It's Bruno! (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Operation Turkey Meat - full transcript
When Malcolm runs out of the fancy turkey he feeds Bruno, his quick trip to the bodega turns into a series of increasingly hostile encounters.
["Best Friend" playing]
♪ Getting at the highway ♪
♪ Looking for another way ♪
♪ To break away from mine every day ♪
♪ 'Cause I know that you face it
you're mine ♪
♪ You say thoughts
that reflect from my mind ♪
♪ We get lost recollecting your touch ♪
♪ You're my best friend ♪
♪ You're my best friend ♪
♪ Maybe look the side way ♪
♪ Looking for a straighter way ♪
♪ To take away my lonely day ♪
♪ 'Cause I know that you face it
you're mine ♪
♪ You say thoughts
that connect to my mind ♪
♪ We get lost with reflecting your touch ♪
♪ You're my best friend ♪
♪ Bruno! ♪
♪ Bruno! Bruno! ♪
♪ Yep! Yes, Bruno ♪
Down.
Good boy.
Cute dog.
You have a nice dog as well.
Angie.
Sit.
Good girl, Angie.
Bruno.
Sit.
Good boy, Bruno.
Angie.
Down.
Good girl, Angie.
Bruno.
Down.
Bruno.
Down.
Bruno, down. All the way down. No, down.
Have a nice day, sir.
Bruno.
You've gotta go down
when I tell you go down, buddy.
Huh, this ain't over.
[woman] Oh!
Look at the puppy. You see it?
Hello.
Hey, sweetheart.
Hello, sweetheart.
Hey, hey, hey!
Don't touch my dog.
What's wrong with you?
I'm just petting your dog.
Oh, hi. Hi.
Excuse me!
She's a human being.
Yeah, did you like that?
No, I didn't.
I don't like you petting my dog either,
and this is a human being as well.
Come on, Bruno.
[sighs]
[man] Charlie! [kisses]
Stop with the Charlie shit.
His name's Bruno. It's Bruno.
His name's Charlie
like his daddy named after me.
His daddy?
I'm his daddy, and his name is Bruno.
Everybody on the block
knows his name is Charlie.
I named him.
-You named my dog?
-Come on!
Every time I say Charlie... [kisses]
...he responds to me.
He even looks like a Charlie.
Stop calling my fucking dog Charlie,
all right?
It's Bruno.
You understand? It's Bruno.
I love him.
That's good.
I love him.
-It's Bruno.
-Charlie.
All right. I'll see you later, Charlie.
My little Charlie Junior. [kisses]
Beautiful dog.
♪ Five ♪
♪ Dollar Friday ♪
♪ Five dollar Friday ♪
♪ Today's Five Dollar ♪
♪ What's today? ♪
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Watch the damn cart.
Don't kick the motherfucking merchandise.
You almost hit Bruno with that thing.
Well, Malcolm, maybe Bruno shouldn't take
up so much space on the goddamn sidewalk.
I got a business to run here.
A business? You call this a business?
You're selling stolen shit
out of a stolen shopping cart.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's all the accusations?
I have you know
Carl's cart is a certified vendor
with a city-approved permit.
Oh, okay. Let's see the permit.
I don't feel like going through
the paperwork right now.
There's no city that's giving Crackhead
Carl a permit to sell stolen shit.
I would prefer you just call me Carl.
The shit that I smoke does not
need to be put in front of my name.
What if I called your dog
ball-licking Bruno?
Now, is there anything that you like?
Because today is five dollar Friday.
Everything five dollars off.
Five dollars off a steak.
Five dollars off a plunger.
-Five dollars off a laptop.
-I'd like... for you to get Carl's cart
off the fucking sidewalk
when you see Bruno.
Fuck you, Malcolm!
♪ Passing up on all these ♪
♪ Gifts ♪
What's good, Leslie?
Don't ask me shit
you don't want the answer to.
Yeah, nice to see you, too.
Um...
Where's the turkey meat?
No one bought that fancy stuff but you,
so it wasn't worth having.
That's what Bruno eats.
I bought enough
to pay the light bill here.
No, you didn't.
The light bill is more.
Go to the supermarket like everyone else.
You know they don't let dogs in there.
This is Bruno's spot.
This is not Bruno's spot.
This is my spot.
You want a small bag of chips?
A Snapple? A loosie? A Phillies?
Some lotto numbers?
You come here to my bodega.
You want some fancy-ass meat,
fresh produce, broccoli,
whatever the hell you eat?
You go to the supermarket.
Whatever.
♪ Carl's cart... ♪
We're not a supermarket!
What the fuck?
