Insecure (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Hella Great - full transcript

♪ My time ain't long ♪

♪ And it sure ain't free ♪

♪ If you're gonna
move it on, do it now ♪

♪ Put that lovin' on me ♪

♪ Scared money don't make none... ♪

I'm... glad we're finally
getting the chance to talk.

You know, I get why you
did what you did now.

And it hurts, but...

Hopefully, we can move past it.

What?

I said, are you originally from here?



Oh, yeah. I grew up in Windsor Hills,
but I live in Inglewood now.

- You live near here?
- Yep, born and raised.

- So, where you from?
- Honestly, it doesn't matter what I say

- 'cause this isn't going anywhere.
- Oh, yeah?

I used to work in Inglewood.
I'm in Cerritos now.

High school kids? That sounds tough.

- You like working with kids?
- So, how is it working with kids?

To be honest, fuck them!

But I'm trash, too, so... you know?

So, how long have you been on Hinge?

- Mmm...
- How long you been on Bumble?

How are you still single?

I'm a liar, sweetie.
I cheat on niggas, too.

I do! Probably shouldn't trust me
or I'll hurt your feelings, boo.



I don't wanna be here,
but my ex won't take me back,

so my broken ass is here,
small talkin' over apps.

Put it down, girl.

I'm so dead inside,
nigga, I cry every day.

You should get the check and
here's the tip... Check...

run away!

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm... I'm great.

All right. Do you need another...

- Whoa-ho!
- Oh, my G...!

♪ I'm gonna hit the ceiling ♪

♪ Hands up on the wall ♪

♪ On it, on it... ♪

Yeah, you know,
I've been working late a lot,

but otherwise, everything's fine.

You know, I feel like

I'm exactly where I
should be in my career.

Oh, that's great.

So, how are things with your
family? You mentioned that

your brothers tend to be
a little bit all over the place.

No, I think we're fine.

We're good.

We haven't talked much about
your life outside of work.

Is there anything there
you'd like to discuss?

No, not really.

Well, whenever you're ready
to open up, just let me know,

or we could switch seats and
I could tell you my issues.

Thanks, I... I really appreciate that.

She's trying to get all deep,
trying to get all in my business.

Girl, that's what they supposed to do.

I mean, we just started
working together,

but I at least like that she's black.

- She sounds better than the other one.
- True.

I definitely spent an entire session

trying to explain what
"being woke" was to Dr. Rosenberg.

And then I said "nigga"
in front of Dr. Connors

and he wanted to use
the rest of the time

- trying to "unpack that."
- Mm-mm.

I'm just trying to be really open-minded

and give this whole therapy shit a shot.

Well, the only way you're gonna
know is if you stick it out.

Shit, if I had insurance, I wouldn't...

Girl, Grey sweatpants eyeing
you at 2:00, 7:00, 3:15.

Girl, I don't know. He on
the move! Just look!

What? Oh, him?

Okay, I see you with the
superhuman nigga repellent.

- You focused!
- I know, right? It's been a minute.

One day I looked over, my dick
meter was all the way on E.

Join the club, bitch. Dick on E.

Bank account on E.

Life on E.

Stop. I'm fine.

Nope. Malibu, bitch. Be honest.

I am! I'm way better than
I was a couple months ago.

I'm just tired of this
dating shit, girl.

It's so much fucking work.

All the messages I gotta send.

I gotta be cute and careful
and witty and charming.

It's a lot.

I mean, not if you just trying to fuck.

- And I compare every dude to Lawrence.
- Well, that's expected.

He probably still hates me.

- But it's fine...
- Girl, he does not hate you.

I mean, he still responds to
your text messages, right?

It's all bills and
apartment shit, though.

Girl, he won't even
come pick up his mail

because he doesn't wanna see me.

You know what? I just
want us to be cool.

I don't even want him back.

It's okay if you do.

But real talk, though?
Guys always want you back

when they know you're
doing good without them.

Look at you, unpacking my shit.

Molly: Ha! You're an idiot.

