It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005–…): Season 12, Episode 7 - PTSDee - full transcript
After finding out she's a male stripper's "rock bottom," Dee goes on a mission to prove she's the best thing that ever happened to him. Dennis takes over for the stripper with the help of his bag boy, Charlie. Meanwhile, Mac and Frank get sucked into a VR war game that causes Mac to develop his own case of PTSD.
Fxx presents it's always sunny
in Philadelphia.
come on, this way.
Clear the room.
All clear, nobody's here.
It sounds like
it got quiet out there.
Yeah.
Shit! Frank!
There's somebody here.
Frank:
Is anybody here?
Speak up-- we will shoot.
Wait, hold your fire,
frank! It's just a kid.
Hey, boy.
Is that water for us?
Jesus Christ, frank,
you just killed a kid!
Eh.
Jesus Christ!
Oh, my god.
I'm gonna give him cpr.
Now, is he blowing someone?
What is happening?
Yeah, looks like it.
Mac:
Jesus Christ,
frank, he was just
trying to give us water, man!
Forget it, he's dead.
Mac: You can't go
around killing kids!
Think about his mom and his dad.
How long they been
playing this for?
Oh, dude...
Three straight days.
They've been playing this
for three days?
Yeah, absolutely.
Jesus Christ, have they slept?
No. No, they've just been
wandering around the bar,
blowing kids, doing whatever
they're doing, you know?
Frank, behind you!
Is this where we're headed?
I mean, as a world?
Know what I mean--
as a society?
Hey, uh, have any of you
seen my guy yet?
Oh, what is this, now?
What? Who?
Huh?
What do you want to
tell us? Just tell us.
Oh, I just
totally hooked up
with this super hot
stripper soldier last night.
He's swinging by.
Oh, you're dating a stripper.
Mm-hmm.
Wow, gross.
Gross? If you guys started
dating a stripper
you'd be bragging about it
for days. I meet myself
a Channing Tatum
and suddenly it's gross?
A what-- a charming taint man?
What words is she trying to say?
Uh, she's talking
about Channing Tatum.
Oh.
He's an actor.
What do i
know him in?
Well, he-he plays g.I. Joe.
Oh!
G.I.... oh, g.I. Joe's the shit.
G.I. Joe.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, then say g.I. Joe,
don't make up a name.
All right, you know what,
whatever.
It doesn't matter. Anyway,
we had this
really amazing connection
and the sex was so meaningful,
both of us wept tears of joy.
Makes me want
to throw up.
Yeah.
Just what happened.
You know what i
think is happening
right now? I think the guy's
coming by because
you stole his watch.
Oh, right, you jacked
his wallet or something
so he'd come over and you-you...
Yeah.
Right? Just to get him
to talk to you again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hello. Hey.
Hey, Mike.
Hey. Thanks
for calling me.
Yeah. Thanks for coming by.
So you have
my watch?
Oh...
Yeah. Just diving
straight into that, huh?
Listen, um, I'm really glad
you called, though.
I really wanted to thank you
for last night.
Thank you for last night.
Yeah. It's like,
we were
having sex and the whole time
yeah.
I was like,
"what's become of me?"
You know, all I do is i
strip all night, I play
video games all day,
i have meaningless sex
with strangers.
My own daughter
won't even
talk to me, you know? So I was
like... "Damn."
And I realized
i hit rock bottom.
Oh.
And that's why I was crying.
Oh. Right, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. But don't-don't
take it personally.
No. Because it...
Why would it be?
All right, cool.
It's...
Yeah, cool.
Cool, 'cause it really
helped me realize that I got to
give that lifestyle up.
Oh...
So thank you.
You're welcome.
Um... I don't
remember your name.
Dee.
Dee?
Yeah.
Cool.
Now, can I get that watch, or...
Hey, Dee, I think he
just wants his watch.
I think he needs his...
Yeah, I understand.
Yeah.
Charlie:
Oh, yeah, yeah.
rock bottom? Me?
Uh, hey, buddy, how about when
your daughter
stopped talking to you--
maybe that was
your rock bottom, okay?
I'm not rock bottom.
You know what I am?
I'm a rock.
Dee is a rock.
In fact, I'm the type of gal
who makes men's lives better.
Hey-o! You guys mind if I shower
in that leaky urinal again?
Well, that... don't count that.
That's not a good example.
No, I got-- I got
to do something
about this, goddamn it.
I am gonna fix this problem,
'cause I'm gonna
tell you something right now:
Sweet Dee is a rock.
Goddamn it, frank,
you shot a woman.
Frank: Who cares?
Jesus Christ, man,
I got to stop.
This is too real.
What, what?
I got to take a break, dude.
It's driving me insane.
Come on, how are we gonna win
if you keep quitting?
I don't care!
Lot of storm-outs today, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
This is pathetic.
Dee can't handle
a little rejection.
Mac's banged up
over a goddamn
video game.
Yeah.
It's...
Stripper guy
is traumatized
because he gets to
take his clothes off
in front of a bunch
of horny ladies.
Yeah.
And then he has sex
with one disgusting bird.
Yeah.
Come on, man,
that's not trauma.
That's not real trauma.
Nah. It's not even
that bad.
I mean, if--
if anything,
that's insulting
to people
yeah.
Who have experienced
real trauma.
I think it is.
Yeah.
I mean, like
you, for instance.
Uh, me?
Well, yeah.
Sure, man.
I mean, you grew up
fatherless.
You were raised
by a woman
who was basically
a prostitute.
Well, the father stuff
was real.
Yeah, without a doubt.
Got some daddy issues there.
And-and you, too.
I mean,
like, you know,
what happened with you--
with Ms. klinsky,
the librarian.
I mean, you were raped.
Ah. No. St...
And tha-that's
got to affect you.
That's trauma.
Will you stop?
Why do you guys br-- no.
That wasn't a rape, okay?
