It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005–…): Season 7, Episode 5 - Frank's Brother - full transcript

When Frank's long lost brother Gino shows up at the bar, the two of them tell the gang about the jazz club they ran in the 1960s and 70s, and how they fell out over Shadynasty, a singer who was the love of both of their lives.

What would you do, Dee?

I'm saying if I were a cop,
I would have an Uzi.

But I'm saying that
the police force...

would never
issue you an Uzi,
so now what?

That's not her point though.
That's not what
we're talking about.

Thank you, Charlie.
Listen, if you had
the choice,

would you choose
to carry one gun
that shoots one bullet,

or would you choose
to carry an Uzi...

One gun that shoots
a thousand bullets
in one second?

You're shooting bullets
everywhere.
I agree with her 100%.

She's absolutely right.
Got people coming at you
from every angle.

Frank, honestly,
if you're gonna join
in the conversation,

will you swallow your food
and then speak?

It's disgusting.
Hey, Frank, what are
you eating over there?

- A hoagie.
- You are not eating
a hoagie.

You are just jamming
meats and cheeses
inside of your mouth.

I like to make it
in my mouth.
It tastes better.

Frankie?

Gino?

- You piece of shit!
- You son of a bitch!

I'll kill you!
I'll kill you!

I'll kill you!
Now, this is interesting.

Yeah.

Do we break this up?
No, no, no!
Don't break it up.

I want to see
how this whole thing
plays out.

- Oh!
- Okay. Well, that
seemed to settle it.

Okay! All right!
Okay! All right!

Jesus Christ, Frank!
Who the hell is this man?

My goddamn brother!

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

Frank, I had no idea
you had a brother.

Yeah, what gives, Frank?
You told us your brother
was dead.

You said that he had his guts
sucked out of his asshole
through a hot tub drain.

You told that to
my own niece and nephew?

Uh, well, technically, sir,
he's not our father,

which would mean
you're not our uncle.

We thought he was
for a long time,
and then as it turns out...

- It's a whole thing, so...
- How could you do this
to me, Frankie?

Do what, Gino?
You know what
I'm talkin' about.

You're trying to
steal her from me.
She's my woman!

You stole her
from me first!
Well, you stole her back!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Who the hell are you guys
talking about?

The love of my life.

Well, this just got
more interesting.

I'm gonna pull up a seat
and get into it.
This just got very interesting.

- Why don't you walk us
through this?
- No.

I'm not dragging
this shit up again.
This is ancient history.

No, no, no!
I think they need
to hear this.

I think they need to hear
what a liar and a cheat
their father is!

Let me start at the beginning.

It was back in the '60s.

I'm gonna jump in 'cause it
sounds like you're about to
launch into a whole thing.

Is it gonna take a long time?

My attention span's
very short.
That's a valid concern.

It'll take as long as it takes!

Ah, okay.

Well, we might pop
in and out mentally.

Our generation, it's like...

You want to make it
funny or something?
Give it some flair.

Okay!
It was in the '60s.

♪♪

If you were looking for me,
you'd find me...

at a happening little jazz club
on the north side of town.

It was an all-black joint.
Blacks played the best music.

Not that I gave a shit.
I got a tin ear.

It all sounded like
a bunch of noise to me.

See, I was running numbers
as a bookie for the club.

I'd take bets
for the owner, Reggie.
Yo, Gino.

He had a temper.

He also had a weakness for
bettin' horses and a strength
for losin' those bets.

You see, Reggie owed me money,

and when he came up short,
I called in a favor.

I need you to hire someone.

I ain't hiring another one
of your bimbos, Gino.

This bimbo is my little brother.

He's here every night
for the music.

He's more Negro-ish
than anybody else in this club.

Frankie!

Gino! Ha!

How would you like to work here?

Would I ever!
I love the music, sir.

He's just a kid.
How old are you, boy?

Nineteen.
Shit!

You don't look a day over 12.

I'll do anything.

I was looking out
for my younger brother.

I was keeping him
out of trouble.

I got Frankie a job,
and he loved it.
That was a shit job.

I was moppin' up puke.
I was busing tables
and washing dishes.

