Irma Vep (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

Hello, Mrs. Harberg.
Welcome to Paris.

- Hi.
- Would you please follow me?

Mira, this is yours.

- Sorry we kept you waiting.
- No worries.

Oh, wow, thank God
this is our last stop.

I am so sick of
discussing "Doomsday,"

and why Nausicaa sliced her
superhero husband's throat

and cut off his testicles.

It's the strongest
scene in the film.

- Creepy as fuck, though.
- Yeah, but point is,

it feels good when he dies.

I mean, it's shocking.
No one expects it.

And he's the lead. How often does a
lead die halfway through the movie?

- Driver: Are you okay with the AC?
- Yeah, it's fine. Thanks.

I mean, honestly, that's why
the film's a hit in the U.S.

- And it will be in France, too.
- Yeah. Good for Herman.

And good for you.
You needed a hit.

Regina, I don't need a
hit. I need a good movie.

Yeah, but blockbusters let
you make the movies you love.

And spend the next
two months in Paris

- shooting "The Vampires."
- Yeah, with René Vidal.

I worshipped him in film school.

You should tell him.
He'll be thrilled.

- I wouldn't dare.
- Then I'll tell him for you.

I can't believe I finally get
to meet René in person tomorrow.

I'm so sick of Zoom.


- Hello, hello.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- Ah, this is Mira.
- Hi.

- Welcome to the Plaza Athénée.
- Mira: Thank you.

May I show you to your suite?

- Mira: Ah, y...
- Oh, is it possible to look

at the schedule before you rest?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Shall we go to the lounge?

- Yeah.
- Bellman: This is your key.

- Thank you very much.
- Bellman: Pleasure.

Have a nice day.
See you later.


we start with the
"Vogue" photoshoot.

Remember? They want you in
your "Doomsday" spacesuit.

I asked you. You
said it was fine.

- Did I?
- You did, but, I mean, we can still tell them

- you're not comfortable with it.
- No. It's fine, it's fine.

Then, as agreed, we do TV.

Simple network spots.

Here's the list.

Thank you.

Wait, what's the second
one? Did we agree on that?

Yes, we discussed it.
It's a real big deal.

Two and a half to 3
million viewers a night.

We give them 15 minutes.

Then, uh, we come
back to the hotel,

and you have one hour to
prepare for the premiere.

You'll introduce
the film on stage.

Herman will be there as well.

- Ooh, Herman.
- Michelle: Yes.

The director's in town
with his new wife.


So, uh... no one was gonna
tell me Laurie is here?

It's our last European
premiere date,

and Herman thought that you'd
like to celebrate together.

- Oh.
- I only heard

Laurie was comin' an
hour ago. I'm sorry.

Michelle: He brought
Laurie because they wanted

a romantic weekend in Paris
before going back to LA.

Regina, did you know about this?

No, absolutely not.

I swear.

Laurie used to be
Mira's assistant

for three years.

I had no idea.

- Yeah.
- She and Herman met on set,

- and they married a week after wrap.
- Excuse me?

Is there something you
want me to do about it?

- No... Yeah, it's fine.
- No, okay.

Regina: At least Herman
made it this time.

Well, he skipped most
of the premiere dates.

He promised to come to Stockholm
and Rome... but he bailed.

Well, he's working on
a new project. Marvel.

- Oh, of course.
- A sequel.

A sequel to what?

I don't know. I lost track.

Sequel to a whole bunch of them.

- Saw it in the trades.
- Okay, the set is ready.

You can come with me.

- Photographer: Hello.
- Hi.

So, production sent me a few,
and I brought a few, so, okay.

- Mira: Double guns?
- Photographer: Yeah, whatever you feel comfortable with.

All right... On the cross.

Face me completely. Open a
little bit more the feet.

And, yeah, good.

- - No, uh, when we
were shooting "Doomsday," uh,

none of us imagined
it would be so big.

Maybe Herman had
another perspective.

- No, I-I... We were just,

you know, trying to make
it as good as we could,

as believable as possible,

which is a challenge when
it's about superheroes.

Don't you think
it struck a nerve

because of present-day
politics in Europe?

What kind of politics?

The rise of populism.

- Gender equality.
- Gender equality?

Um... feels ever-present to me.

Cutting off Ragnar's testicles

was a pretty radical act.

- It was in the screenplay.

- But you sold it.
- Yeah, but I try my best

to be as, as honest as possible,

and try to channel
the woman I play.

But yeah, this...
was a tough one.

- Especially for Ragnar.