It was.
That was a mutual--
no, stop. Like...
She's an older woman,
you were a younger...
A woman can't
rape a guy.
An older woman can
rape a younger...
It's not...
Doesn't matter.
That's not the point.
Oh, yeah. Right, right.
This is separate, yeah.
Look, it's--
it's not the point.
The point is,
yeah, fine,
I'll do it.
You'll do what?
I'll strip.
Yeah.
Huh. I didn't realize
you were talking about that.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
Huh.
You know,
if this Mike fella
wants to walk away
from an amazing
stripping career,
hey, I'll take up
that mantle.
You know, frankly,
I'm a little disappointed
in myself for not
thinking of it before.
You know?
It just makes sense.
Right, yeah.
Here's the thing, man.
I can't do it without you.
I need you to get my back.
Oh, uh, you want me
to strip with you?
Oh, oh, no, no,
no, no, no.
I-i-i-- no,
i just literally
need you to have a look
at my back, you know,
make sure
there's no moles
or, like,
unsightly hairs,
bumps, zits,
you know,
that kind of thing.
Ah, yeah...
And then, you know,
get after it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'll clean you up.
All right, all right,
i can do that.
Cool.
Cool, man.
You be my boy?
Yeah, I'll be the boy.
Well, just be my--
l-like my bag boy.
You know, carry around
my-my lotions,
my oils, my scents,
my razors.
Cool, man.
Chill, chill.
Yeah, that's cool,
right?
Yeah, that's cool, bro.
Cool.
Cool.
Mac:
Frank, where are you, man?
I can't see.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, who's there?! Oh...
Hey, boy.
How you doing, man?
No! Baba!
Mama!
Oh, shit!
Oh, no, man!
I'm so sorry, man.
Hey, son.
Dad?! What are you doing here?
How did you get in the game?
Guess we...
Won't be having that catch
after all.
You were gonna have a catch
with me?
I was, but...
You killed me, son.
I... love...
Wa-wa...
Wait! Wait, dad!
Who do you love?
Dad, who do you
love? Wait.
Dad, who do you
love? No, dad! No!
What the hell?
Oh, was that a dream?
Dennis?
Oh, my god, man, I just
had the weirdest dream.
What?
Mac:
Frank.
Look, i-i... I can't sleep.
I'm having nightmares.
Dead kids, dads.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Mac.
Slow down. What are you saying?
I got to quit the game, dude.
I can't
do this anymore.
No, no, no.
Don't quit just yet.
Look, have a drink
and calm down.
Okay, fine.
I'll calm down. I'll-I'll drink
some whiskey or something.
Yeah, stuff it down with brown.
That's the best way
to deal with things.
Okay.
Kid's a mess.
Goddamn it, Charlie,
we're 30 minutes late, man.
I'm so sorry I cut your
back so many times, man.
What happened?
I was nervous, dude.
Why?
I've never, like, cut
such a muscular back.
Thanks, man.
Yeah. Oh, dude, your
back looks great, man.
I'm working hard, dude.
Dude, you're putting the work
in, and it's showing, man.
Thank you so much, man. I really
appreciate that.
Yeah, right,
right, right, right.
But just let's not talk about it
in there. Don't bring it up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can you walk me through
what your guy is again?
Okay, so here's the deal, man.
Who do girls want to have sex
with more than anybody else?
Jugglers.
Jug...?
Dudes who can,
like, juggle things.
I know what a juggler is.
You know, with the fire
sticks and the balls.
Yeah.
No, they don't want
to have sex with a juggler.
They want to have sex
with their dads.
Weird.
Yeah, it is weird,
so I'm a dad.
Oh. Okay, cool. Oh,
and I'm your boy.
All right, that works.
Well, no. What?
Why would you be my boy?
Oh, you said I was gonna be your
boy 'cause I have daddy trauma,
and then, I didn't realize
i was gonna be your boy
in there, but
that works great.
No, that doesn't
make any sense.
How would you be my s...?
I'm their dad.
How could I also be your dad?
We can't all be related.
Christ, Charlie,
you're not making
any sense, man.
Right, right.
Yeah, I mean, you could have
a lot of kids, I guess.
I got to say, though,
I'm looking inside there,
and this isn't
making sense to me.
I mean, these are all
older women. Might be
a little bit hard for me to pull
off the dad thing at all.
That's not a good play.
You know, I'm getting
a bad feeling about this, man.
Hey, man, do you think
maybe that's 'cause
of your librarian trauma?
You're talking about
Ms. klinsky?
Yeah, she was an
older woman, and...
What? No. There was...
Let's not talk... can we stop
talking about trauma
and-and-and cuts on the...
On peoples' backs?
Yes.
And let's...
It's not sexy, okay?
Okay, yeah, well,
then let's split.
Okay.
All right, let's go.
All right, man.
Are you the stripper?
Oh, uh, yeah,
that's him.
Uh...
What, are you 40?
Yup.
Fine. You guys'll do, I guess.
Y-you guys? No.
Sorry. I'm just the boy.
The what?
Just...
Sorry.
I'm-I'm his boy.
Well, you're not my boy.
He's not...
Are you gonna stand out here
and talk like little bitches,
or are you gonna come inside and
take your dicks out for money?
Daddy?
Don't call me daddy.
Frank:
Yeah, my generation--
we drank our problems away.
But since you softies like
to talk about everything,
I figured this was
a good thing to do.
A PTSD support
group, frank?
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe you'll get some help,
we can finish
the damn game.
What's up, dicks?
What the hell
are you doing here?
Well, because I am a rock and
not a rock bottom, I decided
to reach out to Mike and see
if I could get him some help
with, uh, some of these
issues he's been having.
I'm confused. Is this
a PTSD meeting for vets?
Mm-hmm, yeah. You're
a military guy, right?
No. It was just
my stripper character.
