Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 2, Episode 11 - And He Does His Own Stunts - full transcript
Shendu goes to Hollywood to free his brother the Thunder Demon. Jade tries to make Jackie the next big action superstar in Hollywood as Jackie tries to prevent the demon from returning.
Hyah!
Aah!
(Exhales)
Not bad, Mickey,
but your form needs work.
Spar with, uh, someone else
while I confer
with captain black.
Sorry about the hard
knocks, my friend,
but since section 13's officially
out of the dark hand business,
I had to devise a way to justify
your overhead to my superiors.
Did you put me on the
books as personal trainer,
or punching bag?
Jade: Hyah-ha!
(Gasps)
Jade!
What?
Oh, I, uh,
told Mickey to work on that form.
Shendu: Ah, ah...
Gingerly.
Watch your step.
Place it over to the left...
Valmont: And into
the incinerator.
We could use some firewood.
Shendu: Silence!
With some sprucing,
this fish heap
will be worthy of housing
a demon sorcerer...
Valmont: Ex-demon sorcerer.
Shendu: I may be vanquished,
but I am still in
charge, valmont,
as you can well see.
Valmont: This is my hideout,
and my body, shendu.
Which reminds me,
I have a change of
wardrobe in mind for us.
(Gasps)
You wouldn't dare.
Aah! Aah!
That is a thousand-year-old
heirloom
from the ling dynasty!
Well, maybe if game geek
over there would have helped.
Oh...
Chow.
Shendu: Ah, yes.
Directions to the door
which contains tchangzu,
the thunder demon.
Hey, Cali-for-ni-yay.
We are here...
And we are to go south,
to...
You got that, didn't you?
Uh...
Pretty much all of it,
before we, uh, ran out of tape.
(Growls)
Dude, run.
(Shendu growls)
Aah!
(Gasps)
Water!
That's right, big v...
Swimmin' pools and movie stars.
We're headin' for...
Jackie: Hollywood?
I'm on my way, captain black.
Jackie, can I come with, please?
Jade, the dark hand is there,
no doubt searching
for a demon portal.
But rafaello dicapezio is
getting his footprints in cement
at the Chinese
theater this weekend.
Who-faello di-who-zio?
Hello?
Rafaello dicapezio is only
the greatest movie star
in the history of...
History.
Uncle: Ahh...
I guess you have never
heard of John Wayne.
Ahh, the Duke.
(Imitating John Wayne) Saddle
up, pilgrim.
Hmm, I suppose this is one time
you could come along
and not be in the way.
Yes!
Hey,
what's that supposed to mean?
Jackie: Tohru will
be your chaperone,
while I search
for the dark hand.
Well, the festivities
aren't till tonight,
so why don't we
just take a minute
and help you find
the demon door?
Happy sightseeing.
I am so sorry that I
screamed, Jade.
Yeah, uh,
Frankenstein did look
pretty lifelike, t.
Must be all that wax.
Uh, maybe we should bring
back a souvenir for uncle.
Do you have any
photos of John Wayne?
Tohru.
Aw, we're wanderin', anyway.
I want to see Clark
gable's old house.
Frankly, ratso,
I don't give a darn.
And who's wanderin'?
We got directions right here.
Chow: Yeah. Halfway between
"the pools of despair"
and "the trail of treachery."
It's all so clear.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello?
Jackie, the dark hand guys
are right outside
the wax museum.
Uh, Jade, how do you do that?
Never mind.
Do nothing until I get there.
Can't hear you.
(Imitating static)
You're breaking...
Up.
Jade? Oh!
The wax museum... quickly!
Which do you think
uncle would like best?
Jade?
Jade: Look, the 3 stooges!
Where? Duh.
All: Hey!
Heh.
You must want this, huh?
Say "cheese," Princess.
"Cheese, Princess."
Tohru!
Maybe he'd like to
see some real stars.
Finn: Chan!
Does this qualify as
being outnumbered?
