JAG (1995–2005): Season 9, Episode 18 - What If - full transcript

CHEGWIDDEN:
If you will all
raise your glasses.

I present to you Petty Officer
First Class Jennifer Coates.

Your promotion will
be effective May 1.

Congratulations.

Hear, hear!
Hear, hear!

Congratulations.
Thank you.

Mmm, mmm.
Cookies.

Perhaps we should go by
order of rank: Admiral?

No, no, no.

Fortune cookies
aren't my thing.

TURNER:
I think we should
go alphabetically.



Well, that would
make you last--

"T" for Turner.

I say we go by height.

Excellent idea.

Commander,
pick your future.

Mmm...

You've got
to read it, sir.

Out loud.
That's the rules.

Tell us what it says.

I don't really
believe in these things.

MacKENZIE:
I think you won't
reveal your fortune

because you do believe.

Excuse me, Commander?

Your wife is here.



Well, this
is a surprise.

No uniform?

I'm T.A.D. to JAG

for transition briefings
at the Navy Annex.

Stopped by to have the admiral
sign off on my terminal leave.

You're leaving the service?

As of tomorrow.

That's why I need you
to sign our divorce papers...

today.

I'll sign the divorce papers.

You've been sitting
on them for a month.

What is the big hurry?

Well, it would be nice
to get a divorce

before I get married again.

You're getting married again?

When?
This weekend.

John planned a romantic trip
by train to Colorado.

He found a wedding chapel
overlooking the Rockies.

Who is John?

When did all this happen?

What is going on
in your life, Mac?

If you had ever listened
to me when we were married,

you'd know the answer to that.

I don't want to be here
five years from now

alone, childless and
still fighting with you.

Why did we ever
think it would work?

Because four years ago,
in Sydney Harbor,

we realized
we loved each other.

Love isn't enough, Harm.

Well, I hear it's a good
prerequisite for marriage.

Well, so is consideration,

time spent together and
a million other things.

Our marriage
always came last.

(knocking on door)

PETTY OFFICER:
Sir?

The admiral's requested you.

(MacKenzie sighs,
knocking on door)

You wanted to see me, Admiral?

I assume you've read the case
file on Marine Colonel Sutter.

What's your take?

He fired two rounds,

inches from an Iraqi
detainee's head

in order to coerce
information from him.

It's a clear violation.

But...

Well, he did extract
critical intel

that saved American
lives, ma'am.

It doesn't change the law.

It's going
to Article 32,

and I want you to prosecute.

Aye, aye, ma'am.

Ma'am, Colonel Sutter
is a headstrong,

highly decorated war hero

who marches to the
beat of his own drummer.

It's going to take a firm
hand from defense counsel.

Give me a name.

Colonel MacKenzie
is at JAG, T.A.D.

What do you think about
assigning her the case?

(knocking on door)

MacKENZIE:
Excuse the interruption,
Admiral.

About my terminal
leave request?

The commander and I
were just discussing that.

Change of plans.

You'll be defending
Colonel Sutter.

I appreciate the vote of
confidence in my abilities,

but I'll be on terminal
leave, as of tomorrow.

I haven't signed
your paperwork yet, Colonel.

I realize that, Admiral.

One last assignment.

It's only
an Article 32.

Your leave will be delayed
by a day or two at most.

Dismissed.

Aye, aye, ma'am.

I hope you know
what you're doing.

Oh, I think so.

Be careful
what you wish for.

MAN:
It's simple, Colonel.

I interrogated
an Iraqi detainee who had intel

on a planned ambush
of U.S. Marines-- my men.

He gave up time and place,
surrendered his cohorts.

There was no attack,

nor, after that,
any enemy activity in my sector.

End of story.

You personally escorted
the detainee outside the tent,

and fired two shots
next to his head.

It seemed to
clear his mind.

Threats and intimidation--
no matter what the result--

are violations
of the rules of interrogation.

You know who reported me?

A female judge advocate

who'd spent ten hours
questioning the detainee,

getting nowhere.

I don't see
the relevance, sir.

"Phony Marines," Colonel.

That's the relevance.

Women who've
never seen combat

can't possibly understand
what's at stake.

You don't like
what you hear?

Well, speaking
as a "phony Marine," sir,

I know what's at stake now.

You're charged
with aggravated assault

and communicating
a threat.

You're facing dismissal
and prison time.

Now, as I see it,

your character
is the key to this defense.

So, you tell me
if you like what you hear, sir.

I can see from the look
on your face, Commander.

You're wondering
why I went along

with assigning Colonel
MacKenzie to the case.

You figure I've gone soft.

There's not an ounce
of fat on you, Krennick.

Admiral.