Really? Oh, I just
figured you based
your characters off
past experiences.
Why?
Okay, look, i-I'm not gonna pass
myself off as a vet, frank.
Yeah, I don't feel good
about this. Maybe...
Well, then just don't talk.
But...
You don't have to talk.
Just sit down.
Okay, everybody, let's grab a
chair, let's get this started.
Probably not gonna
call on you anyway.
Man:
Okay, right off
the bat, I can see
we got some newcomers
here today. You guys want
to introduce yourselves?
Ugh. Goddamn it.
Uh, I'm frank.
I've been around the block,
seen some action.
I was in 'nam for a while.
Private sector mostly.
I did shoot a couple of dinks
who tried to Jack some sneakers
off the factory floor.
No big deal.
I don't feel nothing
about it.
I'm just here
to support my buddy.
Dee:
Uh...
Hello. I'm Dee.
I'm a rock.
I'm here with this guy.
There was a bit of a mix-up
about his military credentials,
but, uh... whatever.
Torrent downloaded by RARBG
Now he's under the delusion
that he's hit rock bottom,
you know, and I just don't see
how that's possibly true, so,
we're gonna straighten
that up while we're
sitting here today, you know.
Mac's being a pussy!
He doesn't want
to fight anymore!
I'm not being a pussy.
I just don't want to
kill women and children.
Frank:
How do I get him
to stop thinking of them
as real people?
Mike's embarrassed
about his dancing,
and I just...
I don't get that.
I don't... how is that
rock bottom behavior?
You know? Think
of Channing Tatum.
Can you please explain
Channing Tatum to him?
I'm not sure
i follow...
Oh, yeah.
He's g.I. Joe.
Frank:
Mac can't sleep at night.
He's having erotic nightmares
and shit.
He doesn't know
what's real anymore.
Dee:
Yeah.
Mike's embarrassed about his
video game-playing, which makes
no sense to me, 'cause you know
what? Video games are hard.
You ever play
fallujah?
Beat it five times.
You want to play with me?
I'm actually trying
to get away from that.
Well, what if he paid you?
Ten bucks
an hour.
20.
Deal.
Wow. Really?
Well, will you look at that? Now
we're getting somewhere, huh?
Yeah.
That couldn't have happened
without your rock, could it?
Wait a second, frank.
What about me?
You're out.
Dishonorable discharge.
Man:
I'm sorry.
What is happening here?
Doesn't matter.
We're done with you.
Torrent downloaded by RARBG
Yeah, we're good.
Yeah.
Hey, son.
Dad?!
What are you doing here?
I broke out of jail
and came straight to see you.
Because you love me?
'Cause I'm gonna kill you, son.
Oh. Oh, no!
What...? What-what's happening?
When did I get here?
How long have I been asleep?
You got here, like,
five minutes ago.
You've been asleep
for 35 seconds.
Oh, Jesus Christ,
I'm-I'm losing my mind.
I mean, I'm actually
going insane.
Dennis: You know,
we're all having a little bit
of a hard time right now.
Yeah.
But we got to fight
fire with fire,
and Charlie and I refuse
to be defeated by this.
We're gonna
win this war.
What war?
The war on women!
Women, man!
There's a war on women?
Can I get in on that?
Bro, it's been raging
since the beginning
of time, bro.
Oh.
And we're losing ground.
Phone!
Hello.
Ah, yeah.
Uh, yeah,
is youse daddy and the boy?
Uh, y-yes, it is.
Boy speaking.
Oh.
Yeah. Uh, I hear youse
are re... rule good.
Well, yeah,
that-that is true.
Well, I've got a party for you.
Um, daddy wants
to speak with you.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is daddy.
What's-what's the gig?
Uh, yeah, a giant party.
Tons of sorority girls.
Sorority girls. Oh,
sorority girls. Nice.
Did you just lick your
hand? Yeah, that...
That sounds good. Um, listen,
a few new ground rules, though.
I'm a bad dad now. And, uh,
the boy's also gonna
be dancing with me.
Okay. Uh, whatever. Uh, uh...
Yeah, we need Mike. We need him.
Mike? Why do you want Mike, Dee?
What? You knew it was me?
Of course I knew it was you.
Who else does accents so poorly?
The accents were terrible.
The accents were terrible.
All right, look, I just...
I want him to have fun,
make a ton of money,
party with a bunch
of sorority girls, you know?
I need to show him
that this is a great life.
This is not a rock-bottom life.
We'll do it at paddy's.
It'll be a win-win.
Make a ton of mon...
Mmm.
Yes. Okay.
What? Hello?
Goddamn it.
This is good. This
is... th-this is good.
Young girl sorority girls. It's,
like, age-appropriate for me,
you know? Not like those
perverted librarians.
Cougars. Whatever, man.
Yeah.
And it's gonna be on our
home turf. Like, paddy's.
Whoa. And with Mike,
we'll be like a...
Oh.
We'll be like an elite stripping
dance force, like a unit, man.
Dude, dude, dude, dude,
we're gonna look good, man.
Yeah. Yeah, man.
We're gonna win this war. We're
gonna win this war on women.
Oh, hell yeah. Oh, yeah.
You know what, Mac, maybe
we could use you after all.
He's asleep.
Yeah, he's out.
It's amazing! I can't believe
they have zombies
on the final level!
I love zombies. Ghouls, too.
I love ghouls.
Right now, if we can just
make it to that second box
over there, we can grab
the all spark coin
and we can
win the game.
Can win the game.
Can win the game.
Mac:
Frank? Where are you, man?
I can't see.
Shit! Frank!
Mac:
Frank. Frank.
Frank!
Frank!
Oh. What happened?
Where am I?
Oh, you're in the back office.
You passed out
playing the game, dude.
We dragged you back here
so you could sleep.
Oh, Mac.
I think I was too hard on you.
I think I got PTSD, too.
Oh, no. We don't have that.
