Insecure (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Hella Open - full transcript

So, who initiated the sex?

- Him.
- Have y'all spoken since?

- It's unclear.
- Bitch, are you a magic eight ball?

What that mean?

Does that mean he
broke up with that girl?

What, what girl?

- I think her name is Tasha.
- It's not about her,

and I don't want to be petty.

- You cannot sleep here.
- Tasha, I slept with my ex.

It was a mistake and
you don't deserve that.

The apartment has two
bedrooms, one bath.



You hear that, Brian
McKnight? Two bedrooms.

One for you sleep in and
one for your feelings.

I know as black women it
can feel like there's a lot

- thing stacked against us.
- It's an all boys club.

Whatever I got to do to get
in I'll just figure it out.

I just talked to Lawrence.
He found a new apartment.

Lawrence said that he's
done. I'm sorry, Iss.

Ben, you're so stupid.

- You got a sexy laugh, you know that?
- Nuh-uh.

Yeah.

- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

It tickles.

Cool.

I'm sorry.



That's that sexy laugh you like.

You ain't gotta keep laughing.

Oh, I know. That's...
that's the last time.

Are you... you all right?

No, I'm... I'm sorry.

It's just your fingers are...

It's weird. It's so weird.

Um, I'm sorry.

Can we... can we do this another time?

Uh, I don't know.

I mean, I kind of thought this
was, like, a sure shot, so.

Yeah, I... I did, too.

I'm sorry to disappoint you.

You know what? I'll get out of here.

I can never tell if it's inside out.

I got this from the swap meet.

You know what? I'll just...

Thank you so much for your hospitality.

Uh, it's your bedroom.

Heh, we didn't make it there.

Here?

I can't... your finger...

Tsk, fuck you, McDougan Management.

They ain't about shit.

That party was on, though.

Absolutely. You know,
that sounds great, Hannah.

And discovery's complete on Sycamore,

and I e-mailed Merrill about
the summary judgment motion,

but he hasn't responded.

Well, we all know how that goes.

Just hang in there. I have
to hop on another call.

- Quentin, can you fill Molly in?
- Absolutely.

Molly, I will see you
when you're here next week.

And, look, I gotta go soon, too.

The sun is actually shining today

and I'm going to the beach.

Okay, don't call it a beach.

You know it's not the beach.

See, you can get disbarred here
for saying something like that.

Well, out here, you can get
promoted for being an asshole, so.

Well, you better not let them hear you.

Aw, man. You stupid, fool!

You see this?

I'm so glad to hear you say that.

I've been thinking a lot
about how we can balance

the classroom's demographics.

Wait, what? Demographics?

We're finally getting
consistent numbers.

Yeah, but the numbers are all...

they're black.

Is this the Gotcha thing?

Yes, it is! Welcome.

If you need a place to study

or you need tutoring...

Mr. Gaines sent us. He
said you had extra space.

Yes, we do. But do you have any friends

or, like, amigos, amigas?

Okay, listen, why don't you find a seat

and we'll be by in a few
to see how we can help.

All right.

So, Mr. Gaines is... is...

Trying to look out for us?

Yeah! Yeah, he is!

And at least now

we have students we can actually help.

It's not that I'm not happy
that we have more kids,

but the school's 86% Latino

and the attendance doesn't reflect that.

Frieda, we have to start
somewhere, all right?

I don't know why you're trying so hard

to turn our success into failure,

but just take the W!

Hey, you guys good?

Yeah.

What are you studying? What do you need?

Colin, enough with the chips.

They're not chips, they're Chirps.

- Made from crickets.
- I don't care.

You know, I actually tried
crickets once in Phuket.

- They're high in protein.
- You know what else it's high in?

Fucking crickets.

Whatever.

I gotta go take a tinkle.

Is that what he said after you two...?

Shut up!

- Did you...
- Hook up with a dude who eats bugs?

Yes, she did.

It was Startup Saturday, so fuck you.

I don't know what that is,

but that is not a good enough excuse.

It's some mixer thing.
Trust me, it's depressing.

All the guys are
disgusting or lame as shit.

It's true. You'd freaking clean up.

Uh, yeah, I don't know about that.

Actually, there is
another one this Saturday.

- You should come.
- Yeah, I'd love to,

but I promised someone that
I would pick up some chairs.

It's for a family barbecue.

This just keeps getting sadder.

Next time, though! Yo, I'm there.

Mm-hmm.

Whatever.

Just use the note cards, Mom.

You don't have to memorize the vows.

He's already married to you.

You can wear your glasses.
Dad knows you wear glasses.

Mom, I have to go.
Mm-hmm, I love you. Bye.

Should I give the
bookcase to him to load?

To who?

Oh, no, he's not... We're not together.

- I got it.
- It's pretty heavy.

It's cool. I got it.

