JAG (1995–2005): Season 10, Episode 10 - The Four Percent Solution - full transcript
After sunset on Christmas Eve, Mac has a car wreck, which renders her unconscious and sends her to a hospital; she dreams flashbacks about a recent conversation with her therapist and about certain significant events in her life, especially ones involving Webb and Harm. While unconscious Mac repeatedly speaks Harm's name, so an EMT finds Harm's cellphone number in Mac's PDA, then the EMT calls Harm. Harm promptly goes to Mac's hospital room, and he soon says that he'll stay there with her that night. Harm and Mac start a process of reaching out to and communicating with each other.
♪ Oh, come, all ye faithful ♪
♪ Joyful and triumph... ♪
(changes channel)
(instrumental version of
"Come All Ye Faithful" playing)
MAN: holiday
blues, and it results
from things like
stress, fatigue,
over-commercialization,
inability to be with
family and friends,
unrealistic expectations...
In other words,
you have no idea.
WOMAN: But what can I do?
MAN: Well, keep your
expectations manageable,
but most important, you need
to trust in the way things work.
Embrace the lessons
of every challenge,
and expect good from
everything that seems bad.
WOMAN: Thank you,
Doctor. Don't buy it.
It's bogus.
MAN: Enjoy your Christmas.
Give me a break.
♪ Oh, come, let us... ♪
(tires screeching)
(crashing)
(sirens blaring)
MAN: Okay.
(garbled radio transmission)
How are you feeling, ma'am?
(groans)
Now, you've been in an accident.
We're here to help.
I'm going to get you
to the hospital, okay?
(whispering): What did you say?
(his voice and McCool's):
You're going to be all right, ma'am.
You can trust us...
McCOOL: But most important,
trust in the way things work.
Embrace the lessons
of every challenge
and... expect good from
everything that seems bad.
What?
MAN: It's okay,
ma'am, it's okay.
You're going to be all right.
(knocking)
Yes?
Colonel.
I was in the building, um...
Things okay?
I haven't killed anyone.
That's encouraging.
Look, do you... you get
samples of medication,
sleeping pills,
that sort of thing?
I don't have any on hand,
if that's what you're asking.
Are you in the habit
of taking sleep aids?
No, just the opposite.
It's part of the problem.
I... I've had insomnia
for four days.
I thought I'd get past it.
I-I've tried everything:
supplements,
allergy medication;
nothing's worked.
I just need something
to get me over the hump.
Something disturbing you?
My body is just out of whack.
I'd call that disturbing.
Things have happened.
Since your hostage crisis?
You're calling that a crisis?
(sighs)
Uh, wasn't that the
reason that we met?
I was under orders.
So...
can you write me a prescription?
Not without a more
substantive conversation.
Therapy. Hmm.
I just need to get a sense
of your state of mind.
Now, were-weren't you
just... getting ready to leave?
I could talk a bit.
It's stuff at the
office, mostly.
Um, there's been
tension with a colleague.
TURNER: You and I
need to clear the air.
I'm not sure you
don't still resent me
for withholding news
about your boyfriend.
You've made your argument.
The information was classified.
And you accept that?
On a professional level.
Anyway, it's old news.
I tracked him down.
You serious?
What do you know?
You're not going to tell me.
Classified.
I'm already in the loop.
Hmm. The loop turned
into a figure eight.
What does that mean?
Sorry.
I want you to respect
me in the morning.
(door slams shut)
Can you discuss it with me?
To a point.
You were looking
for your boyfriend...
A CIA officer by trade.
Call him John, for the
sake of this discussion.
Commander Turner's questions
actually prompted
my curiosity about him,
which encouraged
me to track him down.
That led me to
Hawaii on a mission
to bring back his body,
which actually turned out to
be... I'm sorry? John was dead?
Alive and kicking,
as it turned out.
I have the bruises to prove it.
You'll need to explain.
He faked his own death,
pretended to be one of
three who drowned at sea.
He deceived you.
It was actually one
deception in two parts.
A bargain at any price.
I'm surprised you think
your sleeplessness
has to do with office tension.
It doesn't.
I just don't want
to get into it.
Could I ask you to sit down?
Did you love this man?
I was working on it.
Until he betrayed you.
It's a hell of a thing.
And you ended it?
The two of us had it out,
and then he went...
off to save the world
from people like himself.
Was the confrontation
unsatisfying?
He had no sense of what
he had put me through.
He said he was sorry, but, um...
it was... clearly business.
What did you want
from the encounter?
His actual death would
have been appropriate.
Do you have fantasies
about killing John?
(sighs)
No...
No.
His mother, maybe.
(thunder rumbling)
I.D., ma'am?
Where is he?
With the others, ma'am,
in the adjoining room.
I'd like to see him.
Sorry, Colonel.
He needs to be ID'd, Chief.
WOMAN: Already done, dear.
Are you Sarah?
Yes.
I'm Mrs. Porter Webb.
Thank you.
Um, no chairs?
We're not set up
for this, ma'am.
Well, I'm glad you're here.
You had quite an
effect on my son.
He loved you, my dear.
Take it to heart.
That said...
let him go.
It won't serve any
of us to dwell on this.
MacKENZIE: Should've
picked up on the cues.
His mother was part of the ruse.
When I asked the
deputy director of the CIA
to let me accompany
John's body back,
he sent her down ahead of me.
Once next of kin
makes the identification,
the remains are off limits.
You didn't speak to her
before you left for Hawaii?
We had never met.
Why weren't you more suspicious?
Doesn't viewing generally
occur on the mainland?
She had special clearances,
was a former
agency code breaker.
His father was also an insider.
Well, that must have
concerned you on some level.
I didn't use standard logic
because of my close
relationship with John.
I expected fair play.
You said the deception
was in two parts.
Prior to the drowning incident,
he'd gone to great
lengths to make me think
he was in Germany when
he was actually in Indonesia.
And that didn't signal anything?
Why are you
doubting my instincts?
Because you already have.
I'm just following your lead.
For what purpose?
To help you
identify your feelings.
I already know what
I'm feeling... I'm pissed.
That it? Humiliated.
I would think so.
Hurt, I guess.
The idea that they could
take advantage of my grief.
You felt grief?
Well, what do you think?