Huh?
Yeah, I actually slept about
ten hours last night, dude,
and I feel great.
I think we were just suffering
from sleep deprivation.
Well, where's Mike?
I want to finish the game.
Oh, we finished the game.
Yeah, like, right after
you passed out,
Mike and I just got in there.
Dude, it was awesome.
Do you want to do it again?
No, I don't want
to play anymore.
Well, where's Mike?
I'll do it with him.
He's out, too.
Yeah, he's doing
some weird stripping thing
with Dennis and Charlie.
I only woke you up 'cause
i figured you'd want to see it.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I really appreciate
you getting me
this gig. I mean,
truthfully,
I don't think I was ready
to give this lifestyle up.
Of course not. Why would you?
You're really good
at dancing. That's nothing
to be ashamed of.
Listen, you like video games?
I got you paid for it.
You're a great stripper?
I got you this gig.
And you know what
I'm gonna do for you next?
What?
I'm gonna reunite you
with your daughter.
Oh, man.
Yep.
Look, I really appreciate
everything you've done.
It really, really
means a lot to me.
Eh, well,
you just needed your rock.
Fire it up. Smell good?
Everything poppin'?
All right. No, feels good.
I don't know. What do you think?
You like how it smells?
Look good? It looks good.
And you can't see any of the
blood. It's all patched up good.
Okay, good.
What do you think
about my prop, hmm?
That's really cool.
A little kid
licking that up there.
Wait, what-what am I smelling?
Cheese. Yeah, yeah.
Is that made of cheese?
And then I painted the rest
with, like, magic marker
and stuff.
Oh, Christ.
Why did you make a cheese
lollipop? It stinks.
For-for my nerves. Yeah.
That smells horrible.
Oh, god. There's nothing sexy
about cheese. Put it away.
Ladies,
are we ready to party tonight?
So am I.
All right.
We're gonna
see some skin
tonight. Yeah.
Scars and all.
This, actually,
is a real scar, too.
And I got a good story
behind that.
This is, uh... they took out
the kidney, actually,
from the fron... a chinaman.
And he did not know
how to do it,
I'll tell you that much.
Cricket was a bad idea, huh?
Yeah, I know. But we needed
that, like, you know,
McConaughey
emcee-type.
Yeah. But looks like we got
aids Dallas buyers club
McConaughey,
not magic Mike McConaughey.
That is
what he looks like.
It's a good crowd, though.
It's a good crowd.
He's... yeah.
All right, well...
That was the first time
that I really thought,
"hey, I might actually, uh...
I might die, and...
And no one's gonna remember."
All right! Hey!
Let's, uh, keep it movin'.
Keepin' it real,
keepin' it sexy,
and takin' back the power,
let's give it up for daddy
and the boy!
Hey, boy, let's have a catch.
over here, pop.
Hey. Good throw, son.
I love you, dad!
I love you, too, son.
Oh?
And even though
i never even said it enough.
What is this?
I wasn't a good... shh!
I wasn't a good father to you,
and-and I regret that now.
No, that's fine, because now
is our chance to connect.
This is super weird.
Hey! Shush, all right?
This is our thing. We have
the power. You don't talk.
All right, you know what, dad,
don't listen to them,
'cause we're gonna win this war.
This is not sexy!
Just take
something off!
You know,
you take something off!
All right, look,
it's too hot for baseball.
I'm gonna take my clothes off
now. I think.
Okay!
Yeah,
now we'll take our clothes off.
Yeah!
Wait, wait, son, don't.
Don't. They're laughing.
Don't take your clothes off
if they're laughing.
We have the power.
It's not a joke!
It's not a joke,
all right? This is sexy.
Oh, stop, sto--
oh, you know what?
You might want to check your
programs 'cause I'm bad dad now.
I'll take you
to your goddamn room.
I'll bend you over my knee.
Take your dicks out!
All right, listen to me.
This is it, this is what
you were made for.
Now you get out there
and save the day, soldier.
Dennis:
This is about a father and a son
whose relation...
Charlie:
Oh, come on!
Cricket: And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for--
soldier boy Mike.
Dad?
Oh, Janie?
Oh!
Your cock was in my face!
Oh, god, I didn't mean to!
I didn't mean to!
You're disgusting!
My finger touched your asshole!
Never talk to me again!
I got you!
I got you.
I'm your rock bottom?
I'm your rock--
that's your rock bottom,
sticking your dick in your
daughter's face,
you son of a bitch.
Why would you do that?!
Get out of here!
That's my daughter!
Oh.
Yes!
Dennis:
Wow.
Jesus Christ.
Wow, Dee, that was dark.
That's like the darkest thing
you've ever done.
You know what that was?
That was your rock bottom.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Whatever.
Feel good. I don't
want to talk about it.
I don't want to talk about my
thing. You want to talk about
your thing?
No, no, let's not.
You know what we should do?
Let's just, uh...
Let's just get drunk.
Let's not talk about trauma.
Yeah, come on.
Or deal with any of that shit.
Woo.
Let's just have a good time
and get drunk, huh?
Stuff it down with some brown.
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
who do girls
want to have sex with
more than anybody?
Jugglers.
Ju--
dudes who can,
like, juggle things.
I know what a juggler is.
Sunny.
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Only on fxx.
I am a very dangerous man
to know.
Announcer: Taboo.
All new Tuesdays at 10:00 on fx.
Announcer: Man seeking woman.
All new, wednesdays at 10:30.
Only on fxx.
I had a little, uh,
kung pao chicken
in my teeth.
Was it alive?
I look terrific now.
Man: So, is he crazy?
Man #2:
I think he believes
he's mentally ill.
But at the same time,
part of him knows...
The power's real.
Announcer: Legion.
All new wednesdays at 10:00
on fx.
Take an hour
of his time.
Wow. Look at
Stan's yard.
Someone's been busy.