Works for me.
Jade, are you all right?
Peachy. Jackie, I got...
What part of "do nothing"
didn't you understand?
But Jackie, I got... watch her.
(Moans)
(Gasps)
I have waited for this moment.
Prepare to meet your doom.
I didn't know the dark
hand had a new enforcer.
Hyah!
(Grunting)
Aah!
(Both grunting)
Wires?
Nigel: Cut!
Who are you?
This is a movie set?
Awesome. Are you gonna
put Jackie in your movie?
Oh, sure,
after I have him arrested!
Nigel, Nigel, calm down.
Larry Franklin,
producer of ninjas in the hood.
That was quite a
display the way you...
"bam" and "bam, bam!"
(Laughs)
- You have an agent?
- Uh...
That would be moi.
Bam, bam. This town's
gettin' younger every day.
Look, lar,
Jackie chan here is going to be
the next big action superstar,
and you have the opportunity
to get in on the ground floor.
Jade.
Right, Jackie. Did I mention
that he does all his own stunts?
Oh!
Give me a jingle.
If jc can act, bam...
We're in business.
(Scoffs) Act? Jack... whoa!
Say bye-bye to the nice
man, Jade.
Jackie, play your cards
right, and you can be a star.
I don't want to be a star.
I want to find the demon portal
before valmont's men do.
Oh, that. It's in the bag.
Jade, how do you do that?
Jackie: If "the pools of
despair" are the tar pits...
And "the trail of treachery"
is the cahuenga pass...
Halfway should be right here.
"Megagalactic studios?"
Boy,
talk about your co-ink-I-dink.
As long as we're
gonna be on the lot,
why don't we "do
lunch" with lar?
Because "we" had
a big breakfast.
Pass?
Uh...
Hey, you're talkin' to the star
of beach babewatch here.
Oh, uh, sorry.
Go right ahead.
Oh! The dark hand?
Pass?
Yes, I would like to.
No, can't let you on the lot
without a pass.
(Ring)
Good afternoon.
Jade arts talent agency.
Jade, I...
I can't get onto the studio lot.
Yes, but...
Yes, b-but...
Ok, I'll do it.
(Telephone rings) Jade? Hello?
Megagalactic studios.
Hey, sipowicz.
See the human action figure
with the million-dollar
smile outside your gate?
He's Jackie chan,
the next big thing,
and he has a meeting
with the Larry Franklin.
So let me give you lar's number
so you can explain how
we're about to sign a deal
with another studio,
because you wouldn't let
the man who does his
own stunts onto the lot.
Uh, your pass?
Uh, sorry about the
inconvenience, Mr. chan.
How does she do that?
You gettin' anything?
It's got to be
somewhere around here.
Sorry I can't bring it back!
Thank you!
Chan!
Get him!
(Buzz)
Yes?
Oh, put her through.
Jade, what's up?
Lunch? Well, let me check my...
Whoa!
What goes up.
Woodchuck Chucks wood!
Whoa...
Aah!
Bam! He really does
do his own stunts.
Uh, of course he does.
So, Larry baby,
we're on for tomorrow?
You bet... heh...
Unless your client's
in traction.
Jackie has a meeting.
I'm da bomb. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Um, we're going to be late
for the footprint ceremony.
Rafaello, right!
Oh...
Ah, oh.
How come everyone can do that?
Ah! Oh!
Huh? Wha...
The portal!
Greetings, tchangzu.
What took you so long?
Just the usual interference
from Jackie chan.
Then he will
interfere no longer.
(Roars)
As the thunder claps,
so do I applaud your
skill, brother.
Shendu,
you may call me "master."
Of course...
Master.
Ooh, sss...
Now, take me to my palace.
Oh, rubber is an
excellent insulator.
The surroundings may
not seem familiar,
but I assure you...
My palace!
These humans have
paved my paradise
and constructed a...
Parking lot.
(Roar)
I will rebuild my palace.