In an interview you said

you were concerned with
the future of Europe,

and the unraveling of
democracy in Hungary.

I shot a film there.
Love Budapest.

Um, but European politics?

I, I, I can't say I... I
don't know much about that.

Maybe Herman said something.

Yeah, but, uh, you approved.

Maybe I nodded, uh.

I-I... No, but honestly,
I don't have a clue.

The only thing I
can say is that, um,

Herman's set is not
exactly a democracy.

- What do you mean by that?

I was joking. Don't make
me say things I'll regret.

Thank you.


Of course, of course.
What's your name?

- We should go, sorry.

Okay, I'll, I'll, I'll
come after, after the show.

Photographers: Herman, Herman!

"Doomsday," bitch.

Photographer: Herman, Herman!

- Isn't she beautiful?


- I'm so sorry.
- Hold on. Just two more.

- Just two more.
- We have to cut it short.

I'm sorry. Thank you.

Photographer: Herman, please!

Right this way.

We're gonna skip the
audience, but this is David,

a journalist from a
major cable network.

- Okay, great.
- David: Hi.

- Bonsoir.
- Bonsoir.

Is it true you'll be shooting
a series in Paris soon?

That is true.

I start shooting in a few days,

and I'll be here for a while.

I heard it's a remake
of a French silent film.

"The Vampires."

Uh, it was shot by
Louis Feuillade in 1916,

and I'll be Irma Vep.

She's, uh, like the evil
muse of a criminal gang.

Uh, René Vidal is directing.

I know. I'm thrilled. It's
such an unexpected match.

Why do you say that?

Well, you usually do
bigger commercial movies.

Which makes it then...
the more exciting, right?

- Have you seen the original serial?
- I have.

Three times...

and I love to brag about it

because it's, uh,
seven hours long.

- Bravo. Thank you.
- Thank you. Have a good night.


Thank you. Have a good night.

I'll take some more
"dre pierre," though.

But seriously, it's
one of your best films.

I mean, it's the closest
to your earliest,

like "Dawn of the Slasher."

"Dawn of the"... That was shit.


Man, we was broke
when we shot that.

We shot that in an abandoned
factory in Detroit.

- Detroit.
- Yeah, I mean, it's pretty extreme.

Bruh, when you got 15
days to shoot a feature,

- you gotta be radical.
- Miguel: Mm.

I mean, some young exec from
Disney just happened to like it.

That's how I got "Gorgon."

Twenty-eight years old
and all of a sudden...

the sky's the limit.

Woman: Hi! Welcome,
Miss Harberg.

- Excuse me, pimp.

Miss Doomsday herself.

- Hey...
- Oh, so great to see you.

So happy you could make it.

- Hey.
- How you doin'?

Finally got here. Oh, I'm
sorry I missed Stockholm.

That's okay... We managed.

The journalists, they
wanna see the stars.

Nobody care about
meeting directors.

But, you know, I wanted to surprise
you by showin' up for the last day.

Yeah, no, um, it's so nice
to be together one last time.

One last time? You mean
until awards season.

We're not that
kind of film, are we?

Oh, you'll be surprised.

The feedback has been wild.

The studio is backin'
a major campaign.

- Ah.
- We gonna need you.

I'll be here, uh,
in Paris shooting.

"The Vampires."

- "The Vampires"?
- It's about a, a gang

that call themselves Vampires.

I'll be... Irma Vep,
their evil muse.

Great, um, listen,
you know what?

I have a hunch that we'll
probably pick up a few noms,

so be around.

Great! Well, um,
fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed!

- Mira: Laurie.
- Hi.

- We need to catch up.
- We do.

I haven't heard much
from you since the shoot.

Well, you were invited to the
wedding, but you didn't RSVP.

I texted.

- Want a smoke?
- Sure.


Let's be clear.

I had... no idea
about you and Herman.

- Oh, I thought it was obvious.
- Not at all.

Fine, I guess I was just
waiting for the right moment.

- But it never came.
- No... No, not really, no.

I must've been, like, the
last person to find out.

- I didn't want to hurt you.
- Be honest.

You were scared.

Yes, I was scared. You ever
wonder why I was scared?

- Yeah, because you felt like a cheater.
- No, because you're scary.

And you scared me.

- You think you're easy, huh?
- No.

- And I never pretended to be.
- Especially when you're drunk.

- Now I'm sober.
- Good for you.

You weren't exactly
faithful either.

Who said I was monogamous?

And you never thought
that might hurt me?


Honestly, no, I didn't.

I have a question.

Doesn't an open relationship

go both ways?

No... it doesn't.