The way I see it,

you need to get her
out of your system

so you can move on.

Find a woman
that's right for you.

You never give
up, do you?

You need a woman
that's tough, ambitious...

Ruthless?

That, too.

Someone who can give you
the ride of your life.

In case you forgot,

I've pulled nine-and-
a-half G's in a Tomcat.

Oh. Well, then maybe
you're finally ready for me.

MacKENZIE:
Oh, here.

I had this in my trunk.

Settlement of our house and
assets was the easy part.

Still have to divvy
up the memories.

Just a few items
got mixed in

when I packed up to leave.

I wondered where this was.

I remember when you separated it
from my Corvette.

As I recall,
a tire iron was involved.

Ah, and I recall a promise
to trade in the 'Vette

for something practical.

"Time to put away childish
things," you said.

And then you returned
from the dealership

with new racing wheels.

Ah, the good old days

when we would
break up to make up.

I don't want to have to
break up with someone

just to get them to
pay attention to me.

Oh, and if you think arranging
this little courtroom drama

is going to bring us
back together, Rabb,

you're out of your mind.

You misjudge me,
Mrs. Rabb.

Colonel Sutter deserves

the best legal counsel
out there.

That happens to be you.

Oh, I smell a rat.

I shouldn't say this,
but as prosecutor,

I support
Colonel Sutter's actions.

I'm in a mood to deal.

(clears throat)

Farrow?

Yeah,
it's been a while.

Last time I saw you,

my neck
was on the chopping block.

Along with Sarah's.

Why are you here, Colonel?

Oh, it's "John" now.

I took my 20
years retirement
from the Corps,

and I've started
a new life.

And the next chapter
is about to begin.

"John."

You're John.

Well, I guess congratulations
are in order.

Well, thank you
very much.

So, did you forget
about lunch today?

I waited at the restaurant
for about an hour.

Called your cell phone,
no answer.

I'm so sorry.

I had a meeting with a client.

I thought you were dropping by
the office

to get your
terminal leave papers signed.

The admiral assigned me
to a new case.

Kind of a last minute thing.

How'd that come up?
Don't ask.

Is it going to delay our trip?

Commander Rabb assures me
that we'll be able

to come to a quick resolution.

Oh, so, you're
representing
the other side?

Just like old times.

Only this time,

the arguments stay
in the courtroom.

I have an idea.

You two missed lunch,
so did I.

Let's grab a bite together.

We'll pass.

We could
discuss the case.

Might get you
on that train sooner, Sarah.

RABB:
So how did you two
rediscover each other, anyway?

MacKENZIE:
Well, a few months ago,

John was on the East Coast
doing business,

and he looked me up.

A few quick months,

and now you're
getting married?

Oh, you forget, Sarah and I
were acquainted before.

Oh. Didn't it come up
at your court-martial?

A little fraternization
back there in Okinawa,

when you were her
commanding officer?

Not that I can blame you.

So, what have you been up
to anyway, recently, John?

I mean, other than
marrying my wife?

Ex-wife.

I conduct guided river-rafting
tours in Colorado.

Colorado?

Yeah, it's the state
right next to Utah?

He's building us a cabin
in the woods.

You sure you know what
you're getting yourself into?

And out of.

All alone up there
in the woods.

Does it ever bother you
she shot her first husband?

Bother you?
Well, let's just say

I never kept a loaded
weapon around the house.

Can we move on?

Thank you.

So, you're getting married
this weekend, huh?

Where exactly
is this happening?

You're not invited.

We're taking the Zephyr
out of Chicago.

It's one of
the last great rail journeys

in the United States.

Straight through
the Rockies.

And it stops in this
little town called Unity.

It's where John's
grandparents got married.

It's where we're
going to tie the knot.

So, about this, uh...
Sutter case.

Yeah, you said you're
willing to deal.

RABB:
To a point.

Given the severity
of the man's offense.

Alleged offense.

Well, taking into account
his character

and his unblemished record,

the government
would be willing to accept

dismissal
without confinement.

He's eligible
for retirement.

If he accepts that deal,

he loses his pension
and his benefits.

If he goes to court,

he's looking at eight years
in Leavenworth.

You never change, do you?

This is your
idea of a deal?

She's a tough one, John.

But I guess you
know that, don't you?

Oh, she can be tough
when she needs to be.

Like when she's defending a man
who deserves a commendation,

not a court-martial.

Not according
to the law.

I'm not a lawyer, Commander.

I just know what's right.

Look, Harm,

John and I are going to
be on that train tomorrow,

so give me something
I can work with.

Fine.

The man is a decorated war hero,
after all,

and he only made a mistake.

We can all
make mistakes, right?

You're living proof of that.

I'm willing to offer
broken sword early out.