♪ She see money all around me ♪

♪ I look like I'm the man ♪

♪ Yeah, but I was down
and out like last week... ♪

Lawrence: Yeah?

- Tasha: Oh, yes, yes, yes! Oh!
- Yeah!

Zaddy!

Oh, Zaddy!

- Oh!
- Aw, sh...

What?

You said "daddy" with a "Z"?

- You hate it?
- No. I love it.

It's just funny.

Mm.

Yo, should I start calling you "Zommy"?

That don't even go.

- No, you leaving?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I've been
in your space all weekend.

- I gotta go.
- Okay.

Hey, you wanna get together Thursday?

Uh, nah, Thursday's no good,

but I could do Friday after work.

Mmm.

Okay.

Maybe I'll be here.

You'll be here.

Mm!

Bye.

Ninny, what's the meaning of this?

- A book?
- Oh, listen.

I just don't know
what you mean, Ms. Massa.

Ninny, so help me...

... if this is anything
more than a cookbook,

there will be consequences!

The footless kind.

Oh, bitch! Let the bitch read!

My bad!

I saw some spots today.

- You find something?
- Nah, not yet.

But give me a few
weeks, though. I'll be out.

Yeah, you gonna move
back in with ol' girl?

Relax, man. I'm fucking with you.

What, you going to sleep already?

Yeah, I'm tired, man.

All that fucking, huh?
I didn't know you had it in you, bro.

- Good for you.
- What you mean?

Man, you got your new
shit down to a science.

You roll in on Friday,
smash all weekend,

bounce out on Sunday.
It's low maintenance, efficient,

- all upside.
- It's not even like that. She's cool.

You don't even take the bitch out.
You know how much

- money I spend on Leah?
- Cloth napkins and shit.

Yo, you don't know what
you're talkin' about.

All right? We're both having fun.

No pressure.

Hmm.

Pressure busts pipes.

Announcer: Next time on "Due North."

♪ There's a life outside I didn't know ♪

♪ Tied up, falling down
to an empty soul... ♪

♪ And Lord knows that this
love has taken toll ♪

♪ I've given all of my
love to this broken home ♪

♪ So why don't you lose
yourself for me? ♪

- Are you catching any of this?
- No.

Okay.

Hey, everyone, in case you forgot,

we will be in the library
from 3:30 to 5:30.

Yeah, and we have everything you need.

We have calculators,
we have iPads, Smart boards.

- We can get those, right?
- No.

Frieda: Line up and...

- Guys, we have everything you need!
- ...we can walk together!

Um, you guys wanna come?

No? Okay, next time.
I'm Frieda. Nice to meet you.

No? Okay.

- Thank you, too. Okay.
- Oh, okay.

- Next time.
- Hi, Ms. Alvarez.

- Uh, yes, I was just leaving.
- Okay, I won't be long.

We'd just really love your help

in convincing some of
your students to stay.

Do we need to tailor our curriculum
to be more culturally specific?

Culturally... I'm an art teacher

and they have me teaching geometry.

So I have to go review chapter 6.

And 1 through 5.

Oh, that's a lot.

Hey, so we have zero students,

and our teacher still
only speaks Spanish.

Yeah, we asked her to learn
English and she didn't.

This school is a disaster.

Diane: If I didn't have to
go to Jamal's work thing,

you know I would totally
do this call myself.

I asked Kevin and Tim,
but they took the day off.

Lumineers concert.

No problem.

Oh, are you bringing a gift
to Hannah's goodbye thing?

I can pick her up something nice
and put both our names on it.

- Yeah?
- You're the best.

I was thinking maybe, like,
experience gift or something.

Yeah, I don't know.

Automated voice:
You are now being connected.

There are six other callers on the line.

Hi, this is Molly Carter with
Merrill, Johnson & Schwartz.

Woman on phone: Oh, hi, Molly.
Diane brought you up to speed?

She sure did.

Great. Welcome. We've got Eric Blackwell

and Anthony from research...

