Invincible (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - In About Six Hours I Lose My Virginity to a Fish - full transcript

Target is Doc Seismic.

Huh?

We're going
to college together.

I guess I get to keep my
superhero boyfriend after all.

The Immortal's now in charge.

We are down,
Houston.

If a single
sequid fuses with

one of your people,
they will rise up as one.

Finally, some action!

I always wanted
to be my dad.

What if that happens?



It's been an honor, sir.

I'm better.

- I'm stronger. I'm ready.
- No, you're not.

I'll work for you,

just put me back out there.

For some
of you,

it probably seemed like
this day would never come.

For others,

it came far too quickly.

Maybe you're even wondering
if you're ready for this.

For what comes next.

You are.
I look out at this class

and I see hope.

I see a bright new world
with a special place



for each and every one of you.
You may not know yet...

Mark's not seriously gonna miss
his own graduation, is he?

He's just running a little late.

This is why I quit superheroing.

I mean, you only get to say
goodbye to high school once.

It needs to be enjoyed.

Appreciated. Savored.

He'll be here. He promised.

Look at you.
You're thieves! Rapists!

Criminals.

All so ignorant of your

true crimes
against terra therma.

What is it with you and
historical monuments? S... Uh,

Professor Seismic, right?

Doc Seismic.

I never taught.

Didn't you fall into,
like, a huge pool of lava?

I fell into a new realm
of understanding.

Do you know what this obscene

phallus is constructed from?

He asked, expecting
some idiotic answer.

Uh...

Granite stolen from the Earth.

Iron ripped from her loins.

Bricks made of the clay
she bleeds

from humanity's
endless ruinations.

Isn't that most buildings?

You can keep the ones
made of wood.

Everything else,
we're taking back.

Ha!

Ah!

I made
a few new friends

during my time underground.

Meet my Magmanites.

I liked you better
when you just hated presidents.

As you find your place
in the world,

know that it
won't always be easy.

Sometimes, life hits you
with everything it's got.

Huh?

The Earth reclaims
her stolen flesh.

When you find yourself

in the shadow of adversity,
do not be afraid.

For without adversity,

there can be no triumph.

Without testing your limits,

you will never know
how strong you truly are.

You're
running out of time, kid.

I know.

Aah!

See? Even your greatest heroes
are useless

against the power of Doc...

Nice save, Mark.

Would've been better if you had
stopped him before he destroyed

another one of America's
greatest treasures.

It's not destroyed.

I could, you know,
I could try pushing it back out

- to, you know...
- Do not do that.

We'll take it from here.

As the great

Abraham Lincoln once said,

"Whatever you are,
be a good one."

Did he, though?
Did he really say that?

Doesn't sound very Lincoln-y.

So,
all I missed were the

made-up inspirational
quotes? Cool.

Hey there, hero. Good timing.

- Mm.
- Mm.

Is that... sulfur?

Oh, man, wait till
I tell you about this guy.

He's a case
against higher education.

Amber
Justine Bennett.

Yeah!

William
Francis Clockwell.

I'd say it's been fun,
but, you know...

high school.

Markus
Sebastian Grayson.

Let's go, Markus.

Samantha
Eve Wilkins.

Markus Sebastian?

I thought we weren't keeping
secrets from each other anymore.

Some secrets should never

be revealed... Justine.

Everyone, please rise.

Congratulations, graduates.

Yeah!

Ooh, crap.

Remember, be bold,

be original, be...

I don't know.
I don't feel any different.

It's graduating high school,
not losing your virginity.

Amber, summer plans. Go.

Nothing but swimming pools
and sleeping late

for two whole months.

I mean...

on the weekends, maybe.

I'm at the community center

Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Oh, and did I tell you guys
I'm volunteering

for the Katie Giles campaign?

That's your idea
of a summer vacation?

Hey, Giles is the real deal.

Do you even know
your state comptroller?

I don't even know what a state
comptroller is, but you do you.