Terms?
Nonjudicial punishment.

The colonel
retires immediately

and receives full benefits.

FARROW:
Sounds like a sell-out

to this old Marine.

Well, age does afford
perspective, doesn't it, John.

You're damn right.

Well, quitting is
still quitting, Harm.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

Some people do
throw in the towel

when the going gets rough.

I'll talk to the colonel.

If he agrees, we agree.

You set me up.

What?!

Colonel Sutter
rejected the deal.

It seems his division commander
made a similar offer a week ago

and he turned it down then.

You knew
he'd want to go to court.

Don't you miss this?

What I'll miss is my train.

The honeymoon express?

You lying lowlife.

Hey, you started this.

You didn't have to
waltz through JAG.

You could've had the admiral
fax you your leave papers.

I'm going to kick your butt.

I'll look forward to it.

Well, if we're going by height,
Admiral,

you're the next victim.

CHEGWIDDEN:
Looking at Bud,

I don't think he can
hold off much longer.

Go ahead.

Thank you, sir.

Only if Harriet
opens hers first.

Our fortunes
have been intertwined.

In sickness and in health.

Come on,
you got to read them out loud.

BOTH:
"Your unspoken desire
is the road not taken.

Take it."

(both laughing)

CHEGWIDDEN:
It's a match.

What are the chances, huh?

Pretty good, sir.

Fate has already
thrown them together.

So funny, huh?
Still with us, Commander?

Yes, sir.

I was, uh, I was just thinking.

Oh, that one goes
in the master bedroom

walk-in closet, please.

Yes, ma'am.

Sadie, I have to run an errand.

I'll be back
in about an hour.

Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.

Bud?

Harriet?

How are you?

I'm good.

Rich.
Rich?

My parents died
in a boating accident in July.

I'm sorry.

Left me all the money
I could ever need.

But that doesn't buy me
an emergency bathroom remodel.

So, that's why you're
here-- is plumbing?

My contractor left me
high and dry and I need

a spa installation
by Friday

for my housewarming party.

I thought you
moved to Florida.

I did. I moved back.

By Friday? No problem.

Harriet!

Mikey. Hi.

Wow,
last time I saw you

was, uh, was the day
you dumped Bud at the altar.

That was in
the past, Mikey.

You were just
talking about it yesterday.

Anyway, about the bathroom...

RABB:
Major Clayton,

you were
the Judge Advocate

assigned to Colonel
Sutter's unit.

You fielded
the original complaint

from the detainee regarding
the colonel's actions.

Correct.

The detainee reported
that Colonel Sutter

twice fired a pistol
within six inches of his ear,

for the purpose
of extracting information.

Do the rules
of engagement

prohibit abusing
prisoners?

Yes, they do.

What is your opinion
of Colonel Sutter?

Objection.

Counsel seems to be
having trouble

sticking to the
rules, himself.

Rules of evidence
don't permit opinion.

Goes to establishing
a pattern

of behavior, Your Honor.

Counsel can appreciate that.

I'll allow it.

The witness will answer
the question.

CLAYTON:
He's a cowboy, sir.

He believes the ends
justify the means.

No further questions.

Your witness,
Colonel.

Major, do our enemies in Iraq
comply with the rules of war?

The enemy there is fighting
an irregular war, ma'am,

but the Iraqi Fedayeen
are not on trial here.

They damn well
should be.

Colonel, another outburst,
I'll hold you in contempt.

Did Colonel Sutter's
actions save the lives

of American personnel?

Fortunately.

Nevertheless, rules exist
for a reason.

Oh, so, in your opinion,
rules and regulations

are more important
than American lives.

I have nothing further,
Your Honor.

SIMS:
Whatever happened
to the Navy, Bud,

and your dream
of becoming a lawyer?

Well, I kind of
lost interest in it

right after you lost
interest in me.

That's not
what happened, Bud.

Well, then, why didn't
you want to marry me?

And don't tell me
it was because

I got beat up by
a pregnant stripper

at my bachelor party.

No, at the time,
I didn't think

you were mature enough.

Now, I don't think
the problem was you.

It was me.

RABB:
That was some pretty sharp
legal maneuvering today

in the courtroom.

Thanks.

You want
this clock?

You bought it.

It's a memento
from our honeymoon.

Do you want to know
what I remember

from our honeymoon?

It rained, and you made
a zillion cell phone calls.

I was working
on a big case.

My case-- at least it was,
until I married you,

got shipped out of JAG,

and Admiral Chegwidden
reassigned it.

Remember our first
Christmas together?

The tree
was right there.

Mostly what I remember
is me hauling out

a dried twig
on Valentine's Day.

Were you always
this bitter?