Clearly not in ours.
Maybe Henry can do
some work today.
Yeah.
I forget your back
is always bad
this time of year.
Only when there
are leaves--
when did you
wash this last?
in Philadelphia.
come on, this way.
Clear the room.
All clear, nobody's here.
It sounds like
it got quiet out there.
Yeah.
Shit! Frank!
There's somebody here.
Frank:
Is anybody here?
Speak up-- we will shoot.
Wait, hold your fire,
frank! It's just a kid.
Hey, boy.
Is that water for us?
Jesus Christ, frank,
you just killed a kid!
Eh.
Jesus Christ!
Oh, my god.
I'm gonna give him cpr.
Now, is he blowing someone?
What is happening?
Yeah, looks like it.
Mac:
Jesus Christ,
frank, he was just
trying to give us water, man!
Forget it, he's dead.
Mac: You can't go
around killing kids!
Think about his mom and his dad.
How long they been
playing this for?
Oh, dude...
Three straight days.
They've been playing this
for three days?
Yeah, absolutely.
Jesus Christ, have they slept?
No. No, they've just been
wandering around the bar,
blowing kids, doing whatever
they're doing, you know?
Frank, behind you!
Is this where we're headed?
I mean, as a world?
Know what I mean--
as a society?
Hey, uh, have any of you
seen my guy yet?
Oh, what is this, now?
What? Who?
Huh?
What do you want to
tell us? Just tell us.
Oh, I just
totally hooked up
with this super hot
stripper soldier last night.
He's swinging by.
Oh, you're dating a stripper.
Mm-hmm.
Wow, gross.
Gross? If you guys started
dating a stripper
you'd be bragging about it
for days. I meet myself
a Channing Tatum
and suddenly it's gross?
A what-- a charming taint man?
What words is she trying to say?
Uh, she's talking
about Channing Tatum.
Oh.
He's an actor.
What do i
know him in?
Well, he-he plays g.I. Joe.
Oh!
G.I.... oh, g.I. Joe's the shit.
G.I. Joe.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, then say g.I. Joe,
don't make up a name.
All right, you know what,
whatever.
It doesn't matter. Anyway,
we had this
really amazing connection
and the sex was so meaningful,
both of us wept tears of joy.
Makes me want
to throw up.
Yeah.
Just what happened.
You know what i
think is happening
right now? I think the guy's
coming by because
you stole his watch.
Oh, right, you jacked
his wallet or something
so he'd come over and you-you...
Yeah.
Right? Just to get him
to talk to you again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hello. Hey.
Hey, Mike.
Hey. Thanks
for calling me.
Yeah. Thanks for coming by.
So you have
my watch?
Oh...
Yeah. Just diving
straight into that, huh?
Listen, um, I'm really glad
you called, though.
I really wanted to thank you
for last night.
Thank you for last night.
Yeah. It's like,
we were
having sex and the whole time
yeah.
I was like,
"what's become of me?"
You know, all I do is i
strip all night, I play
video games all day,
i have meaningless sex
with strangers.
My own daughter
won't even
talk to me, you know? So I was
like... "Damn."
And I realized
i hit rock bottom.
Oh.
And that's why I was crying.
Oh. Right, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. But don't-don't
take it personally.
No. Because it...
Why would it be?
All right, cool.
It's...
Yeah, cool.
Cool, 'cause it really
helped me realize that I got to
give that lifestyle up.
Oh...
So thank you.
You're welcome.
Um... I don't
remember your name.
Dee.
Dee?
Yeah.
Cool.
Now, can I get that watch, or...
Hey, Dee, I think he
just wants his watch.
I think he needs his...
Yeah, I understand.
Yeah.
Charlie:
Oh, yeah, yeah.
rock bottom? Me?
Uh, hey, buddy, how about when
your daughter
stopped talking to you--
maybe that was
your rock bottom, okay?
I'm not rock bottom.
You know what I am?
I'm a rock.
Dee is a rock.
In fact, I'm the type of gal
who makes men's lives better.
Hey-o! You guys mind if I shower
in that leaky urinal again?
Well, that... don't count that.
That's not a good example.
No, I got-- I got
to do something
about this, goddamn it.
I am gonna fix this problem,
'cause I'm gonna
tell you something right now:
Sweet Dee is a rock.
Goddamn it, frank,
you shot a woman.
Frank: Who cares?
Jesus Christ, man,
I got to stop.
This is too real.
What, what?
I got to take a break, dude.
It's driving me insane.
Come on, how are we gonna win
if you keep quitting?
I don't care!
Lot of storm-outs today, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
This is pathetic.
Dee can't handle
a little rejection.
Mac's banged up
over a goddamn
video game.
Yeah.
It's...
Stripper guy
is traumatized
because he gets to
take his clothes off
in front of a bunch
of horny ladies.
Yeah.
And then he has sex
with one disgusting bird.
Yeah.
Come on, man,
that's not trauma.
That's not real trauma.
Nah. It's not even
that bad.
I mean, if--
if anything,
that's insulting
to people
yeah.
Who have experienced
real trauma.
I think it is.
Yeah.
I mean, like
you, for instance.
Uh, me?
Well, yeah.
Sure, man.
I mean, you grew up
fatherless.
You were raised
by a woman
who was basically
a prostitute.
Well, the father stuff
was real.
Yeah, without a doubt.
Got some daddy issues there.
And-and you, too.
I mean,
like, you know,
what happened with you--
with Ms. klinsky,
the librarian.
I mean, you were raped.
Ah. No. St...
And tha-that's
got to affect you.
That's trauma.
Will you stop?
Why do you guys br-- no.
That wasn't a rape, okay?
It was.
That was a mutual--
no, stop. Like...
She's an older woman,
you were a younger...
A woman can't
rape a guy.
An older woman can
rape a younger...
It's not...
Doesn't matter.
That's not the point.