I think... you should
answer the question.
(chuckles) You know what?
I'm not doing this anymore.
I feel worse now
than when I came in.
Well, that's unfortunate,
but I can't see
how I've done
anything to threaten you.
Well, we'll just make
it my problem, then.
(door slams shut)
(sighs)
I need that prescription.
(sirens blaring)
(mumbling)
Easy, easy, easy, easy.
What was that, ma'am?
(whispering inaudibly)
I hear you.
You want to know if I grieved?
Yes.
He wasn't dead.
And prior to your knowing that?
I cried.
Did it make you
feel better, worse?
I couldn't characterize it.
It was what it was.
Well, I think the
idea of grieving
is to express loss
in as complete
and honest a way as possible.
Does that describe
what you experienced?
What does it matter?
A great deal, if your
process was cut short.
I really can't say.
What about the loss
of your relationship...
Did you grieve that?
Yeah, I was so sad to
get rid of that bastard.
(sighs)
How long were you together?
About a year.
Do you have good
memories about that year?
Yeah, some.
Do they feel invalidated?
You bet.
You could grieve that...
The loss of those memories.
Why? They're meaningless now.
Is that the attitude you've
taken with the men in your life?
Well, two of them
were shot dead.
Not many Hallmark moments there.
We spoke of your husband.
Who else?
Dalton, a man I was seeing,
was shot by a cop
who was stalking me.
Did you say a cop?
My life is a tabloid.
Is that really how
you look at it?
It's hard not to.
(sighs)
The term is "diminishing."
Making light of, what
I would assume to be,
painful experiences.
Well, whatever gets
you through the day.
Ah, but we're talking
about the night, aren't we?
Yes.
Do you feel guilty
about what happened?
(sighs)
I'm an alcoholic.
I feel guilty about everything.
Do you still drink?
Not since Dalton.
That's an accomplishment.
John was drinking, around
the time of my hostage crisis.
Were you resentful?
Yes,
but he also wouldn't
let me get away
with any of my crap,
which helped me deal with it.
And there's a good memory.
But, as Harm likes
to point out, he's a liar,
and that card
trumps all the others.
Which one is Harm?
You know, one of the
people at the office.
And you discuss things with him?
Endlessly.
(phone ringing)
I'm sorry, I usually switch it
to voice mail before a session.
Excuse me.
(ringing continues)
Commander McCool.
MAN: Hey, baby, how are you?
Hi.
Um, not right away.
What time does it start, 7:30?
Tell her I'm proud of
her and I'll see her soon.
I got to go.
Love you, too.
You have a daughter.
Just turned 11.
Need to leave?
Eventually.
So, back to Harm.
I don't want to talk about Harm.
I would like to
ask you a question.
You have a family. I don't.
Different lives.
What makes you feel
qualified to judge me...
Your piece of paper on the wall?
That piece of paper
on my wall qualifies me
to listen, not to judge.
So, if there's anything more
you have to offer
about yourself,
I welcome that.
Otherwise, it might be a
good idea for you to leave.
I haven't been
turning the lights on
in my apartment at night.
After I come home from work I...
I leave them off.
How long have
you been doing this?
Last three days.
At first I thought it
would help me fall asleep.
Didn't work, but for some
reason I just kept it up.
Have you been depressed?
At not being able to sleep.
Could it be a manifestation
of deeper pain?
I'll leave the
interpretations up to you.
Try this, then.
Maybe it's a way
of not having to look
at the choices you've made.
In furniture?
A home is a reflection
of how you live your life...
The colors, how you use it,
how you share it.
The colors are warm,
and to relax I sort
and clean bones.
I'm sort of an
amateur paleontologist.
I find it relaxes me.
Does that make me
death-obsessed or something?
I don't know.
I'm more interested
in what you left out.
I left something out?
Has anyone other than
you ever lived there?
Man I almost married.
What happened?
(sighs)
We didn't get married.
Was that a painful experience?
I have to say it was.
And now you live alone.
In the dark.
What about John?
He leaves the lights on.
Did you live together?
No.
Did you discuss it?
We didn't.
Did you consider it?
Here and there.
Would you have married him?
Possibly.
And had a family?
Thank God we didn't.
The idea of little
spooksters running around
mumbling into their
sneaker phones.
Do you want children?
Sure.
And now the idea
seems less possible.
Colonel?
Let's go there.
No. You're going to
need to at some point.
Well, I've been very
successful at avoiding it,
thank you very much.
Now, if only you could sleep.
Better to talk about it in a
place where you can feel safe.
Well, that isn't here.
Where, then?
(sighs)
This isn't easy.
I understand.
Recently I had surgery
to find out why I
was having back pain.
WOMAN: Any pain at all?
It's gone.
That's great news.
Does this... does this improve
my chances of conceiving?
Not likely.
No, maybe I didn't make
myself clear last time.
No, no, you did.
It's just that I thought
maybe the, um,
the pain might
be related to, uh...
Your endometriosis
is advanced, Colonel.
I did what I could,
but your fallopian
tubes, ovaries and uterus
were all compromised.
But if you were able
to remove the lesions
in my lower intestine...
It's a simpler procedure.
(sighs)
You talked about
some kind of medication.
I really think we've
explored the options
with regards to fertility.
Conception is not possible?
Your chances are small.
How small?
Less than five percent.
I'm sorry, Colonel.
Is your doctor's
office in this complex?
Give yourself a point.
Did you just come
here from her office?
Two points.
Why didn't you ask her
for sleep medication?
I was about to, but she got
called into emergency surgery.
So you came to me.
You know, you could
be our big jackpot winner.
Do you consider
this behavior clever
or can you just
not help yourself?
What do you want to know?
(sighs)
Have you given up on
the idea of conceiving?
You think?
Do you resent me
for having a child?
I hope not.
Well...
Maybe if you tried to
focus on the positive.
Yeah, approximately the odds
of being struck by lightning.
But a chance nonetheless.
Physicians don't like
absolutes, Commander.
It embarrasses them
when they're wrong,
and to be perfectly
cynical about it,
it hikes the damage amount
on their malpractice suits.
Bottom line, I'm infertile.
And how do you feel about that?
I'm considering a cat.
(sighs)
(phone ringing)
Hello.
MAN: Hello, is this Harmon Rabb?