Loving you was like
stepping on a rusty nail.

RABB:
Want the bed?

I don't need it.

John's building me
a cherry four-poster

with a silk canopy.

How quaint.

Nothing wrong
with a canopy.

Oh, yeah, it's
nice protection

for when
the roof leaks.

Nothing John
does leaks.

(toy squeaking)

I could sell tickets to
this museum of adolescence.

I thought you might
like to have this.

Oh, I don't need it.
I have my memories.

Yeah, well, I have mine, too.

I hope you're not

going to give me
your ring back.

How long did
you wear yours?

A while.

It was like a string
around my finger,

reminding me not
to look back.

Hey, we had
good times, Mac.

Do you believe in fate,
kismet, destiny?

No.

Here with you,
today,

I keep thinking,
what if I told you

we were meant
to be together?

I'd tell you
you were crazy.

Look, I know things
didn't quite work out...

You have a gift
for understatement.

...but what if we were
meant to be together

and we just got
in our own way?

"What if" just
doesn't get it done.

I guess I just kept
thinking there was time.

Love can't wait.

And neither
can the judge.

We're due back in court
in 20 minutes.

VARESE:
♪ What if I'd said "I will"
instead of "I won't"? ♪

♪ What if I'd said "I do"
instead of "I don't"? ♪

♪ If I did it again maybe
I'd come home to you ♪

♪ Not a cold empty bed. ♪

That was amazing.

Thank you, Ms. Sims.

Mr. Turner,
Varese tells me

you and I have
something in common.

I once worked
for JAG, too,

although it seems
like a lifetime ago.

Well, I'm a recent
dropout.

You and I have
business to talk about.

I have the agreement
terms in my case.

(doorbell chimes)

Excuse me
a second.

My bathroom
guy's here.

You sounded great.

Thank you.

Now we're leaving
for Paris

tomorrow night,
right?

Oh, yes.
Don't you worry.

The honeymoon
is so on schedule.

Oh, I can't wait.
Mm-hmm.

HARRIET:
Marta, that box of photographs

goes out
in the garage.

Yes, ma'am.
Thanks.

MIKEY:
That's Horst Fisher!

That German
soccer player!

You a soccer fan,
Harriet?

Nah, he was a suitor.

They were
all suitors.

Race car drivers,
polo players,

a jai-alai champion.

I got really popular
when I got really rich.

"Broke"?

Braque.

And it belongs
in a museum.

I'm leaving it to
the Modern in my will.

It's called
"Girl With a Guitar."

She looks more like
road kill, to me.

$2 million worth of
road kill, Mikey,

but who's
keeping track?

RABB:
General Montrose,

as Colonel Sutter's
battalion commander,

do you believe
his actions

violated the Geneva
Conventions?

Technically, yes.

Yes or no, sir?

Yes.

Thank you. Your witness.

General, isn't it true
you waited

until a Judge Advocate
under your command

filed a complaint,
and only then informed

the chain of command
of what had occurred?

That's one way
to look at it.

Do you believe Colonel Sutter
should be punished?

I think he should be
given a damn medal.

War is hell.

You can't play
by the rules

when your enemy
is duplicitous

and underhanded.

I'll say.

Objection! Counsel's
testifying, Your Honor.

That was under
my breath,

and besides, I object,
Your Honor.

Counsel is badgering me.

Counselor, you're
flirting with contempt.

I am not flirting.

Believe me.

No further questions.

RABB:
Redirect, Your Honor.

Colonel Sutter's actions, sir,

are in clear violation
of the UCMJ.

Do you not believe

that he should be
held responsible

for those actions--
that, indeed,

all who wear
the uniform should be?

Yes.

Opposing counsel
is attempting

to muddy the waters
by spreading the blame.

She's blaming
Major Clayton,

she's blaming you.

But the point is
she, too, should be

held responsible
for her own actions.

Your Honor, where is
counsel going with this?

Might be interesting
to find out.

My point is that
we can blame others

for our predicaments,
but the truth is

we make our own bed.

Objection, Your Honor--
he didn't

make the bed
in two years!

Let's try to stay on
the subject, Counselor.

If you had convinced
your client

to take the original deal,

you'd be on
the Zephyr already.

Unless, of course,
you don't want to be.

Objection!

That was under my breath,
Your Honor.

I've lost
the unraveling thread

of the argument here,
Counselors.

I'm calling for a recess.

The Government rests,
Your Honor.

I believe my case
has been made.

General, you may step down.

Well, that went well.

ROBERTS:
I believe it's
your turn, sir.

Go ahead, Colonel.

Dodging fate?

CHEGWIDDEN: No, just
stale cookies.

I'll do it if you
do it, sir.

It's just for fun.