It stunk.

♪♪

But at least I had that
sweet music to keep me going.

♪ So far, so good ♪

And then, one night
I heard the voice of an angel.

No, not her.

♪ So far, so good ♪

♪ So far, so good ♪
Keep going.

♪ I thought by now
You would be long gone ♪

That's her.

♪ So far, so good ♪

Boy, she was the cat's meow.

That was... Shadynasty.

- Gotta stop ya.
- Good time to stop.

So...

The love of your life
was a black woman
named Shadynasty?

Yeah. So what's wrong
with that?

Well, th-th-there's
nothing wrong with it.

Lots of things.
It's strange, it's strange.

- It's just unexpected.
- Shadynasty.

Well, go on though.

All right.
So it was late one night,

I was cleaning up,
doing my usual routine.

Are you out of
your goddamn mind?

I saw you with her!

If I wanna be
with another woman,
I'll be with another woman!

Hey, hey, hey, relax.

Relax!
Be cool, daddy-o!
Be cool.

Gino, get this bitch
out of my sight!
You just be cool, man.

Don't blow your top!
Breaking my dishes.
Bitch, goddamn!

Frankie here is gonna
take you home, and I'm
gonna talk to Reggie.

He old enough to drive?

Sure.

♪♪

For a while, we drove
in silence...

until I finally got the nerve
to speak to her.

You got a huge set on you.

Excuse me?

Pipes.
You got a great voice.

Oh. Thank you.

You like black music?
Do I?

I'm gonna open a jazz joint
of my own someday...

An integrated place
where blacks and whites
can get along.

No Orientals though.

You gotta have a dream, I guess.

And you're gonna be
my star attraction.

Child, I ain't nothin'
but a backup singer.

Oh, no. You're the real,
true star, Shadynasty.

You just need a sky to shine in.

If I didn't know better,
I'd think you were
flirtin' with me.

White man! Get down!

Whoa. Why were you
shoving her head down?

You did not want to
be caught out in the street
in those days with a Negress.

- They'd tear you apart.
- "Negress"?

- What?
- Whatever the proper word was.

Well, it's not that!
It's a different word.

We're talkin' '60s terms.

Okay. Okay,
you used those terms.
Okay. All right.

- You shouldn't have.
- Did you open the club
or what?

You bet your ass I did.

With hard work
and perseverance.
Bullshit!

We opened the club
with my gambling money!

And that's when we
became business partners.

The point is,
we opened the club,

and we named it
after our star attraction.

Shady-nasty's?

Shadynasty's, asshole.

Whatever.

He's out of here.

Is that how you spell it?

So business was booming.

♪ Like fire needs the air
to breathe ♪

Shadynasty was a star.

♪ Desire's coming over me ♪

♪ I wanna please you, babe ♪

And every night it seemed
like she was singing to me.

♪ Sometimes it gets me ♪

'Cause she was.

Frankie's dreams
were coming true.

Mmm.

But sometimes dreams
come at a price.

Well, well, well!

Ain't this some shit.

Hi, Reggie.
How you doin'?

Not good, Frankie.

No?

I gave you everything.

Then you go
and take my best bitch.

I'm not anyone's bitch.

I left you, Reggie.

I'm with Frank now.

Oh, you with her now, huh?

Yeah.

I guess that don't leave me
with no choice...

but to be a mature-ass adult
about this shit.

I'm workin' on my temper.

But know... that I strongly
disagree with this!

She's your problem now.

Good luck, Frankie.

Gino, what are you doing?

I'm saving your life.
Run, Frankie.

No, don't!
The police carted off
me and Reggie.

I got two years
in the slammer,
and Reggie got six.

Wait. Why... Why did Reggie
get more years than you?
You beat the man half to death.

- He was black.
- Those were the days.

Well...
You sound like you yearn
for those days, Frank.

No. I'm just saying,
those were the days.

Huh.
Mm-hmm.

Anyway, by the time
I got out of prison,

the '70s had arrived.

♪♪

♪ I was searching
for someone to love me ♪

♪ Hold me close
and put no one above me ♪

Ah, bro, so good
to have you back.