For the time being, shendu,
you shall find a dwelling
place which befits me.
Uh, how 'bout that one?
Hmm...
That will do.
Isn't he the dreamiest?
He's all right.
(Crowd murmuring)
Uh-oh.
Away, infidels!
(All murmuring)
Why do they not flee?
They think you are...
Entertainment.
Hmm...
Jade: Who's in charge here?
We specifically asked
that crowds be kept
at least 60 feet away.
What are you talkin'
about, miss?
How are we supposed to film
with all this interference?
Do you know how much that
animatronic suit cost?
Film?
They told us it was
a footprint ceremony.
Let's go. Crowd control.
Wow, these agents are
gettin' younger every day.
Uncle: The immortal who
cast the original chi spell
on tchangzu, the thunder demon
was patron deity of actors.
And the portal was
located in a movie studio?
Weird. (Cell phone rings)
Hello?
Where are you?
Duh. Chinese theater?
But so's the thunder demon,
and he's packin'
serious boltage.
How do you do...
Oh, Jade,
do nothing until I get there.
Jade never does nothing.
I know,
but I feel I have to say it.
Jade: So raf,
here's all you gotta do.
When Jackie chan
comes running in...
Jackie who?
(Sighs)
Will you sign my arm?
I'm callin' my manager.
He's not so dreamy anymore.
Relax, t.
Raf'll come crawling back
once he reads about this
in tomorrow's papers.
Lar? Jade.
If you want to catch
Jackie in action,
come to the Chinese
theater pronto.
Where is the demon?
Inside.
Uncle, the chi spell's ready?
I cannot prepare the spell.
What?! Need ingredients.
Why don't you have ingredients?
How am I supposed to
gather chi ingredients
when you steal my apprentice?
"Chaperone." Pahh.
Oh.
Chinatown. Hurry.
I'll try to keep
tchangzu inside.
Jackie! What?
Please, Jade, stay here.
Uncle: One more thing.
Powder of komodo dragon tooth.
One more thing.
Tincture of tortoise shell.
One more thing.
Castanets,
the symbol of tsao kuo-ch'iu.
(Crash)
In Chinatown?
Tchangzu: I will scorch
this city to the ground
while the sound of
thunder resonates!
Heh. Guy's a regular Olivier.
Welcome to the cheap
seats, chan.
You!
I shall prove that lightning
can indeed strike twice.
Baah!
Aah!
Oh...
If life gives you lemons...
Lar, glad you could make it.
Show's about to start.
What show?
Aah!
Bam!
Rhymes with chan.
State of the art.
You guys go all out.
Jade: Uncle!
Must prepare chi spell.
Hold these.
Who's the old guy?
Cranky co-star...
Occasional comedy relief.
Forget chan!
If that accursed old man
completes his chi spell,
you will be cast
back into limbo.
That would be our cue.
(Tohru grunts)
(Roars)
Aah!
(Gasps)
Uh, bam?
Oh!
Jade, play castanets, now!
He's also our musical director.
(Uncle chanting)
(Grunts)
No!
Ole!
(Growls)
So, uh, lar,
I'm thinking buddy picture?
Chan and dicapezio,
dicapezio and chan.
There is no picture,
and Jackie chan will never
do lunch in this town again
ever!
Lar didn't say
anything about dinner.
Come on, my treat.
We know of. A Mexican restaurant
where uncle found the castanets.
In Chinatown?
Hollywood is a strange
and mysterious place.
So we didn't get a movie deal.
Jackie chan has definitely
made his mark in Hollywood.
Hey, Jackie,
have you ever met
anybody famous?
One year I was doing, uh, Oscar.
I was standing in
the green room.
There's so many big
stars in the green room.
I see... wow, John Travolta.
Tom Hanks.
Oh, my god... Sidney poitier.
I don't know what...
What should I say?
Suddenly, there's a voice-
"Jackie chan,
can I shake your hand?"