This is he.
Sir, MacKenzie's been
injured in an accident.
(siren wailing)
Bear with me. Hold on.
I understand your
reaction, Colonel.
Do you?
You've been betrayed
by someone you trusted.
You've discovered
you can't conceive.
Traumatic stuff,
paralyzing even.
I'm not paralyzed.
You characterize it, then.
Stuff is coming up.
What stuff?
The past, things I've
done, haven't done.
Are you regretful?
(sighs)
To an extent.
What do you regret?
Waiting too long.
To have a child?
With the right guy.
Would that have been
your first husband?
No. God, no.
Dalton?
No.
Your fiancé?
None of them.
So, the right guy didn't appear.
Maybe I wasn't really looking.
Do you tend to be
attracted to the wrong man?
My history
certainly bears it out.
Did someone tell you that?
Harm is a big
proponent of this theory.
I'm getting familiar
with that name.
It's hard to have a
conversation about my life
without talking about him.
Are the two of you involved?
In ways you can't imagine.
Try me.
We've been dancing
around a relationship
for eight years.
Is he the guy you've
been waiting for?
(chuckles)
I wish I had a
dollar for every time
I've asked myself that question.
What's been keeping you apart?
Me.
Him.
Did you ever consider
having a child with Harm?
We made a deal
that if, in five years,
neither of us had children...
we'd make it happen.
A backup plan.
That was the idea.
I wonder if, by
hedging your bets,
you weren't, in some way,
expecting things
not to work out.
That's too subconscious for me.
Then look at it this way.
Because of your age,
five years increased the odds
against your getting pregnant.
Why pick that number?
Harm picked it.
But you chose not to revise it.
Couldn't you have made it
two years, even one?
Five seemed right.
Your doctor told you that women
who conceive early forestall
the onset of endometriosis.
Do you have a purpose in
trying to make me feel guilty?
I'm just encouraged
you're feeling something.
Did you tell Harm?
I had to.
The five years were up.
I'm so sorry, Mac.
How are you handling it?
With difficulty.
Well, you did a hell
of a job of burying it.
It's the admiral's night.
Any thoughts?
Timing.
I've probably been
this way for a while.
You know, if you
think about it...
it doesn't change things.
What do you mean?
There are other ways.
You...
You're talking about adoption?
In vitro fertilization,
surrogacy,
donor eggs...
It doesn't matter to
you how it happens?
It matters that it happens
between the two of us.
I'm tired of looking
in on your life, Mac.
I want to be a part of it.
I can't do it.
McCOOL: You turned him down?
He brought it up
less than 12 hours
after learning of John's death.
Maybe it was his way
of helping you get past it.
My point.
The moment suddenly
became about the two of us.
Because I needed him,
I became vulnerable
to his need for me.
You felt he was
trying to possess you?
He'd been insinuating
that John wasn't
the answer for me.
Which turned out to be true.
He seemed to have an agenda.
Harm is the court-appointed
guardian of a teenage girl
who had been moving
towards a reconciliation
with her father,
and I thought that he
was anticipating losing her.
So you felt offended
because he was needy.
More the impulse that he had
towards filling his
own void so quickly.
See, that, I think,
is what has always bothered
me about our relationship...
How self-absorbed it makes us.
So, you didn't trust
your history with him,
yet you brought him
into your confidence.
He's my closest friend.
What were your expectations?
I just wanted him to be there
for me in an appropriate way.
I wasn't looking
for a replacement.
Under the circumstances,
was that realistic?
Probably not.
Sounds like your
thinking was confused.
I wasn't thinking.
I was reacting.
Has that served you in the past?
No.
Then why didn't
you allow yourself
the time to consider it?
Harm asked me almost
the exact same thing.
Having a child with you is
not going to solve anything.
It'll push us forward.
I don't want to be
pushed anywhere.
I have a lot to deal
with; so do you.
Mattie is not an issue, Mac.
It's that simple... You
can just move on?
No, it's not simple,
but I can move on.
She's talking to her dad now.
They-They're sharing things.
I, more than anyone, should
be able to understand it.
So I'm okay.
Even though someone
you know just died?
Yeah.
Is that why you've shown
no sadness or regret
or anything?
I've been concentrating
on what you were feeling.
I'm not taking
this lightly, Mac.
I know Clay and I
had our differences,
and I also know
whenever I needed
him, he was there for me.
I know he was my friend,
and I'm going to miss him.
I'm going to miss
the way you looked
when you talked about him.
He made you feel good,
and, uh, up until now,
it's more than I've
been able to do.
Mac, look, no pressure.
Let's just see.
All right, let me look
into the possibility.
Did he?
Yes.
And what came of that?
Nothing. I wasn't ready.
And how did he respond?
He gave me space.
Is that what you wanted?
Not exactly.
I wanted him to make
my pain go away.
And you made him
go away instead.
(sighing)
You can't always
get what you want.
When you were in crisis
in your other relationships,
who did you go to?
Do I really need to say it?
Every time?
Mm-hmm.
(sighs)
Do you believe he'll
ever abandon you?
No.
Then, regardless of
your choices, isn't Harm
the one you've always
intended to be with?
Then why aren't I?
Perhaps you're biding your time.
No.
I ran out of time.
Do you always expect
the worst from life, Colonel?
I'm not answering that question.
Why?
Because I'm feeling manipulated.
This is what I hate
about therapists.
Why does everyone who's
ever talked to a therapist
have to have some
overarching, lifelong dysfunction?
They don't.
Yeah, but that's the
way it always plays out.
How much therapy have you had?
Hardly any,
but I've talked to those
who have had a lot,
and they think that they're
products of their pasts,
which makes them assume
that they don't have to
take any responsibility
or have any free will
for their own problems.
"So I'm so sorry I screwed up,
but my dad was a drunk."
Was your dad a drunk?
I was giving you an
example of what I meant.
It doesn't make the
question irrelevant.
This is what I mean.
It is too easy to fit the pieces
where you want them to go.
Did your father have a
problem with alcohol?
Yes.
And are you using
it as an excuse?
No.
Then how am I manipulating you?
You have no intention
of writing me that
prescription, do you?
No, Colonel.
I would have if you hadn't
revealed your alcoholism.