I'm gonna find
the trashiest reality show

I've never heard of
and binge every episode twice.

Eve, please tell Amber
how to properly vay-cay.

I'm, uh, gonna go help
finish the reconstruction,

up in Chicago.

Sorry, I didn't mean
to make that

weird for you or...

No, that's... that's amazing.

Do you ever miss punching
bad guys in the face?

Seems cathartic.

Right now, I'm just happy
helping people.

Speaking of...

God, I love having
superhero friends.

I mean Eve, specifically.

Mark won't even take me flying
anymore. Boo. Hiss.

To graduation
and new beginnings.

Mark?

I'm on call.
Cecil might need me.

You're always on call now.

- That's the job.
- It's all right.

Here.

What's this?

Virgin mai tai.

Very funny.

Cheers, guys.

To the best summer ever.

♪ Just another day ♪

♪ Lucky that you got that ♪♪

I'm telling you,
this Martian problem

isn't gonna fix itself.

They were gonna execute us.

We-we barely got off
that rock alive.

Come on. They were trying
to save their planet.

From their own slaves.

If those sequids ever take over,
Earth is next.

We need to strike first.

Send up that
Invincible guy again.

You're talking about
starting an interplanetary war.

Hm...
Livingston?

Uh... What-what-what?
Well, what-what makes you

think I know anything
about Martians?

Is that how
you say it... Martians?

I, um, I have to visit...
the urination chamber.

Get a grip. Get a grip.

You are a smart Earth astronaut.

Say, uh, everything okay, Rus?

Fine. Everything...
everything's okay, yeah.

Sorry, how long have you
been standing there?

Not that it matters,
because I have nothing to hide.

Well, I, uh, l-listen, son,

I know things haven't
been easy since Mars.

After what you all
went through up there,

no one can blame you
for being a little, uh...

Uh... not yourself.

But it's been months,
and quite frankly, Livingston,

this is the
U.S. Space Administration,

not therapy.

Oh, God. No.

Well, I-I don't know
how else to say this...

Please don't kill me!

What?

Spare me!
I won't fail you again.

I swear on my
three-chambered heart.

Just please do not stab
all three of them.

Uh, Christ on a Christmas tree.

No one's killing anybody.

But effective immediately,
you're taking a temporary leave

till you can get
your head on straight.

Holy shit.

Um...

Whew. There.

Saved you some work.

What the hell
do you think you're doing?

You scared the piss out
of my entire crew.

Uh, I'm just trying to help.

How do I know that's to code?

You know what?

Go stuff your code up your ass.

I live in that building.

And if it was up to
the bureaucrats,

we'd be sleeping in high school
gyms until Labor Day.

- Thanks.
- Thank you.

Mommy, does this mean
we can go home now?

It's about time someone
cut through all the red tape

and did something, instead
of just talking about it.

You know how long
I've been begging the city

to clean up that mess?

Six years.

Oh, but unless
you know somebody?

Good luck.

You know me, don't you?

- Wow.
- That is so cool!

Hey, Mom.

No, no, everything's fine.
Great, actually.

I was just thinking
about you, and... Wait.

Is something wrong?

- Hey, Mom.
- Morning.

Since when do you drink coffee?

Since I got my powers.

Oh. I hadn't noticed.

Mm.

It keeps doing that.

I told Cecil those contractors
he hired were total amateurs.

Yeah, well, at least
he fixed our house.

His people shot it up.

Can we please
not do this right now?

Sorry.

I guess we're both
still a bit raw.

So...

how about we take
a little break?

I found some crazy deals online.

I'm-I'm thinking beach trip.

You and me. Somewhere tropical
with a-a fancy hotel.

Bermuda.

- Maybe Saint Lucia.
- Seriously?

Call it a graduation present.

I mean,
I want to, but...

Cecil told me the Guardians
are working out some issues,

and I don't know if I can
take off right now.

Well, what about
taking the time to enjoy

your last summer being a kid?

I'm not a kid anymore.