God, you're fucking controlling.

I'm just not used
to getting dumped.

- I think you're overstating that a little bit.
- And for Herman?

I mean... come on, he's,
he's, he's such a bore.

- He's a good person.
- He's a good person?

- He's nice.
- He's a dime-a-dozen douche from LA.


What do you wanna hear? That
you're a better fuck than Herman?

You know I'm a better
fuck than Herman!


what's the plan, huh?

Two kids... and a little
white picket fence?

He already has a family.

Not anymore.

- Who are you to judge me?
- I'm not judging you.

If you want a more...

- boring life?
- You mean a more boring hetero life?

A boring hetero life.

Like when you got off
on being this glamorous

Hollywood couple with Eamonn?

- Yeah, sure.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

If I remember correctly,

I... I wasn't only

dating Eamonn.

No... You were fucking me too

in between errands I
was running for you.

I can see you have a
better life... with Herman.

I do.

You, um... use
his credit card.

- I do.
- You have a villa in the Canyon,

and a convertible.

- I do.
- And you get a bit of the spotlight.

I get a lot of the spotlight,

if you haven't been
reading the news lately.

Because his wife is suing him.

They've settled.

I'm so relieved.

You know what? Seeing it
for the second time...

The third, in fact,

I thought it was kind of okay.

- Was it?
- Yeah, actually, I was surprised.

Is something wrong?

No. No. Nothing's wrong.

Honestly, it wasn't that
bad for that kind of film.

But I definitely don't buy
Edward as Emperor of the Galaxy.

Who can pull off
Emperor of the Galaxy?

- Who's the guy that plays Gandalf in "Lord of the Rings"?
- Ian McKellen.

I thought it was Michael Gambon.

Michael Gambon plays Dumbledore

in the "Harry Potter" movies.

Ooh, it's not the same actor?

No, Ian McKellen and Michael
Gambon are not the same actor.

Ooh... okay.

- When, when is pick-up?
- Six.

That's not happening again.
You have to change that.

I can't. It's a
really long drive,

and they're shooting
God knows where.

- All right.

You're not coming up?

No, I wanna check if
the pool is still open.

- Regina, it's 2 A.M.
- And?

Uh... forget it.
Nothing. Go ahead.

- Good night.
- Have fun.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Could you please call
Ms. Harberg, room 567?

I was having them
call your room.

We need to go. We're late.

I couldn't sleep, so I took some
pills. Then I couldn't wake up.

Well, you can sleep in the car.

- It's like a three-hour drive.
- I need coffee.

This is the body of
Chief Inspector Durtal.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Finally.

Sorry, uh, I know how, uh, it can be
uncomfortable as a newcomer on a set.

- Especially since we just started shooting.
- It's fine.

No, it just takes a
moment to settle in.

Actors are used to it.

I probably should have
given you a warmer welcome,

but you know how it is.

I was trying to get
this shot right...

I know.

It's always a bit awkward

to meet in person when, uh...

- Totally.
- Y-y-you've only Skyped.

Yeah, and the Wi-Fi
kept cutting in and out.

No, no, but I will get around
to fixing my Wi-Fi... sometime.

- Mine too.
- M-Maybe, maybe.


And, uh, I'm sorry because my,
my English is not so great,

- and, uh... it, uh, it limits the conversation.
- It's perfect.

I, I did... I didn't think you,
you, you would take me seriously.

You didn't need to
convince me. Um, I'm a fan.


As am I.

I was surprised
you knew my films.

Um, you know, I don't
really care about movies.

Um, I used to, but not anymore.

Uh, maybe it will
come back, but, um...

you, y-you have a
magnetic presence.

Even as Nausicaa?

Yeah, totally.

- You glow.
- I, I glow?

- Yeah, you glow. You...
- I-I'm, I'm not

so sure about that...

but I'll take your word for it.

So, uh, how's it been goin'
so far? Are you happy?

Oh, Mira, I have some
bad news for you.

I'm never happy.

I, I tried happiness, but, uh,
it's, it's just not for me.

Okay, so, uh, let
me put it this way.

Is everything going
according to plan?

There is no plan.

- No plan.
- No plan, no.

I hate when there is a plan.

Uh, my, my, my job
is to screw the plan.

Maybe I can help you with that.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Um, are, are you familiar with,
uh, Feuillade's first episode?

Uh... yes...

but I haven't watched
it in a while.

I, um, I was in Hawaii,

and I wrapped two weeks ago.

And then I had to go and
promote "Doomsday," and...

I'll catch up.

I promise.