["Una Voce Poco Fa" playing]
[singing in Italian]
Come on. You know the rules.
-No dogs allowed.
-Come on. Let my dog in your supermarket.
You know my dog.
He's not gonna do anything.
Okay, so if you tell it to sit and stay,
it'll listen?
Yeah. Bruno, sit.
You see? He sits.
Stay?
Yeah, he'll stay.
Good, then he could sit
and stay his ass out there.
Have a good day.
Come on, Bruno.
All right, Bruno. Come on.
I want you to stay here. Okay, buddy?
I want you to stay here. All right?
You're gonna be a good boy.
I'll be right back. Stay, okay?
I love you.
I love you. Stay.
Oh, hey.
I guess we like the same kind of meat.
[chuckles]
This ain't your bedroom, you know?
We're in the supermarket. Come on.
Oh, hell no!
Hey!
Hey!
You son of a bitch!
Hey! What are you doing?
You stealing my dog?
No, this is my dog.
What are you talking about?
This is my dog.
No, this is my dog.
Are you nuts? You just took him from me.
It's my dog.
No, it's my dog.
[Spanish pop music playing]
What are you doing, kid?
What are you doing?
-Who raised you?
-[man] I raised him.
Is there a problem here?
Why's he dancing?
When there's music, he dances.
You raised him?
Yeah. That's my boy.
[cracking]
No, there's no problem here.
Come on, Bruno. Let's go.
Better not be.
Okay, break it down.
Do that thing. [laughs]
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I like.
Hey, Charlie!
-[man 2] What up, little Charlie?
-Everybody on the block
knows his name is Charlie.
[man 2]
Learn your fucking dog's name, man.
What the fuck you doing?
-Keep pushing.
-That's right. Keep it moving.
[car horns honking]
[sighs]
Bruno.
You've got to go down
when I tell you go down, please.
You can't embarrass us.
[sighs]
Bruno.
Please.
Down.
Charlie?
Down?
[Malcolm]
You wanna change my dog's name, huh?
You wanna mess with my life?
Oh, this ain't over.
["Speak to the Wind" playing]
What's up?
Oh, you again, huh?
That's right.
Bruno.
Sit.
Angie.
Sit.
Bruno.
Down.
Angie.
Down.
Bruno.
Roll over.
Angie.
Roll over.
Roll over.
Roll over, Angie.
You have a nice day now.
Angie, roll over!
Roll over, Angie!
[distorted] Charlie!
Oh, shit!
♪ Getting at the highway ♪
♪ Looking for another way ♪
♪ To break away from mine every day ♪
♪ 'Cause I know that you face it
you're mine ♪
♪ You say thoughts
that reflect from my mind ♪
♪ We get lost recollecting your touch ♪
♪ You're my best friend ♪
♪ You're my best friend ♪
♪ Maybe look the side way ♪
♪ Looking for a straighter way ♪
♪ To take away my lonely day ♪
♪ 'Cause I know that you face it
you're mine ♪
♪ You say thoughts
that connect to my mind ♪
♪ We get lost with reflecting your touch ♪
♪ You're my best friend ♪
♪ Bruno! ♪
♪ Bruno! Bruno! ♪
♪ Yep! Yes, Bruno ♪
Down.
Good boy.
Cute dog.
You have a nice dog as well.
Angie.
Sit.
Good girl, Angie.
Bruno.
Sit.
Good boy, Bruno.
Angie.
Down.
Good girl, Angie.
Bruno.
Down.
Bruno.
Down.
Bruno, down. All the way down. No, down.
Have a nice day, sir.
Bruno.
You've gotta go down
when I tell you go down, buddy.
Huh, this ain't over.
[woman] Oh!
Look at the puppy. You see it?
Hello.
Hey, sweetheart.
Hello, sweetheart.
Hey, hey, hey!
Don't touch my dog.
What's wrong with you?
I'm just petting your dog.
Oh, hi. Hi.
Excuse me!
She's a human being.
Yeah, did you like that?
No, I didn't.
I don't like you petting my dog either,
and this is a human being as well.
Come on, Bruno.
[sighs]
[man] Charlie! [kisses]
Stop with the Charlie shit.
His name's Bruno. It's Bruno.
His name's Charlie
like his daddy named after me.
His daddy?
I'm his daddy, and his name is Bruno.
Everybody on the block
knows his name is Charlie.
I named him.
-You named my dog?
-Come on!
Every time I say Charlie... [kisses]
...he responds to me.
He even looks like a Charlie.
Stop calling my fucking dog Charlie,
all right?
It's Bruno.
You understand? It's Bruno.
I love him.
That's good.
I love him.
-It's Bruno.