Yes, I know that.
You're an adult.

But that means
making your own choices.

- You don't have to do everything Cecil tells you.
- Yeah, Mom,

I kind of do.

The last time I did this on my
own, half a city got destroyed.

- I understand.
- No, you don't.

Let me finish.
I understand why you think

you have to prove yourself,
but you don't.

You're a good person.

No one thinks you're gonna
turn out like your father.

Well, then why
would you even say it?

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
That's not what I meant.

Mark,
I need you.

- Thank God.
- What?

- I have to go.
- Wait, Mark. Wait.

I quit.

I'm done.
Fuck your training, man.

People try and kill me

every single day.

Look, I don't need
that shit at home.

Somebody got me
in the balls.

Maybe if you trained more

and complained less,
we could get back

to saving lives.

We just stopped him
from being that guy,

and now we've got you?

Ugh, fuck my life.

Kate? Is that you?

I've got a boo-boo

that could use
some dupli-kisses.

First of all,

We are not dating.

And second, that's inappropriate
language for the workplace.

So kiss your own boo-boo...

boo... boo...

Wait, I know that look.

Oh,

are you shitting me?

You goddamn geriatric hypocrite.

This is none of your business.

- Aw, come on!
- You and I were never a thing.

The Immortal and I are.
Deal with it.

Kate.

Don't do this. Please.

We called them heroes,

role models, protectors.

But no one ever expected to call

the Guardians
of the Globe victims.

Welcome to our first annual
commemoration

of the massacre
that shook the world.

We begin by honoring Aquarus, King of Atlantis.

Aquarus first won hearts

and minds when he
singlehandedly rescued...

Hi, Rus.

Yes, Rus.

I know you lost your job,

but the rent's been due
for months. So, you know...

- I do?
- ...served as a symbol for those of us

who feel different...

Just find a way
to pay your bills,

or I need you out
by the end of next week.

Next,
we honor the Guardians'

fallen green do-gooder:

Martian Man.

He may have come
from the stars,

but Martian Man will always be

one of Earth's
greatest superheroes.

While taking on bigger threats

was part of his job
as a Guardian,

Martian Man always

made time to help
first responders on the scene.

With his gentle nature

and kind spirit,
Martian Man made Earth

his home.

Here's the need-to-know.

We've had multiple

corroborated sightings
of Darkwing,

which is perturbing to me,
considering that I personally

ID'd what was left
of his rib cage last year.

Oh, uh, sorry.

It's okay.

So, observe and report?

That's why you're
employee of the month, kid.

Midnight City.

Been a virtual no-man's-land

since the Midnight Magician
cursed it back in '02.

So when you say "cursed,"

is that, like, a metaphor or...

What the hell?

I mean it's cursed.

Permanent midnight,
perpetual darkness.

Summer on the dark side
of the moon.

So weird.

Hm...

Let me know when
you're done playing tourist.

Oh, oh, God. Help. Help!

Please, somebody help me!

Ple...

Aah!

Please...

s-somebody help me.

I am helping.

Helping make sure scum like you

never hurt another
innocent person again.

Come on, man.

Darkwing was at
my 12th birthday party,

so I'm pretty sure
he doesn't kill people.

Also, pretty sure he's dead.

Killed by your father,
Invincible.

Which is why
I carry on his work.

I was Night Boy, his assistant.

Assistant?
Wait, you mean sidekick?

We don't use that term.

It's degrading.

Okay, bring him in.
He's lost it.

You think?

- You hear them, too?
- Huh?

The voices.

Oh, man... Hey, you're coming
with me. Okay?

I'm not going anywhere
with the son of a psychopath.

Hey, I'm being nice,
so watch it.

Huh?

Ow.

I felt that.

My predecessor developed

this exoskeleton
to help even the field

against those like you.

But that's not what you
should be worried about.

Hey, man, I said I felt that
punch. I didn't say it hurt.

Aah!

Welcome to the Shadowverse.

There are dark things here.