It's only about e-establishing

how ruthless
Vampires can be, um.

They're ruled by an elusive
criminal mastermind,

uh, only known as...
the Grand Vampire,

but he operates under
various aliases.

Yeah, right. He usually disguises
himself as the Count of Noir...

How do you pronounce
it? Count, Count Noir...

- Nwar-moot-yeah.
- Nwar-moot-yeah.

- Nwar-moot-yeah.
- Count Nwar-moot-yeah.

Le comte.

- Comte.
- Noirmoutier.

- Le Comte Noirmoutier.
- Voilà. C'est ça.

- - And, uh,
this is Philippe Guérande,

the journalist.

Um, he's the
Vampires' foe, okay?

And, um... he exposes the crimes
of the Vampires in the press.

Furious, the Grand Vampire
wants revenge and threatens him

with the same fate
as Inspector Durtal.


- Today is a very busy day.
- No worries.

Especially because of
the severed head scene.

So, um... Yeah,
I, I guess I...

I just need to understand
your approach, you know?

Irma Vep can be seen
from so many angles.

Is she the Grand
Vampire's moll, or...

Oh, but she's a
lot more than that.

Y-Yes, or is she
the... embodiment

of the Vampires' evil spirit?

You know, it, it
was the first time

a villainess was the
star of a serial.

Uh, we, we are,
uh, in, uh, 1916.

Um, do, d-do, do you know

what was all the rage
in the States then?

"Perils of Pauline."

Ever heard of, uh, Pearl White?

- No... not really.
- Uh, let me show you something.



Look. You see?

Pauline was the ultimate
damsel in distress.

And so, Irma Vep was
Pauline's polar opposite.

She's fascinating
because she's pure evil,

but, uh, in a sexy kind of way.

- Do you know what I mean?
- I guess so.

Yes, because
villainesses are sexy

in ways good girls are not.

Uh, they don't teach
you that at school.

Don't worry. Girls just know.

The actress Musidora,
not, not her real name,

was a, a fetish for
a whole generation

cause, uh, Surrealists
worshipped her.

She was a much more
complex figure.

- What do you mean?
- She was an artist, in her own right.

One of the first
female directors.

True. In France,
we had Alice Guy,

Germaine Dulac, and her.

So, in the '70s,

the first radical, uh,
women's filmmaker collective

was named after her.
Musidora. Musidora.

- Uh-huh.
- Never knew that.

I didn't go to film school.

Oh, no, it's, it's
local French culture.

You're not supposed
to know, but, uh.

Well, I do know that
she was a novelist

and even a film critic.

She, uh, fell in love
with a bullfighter,

she... shot some of
her movies in Spain.

She was an adventurer.

I've done my research.

Irma Vep was only
one side of her.

Yes, but, um, I also think
everything is in Irma Vep.

Yeah, that's the
way I see it, too.

She's a strong woman,
very sensual... free.

And she's bad.

- Yes, she is.
- Yeah, she's an outlaw.

- Yeah.
- How can I resist the opportunity

to pay tribute to an outlaw?

Because, uh, deep down,

you are an outlaw yourself.

It's what we share.

Thanks for the compliment.

But I'm nowhere near her league.

- - Man:
What happened, Mr. Guérande?

The Vampires have a
secret passage to my room,

b-but last night, I
discovered their trick.

I'll show you. It's
pretty cunning.

This wasn't there yesterday.


It has to be the head of
Chief Inspector Durtal.

Eriberto: These are
the references we have.

This one is my favorite
photo. I love this one.

The one with Musidora.

Paul Poiret, the great
fashion designer back then,

fitted Musidora himself.


Ah, wow.

Eriberto: We have to
do as well as he did.

Yep... the line is
perfect, seamless.

Now it's all, leather,
leather, leather.

You take any of the
American actresses,

Scarlett Johansson
in "The Avengers,"

Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle
Berry in "Catwoman,"

and so on, and so
on, and so boring.

That's exactly... why
I chose silver velvet.

It's more sensual.

- Pierre, can you bring us a sample, please?
- Of course.

Yeah, Irma Vep is not
a, not a superhero.

She doesn't need body armor.

And, I mean, look...

she's not afraid
of her femininity.

Her femininity is
what scares her foes.

That is stunning.

You'll have to be careful
because it's extremely fragile.

Uh, y-you do know that
I'm gonna climb roofs

in this costume, right?

It's very different from what
you usually see in movies.

This is, like, comfortable.

See how it plays with the light?

Yeah, stunning.

We have a prototype.

- You want to try it?
- Of course.

She's the original
movie villainess...

and it's also about
female empowerment.