BOTH:
"Your unspoken desire
is the road not taken."

Same fortune?

At least they're
consistent at this joint.

You didn't have
the Kung Pao Chicken.

I told you this
thing is dumb.

I don't know, sir.

Haven't you ever wondered about
the road not taken?

You have, haven't you, sir?

Wow!

You make one wrong turn
at Lake Erie and....

you end up in paradise!

Hey, folks, it's me,
Bud Roberts,

owner of Bud's Hot Tubs,

and have I got
something for you.

A.J.!

Come quick,
you've got to see this.

Quick, before it's gone.

...new Blue Grotto 9,000...

Isn't that the young man
from your JAG command

that we had over
for dinner?

...that won't drown
your bank account.

In the flesh.

I warned Roberts
when he left the Navy

it was a big mistake.

And I mean anybody,
or I'm a monkey's uncle.

(gorilla hooting)

I swear, we're not related.

Here, A.J., make time
for the muffin.

I'm already late.

(cell phone ringing)

...for no money down,

so stop on by, I'll make
you a spa-rific deal.

Chegwidden.

When things get hot,

Bud gets in the tub.

Well, how the hell
did you lose her, Wong?

No, I don't want
to hear excuses.

You put every
available man on it.

You can start by finding

that middleman of hers,
Stan Rockman.

My defendant
skipped bail.

A.J., you're a lawyer,
not a bounty hunter.

When you retired
from the Navy,

I thought you were
going to ease up a bit.

What, this?
This is your big case?

She is such
a sweet-looking girl.

Hardly.

Back under my watch, a
couple Christmases ago,

Petty Officer
Jennifer Coates

went UA
from the Navy.

Now she's part of
an art theft ring.

They take orders from

wealthy collectors in Asia

and fill them by stealing

from museums and
private collectors.

AKA "The Catwoman."

That's what the press
is calling her.

Pretty damn silly.

Do you think she's
still in the area?

I know she is.

She's after a rare
Shakespeare folio

for a client
in Singapore.

Shakespeare?

Oh, A.J., it sounds like
you could use my help.

No.

"Ms. H. Sims of 29 Ayrdale
Drive, purchased at auction.

"Bears the armorial bookplate of
the third Earl of Palliser,

who was afterwards
the Duke of Omnium."

COATES:
He acquired the book

circa 1868.

The name Palliser
is inscribed across

the top of the opening of
The Merry Wives of Windsor.

How much do you think
we can get, Stan?

I got some buyers in Japan
willing to pay three mil.

You know, it's
a status thing.

It's like paying five large
for a bottle of Romanae Conti.

So, uh, this
Sims mansion,

it's got
security, right?

Oh, yes.

Motion sensors, state-of-
the-art alarm system.

And you know this how?

I was casing
the joint yesterday,

as a cook's assistant.

I got a job with the caterer
Harriet Sims hired

for her big party on Friday.

I'll be passing
canapés all night long.

BARTENDER:
What would you like?
Mai-tai.

Let me have
a martini.
Right away.

So, is there anything
else there worth boosting?

A couple of
Renoir pastels.

Very nice.

A Braque oil,
"Girl with a Guitar."

After we lift the folio,
we can pay the Heiress
Sims a second visit.

Excellent.

What's my cut
in all this?

10% of the net.

15 of the gross.
I take all the risks.

And I move all
the merchandise.

Without me, sweetheart,
you're nothing.

Isn't it about time

you introduced me
to your contacts?

Oh, come on, Jen.

Geez, you just
jumped bail.

I mean, I shouldn't
even be seen with you.

Stan, you don't
know this yet,

but I'm your future.

MacKENZIE:
Captain Rogers, you served
under Colonel Sutter

for ten months.

In your estimation,

is he a man of
good character?

I've never known
a finer leader, ma'am.

Thank you.
No further questions.

RABB:
Good character
is often used

to excuse conduct
unbecoming,

is it not, Captain?

Objection, counsel
is testifying.

I'll rephrase,
Your Honor.

A person
of fine character

is capable of unethical

and ill-advised behavior,
do you agree?

I suppose it's possible,
Commander.

When men of good character
act poorly,

they should be
held accountable

for their actions,
correct?

Yes, sir.

And they should
be aware

of how those actions,

no matter how
well intended,

affect those
around them,

and they should
never be too proud

to admit when they've
overstepped and been wrong.

Uh, I agree with that...
statement, sir.

Do you?

Asked and answered.

Thank you,
Captain.

Nothing further.

SIMS:
Bud, I just want to thank you
so much for everything.

The bathroom
looks great.

Let's talk
about the bill.

No charge.

Don't be silly,
Bud.

You and Mikey worked hard.