Okay, um...

Just gonna...

Okay, mm-hmm.

Excuse me, do you mind?

Just move it, yeah, a
little bit back further.

Thank you. Mm-hmm.

- Hey.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Thanks.
- Thanks, man. Okay, baby.

And...

- All right.
- You wanna drive?

But, wait, you're putting
therapy on pause till when?

Till I find another therapist.

I mean, Dr. Rhonda was
always putting her shit on me.

Just because we both got brown titties.

Okay, wait. What?

"Put shelf 25 in 7C"?

- I don't know...
- Hey, girl, you know what?

You do this part and
I will do this part.

But, like, on the real, though,

you gonna keep looking, though, right?

'Cause there's plenty of
brown titties in the sea.

Oh, you got jokes?

Okay.

Because there's plenty of brown dicks

in the sea, too.

But you ain't got one.

Okay, first of all,
trying to fuck is hard.

No, it's not. It's like riding a bike.

Yeah, I don't know
how to do that either.

Like, I kept on thinking,
"What if he's not good?

Or what if I'm not good?"

And... I don't know, I'm
just stuck in my own head.

Well, what you think therapy is?

I'm stuck in my head
talking to a stranger.

At least you get the
option to fuck at the end.

Yeah, but you chose not to be out here.

But it's not like I don't want somebody.

Then, girl, get yours.

I should.

We should.

I mean, we were supposed
to do this ho shit together.

Girl, I always wanted
to have a ho phase.

But then I met Lawrence and he made me

fall in love with him and shit.

Tsk, yeah, y'all did
get boo'd up real quick.

You know what? Fuck love, okay?

Fuck getting to know these niggas.

Fuck feeling feelings.

I just wanna be on my
Halle Berry shit, okay?

I just wanna feel good.

Cool, cool, cool. Well, can you
fuck with my bookshelf, though?

- Mm.
- Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

Hey...

let's go somewhere tonight.

Can you teach me how to ho?

Bitch, that's rude.

And, yes.

Look at all these hos all
extra thirsty to find a dude.

Uh, I'm looking at one right now.

Girl, I'm not out here
looking like these...

You know what? We need to go
somewhere where we're the exotic ones.

Where? Like Des Moines?

No, like another country.

No, seriously, I've been thinking

we need to get away
with just the two of us.

We haven't done that since I was single.

Oh, hold up. Green
shirt. That's all you.

Already?

I was gonna order the catfish basket.

Girl, will you hurry
your slow-walking ass up?

It's my sexy walk.

I knew I shouldn't have
fucked with these wedges.

- Wow, that seems hard.
- Not really.

It's construction.

I bet you're... you're
really good with your drill.

- Excuse me?
- Hmm?

Pssh.

Mm-hmm.

No, he had a phone call.
It was... it was important.

So, if you had the chance to, like,

get out of here and go home alone

or go home with somebody here,

like, what would you decide?

Look, my friend sent me over here

just so he could get
some time with your girl.

Do you have any other friends?

- You... okay. All right.
- No.

Saw you sitting by yourself.

I figured I'd come by and say hello.

I'm just... I'm just
looking out for my friend.

Well, you're a good friend.

Not a great listener, but good friend.

I can be both.

Can I get your number?

Sure.

Oh, you're hitting me
with the business card?

- Mm.
- Okay, all right.

Uh, I'll earn it.

So, girl, how'd you do?

I got these wings.

So, then, Eric gonna ask Shaniece,

"Well, how come you not
gonna make your potato salad?"

Do you know what she said?

Wait, who is Shaniece?

Do I need to make you some flash cards?

- No, I'm good, I'm good.
- Okay.

Hey, did we ever finish

watching that "Shark
Tank" from last week?

See, I wish Daymond
could be in every episode.

- Mm-hmm.
- I don't why they make him alternate

with that Peter Pan-looking white lady.

Boy, stop!

Are you even listening to me?

Of course.

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

T-G-I-T!

Get it, Viola.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Yeah, no, it should be fine.
I can just look it over.

Plus, you know, I'm seeing Hannah in
Chicago next week, so I can get clarity.

Damn, wish I could sneak
vacations in Chicago, too.

Well, you already vacation here
at work, so what's the difference?

- Ouch.
- I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm just stressing. All this extra work.

Okay.

Good news, ladies.

I heard from Vice
Principal Gaines earlier,

and he could not have been more excited

about the progress we're
making at East 41st Street.

Um... just curious.

Have you gotten feedback
from anyone else?

No, but Mr. Gaines did say

attendance in your
classroom has doubled.

It has, and it's beautiful.

All right, then. Well done.

And, Issa, I gotta hand it to you.

You were right to hang in there.

Oh, well, it was a team effort.

You know, I couldn't have
done it without Frieda.

You totally could've.

Things happen without me all the time.