My brother!
I missed you, Frankie!

I really missed you.

I tell ya, I missed...
What the shit is that?

Uh...
A little bump of coke.

Since when do you do drugs?

Prison.
It's the '70s, Frank.

Everybody does drugs!
No, no.
Gino, Gino, Gino. Gino.

Not... Not in my club.
No, no, no.

No, drugs are trouble.
I don't want no trouble.

Relax. I got a gun
for protection.

Whoa! Where'd...
What are you doing
with that gun?

You take a gun out?

No drugs, no guns...

No trouble.

Hey, I could eat.
Give me somethin'.
Help yourself.

Make a sandwich
in your mouth.
It tastes really good.

I know how to do it.
I'm the one who taught you
to do it!

Oh, God.
This is insufferable.
Oh, my...

- Please, just continue.
- I just wanted to make
an honest woman of Shadynasty.

Settle down,
start a life together.

♪♪

I was building up the nerve
to ask her.

I want those peas.
Let me see that.
Okay. All right.

While I was bustin' my ass
running the club,

saving money wherever I could,

Gino was just having
one big party.

No, no! I never
danced with no guys!

Maybe you did, maybe you didn't.

No! No, no, no, no, no!

I'm gonna tell you how it went.

First off,

I was banging babes
left and right,
left and right.

Oh! Oh!

But my past
came back to bite me.

Get lost, bimbo.

Gino.

Reggie, you're out of prison.

It ain't Reggie no more.

It's Hakim Mohamed.

What's with the getup?

Prison changed me.

I'm a Black Panther now.

We strong black men,
and we don't take kindly...

to you slingin' dope
in our hood, you dig?

Are you threatening me?

You bet your ass I am.

But maybe this will
change your mind.

Ah, shit!

It's a goddamn petition!
What the hell?

I thought
he was pullin' a gun!
All right.

I'm gonna take care of this.
You got to disappear
for a while.

Disappear? Where am I
gonna disappear to?

We're gonna get you
to South America.
I got connections.

South America?
What about Shadynasty?
I'm gonna look after Shadynasty.

Frankie!
Shadynasty!

- Frankie!
- No! Shadynasty!

That's when I started
my new life.

Colombia.

What a dump.

Gino scored me a job, all right.

I was quality control
for his Colombian
cocaine connection.

I'd become everything I hated.

The only thing
that kept me going...

was writing letters
to Shadynasty.

I wrote her every night.

But I never heard back.

Shadynasty!

I occupied my mind...

immersing myself in the culture,

taking in the cuisine,

but mostly doing cocaine.

Ah!

Ah-yow!

That part was a blast actually.

Weeks turned into months,

and months turned into years.

But I had to wean myself off.

I was living life...

Oh! Oh, papi.
just going through
the motions.

I knew I had to get back home.

Back to Shadynasty.

Yes!

You shouldn't be calling.
It's too risky.

The little birdie wants
to fly back to the cage.

Uh, it's too close to the stove.

There's too much heat.

The little birdie
can stand the heat.

He wants to migrate home.

The little birdie
can't come home on account
of the attempted murder!

Why'd you say that, Gino?

Ah! You used my name.
I'm gonna hang up now!
And don't come home, Frankie.

Now you used my name!

♪ Please don't talk
about being true ♪

I had to get back,

so I snuck into the States.

And what I saw
when I got home
made me sick.

♪ We had for fixin'... ♪

What was once a clean,
respectable jazz club...

had turned into
a drug-filled disco shithole.

♪ Action
I want to live ♪

And that's
when I saw... my brother.

♪ I want to give it ♪

♪ I want to get some too ♪

With Shadynasty.

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh, I ♪

♪ I love the nightlife
I've got to boogie ♪

♪ On the disco round ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, I love the nightlife ♪

I'm sorry to bust up your party!

What?

I said I'm sorry
to bust up your party!

What are you doing here?

I was homesick!

But now I'm just regular sick.

Why?

You were gone!

He was here!

What?

She said that you were gone,

and I was here!

Oh, to get you hooked on drugs?