Name your figure.
I can afford it.

How 'bout a million bucks?

(chuckling):
Oh... okay.

I'll just write
a check.

Address is on
the invoice.

Mail at your
convenience.

Bud, can I confess
something to you?

I have all the money
in the world,

and it still feels like
something's missing.

Like... Like
everything's missing.

What about you?

I'm still the same man, Harriet.

I watch Star Trek reruns
every Saturday night.

All those half-naked girls
in your hot tub commercials,

you never...

Found anyone? No.

At least

you don't have a carton
full of bad memories.

Oh, I didn't say that.

Why don't you and Mikey
come to the party?

You never know what
fate has in store.

You might find the girl
of your dreams.

Maybe I already have?

Taking a trip
down memory lane?

(sighs)

Every now and then,
I find myself thinking

that you're not
the worst thing

that ever
happened to me.

Mind if I get personal?

Yes, but I doubt
it'll stop you.

I meant what I said
this morning in the courtroom.

I'll never understand
why it's so hard for you

to be nice.

Look, you need to do
what you feel is right.

And if that means living
in a frigid cabin

in the wilds of Colorado,
so be it.

I like you when
you're like this.

You married
the wrong guy once, Mac.

Just be sure you're not making
the same mistake again.

FARROW:
I'm sorry I'm

late...

Well, I'll, uh...

I'll, uh, I'll knock
next time.

No. There won't
be a next time.

The commander was
just apologizing

for his many deficiencies
and wishing us a happy life

together.

See you in court.

Oh. Everything working out
between you and the colonel?

It's an ongoing
process.

I assume you're talking

about the Article
32, Admiral.

Isn't that what we were
talking about, Commander?

(elevator bell dings)

You told me it was finished
between you and Rabb.

It is.

That's not what I just saw.

Well, look again.

MEREDITH:
Imagine my surprise
to discover the purchaser

of this folio is
an acquaintance of my husband.

How is the admiral?

Preoccupied, grumpy,
never home for dinner.

Good to see some
things never change.

Hmm.

I'm so grateful
to have a chance

to see this folio
for my research.

Yeah, it's just too bad
someone wrote all over it.

No, not really.

You see, that's what separates
one folio from another.

The marginalia
gives us an idea

as to the reading habits
of each of its owners.

One of its readers--

probably the Lady
Glencora-- writes

that Hamlet reminds her
of her husband, Plantagenet.

"Always dithering."

It places the book
in its social context.

You're very lucky to have this.

Well, to be honest,

I bought this on the advice
of my financial planner.

It's safer than stocks.

Don't forget to
invite the admiral

to my housewarming, okay?

Okay, I-I'll make sure
that we attend.

Meanwhile, will you make sure

that you really do
keep this folio safe?

(beeps, then a click)
Not to worry.

Anyone tries to budge
this bad boy...

(alarm blaring)

In for a rude surprise.

That is, if they
make it this far.

The motion detector,
up there, will go off
if anything larger

than a housefly buzzes
this display case.

(click and beep)

The folio is safe.

RABB:
Colonel Sutter,

is it true that, during
the first Gulf War,

as a major,
you commandeered
an Iraqi tank

and used it to
draw out the enemy?

I did.

It proved quite effective.

Though a violation
of orders, Colonel.

Affirmative.

And prior to that, during
the Panama Incursion,

you were you in
similar violation

when you appropriated

a pair of night vision
goggles from an Army base...

MacKENZIE:
Objection, Your Honor.

I don't see the point
of this litany.

The point is,

your client has
established a pattern

of making the same
mistakes over and over.

But you should
understand that.

Ah, so this is
about me now.

Well, I'm not the
one running away.

Do you ever think
before you speak?

SEBRING:
I'd like to see

counsel at the bench
for a sidebar.

What is going on here?

If he's
trying to say

that people don't
change, he's right.

He is still the
same underhanded,

deceptive jerk
he always was.

Still speaking
through intermediaries, Mac?

Have you two considered
counseling?

Total bust.
Our marriage
counselor quit.

I want you two to find a way
to solve your problems,

so we can continue on
with these proceedings.

We have been trying
to solve them

for two years,
Your Honor.

Maybe it's time to move on.

Oh, I think
these issues can be resolved.

I don't.

Just when
you open up,

just when I think that
maybe we have a shot,

you find a way
to screw things up.

And I'm tired
of this dance.

We apologize,
Your Honor.

There will be
no more bickering.

This is the end.

The defense rests.

This hearing will
stand in recess

until 0900
tomorrow.

Colonel, you
may step down.

(bangs gavel)

(laughter)

Your turn, Commander.

No, I-I can't.

I can only eat soy cookies.
I'm allergic.