Whatever you're doing, keep it up.

We will. All the way up.

So, I called this girl cute,

told her how much I liked her dress,

and then she threw
spaghetti right in my face.

Oh, my God, your niece is so adorable!

- Thank you.
- And I wish one of my brothers

would get it together and have a kid.

I'm ready to be an aunt.

- What, you like kids?
- Yeah, I do.

But right now, I'm mostly
into borrowing them.

Yeah, me, too.

- Giving them back's always the best part.
- Right?

That, and they listen
to everything I say.

Oh, my God, are they looking for a job?

Because I need a new assistant.

Hey, I'll work for you.

Please.

You own your own business doing
what, marketing consulting?

- Yeah, it's kind of the best job.
- Hmm.

I tell companies what to
do and then I get to leave.

It's not as sexy as it sounds.

Yeah, no, it doesn't sound sexy at all.

I gotta tell you how
much I vibe with you.

I'm real glad we skipped
this whole awkward first date.

Yeah.

This is fun.

Do you ever wish that you could just

fast-forward to the part where
you're married and settled

and life's all figured out?

Yeah. Tell me about it.

Cheers.

Yeah.

Oh! It ain't even
started yet and I'm done.

- Thanks for coming.
- Ah, no problem.

Mwah!

- Yo, so these chairs?
- Yeah.

- Oh, they got it.
- Okay. Oh, yeah... ow, my finger.

Yep.

- So, you Lawrence, huh?
- Yes, sir.

Oh, Lawrence, this my play uncle, Jesse.

Nice to meet you.

All right, now.

- Welcome.
- Uh, thank you.

Hey, bruh, help me
hook up these speakers.

Oh, are we allowed to
play music in the park?

Oh, you one of them
rule-following-ass niggas, huh?

Nigga, hand me the plug.

Okay, yep. This... this one right here?

- Oh, baby?
- There you go.

Mimi is here. Could you
help her out the van, please?

- Uh, yeah, yeah.
- Thank you.

I got it. Thank you. Thank you.

- Hey!
- Hey.

You good?

- Uh, yeah.
- Okay.

I gotta go do this work
thing, but I'll be right back.

Oh. Okay.

- All right.
- Mwah.

- All right. All right.
- See you later.

Um, can I have a chocolate
one and a caramel one?

Yeah, and I'll pay for hers.

Oh, my... Dro, hey!

- Candice!
- Hey, girl.

I see you are still trying
to work those ugly colors.

- But you're cute, though.
- Ha, okay. You know what?

I didn't even wear this on purpose,
but just like a Delta to hate.

- Mm.
- So, what, y'all just gonna roll

to my cupcake spot and not
tell anybody you in town?

- Oh.
- That's my fault.

Uh-huh.

He was only supposed to
be in town on business

for a few hours, but I wanted to
tag along and turn it into a weekend.

Aw.

Yeah, and we coming up here
again next weekend, right?

- For Kiss-n-Grind. You going?
- I mean, I don't know. Maybe.

I'll ask Issa.

Oh, you're still ordering
one for "your friend" at home?

- Bruh, she only needs one fork.
- You know what? Shut up!

How do you even put up with this?

- He's a full idiot.
- Yeah, but she chose the right one.

Thank you.

- Thank you for my cupcakes.
- Of course.

Good seeing you, girl. Oh, tell
your brothers I say, "What's up?"

- Oh, of course.
- Yeah.

- I'll see you guys. Bye.
- Bye, girl.

What you want? What I'm
gonna be putting on you?

Ooh, that Almond Joy look good.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, ooh. Shit!

Okay, Eddie. I see you.

Hey, girl.

- How was your brunch?
- Um, it was good.

Whoa, that was some
high-pitched fakeness.

What you mean?

You don't sound excited about him.

Lionel is great.

We want a lot of the same things.

I mean, he got a five-year plan,

he's attractive, he's
smart, he making money.

But?

But I just don't know what it is!

It's, like, on paper, he's
amazing, but I don't know.

- Well, what don't you know?
- It's like with Dro and Candice.

I just ran into them
at the cupcake shop.

Ooh, which two did you get?

Bitch, who cares?

Chocolate and caramel?

Yes, but the point is,

like, Dro didn't have
no five-year plan.

Hell, he didn't even
have a five-day plan.

Yeah, Dro was a mess.

Right? But he just went with the flow

and he found the perfect person.

With Lionel...

I feel like he was just
checking off his boxes.

Get into a relationship, check.

- Hmm.
- What?

He sounds kind of like you.

Damn.

I was out there like that?

Issa?

- Issa?
- Oh, God.

I think I passed out real
quick from these paint fumes.

Bitch, open a window.

Mm-hmm, you right.

Even I feel weird doing this.

Lawrence!

- Hey!
- Hey, man.