Hungry things.

Even I don't dare
to stay too long.

But I hope you like it,

because you are never leaving.

I liked the old Darkwing better.

I'm the hero here!

I'm saving the world

from Omni-Man's son.

Hey, don't call me that.

Let go.

Not until you take me back.

Hmm. Guess who
they'll eat first.

You would never.

Like you said,
I'm Omni-Man's son.

You have no idea

what I'm capable of.

There. Now let go of...

Mark?

We lost you for a minute.
Where were you?

You'll have to ask
Darkwing's sidekick.

When he regains consciousness.

Okay.
Bring him in.

I got to sign off.
Something just came up.

Anything I can do?

I doubt it.

Debbie,
what a pleasant surprise.

What can I do for you?

Mark almost missed

his high school graduation
because of you.

He only gets one of those.

He's barely 18, Cecil.

Mark came to me.

I'm looking out for him. I'm
easing him back into the job.

It's not a job. And he's not
your... your-your soldier.

You can't just order him around.

Well, at least
he follows orders.

Debbie, I didn't mean that.

That's what this is about,
isn't it?

That you're in control, not him.

That he's not like his father.

- Debbie...
- I can't believe you'd even think that

after everything
Mark went through.

And what if you decide
you can't trust him? What then?

That won't happen.

I wish I believed you.

Debbie...

I meant what I said,
about looking out for Mark.

No dangerous stuff
until he's ready.

And he calls the shots.
You have my word.

Sir, the Mars file
you requested.

D... Donald?

Debbie. Are you okay?

She was just leaving.

That was Donald.

Huh.
Wonder what that was about.

I told you, sweetie.
Everything's fine.

You don't sound fine, Mom.

Are you and dad fighting again?

- No, nothing like that.
- Well, then what?

Mom, it's me.

I'll put on some tea
and we can just talk, okay?

Things have been a little tight
lately, financially,

but we're fine. Really, sweetie.

Mom, why didn't you
say something?

You know I can help out.

Samantha.

- There.
- Turn it back, please,

before your father gets home.

Why? What's going on?

Samantha?

Dad?

What are you doing
in a Burger Mart shirt?

It's called
an honest day's work.

But the furniture store...
you've been there for 20 years.

Until you people turned
the Chicago corporate office

into a pile of rubble.

Ugh, God.
Why didn't you tell me?

Maybe you should have asked,
instead of flying off

to God knows where
doing God knows what.

All right, well,
I'm here now.

Okay? You don't have to work
some minimum wage job

like a teenager. I can give
you and mom whatever you want.

I've provided for this family
longer than you've been alive.

There. 24 karat.

- You can sell this and...
- Turn it back.

Ugh. You're being stubborn
for no reason.

I said change it back.

I have to run.

The Times wants to interview me
about my work in Chicago.

I will visit in a few days
to check in.

And make dad sell this. Bye.

Hi there. I'm calling

on behalf
of the Katy Giles campaign

to ask for your vote

in next month's
state comptroller election.

No, comptroller.

You know, overseeing budgets,
auditing state finances.

It's critical work and...

Hello? Hello?

I think you need a new slogan

that doesn't have the word
"audit" in it, or

"comptroller."

Local politics might not be as
sexy as flying around in tights,

but that doesn't mean you're
the only one saving the world.

See? That's a better slogan.

Shouldn't you be off
punching things into space?

Surprise.

I'm taking you to lunch.

Ooh. Unexpected,
but appreciated.

Let me go grab my bag.

There's this great Thai place
down the street.

Uh, I had
somewhere else in mind.

I said I'd be back at 1:30.

We're almost there.

♪ Lighter than air weighs,
cleaner than romance ♪

♪ And easier...

Okay. You can look now.

Oh... my God.

You brought me to Paris?

Sort of.

Is that a casino?

♪ All you need to know
is I'll find you there...

Okay, yeah,
so it's just Las Vegas,

okay?