-Charlie.
All right. I'll see you later, Charlie.
My little Charlie Junior. [kisses]
Beautiful dog.
♪ Five ♪
♪ Dollar Friday ♪
♪ Five dollar Friday ♪
♪ Today's Five Dollar ♪
♪ What's today? ♪
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Watch the damn cart.
Don't kick the motherfucking merchandise.
You almost hit Bruno with that thing.
Well, Malcolm, maybe Bruno shouldn't take
up so much space on the goddamn sidewalk.
I got a business to run here.
A business? You call this a business?
You're selling stolen shit
out of a stolen shopping cart.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's all the accusations?
I have you know
Carl's cart is a certified vendor
with a city-approved permit.
Oh, okay. Let's see the permit.
I don't feel like going through
the paperwork right now.
There's no city that's giving Crackhead
Carl a permit to sell stolen shit.
I would prefer you just call me Carl.
The shit that I smoke does not
need to be put in front of my name.
What if I called your dog
ball-licking Bruno?
Now, is there anything that you like?
Because today is five dollar Friday.
Everything five dollars off.
Five dollars off a steak.
Five dollars off a plunger.
-Five dollars off a laptop.
-I'd like... for you to get Carl's cart
off the fucking sidewalk
when you see Bruno.
Fuck you, Malcolm!
♪ Passing up on all these ♪
♪ Gifts ♪
What's good, Leslie?
Don't ask me shit
you don't want the answer to.
Yeah, nice to see you, too.
Um...
Where's the turkey meat?
No one bought that fancy stuff but you,
so it wasn't worth having.
That's what Bruno eats.
I bought enough
to pay the light bill here.
No, you didn't.
The light bill is more.
Go to the supermarket like everyone else.
You know they don't let dogs in there.
This is Bruno's spot.
This is not Bruno's spot.
This is my spot.
You want a small bag of chips?
A Snapple? A loosie? A Phillies?
Some lotto numbers?
You come here to my bodega.
You want some fancy-ass meat,
fresh produce, broccoli,
whatever the hell you eat?
You go to the supermarket.
Whatever.
♪ Carl's cart... ♪
We're not a supermarket!
What the fuck?
["Una Voce Poco Fa" playing]
[singing in Italian]
Come on. You know the rules.
-No dogs allowed.
-Come on. Let my dog in your supermarket.
You know my dog.
He's not gonna do anything.
Okay, so if you tell it to sit and stay,
it'll listen?
Yeah. Bruno, sit.
You see? He sits.
Stay?
Yeah, he'll stay.
Good, then he could sit
and stay his ass out there.
Have a good day.
Come on, Bruno.
All right, Bruno. Come on.
I want you to stay here. Okay, buddy?
I want you to stay here. All right?
You're gonna be a good boy.
I'll be right back. Stay, okay?
I love you.
I love you. Stay.
Oh, hey.
I guess we like the same kind of meat.
[chuckles]
This ain't your bedroom, you know?
We're in the supermarket. Come on.
Oh, hell no!
Hey!
Hey!
You son of a bitch!
Hey! What are you doing?
You stealing my dog?
No, this is my dog.
What are you talking about?
This is my dog.
No, this is my dog.
Are you nuts? You just took him from me.
It's my dog.
No, it's my dog.
[Spanish pop music playing]
What are you doing, kid?
What are you doing?
-Who raised you?
-[man] I raised him.
Is there a problem here?
Why's he dancing?
When there's music, he dances.
You raised him?
Yeah. That's my boy.
[cracking]
No, there's no problem here.
Come on, Bruno. Let's go.
Better not be.
Okay, break it down.
Do that thing. [laughs]
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I like.
Hey, Charlie!
-[man 2] What up, little Charlie?
-Everybody on the block
knows his name is Charlie.
[man 2]
Learn your fucking dog's name, man.
What the fuck you doing?
-Keep pushing.
-That's right. Keep it moving.
[car horns honking]
[sighs]
Bruno.
You've got to go down
when I tell you go down, please.
You can't embarrass us.
[sighs]
Bruno.
Please.
Down.
Charlie?
Down?
[Malcolm]
You wanna change my dog's name, huh?
You wanna mess with my life?
Oh, this ain't over.
["Speak to the Wind" playing]
What's up?
Oh, you again, huh?
That's right.
Bruno.
Sit.
Angie.
Sit.
Bruno.
Down.
Angie.
Down.
Bruno.
Roll over.
Angie.
Roll over.
Roll over.
Roll over, Angie.
You have a nice day now.
Angie, roll over!
Roll over, Angie!
[distorted] Charlie!
Oh, shit!