I won't, as a rule,
prescribe medication
to those with a history
of substance abuse.
On the other hand,
I don't believe you have
any intention of leaving here
until you've talked things out.
So, who's manipulating whom?
I don't know,
but it doesn't matter
because I am leaving.
Thanks.
One last question.
Why do you
always choose
to be alone?
(sniffing)
(sobbing)
Can you tell me what
you were feeling?
More than I intended.
That, Colonel, is grief.
MacKENZIE: I just realized
what a beautiful day it is...
was.
Welcome to the moment.
Yeah, I've been preoccupied.
For good reason.
Did I make you miss
your daughter's thing?
My husband's taping it.
Was it a party or something?
Piano recital.
I'm sorry.
Don't apologize.
Just stop resisting.
I want to be able to help you,
as I would any patient.
Mm, I'm back to being
a patient now, am I?
(sighs)
You're the one
who chose to return.
I must need you.
You just need to
know how you feel.
I'm getting clearer.
For example?
I've always wanted
to carry a child.
Raising one is not enough.
Why?
There's an attorney I work with.
His, uh, wife used
to run the office.
They have two children,
and she's pregnant with twins.
She just left JAG to
become a full-time mom,
and I thought she
was having misgivings
about putting off her career.
So I visited her, and
I asked her about it.
(sighs)
She admitted that she
missed her job, but...
(sighs)
it couldn't hold a
candle to having a child.
She said that being
pregnant was...
(sighs)
was a spiritual
experience for her,
like collaborating with God.
And then,
she showed me a picture
of her latest ultrasound.
I had never seen one before.
The fetuses were
positioned in a way
that looked like
they were praying.
It took my breath away.
I've never created anything.
And now that option is gone.
Theoretically.
You must play the lottery.
I don't, actually,
but I think those who do,
in a small way,
are rejecting the
notion of limitations.
You want to create something?
Create opportunities.
Or at least embrace
those available to you.
Harm.
You've got a
history to overcome.
Hmm.
But two of his
suggestions, if they worked,
could result in pregnancy.
It's too late.
Not yet.
I haven't told you everything.
Hey. I was gonna say
I was in the neighborhood
and thought I'd stop by,
but, um, there's nothing
in your neighborhood.
You want to talk?
That would be good.
Can it wait until the morning?
You busy?
Well, w-we were
about to sit down.
(bell dings)
Oh, I thought Mattie
was with her dad.
She is.
Hey, Colonel.
I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to butt in,
but the timer just went off.
Oh, uh, hang on one second.
Why don't you come in?
No, no, um, you
guys enjoy your meal.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I was just in
the neighborhood, so...
Okay.
Um,
tell him I'll call him later.
McCOOL: Did you call him?
MacKENZIE: No.
Why not?
He was making dinner
for another woman.
He didn't want to talk to me.
Well, that's an
assumption, isn't it?
(chuckles)
He could have been heating
up a pizza for all you know.
He could have said that
he would talk to me later,
but what he said was
he'd call me the next day.
Did he?
I don't know.
I left early.
You have no direct evidence
that he slept with this woman.
No.
So, why go down that road?
There are no stop signs.
Stop, Colonel.
When did this happen?
Last night.
What did you want
to talk to him about?
Why I couldn't sleep.
Thought he might
have some answers.
Are you angry with him?
No.
He has every right
to give up on me.
This is the second time
I knocked on his door
after waiting too long.
What if he still does want you?
He doesn't.
He's moved on.
In ways, actually, I admire.
Such as?
His relationship with
Mattie has helped him grow.
It's hard to admit,
but in some ways,
I think he's passed me.
So catch up.
I'm not sure I
know where to start.
Why do you believe
John deceived you?
Was it because he
didn't care about you?
I assume so.
Was that true?
When I think about it,
it's hard to imagine.
So maybe the answer
is more complicated.
(sighs)
If I could look
at the big picture,
there were probably
lives at stake.
U.S. servicemen.
Maybe John sacrificed
your relationship
for what he considered
to be the greater good.
But he could have
made me part of it.
He didn't have to leave me out.
Maybe he didn't feel
safe enough to include you
in the first place.
Ah, you're saying
he didn't trust me?
Maybe not enough.
He's a spook.
He doesn't trust anyone.
He trusted his mother.
But he still betrayed me.
No doubt.
But if I could have that
conversation ever again,
I would probably ask
different questions.
Maybe you can.
Oh, he's gone.
I will never see him again.
Well, you'll
definitely see Harm.
I'm not looking forward to that.
Why not? I thought you
wanted to bring him closer.
It's too late.
Really?
Well, what are your chances?
Put a number on it.
About the same as my
chances of getting pregnant.
Less than five percent.
Well, that's not zero.
(chuckles)
Well, 96% of me says it is.
All right,
think of me as
your loan officer.
I am offering you a
four percent return
on your personal investments,
a satisfying conclusion
to your former relationship,
a bright outlook
on a future one,
a shot at having a family.
It's better than a T-bill.
Throw in the
toaster, and I'm in.
(laughs)
I have to go.
So do I.
Do you need a ride somewhere?
Uh, no. I have my car,
but thank you.
I hope your daughter
understands.
I'll make it up to her.
Think you'll sleep tonight?
I don't know.
Stay positive.
Why not?
Maybe I'll leave the lights on.
(instrumental
Christmas music plays)
(indistinct chatter, woman
speaking on intercom)
WOMAN (on intercom):
Inhalation therapist, call 1614...
(heavy breathing)
Hey.
What happened?
I, um...
I wasn't paying attention,
and I took a curve too fast.
I'm sorry, Mac.
How did you know?
Well, you were, uh...
You were repeating my name.
One of the paramedics called.
He, uh... he looked in
your PDA, got my number.
You're up. Good.
Hello.
Are you related to our patient?
A friend.
Ah.
Well, she is very fortunate.
No broken bones
or internal injuries,
and the airbag
bruise on your face
should fade in
three to five days.
But my car was totaled.
I shouldn't have even survived.
Merry Christmas.
That's great.
It's amazing.
I'm gonna stay here tonight.
Did you go to the wall yet?
I'll go to the wall next year.
("Come All Ye Faithful" playing)
I've been pushing you away.
Yeah, you have.