You only get an hour for lunch,
and I can't fly you to Europe

that fast without
your skin ripping off, so...

Can I kiss you anyway?

You get an A for effort.

And for letting me
keep my skin on.

Well, I didn't want to get you
all the baggage

of dating a superhero
without any of the perks.

Mark,
I need you.

Give me a sec.

Dinner tonight instead?

Go save the world, Invincible.

Just make sure
the voice in your ear

isn't the only one
you listen to.

You're way too good for me.

Mm.
Also, I need to take you

back to work first.

- You're late.
- For what... low tide?

Something like that.

Turns out the Atlanteans
are sore about Omni-Man

murdering their king, Aquarus.

And since your dad vanished
like a fart in a hurricane,

Atlantean law dictates
that his sentence falls

to his next of kin. You.

That's a stupid law.

Maybe. But Atlantis
controls the oceans.

They've threatened to erase
the Eastern seaboard

if we don't deal with this.

You want me to go to war
against an entire

underwater civilization?

Who said anything about war?

According to Atlantean custom,
the only way to atone

for the king's murder
is to marry his widow.

What?

It's an honor,
if you think about it.

I can't marry a fish.
I have a girlfriend.

Relax. It's strictly symbolic.

All you have to do
is go through the ceremony.

Maybe kiss the bride.

Then all is forgiven and
everyone moves on. It's easy.

Okay, but, like,
will I have to, you know...

All right, what exactly
am I looking at?

Your ride.

Sorry, kid,
I got another fire to put out.

Good luck down there.
I'll be listening.

Talk to me.

It's the Lizard League, sir.

You called me back
for the Lizard League?

They've hit a bio-research lab
outside of Dallas.

How? We got King Lizard
rotting in a prison cell.

Uh, it appears

that Supreme Lizard has seized

control in his absence.

Send in the Guardians.

A-Are you sure they're ready?

If they can't take down
the Lizard League,

they'll never be ready.

Nope.

Not this bullshit again.

I'm not doing another me.

That me better not be you, Rudy.

It's not.

Who are you?

I call me... the Shapesmith.

Guardians.

Things usually this weird
around here?

You have no idea.

Whoa.

Wear this.

Welcome, son of he
who slayed my husband.

About that...

You will address her
as Your Majesty,

air-breather.

Right. Your Majesty,

it's an honor to meet you.

And I'm very sorry

for what my father did,

but I can't do this.

And definitely not here
in front of everyone.

Okay. Uh, Th-This is
kind of awkward, but

I have a girlfriend...
name is Amber...

and we're finally
in a good place,

so, even though, you know,

you seem super nice,

it-it just wouldn't
feel right to...

What do you speak of?

Isn't that why I'm here?
To be your new king?

Why would I need a king?

I commanded this kingdom
for a decade

while Aquarus played dress-up
with you humans.

Oh, then we're not
getting married?

We abolished
that barbaric custom.

What do you think we are,
savages?

Oh, my... Oh, thank God.

I mean, uh,
thank you, Your-Your Majesty.

G-Great.

So, what's the new law?

Trial by combat.

Release the Depth-Dweller!

Aw, man.

Wait, you want me to fight that?

Seems a little unfair.

Okay. I win. Can I go now?

Whoa.

Uh...

Oh, that makes a lot more sense.

Seriously?

Uh, if you're not
feeling ready...

- Paul.
- Yeah?

- Let's sell this bitch.
- Okay.

Oh, wow.

This place is adorable.

Hi.

So pleased to meet you.
Come on in.

And last

but not least, the living room.

I love it.

It looks recently renovated.

It looks like they didn't
even know what they were doing.

I-It was professionally redone
only two years ago.

When are you taking offers?

- Wednesday.
- Whoa!

- Slow down.
- I was just asking.

Yeah? Well, don't bother.

We're definitely
not offering on this place.

It's in our price range. We like
the location. The schools...

It's too far from the office.

You want me to
get home even later?

There's excellent local transit.