Oh, yeah. Right, right.
This is separate, yeah.
Look, it's--
it's not the point.
The point is,
yeah, fine,
I'll do it.
You'll do what?
I'll strip.
Yeah.
Huh. I didn't realize
you were talking about that.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
Huh.
You know,
if this Mike fella
wants to walk away
from an amazing
stripping career,
hey, I'll take up
that mantle.
You know, frankly,
I'm a little disappointed
in myself for not
thinking of it before.
You know?
It just makes sense.
Right, yeah.
Here's the thing, man.
I can't do it without you.
I need you to get my back.
Oh, uh, you want me
to strip with you?
Oh, oh, no, no,
no, no, no.
I-i-i-- no,
i just literally
need you to have a look
at my back, you know,
make sure
there's no moles
or, like,
unsightly hairs,
bumps, zits,
you know,
that kind of thing.
Ah, yeah...
And then, you know,
get after it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'll clean you up.
All right, all right,
i can do that.
Cool.
Cool, man.
You be my boy?
Yeah, I'll be the boy.
Well, just be my--
l-like my bag boy.
You know, carry around
my-my lotions,
my oils, my scents,
my razors.
Cool, man.
Chill, chill.
Yeah, that's cool,
right?
Yeah, that's cool, bro.
Cool.
Cool.
Mac:
Frank, where are you, man?
I can't see.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, who's there?! Oh...
Hey, boy.
How you doing, man?
No! Baba!
Mama!
Oh, shit!
Oh, no, man!
I'm so sorry, man.
Hey, son.
Dad?! What are you doing here?
How did you get in the game?
Guess we...
Won't be having that catch
after all.
You were gonna have a catch
with me?
I was, but...
You killed me, son.
I... love...
Wa-wa...
Wait! Wait, dad!
Who do you love?
Dad, who do you
love? Wait.
Dad, who do you
love? No, dad! No!
What the hell?
Oh, was that a dream?
Dennis?
Oh, my god, man, I just
had the weirdest dream.
What?
Mac:
Frank.
Look, i-i... I can't sleep.
I'm having nightmares.
Dead kids, dads.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Mac.
Slow down. What are you saying?
I got to quit the game, dude.
I can't
do this anymore.
No, no, no.
Don't quit just yet.
Look, have a drink
and calm down.
Okay, fine.
I'll calm down. I'll-I'll drink
some whiskey or something.
Yeah, stuff it down with brown.
That's the best way
to deal with things.
Okay.
Kid's a mess.
Goddamn it, Charlie,
we're 30 minutes late, man.
I'm so sorry I cut your
back so many times, man.
What happened?
I was nervous, dude.
Why?
I've never, like, cut
such a muscular back.
Thanks, man.
Yeah. Oh, dude, your
back looks great, man.
I'm working hard, dude.
Dude, you're putting the work
in, and it's showing, man.
Thank you so much, man. I really
appreciate that.
Yeah, right,
right, right, right.
But just let's not talk about it
in there. Don't bring it up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can you walk me through
what your guy is again?
Okay, so here's the deal, man.
Who do girls want to have sex
with more than anybody else?
Jugglers.
Jug...?
Dudes who can,
like, juggle things.
I know what a juggler is.
You know, with the fire
sticks and the balls.
Yeah.
No, they don't want
to have sex with a juggler.
They want to have sex
with their dads.
Weird.
Yeah, it is weird,
so I'm a dad.
Oh. Okay, cool. Oh,
and I'm your boy.
All right, that works.
Well, no. What?
Why would you be my boy?
Oh, you said I was gonna be your
boy 'cause I have daddy trauma,
and then, I didn't realize
i was gonna be your boy
in there, but
that works great.
No, that doesn't
make any sense.
How would you be my s...?
I'm their dad.
How could I also be your dad?
We can't all be related.
Christ, Charlie,
you're not making
any sense, man.
Right, right.
Yeah, I mean, you could have
a lot of kids, I guess.
I got to say, though,
I'm looking inside there,
and this isn't
making sense to me.
I mean, these are all
older women. Might be
a little bit hard for me to pull
off the dad thing at all.
That's not a good play.
You know, I'm getting
a bad feeling about this, man.
Hey, man, do you think
maybe that's 'cause
of your librarian trauma?
You're talking about
Ms. klinsky?
Yeah, she was an
older woman, and...
What? No. There was...
Let's not talk... can we stop
talking about trauma
and-and-and cuts on the...
On peoples' backs?
Yes.
And let's...
It's not sexy, okay?
Okay, yeah, well,
then let's split.
Okay.
All right, let's go.
All right, man.
Are you the stripper?
Oh, uh, yeah,
that's him.
Uh...
What, are you 40?
Yup.
Fine. You guys'll do, I guess.
Y-you guys? No.
Sorry. I'm just the boy.
The what?
Just...
Sorry.
I'm-I'm his boy.
Well, you're not my boy.
He's not...
Are you gonna stand out here
and talk like little bitches,
or are you gonna come inside and
take your dicks out for money?
Daddy?
Don't call me daddy.
Frank:
Yeah, my generation--
we drank our problems away.
But since you softies like
to talk about everything,
I figured this was
a good thing to do.
A PTSD support
group, frank?
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe you'll get some help,
we can finish
the damn game.
What's up, dicks?
What the hell
are you doing here?
Well, because I am a rock and
not a rock bottom, I decided
to reach out to Mike and see
if I could get him some help
with, uh, some of these
issues he's been having.
I'm confused. Is this
a PTSD meeting for vets?
Mm-hmm, yeah. You're
a military guy, right?
No. It was just
my stripper character.
Really? Oh, I just
figured you based
your characters off
past experiences.
Why?
Okay, look, i-I'm not gonna pass
myself off as a vet, frank.
Yeah, I don't feel good
about this. Maybe...
Well, then just don't talk.