(sighs)
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
You had to, uh,
figure some things out.
I understand.
Look...
Mac...
Nothing's changed,
I'm still here.
Let's just enjoy the good news.
Be happy.
You're alive.
You know what
makes the news better?
We both are.
To all our friends and family
and loved ones back home,
we just all want to
get together and say...
ALL: Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Ooh-rah!
♪ Joyful and triumph... ♪
(changes channel)
(instrumental version of
"Come All Ye Faithful" playing)
MAN: holiday
blues, and it results
from things like
stress, fatigue,
over-commercialization,
inability to be with
family and friends,
unrealistic expectations...
In other words,
you have no idea.
WOMAN: But what can I do?
MAN: Well, keep your
expectations manageable,
but most important, you need
to trust in the way things work.
Embrace the lessons
of every challenge,
and expect good from
everything that seems bad.
WOMAN: Thank you,
Doctor. Don't buy it.
It's bogus.
MAN: Enjoy your Christmas.
Give me a break.
♪ Oh, come, let us... ♪
(tires screeching)
(crashing)
(sirens blaring)
MAN: Okay.
(garbled radio transmission)
How are you feeling, ma'am?
(groans)
Now, you've been in an accident.
We're here to help.
I'm going to get you
to the hospital, okay?
(whispering): What did you say?
(his voice and McCool's):
You're going to be all right, ma'am.
You can trust us...
McCOOL: But most important,
trust in the way things work.
Embrace the lessons
of every challenge
and... expect good from
everything that seems bad.
What?
MAN: It's okay,
ma'am, it's okay.
You're going to be all right.
(knocking)
Yes?
Colonel.
I was in the building, um...
Things okay?
I haven't killed anyone.
That's encouraging.
Look, do you... you get
samples of medication,
sleeping pills,
that sort of thing?
I don't have any on hand,
if that's what you're asking.
Are you in the habit
of taking sleep aids?
No, just the opposite.
It's part of the problem.
I... I've had insomnia
for four days.
I thought I'd get past it.
I-I've tried everything:
supplements,
allergy medication;
nothing's worked.
I just need something
to get me over the hump.
Something disturbing you?
My body is just out of whack.
I'd call that disturbing.
Things have happened.
Since your hostage crisis?
You're calling that a crisis?
(sighs)
Uh, wasn't that the
reason that we met?
I was under orders.
So...
can you write me a prescription?
Not without a more
substantive conversation.
Therapy. Hmm.
I just need to get a sense
of your state of mind.
Now, were-weren't you
just... getting ready to leave?
I could talk a bit.
It's stuff at the
office, mostly.
Um, there's been
tension with a colleague.
TURNER: You and I
need to clear the air.
I'm not sure you
don't still resent me
for withholding news
about your boyfriend.
You've made your argument.
The information was classified.
And you accept that?
On a professional level.
Anyway, it's old news.
I tracked him down.
You serious?
What do you know?
You're not going to tell me.
Classified.
I'm already in the loop.
Hmm. The loop turned
into a figure eight.
What does that mean?
Sorry.
I want you to respect
me in the morning.
(door slams shut)
Can you discuss it with me?
To a point.
You were looking
for your boyfriend...
A CIA officer by trade.
Call him John, for the
sake of this discussion.
Commander Turner's questions
actually prompted
my curiosity about him,
which encouraged
me to track him down.
That led me to
Hawaii on a mission
to bring back his body,
which actually turned out to
be... I'm sorry? John was dead?
Alive and kicking,
as it turned out.
I have the bruises to prove it.
You'll need to explain.
He faked his own death,
pretended to be one of
three who drowned at sea.
He deceived you.
It was actually one
deception in two parts.
A bargain at any price.
I'm surprised you think
your sleeplessness
has to do with office tension.
It doesn't.
I just don't want
to get into it.
Could I ask you to sit down?
Did you love this man?
I was working on it.
Until he betrayed you.
It's a hell of a thing.
And you ended it?
The two of us had it out,
and then he went...
off to save the world
from people like himself.
Was the confrontation
unsatisfying?
He had no sense of what
he had put me through.
He said he was sorry, but, um...
it was... clearly business.
What did you want
from the encounter?
His actual death would
have been appropriate.
Do you have fantasies
about killing John?
(sighs)
No...
No.
His mother, maybe.
(thunder rumbling)
I.D., ma'am?
Where is he?
With the others, ma'am,
in the adjoining room.
I'd like to see him.
Sorry, Colonel.
He needs to be ID'd, Chief.
WOMAN: Already done, dear.
Are you Sarah?
Yes.
I'm Mrs. Porter Webb.
Thank you.
Um, no chairs?
We're not set up
for this, ma'am.
Well, I'm glad you're here.
You had quite an
effect on my son.
He loved you, my dear.
Take it to heart.
That said...
let him go.
It won't serve any
of us to dwell on this.
MacKENZIE: Should've
picked up on the cues.
His mother was part of the ruse.
When I asked the
deputy director of the CIA
to let me accompany
John's body back,
he sent her down ahead of me.
Once next of kin
makes the identification,
the remains are off limits.
You didn't speak to her
before you left for Hawaii?
We had never met.
Why weren't you more suspicious?
Doesn't viewing generally
occur on the mainland?
She had special clearances,
was a former
agency code breaker.
His father was also an insider.
Well, that must have
concerned you on some level.
I didn't use standard logic
because of my close
relationship with John.
I expected fair play.
You said the deception
was in two parts.
Prior to the drowning incident,
he'd gone to great
lengths to make me think
he was in Germany when
he was actually in Indonesia.
And that didn't signal anything?
Why are you
doubting my instincts?
Because you already have.
I'm just following your lead.
For what purpose?
To help you
identify your feelings.
I already know what
I'm feeling... I'm pissed.
That it? Humiliated.
I would think so.
Hurt, I guess.
The idea that they could
take advantage of my grief.
You felt grief?
Well, what do you think?
I think... you should
answer the question.
(chuckles) You know what?
I'm not doing this anymore.
I feel worse now
than when I came in.
Well, that's unfortunate,
but I can't see
how I've done
anything to threaten you.
Well, we'll just make
it my problem, then.
(door slams shut)
(sighs)
I need that prescription.
