, oh, Jade,
you are such a card.
Heh heh heh.
(Uncle hums cheerfully)
Ha ha ha ha ha!
♪ Hee hee hee hee-hee hee-hee ♪
It's only a dream.
It's only a dream.
Just give me the
ingredients to cast a spell
against the earth
demon, and you can go
back to being all weird. Ok?
Oh, must I think about demons?
Happy thoughts.
Only happy thoughts.
Uncle! I need the chi spell!
Now!
O... K... Little miss cranky.
First you need the
symbol of the immortal
who originally defeated
the earth demon.
And that would be?
A flower!
Second...
(Yawning)
You need the key ingredient
found. In every chi spell-
Hair of ewe.
Didn't know my
hair was so potent.
And third?
For that, I must do research.
(Yawns) After a nap.
Uncle!
Uncle!
- Grrr!
- Well?
Grab Mr. happypants.
We're flying to Spain.
"Mr. happypants"?
But what if uncle does not wake
in time to cast the chi spell?
We have a long flight to
catch up on our research!
Black: Black.
Captain black.
I've been trying to
reach you for hours.
Sorry, Jackie.
Company softball game.
Guess who hit a home run.
You did? Oh, congratula...
oh. No.
Listen, I need help from
satellite surveillance.
I have lost valmont's trail.
Shendu: So good to see you
out and about, dai gui.
Rahrr...
Too many flowers.
Dai gui does not like "pretty."
My kingdom must be submerged
into the depths of the earth.
Do not stand there!
Start digging!
D-d... Digging?
Shendu: We would be
most happy to assist,
burliest of brothers, but...
We have other portals to seek,
family to release.
Rahrrr...
Very well, then.
The dirty work
shall be mine alone.
Yaaahh! Aaahhh! Aaahhh!
Yaaahhh! Aaahhh! Aaahhh!
Hak foo: Antelope
flee raging bull!
Ratso: Land shark!
Hmm?
Bwaahh!
Gahh!
Yeee-ohhhhh!
Yohh! Oh! Ow! Ow! Oh, ow!
Gooww!
Rahrrr...
You are either a very large grub
or this Jackie chan
of whom all demons speak.
Grub. Grub.
Consider yourself
buried, Jackie chan!
Yaaahh!
Nnaaahhhh!
(Panting fearfully)
What do I have to lose?
If you have powers,
now would be a good
time to demonstrate!
Look what I found.
Raahhrr!
Grub... Or flatworm?
Hah... Hah hah... Hah... huh?
Hup!
Didn't feel a thing.
(Snoring)
We got all the chi ingredients.
We're golden.
Good, because it does not seem
the sleep spell will
wear off anytime soon.
About that little screwup, t...
Maybe Jackie doesn't need to
know about sleeping beauty here?
But...
How can Jackie not notice?
Earthquake?
Earth demon.
Raahhhrrr!
Raaahhhrrr!
Unhh!
Arrhh! Yarhh! Rahhrr!
Jackie!
Uncle!
Raahhrr!
Whoops.
Raahhrr!
Uncle! You look rested.
Did you bring the chi spell?
(Snoring)
Yes!
Where is it? Ow!
Uh...
Uncle needs preparation time.
I will keep dai gui busy.
Uhhhh!
Arrhhh!
I shall shell you of that armor.
I bet that you
are soft inside...
Like a lichee nut.
Nnn... Uncle! Hurry!
Huh?
(Snoring)
Nnn... Gnhh... Duhh!
Uncle!
This is no time for a nap!
No sweat, Jackie.
We're just about ready to chi.
You made the chi spell?
Talk later!
And now for the hair of me.
Jade! The spell!
Hit it, t!
(Chanting like uncle)
(Chanting)
(Repeating)
Ohhh!
(Chuckles embarrassedly)
Aim still needs work.
No portal has opened.
The chi spell did not work.
Mmm... But...
I followed the instructions!
Ohhh...
Dai gui does not like flowers.
Oh, no!
(Uncle yawning)
(Yawning)
Good morning, Jade!
Raahhrrr!
Aiyaaaahhh!
Uncle, we have the ingredients.
What are we doing wrong?
I see no hair of ewe.
I keep plucking,
I'm gonna get a bald spot.
No, Jade. Ewe. A female sheep.
Well, there's plenty of those...
In your dreams.
Wool?
(Frantic chanting)
(Joins in chanting)
(Chanting continues)
(Frantic chanting)
Uhh... Raaahhhh...
Uhhh!
Here comes my favorite part.
Dai gui: Nooooooo...
Ooooooo...
How are you feeling, uncle?
Very well... Thank you.
Except for the demon
screaming in my face!
One more thing!
I told you the armor
was good armor!
One more thing!
You should never question uncle!
You should've made
uncle's tea stronger.
He is still cranky.
I don't think
there's enough tea in China
to simmer uncle down.
But I'll take Mr. sourpuss
over Mr. happypants any ol' day.
Hey, Jackie.
How many hours a day do you work out?
That really depends.
If I'm filming the whole day,
at least an hour a day.
Nothing to shoot for
the next couple of days,
then at least 3 hour a day.
After you train so hard...
Ok, I have to watch...
My diet.
Nothing... Important...
Than health.