... and conference
Saunders on the line.

We're hoping to keep this brief.

Our main objective on this call

is to cross-reference our
strategies on Sycamore

and to make sure we're
all on the same page.

Sorry, I thought you were on the phone.

- The major output...
- Oh!

... the split in authority on class

action waivers and
arbitration clauses. We also

wanna make sure we're effectively
managing client expectations.

Um, it seems like we already
know what our client wants.

We just need to determine what
jurisdiction this matter falls under.

Agreed.

But we also should continue to explore

whether or not there's a
settlement to be reached here.

It's... it's possible that
talking to this arbitrator

puts us in a weaker position
than using evidence.

We have to persuade...

♪ You're giving me those morning blues ♪

♪ Used to be your world,
now I'm not your girl ♪

♪ You're making me feel the blues ♪

♪ Used to be your world,
now I'm not your girl ♪

♪ You're giving me those morning blues ♪

♪ Used to be your world,
now I'm not your girl ♪

♪ You're making me feel the blues... ♪

♪ You gotta get this mail,
you gotta get this mail ♪

♪ Or you gonna go to jail,
you gonna go to jail! ♪

Ms. Trudy: Bitch, you better
get the fuck up off my mail!

Uh, Ms. Trudy, it's me.

Oh, Issa.

Hi, baby.

What you think about Wayne Brady?

- Uh, he's cool...
- 'Cause I don't trust him!

Uh, me neither.

Okay, bye.

Put some lotion on those ankles.

Okay!

- Yep?
- Issa: Hey!

- You good? You busy?
- Nope.

Looking at vacation fights.

Ready to get the entire
fuck up out of here!

Shit, I'll go with you.
But in the meantime, I be feeling

real good lately, you know?
And I was thinking about

doing one of those Wine Downs
like how we used to do.

Back when we used to watch
"I Love New York" and drink Moscato?

Yep! But how do you feel

about making it a plus-one party?

Hey, we can have everybody
roll through, bring a single friend,

and then just, boom, unions everywhere.

What you think?

Whoo!

You know I'm always
down for a Wine Down.

And I could use one, bad.

Aw! Well, how 'bout tomorrow night?

Yep. I'll bring a case. Or two.

♪ You're my best friend
I wish that I could hug you ♪

♪ You buy the best wine, I hope... ♪

Mm-mm.

Hello?

Okay.

_

We're seeing double the attendance
this year at Audubon Middle.

Engagement is extremely high,

and we've also been teaching
them how to write resumés.

Um, I think they're a
little young for resumés.

- But extra credit over here is just...
- Okay, this is great.

Issa, where are we
with East 41st Street?

Kitty's reports say you have
no interest and no attendance?

Mm, yet.

But we are working on
making the faculty aware

of how we can help
alleviate their struggles.

Oh, they're aware;
they're just not receptive.

We just haven't
connected with them yet.

Uh, yeah.

They just have so much going
on at East 41st Street.

If only we had a Latino staff
who could connect with them.

- Issa: Oh, okay, I think...
- I thought she was Mexican.

I told you. Mm-mm.

No, I've heard her
speak Spanish, I think.

... but despite all the difficulties...

I know you guys are working hard,

but I don't know if
this is gonna pan out.

Issa, Frieda, let's talk
new options tomorrow.

Sarah and Kitty, I'm moving
you guys to Peary Middle.

- Yes!
- Joanne: Thanks.

- Where's that?
- A good place.

_

Joanne!

Joanne?

I don't think we should give up yet.

I love that you wanna try this school,

but we have run into
this problem before.

High schools are tough,
middle schoolers just show up.

- Older kids push back.
- I get that,

but isn't it our job to make things work

even when it's difficult?

All right,

but if I don't start to see some
progress soon, we are moving on.

Okay. No, great. Thank you.

And remember, as someone once said,

you can do it if you
put your back into it.