But...
You don't have to talk.
Just sit down.
Okay, everybody, let's grab a
chair, let's get this started.
Probably not gonna
call on you anyway.
Man:
Okay, right off
the bat, I can see
we got some newcomers
here today. You guys want
to introduce yourselves?
Ugh. Goddamn it.
Uh, I'm frank.
I've been around the block,
seen some action.
I was in 'nam for a while.
Private sector mostly.
I did shoot a couple of dinks
who tried to Jack some sneakers
off the factory floor.
No big deal.
I don't feel nothing
about it.
I'm just here
to support my buddy.
Dee:
Uh...
Hello. I'm Dee.
I'm a rock.
I'm here with this guy.
There was a bit of a mix-up
about his military credentials,
but, uh... whatever.
Torrent downloaded by RARBG
Now he's under the delusion
that he's hit rock bottom,
you know, and I just don't see
how that's possibly true, so,
we're gonna straighten
that up while we're
sitting here today, you know.
Mac's being a pussy!
He doesn't want
to fight anymore!
I'm not being a pussy.
I just don't want to
kill women and children.
Frank:
How do I get him
to stop thinking of them
as real people?
Mike's embarrassed
about his dancing,
and I just...
I don't get that.
I don't... how is that
rock bottom behavior?
You know? Think
of Channing Tatum.
Can you please explain
Channing Tatum to him?
I'm not sure
i follow...
Oh, yeah.
He's g.I. Joe.
Frank:
Mac can't sleep at night.
He's having erotic nightmares
and shit.
He doesn't know
what's real anymore.
Dee:
Yeah.
Mike's embarrassed about his
video game-playing, which makes
no sense to me, 'cause you know
what? Video games are hard.
You ever play
fallujah?
Beat it five times.
You want to play with me?
I'm actually trying
to get away from that.
Well, what if he paid you?
Ten bucks
an hour.
20.
Deal.
Wow. Really?
Well, will you look at that? Now
we're getting somewhere, huh?
Yeah.
That couldn't have happened
without your rock, could it?
Wait a second, frank.
What about me?
You're out.
Dishonorable discharge.
Man:
I'm sorry.
What is happening here?
Doesn't matter.
We're done with you.
Torrent downloaded by RARBG
Yeah, we're good.
Yeah.
Hey, son.
Dad?!
What are you doing here?
I broke out of jail
and came straight to see you.
Because you love me?
'Cause I'm gonna kill you, son.
Oh. Oh, no!
What...? What-what's happening?
When did I get here?
How long have I been asleep?
You got here, like,
five minutes ago.
You've been asleep
for 35 seconds.
Oh, Jesus Christ,
I'm-I'm losing my mind.
I mean, I'm actually
going insane.
Dennis: You know,
we're all having a little bit
of a hard time right now.
Yeah.
But we got to fight
fire with fire,
and Charlie and I refuse
to be defeated by this.
We're gonna
win this war.
What war?
The war on women!
Women, man!
There's a war on women?
Can I get in on that?
Bro, it's been raging
since the beginning
of time, bro.
Oh.
And we're losing ground.
Phone!
Hello.
Ah, yeah.
Uh, yeah,
is youse daddy and the boy?
Uh, y-yes, it is.
Boy speaking.
Oh.
Yeah. Uh, I hear youse
are re... rule good.
Well, yeah,
that-that is true.
Well, I've got a party for you.
Um, daddy wants
to speak with you.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is daddy.
What's-what's the gig?
Uh, yeah, a giant party.
Tons of sorority girls.
Sorority girls. Oh,
sorority girls. Nice.
Did you just lick your
hand? Yeah, that...
That sounds good. Um, listen,
a few new ground rules, though.
I'm a bad dad now. And, uh,
the boy's also gonna
be dancing with me.
Okay. Uh, whatever. Uh, uh...
Yeah, we need Mike. We need him.
Mike? Why do you want Mike, Dee?
What? You knew it was me?
Of course I knew it was you.
Who else does accents so poorly?
The accents were terrible.
The accents were terrible.
All right, look, I just...
I want him to have fun,
make a ton of money,
party with a bunch
of sorority girls, you know?
I need to show him
that this is a great life.
This is not a rock-bottom life.
We'll do it at paddy's.
It'll be a win-win.
Make a ton of mon...
Mmm.
Yes. Okay.
What? Hello?
Goddamn it.
This is good. This
is... th-this is good.
Young girl sorority girls. It's,
like, age-appropriate for me,
you know? Not like those
perverted librarians.
Cougars. Whatever, man.
Yeah.
And it's gonna be on our
home turf. Like, paddy's.
Whoa. And with Mike,
we'll be like a...
Oh.
We'll be like an elite stripping
dance force, like a unit, man.
Dude, dude, dude, dude,
we're gonna look good, man.
Yeah. Yeah, man.
We're gonna win this war. We're
gonna win this war on women.
Oh, hell yeah. Oh, yeah.
You know what, Mac, maybe
we could use you after all.
He's asleep.
Yeah, he's out.
It's amazing! I can't believe
they have zombies
on the final level!
I love zombies. Ghouls, too.
I love ghouls.
Right now, if we can just
make it to that second box
over there, we can grab
the all spark coin
and we can
win the game.
Can win the game.
Can win the game.
Mac:
Frank? Where are you, man?
I can't see.
Shit! Frank!
Mac:
Frank. Frank.
Frank!
Frank!
Oh. What happened?
Where am I?
Oh, you're in the back office.
You passed out
playing the game, dude.
We dragged you back here
so you could sleep.
Oh, Mac.
I think I was too hard on you.
I think I got PTSD, too.
Oh, no. We don't have that.
Huh?
Yeah, I actually slept about
ten hours last night, dude,
and I feel great.
I think we were just suffering
from sleep deprivation.
Well, where's Mike?
I want to finish the game.
Oh, we finished the game.