ROBERTS:
Oh, talk
about a rough

childhood, sir.

Colonel, you haven't
cracked a cookie yet.

That's right, Mac.

What does it say?

Nothing. It's silly.

Well, your face says
something different.

Fine, I'll read it.

It says,

"Wherever you go,
there you are."

The accused will rise.

SEBRING:
Colonel Sutter,

I've heard many
things in this court

that have greatly
troubled me.

Lucky for you,

none of them have anything
to do with this case.

Counselors, were it not

that I found
your marital squabblings

exceedingly
entertaining,

I would consider
disciplinary action.

Colonel, I've determined that,

though a violation did occur,

circumstances mitigate

against recommending this matter
to court-martial.

My recommendation

is for administrative
action only.

This hearing is adjourned.

I got us on
the afternoon train.

RABB:
Whoa, whoa!

I thought you were going
to Harriet's this afternoon

for the housewarming party.

Already sent
my regrets.

Oh. That's a shame.

You're moving all the way
across country

and you're never going to see
those good folks again.

You know, the commander
has a point, Sarah.

You don't want to leave
any unfinished business.

It's settled then.

(mellow jazz version of
"Isn't It Romantic?" plays )

TURNER: The boys are
smokin' today.

They're not
the only ones.

Really?

I thought I was
a little off for
the first set.

No. Couldn't have
been better.

Harriet, hi.
Hi.

How are you?
This is my fiancé,
John Farrow.

Oh! So nice
to meet you.

FARROW:
Nice... Nice to meet you.
(Harriet laughs)

FARROW:
I've heard so
much about you.

HARRIET:
Oh, well, likewise.

FARROW: Wonderful
place you have.

HARRIET:
Thank you so much.

Not ready to throw
in the towel yet?

Why should I?

Because you're
in the 13th round

of a 12-round fight.

You think
you still got a shot?

She came to the party,
didn't she?

I didn't twist her arm...
much.

Admiral, since you've delighted

in giving me enough rope
to hang myself, what do you say

you cut me
just a little more slack?

What's in it for me?

Rebound potential.

Excuse me, I don't
mean to bother you,

but I have a small
plumbing problem.

Could I see you
for just a second?

Sure. Let's go take a look.

We'll be
right back.
All right.

Hors d'oeuvre?

Yeah, sure.

You know,
you surprise me.

I can't believe
Harriet would
hire a felon.

'Cause you stole
my heart from clear
across the room.

Wong, we don't
find this girl,

we don't have a case.

Is that clear?

She's here, A.J.

Uh...

Who?

Your elusive cat.

I saw her.

Your imagination is
getting the best of you again.

Remember when you thought
the, uh-- hey--

crossing guard
was a hit woman?

There.

That is not
my imagination.

Meredith, please.

Aha!

(Meredith screams)

Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, honey...

RABB:
Colonel Farrow.

I don't believe you've met
Admiral Krennick.

Your reputation precedes you,
Colonel Farrow.

Terminal leave, Mac.

Signed, sealed and delivered.

MacKENZIE:
Thank you, Admiral.

I believe
this merits a toast.

If the gentlemen
will be so kind?

You've got
two very good men there.

Hate to choose.

And love
to have the chance.

I made my choice.

Are you sure about that?

If you keep
chasing your past,

your future's going
to walk right out the door.

(phone beeps on)

It's Jen. I'm in.
Give me five.

STAN:
On my way.

(keypad beeps)

It's me.

Rock and roll.

I don't understand, A.J.

You know, I know
I do stupid things sometimes.

I'm afraid that, one day,

I'm going to do something
so stupid

you're going
to stop loving me.

That's ridiculous.

That'll never happen.

You believe in fate?

I'm a rationalist, A.J.

Well, I do.

I believe if people are
meant to be together,

they will be, no matter
what the obstacles.

If we were on opposite
sides of the world,

we would find a way
to be with each other.

You think?

Yes.

One last turn.

There you go.

Thank you.

Sucks not having a man
in my life.

Bud, does it bother you

that I have a lot more money
than you do?

I hate to break it
to you, Harriet,

but I-I probably have
more money than you do.

Call it a fluke,
or good fortune,

but I am the Spa King.

I have 17 outlets
in five states.

And I hold the patent
on the Miracle Tickler.

It's a special little
jet that produces a...

Tickling effect?

(Varese singing gentle melody
in distance)

♪ What if I could try again? ♪

♪ If all of my "noes"
had been "yeses" ♪

♪ Where would my path
have lead? ♪

♪ I confess that unless
I miss my guess ♪

♪ I'd be someplace else
instead... ♪

(whispering):
Come on!

I'm coming,
I'm coming!

I got little legs and
they don't go that fast.