- Mm.
- ♪ Yeah, yeah... ♪

- Ice Cube?
- ♪ Get your ass up and hurry ♪

♪ Unh ♪

♪ Ice Cube, baby ♪

♪ 99, baby ♪

♪ I'm on the grind, baby... ♪

But how do you deal with
the Chicago winters?

Really big jackets.

Plus, I never go outside.

Do you think the cold has anything to do

with how violent it is out there?

Because I get it.

- Okay.
- Hey, Diane,

we didn't get our bonuses early, did we?

Oh, my God, no way. I wish.

Well, where's Travis?

Mm. I saw him at the bar.

Oh, I see him. I'll be right back.

- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.

- What you drinking?
- Uh, everything 'cause it's free.

Since the partners are drunk tonight,

I'm, uh, thinking about putting
a buzz in their ear for a raise.

Oh, okay. Right.

You've been buzzing already?

About a raise?

What, so they can expect
even more out of me?

Fuck, no!

You guys, are my cheeks red?
Are my ears red?

I feel like I'm getting too
drunk to be at work drunk.

- Do I look...? No?
- You're fine.

- Okay.
- Oh, here we go.

Everyone, can I have
your attention, please?

Hannah: Thank you. I...
I really, really appreciate this.

It's... it's really too much!

Now, everyone who has worked with Hannah

knows that she is truly, truly a force.

Am I right? I mean, really just...

Yeah, a force that they forced out.

Stop it! God.

- Excuse me.
- Why is everybody pretending

the Chicago office is not a step down?

- What are you talking about?
- She couldn't handle the pressure.

- The partners could tell.
- Uh, I doubt that.

She was always working
later than anybody.

If anything, she's leaving
because she didn't feel valued.

Well, then she should've said something.

Closed mouth, no food.

Right, 'cause everyone
automatically listens to a woman

when she opens her mouth.

Hannah: ... if you don't mind,
I just wanna thank...

♪ Brushed my hair, went downstairs ♪

♪ Favorite jeans on my rear... ♪

I am so glad you made it.

I really missed you.
You haven't changed a bit.

But I have. I'm not a cheater anymore.

No, I just... I love how
we can joke about this.

Oh, hey! I forgot you
were coming. I'm humbled.

Oh, this? It's just a party.

My life!

Oh, hey. Here's your jury duty.

And here's your jury booty.

♪ So what, I got an attitude... ♪

Lorenzo, I'm coming to the hot tub!

Can we just pray together?
Lorenzo, stop... shut up!

Stop playing! Jesus,

thank you for blessing us with humility.

Niggas on niggas on niggas.

Love. Remember these?

And fornication. Not yet.
That was too far.

This reminds me of the
fifth day of Kwanzaa.

♪ Attitude, attitude,
attitude, attitude... ♪

Oobija. Do you remember when
you still actually loved me?

Ilani. I fucked it all up.

Booyakasha. You want
a taste. You want a taste.

♪ When they ask me where I've been ♪

♪ Busy, busy, what, what, what, what? ♪

Amen.

I shouldn't drink anything
else, though. Like, legit.

Look at our plus-ones over
there looking all cute.

- And we're so good at this.
- Well, I'm good at this, too.

Look, if Logan don't find
nobody at this party,

then we gonna find each
other. Ain't that right?

Yup! We can get weird.

#Wedo.

Y'all good? Y'all want
some more Carlo Rossi?

No, girl. I thought this
was a grown-up Wine Down.

Why don't we open my Napa Valley wine?

And I brought a wine opener just
in case you didn't have one.

I have one...

- Now.
- I'll take some. Thank you.

Issa, Jeff was just telling me

that his grandma grew up
in Windsor Hills, too.

Oh, really? That's crazy!

Issa: Oh, hey!

You actually came with your flaky ass.

Don't be mad at me for living
a rich and fulfilling life.

- Where that Rossi at, though?
- Uh, Ahmal, where is your plus-one?

Oh, he's my plus-one.

Your brother is your plus-one?

- Girl, what?
- You said we have a lot in common.

Ahmal, did you call Mom back?

- Nah.
- Me neither. See?