Of course I don't.
I just think...

It's not happening.

When you earn the money,

you can decide where we live.

She's not your pet.

What was that?

Did we mention
the spacious garage?

Why don't you all go ahead?
I'll meet you there in a jiffy.

Why don't you take
the rest of the day off?

I'll call you later.

What
the hell's going on down there?

Your file on Atlantean law
needs some serious updating.

- This wasn't the deal.
- Huh.

I'm pulling you out.
Backup's on the way.

Huh.

Oh, shit!

Talk to me, kid.

That... sound.

How far away is that backup?

Incoming.

Now's your chance.
Get out of there.

Huh?

Cecil, that thing got loose.
It's killing everyone.

Well they should have
thought about that before they

brought it home from the store.

I can't leave
those people to die.

They tried to kill you.
They were cheering.

All they wanted was justice
for what my dad did.

You're not your father, Mark.

That's why I'm going back.

Okay, now we can do this.

Um...

Aah!

Ugh... Ah...

You got lucky this time.

Lucky?

Atlantis is calling it even

since you saved
the Queen's life.

The next time
I give you an order,

you listen.

Pull up the audio
from that fight.

Get it to the boys in R & D.
I want a report in a week.

Yes, sir.

Sir, when Debbie came to speak
with you, she seemed, uh...

distressed when she...
when she saw me.

Well, she's a distressed person.

After the number
Nolan did on her,

who knows what's going
through her head.

Anything else, Donald?

No, sir.

Ugh.

Why would you do that?

We don't want your fake food

or your fake gold.

They're not fake.

But... I get it.

You had your job for years
and losing it must feel awful.

I know how hard you worked
to provide for mom and me.

No one is trying
to take that away from you.

But you got to
get over this stupid

"man of the house" thing.
I'm trying to help.

Oh, yeah?

Like you helped Chicago?

- Adam, don't.
- What?

The whole lot

was unstable, that's why

the city never built there.

It's a miracle
nobody was killed.

This is what happens
when you think rules

are just for us
pathetic normal people.

Your powers
don't make you a hero.

They make you dangerous.

I have to go.

Don't come back until
you've figured that out.

Fuck you, motherfucker!

And over here
is our training room.

Wow. Look at all those...

those things.

Ooh why don't you show him
the shower, Immortal?

It's super roomy.

You could do anything
in there, right?

And you all get to live here?

Play your cards right
and maybe you can, too, someday.

The Guardians could use
someone with your talents.

Really?

Forgive me for questioning
your authority, Immortal,

but we don't know anything
about the Shapesmith.

I can tell you.

I can tell you. I can tell you.

I was born a baby human,

right here
on the planet of Earth.

I got my superpowers
in a random industrial accident.

I swore to use my abilities
for good and to help people

and to protect my planet,
no matter what.

Because I am a normal

human superhero.

Am I in?

Yes,
we were defeated. Yes,

it was embarrassing.

Yes, it was my plan.

But we are not a joke,

no matter what
social media says.

We are the Lizard League,

and we are unstoppable.

We're unstoppable.
We're unstoppable.

And under my leadership,

instead of that fool,
King Lizard,

we will rise again,

any day now!

All hail Supreme Lizard.

All hail S...

If anyone is going to

turn this organization around,

it's going to be King Lizard.

Any objections?

Why should I tell you anything?

Who the hell are you, anyway?

Think of me as an old friend.

An old friend who can help you,

given your current predicament.

Fine.

They were smart.

After our ultimatum,
they ambushed my dad

with experimental quantum bombs.

Still cost them most of Europe.

Then they just...

wore me down.

Caught me when I finally
had to sleep.

Hmm. Interesting.

- Freeze!
- Who the hell are you?

- That's what I said.
- Me? I'm not your problem.

Then whose problem are you?

His. Well, not his, but...

...close enough.

Make him pay for what he did
to your world.

What?

Stop. Hey, you promised
you'd help me. Hey.

Don't leave me here! Hey!