It's not bad for a first try.

It is a little tight.

- Yeah, we'll fix that.
- Yeah, right here.

Zoe: Love it.

She seems vulnerable,

and that makes her all
the more dangerous.

Sure. She was wicked.

Eriberto: She unleashed
Feuillade's fantasies.

Individually, they
had their limits,

but together, they
made film history.

The ghost of Irma Vep has been
haunting cinema ever since.

Le menu.

Edmond: Uh...


Mira: Oh, wow. That
is a lot of bags.

How are we with
hair and make-up?

Uh, we're still
working on the make-up.

You texted. I was in the
neighborhood, so... here I am.

Yeah, sorry, um, they
now changed the schedule,

- so we don't have much time.
- Doesn't matter.

You know, I thought
I missed film shoots,

I really did, but... turns out

I don't miss 'em
at all.

You're wearing the costume.

Yeah, they, uh, need
me in the catsuit.

- Show me.
- No.

Come on... please.


Show me how hot you are.

You know how hot
I am. Quite well.

- I forget.
- Oh, you do.

Mm-hm. Take off your coat.

Good girl.

- Happy?
- Mm-hm.

Why don't you stand up?

- Come on. Stand up, Mira.

And now, do it like you
used to do it for me.

Do it.

Laurie: Mm.


- Yeah.
- It's very cool.

Now turn around.

Turn around.


They're looking at me.

I like when they look at you.

It's embarrassing.

But you're turned on.

I don't want the crew
to see me like this.

I know you when
you're turned on.

I don't know.

You can sit. I'm happy.

You know what I did today?


Yeah, I don't know.
Um, let me guess.

I think the reason why you...

put all these bags on display

might be because you've
been on a couture spree.

- Correct.
- Mm.

All the stores that
you used to take me to.

Back when I was
doing the buying,

- and you were schlepping the bags.
- Mm-hm.

- Yes.
- And now you have your revenge.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

My revenge is to feel like I have
you wrapped around my little finger.

- You do.
- I know.

Sit back.

Put your hands on the armchair.

Now open your legs.

Not too much.


Like this?

Are you satisfied?


I like that very much.

Do you want me back?

Say it.

I want you back... please.

Say it again.

Please, Laurie, I want you back.

God, you're sexy when you beg.

But I have to go.

I have to drop off all of these
bags at the Plaza Athénée.

I'm moving out of there.

- Where to?
- Some cheaper place the French production booked.

Hm. You know what, darling?

I'm glad I skipped this one.

Will I see you before you leave?

If you come to the
Plaza Athénée...

maybe we can have a drink...

or two.

What would you say to that?

Mm, 6:30-ish.

I know you'll be there.

Okay. Okay.


Philippe: I'll take my leave.

I love you.

Break a leg.

- Good evening.

Dear artist, allow me
to introduce myself:

I am the Count of Noirmoutier.

A modest admirer.

My Lord, I'm greatly honored
by your interest in my work.

Would you accord me
the infinite pleasure

of joining me for supper tonight

after your performance?

- I do not know whether I should.
- Yes, I understand.

Accept this gift as proof
of my noble intentions.

That is such a generous present.

It is but a small token
of my profound admiration.

Let me help you put it on.


- Bellman: Please.
- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

- All good. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Two minutes, please.
I'll be right back.

Okay. Car's loaded
and ready to go.

I'll join you later. I
told you I have a meeting.

It's 7. I thought your
meeting was at 6:30?

Yeah, obviously,
they're running late.

What about your new suite?
You don't wanna check it out?

- I trust you.
- That's unlike you.

I'll be there in half
an hour. Take the van.

I'll keep the chauffeur.



- Wow.
- Oh, thank you.

Now I understand why
it took some time.

Well, I did say 6:30-ish.

Well, the "-ish" ended
about 40 minutes ago.

I had dresses that
needed alterations,

and they just kept me
waiting and waiting,

but... I'm used to that.

I often waited for your dresses.

- True.
- Waiter: Would you like to order, Madam?

Um, no, actually, I'm, I'm fine.

I... I should be
going actually.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I have dinner with Herman.

It's our last night in Paris.
We go back to LA tomorrow.

He booked this amazing reservation
somewhere, but he won't tell me where.

He wants it to be a
surprise. How cute is that?

- Yeah, how kind of him.
- He's a kind man.

Well... I have to go,

but we'll have more time in LA.

- Will we?
- Yeah, I think we're in a more balanced relationship now,

so we could spend
more time together.

Fuck you, Laurie.

Not yet.