I turn around... Robin Williams.
He said, "Jackie,
I'm a big fan of yours."
You are great."
That makes me proud.
Aah!
(Exhales)
Not bad, Mickey,
but your form needs work.
Spar with, uh, someone else
while I confer
with captain black.
Sorry about the hard
knocks, my friend,
but since section 13's officially
out of the dark hand business,
I had to devise a way to justify
your overhead to my superiors.
Did you put me on the
books as personal trainer,
or punching bag?
Jade: Hyah-ha!
(Gasps)
Jade!
What?
Oh, I, uh,
told Mickey to work on that form.
Shendu: Ah, ah...
Gingerly.
Watch your step.
Place it over to the left...
Valmont: And into
the incinerator.
We could use some firewood.
Shendu: Silence!
With some sprucing,
this fish heap
will be worthy of housing
a demon sorcerer...
Valmont: Ex-demon sorcerer.
Shendu: I may be vanquished,
but I am still in
charge, valmont,
as you can well see.
Valmont: This is my hideout,
and my body, shendu.
Which reminds me,
I have a change of
wardrobe in mind for us.
(Gasps)
You wouldn't dare.
Aah! Aah!
That is a thousand-year-old
heirloom
from the ling dynasty!
Well, maybe if game geek
over there would have helped.
Oh...
Chow.
Shendu: Ah, yes.
Directions to the door
which contains tchangzu,
the thunder demon.
Hey, Cali-for-ni-yay.
We are here...
And we are to go south,
to...
You got that, didn't you?
Uh...
Pretty much all of it,
before we, uh, ran out of tape.
(Growls)
Dude, run.
(Shendu growls)
Aah!
(Gasps)
Water!
That's right, big v...
Swimmin' pools and movie stars.
We're headin' for...
Jackie: Hollywood?
I'm on my way, captain black.
Jackie, can I come with, please?
Jade, the dark hand is there,
no doubt searching
for a demon portal.
But rafaello dicapezio is
getting his footprints in cement
at the Chinese
theater this weekend.
Who-faello di-who-zio?
Hello?
Rafaello dicapezio is only
the greatest movie star
in the history of...
History.
Uncle: Ahh...
I guess you have never
heard of John Wayne.
Ahh, the Duke.
(Imitating John Wayne) Saddle
up, pilgrim.
Hmm, I suppose this is one time
you could come along
and not be in the way.
Yes!
Hey,
what's that supposed to mean?
Jackie: Tohru will
be your chaperone,
while I search
for the dark hand.
Well, the festivities
aren't till tonight,
so why don't we
just take a minute
and help you find
the demon door?
Happy sightseeing.
I am so sorry that I
screamed, Jade.
Yeah, uh,
Frankenstein did look
pretty lifelike, t.
Must be all that wax.
Uh, maybe we should bring
back a souvenir for uncle.
Do you have any
photos of John Wayne?
Tohru.
Aw, we're wanderin', anyway.
I want to see Clark
gable's old house.
Frankly, ratso,
I don't give a darn.
And who's wanderin'?
We got directions right here.
Chow: Yeah. Halfway between
"the pools of despair"
and "the trail of treachery."
It's all so clear.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello?
Jackie, the dark hand guys
are right outside
the wax museum.
Uh, Jade, how do you do that?
Never mind.
Do nothing until I get there.
Can't hear you.
(Imitating static)
You're breaking...
Up.
Jade? Oh!
The wax museum... quickly!
Which do you think
uncle would like best?
Jade?
Jade: Look, the 3 stooges!
Where? Duh.
All: Hey!
Heh.
You must want this, huh?
Say "cheese," Princess.
"Cheese, Princess."
Tohru!
Maybe he'd like to
see some real stars.
Finn: Chan!
Does this qualify as
being outnumbered?
Works for me.
Jade, are you all right?
Peachy. Jackie, I got...
What part of "do nothing"
didn't you understand?