- You made it!
- Yeah.

Hi.

Yo, I gotta say Startup
Saturday goes pretty hard.

Ooh-hoo-hoo, wait till it gets dark.

That's when things get desperate.

Why? 'Cause everyone's drunk?

Yep, and drunk people
make stupid decisions.

I'm gonna go find the
stupid decision section.

- See you guys.
- I'm just messing.

You can't have my joy.

Oh. Oh, hey. What's good?

Hey, um, I found this
extra charger at my house

and I thought you might've
left it during my party.

Oh, oh, shit, yeah.

Yeah, that's definitely me.

Cool.

Oh, you listening to KYLE?

Yeah.

You smoke?

- I love it.
- Well, come on in.

- Come on, Polio Boy!
- No way!

No, I tried to run five miles
one time. My legs gave out.

Okay, so what's your deal?

Uh, what do you mean?

- Are you single?
- Mm.

I'm dating.

Oh, so you're fucking
anything that moves.

- Oh.
- No.

Speaking of...

Can I get you anything?

Ooh, I'll take a White
Russian with almond milk.

Um, no, thank you.

I actually have to take off soon.

Oh, that's too bad.

You know what? Um...

I'll get a round for the
table. What do you guys want?

- Tequila.
- Shots.

There you go.

Shots? That's what we doing?

- If you're buying. Salut!
- That's what we're doing? All right.

I've been watching "Gossip Girl."

I'm almost done.

Dominguez Library is missing season 5,

but luckily 6 still makes sense.

Oh, cool, yeah. This seems great.

I should get into it.

You should.

Blake Lively's doing her thing.

Is that the white girl?

Oh, I guess they're all white.

Yeah. Yeah, white people.

There's so many of them.

It's good to see them doing they thing.

♪ Put your doubts to the
side, get his ass in the bed ♪

♪ Even if it's wack, you
could still get some head ♪

♪ Go for it, go for it, go ♪

♪ Ho for it, ho for it, ho ♪

♪ Do you want that dick or no? ♪

♪ You better go for
it, go for it, ho. ♪

Oh, fuck!

Fuck! I'm so sorry.

No, it's... It's all good.

- I'm so embarrassed.
- No, it's all right.

- Are you okay?
- Don't worry. Yeah.

I actually like it a little rough.

- Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
- No, no, I've got it.

- I got you.
- Okay.

Um, I was thinking,

would you mind if I titty-fucked you?

Uh, I'd like to respectfully decline.

Okay, well, thank you
for being so respectful.

They're tapered cut, so.

Okay.

Oh.

Yeah. Let's hold it
right there for a moment.

You know, put these legs on up.

- Just like this?
- Yeah, in the ear.

- Oh, we're doing this?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Feel free.
- Just like...?

You know, right around there.

Let me just... just
move my head right here.

- No, no, you good.
- Let me just... prop up.

I'm sorry. No, keep doing it.

Yeah. Oh!

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I hope it wasn't...

Um, you know what?

You know what would be great?
If we tried another position.

Oh, yeah, yeah. All right.

- Ooh.
- Bounce on it.

Ooh.

Okay.

Hmm.

Does this work for you?

Yeah, that's perfect.

Okay, and then if someone
in your circle wants to join,

you get a notification
that goes "woot woot."

Oh, my God, I love it!

Hey, y'all wanna check
out the patio downstairs?

Woot woot!

- Wait, right now?
- Yeah.

- No? What just happened?
- Hello?

Lawrence, what... What happened?

Hey, is that Rules? What up, Rules?

Uh, yo, hang on for a sec.

Hey.

Uh, sorry.

I'm still at this work thing.

I mean, actually, it's more
like a work-drinks thing.

I guess I just had one too many,

and I don't wanna get a DUI, you know.

If you didn't wanna come, you
should have just told me that.

No, it's not that. I just...

Honestly...

I'm just not looking to
get into anything serious.

You know, I just got out
of a relationship and...

Wait, hold on, hold on.

Are you for real right now?

What?

My whole family was here
and you just ghosted.

Do you know how embarrassing that was?

Yeah, all right, I'm sorry.

I know how much you
wanted me to be there.

Quit acting like you give
a fuck about what I want.

Yo, Tasha.

You don't think I knew what this was?

I knew it wasn't nothing serious.

But, see, you fronted like it was.

Apologizing for shit you
wasn't even sorry for.

No, I was sorry.

You... you a fuck nigga.

Yo, come on.

No, you know what?

You worse than a fuck nigga.

You a fuck nigga who
thinks he's a good dude.

Hey.

Coming back downstairs?

- Yeah.
- Come on.

Yeah.

Yo, Gary's lit.

You don't gotta go if you don't want to.

I mean, you can stay over.

Oh, I'm good. Thank you.

Cool.

See you around.

Yeah, for sure.