(sirens blaring)
(mumbling)
Easy, easy, easy, easy.
What was that, ma'am?
(whispering inaudibly)
I hear you.
You want to know if I grieved?
Yes.
He wasn't dead.
And prior to your knowing that?
I cried.
Did it make you
feel better, worse?
I couldn't characterize it.
It was what it was.
Well, I think the
idea of grieving
is to express loss
in as complete
and honest a way as possible.
Does that describe
what you experienced?
What does it matter?
A great deal, if your
process was cut short.
I really can't say.
What about the loss
of your relationship...
Did you grieve that?
Yeah, I was so sad to
get rid of that bastard.
(sighs)
How long were you together?
About a year.
Do you have good
memories about that year?
Yeah, some.
Do they feel invalidated?
You bet.
You could grieve that...
The loss of those memories.
Why? They're meaningless now.
Is that the attitude you've
taken with the men in your life?
Well, two of them
were shot dead.
Not many Hallmark moments there.
We spoke of your husband.
Who else?
Dalton, a man I was seeing,
was shot by a cop
who was stalking me.
Did you say a cop?
My life is a tabloid.
Is that really how
you look at it?
It's hard not to.
(sighs)
The term is "diminishing."
Making light of, what
I would assume to be,
painful experiences.
Well, whatever gets
you through the day.
Ah, but we're talking
about the night, aren't we?
Yes.
Do you feel guilty
about what happened?
(sighs)
I'm an alcoholic.
I feel guilty about everything.
Do you still drink?
Not since Dalton.
That's an accomplishment.
John was drinking, around
the time of my hostage crisis.
Were you resentful?
Yes,
but he also wouldn't
let me get away
with any of my crap,
which helped me deal with it.
And there's a good memory.
But, as Harm likes
to point out, he's a liar,
and that card
trumps all the others.
Which one is Harm?
You know, one of the
people at the office.
And you discuss things with him?
Endlessly.
(phone ringing)
I'm sorry, I usually switch it
to voice mail before a session.
Excuse me.
(ringing continues)
Commander McCool.
MAN: Hey, baby, how are you?
Hi.
Um, not right away.
What time does it start, 7:30?
Tell her I'm proud of
her and I'll see her soon.
I got to go.
Love you, too.
You have a daughter.
Just turned 11.
Need to leave?
Eventually.
So, back to Harm.
I don't want to talk about Harm.
I would like to
ask you a question.
You have a family. I don't.
Different lives.
What makes you feel
qualified to judge me...
Your piece of paper on the wall?
That piece of paper
on my wall qualifies me
to listen, not to judge.
So, if there's anything more
you have to offer
about yourself,
I welcome that.
Otherwise, it might be a
good idea for you to leave.
I haven't been
turning the lights on
in my apartment at night.
After I come home from work I...
I leave them off.
How long have
you been doing this?
Last three days.
At first I thought it
would help me fall asleep.
Didn't work, but for some
reason I just kept it up.
Have you been depressed?
At not being able to sleep.
Could it be a manifestation
of deeper pain?
I'll leave the
interpretations up to you.
Try this, then.
Maybe it's a way
of not having to look
at the choices you've made.
In furniture?
A home is a reflection
of how you live your life...
The colors, how you use it,
how you share it.
The colors are warm,
and to relax I sort
and clean bones.
I'm sort of an
amateur paleontologist.
I find it relaxes me.
Does that make me
death-obsessed or something?
I don't know.
I'm more interested
in what you left out.
I left something out?
Has anyone other than
you ever lived there?
Man I almost married.
What happened?
(sighs)
We didn't get married.
Was that a painful experience?
I have to say it was.
And now you live alone.
In the dark.
What about John?
He leaves the lights on.
Did you live together?
No.
Did you discuss it?
We didn't.
Did you consider it?
Here and there.
Would you have married him?
Possibly.
And had a family?
Thank God we didn't.
The idea of little
spooksters running around
mumbling into their
sneaker phones.
Do you want children?
Sure.
And now the idea
seems less possible.
Colonel?
Let's go there.
No. You're going to
need to at some point.
Well, I've been very
successful at avoiding it,
thank you very much.
Now, if only you could sleep.
Better to talk about it in a
place where you can feel safe.
Well, that isn't here.
Where, then?
(sighs)
This isn't easy.
I understand.
Recently I had surgery
to find out why I
was having back pain.
WOMAN: Any pain at all?
It's gone.
That's great news.
Does this... does this improve
my chances of conceiving?
Not likely.
No, maybe I didn't make
myself clear last time.
No, no, you did.
It's just that I thought
maybe the, um,
the pain might
be related to, uh...
Your endometriosis
is advanced, Colonel.
I did what I could,
but your fallopian
tubes, ovaries and uterus
were all compromised.
But if you were able
to remove the lesions
in my lower intestine...
It's a simpler procedure.
(sighs)
You talked about
some kind of medication.
I really think we've
explored the options
with regards to fertility.
Conception is not possible?
Your chances are small.
How small?
Less than five percent.
I'm sorry, Colonel.
Is your doctor's
office in this complex?
Give yourself a point.
Did you just come
here from her office?
Two points.
Why didn't you ask her
for sleep medication?
I was about to, but she got
called into emergency surgery.
So you came to me.
You know, you could
be our big jackpot winner.
Do you consider
this behavior clever
or can you just
not help yourself?
What do you want to know?
(sighs)
Have you given up on
the idea of conceiving?
You think?
Do you resent me
for having a child?
I hope not.
Well...
Maybe if you tried to
focus on the positive.
Yeah, approximately the odds
of being struck by lightning.
But a chance nonetheless.
Physicians don't like
absolutes, Commander.
It embarrasses them
when they're wrong,
and to be perfectly
cynical about it,
it hikes the damage amount
on their malpractice suits.
Bottom line, I'm infertile.
And how do you feel about that?
I'm considering a cat.
(sighs)
(phone ringing)
Hello.
MAN: Hello, is this Harmon Rabb?
This is he.
Sir, MacKenzie's been
injured in an accident.
(siren wailing)
Bear with me. Hold on.
I understand your
reaction, Colonel.
Do you?
You've been betrayed
by someone you trusted.
You've discovered
you can't conceive.
Traumatic stuff,
paralyzing even.