Is that it?

No, it's
Poor Richard's Almanac.

Oh, cute. Real cute.

Come on. Hurry up.

Relax.

♪ Oh, was it you that I fooled,
or me? ♪

♪ What if I'd let you
under my skin? ♪

♪ It's so easy to end
what's so hard to begin ♪

♪ Don't mind me
if I nurse my illusions... ♪

Going away present.

Our divorce papers.

You can file them
with your terminal leave papers,

your retirement orders,
and every other burned bridge

from your past, unhappy life.

You just won't give up.

Hey, I'm not the one
giving up, Mac, you are.

Oh, I'm moving on.

Escaping.

Admit it.

Throwing away your career,

running off to the woods
with Farrow.

It's just not you.

In your opinion.

Hey, you can't deny
who you are, Mac.

You can't deny us.

There is no "us," Harm.

And what you're
doing right now,

this is exactly you.

Not committing until I've
got one foot out the door.

Even your pal Krennick
thinks it's time for me

to walk out of here
with Farrow.

They make a lovely couple.

Of course, looks
can be deceiving.

They were married
for two years.

Oh, I wouldn't
worry about it.

The commander's blown
his last chance,

and he knows it.

Well, the man
has a strange way

of accepting defeat.

Oh, it's just pride.

Surely an old Marine
can understand that.

So, you've won, Colonel.

It's time to claim your spoils
while you still can.

Women don't like
to be tested.

We're leaving.

Our train doesn't leave...

Now, John!

If that's what you want.

VARESE:
♪ Cold, empty bed ♪

♪ They say hindsight is 20-20 ♪

♪ We're so clever
at reinventing the past ♪

♪ Now, when I lie awake... ♪

Congratulations.

♪ And relive each mistake ♪

♪ I see how good I was ♪

You let her go, you're
making a mistake.

The rest of your life
you'll wonder, "What if?"

♪ If I'd stayed around,
'stead of leaving ♪

♪ Would you have stuck
with me? ♪

Destiny has spoken,
my friend.

My dad says destiny
speaks through the
choices we make.

♪ I didn't see
what we could be ♪

♪ What if I'd let you in
just to see what's what? ♪

♪ What if I thought of "Why"
instead of "Why not"? ♪

You really think
you saw her?

Here you go, sir.

Thank you.

That white jacket at the end,
that belongs to my wife.

Well, she used to be my wife.

She is, in fact.

Thank you.

Yes, sir.

♪ It's so easy to end
what's so hard to begin ♪

♪ Don't mind me
if I nurse my illusions... ♪

Destiny.

Huh.

I don't get what people
see in these old scribbles.

I know.

Nice.

Hold it right there.

Oh, hold it, my ass.

I wouldn't do that.

I'm a member
of the Falls Church

Ladies Rotarian
Pistol Club.

Why do I think that
club's not accredited?

Try me.

Oh, who cares?

It's not loaded, anyway.

You're such an idiot, Stan.

That's not a real gun.

And I'm not a real thief.

Hey, what the hell is going on?

Nice work, Jennifer.

CHEGWIDDEN:
Wong, what the hell
are you doing here?

Sorry, A.J.
To make this sting work,

I had to leave you
out of the loop.

You mean, she's...?

In on it.

Sorry to disappoint you,
Mr. Prosecutor.

Oh, terrific.

See?

Maybe, next time,
you won't be so quick

to underestimate
the power of my imagination.

I live in fear of the
power of your imagination.

(train whistle blows)

FARROW:
The train's
sold out, Sarah.

We can't just buy
you a new ticket.

John, I'm so sorry.

You've been so great
about everything.

Especially Harm.

Well, he's doing
what any man would do.

Can't be easy
watching the woman you love

walk out of your life.

You marched out
of that party so quickly,

you forgot your jacket.

And your ticket.

Thanks.

I, uh, my pride wouldn't
let me walk back in.

I appreciate it.

I know it wasn't
easy coming here.

I just wanted to make sure

Mac got to wherever it is
she wants to go.

Why are you doing this?

'Cause it's the right thing
to do.

I've stopped
trying to stop you.

FARROW:
You ready, Sarah?

(whistle blowing)

(wind gusting)

CONDUCTOR:
All aboard!

I'm sorry, John.

Fate just... keeps finding a way
to intervene.

Or maybe you just weren't
holding on strong enough.

(train whistle blows)

Good-bye, Sarah.

I'm ready.

Are you?

CHEGWIDDEN:
Commander?

We're ready to go.
You with us?

Uh, y-yes, sir.

Oh, I forgot my coat.

I'll get it.

Thanks.

You all right?

Yeah, I was just pondering
the road not taken.

Yet.