But Jackie, I got... watch her.
(Moans)
(Gasps)
I have waited for this moment.
Prepare to meet your doom.
I didn't know the dark
hand had a new enforcer.
Hyah!
(Grunting)
Aah!
(Both grunting)
Wires?
Nigel: Cut!
Who are you?
This is a movie set?
Awesome. Are you gonna
put Jackie in your movie?
Oh, sure,
after I have him arrested!
Nigel, Nigel, calm down.
Larry Franklin,
producer of ninjas in the hood.
That was quite a
display the way you...
"bam" and "bam, bam!"
(Laughs)
- You have an agent?
- Uh...
That would be moi.
Bam, bam. This town's
gettin' younger every day.
Look, lar,
Jackie chan here is going to be
the next big action superstar,
and you have the opportunity
to get in on the ground floor.
Jade.
Right, Jackie. Did I mention
that he does all his own stunts?
Oh!
Give me a jingle.
If jc can act, bam...
We're in business.
(Scoffs) Act? Jack... whoa!
Say bye-bye to the nice
man, Jade.
Jackie, play your cards
right, and you can be a star.
I don't want to be a star.
I want to find the demon portal
before valmont's men do.
Oh, that. It's in the bag.
Jade, how do you do that?
Jackie: If "the pools of
despair" are the tar pits...
And "the trail of treachery"
is the cahuenga pass...
Halfway should be right here.
"Megagalactic studios?"
Boy,
talk about your co-ink-I-dink.
As long as we're
gonna be on the lot,
why don't we "do
lunch" with lar?
Because "we" had
a big breakfast.
Pass?
Uh...
Hey, you're talkin' to the star
of beach babewatch here.
Oh, uh, sorry.
Go right ahead.
Oh! The dark hand?
Pass?
Yes, I would like to.
No, can't let you on the lot
without a pass.
(Ring)
Good afternoon.
Jade arts talent agency.
Jade, I...
I can't get onto the studio lot.
Yes, but...
Yes, b-but...
Ok, I'll do it.
(Telephone rings) Jade? Hello?
Megagalactic studios.
Hey, sipowicz.
See the human action figure
with the million-dollar
smile outside your gate?
He's Jackie chan,
the next big thing,
and he has a meeting
with the Larry Franklin.
So let me give you lar's number
so you can explain how
we're about to sign a deal
with another studio,
because you wouldn't let
the man who does his
own stunts onto the lot.
Uh, your pass?
Uh, sorry about the
inconvenience, Mr. chan.
How does she do that?
You gettin' anything?
It's got to be
somewhere around here.
Sorry I can't bring it back!
Thank you!
Chan!
Get him!
(Buzz)
Yes?
Oh, put her through.
Jade, what's up?
Lunch? Well, let me check my...
Whoa!
What goes up.
Woodchuck Chucks wood!
Whoa...
Aah!
Bam! He really does
do his own stunts.
Uh, of course he does.
So, Larry baby,
we're on for tomorrow?
You bet... heh...
Unless your client's
in traction.
Jackie has a meeting.
I'm da bomb. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Um, we're going to be late
for the footprint ceremony.
Rafaello, right!
Oh...
Ah, oh.
How come everyone can do that?
Ah! Oh!
Huh? Wha...
The portal!
Greetings, tchangzu.
What took you so long?
Just the usual interference
from Jackie chan.
Then he will
interfere no longer.
(Roars)
As the thunder claps,
so do I applaud your
skill, brother.
Shendu,
you may call me "master."
Of course...
Master.
Ooh, sss...
Now, take me to my palace.
Oh, rubber is an
excellent insulator.
The surroundings may
not seem familiar,
but I assure you...
My palace!
These humans have
paved my paradise
and constructed a...
Parking lot.
(Roar)
I will rebuild my palace.
For the time being, shendu,
you shall find a dwelling
place which befits me.
Uh, how 'bout that one?
Hmm...