I'm not paralyzed.
You characterize it, then.
Stuff is coming up.
What stuff?
The past, things I've
done, haven't done.
Are you regretful?
(sighs)
To an extent.
What do you regret?
Waiting too long.
To have a child?
With the right guy.
Would that have been
your first husband?
No. God, no.
Dalton?
No.
Your fiancé?
None of them.
So, the right guy didn't appear.
Maybe I wasn't really looking.
Do you tend to be
attracted to the wrong man?
My history
certainly bears it out.
Did someone tell you that?
Harm is a big
proponent of this theory.
I'm getting familiar
with that name.
It's hard to have a
conversation about my life
without talking about him.
Are the two of you involved?
In ways you can't imagine.
Try me.
We've been dancing
around a relationship
for eight years.
Is he the guy you've
been waiting for?
(chuckles)
I wish I had a
dollar for every time
I've asked myself that question.
What's been keeping you apart?
Me.
Him.
Did you ever consider
having a child with Harm?
We made a deal
that if, in five years,
neither of us had children...
we'd make it happen.
A backup plan.
That was the idea.
I wonder if, by
hedging your bets,
you weren't, in some way,
expecting things
not to work out.
That's too subconscious for me.
Then look at it this way.
Because of your age,
five years increased the odds
against your getting pregnant.
Why pick that number?
Harm picked it.
But you chose not to revise it.
Couldn't you have made it
two years, even one?
Five seemed right.
Your doctor told you that women
who conceive early forestall
the onset of endometriosis.
Do you have a purpose in
trying to make me feel guilty?
I'm just encouraged
you're feeling something.
Did you tell Harm?
I had to.
The five years were up.
I'm so sorry, Mac.
How are you handling it?
With difficulty.
Well, you did a hell
of a job of burying it.
It's the admiral's night.
Any thoughts?
Timing.
I've probably been
this way for a while.
You know, if you
think about it...
it doesn't change things.
What do you mean?
There are other ways.
You...
You're talking about adoption?
In vitro fertilization,
surrogacy,
donor eggs...
It doesn't matter to
you how it happens?
It matters that it happens
between the two of us.
I'm tired of looking
in on your life, Mac.
I want to be a part of it.
I can't do it.
McCOOL: You turned him down?
He brought it up
less than 12 hours
after learning of John's death.
Maybe it was his way
of helping you get past it.
My point.
The moment suddenly
became about the two of us.
Because I needed him,
I became vulnerable
to his need for me.
You felt he was
trying to possess you?
He'd been insinuating
that John wasn't
the answer for me.
Which turned out to be true.
He seemed to have an agenda.
Harm is the court-appointed
guardian of a teenage girl
who had been moving
towards a reconciliation
with her father,
and I thought that he
was anticipating losing her.
So you felt offended
because he was needy.
More the impulse that he had
towards filling his
own void so quickly.
See, that, I think,
is what has always bothered
me about our relationship...
How self-absorbed it makes us.
So, you didn't trust
your history with him,
yet you brought him
into your confidence.
He's my closest friend.
What were your expectations?
I just wanted him to be there
for me in an appropriate way.
I wasn't looking
for a replacement.
Under the circumstances,
was that realistic?
Probably not.
Sounds like your
thinking was confused.
I wasn't thinking.
I was reacting.
Has that served you in the past?
No.
Then why didn't
you allow yourself
the time to consider it?
Harm asked me almost
the exact same thing.
Having a child with you is
not going to solve anything.
It'll push us forward.
I don't want to be
pushed anywhere.
I have a lot to deal
with; so do you.
Mattie is not an issue, Mac.
It's that simple... You
can just move on?
No, it's not simple,
but I can move on.
She's talking to her dad now.
They-They're sharing things.
I, more than anyone, should
be able to understand it.
So I'm okay.
Even though someone
you know just died?
Yeah.
Is that why you've shown
no sadness or regret
or anything?
I've been concentrating
on what you were feeling.
I'm not taking
this lightly, Mac.
I know Clay and I
had our differences,
and I also know
whenever I needed
him, he was there for me.
I know he was my friend,
and I'm going to miss him.
I'm going to miss
the way you looked
when you talked about him.
He made you feel good,
and, uh, up until now,
it's more than I've
been able to do.
Mac, look, no pressure.
Let's just see.
All right, let me look
into the possibility.
Did he?
Yes.
And what came of that?
Nothing. I wasn't ready.
And how did he respond?
He gave me space.
Is that what you wanted?
Not exactly.
I wanted him to make
my pain go away.
And you made him
go away instead.
(sighing)
You can't always
get what you want.
When you were in crisis
in your other relationships,
who did you go to?
Do I really need to say it?
Every time?
Mm-hmm.
(sighs)
Do you believe he'll
ever abandon you?
No.
Then, regardless of
your choices, isn't Harm
the one you've always
intended to be with?
Then why aren't I?
Perhaps you're biding your time.
No.
I ran out of time.
Do you always expect
the worst from life, Colonel?
I'm not answering that question.
Why?
Because I'm feeling manipulated.
This is what I hate
about therapists.
Why does everyone who's
ever talked to a therapist
have to have some
overarching, lifelong dysfunction?
They don't.
Yeah, but that's the
way it always plays out.
How much therapy have you had?
Hardly any,
but I've talked to those
who have had a lot,
and they think that they're
products of their pasts,
which makes them assume
that they don't have to
take any responsibility
or have any free will
for their own problems.
"So I'm so sorry I screwed up,
but my dad was a drunk."
Was your dad a drunk?
I was giving you an
example of what I meant.
It doesn't make the
question irrelevant.
This is what I mean.
It is too easy to fit the pieces
where you want them to go.
Did your father have a
problem with alcohol?
Yes.
And are you using
it as an excuse?
No.
Then how am I manipulating you?
You have no intention
of writing me that
prescription, do you?
No, Colonel.
I would have if you hadn't
revealed your alcoholism.
I won't, as a rule,
prescribe medication
to those with a history
of substance abuse.
On the other hand,
I don't believe you have
any intention of leaving here
until you've talked things out.
So, who's manipulating whom?
I don't know,
but it doesn't matter
because I am leaving.
Thanks.
One last question.
Why do you
always choose
to be alone?