- Hey, bro, what up?
- Good to see you, man.

- Tiffany!
- Ahmal!

Look at you, looking the flyest.

And look at you with your coat.

And look at you with your...

Shut the fuck up!

Yeah.

You ready?

Oh, so Sheila's still talking
about her foot surgery?

Still. Just any excuse not to stand.

And she still giving
out them dollar coins.

Don't nobody want them Sacagaweas.

How's the apartment search going?

My cousin got a Westside Rentals
password if you want that.

No, that's all right.

Chad's helping me look.

Sound like he pressing you to get out.

Nah, it's his fiancé, though.

What's wrong?

I just hate moving.

You know, it's stressful
and I still got a bunch of stuff

to take care of at my old spot.

For real? Like what?

You know, just odds and ends.

What's stopping you?

Time. You know, just finding the time.

Girl, you wanna go in on some of
those popcorn shrimp rolls, though?

Oh, thank you!

I was only here trying to be cute,
but I am still hungry as hell.

♪ Lookin' like I caught a lick ♪

♪ Caught a lick, run up
on me, you get hit... ♪

And then I saw this
white nigga's paycheck.

Fuck, no!

Y'all been there the
same amount of time?

Yup. But, I mean, what
am I supposed to do?

I can't just roll up to
the partners and be like,

"Hey, guys, so I accidentally noticed

"that you're paying this
white man more than me."

- Wait, what? What happened?
- This is so typical.

My aunt found out she made less
than some of her white employees.

- Molly: Stop.
- Spoke up about it.

Nothing happened.
She still has to work there.

Man, fuck that. I'm one of
the best lawyers they have.

I'm not one of these work-twice-as-hard,

- _
- pay-me-half-as-much type of bitches...

- Nah!
- Kelli: Mm-mm,

That's why I make sure my white
clients get less on their tax returns.

It's reparations. That's what that is.

I feel like Robin Hood.
You know what I mean?

- It's the facts.
- It's just facts!

I don't care if I get in trouble.

I'm doing it and that's
what I marched for.

I took off work so I could
walk down the street,

and do shit to white people finally.

Real talk, don't tell nobody

'cause I'm gonna go to full jail.

- I'm not surprised.
- Like, full ja...

- Like, you ever see "Lock Up Abroad?"
- Mm.

They gonna lock a broad up.

What's going on?

Lawrence isn't coming.

Why would he have been coming?

Because I may have told
him to come get his mail.

At this exact time.

Wow. Okay.

So you threw a party,

Lawrence was supposed to
come over to said party,

and if he would've showed up,
what was your plan?

You said that a nigga always comes back

when he thinks that you're good,
and look, I'm good.

But that's in Malibu. And I thought
you said you didn't want him back.

Bitch, of course I want my man back.
What the fuck? I was lying.

The whole point of saying
Malibu is to not lie.

Well, at the time,
I thought I was not lying.

- Malibu. You stupid.
- Malibu. Shut the fuck up.

Whoo! Bad news, ladies.

I drank all the Rossi.

Oh!

Can they come party with us?

Man: Y'all having a party?

Sure, why not?

Oh, I'm gonna put you to bed.

You ever been burped?

Burped?

You live here, right?

Yeah.

- Do you have any herb?
- Yeah, I've got a prescription.

Looks like we got "bompany."

- What up, y'all? This a party?
- Oh, hey, Thug... uh, Miles.

No, we're just keeping it low-key.

Yeah, for sure. What's
up with your friend?

- Is that you?
- No, you know I'm not gay.

Hey. Hey, you "bute" and you thick.

- What's your name?
- Kelli, but I don't talk to grown men

- who wear limited colors and bang.
- I don't bang, sweetheart.

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Well, what if I like both?

Mmm.

Hey, whose speaker is this?
I'm about to "bonnect" it.

- I got a playlist.
- Yeah, yeah, that's mine.

My phone's already connected, so...

What the fuck?

Oh, shit!

Thug Yoda: Hey! Okay.