Shadynasty, you have a choice!

You can live a life with me,

or you can live
a life with him...
and with drugs.

♪ I want to give it ♪

What's it gonna be?

Drugs.

Huh?
I choose drugs!

Drugs?
Drugs!

She said drugs!

You know,

it's the way things
go in the world.

You understand.
You son of a bitch!

Frankie, no...
You son of a bitch!

You... You...

You bald son of a bitch!

I was bald
before you were bald!
You son of a bitch!

Break it up.
You could have had
any girl you wanted.

She was my one and only.
You stole her from me.

You're stealing her from me.

I found the new
love letters you've been
writing to her, Frankie.

Talking about
meeting up again
and running away.

What are you talking about?

I haven't written to her
in years.

Bullshit!

They're all signed,
"Love, your one and only."

I should have destroyed these,
like I destroyed the letters
from Colombia.

What? You destroyed
the letters I wrote
to Shadynasty?

I intercepted and I read
every one of them.

They were poetry.

Each one was more beautiful
than the last.

Too beautiful though.

I couldn't let Shadynasty
read them...

Not if she was gonna
stay with me.

But these letters...

These are smut.

"I want to be in you.

My dick is a raging bull
for you."

And this one here...

"Meet me at the airport,
Friday, at 5:00, Terminal 'C.'

Love, your one and only."

You are trying to
steal her from me, Frankie,
and I ain't gonna let you!

Gino, Gino.

That's not me.

I'm telling you,
I never wrote those.
What?

Dude, I'm puttin'
something together here.

She's at
the airport right now
meeting some dude.

So, like, if you want
to try and get her back,
you gotta move.

Guys, it's almost 5:00.

Now, I'd like to see
this whole story play out.

It's appealing
to the romantic in me.
I feel like I want to see it.

- Come on, man.
- Let's go to the airport!

Let's go!

This is the gate.

I don't see
a black woman
anywhere.

No. I mean,
there's her, but...

That's her!
What?

Really? That is not at all
what I was picturing.

- No.
- No, right?

Shadynasty.

Frankie! Oh, my word!

Oh! You're still
as beautiful as ever.

What are you doing here?

Oh, you know, I wrote to you
every single day
from South America.

I mean,
I really feel like we
could still be together.

There's still a chance for us.

Shadynasty, I'm sorry
for whatever I did.

Please, don't go.

Don't choose Gino.
Choose me.

No, no, no.
You choose me.

I have loved you all my life.

No, pick me.
Our love was strong
when we're together.

Pick me!
Pick me, pick me.
Pick me, Shadynasty.

I'm sorry, but I pick him.

Ain't this some shit!

- Reggie.
- Reggie?

Whoa! Everyone's
a lot fatter than I was
expecting them to be.

Last time I saw you, Frankie,
you had me sent to jail.

But I forgive you.
That's all in the past.

Reggie is your
one and only, huh?

He was all along.

But because of you two,
he was always in jail.

I could never be with him.

Excuse me.
Mr. Mohamed?

- Yeah?
- Your name came up
on a no-fly list.

I need you
to come with us.
Oh, hell, no.

- I'm supposed to be
getting on this flight!
- Sir, please cooperate.

Listen, I'm getting on
that plane with Shadynasty.

That's it.
Let's take him down.

Wait! Oh, hell, no!

Times have changed!
It can't still
be like this!

Leave him be!
Reggie!

No!

Did you call that in?
Nah, that just happened.

Guess times kind of
haven't changed much,
huh?

If I'm being honest,
she looked like shit.

Mmm.
Yeah.

She did not
age well at all.
No.

Did she ever look good?
She was never attractive.

I guess black can crack.

That's still...
Still kind of racist.

- Yeah, that's racist.
- Is anybody hungry?

Yeah, I'm hungry.
I'm starving.

Let's go eat.
I gotta eat something.

Hey, did Frankie
ever tell you
about the time...

that I threw him off
the John Wanamaker
Building?

You son of a bitch.
He's told us about that.

I can't... I can't listen
to another goddamn story.
I don't want to hear that story.

English - US - Line 21

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.