Yeah, like, right after
you passed out,
Mike and I just got in there.
Dude, it was awesome.
Do you want to do it again?
No, I don't want
to play anymore.
Well, where's Mike?
I'll do it with him.
He's out, too.
Yeah, he's doing
some weird stripping thing
with Dennis and Charlie.
I only woke you up 'cause
i figured you'd want to see it.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I really appreciate
you getting me
this gig. I mean,
truthfully,
I don't think I was ready
to give this lifestyle up.
Of course not. Why would you?
You're really good
at dancing. That's nothing
to be ashamed of.
Listen, you like video games?
I got you paid for it.
You're a great stripper?
I got you this gig.
And you know what
I'm gonna do for you next?
What?
I'm gonna reunite you
with your daughter.
Oh, man.
Yep.
Look, I really appreciate
everything you've done.
It really, really
means a lot to me.
Eh, well,
you just needed your rock.
Fire it up. Smell good?
Everything poppin'?
All right. No, feels good.
I don't know. What do you think?
You like how it smells?
Look good? It looks good.
And you can't see any of the
blood. It's all patched up good.
Okay, good.
What do you think
about my prop, hmm?
That's really cool.
A little kid
licking that up there.
Wait, what-what am I smelling?
Cheese. Yeah, yeah.
Is that made of cheese?
And then I painted the rest
with, like, magic marker
and stuff.
Oh, Christ.
Why did you make a cheese
lollipop? It stinks.
For-for my nerves. Yeah.
That smells horrible.
Oh, god. There's nothing sexy
about cheese. Put it away.
Ladies,
are we ready to party tonight?
So am I.
All right.
We're gonna
see some skin
tonight. Yeah.
Scars and all.
This, actually,
is a real scar, too.
And I got a good story
behind that.
This is, uh... they took out
the kidney, actually,
from the fron... a chinaman.
And he did not know
how to do it,
I'll tell you that much.
Cricket was a bad idea, huh?
Yeah, I know. But we needed
that, like, you know,
McConaughey
emcee-type.
Yeah. But looks like we got
aids Dallas buyers club
McConaughey,
not magic Mike McConaughey.
That is
what he looks like.
It's a good crowd, though.
It's a good crowd.
He's... yeah.
All right, well...
That was the first time
that I really thought,
"hey, I might actually, uh...
I might die, and...
And no one's gonna remember."
All right! Hey!
Let's, uh, keep it movin'.
Keepin' it real,
keepin' it sexy,
and takin' back the power,
let's give it up for daddy
and the boy!
Hey, boy, let's have a catch.
over here, pop.
Hey. Good throw, son.
I love you, dad!
I love you, too, son.
Oh?
And even though
i never even said it enough.
What is this?
I wasn't a good... shh!
I wasn't a good father to you,
and-and I regret that now.
No, that's fine, because now
is our chance to connect.
This is super weird.
Hey! Shush, all right?
This is our thing. We have
the power. You don't talk.
All right, you know what, dad,
don't listen to them,
'cause we're gonna win this war.
This is not sexy!
Just take
something off!
You know,
you take something off!
All right, look,
it's too hot for baseball.
I'm gonna take my clothes off
now. I think.
Okay!
Yeah,
now we'll take our clothes off.
Yeah!
Wait, wait, son, don't.
Don't. They're laughing.
Don't take your clothes off
if they're laughing.
We have the power.
It's not a joke!
It's not a joke,
all right? This is sexy.
Oh, stop, sto--
oh, you know what?
You might want to check your
programs 'cause I'm bad dad now.
I'll take you
to your goddamn room.
I'll bend you over my knee.
Take your dicks out!
All right, listen to me.
This is it, this is what
you were made for.
Now you get out there
and save the day, soldier.
Dennis:
This is about a father and a son
whose relation...
Charlie:
Oh, come on!
Cricket: And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for--
soldier boy Mike.
Dad?
Oh, Janie?
Oh!
Your cock was in my face!
Oh, god, I didn't mean to!
I didn't mean to!
You're disgusting!
My finger touched your asshole!
Never talk to me again!
I got you!
I got you.
I'm your rock bottom?
I'm your rock--
that's your rock bottom,
sticking your dick in your
daughter's face,
you son of a bitch.
Why would you do that?!
Get out of here!
That's my daughter!
Oh.
Yes!
Dennis:
Wow.
Jesus Christ.
Wow, Dee, that was dark.
That's like the darkest thing
you've ever done.
You know what that was?
That was your rock bottom.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Whatever.
Feel good. I don't
want to talk about it.
I don't want to talk about my
thing. You want to talk about
your thing?
No, no, let's not.
You know what we should do?
Let's just, uh...
Let's just get drunk.
Let's not talk about trauma.
Yeah, come on.
Or deal with any of that shit.
Woo.
Let's just have a good time
and get drunk, huh?
Stuff it down with some brown.
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
who do girls
want to have sex with
more than anybody?
Jugglers.
Ju--
dudes who can,
like, juggle things.
I know what a juggler is.
Sunny.
All new, wednesdays at 10:00.
Only on fxx.
I am a very dangerous man
to know.
Announcer: Taboo.
All new Tuesdays at 10:00 on fx.
Announcer: Man seeking woman.
All new, wednesdays at 10:30.
Only on fxx.
I had a little, uh,
kung pao chicken
in my teeth.
Was it alive?
I look terrific now.
Man: So, is he crazy?
Man #2:
I think he believes
he's mentally ill.
But at the same time,
part of him knows...
The power's real.
Announcer: Legion.
All new wednesdays at 10:00
on fx.
Take an hour
of his time.
Wow. Look at
Stan's yard.
Someone's been busy.
Clearly not in ours.
Maybe Henry can do
some work today.
Yeah.
I forget your back
is always bad
this time of year.
Only when there
are leaves--
when did you
wash this last?