(sniffing)
(sobbing)
Can you tell me what
you were feeling?
More than I intended.
That, Colonel, is grief.
MacKENZIE: I just realized
what a beautiful day it is...
was.
Welcome to the moment.
Yeah, I've been preoccupied.
For good reason.
Did I make you miss
your daughter's thing?
My husband's taping it.
Was it a party or something?
Piano recital.
I'm sorry.
Don't apologize.
Just stop resisting.
I want to be able to help you,
as I would any patient.
Mm, I'm back to being
a patient now, am I?
(sighs)
You're the one
who chose to return.
I must need you.
You just need to
know how you feel.
I'm getting clearer.
For example?
I've always wanted
to carry a child.
Raising one is not enough.
Why?
There's an attorney I work with.
His, uh, wife used
to run the office.
They have two children,
and she's pregnant with twins.
She just left JAG to
become a full-time mom,
and I thought she
was having misgivings
about putting off her career.
So I visited her, and
I asked her about it.
(sighs)
She admitted that she
missed her job, but...
(sighs)
it couldn't hold a
candle to having a child.
She said that being
pregnant was...
(sighs)
was a spiritual
experience for her,
like collaborating with God.
And then,
she showed me a picture
of her latest ultrasound.
I had never seen one before.
The fetuses were
positioned in a way
that looked like
they were praying.
It took my breath away.
I've never created anything.
And now that option is gone.
Theoretically.
You must play the lottery.
I don't, actually,
but I think those who do,
in a small way,
are rejecting the
notion of limitations.
You want to create something?
Create opportunities.
Or at least embrace
those available to you.
Harm.
You've got a
history to overcome.
Hmm.
But two of his
suggestions, if they worked,
could result in pregnancy.
It's too late.
Not yet.
I haven't told you everything.
Hey. I was gonna say
I was in the neighborhood
and thought I'd stop by,
but, um, there's nothing
in your neighborhood.
You want to talk?
That would be good.
Can it wait until the morning?
You busy?
Well, w-we were
about to sit down.
(bell dings)
Oh, I thought Mattie
was with her dad.
She is.
Hey, Colonel.
I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to butt in,
but the timer just went off.
Oh, uh, hang on one second.
Why don't you come in?
No, no, um, you
guys enjoy your meal.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I was just in
the neighborhood, so...
Okay.
Um,
tell him I'll call him later.
McCOOL: Did you call him?
MacKENZIE: No.
Why not?
He was making dinner
for another woman.
He didn't want to talk to me.
Well, that's an
assumption, isn't it?
(chuckles)
He could have been heating
up a pizza for all you know.
He could have said that
he would talk to me later,
but what he said was
he'd call me the next day.
Did he?
I don't know.
I left early.
You have no direct evidence
that he slept with this woman.
No.
So, why go down that road?
There are no stop signs.
Stop, Colonel.
When did this happen?
Last night.
What did you want
to talk to him about?
Why I couldn't sleep.
Thought he might
have some answers.
Are you angry with him?
No.
He has every right
to give up on me.
This is the second time
I knocked on his door
after waiting too long.
What if he still does want you?
He doesn't.
He's moved on.
In ways, actually, I admire.
Such as?
His relationship with
Mattie has helped him grow.
It's hard to admit,
but in some ways,
I think he's passed me.
So catch up.
I'm not sure I
know where to start.
Why do you believe
John deceived you?
Was it because he
didn't care about you?
I assume so.
Was that true?
When I think about it,
it's hard to imagine.
So maybe the answer
is more complicated.
(sighs)
If I could look
at the big picture,
there were probably
lives at stake.
U.S. servicemen.
Maybe John sacrificed
your relationship
for what he considered
to be the greater good.
But he could have
made me part of it.
He didn't have to leave me out.
Maybe he didn't feel
safe enough to include you
in the first place.
Ah, you're saying
he didn't trust me?
Maybe not enough.
He's a spook.
He doesn't trust anyone.
He trusted his mother.
But he still betrayed me.
No doubt.
But if I could have that
conversation ever again,
I would probably ask
different questions.
Maybe you can.
Oh, he's gone.
I will never see him again.
Well, you'll
definitely see Harm.
I'm not looking forward to that.
Why not? I thought you
wanted to bring him closer.
It's too late.
Really?
Well, what are your chances?
Put a number on it.
About the same as my
chances of getting pregnant.
Less than five percent.
Well, that's not zero.
(chuckles)
Well, 96% of me says it is.
All right,
think of me as
your loan officer.
I am offering you a
four percent return
on your personal investments,
a satisfying conclusion
to your former relationship,
a bright outlook
on a future one,
a shot at having a family.
It's better than a T-bill.
Throw in the
toaster, and I'm in.
(laughs)
I have to go.
So do I.
Do you need a ride somewhere?
Uh, no. I have my car,
but thank you.
I hope your daughter
understands.
I'll make it up to her.
Think you'll sleep tonight?
I don't know.
Stay positive.
Why not?
Maybe I'll leave the lights on.
(instrumental
Christmas music plays)
(indistinct chatter, woman
speaking on intercom)
WOMAN (on intercom):
Inhalation therapist, call 1614...
(heavy breathing)
Hey.
What happened?
I, um...
I wasn't paying attention,
and I took a curve too fast.
I'm sorry, Mac.
How did you know?
Well, you were, uh...
You were repeating my name.
One of the paramedics called.
He, uh... he looked in
your PDA, got my number.
You're up. Good.
Hello.
Are you related to our patient?
A friend.
Ah.
Well, she is very fortunate.
No broken bones
or internal injuries,
and the airbag
bruise on your face
should fade in
three to five days.
But my car was totaled.
I shouldn't have even survived.
Merry Christmas.
That's great.
It's amazing.
I'm gonna stay here tonight.
Did you go to the wall yet?
I'll go to the wall next year.
("Come All Ye Faithful" playing)
I've been pushing you away.
Yeah, you have.
(sighs)
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
You had to, uh,
figure some things out.
I understand.
Look...
Mac...
Nothing's changed,
I'm still here.
Let's just enjoy the good news.
Be happy.
You're alive.
You know what
makes the news better?
We both are.
To all our friends and family
and loved ones back home,
we just all want to
get together and say...
ALL: Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Ooh-rah!