Yeah!

Hey. Yeah. Hey, look
at my nigga footwork.

- Kelli: Oh, my God!
- Thug Yoda: Fuck that!

Did he choreograph that?
Is this choreography?

Thug Yoda: Hey, hey!

Yeah, nigga!

- Oh, my God.
- Turn the music off.

Yo, Issa, this shit is
getting kind of out of hand.

Hey!

Can y'all turn this down?
Some of us got kids.

Bitch, I got kids, too! Turn up!

- Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit! Fire! Fire, fire!

- Oh, shit!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Women and children! Women and children!

- Let me get your number.
- Nigga, no!

- Shit!
- Jesus!

Molly: Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.
- Tiffany: Don't touch my braid!

Jesus Christ.

You know what?

If I weren't already here,
I would come here.

- Do they know we're in this room?
- Yep. Now we just wait.

Okay.

- Um, hey.
- Hi.

What do you guys do?

We give you all the tools
you need to succeed.

- Where are you having trouble?
- Uh, do you guys tutor geometry?

- Our teachers don't know it.
- Oh, absolutely!

We have great tutors. I, myself,
am an expert in English and Latin.

- Not that you need it.
- I see, I see.

Well, I think I have one of
those learning disabilities, so...

Oh, that's great. Oh, I mean,
not great, but great because we have...

- Both: Do you guys have pamphlets?
- Oh, yes, we have a bunch!

Here, tell all your friends.

And in the meantime,
we can just sit here and...

- Thank you! Hurry, hurry, hurry!
- I'll get the Oreos.

Hold on. Seri... come on, y'all! Really?

- Are y'all serious?
- _

Did that really just happen?

Yep.

But, hey, at least they came.
Now we just need to get them to stay.

The food was supposed to make them stay.

True.

We just have to try a
different approach.

Next time, I will stand by the
food and you can lock the door,

- and then...
- Frieda.

Sometimes you just have
to know when to give up.

♪ Done with these niggas ♪

♪ I don't love these niggas ♪

♪ I dust off these niggas ♪

♪ Do it for fun ♪

♪ Don't take it personal ♪

♪ Personally, I'm
surprised you called me ♪

♪ After the things I said... ♪

♪ Skrrt, skrrt on niggas ♪

♪ Skirt up on niggas ♪

♪ Skirt down, you acting like me ♪

♪ Acting like... hour with you. ♪

Shit.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Uh, you said you had some of my mail?

Yeah. Hold on.

Yeah, I left some stuff
in the bathroom, too, so...

Oh. Okay.

Oh, what happened to Frank Ocean?

The pillow?

Oh, it must've disappeared.

You spilled something on it.

Wine.

And Tapatio.

All right, well, uh, I'ma go.

Yo, I gotta go.

♪ I wanna be good to you, baby, ooh ♪

♪ Call me crazy, but I think
I found the love of my life ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ Have you ever felt warm
on a cold, cold night? ♪

♪ That's how it get you
when you least expect it ♪

♪ And you can't reject it ♪

♪ That crazy little tingly feeling ♪

♪ Pain in your chest, yes ♪

♪ You feel that fire ♪

♪ Just let it burn ♪

♪ 'Cause there's no runnin'
when it's your turn ♪

♪ Call me crazy, but I think
I found the love of my life ♪

♪ Just let it burn ♪

♪ Let it, let it burn ♪

♪ Just let it burn ♪

♪ Let it, let it burn ♪

♪ Call me crazy, but I think
I found the love of my life ♪

♪ Feel it creeping in your heart ♪

♪ Ooh, baby, can you feel
it tearing you apart? ♪

♪ That's right, that's love ♪

♪ When it comes, you
never wanna give it up ♪

♪ And, baby, I'm caught in the light ♪

♪ And I ain't gonna fight it ♪

♪ There's no use in tryin', I'm yours ♪

♪ And I want you to want me the
way that I want you and more ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ So, if you're ready
to take this ride ♪

♪ We can go all around
the world, baby... ♪