That will do.
Isn't he the dreamiest?
He's all right.
(Crowd murmuring)
Uh-oh.
Away, infidels!
(All murmuring)
Why do they not flee?
They think you are...
Entertainment.
Hmm...
Jade: Who's in charge here?
We specifically asked
that crowds be kept
at least 60 feet away.
What are you talkin'
about, miss?
How are we supposed to film
with all this interference?
Do you know how much that
animatronic suit cost?
Film?
They told us it was
a footprint ceremony.
Let's go. Crowd control.
Wow, these agents are
gettin' younger every day.
Uncle: The immortal who
cast the original chi spell
on tchangzu, the thunder demon
was patron deity of actors.
And the portal was
located in a movie studio?
Weird. (Cell phone rings)
Hello?
Where are you?
Duh. Chinese theater?
But so's the thunder demon,
and he's packin'
serious boltage.
How do you do...
Oh, Jade,
do nothing until I get there.
Jade never does nothing.
I know,
but I feel I have to say it.
Jade: So raf,
here's all you gotta do.
When Jackie chan
comes running in...
Jackie who?
(Sighs)
Will you sign my arm?
I'm callin' my manager.
He's not so dreamy anymore.
Relax, t.
Raf'll come crawling back
once he reads about this
in tomorrow's papers.
Lar? Jade.
If you want to catch
Jackie in action,
come to the Chinese
theater pronto.
Where is the demon?
Inside.
Uncle, the chi spell's ready?
I cannot prepare the spell.
What?! Need ingredients.
Why don't you have ingredients?
How am I supposed to
gather chi ingredients
when you steal my apprentice?
"Chaperone." Pahh.
Oh.
Chinatown. Hurry.
I'll try to keep
tchangzu inside.
Jackie! What?
Please, Jade, stay here.
Uncle: One more thing.
Powder of komodo dragon tooth.
One more thing.
Tincture of tortoise shell.
One more thing.
Castanets,
the symbol of tsao kuo-ch'iu.
(Crash)
In Chinatown?
Tchangzu: I will scorch
this city to the ground
while the sound of
thunder resonates!
Heh. Guy's a regular Olivier.
Welcome to the cheap
seats, chan.
You!
I shall prove that lightning
can indeed strike twice.
Baah!
Aah!
Oh...
If life gives you lemons...
Lar, glad you could make it.
Show's about to start.
What show?
Aah!
Bam!
Rhymes with chan.
State of the art.
You guys go all out.
Jade: Uncle!
Must prepare chi spell.
Hold these.
Who's the old guy?
Cranky co-star...
Occasional comedy relief.
Forget chan!
If that accursed old man
completes his chi spell,
you will be cast
back into limbo.
That would be our cue.
(Tohru grunts)
(Roars)
Aah!
(Gasps)
Uh, bam?
Oh!
Jade, play castanets, now!
He's also our musical director.
(Uncle chanting)
(Grunts)
No!
Ole!
(Growls)
So, uh, lar,
I'm thinking buddy picture?
Chan and dicapezio,
dicapezio and chan.
There is no picture,
and Jackie chan will never
do lunch in this town again
ever!
Lar didn't say
anything about dinner.
Come on, my treat.
We know of. A Mexican restaurant
where uncle found the castanets.
In Chinatown?
Hollywood is a strange
and mysterious place.
So we didn't get a movie deal.
Jackie chan has definitely
made his mark in Hollywood.
Hey, Jackie,
have you ever met
anybody famous?
One year I was doing, uh, Oscar.
I was standing in
the green room.
There's so many big
stars in the green room.
I see... wow, John Travolta.
Tom Hanks.
Oh, my god... Sidney poitier.
I don't know what...
What should I say?
Suddenly, there's a voice-
"Jackie chan,
can I shake your hand?"
I turn around... Robin Williams.
He said, "Jackie,
I'm a big fan of yours."
You are great."
That makes me proud.